A First For Everything
Ch 6: Intimacy
copyright 2016, comidacomida

I think we all have moments in our past that we wish we could have changed.  Sometimes they're big events and sometimes they're small little things.  I remember in the third grade I called across the school yard to someone I thought was my friend and when they finally turned around I realized it wasn't who I thought it was.  In sixth grade during one lunch period I tripped over a trash can and ended up on the ground with tons of cafeteria garbage all over me.  In my senior year I told one of my classmates something he didn't want to hear and got beat up for it.  Yea... regrets are great.

Dane-of-the-West was never really my friend and we never really hung out at all-- we never even really much more than noticed one another.  He liked smoking pot and I didn't; I paid attention in class and he didn't; he liked my nickname 'Kuma' and I didn't.  Really the only thing we had in common was that we'd both dated a really pretty Human with green eyes and blonde hair named Nicole and there was still a disconnect between us in that she left me for him.

I hadn't realized until after she broke up with me that she-- well, Rita told me never to speak poorly about anyone so I guess the best way to put it was that Nicole's only real interest in me was the fact that she thought I had money.  She had a history of dating Dogs because her parents hated it and I was her third conquest.  As with her previous two boyfriends she told me I should tell everyone at school that we 'did it' even though we actually didn't.  Only after the three of us sat down and talked about it did we realize just how much she'd played us.  We all realized that Dane was only getting set up to be number four on the list.

Dios and Pierce were good enough to leave it at that but I wasn't ready to let it slide.  Some small part of me wanted to make sure Dane knew what he was getting himself into but a slightly larger small part just wanted to make sure that Nicole didn't get away with her games anymore.  She'd played me for a fool and even with a long life of being foolish I didn't like the idea of being taken advantage of.  I'd made up my mind that I was going to interfere and so, toward the end of the school year I stalked my way down the hall to find Dane and explain things.   Big mistake.

Despite being a lethargic pot-head with a casual disregard for everyone and everything the one thing Dane didn't take kindly to was being seen as a 'big dumb dog'; apparently when I explained what Nicole was doing to him he figured that I was just being a jealous ex boyfriend and that resulted in me on the ground with blood coming out of my nose.  Yea, he was a pretty laid back guy, but he could sure throw a punch.  He strolled off down the hall with  just a few parting words.  "She likes me and not you, Kuma.  Get over yourself, dick-bone."

And that was it.  Summer vacation arrived and I spent weeks at home brooding.  Looking back on it I guess it was pretty stupid since Nicole really shouldn't have meant anything to me anyway, but when you're a teenager any drama in life is earth-shaking.  Finally, after about three weeks Rita had enough.  "Out.  Now!"

The agony of loss was replaced that day with the one emotion that teenage Dogs held far stronger than self-pity: indignation.  Rita didn't know what I was going through and there was no way she could have understood the pain of loss that had shattered my fragile world.  Once the frustration chased away the biggest part of my heartbreak I pulled out my cell; there was ONE person who would be able to appreciate my predicament and I planned on calling him before it got too late in the day for JD, who was on East Coast Standard Time.

Waiting impatiently for JD to answer his phone I ran through the best way to start my conversation.  Considering the speed at which everything had happened between Nicole dumping me, the school year ending, my fragile little teenage world falling apart, and Rita forcing me to get over it I hadn't really found the time to call and chat with him.  In the end I didn't have to start things off because he did it just fine.  "Yo, Sully-- bout time you pick up the phone."

I wasn't really looking for his gruff attitude so I fired back with some of my own.  "Yea... Rita told me she didn't want me hanging around so she sent me outside."

He didn't get the picture and continued being no help.  "Yea?  Lucky you.  When I was younger she'd kick me outta the house and I didn't have a cell to keep me busy."

At that point I couldn't not say anything any longer.  "Nicole broke up with me."

There was silence from the other end for an extended stretch of time.  I was just starting to wonder if he'd respond like a reasonable Dog or if he'd throw out one of his brotherly quips; it ended up being a combination.  "Oh man, Sully-- that sucks.  It wasn't because of your curly tail, was it?"

Rather than bark out some insult (which he TOTALLY deserved) I instead spoke the words I'd hated to put a voice to.  "I think she was probably only interested in my trust fund."

JD, as usual was able to relate best with humor rather than sympathy.  "Yea, I know what she musta been thinking... that's the only reason I hang out with you too."

It wasn't the kind of support I was looking for and I grumbled as I hung up on him.  At the time I remember telling him off; what other kind of response should I have expected from JD?  Didn't I know him better than thinking he'd be able to provide any kind of emotional support?  I was angry at the phone for ringing and even angrier when I saw it was him calling.  I answered and growled into the receiver.  "What?"

JD was in rare form and the two words he spoke to me then were unique because I'd never heard them before that moment and I've yet to hear them since.  "I'm sorry."

They were not-him to a degree that the two-word sentence was enough to break me out of my hackles-up growling.  I sat down on the front porch of the house and did my best not to cry.  You know, the only thing worse for an emotional teenager than not being understood is a moment of out-of-character empathy from someone who really gets it... and at that moment it felt like JD really did.  Sure, most of the time he was incorrigible and nigh unbearable but then there were little snippets of proof that he really WAS a good person.

Over the next twenty minutes he displayed more such moments as he listened without snide remarks and commented without being a jerk.  He had lots to say about a lot of things in his usual older-brother fashion but some of it was actually pretty good advice.  He told me that any woman who'd be after me because she wanted my money or wanted to piss off her parents wasn't really that much of a loss.  People like that usually ended up being unhappy because they were setting themselves up to take a fall when all the 'bad things' caught up with him.

I really didn't track all he was saying but I know he was trying to make me feel better; that alone went a long way toward helping.  Still, a lot of his comments about what could be summed up as 'put out negative and you get negative in return' was a little to metaphysical for me.  Then again, I was able to see the wisdom in it once my senior school year started up and the outcome of the Nicole/Dane summer fling was felt throughout the student body.  Jail wasn't something I'd wish on Dane anymore than rape being something I'd wish on Nicole, but I also knew that neither of the events really had anything to do with me.  Still, I had a hard time not feeling bad.

The school year progressed slowly and every time I'd thought people'd finally moved past the whole Dane/Nicole thing something'd cause a flare up and it'd always drag me right back in.  At first the whole deal was with tons of people saying that Nicole deserved it because she'd been asking for something like that to happen.  Dios had jumped on that bandwagon and everyone who was talking about how it's what she should have expected got labeled as misogynistic chauvinists-- apparently I somehow got lumped into the group at school because I'd dated her before she went out with Dane.

By the time that calmed down there was a major backlash because certain groups of students thought that the sentence Dane got was too light (he was released from lock up after a few months).  Never mind that he had to register as a sex offender and was on probation and had a whole mess of guidelines for his parole-- that ended up causing a lot more chaos for me too because people started asking of I thought that it was fair.  To be honest I really just didn't want to have anything to do with it... especially because no answer I gave would have been the 'right' one.  It basically made me wish for the first three years of high school when I went by unnoticed.

By the time graduation was in sight I realized that I wasn't going to escape the issue by just keeping my ears down and my muzzle covered and that meant I was either going to have to live with it or escape.  With one more month to go until graduation I realized four weeks would be just long enough to get all my affairs in order; there was too good a chance that students from my high school were going to end up at any of the colleges I attended anywhere in California so that meant I was going to have to figure out a different way to get the education that my dad's estate was adamant about me receiving... which meant a visit to the executor, Ron.

Although my dad and Ron had gone way back I'd only had about 10 years to get to know him.  Granted, he'd basically been in charge of my finances since my dad died but you can't really have anything close to a meaningful relationship with someone when you're that young, so my earliest quality memory of him was my 8th birthday when Rita took me to his office in person.  It was horrible and embarrassing having them meet face to face for the first time but when she was finally done being-- well... like she WAS before becoming a little more respectable-- he had her take a seat out in his office's waiting room and sat down with me for a long talk.  It felt like a long talk at least; anything more than 10 seconds is long to an eight year old.

He'd never really said more than three words to me before that but on my eighth birthday he spelled it out to me.  "Sullivan, your father gave me control over his estate because he knew that I'd be willing to make all the hard decisions when it came to your welfare.  I promised him that, no matter what I'd make sure things went as well for you as possible and that I wouldn't let ANYONE come between you and a real chance in this world.  That means you might see me as a bad guy sometimes and if that's the case, I'm sorry... but the decisions I have to make are too important to be influenced by anyone-- even your mother."

I didn't realize it at that time but even though it felt like I was being given a 'talking-to', that was just Ron's way of saying that he was there to look out for me.  To be honest there was rarely ever a time when he came across as a bad guy; not only did he explain the reasons behind what he did but he ended up being perfectly reasonable whenever I spoke with him about something that was, in and of itself, likewise reasonable.  I remember heading to his office on a school in-service day a few weeks before classes went out with a backpack full of arguments for why the estate should cover my schooling outside of California.

His secretary, Rita (yes, I realize the irony since that's my mom's common name-- but his secretary is a Human, thanks) smiled when she saw me walk out of the elevator.  "Good morning, Mr. Sullivan.  Here to see Ron?"

Rita had been working for Ron ever since I could remember and more-often-than-not we ended up speaking with her when we came to visit.  This time I wouldn't be able to stop at the 'gatekeeper'; my goal was Ron himself.  "Yea-- I mean yes, Rita.  My classes are over soon and I wanted to go over college plans."

She pressed a button on her phone.  "Mr. McMillan, Sullivan Akita is here to speak with you."

Since my Green Name was essentially a first name and because he had at least one other 'Sullivan' as a client Ron had taken to referring me by my dad's breed; the introduction wasn't that much of a surprise.  What WAS surprising was his response, spoken straight from the speaker phone.  "Thank you, Rita.  Please send him in."

Her smile was still just as warm.  "Mr. McMillan's ready for you."

To be honest, I wasn't sure that I was ready for him.  Nodding, and speaking my thanks to Rita I went straight to the double doors past her desk and pulled the lever before pushing the right one open.  Ron's office hadn't changed in the many years I'd visited and that visit was no exception... but, as I approached his desk for the first time unaccompanied by Rita or by Rosey it all felt different, as if I were noticing certain things for the first time... like a leather collar seated on a hardwood stand next to a potted plant behind his desk.

His greeting forestalled my expanded inspection of the room.  "Good morning, Sullivan.  Rita's not with you today?"

I shook my head, despite the fact that he was standing at a water cooler with his back to me.  He finally turned around, approaching his desk with two mugs of water and I elaborated.  "No, Sir.  She's at work today."

He nodded thoughtfully and handed me one mug before moving around to the other side of the desk to take a seat.  "I see.  How's work going for her at the home?"

Although Ron always tried to keep up to speed about my family life some of his information was still dated.  I corrected that.  "Rita left the nursing home a few months ago when she got a job at the hospital.  She's working in the Supplemental Staffing Pool for the physical therapy department now.  She likes it a lot."

Ron looked at me with the kind of expression I'd learned was the 'I'm saving that information for later use' variety.  "Ah... well that's good.  Tell her I said congratulations."

"I will.  She's really happy about it too."

We bantered back and forth for a few minutes until he finally managed to bring our conversation around to the purpose of my visit.  "So... you're here to discuss college?  Excellent."

If he'd realized just how in depth a presentation I'd prepared for how and why going to a university out of state was the best option for me he might not have said 'excellent', but if I'd realized just how easy-going and supportive he'd be about the idea I probably wouldn't've prepared quite so much.  I was about five minutes into discussing the benefit of 'spreading my wings' when all of my hard work came crashing down around me with a simple question he used to interrupt.  "What does your mom think about you moving out?"

Despite the fact that Ron was a pretty thin Human and barely five and a half foot he still somehow managed to be imposing any time he asked a question.  It was the start of a discussion I HADN'T prepared for.  "I... uh... I haven't told-- I mean, I was going to wait to tell her."

He emptied a packet of one of those anti-cold powder things into his up-until-then-ignored water.  "Have you thought about which college you'd like to attend?  Total cost for classes, fees, and living expenses?"

Three more rapid-fire questions I really hadn't even considered; I was so caught up with my interest in getting the heck out of town that I didn't think very far beyond that.  "Well... I guess cost depends a lot on the college, so that's a little up-in-the-air, and--"

He took a sip from his mug and set it back down all while I was talking, leaving his mouth perfectly free for his next question.  "How about your major?"

My eyes went back to the collection of papers I'd brought with and I started shuffling through them.  "Well, I--"

Ron reached out across the desk and planted his hand, fingers splayed onto my notes, pinning them.  His expression was as unreadable as ever but his tone lost its professional edge and a hint of sympathy lingered on his words. "Does this have something to do with that girl from school?"

It totally did.  "What?  Girl?  Nooo..."

He removed his hand and sat back in his seat.  "JD called me about a month ago and we had a long talk.  Apparently you've had some 'life lessons' recently."

All I could think about at that moment was that JD wasn't very good at minding his own business.  I crossed my arms over my chest.  "Yea?  Well he likes making something out of nothing."

Ron reached down to open one of the drawers to his desk and pulled something out; it was a folder.  The tan file folder landed on the desk right next to my notes and he reached over to rotate it for my inspection before opening it.  "It's 'nothing'?"

I watched as he turned page after page; he had collected newspaper clippings, page prints off of the internet, and even what looked like a photocopied police report.  Although I had a pretty good idea what it was all about he had my attention and I watched page after page after page of information about Nicole and Dane's 'story' play out in front of me in print form.  I'd gone to Ron to find an escape from it but apparently I wasn't any safer in his presence.  For the first time I responded to an inquiry about the event.  "I didn't have anything to do with that."

He closed the folder and pulled it away from me.  "Would you like to talk about it?"

Surprisingly, I did.  Ron sat with me for over an hour; most of that time I was speaking with small interruptions from him in the form of a question or asking for clarification.  It was strange opening up about my feelings regarding the events: anger over Nicole using me, shame for not having realized it sooner, discomfort about the break-up, and, when I finally sat down to admit it, guilt that something had happened to two teens I knew-- happened BETWEEN two teens I knew.  By the time I had said everything I was going to say on the matter I only had one question.  "So you don't think I should bother going somewhere else for college?"

Ron sat back in his chair, one hand rubbing his chin, the other idly toying with the tie tack on his sternum.  It felt like forever but it was probably only a few seconds before he spoke.  "I think you need to do what's best for you, but at the same time I have to think about the total expense of living somewhere else when Rita already agreed to house you until you were done with school."

I felt my heart fall a little and my eyes glanced back to my notes, lingering on one of my important arguments.  "The... uh... importance of being able to--"

He held up a hand and it did surprisingly well at silencing me; Ron's ALWAYS been good at that.  He spoke again when I stopped.  "Relocation costs aren't out of the question and the research I received on New York area colleges were compiled to my specifications..."

I was confused. "Compiled?  New York?  What research?"

Ron pulled out another file folder from his drawer and set it down facing me.  "Your brother thought you might need an escape.  JD said he and his husband would be happy to provide you a room with them while you attend classes.  He sent me a list of accredited colleges nearby along with cost-per-credit, campus fees, and independent assessment scores."

A few hundred thoughts bounced around in my mind thanks to Ron's declaration: JD HAD been thinking about me; even if JD was an ass he DID take the time to help; I had people really looking out for me.  The question that lingered over all of them was the one word that managed to wriggle its way through my stunned muzzle.  Yes, it seemed completely out of character for JD to go through so much trouble, but it was what he'd said about Jason. "Husband?"

The Human in front of me nodded, collecting all of my notes up before adding them to the folder.  "Jason.  JD said you know he lives with his Leasher."

I was still grabbing hold of the word Ron had used like a puppy gnawing on a teething ball. "You said Husband."

Ron nodded.  "Well, New York followed Massachusetts last year as becoming the second state to allow Humans and Dogs to marry.  Since Same-Sex Marriage is legal in both states that includes same-sex Human/Dog couples.  If I'm not mistaken California and Vermont are setting up similar ballots for next year."

I really didn't know what to say at that point so I kept it eloquent.  "Oh."

He laughed, standing up as he offered me a hand.  "I already went over expenses with JD and I have a purchase order ready with DTB Air for a set of tickets."

I accepted his hand and gave it a firm shake.  "So that's a 'yes' to college out of state?"

Ron pulled me in for a tight hug and he laughed-- though there was a faint cough in there that almost sounded like someone choking back a tear.  "Yes, Sullivan... JD and I worked out the logistics and he'll help you get a local bank account set up back there then get me the routing and transit number so I can establish a direct deposit of a monthly stipend."

His immediate return to his professional jargon was a stark contrast to the embrace, which lasted no more than three or four of the words.  I was stuck somewhere between dumb and relieved but I still managed to thank him.  "Thank you, Ron."

"You're VERY welcome, Sullivan."

We exchanged another handshake and when he returned to his desk I headed for the door.  The wall next to the door had a variety of framed certifications and certificates Ron got during his education.  I remember that he and my dad had been friends during college and I still have my dad's framed Master's in Business that was the twin to Ron's.  It wasn't the paperwork that caught my attention that day though, it was the reflection in the glass cover that made me pause.

Ron was seated in his chair again and it was swiveled almost all the way around.  Although I wasn't completely sure I thought it looked like he had the collar off of the stand and was holding it in his hand gazing off at the wall.  There was something to it, that much I knew, but I wasn't about to press the issue and so I continued wondering... and still do to this day. 

I've gone over all the different angles in my mind and the addition makes sense: Ron seemed to know an awful lot about Human and Dog laws, Burb Dogs, Leashers, and he had a leather collar that he cared for deeply.  But, you know what?  I learned a long time ago that pigeonholing people into groups doesn't really get you anywhere so I guess I'll just keep wondering.

Anyway, the last two weeks of class went by a lot faster with an end in sight.  I think my tail was wagging a lot more during those final days and it seemed to have an affect on the others around me; people stopped giving me grief and kept their thoughts to themselves.  The day before I graduated a package came in the mail for me from JD and Jason with a "Congratulations!" card attached.  It was a small package but more than large enough to include a 'spending money' check and, more importantly, my own key to their apartment!

The graduation ceremony was pretty cool but I didn't stick around for the party; the tickets I had Ron get meant I was leaving the following day so I had plenty to do to get ready.  I said some hasty farewells to some of my classmates and beat it back to Rita's house.  We had our own little graduation celebration combined with a goodbye party; Rita AND Rosey cried, which meant that I was having some leaky-eye moments too.  I managed to keep it together for the most part but I was so wound up I didn't end up sleeping... which made for a very short plane ride the following day since I spent almost all of it zonked-out.

It was mid-afternoon on a Friday when I arrived in New York.  Ron had taken care of all of the shipping  involving anything I couldn't take on the plane to the apartment but that wasn't going to arrive until the following week so that meant what I was carrying would tide me over for the weekend.  None of that was really on my mind as I picked up my luggage; I was in New York and I'd be living with my brother!  An entirely new chapter of my life was all set to begin.

That plane ride wasn't the first time I'd flown alone but the following taxi ride was the first time I'd been on the streets of New York without my brother or Jason.  Since it was Friday they were both in the studio and neither had the time to take off to come get me but I still remembered the address and, besides, I HAD MY OWN KEY!  Jason had said on the phone that it probably wouldn't be needed since they'd most likely be home to let me in but the fact that I HAD MY OWN KEY was still fresh in my mind and I was riding high on a power trip.

The spending cash they'd sent turned out to work wonders for me since I grabbed food during my layover and again before getting into the cab.  I had more than enough cash to pay the cabbie and tip him.  Even after almost two years in New York I'm not really sure how much is enough but I've never had anyone complain... to be honest I probably tip too much, but I'd rather be over-generous than have them curse my name after I get out.  But that's beside the point--

When I arrived at the apartment building Maury was right there to open the door to the cab and help me with my things.  He even remembered my name.  "Evenin', Mr. Sullivan.  Lemme get a trolley for your things and I'll buzz your brother."

I grinned, holding up my key ring.  "Thanks, Maury, but I HAVE MY OWN KEY!"

He laughed politely at my antics, or maybe it was genuine humor; Mauray really is a happy-all-the-time kind of guy, and helped me into the building after getting a cart for my three bags.  He walked me to the elevator and welcomed me back.  For anyone who says that everyone in New York is a jerk, well, I hold up Maury as proof that 'everyone' doesn't REALLY include EVERYONE.

I walked down the still-familiar hall to the apartment and let out a deep breath; I had left home that morning and I had arrived at home that evening... and it was GOOD to be home.  Well, until I unlocked the door and walked right in on JD and Jason doing what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home when they aren't expecting their roommate until 9.

Jason and I both had a talk with JD that evening about the difference between a 9 and a 6 and he objected that he suffered from sexlexia-- a condition where numbers flip upside down whenever it conveniently leads to an opportunity to 'stick it in'.  It wasn't the first embarrassing moment I've had while living with JD and god only knows it was FAR from the last.  Still, as far as things go he's not a half bad half-brother... just don't tell him I said that or it'll go to his head.