Plaything vF (No Vox) 12-03-2013

This one has been in the works since maybe... April 2010, I want to say?

It's one of my favorites, and though the synthesizer parts were a late-addition, but a welcome one. I worked those out myself (along with all the other instruments).

The drums are virtual, which is unfortunate, but I don't know many drummers who could pull that off satisfyingly, let alone record them for me outside of class.

I love the bridge section. The bell-like synths combed with the somehow seamless initial tempo drop (and time change) really bring out this twisted, dreamy quality to it. The chord progression underneath everything and which the section is built on was inspired by "Stop!" by Jane's Addiction. I know, it sounds nothing like it, right? Still, the bridge section in that song gave me the idea for this one. I used the B dominant 7th chord I knew from a Stone Temple Pilots song (at that point, I was still only really familiar with chords that I had used elsewhere, unlike now, where I basically four-part-write on a guitar), and a weird G7/B chord that I just sort of ended up with.

It shifts back into 9/8 somewhere in the middle and morphs into a... god, what's a word to use... a stagger, but like a really weird, numb, stagger... like if your leg falls asleep and you don't realize it? That first step you take on that leg, when it just drops out from under you. That's how I imagine the end of the bridge section. The riff repeats three times (a weird number of repeats, I know, but that adds to the dreamy quality of the passage), and then shifts up a step (can't remember the term for it... the word sounds like something you'd find on a church and starts with an A), before seguing back into the main riff.

The synth solo is actually doubled by a guitar which you can hear much better as everything fades out (being really clever, I have everything fading out at different rates and in different orders, so one of the last things you hear is the doubled guitar playing that lead). The lead itself is very easy to play on a synth, but much more difficult on a guitar. It's three descending chromatic notes, but the forth note shifts down chromatically with every time the riff repeats, which makes for jump down strings and positions with the first finger, which has to be on the tenth fret on the high e to hit the last note of the three, but then jump down to the g string and down a fret for the very last note in the sequence before it all repeats.

It gets sort of sloppy since I'm not the most technically-aspirated guitarist in the world, but I liked the way I slurred and slopped it up as it fades, so I left it in the latest as a sort of "the song is breaking down" motif, sort of like what happens at the end of "And All Things Will End," by Avenged Sevenfold.


The lyrics (which I've never managed to implement. I've given it several runs but I'm never satisfied with them) are... well, I guess... hold on, I posted something elsewhere. I will probably update this with my current thoughts on it later, but at the time I first penned the lyrics, this was what they meant to me:

I kind of interpret this in two ways.


1.) I do need rules and I do need responsibilities because if I don't have some external motivation (as in, if I don't have another person or a paycheck depending on me), I would never do anything. I need to have some authority to rile me up, I guess, is the point. It's like, I need something to fight because... I don't know, I guess I seek that conflict because it gives me some kind of purpose for something, to be fighting something like that.


2.) I've never really thought of myself as a masochist. In fact, I really don't think I could ever be an actual masochist. Pain is a huge turn-off. That "dirty talking" shit is a huge turn-off, too. I also don't care for leather and latex bothers me... but like I said before (and perhaps I can only relate these interpretations through my sexuality because it's so atypical... er... well, because I'm not interesting in a romantic relationship or comfortable with a physical relationship), I need some external motivation. What I'm thinking of here is more... I guess it's harder to explain than I would have thought... hmm...

Well, I'm not comfortable with Sadism or Masochism. I can't be a Sadist because I don't like having that role of dominance. It would be so incredibly uncomfortable for me to actually have to do that to someone, even if they enjoy it. Most likely because I'd be worried about overstepping some boundary and maybe hurting someone (which might also be part of the reason I prefer to work alone... I don't want to be stepping on people's toes on accident, which is especially a concern since I probably won't notice if I do). I'd be almost as uncomfortable as I'd be as an M, really.

No, what I'm thinking of here is more... How to explain it... Possessiveness? I need some kind of possessiveness, and I need some kind of direction. I guess what I'm thinking of isn't exactly domineering, but more... Controlling? Like, I have no interest in acting on my own, so cooperating with a leading partner is really all I could ever imagine.

So, I guess what I'm going for is that I want to be lead, because whether or not I'm willing to be lead or going to be fighting the lead, I still need to be lead.



Lyrics:

Take my cold, dead hands,
but leave the gun.
I didn't want it in the first place;
Don't be scared!
Don't be scared!
Don't be scared!
Don't be scared!
Don't be scared!
I can't touch you;
I can't feel you on my own!
You own me!
Just look down at me and smile!

Step on me;
Don't get me on your shoes.
Humor me; with skin on skin,
Oppression gets so intimate.

Step on me;
Give me something to fight!
Don't be scared!
Just look down at me;
Just look down at me!
Just smile!

I'll go limp; I'll go numb.
I'm just a marionette.
I'm yours, so
Lead me; pull my strings!
Only you - Only me...
I just want to live -
Under your hand; beneath your feet,
Inside your body;
I just want to be...