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All I Ever Wanted Is To Be A Musician And For Music To Be Easy

At my age, most people have given up on their dreams. They go to college, settle down, get steady careers.…

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Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
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Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To Mars
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I’d Sooner Let My Family Starve Than Exaggerate My Marketing Experience On My Resume
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Not Sure How They Deal With Criminals In Your Town, But ’Round Here We Use A Restorative Justice Process

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I Bet Pedro Pascal Hates Parasocial Relationships

Ever feel like you have a “special connection” with an artist? Like if the two of you could only meet, you would be instant BFFs?…
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The Cost Of This Wedding Is Making Me Matri-moan-y!

My dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of this man and this woman…and this empty wallet and this wiped-out checking…
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Jean’s Own Goals

So one bright morning around nine, sunlight streaming through her mini-blinds, your ol’ pal Jean rolled out of bed (literally!), slurped a mug of piping…
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C’mon, Everybody, There’s Too Many Of Us For Them To Stop Us From Jerking Off All At Once!

Gather ’round, friends, and lend me your ears! Today, I bring to you a marvelous proposition, one that can become a reality with everyone’s help.…
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If I Take A Bullet For My Child, How Will They Learn To Take Bullets Themselves?

Like every parent, I want my kids to be safe. I know that for my young daughter and son to grow and thrive, they need…
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You Sure You’re In The Mood For Another Wes Anderson Film With Everything That’s Going On?

Hey, guys. It’s me, acclaimed filmmaker Wes Anderson. I just finished my latest movie, The Phoenician Scheme, and it’s going to be great. It’s got…

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There’s No Such Thing As A Free Piggyback Ride

Every entitled freeloader these days thinks they can get something for nothing. Complimentary this, state-sponsored that, just so long as they’re not the ones who…
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Ow

Wow, what a lovely backyard! It sure was kind of that family to hoist me so high into the air so I could enjoy swaying…
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You Can’t Even Watch A Movie Anymore Without Seeing Some Theme Explored

I’ve loved movies ever since I was a little kid. Just stepping into that dark theater, with the smell of fresh popcorn, was like being…
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You’re Not The Man I Married—You’re Significantly More Attractive And Loving

Gerald, we need to talk. None of this is going to be easy for you to hear, but the simple fact is that you’ve changed.…
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The Doctors Telling Us Not To Drink Our Urine Probably Just Want It For Themselves

Let me start by saying I’ve got nothing against doctors in general. My niece is a doctor. Most of them are warm, professional, and highly…
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Am I Ugly?

So this is kind of awkward but it’s been on my mind lately and I know it’s probably nothing but I’ve gotta ask. And be…

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