Two song fragments
These are a couple of bits of song parody I came up with, and figured I should write down before I forget. The first is based on "My Logger Lover", which is easy to parody if you find a word that sounds like "logger", and the march of technology has given us another one:

One day as I sat typing
Inside Starbucks Cafe,
A nineteen-year-old barista
To me these words did say:

"I see you are a blogger,
Not just some 4chan bum,
For nobody but a blogger
Has such a bad case of Blackberry thumb."

Which is pretty much all I'm going to write, because the joke won't gain layers through repetition (the AMV Hell theory of filking). To maintain symmetry with the original, I assume the barista's boyfriend left his spam filter off and died from over-clicking while deleting it all.

The second is a new final verse for "My Darling Clementine." It amuses me to find eight- (or so) syllable phrases with a break in the middle that can be sung to the penultimate line of the verse (the "Dwelt a miner Forty-Niner/Herring boxes without topses" line). One occurred to me, and it fit the overall theme of the song, so here it is:

But black magic, necromantic,
Drove away these woes of mine
Cadaveric reanimation
Soon brought back my Clementine.

(Yes, it's nine syllables, but it fits well enough, and somehow without the "re-" it sounds more suited to "Frankenstein" than necromancy.) This would replace the "Listen Boy Scouts" verse (which I suspect was composed on the same principle, given how well "Artificial respiration" fits the meter).

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Pub food
Two recipes, one that I make regularly, one that I made for the first time yesterday:

HAMBURGER HASH

1 lb. ground beef
1 lb. frozen shredded hash browns
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1 cup frozen corn
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
Salt & pepper to taste

In a large skillet, cook the ground beef with the Worcestershire sauce until it's approximately halfway done, stirring as needed. Add the onions and continue to cook until they begin to turn clear at the edges. Add the hash browns and cook until they're heated. Shorly before the hash browns are done, add the corn, salt and pepper.

NOTES: This is my version of something my mother made from time to time. The basic ingredients are easy, but there's a bit of an art to knowing when to add everything to make it come out right. The profile I aim for is: beef fairly well-done (more so than if I were adding it to taco sauce or something), onions al dente rather than completely sauteed, hash browns cooked but no attempt to make them crunchy. I add a good amount of Worcestershire (the quantity above is an estimate); it can use more salt than you might think, because the sauce and beef contribute some, the hash browns are bland on their own.

BANGERS AND MASH

6 medium-large sausages
2 medium or 1 large onions, coarsely chopped
1 lb. mashed potatoes
Cooking oil (optional)
1 cup beef or turkey gravy
1/2 cup wine
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
Flour (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare the mashed potatoes according to recipe and set aside. In a large skillet, fry sausages and onions until sausages are golden on the outside and onions are caramelized. (Oil may be added to the skillet if the sausages don't release enough fat on their own.) Remove sausages from skillet, cut into 1" slices, and return to skillet until outside is cooked.

Remove the sausage and onion and set aside. Add wine and Worcestershire sauce to pan and heat while delazing. Mix gravy into pan, adding flour to thicken if needed.

Place the sausage and onions in a casserole dish and cover with gravy mixture. Cover with the mashed potatoes, spreading them to produce an even layer over the top. Cook at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

NOTES: This is a recipe I synthesized from various recipes I found online; I'm quite happy with how it turned out, although since I've only made it once I don't have the procedure down perfectly. It turned out particularly well because of the amazing gravy left over from Thanksgiving. I've become a fan of the Ore-Ida steam-in-the-bag mashed potatoes; I wouldn't substitute them for potatoes made from scratch for, say, Thanksgiving, but they're great to have on hand if you want mashed potatoes relatively quickly and easily. (All the more so because of my raw potato allergy.)

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At long last fondue
I've been promising to post the two chocolate fondue recipes we made for coeli's birthday four months ago, but since that was the day I cut my finger (now basically healed) I wasn't doing much extraneous typing, and I kept putting it off. But no longer!

Recipe #1: (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_27769,00.html)

12 oz chopped bittersweet chocolate (they recommend Scharffen Berger; we used some Ghiardelli chips we had in the cabinet)
2/3 cup sour cream (I decided to splurge on regular rather than the light I usually get, because it would be a drop in the bucket at this point. Though I've heard that fat free is actually better for sauces because it melts more smoothly, so it might be worth a try)
1/4 cup orange-flavored or other liqueur, or very strong coffee (omitted because I forgot to pick it up amidst the 300 other things I was buying; it seemed to work all right without it but would probably be better with it)
1/2 to 1 cup heavy cream

In fondue pot over low heat, melt chocolate with sour cream, stirring. Add liqueur/coffee. Stir in cream until desired thickness is reached.

I picked this one in part due to its utter simplicity; as you can see, there aren't a lot in the way of ingredients.

Recipe #2: (http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/dessert-recipes/mexican-chocolate-fondue/article.html and http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/mixed-drink-recipes/mexican-hot-chocolate/article.html)

1 cup heavy cream
1 cup water (*see below)
8 oz chocolate (chips or Mexican chocolate) (IIRC we used a mix because crushing half a pound of chocolate sounded like it would be a lot of work)
2 tbsp sugar
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
~2 tsp rose water (we didn't really measure, just splashed it in)
1/2 tsp chile powder
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
Pinch of salt

Combine ingredients in fondue pot and stir over low heat until smooth. (I asterisk the water because the chocolate recipe is actually a Mexican hot chocolate recipe with cream substituted for the milk. You might want to check the thickness before you add the water so you don't wind up having to cook it all out again, although one cup doesn't seem excessive given the other quantities involved.)

The rose water was our addition to the recipe; it adds a nice flavor note but isn't critical if you don't happen to have it in your house, which most people don't nowadays.

Serving ideas include:

--Large marshmallows (we had some that were stale, which was ideal)
--Cinnamon doughnut holes (can probably stand to be cut in half)
--Cubes of pound cake or angel food cake
--Pineapple
--Banana (we used red bananas, which are firmer than the usual sort)
--Strawberries

...and so forth; use your imagination.

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Ow!
I got my stitches out today. In some ways it was actually more uncomfortable than the original injury; freshly broken glass is very sharp, so the cut was clean and stung more than hurt, and when they sewed me up I was well-numbed. This time I had a nurse who wasn't at the best angle, who had to pull on the stitches to be able to cut them because they were tied close to the skin, and...yeah. (I got to keep the scissors and tweezers, though!)

Now that the initial tenderness has worn off, I seem to be mending fine; I've got some SteriStrips on for added healing and to reduce scarring, but (at least with a Band-Aid on) I'm using the finger to write and type without much trouble. (I did get pretty adept at doing stuff with my other fingers, but it could get awkward, and pushing on the stitches themselves was uncomfortable.) And once the strips come off, I'll be able to wash dishes again...

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Owww
So I was cleaning up the kitchen in preparation for coeli's birthday. I'd finished washing most of the backlog of dishes, and decided to wash some wineglasses that had been there for a while. I stupidly forgot that the supports for glasses on the dish drainer don't work for those, and when I put the second one on the first one headed for the floor. I automatically tried to catch it...and wound up slicing into my right index finger.

I did everything I was supposed to, washing it out and putting pressure on it, but it was clear it would need attention. Josh drove me to Carle Clinic while I held a dishtowel pressed to my hand. Fortunately one of the nurses decided to bump me up when she saw I was injured and not just there for a shot or something. I got cleaned, numbed and stitched up fairly quickly. The finger's still wrapped in gauze, so I don't quite know what it looks like at the moment, but I'll take it off tomorrow. (I sort of turned into the head chef of the household this afternoon; we were making chocolate fondue in lieu of cake, and I'd done all the planning, knew where everything was, and am really bad at letting other people work in the kitchen while I sit back and do nothing.)

All in all, though, this could have been a lot worse. The broken glass was sharp enough that the injury stung, but didn't hurt that badly all in all. (The doctor did say that I may have cut a nerve and may have some residual numbness in the fingertip, but thanks to my typing calluses I don't have very sensitive fingertips anyway. Work is going to be interesting for a few days, however.) I've been lucky enough up to this point that this is the worst injury I've ever sustained (previous runner-up being when I fell off my bike and skinned both knees when I was eight); I've never broken a bone or needed stitches before. If not for the honor I'd just as soon not had it happen, but it's an inconvenience, not a life-changing disaster.

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Crock pot posole (or pozole) recipe
I made a variant of this recipe earlier in the month. Posole was a traditional family dish for New Year's when the whole family was still at the house for New Year's (which coincides with my father still being able to cook, more or less). (It's apparently actually a Christmas tradition in New Mexico, which is where my father is from, but close enough.)

It's based on this recipe:

http://busycooks.about.com/od/hotsouprecipes/r/crockpotpozole.htm

with minor modifications by me.

1 lb boneless pork (I went the cheap route and bought a pork shoulder that had been reduced for quick sale and spent a lot of time cutting the meat off it; I don't really recommend this unless you're trying to save money but it did provide some amazing stock)
2 15 oz cans hominy, drained
4 cups water
1 onion (chopped)
4 cloves garlic (minced)
3 Anaheim chiles
1 4 oz can green chiles, undrained
2 tbsp chili powder (or more to taste)
1 tsp dried cilantro
1 tbsp lime juice
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp salt

Roast the Anaheim chiles (I used the toaster oven, but you can also use the oven or an open flmae) until the skin chars. Put them in a paper bag to steam for 10 minutes, then remove skin and seeds and chop. (This process turned out kind of messy for me, but I don't think I roasted them long enough.)

Cube the pork (the recipe calls for 1" cubes, whereas I was sort of working with whatever size chunks I could get), combine everything in crock pot, and cook for 6-8 hours on low (until pork is tender).

For those who want a less spicy recipe (though this version isn't very spicy as written), you can leave out the Anaheim chiles and replace the chili powder with an approximate equivalent in the other spices. (I'd recommend including a little for the flavor; a small amount won't produce noticeable heat.) I didn't try this version, but the people who don't like spice had no problem with it.

The recipe suggests serving with Pequin chiles, sour cream, tortilla chips, and chopped avocado. I did get an avocado, but had a 4-day delay in making the recipe and it sort of fell apart on me, so I can't weigh in on this one. What I do recommend, if you're up for it, is a chipotle hot sauce (I use Bufalo brand, very hot, which is a long-time personal favorite), which really rounds out the flavor.

We served this with cornbread, which went very well.

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Something approaching the Reuben soup recipe
There's been talk lately of Reuben soup, which is one of my favorite comfort foods and which I make a point of making at least once a year. (Which tends to mean just once a year for some reason.) As the one who's been making it based on my mother's recipe, here's an attempt at setting it down. (Bear in mind that I'm an intuitive cook if I'm working from memory, which is why I'm better at casseroles than baking; at least this is more precise than my "recipe" for doctored Kraft mac and cheese, which relies heavily on "whatever dairy is in the fridge at the time".)

Ingredients: (all quantities are approximate)

8 cups water
Beef bouillon
2 lbs sauerkraut
2 lbs potatoes (a boiling variety, not baking)
10 bratwurst (quality matters--don't settle for Johnsonville, which is pretty flavorless)
Caraway seeds (optional)
Parmesan cheese (optional)

Prep:

1. Cut the potatoes into 1" cubes. Boil until you can pierce with a fork, but not beyond that. (They're the component that takes the longest to cook, and precooking will save you time, but you don't want them to fall apart.)

2. Cook the bratwurst for about 5-6 minutes; this will release the flavor and drain away some of the fat. Cut into 1" chunks.

3. Wash the sauerkraut in a colander to reduce the saltiness.

Cooking:

1. Put the water into a large pot over medium high heat. (You could also start with beef broth/stock as a component.)

2. Add potatoes, bratwurst, and sauerkraut.

3. Add bouillon until the broth has the desired level of flavor (the package should give approximate quantities). (The sauerkraut and bratwurst will add salt and flavor, so adding the bouillon afterwards will keep it from being over-flavored. I like it with a strong flavor and probably tend to add too much.)

4. If desired, add around 1 tsp of caraway seeds.

5. Cook until potatoes are soft. Can be served with Parmesan cheese as a topping; goes well with bread.

Notes:

Quantities, as noted, are approximate (precision isn't too important here). If you like bratwurst, I recommend adding a good amount, because it floats to the top and you can wind up eating most of it in the first set of servings if you aren't careful.

The first time you chill the leftovers, be prepared to skim off a layer of fat from the top.

Owing to the nature of soup, by the end of a large batch you'll wind up with a quantity of broth and sauerkraut with no potatoes or sausage. I've taken to freezing this and using it as starter for the next batch; it saves you having to flavor that quantity of liquid the next time around.

Edit: I made a batch today and used some cans of low-sodium beef broth. The effect isn't quite the same--I'm used to it being a bit over-flavored--but it came out pretty well, and the flavor of the sausage and the potatoes comes through more clearly as a result. The quantity in question was 4 14.5 oz cans of broth, plus the frozen leftovers from last year (about the volume of a brick when frozen) and 2 cups of water with the appropriate amount of bouillon.

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Meme that's making the rounds...
01. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
02. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
03. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
04. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it's more amusing that way.







(The black is part of the original image. Reanne Evans is a British snooker champion. I would also have liked the quote above the one I got--"Otherwise they'll kill you.)

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Meme that's making the rounds:

Name 12 characters you have played in RPGs, before looking at the questions that follow. List your characters numbered 1 to 12, with the name of the RPG you played them in. Once you've picked your 12 characters, look at the questions and answer accordingly. (No peeking until you've picked your characters!) Put your answers behind a LJ-cut.

1. Rachel Arashi, street mage with a suspiciously close relationship with her brother, That Shadowrun game no one expected to be any good and in fact pretty much wasn't
2. Asahina, super-strong blue-tinted volleyball player, Star Knight II
3. Bluebell (aka Blue Bess), blue-skinned shapeshifting air pirate, Sky Pirates
4. Barbara Fletcher, mermaid, Seaside
5. Kwan-Sook Hopkins-Andrikotxea, art student and reluctant hunter, Cleveland Buffy
6. Princess Hydrangea, inventive but sheltered elf princess, Young Heroes
7. Marikit Laxamana, Oz-obsessed teen sorceress, Ordo Malleus
8. Sedrina, fallen noblewoman turned camp follower, Coeli
9. Shizue, 700-year-old loligoth demon hunter, Grand Melee
10. Chris Stephens, bitter military psychologist, FACTOR 1
11. Umino Chuutoro, shadow-wielding ninja student, Hebikage Academy
12. Wildlife, self-centered partial shapeshifter, GURPS Villains

( The answersCollapse )

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Jeeves at Bat
I saw "Batman Begins" this afternoon. I was extremely impressed, but there was one scene that caused extremely weird images to pop full-formed into my mind. It's the scene where Bruce wakes up and Alfred brings him a glass of Alka-Seltzer, and, well, this is the result...

I don’t know if you’ve ever spent a night inhaling militarized hallucinogens, but if you have, you are doubtless aware of the benefit of having a butler like Alfred. I’d spent a dissolute night with Jonathan "Crowy" Crane down at the Arkham club, in the course of which I’d nicked no fewer than three SWAT team helmets, and now the three-o’clock sun breaking through the curtains threatened to scorch me to ash where I lay.
I moaned, and Alfred appeared in the doorway. "Awake at last, Master Bruce?" he asked.
"Don’t stand there awake-at-lasting me," I grumbled peevishly. "Fetch me one of your patented pick-me-ups and be quick about it."
"Indeed, sir," he intoned imperturbably, and shimmered from the room. I congealed quietly until he returned with a glass on a tray.
I don’t know what Alfred puts in his pick-me-ups, but he claims to have received the formula from Fox down at Military R&D. Old Fox is a brainy chap—consumes fish like a penguin, if that’s the bird I’m thinking of—and Alfred’s added something to give it extra fizz. All I know is that after one of his morning specials, I could take on the entire League of Shadows single-handed.
"That’s the stuff, Alfred!" I exclaimed, bounding from bed and commencing a few hundred push-ups. "How long was I out this time, Alfred?"
"Two days, sir. If I might—"
"Two days?" I exclaimed. "Well, no time to be laying about, then. Fetch me my new suit, if you would, Alfred."
Alfred spoke not a word, but his expression spoke volumes. When last in Metropolis I’d picked up a costume of the latest a la mode—which I used to think meant it would be covered in ice cream, but Alfred tells me otherwise. This suit is a stunning example of the costumer’s craft; the zebra stripes makes me appear positively dashing, and it’s just the thing for sneaking about on the veldt. Alfred has the gall to suggest that Gotham isn’t on the veldt, and he’s made his opinion felt since I acquired it.
"Alfred," I said warmly, "an employer can only take so much of this. I can’t be seen at the club in black, and I think it’s a bit thick of you to pooh-pooh the new suit at every opportunity."
"I was not pooh-poohing your suit, Master Bruce. I merely—"
"I beg your pardon, but there was a distinct air of pooh-poohing about you."
"Be that as it may, Master Bruce, I merely meant to remind you that it is Thursday."
"I don’t care if it is Thursday, Alfred. I don’t recall that the Zebra Batman suit having any sort of a limited warranty."
"Thursday," he continued imperturbably, "is when your Aunt Harriet arrives in Gotham. In light of that, Master Bruce, perhaps the activities of the Batman should be placed on temporary hold."
I chilled to the very marrow of my being. You may talk about your Nora Clavicles, but when it comes to creatures of the night, Aunt Harriet leaves them all cold. When Aunt Harriet is a guest at Stately Wayne M., all nocturnal activities must cease.
"Alfred," I said mournfully, "cancel all my Batman activities. Throw the utility belt into mothballs. Call the Joker and tell him he’ll have to rampage another week. When Aunt Harriet calls, I must but hark and obey."
"Very good, Master Bruce," Alfred replied...

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Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

15% Yankee

5% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

...which is about what you'd expect when you grow up in the Midwest and your grandparents are from Boston, Maine, Texas and Arkansas (with one parent growing up in Connecticut and one in New Mexico and Colorado). (Although there's one I couldn't answer fairly--whether you pronounce "aunt" as "ant." I use different pronunciations for my Eastern and Western relatives--it's "Awnt" Wende and "Ant" Carol.)

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