Subreality PD: Taking The Rap 1/1
SC: Taking The Rap.
This is a sequel to Phil’s excellent story, “Someone’s Gotta Keep This Place Clean”, which had me in stitches when I read it. Seems this silly idea of mine has developed a life of its own…
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise (apart from me) belongs to someone else and is being used without permission or profit. See the credits at the end for more specific details…
Rating: PG. There’s the occasional rude word.
Subreality PD. Interview Room Five. The one in the basement, where the hard cases go.
Michael Garibaldi ran his hand over his stubbled scalp and glared at the prisoner. Five hours of grilling, and still she refused to name her supplier. Added to that was an extremely annoying familiarity with procedure in these cases, and a knowledge of Subreality Law that forced him to toe the line. So as much as he would love to, he couldn’t have Macleod or Ellison take her to the back alley for some- persuasion. Besides, a Writer was a Writer, even if they dealt in Angst.
“Let’s try this again, Rossi,” Garibaldi grated out, “We have you on tape selling Angst to that newbie Writer. You had in your possession trafficable quantities of Angst on disk and hard copy. Are you trying to tell me you weren’t dealing?” From the chair she was slouched in, Rossi sighed theatrically and said:
“It’s for my own personal use, for the hundredth time. What is your problem Garibaldi? I wasn’t dealing, got it? The kid’s a friend of mine, I was just giving him some as a friendly gesture.”
“And the money we found?” Garibaldi’s co-interviewer, Special Agent Dana Scully, leaned forward in her chair, “We found over five thousand dollars on you when you were arrested.”
“I won it,” Rossi replied coolly, meeting the FBI agent’s piercing blue gaze easily. “On a horse.”
“Which horse?” Garibaldi jumped in, hoping to trip her up.
“’Xena’. Ask Hank McCoy or Bobby Drake. They were there. Backed the same horse, too.”
“This is pretty high quality product,” Scully said, sifting through the bagged exhibits, “Where’d you get it from? Alicia McKenzie? Amanda Sichter? Lady Seraph? Dyce?”
Rossi snorted. “Dyce? Give me a break. Her stuff’s cut with way too much humour. Don’t insult my intelligence. I only use the best.”
“This stuff’s dangerous, you know that don’t you, Rossi?” Garibaldi said earnestly, “Too much, too pure… it could send an inexperienced Writer over the edge. You saw the gang war that broke out over the Jubilee stuff that was circulating recently. So why don’t you help us out? Save a few lives?”
“I’ve got two words for you, Garibaldi. Bester and Booze.” Garibaldi’s complexion darkened alarmingly and Scully had to restrain him from leaping at the unrepentant dealer. “You reckon Angst’s a problem? Why don’t you clean yourself up first? And little Miss Unrequited Lust here isn’t much better. You two make me laugh, coming across all high and mighty with the morals. I supply a demand, that’s all, and if people can’t handle it, it’s their problem.” Rossi leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Interview over, folks.”
“Interview terminated at 0400 hours,” Scully sighed and flipped off the tape recording equipment. She rapped on the door, and a Nightwing fic in a police uniform came in. “Take her back to her cell. We need to investigate further.”
“Hey!” Rossi protested as Dick Grayson took her by the arm, “You can’t do that! You can only hold me for eight hours without charge!”
“Says who?” snarled Garibaldi.
“The Subreality Crimes (And Misdemeanours) Act,” Rossi replied promptly. Somehow she even managed to vocalise the brackets. “Section 45, subsection 1c. ‘Suspects may only be held without charge for a total of eight hours, after which they must be charged or released without charge.’ Comes right after the section on arrest and detention of rogue concepts.”
“I’ve still got three hours left, and I’m gonna use ‘em,” Garibaldi said with an unpleasant grin on his face, “Take this scum away.” Protesting loudly, Rossi was dragged back to the Writer’s detention cell, specially designed for rogue Writers after the Tapslaught incident.
“She’s right,” Scully said, “We’ll have to charge her with what we’ve got, or risk losing her all together.”
“I’m not going to flush away months of tracking her,” Garibaldi answered, pacing the floor.
“Perhaps a different approach?” Scully suggested, “Maybe the good cop routine? I could call in Mulder, or perhaps Fraser?”
“No, we already tried that with that kid Coustas from that Australian cop show. She just laughed at him.” Garibaldi sighed. “We need something stronger…” Suddenly he slapped his communicator and brought it up to his mouth as an idea hit him. “Zach?”
“Yes Chief?” the Babylon 5 security chief’s voice crackled over the comm link.
“We’re not getting anywhere with this Rossi. I want to bring in the big guns.”
“You don’t mean…?”
“Exactly. Get him on the phone and down here in fifteen minutes. We’re gonna crack this case any way we can.”
“There’s someone ta see ya,” snarled Freddy Dukes through the slot in the Reality Reinforced door of the cell. No Writer had ever escaped from Reality, not completely.
“Who?” Rossi asked, wondering how the Blob had joined the police force and where they’d found a uniform big enough for him. “I didn’t ask for a lawyer.”
“Social worker.”
“Social worker?”
“Yup. I’m s’posed ta take ya down ta see him now.”
“I don’t wanna,” whined Rossi, ineffectually as it turned out. The massive mutant simply picked her up by the shoulders and physically carried her back to Interview Room Five.
“Here she is, Mr. Dinosaur,” the Blob said, dumping Rossi into a chair. The Angst dealer’s blood ran cold as she heard the name.
‘Mr Dinosaur? Dear Lord, not that. Anything but that…’ her mind gibbered. Freddy Dukes’ bulk moved away, and Rossi caught sight of her “social worker”.
“Hello! My name is Barney! Everybody hug!”
Rossi’s scream echoed down the halls of the SRPD, and in his office, Garibaldi chuckled evilly.
“Bester me, would she?”
Credits:
Subreality is a concept devised by Kielle.
The Angst Squad are Phil’s. He said I could use them.
The horse named Xena (and the race-going Hank and Bobby) come from Amanda Sichter’s story: “A Day At The Races”.
The Nightwing in the police uniform comes from Syl Francis’ story “Nightshift”.
The Tapslaught incident refers to the Tapslaught! Round Robin, which can be found at Subreality Central.
Garibaldi, Scully, Mulder, Charlie Coustas, Macleod, Ellison, Nightwing, Zach Allen, the Blob and Barney the Dinosaur all belong to their respective copywriters.
(note to non-Australians: Charlie Coustas is the good-looking cop from the ABC series “Wildside”.)
This is a sequel to Phil’s excellent story, “Someone’s Gotta Keep This Place Clean”, which had me in stitches when I read it. Seems this silly idea of mine has developed a life of its own…
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise (apart from me) belongs to someone else and is being used without permission or profit. See the credits at the end for more specific details…
Rating: PG. There’s the occasional rude word.
Subreality PD. Interview Room Five. The one in the basement, where the hard cases go.
Michael Garibaldi ran his hand over his stubbled scalp and glared at the prisoner. Five hours of grilling, and still she refused to name her supplier. Added to that was an extremely annoying familiarity with procedure in these cases, and a knowledge of Subreality Law that forced him to toe the line. So as much as he would love to, he couldn’t have Macleod or Ellison take her to the back alley for some- persuasion. Besides, a Writer was a Writer, even if they dealt in Angst.
“Let’s try this again, Rossi,” Garibaldi grated out, “We have you on tape selling Angst to that newbie Writer. You had in your possession trafficable quantities of Angst on disk and hard copy. Are you trying to tell me you weren’t dealing?” From the chair she was slouched in, Rossi sighed theatrically and said:
“It’s for my own personal use, for the hundredth time. What is your problem Garibaldi? I wasn’t dealing, got it? The kid’s a friend of mine, I was just giving him some as a friendly gesture.”
“And the money we found?” Garibaldi’s co-interviewer, Special Agent Dana Scully, leaned forward in her chair, “We found over five thousand dollars on you when you were arrested.”
“I won it,” Rossi replied coolly, meeting the FBI agent’s piercing blue gaze easily. “On a horse.”
“Which horse?” Garibaldi jumped in, hoping to trip her up.
“’Xena’. Ask Hank McCoy or Bobby Drake. They were there. Backed the same horse, too.”
“This is pretty high quality product,” Scully said, sifting through the bagged exhibits, “Where’d you get it from? Alicia McKenzie? Amanda Sichter? Lady Seraph? Dyce?”
Rossi snorted. “Dyce? Give me a break. Her stuff’s cut with way too much humour. Don’t insult my intelligence. I only use the best.”
“This stuff’s dangerous, you know that don’t you, Rossi?” Garibaldi said earnestly, “Too much, too pure… it could send an inexperienced Writer over the edge. You saw the gang war that broke out over the Jubilee stuff that was circulating recently. So why don’t you help us out? Save a few lives?”
“I’ve got two words for you, Garibaldi. Bester and Booze.” Garibaldi’s complexion darkened alarmingly and Scully had to restrain him from leaping at the unrepentant dealer. “You reckon Angst’s a problem? Why don’t you clean yourself up first? And little Miss Unrequited Lust here isn’t much better. You two make me laugh, coming across all high and mighty with the morals. I supply a demand, that’s all, and if people can’t handle it, it’s their problem.” Rossi leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Interview over, folks.”
“Interview terminated at 0400 hours,” Scully sighed and flipped off the tape recording equipment. She rapped on the door, and a Nightwing fic in a police uniform came in. “Take her back to her cell. We need to investigate further.”
“Hey!” Rossi protested as Dick Grayson took her by the arm, “You can’t do that! You can only hold me for eight hours without charge!”
“Says who?” snarled Garibaldi.
“The Subreality Crimes (And Misdemeanours) Act,” Rossi replied promptly. Somehow she even managed to vocalise the brackets. “Section 45, subsection 1c. ‘Suspects may only be held without charge for a total of eight hours, after which they must be charged or released without charge.’ Comes right after the section on arrest and detention of rogue concepts.”
“I’ve still got three hours left, and I’m gonna use ‘em,” Garibaldi said with an unpleasant grin on his face, “Take this scum away.” Protesting loudly, Rossi was dragged back to the Writer’s detention cell, specially designed for rogue Writers after the Tapslaught incident.
“She’s right,” Scully said, “We’ll have to charge her with what we’ve got, or risk losing her all together.”
“I’m not going to flush away months of tracking her,” Garibaldi answered, pacing the floor.
“Perhaps a different approach?” Scully suggested, “Maybe the good cop routine? I could call in Mulder, or perhaps Fraser?”
“No, we already tried that with that kid Coustas from that Australian cop show. She just laughed at him.” Garibaldi sighed. “We need something stronger…” Suddenly he slapped his communicator and brought it up to his mouth as an idea hit him. “Zach?”
“Yes Chief?” the Babylon 5 security chief’s voice crackled over the comm link.
“We’re not getting anywhere with this Rossi. I want to bring in the big guns.”
“You don’t mean…?”
“Exactly. Get him on the phone and down here in fifteen minutes. We’re gonna crack this case any way we can.”
“There’s someone ta see ya,” snarled Freddy Dukes through the slot in the Reality Reinforced door of the cell. No Writer had ever escaped from Reality, not completely.
“Who?” Rossi asked, wondering how the Blob had joined the police force and where they’d found a uniform big enough for him. “I didn’t ask for a lawyer.”
“Social worker.”
“Social worker?”
“Yup. I’m s’posed ta take ya down ta see him now.”
“I don’t wanna,” whined Rossi, ineffectually as it turned out. The massive mutant simply picked her up by the shoulders and physically carried her back to Interview Room Five.
“Here she is, Mr. Dinosaur,” the Blob said, dumping Rossi into a chair. The Angst dealer’s blood ran cold as she heard the name.
‘Mr Dinosaur? Dear Lord, not that. Anything but that…’ her mind gibbered. Freddy Dukes’ bulk moved away, and Rossi caught sight of her “social worker”.
“Hello! My name is Barney! Everybody hug!”
Rossi’s scream echoed down the halls of the SRPD, and in his office, Garibaldi chuckled evilly.
“Bester me, would she?”
Credits:
Subreality is a concept devised by Kielle.
The Angst Squad are Phil’s. He said I could use them.
The horse named Xena (and the race-going Hank and Bobby) come from Amanda Sichter’s story: “A Day At The Races”.
The Nightwing in the police uniform comes from Syl Francis’ story “Nightshift”.
The Tapslaught incident refers to the Tapslaught! Round Robin, which can be found at Subreality Central.
Garibaldi, Scully, Mulder, Charlie Coustas, Macleod, Ellison, Nightwing, Zach Allen, the Blob and Barney the Dinosaur all belong to their respective copywriters.
(note to non-Australians: Charlie Coustas is the good-looking cop from the ABC series “Wildside”.)