Blind Date Confessions

Script by

Batboy8189

Cast list:

Jack- a rabbit, he has black fur all over, his attire is a black tuxedo with a white shirt, black pants and so forth.

Jill- a cat, she had white fur all over, her attire is a simple red dress with a strapless bra and red heels.

Waiter- a ferret, he is just the waiter.

Girl- a weasel, she appears later.

Setting: A fancy restaurant, at nighttime.

Jack sat at a table
and fidgeted with a napkin. 

Jill entered the
restaurant, holding her purse.  She saw Jack.  She walked up to him.

He looked up.

Jill: Jack?

Jack: Yeah. Jill?

She smiled.

Jill: Well, it is so
great to meet you.

Jack: {half-smiles} I
was just about to say the same.

She seated herself.

Jack: Well, how are
you?

Jill: I’m fine.

Jill’s inner voice:
{sarcastic} Oh my god, he’s got a ponytail.

Jill: And how are you
doing?

Jack: I am doing just
fine.

Jack’s inner voice:
{obnoxious} And in about an hour from now, I’m doin’ you, Peaches!

The waiter walked by
and wordlessly placed French bread on a bread plate in the center between them
and a smaller plate with garlic butter for the bread.  He took a bow then walked
away.

Jill folded a napkin and placed it in her lap.

Jack cut the bread.

He offered it to her.

Jill: Well, thank you.

She took the bread.

Jill’s inner voice: The
next thing you know, he’s going to ask if I want my bread buttered for me.

Jack’s inner voice: Oh yeah, I’m goin’ to butter that sweet
ass!

She took a small bite of the bread.

He tried some of it and was struck by a horrible taste.  He coughed it up.

She laughed sweetly.

Jill: What’s wrong?

Jake: Mine was kind of old tasting.

Jill: I’m sorry.

The waiter returned with a pen and notepad.  He started taking orders.

Waiter: {professional} Now, what will we be having for
tonight?

Jack: I’ll just have whatever the special is for tonight,
good sir.

Jack’s inner voice: She’ll probably get something girly
like a salad.

Jill’s inner voice: Mmm boy, I could sure go for something
good and dead right now.

Waiter: And for you, Madame?

Jill: {smiles cutely} Oh, just give me whatever he’s
getting.

Waiter scribbled rapidly, but neatly in his notepad,
nodding.

Waiter: Fantastic, two orders of coq au vin coming right
up.

He closed his notepad, took a bow and walked away.

Jill: So then, Jack, Why don’t you tell me a little about
yourself?

Jill’s inner voice: Like what funeral home you stole that
suit from?

Jack: Oh, I’m in writing, stories you know? And how about
you?

Jill: Oh, not much since my old boyfriend dumped me six
months ago.

Jack’s inner voice: Oh great, she carries luggage. What a
night it’s gonna be.

Jack: {pretending to care} Really now? What sort of a
heartless person would do something like that to a sweet girl like you?

Jill: {embarrassed} Well, it’s not entirely his fault; you
see, I sort of fibbed about his “deficiencies” in bed.

Jill’s inner voice: Sort of? The National Enquirer couldn’t
have come up with a better story if they had Tarantino!

Jack: Well, why did you do that?

Jill: {flustered} Well, I guess I was sort of mad after he
told his friends at work about my breasts being and I quote “smaller than
doorknobs”.

Jack: {indignant} Well, that s just not right. I am ashamed
of my gender.

Jack’s inner voice: Besides, they’re more like baby
tangerines.

The waiter returned with a menu featuring a selection of
wines.

He gave the menu to Jack.

Waiter: As you wait for your dinners to arrive, would the
young couple like to sample some of our fine wines?

Jack and Jill’s inner voices: {disappointed in unison} Just
wines? Where’s all the hard shit?

Jack: We’ll have the Chardonnay, please.

Jack’s inner voice: Did I just say Chardonnay?

Jill’s inner voice: Well, I guess that sounds manly.

He picked up the menu.

Waiter: Very well, I will have your wine to you {makes an
ok sign} tout suite.

He took a bow and walked away.

Jill: Wow, Chardonnay, that’s pretty fancy. To be honest,
you didn’t really seem the type.

Jill’s inner voice: You still don’t, but nice try.

He grasped her left hand gently, stared into her eyes.

Jack: Well, I figure any girl as nice as you should deserve
a guy like me treating you to the night of your life.

Jack’s inner voice: Now, that was deep.

Jill: {serious} You’re sure about that? I am a pretty
intelligent girl. I know pretty damn well about guys who will say or do
anything to bed some helpless little filly like me. Next thing I know; I’m
going to be waking up feeling sick and you. You would probably be halfway out
of the fucking city changing your name and appearance so you don’t have to pay
child support. A friend of mine had exactly that happen to her, she’s not
pregnant thank god, but she is HIV positive now. So, you believe me when I say
‘tread lightly or step off.’

Jill’s inner voice: {shocked, looks to audience} Umm, what
she said.

Jack: {offended} Well, I am shocked and appalled that you
would even think that of me.

Jack’s inner voice: Damn, she’s seen through my ploy.

Jack: It’s the last thing in my mind to even think of. I would
never take advantage. The truth is I’ve had relationship problems.

Jill’s inner voice: Oh, she didn’t put out enough?

Jill: What happened?

Jack: Well, it all started pretty normal, she was real pretty
and had a great personality…when she was sober.

Jill: {interested}Mmm, so she was a mean drunk then?

Jack: Oh no, Ike Turner was a mean drunk. With this girl,
it was like she had an alter ego or something. I mean who just “accidentally”
stabs the neighbor’s cat? With a potato peeler? And then steals the neighbor’s
vacuum? In the nude? Then finally, one day she got me with a butcher knife and
you know getting stabbed is more than a good enough reason to stop seeing
someone.

Jill:
So, I take it you don’t like getting a girl too drunk.

The waiter returned holding wine glasses in one hand and
pushed a cart with a bottle of chardonnay in a bucket of ice.  First, he placed the glasses on the table before them.  Then, he inserted a corkscrew and with one good tug removed
the cork.  Lastly, he poured the wine.

Waiter: Your coq au vin is almost ready. I will return
shortly.

He bowed and walked away.

J

ack and Jill raised their glasses.

Jack: A toast to…

Jill: Friendship.

Jack smiled with a raised eyebrow.

Jake: Friendship.

Jack’s inner voice: Friends with benefits.

{clink!}

They each took a sip.

Jill accidentally tipped her glass too far.

Wine spilled on the front of her dress.

Jill: Oh shit!

As she wiped her dress with a napkin, Jack’s attention was
diverted to her chest region.

She caught him watching.  She threw the napkin on the floor.

Jill: {livid} You enjoying the show there?

Jack: Whuh?

Jill: You know what? If all you were going to do was stare
at me, I should’ve just come naked, saved you the trouble of undressing me with
your eyes!

She turned to leave.

Jack stopped her.

Jack: Whoa, hey! Where did all of this come from?

Jill: {sighs} I’m sorry just still a little hung up I
guess. On my friend.

Jack understood.

Jake: With the HIV?

Jill nodded while she wiped tears from her eyes.

Jill: {about to cry} It’s just so unfair. {She turns to
Jack} I grew up with that girl, went to school with her, shared dreams with her
and now she’s on borrowed time. It fucking sucks. We’re almost like sisters.

She picked up her purse which she had dropped on the floor
earlier.

Jill: Tonight was just a bad night; I let my feelings fuck
up your night.

Jack took her by the hand.

Jack: You can’t be so hard on yourself. You care for your
friend, I admire that. I know some the guys I consider friends would’ve just
said “walk it off, wuss.” That’s not me. Not by a long shot.

He sat her down.

Jack: I wish I could I know what that feels like, to be
scared for someone, but I don’t. But, I do hope that wherever that bastard is
that stole her life from her, one day falls zipper first into an ant hill.

Jill: {laughs}

Jack kissed her lightly on the cheek.

Jill: I would like to see you again some time.

Jack: Really?

Jill’s inner voice: Yeah, sure, why not?

They embraced tightly.

Jack’s inner voice: Score one, big guy.

{black out}

{lights in}

Sometime later, Jack was at the restaurant, seated at the
same table, same time.

A girl walked in. She was not Jill. She saw him and walked
up to him.

Girl: Excuse me, sir.

Jack looked up.

Jack: Yes?

Girl: Is your name Jack?

Jack: {confused} Yes?

The girl sighed and took a seat.

Girl: I’m Jill.

Jack: {blinks} What?

Girl: My name is Jill. You were here, last week, with a
girl who told you she was me.

Jack: {still confused} You’re Jill? Then who was I with?

He remembered Jill’s story.

Jack: You’re the friend she told me about, with the…

Girl: No. She was the friend and a dear friend. She left
this for you.

She gave him a letter.

He read it.

Jill’s inner voice: {weak} Dear Jack, If you are reading
this letter then it most likely means I will not be keeping our scheduled date
or any other for that matter. I’m sorry if you feel betrayed right now, that I
had to deceive you the way I did. I did enjoy our time together very much. I’m
sure Jill will have told you about me but I wanted to tell you myself. My real
name is Delilah. Right after my last boyfriend dumped me, I was out drinking
with Jill and some other friends, there is where a drunken, unprotected, one
night stand ended my life for me. It’s funny. You go through life thinking it’s
never going to happen to you, and then a doctor says you only have six months
left to live. When Jill met you in the chat rooms, I was suspicious and worried
for her. On the night of your first date, I “borrowed” her car so I could meet
you first hand and make sure you had good intentions at heart. You proved
yourself. I can be at peace knowing I was able to help my dearest friend find a
good man to keep her company when I’m gone, my only last request… is you take
good care of her or I’m coming back to haunt you. Goodbye Jack and thank you so
much for giving me one last night of happiness. Yours truly, Delilah.

Jack folded the letter as he finished. His eyes remained on
the floor briefly. He looked up.

Jack: Jill?

Girl: Yes?

Jack: I did come here to have dinner with someone, would
you do me the honor?

The girl contemplated for a second.

Girl: I’d be glad to.

{blackout}

The End