Equestria Apocalyptica
Part 5 - Corruption
A strange, hesitant pall had laid heavy over Equestria for some time. The disasters that had struck the world had seemingly ended, and somehow, their kingdom had been passed by - largely untouched - while the neighboring lands burned. Nopony could quite believe it, and for weeks, they walked with their heads lowered, waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. But even such fear could not last forever, and as the days ticked by, a faint hope began to bubble up from amongst the grief and fear, growing ever-larger.
Two weeks after the last reported disaster, it had reached full size, and the atmosphere in Ponyville - and, indeed, in all of Equestria - had switched from nervous to elated. In Ponyville, the ever-bubbly Pinkie Pie was, of course, helping along the festive mood with great parties and celebrations, chasing away the last phantoms of fear. Expeditions were being sent out from Canterlot Castle to inspect the neighboring lands and ascertain whether it was safe for the refugees who had fled across Equestria's perplexingly safe borders to begin to return home. The mood was high all around... though not in quite the way it had been before the bad times.
During those dark months, as pestilence, war, famine and death seemed to be striking everywhere at once, ponies had been forced to live in the now, not knowing if the next disaster would land on their doorstep. Many had sought comfort in the embrace of their fellow ponies, drowning their fears in the pleasures of the flesh, knowing that waiting would be folly. And now that the fear had drifted away, many of them found it only natural to celebrate in the same way. A certain attitude of ribaldry had spread, helped along by the increasingly mature tone of Pinkie Pie's parties, and the new line-up of the Carousel Boutique.
Rarity had, after all, abandoned her waning dress-making business during the troubled times, and had instead found significant success selling saucy lingerie and 'adult' toys - a business she seemed disinclined to stop. Her own fashion-choices had certainly gained a certain new 'edge', everyone agreed, but while some found it outrageous, others decided that her eye-catching 'rear jewelry' was quite fetching, and insisted that it was in the nature of 'fresh, daring fashion' to be perceived as sordid by the uninitiated. Enough said, her business was doing quite well, and seemed to be doing its part to make the local ponies a bit less... restrained.
Even the young colts and fillies at the local school were sensing that something was different. Most of them had no idea what was going on, and wrote off their parents and older siblings' changing behavior as simple relief at things looking up. But three young fillies suspected more. The Cutie-Mark Crusaders - Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo - had noticed strange changes in the behavior of a number of older ponies just BEFORE the world had stopped being so darned depressing, and it was provoking their curiosity. And so, they gathered in their secret base - AKA their clubhouse - to discuss what they knew.
"So, your big sister really won't tell you anything, huh?" Scootaloo said with an annoyed wrinkling of her nose. "That's totally unfair! We're the ones who told HER that Rarity had started acting odd, and now SHE'S acting odd too, but won't tell US..." Apple Bloom shook her head sadly, the large bow on the back of her mane drooping. "Nope. And it's spreading, too. Big Macintosh seems to be spending a whole lot of time together with her now, and not just when they're in the fields... but neither one of 'em will tell me what's going on. Last time I asked, big sis just mussed up my mane and told me that I'd understand when I was older."
Sweetie Belle snorted. "That stuff again? Why's everypony always telling us to wait? It's like the way they keep saying that we need to 'just wait' for our Cutie Marks'. Like we've got time for that!" She suddenly blinked, then narrowed her eyes. "Heeeeey... wait a minute..." The three young ponies stiffened as they looked around at each other, following the thread of Sweetie Belle's thought to its conclusion. "You really think whatever they're all hiding has something to do with Cutie Marks?" asked Scootaloo, biting her hoof. "I dunno... but it COULD be. The parallels are hard to ignore. I mean, Cutie Marks write your destiny, like MY big sister's dress-shop, right? But ever since she started acting strange, she won't let me help her in the store anymore - or even VISIT it." Sweetie Belle frowned as she talked, remembering how annoyed she'd been when her dear sister, Rarity, had banned her from the store even though she hadn't done ANYTHING wrong... recently.
The three fillies grinned at each other. Certainly, the evidence was mounting. And if Cutie Marks were involved, the Cutie Mark Crusaders couldn't sit idly by. Sticking their heads together, plans began to form. "All right, then - it's agreed. You two need to try and nose in on what your sisters are up to. I'll try to get something out of Rainbow Dash - she's the coolest pony around, so if anyone's gonna be willing to talk, it's her." Scootaloo took charge as always, and the other two nodded in agreement. The weekend began the next day, and if they spent it well, at least ONE of them was bound to find out something useful...
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I can't say I like the ending... Ruining the civilization is a bit too much for me. :-/ You haven't left even slight a hope, like Twilight having to satisfy all her needs, but struggling to preserve all knowledge, no matter what. It's not like her to just give up.
I may sound silly complaining about such a long story, but I can't help feeling that there was enough content for at least one more chapter. The first half of the chapter is nicely paced, but in the latter parts you tell a lot, but show much less. Fluttershy's part in particlular, while long, mainly consists of numerous scene ideas (awesome ideas!) rather than scenes themselves. CMC's storyline is patchy. Well, based on your standards.
Typo: "she didn't us".
Also, some separators like "* * *" would be nice.
And maybe it WAS a tad rushed towards the end, but I was mostly concerned with preventing it from spinning out of control into another 70-page monster like the second chapter. Which is where I'd have wound up if I'd written out each of the ideas for Fluttershy and the critters that I came up with. :p Not sure what you mean by CMC's storyline being 'patchy', though, other than Scootaloo's part being somewhat longer than the other two's, and that was kinda' inevitable.
I fixed the typo... figured one or two might have snuck in. One of my proofreaders won't touch anything with underage characters in it, and the other won't touch anything involving unicorns, so I was stuck trying to check this one myself.
As for separators... WTF happened to the formatting? I HAD double-spaces between sections, but somehow, they're gone now. >_> Site must've done fucked something up. I'll try to fix it... *EDIT* Well, SOMETHING'S utterly fucked up about the publishing-tool. I can throw in line-breaks or extra spaces or WHATEVER, and it'll just remove them again. >_< Gonna have to do a rather inelegant stopgap solution, and maybe hit the forums to find out what's what.
Ponies can't have civilization anymore, Twilight keeps fucking it to death.
I dunno how the seemingly-immortal Alicorns would fit into it, though. Presumably, they eventually go feral from overwhelming desire too, and just repress all memory of it when the corruption clears up, once again setting themselves up as de facto gods. Who knows? Maybe Luna and Celestia have already lived through several cycles of this. Might explain why Luna so easily got 'unhinged' and turned into Nightmare Moon...
Though, another theory posed on my FIMFiction page that I find very clever is that the Changelings are degenerate remnants of the people who got hit by the previous Apocalypse - and Queen Chrysalis is the very princess mentioned in Twilight's book, who sacrificed herself to spare her people, only to be corrupted as a result. She transformed herself and her people, enabling them to feed on love and emotion as a way to keep the mind-consuming corruption at bay... well, I guess that theory only really works with one of the alternative endings I posted on FIMFiction.
Still, if it bugs ya, go check out the 'alternate endings' I put up on FIMFiction - one of them is, well, non-apocalyptic. :p