-
Guy At Coffee Shop Looking For Place To Plug In Iron Lung
-
Woman Loves How Easy Melatonin Makes It To Fall Asleep For 3.5 Hours
-
Woman’s Entire Camera Roll Selfies Of Her Crying
-
Woman Proud She Started The Booing
-
Bank Gets House In Divorce
-
Mass Grave Not Even That Big
-
Handful Of Sour Patch Kids Grabbed For Trip To Mailbox
-
Bacon Added
-
New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There
-
Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked
-
Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956
-
Police Lose Planted Evidence
-
Old Thing Really Heavy
-
Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate
-
Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time
-
Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man
-
Study: Majority Of Nation’s Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings
-
Wedding Ring Jammed Into Slot Machine
-
Chess Onlooker Sees A Move You Can Do
-
Amazing Psychic Bends Truth With Mind
-
Health Experts Warn Americans Not Sensually Eating Enough Fruit
CHICAGO—Calling attention to the startling lack of tied-up cherry stems in the average diet, health experts from the American Medical…
Recent Videos
In Other News
-
The Onion Guide To NATO
NATO is in the news as tensions rise between member states and Russia over a potential military conflict in Ukraine.…
Politics
-
Political Profile: Gregory Bovino
Gregory Bovino is “commander at large” of the U.S. Border Patrol’s mass deportation efforts. The Onion takes a look at…
Local
-
Foreskin Scrapbooked
MILL VALLEY, CA—Having proudly removed the piece of shriveled penile flesh from its bag and laid it next to her…
Sports
Entertainment
Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault
Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.













































