“My tardiness in answering your letter was not due to press of business. Do not listen to that sort of excuse; I am at liberty, and so is anyone else who wishes to be at liberty. No man is at the mercy of affairs. He gets entangled in them of his own accord, and then flatters himself that being busy is a proof of happiness.”
— Seneca
“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”
— Anaïs Nin
For me, 2025 will be a year of shipping new things. There’s lots in the hopper.
Today, I’m pleased to announce my first book in more than seven years.
It’s been in the works for a long time and is currently 500+ pages. This time around, I’ll be doing things very differently.
The book, tentatively titled THE NO BOOK, is a blueprint for how to get everything you want by saying no to everything you don’t. Don’t let the title mislead you; it’s probably the most life-affirming book I’ve ever written.
It details the exact strategies, philosophies, word-for-word scripts, tech, and more that I and others use to create focus, calm, and meaning in a world of overwhelming noise.
THE NO BOOK contains all of the best tricks and tools that I’ve collected over the last 15 years, in addition to those of world-class performers. Lots of my friends make cameos, and I’m sharing details that I’ve kept closely guarded until now. If you’ve wanted to know how my life and business work with only three full-time employees, this will show you.
What else is different about this book?
– Though I drafted the bones years ago, I brought in a close friend as a co-writer and co-experimenter. This is my first time ever collaborating on a book, and it’s been an amazing and hilarious adventure. I’m thrilled with the results, and I’ve never seen anything quite like it.
– Unlike my last five books, we’re going to first release this one serially, one chapter or a handful of chapters at a time.
– We will also create a community for early readers, who will be able to read and experiment together, support one another, and provide us with feedback on the book. We want people to change their lives with this book, and for that, reading isn’t enough. It must be applied, and we feel that the community, combined with serial release, will help produce real action with real results.
– The plan may change. In keeping with the theme of the book, if the community or serial release turn into more headache than fun, or more emergency brake than accelerator, we’ll renegotiate and try something else.
– To read THE NO BOOK first and get other exclusives, you just need to subscribe to my free 5-Bullet Friday newsletter. That’s where the magic will happen. It’s easy to unsubscribe anytime.
***
Now, I don’t want to give too many spoilers, and the exact timeline will be announced soon, but I won’t leave you without a sample.
Two chapters are coming up tout de suite.
But first, what of that collaborator?
Well, he made an appearance in The 4-Hour Body when I force-fed him into gaining muscle, but he’s better known as the ten-time New York Times best-selling author of The Game, The Dirt, Emergency, and others. He’s written liner notes for Nirvana and received hate mail from Phil Collins. He did a decade-long tour of duty at The New York Times, wrote cover stories for Rolling Stone, and almost got killed by an ax-wielding polyamorous lunatic in The Truth. He and I even have the same haircut.
Most relevant here, he busted my balls for not finishing this book sooner, and that’s how we ended up here.
So why don’t I let him tell the story in his words?
INTRODUCTION
By Neil Strauss
The goal of life is to make good decisions.
And decisions are the simplest thing in the world. They just consist of a single choice between two words: yes or no.
Through this binary choice, much like the way a computer builds digital worlds out of 0s and 1s, we create our destiny.
These two options, however, are not created equal. There is just a tiny sliver of the world that we have the time to experience. So, we are called to filter through the nearly infinite spectrum of all that is available to us… and say no to almost everything. The more we can say no to the things that don’t serve us, the more we are living our purpose.
And I am failing at my life purpose.
I say yes to fucking everything.
This is why I decided to help write this book. Not just to help you but to help me reclaim my life.
When I was trying to decide what to share in this introduction, I called Tim for his thoughts.
“Can you think of a recent example where you said yes to something you shouldn’t have?” he asked.
My ex-wife was sitting next to me and it took her 1.5 seconds to come up with an example: “Janet’s costume party tonight.”
We all probably have a Janet in our lives. She is so pushy and persistent, in the kindest and most enthusiastic way, that I have trouble saying no to her. To her, a yes is a legally binding agreement. A maybe is a yes. And a no is the beginning of a guilt trip that ends when you fold and say maybe—which she then takes to mean yes, making it a legally binding agreement.
“So just cancel,” Tim wisely suggested.
“I can’t,” I replied unwisely.
“See?” Ingrid gloated. “I rest my case.”
Her case was indeed rested. On my guilty conscience.
I grew up in a home where saying no wasn’t an option. A no would get you a stern lecture, a long grounding, or worst of all, a withdrawal of love. So as an adult, I became existentially terrified that every no would come with some sort of blowback, such as losing a friendship, an opportunity, or someone’s good will. And now I give my time—and my life—away, sometimes to people who have been publicly shitty to me. They call this trauma bonding. It’s my specialty.
Not like Tim.
Tim is the master of no. As I write this in mid-October 2023, his text messages have an auto-response that reads:
I’m traveling overseas until Nov 7. If your text is urgent, please reach out to someone on my team. Otherwise, please resend your text after Nov 7 if it still applies. Since catching up would be impossible, I’ll be deleting all messages upon my return and starting from scratch. Thank you.
Deleting three weeks worth of messages! That is boss-level no.
It’s basically saying: The message you sent me is your priority, not automatically mine.
It’s a screaming yes to life.
It is truly an act of courage to not worry about how every single person who receives that text is going to react to being deleted. And this is just a small, everyday example of Tim’s time mastery. Here’s how incredible Tim is at saying no at a world-record level:
Five years ago, he called to tell me he was writing a book on how to say no. He wanted me to contribute an essay to it.
I didn’t have time to help out. So of course I shut it down with these four words: “Yes, I’ll do it!”
I didn’t want Tim to be mad at me or stop asking me to contribute to his books or abandon me as a friend and talk shit about me to Naval Ravikant.
Afterward, I spent a week writing a chapter for his project, and grumbling about how I should be spending the time working on my own book. After all, people pleasers like me live in constant resentment. We blame other people’s requests for our bad decisions.
I finished the essay and sent it to Tim, as did many others. Tim sent some follow-up questions, just to take up more of our time and make sure we regretted our decision, then he did something incredible:
He said no… to the whole book!
He has so thoroughly mastered the art that he actually said no to the book on no. And then went on to return the largest book advance he’d ever been given.
Wow, that was an impressive act of self-preservation. While it may take you five days to read a book, it can take him three years to write and research it. That’s three years of his life he gained back with a single no.
There was just one problem: I needed the book. As did so many others. It’s a war zone out here. Our devices and apps, even some of our home appliances, are constantly studying us, determining how to focus more of our attention on their business models. Under the guise of helping us, they drown us in inboxes, notifications, and alerts, synced to phones, tablets, watches, even our cars. And if you don’t respond to the Janets of the world within fifteen minutes, you get the inevitable “Are you okay?” or “Are you upset at me?” message. Or even worse, the insidious “???”
Whether the challenge is the phone, other people, or our own compulsions, most of us need help saying no to what doesn’t matter and drains our life energy. So, I reached out and told Tim that if he didn’t want to finish the book, I would.
On the condition that he could cancel the whole endeavor anytime he liked with one no, he eventually sent me a 72,000-word Scrivener file of his notes, thoughts, writings, and collected information. I then set about organizing it into a book that would help myself and others live a more meaningful, connected, purpose-driven life by following the path of no.
But simply dispensing rejections isn’t the goal. You need amazing things worth defending. The path of no is also the path of selective yesses. This book is a guide to finding the critical few among the trivial many.
It’s about finding the big yesses in our lives. Just a few. These may be people, partners, projects, places, and passions—yesses so incredibly fulfilling that they enable us to say no to everything else. In fact, you only have to get a few big yesses right to live a deeply successful and joyful life.
The book that follows was put together by the two of us from Tim’s notes and experiences; further discussions and research; lots of hilarious video calls; and contributions from other gurus of no, some of whom actually said no to us. We have included their rejections in the book as templates. Unless otherwise stated, every chapter and first-person anecdote that follows is from Tim’s perspective.
Hopefully by the end of this guide, we can all learn that there is a highway to happiness. And the borders that keep us on it, that prevent us from straying into the abyss of meaninglessness, are paved with the word no.
TORSCHLUSSPANIK
By Tim Ferriss
I first realized I had a problem when everything was going right for me.
The day was May 2, 2007, just after 5:30 p.m. in New York, when I received a phone call I’ll never forget. My editor at Random House wanted to inform me that my debut book, The 4-Hour Workweek, had hit The New York Times bestseller list.
As her words sunk in, I staggered backward and collapsed against the wall in shock, gratitude, and relief. Overnight, I was transformed from a guy begging people to answer his emails to someone on the other side. All kinds of requests and offers poured in. Speaking gigs, interviews, consulting, partnerships, brand deals—it was a tsunami.
Flattered, unprepared, and afraid this might be my only 15 minutes of fame, I said “yes” to nearly everything, especially anything six, nine, or twelve months off in the distance. My calendar seemed like pristine water, clear as crystal for a brief lull. Then I had to pay the piper.
Rarely in the same place for more than a week, I felt more like Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman than a jet-setting rock star. My assistants and I were getting hammered with hundreds, then thousands, of emails per day. 90% of the time, I had no idea how people got my private email addresses. We were drowning.
The irony was that my systems worked great. It was pure operator error.
In the deluge, I had slipped from a mindset of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) and following my own priorities, to a mindset of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and reactively grasping at shiny objects and shiny people. I was succumbing to what the Germans call Torschlusspanik: literally, “door-closing panic.”
The term comes from the time of walled medieval cities, when the gates would close at night—and any resident left outside would be forced to fend for themselves. Getting through those doors often meant survival.
In survival mode, I panicked. I stopped following my own rules. Once I made the first exception, the game was lost. It was death by a thousand paper cuts.
So, what the hell happened? Why didn’t I see it coming?
These habits are formed early and embed themselves deeply. I come from a family full of lovely and conflict-avoidant folks. This isn’t true for everyone in the extended clan, but it’s enough for my default to be people-pleasing. Or, more accurately, people-fearing—a distinction we’ll dive into later.
Before the publication of my book, with little inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were negligible. I came up with wild plans, went out hunting for opportunities, cold-emailed people to pitch ideas, and knocked things off my to-do list. After the success of the book, with 1000x more inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were catastrophic. The underlying fear and guilt came out in full force and wreaked havoc. I was being emailed and called by a Genghis Khan army of versions of myself (surprise, bitch!), and I didn’t have a playbook. Saying yes to other people’s priorities made mine vanish like sand through my fingers.
It took a while to unwind and figure out that I was doing it all wrong.
Twelve months later, I had stemmed a good portion of the blood loss. It was only possible because I had found a big YES that allowed me to focus and say no to at least 50% of the noise:
Startups.
I used the book’s popularity with technologists to begin investing in and advising startups, and I soon moved to San Francisco to be in the center of the action. The timing was good, and I had incredible luck (Shopify, Facebook, Twitter, Uber, Alibaba, and more).
One afternoon, I found myself in the office of a CEO and friend. His company would later become one of the fastest-growing startups in history. That day, he was calm as usual, despite the chaos and noise of Market Street a few floors below. Once we’d caught up on the latest developments, the conversation meandered into productivity systems, and I asked how he thought about managing email. He spun his laptop around on his desk to show me his Gmail account. Once my eyes adjusted, I stood there slack-jawed, fixated on one thing:
84,000+ unread email.
Smiling at my shock, he said, “Inbox zero is a fallacy.”
Completely unfazed, he went on to explain a few policies he had. He ignored 99% of what came in. For much of what remained, his answer was a short, “Not up my alley. Thanks.”
If 10 different but appealing people asked him to grab dinner, he would invite those 10 people to a group dinner and kill many birds with one stone.
If he wanted to preserve political capital but decrease contact with certain people, he’d do the “slow fade”: He might first reply to them in 5 days, then 10 days, and then 20 days. “They will stop asking,” he noted.
Clearly, there were levels to filtering, and then there were levels to filtering. I took a photograph of his 84,000 unread count as a reminder.
Right after that meeting, I created a digital swipe file called “polite declines” in Evernote, a product made by another startup I advised. Starting that week in 2009, if anyone said no in a way that struck me as elegant or clever, I saved it. If a rejection somehow made me feel good, I saved it. If someone had great policies on their contact form, I saved it. If I came across a trick, tool, or philosophical reset for saying no—whether over a meal, via email, or at the airport—I saved it.
This book contains the highlights from that swipe file.
It’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to implement the advice here, but I’ve found rules, systems, and tools that make life a lot easier. Of course, these strategies apply to dealing with other people, including strangers, loose ties, and family. But they also apply to managing ourselves, especially those glitches in our mental operating system that act against our best interests.
I’ve also found ways to idiot-proof things and bring the lifeboat closer, such that when you do slip into overcommitting (it’ll happen), it’s one step to recovery instead of ten.
This book was originally written like my other books (i.e., Tim tests everything, writes about what works, then publishes), until I called Neil to see how a rewrite was coming on a rough draft.
“Hey, Tim, I’m in Copenhagen,” he screamed over a cacophony of background noise. “I’m at this conference I agreed to speak at, but now I’m hosting the whole thing, and it’s been taking up all my time.”
“That’s not good. I hope they’re paying you well.”
“They’re not paying me anything.” He paused and sighed. “And you’re not going to believe this, but I told the guy running the conference he could stay at my house when he’s in LA next month.”
“You what?! Has this book been working for you at all?”
He stammered a response, and we both came to realize that for a die-hard people pleaser, information and templates aren’t enough. As my friend Derek Sivers puts it, “If more information were the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”
So, we rebuilt the book from the ground up as a daily, step-by-step experience with readings, exercises, and a complete plan that is relentlessly action-focused.
The first test subject was Neil. As he went through these exercises and steps, he added his own experiences, notes, and struggles. Afterward, seeing the eventual transformation, it’s clear that if you do the work, this book really, really works. The book is designed to meet you where you are on your no journey and take you further than you think possible.
And unlike most self-help programs, there is no set of one-size-fits-all rules. Through these readings and exercises, you will pick up a toolkit that is uniquely your own, tailored to your specific goals, challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. Some chapters won’t be for you, but some will be especially for you.
The No Book is a Trojan Horse for becoming better at decision-making writ large. Decision-making is your life.
Everything from a job offer to a marriage proposal is a yes to one thing and a no to hundreds of thousands of other opportunities. It’s easy—the universal default—to get pulled into the quicksand of half-hearted yesses and promiscuous overcommitment, ending up stressed and reactive, wondering where your time has gone.
The No Book re-examines how we navigate our finite path. It will help you build a benevolent phalanx—a protective wall of troops—that guard your goals, your relationships, and more, making everything more easeful.
As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle no mirrors how you handle almost everything in life. Dramatically changing your nos will dramatically change your life.
If Neil can fix his Copenhagen debacle and do a 180—which he did—the sky is the limit.
So let’s start building you some wings.
###
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P.S. Any thoughts or suggestions? Please let me know in the comments below! Comments here are far better than social media, as I’ll actually see them. And thanks for reading this far.
The Tim Ferriss Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than one billion downloads. It has been selected for "Best of Apple Podcasts" three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it's been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page.
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Does the last paragraph have a typo or am reading it wrong?
As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle [no mirrors?] how you handle almost everything in life. Dramatically changing your nos will dramatically change your life.
No mirrors seems out of place.
Hi, Johnny –
“Mirrors” is a verb here.
You can think of the passage as being written “As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle saying no to things reflects how you handle almost everything in your life.”
Thanks for the comment and checking out Tim’s post!
Best,
Team Tim Ferriss
Putting the word “no” in quotes would solve it.
…you’ll begin to realize that how you handle “no” mirrors how…
Agreed Amanda. That would be another way. The challenge being: should every ‘no’ then be in quotes or presented in bold font or with a capitalised ‘N’ or NO or ‘NO’ or with a comma after a discrete no, to emphasise . . . or should the reader just be left to work it out for themselves . . . 😀 Over to Tim and his team.
I agree with the capital NO, similar to ONE in Gary Keller’s book (thanks for the recommendation Tim!)
I think this is a good point. I also had to re-read the same sentence. Perhaps a comma after the no, would make the sentence more easily readable.
For me, the title perhaps also needs some thought relative to the above point.
For example the word ‘No’ could be set in bold within the title to emphasise the meaning or message. Then throughout the book where the word No is used in the context of the message it could, for example, also be in bold.
There will be times when the word No is used outwith the context of the title/message and in those instances there would be no (as in this case!) requirement for it to be emphasised/in bold.
Hope helpful. I’m sharing this feedback in the context of being a huge fan of Tim’s work!
A comma after ‘no’ (in the mirrors sentence) wouldn’t make sense.
“As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle no, mirrors how you handle almost everything in life.” flows strangely.
The correct punctuation to use is apostrophes around ‘no’.
Wow, so funny that I couldn’t see that. Perhaps a comma between no and mirrors? Though that doesn’t seem grammatically correct either.
Thanks for helping me hear that sentence correctly.
No mirroring
I tripped up on it too but re-read it and got the jist of it. You’re not alone! lol
You’re right Johnny. It’s probably not grammatically correct. It just helps to understand the sentence by emphasising no, (!) because it’s such a commonly used word and perhaps not one that is usually the central theme of a book. Which of course also makes Tim’s book unique.
I’m so glad you asked this. I missed that entirely. And now that I understand, I would agree…. how I handle saying no to things, influences how I say yes…or don’t say yes to things…how I avoid…. I hope the book will help with that.
I think you need a verb there. “How you handle saying no mirrors ….
In this case, “mirrors” is the verb.
Thank you for checking out Tim’s post!
Best,
Team Tim Ferriss
Just another two cents here – It read fine to me. I don’t think I’d enjoy reading a book where all the nos are bold.
Sometimes “self-help” type books take liberties with spacing and font and all kinds of fun formatting. It often feels like fluff and fill and then I start skimming. But Ferris books don’t take this approach.
Let’s not get lost in the weeds. It’s a great article and looks like a great book. I say no to perfection as it can be the enemy of progress. Thanks for the thought-provoking content @TeamTimFerriss.
You should have said “no” to the grammar check 😐
Thanks for the feedback, Johnny! This kicked off a very helpful discussion, as you’re clearly not the only one who was confused. Thank you! – Tim
Why not just change “mirrors” to “reflects”?
So f*cking excited for this! Two of my all time favs together!
Congrats, Tim. I can only imagine the long and unending process, and I’m glad you are getting close to the end. Can’t wait to read it multiple times and gift it to others more.
Awesome and kizmetic: I was about to start writing my second book called, Hell No. Ya beat me to it, Ferriss – can’t wait to read yours : )
Hell yes to Hell No! Can’t wait to read your’s too!!
kizmetic: ❤️🙏🏻
Saw the Youtube community post
Came here
Read the post
I am sold
Please make me a beta tester
Cheers
Me too! I’d love to be an early apostle! The 4 hour workweek not only led me to first eCom startup but led to my first exited startup. Can’t thank him enough!
Me to! Would love to test these steps in action 🙂
Agreed! Been an avid listener of the podcast for many years since around 2015 according to my Spotify account! I have a copy of ‘Tools of Titans’ that is riddled with notes and marks from reading and re-reading as I age. Would love a chance to provide feedback for someone who has had such an impact on my life!~
Best,
Travis B.
I am so in!
Steve Jobs: “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.” Steve Jobs
This is a perfect topic for these two literary giants to tackle, and I couldn’t be more stoked. Tim is a walking advice factory, and his years of self-experimentation have given him insights that few other have. This will be a YES for me, hopefully resulting in many futures NOs.
If you already love saying no to anything that isn’t a “fuck yes” – is this book still for you?
No
touche
Subjective – is it a “fuck yes!”?
Nyeso
Would I read a book about something I love doing / might enjoy even more / could possibly do, or be with, even better …?
I’m pumped about your traditionally extra long daunting book format to be released in nice, bite sized quantities. Great idea! Can’t wait to read more.
I’ve been waiting for this book… pretty much my whole life. I don’t consider myself a people pleaser, since I can say “no, thank you”, quite easily.
I’ve realized that I have more of a compulsion to “make it all work”. For myself, my clients, and my kids. I’ll contort into all sorts of pretzel to make sure what I committed to gets done… at a great personal cost.
So what I’m seeing is that this “NO” is multilayered and so, so valuable…
I can’t wait to learn more 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
“And unlike most self-help programs, there is no set of one-size-fits-all rules.”
That is a good summary of my book’s premise. And why I think the “self-help” genre is misleading. And the more relevant problem with your previous books.
Congratulations on finding the way out! And looking forward to read the new one.
The 4 Hour Workweek changed my life in 2010. My wife and I still run the business we created based on the advice in that book. We lived in multiple places and had an amazing adventure. Now we have kids and I take them to school and pick them up every day. But I’m always ready for more. I’m in. I know that if I were better at saying NO to things, even if just to the craziness I come up with sometimes, we would be able to do more.
Can’t wait for this to come out!!! Huge fan of your work Tim!
If you need a proof reader, I will say “YES” to that ;-).
A new Tim Ferriss book, particularly about this subject is my Christmas,
Can’t wait for the next chapter!
Oh, brilliant! A conspiracy of serendipity breaks over my head. Your timing could not have been any better. Thank you Tim and Neil
I’m so excited! This book comes at the perfect time. Since there are a million Nos to every meaningful Yes and a potential dissapointed person at the end of every No, it’s a tricky business. Really looking forward to it! I’ve been subbed to 5BF forever but if there’s more I can do to help, please sign me up. A Tim book is a special thing. Cheers Tim and Neil, thank you both!
So where are the two chapters?
I believe it was, 1: the Introduction by Neil, and 2: TORSCHLUSSPANIK by Tim. Good stuff and more to come!
Already hooked. I especially like the style of these first two chapters. You can tell that Tim has improved his story-telling in contrast with his other books! Would love to be a beta reader/tester!
This sounds so exciting. I am at a time of my life that I don’t often get the kind of requests that I would have to answer yes or no to, but I am still intrigued.
“Saying yes to other people’s priorities made mine vanish like sand through my fingers.” — so well said. Looking forward to more.
Tim, your concept of ‘JOMO’ vs. ‘FOMO’ is a game-changer. As someone who’s wrestled with Torschlusspanik myself, I can’t wait to dive into The No Book. It’s not just about saying no but defending those rare, life-changing ‘yeses.’
Question that I’ve been asking my soon-to-be-wife… How can we balance the boundaries of saying no while still fostering serendipity/spontaneity —those unexpected opportunities that sometimes come disguised in the noise?
Thanks for always bringing actionable clarity to chaos.
I also really liked this contrast
I so need this!! Thank you again for hitting the exact next step in our evolution.
♥️ couldn’t have said it better
Can’t wait for this one!
Amazing start to the book and can’t wait to see what comes next. Trying to balance life, work, parenthood, and side hustles means limited time to do it all and I’m excited for the tools and tactics that have helped you not only achieve but also pause to enjoy the journey. Thanks for sharing these early chapters!
Wow!!! That’s really cool!!!! Love the way you will deliver it! Not the all thing at the time but in series. 😀 That’s a more humanized way of communicate, in my opinion. I will be, again, inspired by the way you see life. Let’s begin a new journey of saying no and having an actually meaningfull agenda in such a messy world!
Can’t wait – I need to make some serious changes in my world, really excited to try this all out and see if results will follow. Cautiously optimistic…
Saw your IG post, came straight here, and read the post. Would love to be part of the early reader community. 🙏🏼🙂
Committed relationships where we sometimes support each other even when inconvenient can be a great stabilizing resource – but we have to be selective
Yes, I can see why this might be a tricky book. No doubt it will be more about connecting with your inner voice/feelings/goals as guide. in hindsight, can see Tim asking many pertinent yes/no decision making type questions on his podcast over the past years.
Tim, pleased you did a u-turn.
This is actually excellent news!
I am often in and out of all your books that I own and use as a life repository.
A new TF book, co-authored with Neil. S.
Great stuff, what’s not to love.
Pleased NO is more of an 80/20 principle in this case!
Well done both!
Buzz
Amazing! I can’t wait to read the whole book.
keen! – navdeep pasricha
SO EXCITED!!!
Great stuff Tim. I subscribe to 5 Bullet Friday, hope to see more this week!
What happened to the book you were going to write about trauma?
I’m so impressed with your willingness to rebuild the book so that it aligns with your mission to provide a toolkit that works. I love your and Neil’s story – it resonates. What I love more is that you knew there was a better way forward to live inspired and purpose-driven with this brief sliver of life we’re fortunate to have. Thank you.
this is a HORRIBLE way to release a book I’d like to read. Please just release the full audiobook read by Neil. that would be my perfect outcome.
… or even better, read by Derek. : ))))))
Can’t wait to read more — I’ve felt a bit stuck for a few years because I’m not sure the main core yesses (other than family and travel), so this feels perfectly timed.
I’m def ‘in’ as a beta reader! : )
Looking forward to reading this one too! Congrats, Tim and Neil.
I can’t wait to read this! Worth the wait! Hell yes to no!
Love the “… if it’s not a ‘hell yes’, it’s a no”!
Sometimes I still find it hard to distinguish tho lol
I would recommend a designated page on the website for this with a clean user interface and graphics, plus a ToC. Really make this feel like an e-book but hosted on your own site. Really looking forward to this, thanks Tim!
Excited to read! You have been such an inspiration since your very first book, and it was fun to connect at your first live podcast recording in LA with Shaun White. A group of us went to Mel’s Diner afterward, and you were quite generous with your time. Thank you!
That’s pretty sweet, I can def use this info.
I am so very excited for this! Amazing writing until this point, and an incredibly important topic to pay attention to and to learn, for pretty much every human alive in 2025. Thank you so much for this Tim!
Hands down, this book will CRUSH. A primer on how to say No is like a spring in the desert. All in, when does it drop? If you need some random input, I’d love to Beta.
Very excited for this – def want info re: beta reading / community.
So looking forward to reading and experimenting with it💕
I have to say the timing of this for myself is ideal. In a world of shrinking attention spans, growing interests, and more digital consumption, and more ‘priorities’, I’m super excited for your toolkits, Tim.
As a fellow Princeton East Asian Studies grad and former (high school) wrestler, I have enjoyed and misunderstood a lot of your high falutin writings. Reading your post and plan for the anti- Shonda Rhimes Year of Saying Yes – book, my main advice would be to spend some time, and hopefully include at least a chapter on the very real possibility, and said with as much humility as feasible, notion that your advice and the whole idea and book might be entirely and completely wrong. Don’t get me wrong, it sounds like it should be interesting, but incorporating more of polar opposite viewpoint could be worthwhile and make your arguments stronger. Also, when are you going to get Shonda Rh in es on your podcast?
Im so excited for this book, as a cptsd survivor, and people pleaser, boundaries both professional and personal are something I’m always working on. As a fellow offspring of the same messed up town you came from, I wonder if you’ll be speaking to the personal end of saying NO and how to deal with the guilt that friends/family without boundaries will dole out when we do say no. I’ve recently discovered your podcasts and I’m really down the rabbit hole right now with them. Thank you for this incredible work. I hope my brother wasn’t one of the animal torturers you mentioned in the Dr Becky episode. Bravo Tim. Sending deep appreciation and support from bonac. 💚
Remember that most of people that gets angry or resentful when we set boundaries are people who was festering in our energy and time… mostly taking advantage of us….
Meaning they get educated on how to deal with us the way is healthier for us or they hit the road for being not interested in our wellbeing.
Thank you for the reply. It’s true, Im getting better at boundaries with friends/colleagues etc. saying no to parties and other invitations, I’ve even gone no contact with both my parents a LOT over the years too, but once they were both diagnosed with dementia, my mother with schizoaffective disorder as well, and she has nobody else to help her, things have gotten really hard. I try to keep calm, breathe, mantras etc while dealing with her, because I know she won’t change. Somehow I’m trying to find the answer within myself to get through these last years with her. The NO topic just resonated and felt complex. Although the book is likely more about professional and acquaintance situations that can more easily be disregarded with strong Will. Sorry that was a lot 😂
Hi Hannah (from Australia), I relate to your comment that your mother won’t change. It is hard being a survivor of the family dynamics that had such a huge impact on our lives – especially when those same people are now needing our care and support. I think you’re right: the answer is within you. Through setting your own boundaries, and saying no to what doesn’t work for you (whilst still providing the care and support that is within your capacity) therein lies forgiveness and your own growth. This topic of saying no is huge for us all. Tim’s quote by Anais Nin: ‘I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. it was not a virtue. It was a disguise’ is powerful. We were made to feel ashamed to take, as though we didn’t deserve it. Now, give what you can give to your helpless mother under your terms. Protect your heart and care for her in her final years. You will be grateful, but you will also be stronger. Best, Meg
I think I need to rephrase my question, I came at it in a terribly inarticulate/uncaffeinated way…
Outside the context of saying NO by setting ooo auto-replies and being deliberate with our time commitments… which I’m very interested in reading more about too… I’m also wondering more about navigating NO in these situations where we’re tethered to chaotic toxic people, when we can’t really draw a hard line in the sand. Using the example of my aging parents, who were my first bullies, they were brutal and deeply messed up, and still are really, and I spent my entire life unraveling the damage they did to my psyche, so of course they trigger me deeply, and here they are practically helpless, riddled with mental illness, and often still cruel at times, always manipulative, and lying… I’m trying to sit with this discomfort and the term ‘sturdy’ that you spoke about with Dr. Becky comes to mind, how to find that sturdiness when they are so triggering. So maybe I’m answering my own question, maybe we approach them as old, wrinkled, helpless toddlers? I’m wondering if you have more thought on these complex situations, how to set and abide by tenets, mantras, breathwork, whatever we need to do in order to both, decide WHEN to say NO, and HOW to say no…
Then also, I hope Tim gets to see this… I just listened to the podcast with your story about Mrs. Talmage and the sunburn incident, and I literally stopped in my tracks, I think it might have been my brother who did that, hes talked about it numerous times over the years and how bad he felt. He went through so much at home (as you can see by my question) and his jealousy came out as bullying, and I just want you to know how deeply sorry he is, and how much reflecting we have both done over the years, just trying hard to be good people, and how our parents really did so much damage, AND more importantly, how everyone I know who still lives in this godforsaken town are so impressed by you. I swear just listening to your voice, and hearing your stories gives me hope and purpose. I honestly feel that due to guilt by proximity I don’t even deserve a reply here, but I just wanted to put this out there. I will continue listening, and buying your stuff, and just generally being a huge fan. My deepest gratitude.
I am really looking forward to this book, as I have always struggled with saying no, whether at work or in my personal life.
Same : /
He put this one out a while back. Might be helpful! – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyM7vi1HMvM&t=
Awesome! Congrats on the new book! I will be reading it more than once, I’m sure. I’m a big fan! I listen to your TED talks at least once a year and read/listen at least one of the 4-hour books once a year since 2007. Your words have been of great help in my life and in the lives of my friends and coworkers. Keep going!
I can’t wait to read this, as I often tell friends and family to act like a two year old: Just say NO. Obviously, it is more challenging than it sounds.
Pumped to get this next one! Finally, after 7 Yrs!
Okay, I’m a die-hard Tim fan and have been for a long time, so I’m super excited about this. I really enjoyed reading the intros!
AND… part of me wondered “how is this different from Manson’s ‘Subtle Art’? Isn’t this kinda what he said there too?”
Obviously, I haven’t read it, so I know next to nothing.
You should also know that I’m a book coach and editor (15 years), so this is how my brain works. Either way, I’m really looking forward to reading it!
Love this. Would love to see a section on parenting, specifically, when to let your kids say no to you, the parent.
I read all of your books (both of you). Sign me up for Beta testing.
Loved the introduction and cannot wait to see what comes next! I’m also in for beta testing. 84k emails almost gave me a heart attack.
As an avid consumer of all your work, Tim, I will certainly be reading this book. I hope it will be relatable to an ordinary Joe who does not have hundreds of emails or dozens of texts pouring in with requests from people. I wonder what I, a father of two with a remote job and a steady day-to-day life, will be able to gain from the book. Thank you!
Can’t wait for this to come out and LOVE the novel serial release. Excited for the action plans because Lord knows I need them!
My wife and I are serial people-pleasers. I have systems to protect myself (from myself), but it’s a constant battle to keep those walls up and feel good about it. Watching this space… Thanks in advance, Tim!
Not much more exciting than a new TF adventure! Very excited for this.
One general question which you may address in the existing material, but it would be interesting to define and understand the root of “overwhelm as the problem” – what does overwhelm mean to the people in question (inc. authors), and unpicking that. Mainly from a place of trying to understand what limits we have that are real vs. self-imposed ones, just given that the word crops up a lot in your body of work and I think it’s useful to really deeply understand what the rules of play are.
The one thing I’d love to see in this book is a clear, polite, easy way to say no that is definitive but doesn’t hurt the other person. I’m hoping it’s something different than “I have a rule that I never X,” which requires keeping track of all the made-up rules you claim to live by.
Thanks for everything, Tim. You’ve changed the game for me. I’m hell yes on being a beta tester.
I think I have been failing to say no to some specific things for years. But 2025 feels like the year to say no and terrify myself a fair bit. And I can’t wait for this new book to be a part of that. Excited for this!
very excited to read this and definitely something I’ll try to better integrate into my life both personal and professional
Please also record the audio book, then it will really feel like you are coaching us through it.
Tim never disappoints, looking for your new book. Thank you for the years of your work and content creation!
I am about to quit my job to take some time out to hike through Spain and try to reclaim some perspective on my life. I have been saying “yes” to this particular job for two years, and suffering regularly for that decision. I still do not know where the line exists between resilience or attitude, and saying “enough is enough”. I have obviously made a decision to leave current circumstances, but it took me a long time to make this decision and I have felt a lot of guilt about it. Perhaps this new book (which I am very excited for) might touch on this. Thanks Tim!
Is this job aligned with your values? Are you following a path to a better position or salary… is that 100% possible? Why it didn’t happened yet? That desired outcome will means that you will have a lifestyle closer to your values?
Resilience to me is when we endure whatever it takes while following something we really want but the question I think is;
There are not other ways to make it? (One that would make your days feel better?) Is there a conflict within what you valued before and now? (We change oftentimes and don’t notice it)
Sacrifices are good when there are for a limited time and with a clear purpose.
Hope anything helps. Just felt like replying
Cheers
Wow. Hooked. Sunk. Tim and Neil, congrats—gonna need many of these! Time remains coin of the realm. Tim, to your question—”What would you most want to learn or see in this book?”—well…tad micro but I’ve seen you say *yes* to things I thought, from your podcast, were otherwise-blanket-nos. Like you’ve said you’ll say to book blurb / intro requests you’re “on a blurb holiday” (or similar)—which I love and have used!—but then I’ll walk by a book and see a blurb of yours or an Intro you’ve written—’Why Design Matters’, ‘The Almanack of Naval Ravikant’, etc—and, don’t get me wrong, I’ll love what you’ve written, but I’ll just sort of wonder … how did he decide on that one? And then how does he uphold the rule w/ other friends / peers afterwards?
Yesssssssss! I mean…. No?
Well. Despite the pre-frame, I am very happily going to say yes to beta testing!
🥳
The need for NO… YES! But it is the ‘yeses’ that get us to the need for ‘no.’ How do we continue contributing, lifting others up with our ‘yeses’ the way someone(s) did for us, but at the same time recognize the truth of your NO subject matter? Maybe this will be addressed in a chapter called The Fine Line?!?
Will there ever be a physical book? I really want to read the book, but reading from my PC doesn’t suit my daily flow at all. I want to be in bed with a cup of coffee when I read it.
So, so excited for this — can’t wait to read it!!
Love it Tim, very excited for this!
Thrilling! I love this idea. Can’t wait to read it. It is a great start to 2025.
I am currently at a very busy place in my proession and this post and book are coming on point. I can’t wait to dive in and apply the techincs developped by Tim anb Neil. I have been a die-hard fan since the 4 Hours Weeks. Thank you!
Tim!
Hype to see this! As a nonprofit start-up leader, I find myself learning to stay no more often, but still struggling with the balance of exploration versus deep work as my organization dives into several new spaces. Curious to see if you have any chapters/rules on this balance! If so, would love a sneak peek!
P.S. If you’re ever in Philly, drinks on me!
First off… I’ve learned so much from your other books and even more from your podcasts. More useful than I ever learned in school. I LOVE this concept. It is for certain the number one thing keeping me from being more successful… How can I say no without killing a relationship? Or maybe it’s ok to kill those non beneficial relationships? I think on one podcast of yours Seth Godin said he has his canned no response stored in one of the function keys so he can just hit it. “I’m sorry, right now I can’t give your project the time it deserves” I crafted my own. Can AI help? How can I better manage the no answers in to a few buckets 1) this person can’t help me. It’s ok to kill their spirt 2) this person might be able to benefit me later, be nice with the no? I didn’t think you’d be able to come up with anything new that I would die for. I was wrong. I NEED this NOW. (questions in this verbose answer as noted!)
Tim, I’ve been a fan of your books since reading The 4-Hour Body when it came out. Sadly, I don’t have a 4-hour body, nor a 4-hour week, and I’m neither a titan or a 4-hour chef. But I have adopted plenty of positive changes in my life due to your voice in my head. I’ve been using Athletic Greens (I still haven’t converted to calling it AG1) since your recommendation. It’s been fun watching everyone and their brother recommending the last few years when I’ve been using it forever! I’m excited for this next book. I think decision making is probably the one thing that has held me back from reaching my full potential. So I’m stoked. Thank you and Neil for this! I get the 5-Bullet Friday, and I will be looking forward to what is next.
Tim, Neil, the book is so timely, especially at the beginning of the year or at the start of anything. For example, a new job or relationship, when we are full of energy and enthusiasm and willing to say “yes” to habits, projects, goals, opportunities, social media, and even 50% off sales! Our attention is precious, and I’m ready to learn to protect it.
Very excited. I’m in particular need of this to say no to drinking out with friends. I highly suspect I’m not alone…
Huge fan of this project, Tim. If you are still looking for people to be readers, I’d love to apply. I have two degrees in English and years of experience as an editor, so perhaps I could provide useful comments. Plus, I’ve been a fan of your work since the start so I have years of familiarity with your books, blogs, podcasts, etc. Honestly, I won’t be surprised if you to say no to this or don’t respond, so I’ll just wish you good luck!
Made me think about the phrase: “How you do something is how you do everything.”
Didn’t think I was affected by not saying no enough, until I read this. Can’t wait 🙂
Damn, can I relate. Always been a “P-P!” Even though I am now semi-retired at age 72, I am glad I read the above. Tim, you provide great content and thoughts to chew on. Thank you.
But, but, but…. 500+ PAGES!?!
(You’re kidding, right? Right?)
Thrilled about this! Will echo the comments above and ask to be a beta reader or tester if possible, too 🙂
I’m already a subscriber to 5 Bullet Friday. Do I need to re subscribe to access the new book?
so excited for this and what a fun process with you and Neil! I guess my two questions would be: how applicable is this to someone who doesn’t have the celebrity problem? and will there also be tips for what to say YES to?
Already taking notes. What would make it even more useful is active participation IRL! I’d be happy to host in SF.
I need this book. I am at the stage where I am no longer deciding between a good and a bad but a good and a good and I need to say no to one and yes to the other…..or no to both. This book reminds me of the comedian Tim Hawkins and his ‘gift of no’.
A very relevant topic for me. I would be happy to join the early readers list. Wasn’t sure how to apply to the list. Seems like just being the subscriber of the 5-bullet Friday is enough but I might be wrong.
I so need this! Looking forward to it!
Gah – I thought you were going to say Derek! New to Neil so will muster my best energy for him but no one will replace Mr S as my firmest of firm favourites! Looking forward to this book and will be no doubt giving this as a gift a few dozen times!
Ha! Great guess. I reckon Derek would have said ‘No thanks!” if Tim had asked him to collab on this book though. lol That man has very strong ‘no’ muscles, Just like Tim.
… but what a voice. : ))))
Hey, the concept of releasing the book is unique and refreshing. I am already sold and excited. 🙂
I am very curious about how adaptable your idea is. A famous quote from Bruce Lee reminds me of this: “If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Moving, be like water. Still, be like a mirror. Respond like an echo.” So, it seems rigid if I say yes to everything or no to most things. How could one remain flexible?
I’m in! The Book of Many No’s (and Precious Yes’s).
This is one I can’t say “no” to! Sign up for the beta please Tim. I’ve done stuff with Neil in the past, so he might vouch for me 🙂
LOVE this. And need it!
I’m doing a similar year-long experiment around joy. Whenever I have a decision to make, I ask myself, “If joy were my number one priority, what would I do?” Or, “ If joy was my number one priority, would I do this, yes or no?” So far, the experiment has been highlighting a lot of un-joys in my life, which is valuable information. I am so glad you are writing a new book. I think you are a masterful teacher and I will be gobbling down each of your chapters as they are released. And if my joy says yes, I look forward to trying your experiments. I have a deep feeling that being able to say “no” is a big part of joy.
Tim,
I’m delighted to begin reading your new book about how to say “no”. I’ve been following your work since we met for coffee in San Francisco many many years ago. We have several mutual friends including Phil Hellmuth.
Your work has had a massive impact on my life. It has made me a better father, husband and orthopedic surgeon.
It also inspired me to start Vitality Explorers, and self publish my book Dare To Be Vital. Listening to your amazing podcast over the years has kept me on target to execute on my peak purpose.
This has led to me teaching the first ever graduate level course on Vitality & Performance Optimization at Michigan Medical School and I will be teaching it again this spring at Stanford Medical School.
Too often we fail to thank the people that inspire us to become a better version of ourselves. You and your work have done that for me. Many thanks and I can’t wait to read the rest of your book and share its wisdom with my friends, family and students.
I hope our paths cross again soon.
Sincerely,
Allan Mishra, MD
Adj. Clinical Associate Professor
Orthopedic Surgery | Stanford Medical Partners
Thank goodness. I need this!