Broken Pieces

Chapter Five

By Roofles

“PB…”

The one that had started it all. Standing at Alan’s door, surrounded by the very wolves that had a hand pulling the two apart. Alan could barely catch his breath, let alone find the words to say. His mouth opened, and the only thing that spilled out was…

“What are you doing here?” Alan’s voice caught in his throat as he wanted to reach out for the wolf. To say something more, something meaningful. But seeing him now, here of all places, only left him feeling numb.

Why was he here?

Why was PB here now?

How could he show up like this? Everything Alan had tried to build for himself, the foundation to stand on in this pack, began to crumble beneath his feet as he stared at the nutty brown-furred wolf speechlessly. Hoping PB could say something, do something.

And, if only for a fraction of a second, Alan’s heart jumped at the idea of PB embracing him. Hugging him, as he used to. Holding him, as they once did. For their lips to meet and for words to be exchanged late into the night, of promises…. They’d never be able to keep.

But that wasn’t what happened, and Alan could feel that pain as his heartstrings were plucked, once more, by this wolf that had stolen it all away and that Alan had happily given to him.

PB looked just as shocked as Alan felt as if he was unaware that Alan would be here and the human would be at his home. As if PB didn’t know Alan still belonged to Reese. His good eye darted to the two wolves flanking Alan and then back to the human, confusion crossing his face into worry as a whine built up inside his throat.

A sound that couldn’t fully escape. As if he were too broken to be able even to whine anymore. Or, maybe, that PB couldn’t whine for Alan as he once had.

The two just stood there, unsure of what to do, what to say, as they looked at each other. Their mouths were agape as the words didn’t come out. Shame washed over them, a mixture of confusion and self-resentment as they couldn’t say anything more.

That they couldn’t fix this. Whatever this was between the two. They were surrounded by wolves once more. They could only stand there, looking at each other, waiting for the other to do something. Say something! Anything, “please,” Alan's heart cried out as PB just looked at him with pleading eyes.

And not a single sound came out.

As if all the words that had needed to be said already had been. And there were no more left to say, for there were no words to fix what had already been broken.

“Alan…” PB tried to start up, to say. To speak. His hand inched towards him, the other holding the doorknob for dear life. He was shaking. His body was shaking as much as his voice was. The brown-furred wolf looked so old then and there. Before Alan. One foot in the grave as he held onto the door as if it were some safety blanket.

If it had only been the two of them, then Alan might’ve found that strength to help him. To reach out and meet PB halfway.

But they weren’t alone, not anymore. No, it wasn’t just the two of them as it had been back in high school. PB was surrounded by his puppies, who clung and grabbed to his legs for support. And Alan had Reese’s wolves behind him.

All of whom didn’t like this intruder in their midst.

“The hell are you doing here?” Someone from the crowd finally shouted out. The snarls picked back up. PB could only flinch away from the sound as if struck by some invisible force. His legs nearly buckled, and he grabbed onto the door with his other hand.

His eyes were closed, and they couldn’t see anything as the nubs for ears tried to fold back, his head lowering in submission. Hoping if he just gave in, they wouldn’t hurt him again.  

PB crouched against the door. The large brown-furred wolf couldn’t fight anymore, and Alan’s heart went out to him as he curled up on himself, holding the doorknob and praying for it to open.

“You shouldn’t be here.” A female wolf snapped her jaws.

“This isn’t your territory any longer.” Someone tried to explain as if this foreign wolf didn’t understand. Someone like PB, without a tail and ears, wasn’t even a wolf any longer to them.

“That isn’t necessary.” Alan tried to come to PB’s defense, but he found himself brushed aside like before. Like always, these other wolves bullied and harassed the wolf that no longer had the strength to defend himself.

And Alan couldn’t do a thing to save him.

“You were kicked out.” They stomped their feet against the ground, making it rumble and shake.

“Can’t come back.” Hackles raised, drool-covered fangs bared.

“Go back!” A mixture of male and female voices blended as they growled, tails sticking up aggressively. “Go back to where you came from, runt!”

“Reject!”

“Mistake!”

And PB didn’t even have a tail any longer to tuck between his legs. The wolf could barely be called one in the eyes of his peers, and Alan couldn’t take it any longer. The human turned on them, about to get into a fight he knew he couldn’t win and yet one he had to do.

But seeing their faces now, that familiar pang of fear hit Alan in the chest like a weight. All their hate-filled eyes and teeth showed as they snarled and growled towards Alan, at the wolf he was trying to shield with his body.

These wolves weren’t his people. Alan was just as much a stranger here as PB was. They wouldn’t listen to him, and Alan wasn’t sure if he could take any of them in a fair fight.

As if sensing Alan’s uncertainty on it all, Barreth, watching his Alpha-mate, finally stepped in. Sticking a hand into his coat, Barreth pulled out his gun and pointed it directly above their heads.  

And a gunshot fired.

The crack of the barrel might as well have been a whip snapping as everyone jumped, ears splaying out or folding back; some even tucked their tails and backed away as Barreth held up the Colt .45 above their hands from behind Salt and Pepper. Even in the middle of it all, it seemed like Barreth’s presence had been forgotten. The shot made several of PB’s cubs cower in fear, covering their ears as their tails were tucked. It was most likely the first time they’d ever heard a gunshot before and this close, and with their enhanced, sensitive hearing, it could have felt like a physical blow to them.

“Dad.” One of them tried to reach up for him. PB had his eyes closed, unable to see the plea for help on their faces. Before PB could collect himself to help, Alan was there to comfort them the next second.

The human quickly stepped forward, crouching down to soothe their fears.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. He’s friendly.” Alan hushedly said to them as several bundles of fur ran over to him. They shied away from his touch but soon realized he was the only one there who would comfort them. “Barreth is just putting the naughty boys and girls in their place,” Alan said, trying to be PC about it. “Everything is okay now.”

Most of them looked around the age PB had been when his dog-like features were shedding away and his wolf-like ones were emerging. Alan knew PB began to show his wolf-like traits at eleven years of age and surmised that they had to be roughly around that age as well.

“This is Alpha’s business. Not yours.” Barreth warned with a clawed finger, lowering the gun to his side, but he didn’t put it away. “Don’t go stickin’ your nose where it doesn’t belong. It’s likely to get bitten off that way!” And with a snap of his teeth, most of the other wolves dispersed, returning to their lives.

Barreth entire body language conveyed the message to him. He only spoke aloud for his Alpha’s mate, unconsciously doing the same for PB as if not registering him as a fellow wolf that could read his body language.

Some other wolves stayed around, keeping several paces away from them now as they shot threatening glares at PB. None dared to question Barreth’s authority, the right hand of the Alpha. Still, Alan could feel their animosity for PB and could only fathom where such deep hatred came from as he picked up one of the pups and walked over to their father.

PB wasn’t looking at him or anyone, just trying to hide in front of the door. He cracked an eye open at Alan’s approach, flinching once more as Alan reached towards him. Alan unlocked the door, carefully pushing it open and letting all the pups scurry inside like furry tumbleweeds over each other.

They were yipping and laughing as they went, not seeming to understand the dangerous situation they had all been in. Foreign pups were not welcome into other wolf packs, and Alan had been warned, during his time here, that most would likely be ripped apart. It was a primal instinct predator had to make sure only their genetics were spread to the next generation.

Some groups even kidnapped other pups to use them to sire future generations, expanding the gene pool. It was a cruel, brutal practice to ensure no species went extinct.  

Without a word, PB was ushered inside, too, as Salt and Pepper took up the rear, shutting the door behind them.

“Holy…” Alan just wiped his hands through his long sandy brown hair and shook them off. He needed a stiff drink after that. He was tired as it was, but that was plain exhausting. “Well. That just happened. Salt. Pepper. This is Peanut Butter. A… friend of mine. And his pups.”

The brown-furred wolf winced slightly at that, standing in the hallway leading past the kitchen and into the living room. There was a closet across from the kitchen entry, and Alan opened it up, putting their jackets in. Salt and Pepper were handing them over without a fuss.

Though the wolves didn’t need to wear them normally, Alan liked to prepare them for the future they were unfortunately in store for. Wearing outfits would help them blend into society. Not too nice, not too shabby. Something in between. A business casual look would look best for them during any possible job interview.

At least, that was the hopeful goal. So that Salt and Pepper wouldn’t end up in the family business.

“You can put your things in here.” Alan started talking with the pups first, who all stopped and stared at him with bright brown eyes that brought one too many uncomfortable memories back with their hopeful gazes. “I think we have some juice in the fridge if any of you are thirsty.”

Alan stepped past PB, moved into the kitchen, and pulled down treats for them. All but forgetting the wolf that had, in a way, intruded into his life.

“Would it be alright if they had a snack? It’s wolf friendly. Mostly oatmeal and peanut butter.” Alan gave PB a wink, who was at an utter loss for words. “It was my favorite treat….” Alan mused softly under his breath.

He didn’t mean to add the jab at the end like that, even trying to keep his voice down. Every wolf there heard him, and that uncomfortable silence was sinking back in around them. This was just exhausting. Alan was trying to get his life together. Figure out his place in this pack that had moved in on them, how to deal with and help Salt and Pepper out! He was working on his future and the plans for his new life.

Only for it all to start crumbling around him as sinking doubts began to erode the foundation he’d built around him.

PB was here. Alan wasn’t sure what that meant and was afraid to find out. Unsure of the answers he could give the wolf at this point.

He would rather face off with a pack of wolves outside than try to sort all these conflicting emotions out, convey them and his feelings to PB, and sit down and discuss what this meant for the two of them and what it meant for Reese and him. And afraid of what would happen after.

“Cookie?” Alan tried once more, trying to meet the wolf in the middle. Yet, all he felt was that uncertainty, still, even now… afraid to touch him. As if that simple touch would be the last thing needed to break him finally.

“Sure…” PB managed to say, not looking at Alan as he slowly walked into the living room using his white cane to help guide him. Alan tried to keep the walkways clear, but now and then, one of the chew toys the wolves like to snack on when bored would slip past him.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Alan asked, trying to be a good host.

“No. I’m good….” PB still couldn’t bring himself to look at him from the other side of the dividing counter.

“Okay… just the cookie, then. Freshly baked.” Alan tried to start up, only managing small talk at this point. “I’ve been baking a lot lately. These guys are impossible to keep full.” He wanted to laugh, but the smile he forced on his face was painful enough. “How have… you’ve been? Any fun hobbies? How’s-,”

“I didn’t come here to see you!” PB blurted out. The sound was louder than what Alan would’ve expected the wolf to be able to make.

Even Salt and Pepper winced at the sound. The two brothers kept their distance from the conversation but stayed close enough they could hear every word. They hovered around Alan, acting as a barrier to the human from the kitchen entrance.

Several puppies whined, fleeing further into the living room and burying their faces in the cushions.

No one was sure what would happen, and what followed next made them falter even further.

Alan just laughed, which was not what PB, or any of them, had expected. The door opened, and Barreth stepped in, closing and locking it behind him.

“Is everything…” Barreth started up before just looking around the room. Salt and Pepper quickly motioned behind the other two, not to interfere. “Right.” And he rested back against the door, ensuring no one could get in. Or flee.

“Alan…” PB started up once more, trying to apologize? It was hard to say. His voice whined, and he stumbled with his words and movements, unsure of what foot to put in front of the other.

“That’s fine, PB. It’s fine.” Alan just smiled at him. A soft, sad smile. “I know you aren’t here for me.” He tried to shrug it off. “I know you wouldn’t come to see me.” And it hurt to say. “You’re here to see Reese,” like a knife to the heart. “Not me. I know. I know… after all this time, you aren’t here to see me.”

PB looked at him with that pained, conflicted expression on his muzzled face again. As if wanting to say a thousand things and unable to say a single one. It was the same look PB had given Alan after their goodbye, waving there on the front lawn of PB’s house Alan had intruded onto so many years ago.

Standing there waiting for the car to stop, turn around, and come back for him. To bring Alan back to him. So they could figure this out together. To be together once more.

Alan hadn’t come back. And maybe, a part of PB was still waiting for him too. Even now, standing there in the house, PB looked at him with those bright, hopeful eyes. Even with the milky tint to them, Alan could see the same wolf behind them. Somewhere in there, deep down, was still the man he used to love.

And it only made this that much harder.

“Have a cookie, PB. At least.” Alan said, placing it on a plate and sliding it towards the wolf on the other side of the counter. The simple divide between the two was felt, and neither was willing to risk crossing further than that. “You little guys can, too, of course.” Alan continued with a far more friendly smile, handing out the different cookies as if they were treats for Halloween as the pups came rushing over for something to eat.

“…what do you say, pups?” PB said in no more than a whisper, unable to look at Alan any longer.

“Thank you.” They barked at Alan before scurrying off to the living room in far better spirits. Wolf pups could go from a hundred to zero like that, and seeing them, made Alan laugh at their puppy antics. How he had missed seeing that.  

“Boys,” Alan said, and PB had to watch as the human fed Salt and Pepper from the palm of his hand, petting them after. “You two go in there while I go check and see if Reese,”

“Alpha.” Barreth corrected. Everyone ignored him.

“Keep the pups company. Best behavior. I don’t care if they bite or scratch.” Alan just warned as Salt and Pepper groaned, trudging off to play babysitter. “And make sure the show is age-appropriate!” He called after them as the TV was turned on, and a half dozen pups glomped the two teenage wolves. “Reese,” Alan turned to look back at Barreth.

“Alpha.”

“Should be upstairs.” Alan just said, coming around the counter to pull out one of the stools for PB to sit on. He helped him to the chair like the wolf was twice his age. “You can stay here. I’ll be right back.” And without waiting for another word, Alan headed towards the stairs down the side hallway that led up to what was once the attic.

“Alan…” PB whimpered, looking down at the cookie before him, unable to bring himself to eat it.

Barreth followed after Alan, stopping near the entrance to the stairwell, able to block the entrance and watch everyone else in the room as he did so. Salt and Pepper were already struggling with the pups, who latched onto their arms and legs, three to each.

“No.” Barreth only said as another pup came up to him.

It was unclear if they had wanted to play with Barreth, bite him, or try and sneak past. The single word and the wolf’s body language conveyed that he was not the playing type, and the pup quickly tucked his tail and ran back over to his father, who comforted him.

“Could be a little nicer.” PB just growled, glaring at Barreth, who gave him such a cold look; PB felt as if ice water had been splashed in his face.

“I am being nice.” Barreth only warned, flashing a hint of fangs before going back to watching over the room as Alan ascended the stairs behind him.

The attic had been reworked over the past year and was turning into a second floor for the once-doghouse. Reese wanted to expand the office that had taken up the original attic and Togo and Charles's room. The two of them had been moved downstairs where the master bedroom was, which also had been expanded.

It gave everyone some much-needed space in the cramped neighborhood they all lived in. Canines didn’t like to be alone, and the far houses on the block were usually left empty, those living there preferring to stay in one of the closer rooms adjacent to everyone else.

It made getting any kind of privacy hard to come by. It was one reason why Reese had decided to expand on the central house, the original doghouse Alan had first come to. That sentimental fact might’ve also encouraged the wolf to work on their home, though Reese would never admit it.

Going up one flight of stairs, turning to go up the next, Alan was met by far cleaner, nicer room than the one below. The carpet was rich and felt good underneath his feet. The walls rose higher for the wolves' sake, and the windows were tinted, blinds over each. Bulletproof ones had replaced each window; Alan was sure but had never asked. It left the room shrouded in darkness other than a sole lamp on the desk the jet-black furred wolf was sitting at.

With a flick of a switch, several string lightbulbs turned on as Alan walked further into the room, looking around it. The lights had been strung up at Alan’s request, creating an old college dorm look as he checked out the nearby TV and beanbag chairs that had never been gotten rid of. Sometimes Salt and Pepper liked to come up here to game, close to their brother, without interfering with his work.

“Alan.” A voice growled before him. He wasn’t even phased by this time as he carefully walked over to join Reese at his desk. “Did you enjoy the arcade?” The jet-black-furred wolf asked, glancing up only long enough for his deep pools of blue to look Alan over.

Alan almost laughed at that. He knew Reese was aware of everything going on downstairs, most likely informed the very second PB had ended up at their gate. It was the only way PB could’ve gotten this far into Reese’s territory.

And here Reese was, asking about Alan’s day.

Even at times like this, the wolf only seemed to care about his well-being.

“Yes. It was a wonderful day. Your brothers were very well-behaved.” Alan said, walking over to give the wolf a kiss on the cheek and nuzzling the side of his face with his own.

A throaty growl filled Reese’s throat at the intimate canine-like show of affection. Reese had a thick fluff of fur around his neck, and Alan loved to nose into it. It was always warm to the touch, soft and full, and smelled of his wolf as he scratched along Reese’s neck.

Alan was the only person in the world allowed to touch Reese in such a vulnerable spot. The skin there was a little looser, and Alan could dig his fingers into it, through that rich coat of obsidian fur, to scratch at the dark-tinted skin underneath. Alan loved the feel of it and the deep growling sound Reese would make when he did so.

Those standing outside would’ve thought Reese was bothered by the show of affection. The growl came with a hint of teeth and, to everyone else, looked like a warning for them to stop. Alan knew Reese well enough by now to know that this was just how he was.

Reese could’ve been covered in spikes, and Alan would still hug him, knowing who he was inside.

“Good. I threatened them enough then.” Reese grunted as Alan pushed the wolf’s arm out of the way. Reese watched as the human crawled onto his lap and snuggled against his chest. Alan’s face pressed against the wolf’s chest fur, and Reese was more than happy to share his musk with his mate, even unbuttoning the top button of his shirt to give Alan access.

“You did not threaten your brothers.” Alan laughed softly, hitting Reese's chest. A single act that ended with Alan gripping and holding onto the thick pelt of fur the wolf had. The wolf barely felt it as Alan gripped his pectoral muscle tightly.

“I threatened to rip their tails off if they misbehaved,” Reese said so casually, Alan had to laugh at just how blunt that had been.  

“You didn’t!” Alan just continued to laugh, and he heard Reese’s tail thumping the back of his chair as he did.

“Of course. If they had ruined your fun, I would’ve needed to ruin them.” Reese spoke in a soft growl, barely audible to Alan. It had taken the human years to get him to open up this much! Alan wasn’t about to look a gift horse, or in this case, a gift wolf in the face.

“Well, we had a fantastic day. So you can’t do anything to them!” Alan just rested his forehead against Reese’s chest. He was aware that the wolf had undone the rest of the buttons on his shirt, exposing his full chest and muscular torso to him.

Alan could smell the wolf’s potent musk filling the air around them. He had a few suspicions about why Reese was being this friendly with him but didn’t bring it up. Just enjoying this as much as Reese was, feeling the bulge underneath him twitch in response to Alan sniffing at him.

“I’m glad you had a good time. Alan.” Reese continued his work, writing down the information he’d gotten neatly. He’d need to go over it with his leading betas, the lieutenants in charge of keeping the other, lesser, members in check.

“I did. Or… I was, having a good time.” Alan said, trying to be honest. He needed Reese right now. With PB downstairs, the two tried to soak in and enjoy as much alone time as possible. What little they got these days.

Reese grunted at that, one of his ears flicking as he continued to do his work. The wolf kept doing business even with Alan’s hand sliding around his chest. Those fingers sunk into his thick fur, the fingers brushing against the warm skin underneath as Alan just held him, needing that warmth right now.

“Oh, sorry. Am I distracting you?” Alan would tease. The two ignored the issue at hand.

Reese would grunt.

“Should I stop then?” Alan pulled back only a fraction of an inch to look at the wolf.

“…I didn’t say that.” Reese would be forced to reply with, or Alan would stop.

The two had these rare moments together, and they’d make the best of it, even if it meant Reese had to work.

Now, though, there was none of that. The two just sat there together as they dwelled in it. They wanted to pretend and ignore the reality sitting downstairs.

“It’s happening again,” Alan whispered against the fluff of the wolf’s neck. Reese didn’t even grunt as his pen stopped writing, just holding it there as they both came to the same conclusion. “Just like last year. And the year before that.”

Reese didn’t know what to say to make Alan feel better, so he chose not to say anything. That way, he could, at least, not make it worse.

“I just.” Alan held him tightly. “When do we get a break…? From everything. When can we just have a vacation without something showing up.”

“That’s what I’m working on.” Reese finally admitted, at least telling him about his goal in all this. Alan knew so little about what happened behind the scenes. He was left mostly alone with Salt and Pepper, Barreth following behind.

Each day came and went, and Alan would be lucky if he bumped into Reese along the way. Alan still worked at Inc. Co., and he hated every day there. At least when Reese worked there, the two could have lunch together. Alan was even missing Ralph popping into his cubicle.

Now it was hard to catch even these brief moments together.

Reese would still pay him a visit when he had certain needs taken care of. They would try and make it last as they once did. Trying to drag out each session. But they never had the luxury to enjoy themselves. He was taking care of their primal needs before Reese would suit back up, without even washing, and get back to work.

He never apologized, and Alan left, lying there spent, covered in wolf spunk and sweat, never held it against Reese as he tried to catch his breath. He’d be lying if he didn’t wish the wolf could stay with him after. He missed cuddling with the big lug like they were trying to do now.

And even now, Reese was still working.

“If I can get things running again, I’ll have more time to spend with you….” Reese took a moment, chewing on his words before continuing. “A lot is going on right now, Alan.”

“I know.” Alan did, but it didn’t make it any easier. He wasn’t about to be bratty about it or get on Reese. He still knew he needed to at least share how he was feeling. “You always do the right thing for us, Reese.”

“Even this.” Reese wrapped an arm around him, hugging Alan tightly. “I need to take care of just a… few more things. Then we can have a secure home for us. The pack. For my… brothers.” Reese struggled with the word as if unfamiliar with it. That it was somehow foreign, alien to him. “For everyone. That matters.”

“I know. I know!” Alan groaned loudly, finally getting up. He kissed Reese before turning away, throwing his hands up. “I know! I just want a day, a week! Without something coming up. Is that really too hard to ask, huh?”

Reese grunted in reply. Alan saw the flash of a smile, pulling up the corner of the wolf’s bumpy black lips.

“That would be something.” Reese agreed in that soft, growling voice. “Barreth.” Reese just said louder this time. He didn’t even bother using the intercom on his desk. “Send my next appointment up. Alan,” Reese looked up at the human.

In a slow, fluid motion, Reese stood to his feet. He set the pen down on the desk, tracing his nails over the wooden finish of it. He walked around it, with slow leisured steps, never taking his eyes off the human.

“Once I finish this. Secure out… safety. I promise things will be better.” Reese said to him.

“I know.” Alan just gave him a smile before heading toward the exit.

Reese watched him go, feeling that building frustration in his chest as the human walked down the steps. Alan looked back at him once, waving at the wolf before going into the living room to keep Salt and Pepper and the puppies company while Reese took care of what was happening to them.

Again.

Always again. Time and time again, they couldn’t have a moment's worth of peace, and Reese’s nails scratched over the desk, digging into the side as he held it tightly. The muscles on his arm flexed as he threatened to flip the desk over and howl in anger.

But he kept it in. He kept it bottled up as he rubbed over the claw marks he had left behind.

Things were getting better. Reese would make sure of that. He would pluck all these loose ends and stomp out any fires threatening to consume the life he had made for himself. Reese would take care of any problem that came up, so he would never lose that smile again.

There was a thud against the step, the cane hitting each step before a lumbering wolf carefully made his way up the steps, holding the side railing for support the entire time. Reese kept his back to him, buttoning up his shirt while PB reached the top of it.

PB had been thoroughly and roughly searched before he was allowed inside the gate. Every one of his pups had been as well. The entire car he had driven here in had been searched over. Even before he turned around to look at his estranged pack brother, every single strand of fur found had been reported to Reese.

“Peanut Butter. What do I owe the pleasure of you gracing me with your presence today?” Reese asked as the corner of his lip lifted, showing his fangs.

Reese would take care of any threat that came to his pack and dared to try and take that smile away from him.

“What are you doing here?”

No matter who it was…