soloproject, posts by tag: 2017 - LiveJournal

Just came back from a very reflective 5 days home, mainly for my mom's birthday. It was really hot in Manila, up to 44 deg and so that was weirdly hard on me. Spent the time with a low grade migraine. But also got a lot of ideas and really should list them down. Some of the time spend there was tough-- before I moved, I put everything in order and in storage and after four months, I come back and my mom went through all of my stuff. Part of me knows that I neglected to be strict abou it. But I thought my organization made it clear that there was a system where I knew where everything was. But I came back and it was shot all to hell. My mom is always curious, not to mention she doesn't have many boundaries. It wasn't like she was going to take anything, she just wanted to see what kind of stuff I had-- it's tough to explain but it's kind of like being simultaneously territorial and proprietary, I dunno. But bottomline was that I couldn't find anything and it was very frustrating in the end.

Ten days since the last entry and right now I am using this log entry post as a warm up for actual writing I have to do today. This week is the first week that my Ethics class is going into full independent study and E-learning mode and so there is much writing ahead of me. However, I have been doing a lot of writing, a combination of academic, role-play and fiction writing. I'm still having a hard time balancing stuff without completely resigning to staying in all day. In Singapore, travel takes a while because you traverse across a whole country. I can't complain when going 5 km in Manila takes an hour. I'm in a period when I'm trying to learn how to maximize my time, even while traveling.

Ok, updates! I can't sleep because I was reading manga and I kind of strayed into psychological manga but ended up in Junji Ito territory, then I re-read Monster, one of my personal favorites and I burned through 18 volumes until it was literally 3-4 AM and after that I just had a hard time sleeping. Also, the kopi at kopitiam? SO cheap and so good and it is black, BLACK like demon's blood. I should write about it sometime.

Speaking of writing: there has been plenty of that going on! I even went as far as posting on AO3-- so. As promised, I have not finished a WIP before end of Feb but posted 2 brand new ones, co-written by my eternal Julie. It is role-play-ish but we've been writing together for so long (roughly 12 years on and off) that we don't even take roles, we just write full plotty tags. And it is PRINCE OF TENNIS, why??? Because I am returning to my roots, LOL. But if anyone is interested, it is a medical drama, canon-ish, FUTURE AU and it is cute and also dark: http://archiveofourown.org/series/664244

Other than that, I am ALSO trying to "get back to my thang" art wise. Stay tuned. I don't even if I am fully satisfied with where I post them but I will figure that out soon.

Tuesday is my first day of school every week, so Saturday until I leave around 4 for campus is usually left for me to spiral through anywhere from loneliness to anxiety. But since I've picked up Livejournal again lately, I've also been sifting through old entries and posts! There was a time circa 2010 where I drew so much and so well but it was also when I was in the throes of fandom. These days, I am a fan of things but I haven't been involved in so much fandom lately, just on the fringe as a fan of things. Frankly, I haven't been indulging in as much drawing of fanart but maybe it's the key to my full enjoyment? I'll have to do it to find out.

Last Sunday, I had a lovely brunch with my friend Juliette, it was very indulgent and very out of our budget but it was also just the thing to helping us feel a bit more human in this transient space we are both in at the moment. We have similar situations-- I'm lucky enough to have money to study and she is working as a paid intern but we are not by any means wealthy or have money to blow. So what to do when you live in a city where enjoyment depends so much on mobile and monetary mobility.

So, if anyone is reading this on their feed...what are you doing these days? I started LJ when I was a high school freshman and carried on until 2015. Are you married? Do you have kids? Are you in fandoms? Are you sharing your fandoms? Are you balancing this with a career? Have you made your interests part of your career? I would love to know.

Sunday night. Sitting at my desk where I wanna be. But wait, this post isn't going to be a downer but when you're a sociable woman of means, with a circle of friends and everyone just wants to keep going out and doing this and that and running all over the city, sometimes you have to put your foot down and say, hey. Listen. Sometimes a hoe just wants to sleep early.

Today I went to brunch, I went to get an ëxpress"mani+pedi (which is when they just clean up your nails without any of spa frills) and got sidelined doing a little shopping and went with a friend to pick up something she left at another friend's apartment...that's about 1.5 things more than my daily no more than 2 daily upheavals quota. On a Sunday. And it was fun! But also tiring. There were many conversations about how people interact, stereotyping, "male feminists", how unfair is unfair and other topics that can only be brought about by cheap Tiger beer.

The day before was also tiring in a way: we went swimming and went to dinner at my aunt and uncle's house before heading back. My uncle is about 3 weeks clear of some major brain surgery and he's up and about, healing well, which is great but he says he's so bored and starved for things to do so he's basically cooking and walking everyday, trying to reorganize the house and raise a preteen who is increasingly crankier by the day. I better invite him out to some museum or gallery or something before he explodes.

I also went to a workshop at the National Library for an art journaling workshop which was really nice, actually! And anyway, it was free, and forced me to draw. Which is always good.

Today's class in Interdisciplinary Thinking was so frustrating! On top of that I feel a little brain dead and somewhat tired as my sleep schedule continues to be fucked and I can never turn my brain off. Still, as usual today we opened class with a movie that we generally use as a case study (since my professor finds it boring to use regular/real cases-- so sad) as a launching pad for the day's ask, which is we break down the variables involved in problem solving: problem, problem space, stakeholder perspective, context, thinking methodology and the like and have a lively debate keeping those aspects in mind.

My first general issue is that when we use movies and try to keep only that information in mind, we never truly have a complete picture of the problem. There's not enough information, not to mention characters are only multidimensional to a point.

My second general issue is a lack of understanding of the context. We are in Singapore, in Asia, where the problem solving mechanics are vastly different from the context of the problem. So in the realm of confronting an issue happening in, say, Boston, early 2000s, rough neighborhood, child abduction case, is frustratingly argued within an ethics mindset not suited to it. Although the mental stretch is fine for an interdisciplinary thought exercise, I was afraid that the topic was ill-suited; I wish my professor would've chosen a case set in an education setting at least (Waiting for Superman, Dead Poet's Society, The Emperor's Club or something), then we can talk in the realm of our interest (We're all taking our Master in Education Management).

Anyway, it helps that I'm writing about this because I can straighten out my thoughts. At the very least, it was incredible helpful to go through the motions of actually identifying key points of the argument so we could reach the actual point of finding a solution.

Today I didn't have class but I went to school for a "tea with the Dean" kind of thing. It was a small group, just 7 people bothered to go. Which was sad because the dean mentioned he had to step out of a still ongoing meeting just to do this and also because it seems the grad students aren't very social/don't give a shit.

However, being able to sit and ask a lot of questions directly to the dean was good because I was able to clarify some stuff that's been hanging over my head for a while, mainly about research opportunities. I did make at least one friend, so we shall see how that goes. My biggest gripe at the moment is the unsocial nature of the grad students somewhat. For an international school and one who consistently makes the top of the lists of school with the youngest average aged population, a lot of my classmates are timid and solitary. It also makes group work intensely difficult to coordinate. Squeezing opinions out of them is even worse. I hope this is not going to be the trend in my experience. I envy my friends in other programs who say that they're almost tired of the level of socializing they do on top of their studies.

I also with D, who is a friend I made who is doing an exchange at the Arts College. We've been speaking a lot about our art, what we would like to pursue, our philosophies and such like today over two gigantic pizzas. We also like Steven Universe and a lot of other things, so we talk about that.

Today as a whole was undoubtedly a cranky one. I couldn't express my unsettled feelings about life in Singapore to F, even after solid conversations with J last night over beers. I am going to try and blog about this regularly, even just to get my thoughts straight. I was also able to read through a bunch of fanfic WIPs and I have a goal to finish one before the end of this month. It's going to be probably something out of left field, either my HP Mauraders AU or the ParaNorman one. But the goal is to finish something.

It is funny what one misses when one is not there. There are a lot of things going on in Manila that is giving me major FOMO but this is the track I picked and so I have to make the best of that too.

I am going to try getting back on LiveJournal because it is time to write. My life update: I have moved to Singapore for grad school, FINALLY. Not the finally of Singapore but the finally of getting over myself and applying to grad school, getting in and now I'm here. It is something that I have put off for a horrible amount of time. Now I am 31, single, gf/aro/f and I have to figure all of this out before my head explodes.

I am constantly warring among my own states, particularly the logical scholar who loves her work and the passionate artist who can't see a future in that but can't not do it anyway. I have laid a short list of goals that I should accomplish this year. It's not much.

- Put out a portfolio and a good body of work, if not for something then to my satisfaction.
- Do not do more than two major upheavals a day. Ex, on school days, one is school/class and then one other thing.
- I have successfully fucked up my sleep schedule, as I knew I would but in the process also mucked up any hope for fitness, taking my meds regularly, etc. I know I have anxiety and mild depression at best but I also know that being out and walking makes me feel better, instead of giving in to sleeping, which I can do up to 12 hours or more for no reason. As a result, I feel tired and that's no good, especially when I have school work. Fix this now.
- Stay in touch, reach out to people and keep solidly reminding them that you are here for them, that you exist, that you are available even virtually and also remind them when you can't.
- Writing. I would like to release some kind of e-book. Clean out my WIPs. Satisfy myself, even if it's just fanfic, even if it's just an LJ entry.