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Travis Kelce Asks Taylor Swift If Jason Can Also Get Married With Them

LEAWOOD, KS—Stressing that he wouldn’t want his best bud to feel left out on such a special day, Kansas City…

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Football, Sports

Ref Under Uprights Sheepishly Waits To Do ‘Good’ Sign Until Other Ref Does It First
Football, Sports

Caleb Williams Signals Boisterous Chicago Home Crowd To Eat Less Loudly

CHICAGO—Pleading with fans to rein in their excitement during Saturday’s pivotal wild card matchup, Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Williams was reportedly forced to signal the…
Basketball, Sports

Steph Curry Finally Finishes Eating Mouthguard
Hockey, Sports

Hockey Players Blast ‘Heated Rivalry’ For Unrealistic Depiction Of Anal Sex

TORONTO—Accusing the HBO drama of egregiously misrepresenting their experiences off the ice, the National Hockey League Players’ Association blasted Heated Rivalry Friday for what it…
Football, Sports

Joe Flacco’s Wife Dresses As Giant Football To Spice Things Up In Bedroom

CINCINNATI—Saying she thought it might be fun if they tried something a little different, Dana Grady, wife of Bengals quarterback Joe Flacco, reportedly dressed in…
Football, Sports

Travis Kelce Worried Patrick Mahomes’s ACL Tear Will Derail ‘Harlem Shake’ Groomsmen Entrance

Football, Sports

Cackling Referee Declares Penalty For Pass Interference Shall Be 10,000 Years Of Winter

PITTSBURGH—Raising his hands before him as his eyes turned ominously white, the referee of the Steelers–Dolphins game was heard to let out a blood-curdling cackle…
Football, Sports

Vince Lombardi Trophy Clanking Around In Trunk Of Roger Goodell’s Car
Football, Sports

Shedeur Sanders Confident He Can Deliver Everything Browns Fans Have Come To Expect

CLEVELAND—Saying he was ready to carry on the legacy forged by Cody Kessler, Dorian Thompson-Robinson, and dozens of other short-lived Browns signal callers over the…
Football, Sports

Detroit Lions Rookie Asks For Thanksgiving Off

DETROIT—Double-checking that he had approval before finalizing travel plans, Detroit Lions rookie Tate Ratledge reportedly approached head coach Dan Campbell on Monday to see if…
Sports

Dana White Can’t Believe Rabbits Still Getting Beneath Octagon Fence

LAS VEGAS—Shaking his head in frustration after staff pulled yet another wriggling cottontail from the canvas mat, UFC president Dana White expressed disbelief Friday that…
Football, Sports

Patriots Starting To Regret Drafting 130-Pound Linebacker Based Exclusively On Strength Of Cover Letter

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Admitting they may have overlooked some key physical metrics in the evaluation process, the New England Patriots front office told reporters Sunday the team…

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