Chapter 44 - Identity

-W-

    He was dreaming again.. I could feel it through our connection. His eyes had closed, his breathing grew slow and heavy. A peaceful expression warmed his face.. and he slept. He dreamt. Our connection felt even stronger than it had before, rekindled and fresh. Maybe that's why I felt I was able to feel everything so clearly, the contrast of not having it at all to now suddenly being thrust back into the full gamut of feelings.

    Or maybe we had truly grown closer. Understood one another better. Accepted one another.

    My body was sore and tired. I yearned to sleep, to rest, to recover. We finally could, without worry. I let myself meld back with him more and more, until I had returned to my home, to my void. My body needed to truly rest, to disappear for a while. My mind could rest in the bastion of my dreaming human's mind.

    Admittedly I was also curious about my own home realm. Was the cat here somewhere? Was the horror? All I saw was darkness, just like in the beginning. I pulled my mind, my consciousness, slowly away from the peaceful dreams of my human and dared to press further into the dark. How far could I go? I had a stronger grasp of myself now. I could even visualize my wolven body. Looking down I could see my hands, distorted and vague.. but coming into focus.

    My consciousness carried me further into the void. Then legs did.. or my idea of my legs. They were only there because I wished them to be, I thought of them now. It felt more natural to have a body, a solid representation of myself now, after being out in Connor's world. I focused my eyes, or my mind's eye, outward. Beyond anything I had touched in my void. To the edge of it. It only took a single step to get there once I willed it. The vast expanse it had felt like, crossed in a single willed movement.

    There was a gap, a tunnel. A hallway? No.. it was some narrow thread that seemed to link my void to somewhere else. A rift. A barrier. This was where the cat had gone. Where the horror had gone. I could sense it clearly. My void was not our realm, not even close. It was but a single, private room branched off of whatever more expansive place he came from. I pressed my hand to the thread, to the seam.

    A flash of what lay beyond shot through my mind. Colors. Warping figures. Landscapes of impossible creations, both living and not. I couldn't wrap my mind around what I was seeing. The living creatures were spread out all across the expanse. Some interacted, some kept to themselves. Some sat in darkness, while others used or built on the existing structures and creations around them.

    There were animal-like representations of things there.. though that seemed to only be on the surface. Even my own appearance was only wolf on the surface. I could see layers beneath that. On top of it even. I was choosing which layer I wanted, I wanted the look of my physical body, my wolven form. Maybe it had been inspired by Connor's dreams, by his thoughts, by his feelings. He had crafted it for me without knowing. I would wear it proudly.

    We're some of the other more recognizable animalistic beings here crafted in the same way mine was? There were plenty of creatures in the expanse that were masses of unrecognizable features, of otherworldly shapes and limbs and faces. Some without faces at all. Others almost looked like normal animals. Or like me, some blend between animal and human.

    We're any of these guardians like me? Surely not.. the other guardians would be in their own private voids like my own. Could my little pocket have more? Could it be like this expanse? Maybe it didn't have to be only darkness.

    I didn't want to risk stepping through the connected thread, I had just wanted to peek.. and while it left me with infinitely more questions it did help solidify my place in the world. I sat between Connor's world and this strange, alien place that was techny my home, even if this was my first time seeing it. I began to pull back.. but stopped.

    I saw him.

    The cat. He looked different, but recognizable. His face and shape were different but I could feel it was him. He looked more simple here. Like someone had just done an outline of his shadow in my world and brought it to life. He was moving amongst other shadows like him, away from the more solidified and colorful structures and landscapes.

    He moved and floated alongside two other shapes that seemed to entangle and intertwine with his shadowy form. It was not in malice, it felt.. comforting. Somehow I knew that they were welcoming him back. I did not like the demoncat, but.. I wished him no harm here. If these were friends, or allies, or lovers.. let them keep him safe.

    My mind and body froze as some grand feeling washed over me. It felt like I was suddenly being watched, like a beam of light had engulfed me and everything was exposed. Something powerful was looking at me, I could see it's eyes. Three of them, two higher than the third lower one. It watched me.. and smiled. A split tore in the fabric below it's gaze, forming a semblance of a mouth. 

    I pulled back into my void, leaving the seam behind and drifting back towards the warmth of my human's dreaming mind. It was comforting and familiar, unlike that strange, alien world I'd glimpsed into. He was dreaming so clearly.. I'd never seen it like this. I'd only seen little fragments and the occasional words.. but this was like a seam or a thread of its own. Another rift.

    Could I touch it just the same? Could I enter it?

    The expanse of that alien world was daunting.. but my human's dream was inviting. I pressed my consciousness to the seam and let myself enter.

    I stepped into a room.. it was not one I recognized, but it looked familiar somehow. Everything seemed slightly off, details weren't really there as I looked around and tried to focus on any given thing. The general shape of everything seemed right. A bed. A doorway. The walls and window. I let myself drift deeper, stepping through the doorway. 

    It was someone's home. It looked comfortable, cozy. There was a fire against one wall but it seemed.. purposefully there, contained in a stone cage. It warmed the room and cast a lovely glow on everything. Connor was there, smiling and sitting on a large couch, talking to someone. He looked different.. It took me a moment to place it. He was younger, much younger. Hardly older than a pup. He looked so small and silly.. but I smiled at the sight of his cheery expressions as he talked. Young pup Connor.

    He was telling a story to someone, to a female, an older female. She was sitting beside him, happily listening, as he went on and on about something. The woman looked.. very similar to Connor. I couldn't quite place why, maybe it was their eyes. Maybe it was the little speckles on their cheeks.

    Of course.. It was his mother.

    He was dreaming about talking with his mom. Was this her home? My ears twitched as I got closer, staying back and hidden for now as I tried to figure out what he was saying to her.

    "...biggest wolf you've ever seen! He's taller than dad! Please can we keep him? Please? I promise I'll take care of him.. He kept me safe and protected me while you were gone." Connor's younger voice was higher pitched and more exuberant.

    He was telling his mother about me. The way he spoke of me had such praise and joy behind it. 

    I moved in closer.

    "He sounds wonderful.. It's a lot of responsibility though. Are you sure you can handle it?" Her voice was so familiar.. I knew I had heard it before. While I was still growing, through Connor's thoughts. I knew this female, without ever actually meeting her. I could feel the love for her radiating off Young Connor.. And I could feel the same returned by his mother.

    "I know, I know. I can handle it. Please? Look at him. You have to let him stay!.." Connor gestured to me, like he knew I'd been standing there the whole time.

    "Alright.. alright. He can stay. What are you going to name him?"

    "I already came up with the best name. Remember! Remember when we'd go up to the lake and visit Nana? Remember how she'd read to us? Those fairy tale books? Remember Nana?"

    "Yes yes, of course I remember Nana. She was my mom for many years before she was your grandma you know.. go on. What about Nana?" His mother bumped his chin with her hand.

    "When we'd go exploring around the lake, and chase the dogs around! Nana would always call me Faolán. Always call me her little wolf."

    "Ah.. yes, her brave little wolf. Do you think he's brave enough to carry on Nana's nickname? That's a big task" His mother looked at me.

    "Of course he's brave enough, he's not afraid of anything. He got hit with a bolt of lightning and he even got shot by pirates!" Cub Connor gestured with his hands.

    "Is that so? Well now he sounds like a very brave wolf. How does that sound to you, Faolán?" Her eyes stared into mind as I stood there before the two of them, Connor's young face smiling up at me with missing fangs.

    Faolán.

    I liked it.