Snow Dawgs

Chapter Eleven

By Roofles

 

It was cold that night when I returned to my room.

Buddy and I had spent most of the evening in the sauna talking things over. We agreed to see each other more often. Buddy needed someone to go skateboarding and rock climbing with. And I, sadly, desperately needed a good friend to do activities with again. I didn’t want to be a lazy bum after breaking up with my ex. Needing to be somewhat productive. Some physical activities would be a welcomed change for sitting around in my room all night after work watching Youtube videos.

You can only watch catman videos to a certain extent without seeing repeats of them being freaked out by cucumbers being sneakily placed behind them. It was always a good laugh to see a tigerman jump out of his chair seeing one.

The snow was coming down heavily, drifting down like powder from above. It was like someone had a powder sugar shaker and was sprinkling it down from above. It was surprisingly peaceful, making me pause to enjoy the sight. It covered the landscape behind the lodge with a soft white blanket. It frosted the trees and weighed down the roof. A sheet of snow fell outside my room as I stood there looking out into the white abyss.

Snow dampens sound.

Other than a crack of ice or the crunch of snow falling. It was perfectly tranquil, and I was lost in that silence as I stopped outside my room.

I didn’t bother turning the TV on. Just enjoying this silence. The soft creek of the wood as I looked out into the darkness. I could make out the trees. The silhouettes of each jutting out of the ground, closer than I was comfortable with. A part of me was afraid of one of those trees falling down during this storm.

“Was it a storm?” The thought made me think. It was just snowing. I guess, being a city boy, I wasn’t used to it. This amount of snow felt like a storm to me. I would need snow shoes in the morning, sure. But it wasn’t that bad. I was overreacting.

Quickly, I headed inside to change. Making myself some hot cider before stepping back out to enjoy the peace.

I took a drink from the hot beverage and nearly spat it out as I saw one of the trees shake in the distance. How fast things can change, it seemed, as the tranquility was broken.

“The fuck?” The snow from the tree fell off its branches as, I swear, I saw the entire thing shake. Everything stilled, again, after a moment… then another tree shook. Layers of snow fell to the ground, and I just stared at the spot. “A bear?” I frowned at that.

It wasn’t like there was an Anthro bear out there just stomping through the woods. There were some wild animals out there, I was sure. I wanted to check my phone, but I noticed another tree getting hit like the other two. Maybe someone was going to chop wood? It was cold enough. That would make sense, right?

It was odd how it was a different tree each time. Did lumberjacks test a trees before chopping them down? I wasn’t sure at all. I was a city boy. The only thing I knew about these kind of things is what I had seen online.

It would’ve been foolish of me to go look. Stupid, really. Idiotic in fact! I was one big idiot at the end of the day it seemed.

Damned my curiosity as I put on a heavier pair of pants, thick wool socks and got my snow gear on. A heavy, padded coat and hat to protect my sensitive face from the chill. Opening the door, I regretted it almost instantly as it hit me right in the face. That cold wind sprayed me with snow, and I shuddered involuntarily.

I wasn’t like the canines. I wasn’t covered in fur like they were. Their bodies were made for this kind of weather, at least some of them were. Not mine. I was just a dumb human that had agreed to come out here with my, now, ex and his friends.

Setting my mug down, I stepped out onto the back patio. The fenced walkway that led around to the hot tubs out back, as well as the other guys rooms. I could easily take this walkway to go knock on any of their doors. Well, back doors? From the outside. Outside doors, sure, let’s go with that.

I saw another tree hit and shut the door behind me. I left it unlock. Allowing me easy access back in as I went to investigate. The moon was out in full force, and it gave me some light through the heavy clouds as I stomped through the snow towards the tree line.

Thankfully cell phones these days had strong lights as I scanned the area in front of me for any sign of life.

“Hello?” I called, not about to sneak up on some serial killer out here.

There was a shift of snow up ahead, behind one of the trees. Someone clearly heard me, freezing on the spot. They didn’t move or step out into the light, and I was beginning to think this was a stupider idea than I had originally thought.

They clearly didn’t want company and here I was poking my nose into their business.

“I know you’re there.” I said, half a mind to just turn around and leave. “I just wanted to check in and-,” then I heard it. Those heavy steps approaching me far faster than I was ready for. “I bite!” I shouted as I held up my hands defensively and was promptly pulled further into the tree line.

Shoved behind a tree, I nearly lost my footing before a strong hand gripped my bicep. It held me firmly, spinning me around to face them. I recognized that touch almost instantly and, oddly enough, relaxed into it.

“Did you hear anything?” Duncan. Of course it was mother freaking Duncan of all the canines.

“Are you punching trees?” I asked and the pit bull’s ears splayed out. “Seriously? I was joking!” I laughed and the sound carried around me before dying out. Muffled. The sound was muffled around me from the snow and tress. If I screamed I hoped, if I screamed loud enough, they’d at least be able to find my dead body in the morning. You know, after Duncan murdered me.

“You…” Duncan started up, rising up to his full height. Muscles flexed; jaw tightened as he let out a low, menacing growl. The sound built inside his chest like an engine revving… before exhaling. He deflated again, letting out all that build up anger and rage with the hot breath that misted the air between us.  

Instead, he turned around and punched another tree. Full on, closed fist, punched it. I was afraid he’d break his hand. Instead, when he pulled it back some of the bark fell away from where his fist had indented the tree at.

That was both terrifying and impressive both at the same time. I had to shut my jaw as he wiped off the bark from his knuckles.

“Damn.” I let out a low whistle as he huffed and panted, glaring at me. “Impressive.”

“Heh,” Duncan flexed his hand, rolling it around as he looked down at it. “Most people be mad about that.” The pit bull grumbled, flexing his hand. Opening and closing it. Turning it into a deadly weapon and relaxing it into something more recognizable…

“Mad?” I asked, confused. “Because you punched a tree? I’m no tree hugger.” I explained.

“No, not that…” Duncan gritted his teeth, snorting out. “No. Never mind. Forget it.”

“What? Hey, come on, man.” I tried to apologize, in a way. For the nipple twists, for teasing him… for a lot of things. “What did you mean by that?” I asked, again. I didn’t touch him; no. I wasn’t an idiot with a death wish.

I just kind of wished Duncan would talk to me. No more of this pissing contest for once between us. We both were going through shit. There was no denying that. How was I supposed to help him if he didn’t at least tell me what the fuck was going on?

Wait, did I want to help him…? That news caught me by surprise.

“No one else is here.” I pointed out and he relaxed, if only a little. His shoulders didn’t look so tense as they had been. When it was just the two of us, like this, he seemed to revert to something more… normal. Like an actual person instead of this ball of fists and rage. “It’s just us,” I felt the need to remind him on this. “No one else came out with me.”

“It is.” He agreed, looking at me. I wasn’t sure if he was agreeing with me or realizing that he could murder me without anyone else being aware about it. Behind those eyes, I could see him thinking it over. With a snort, he dismissed my death… for now, at least.

“Uh, look.” I tried to say something in my defense before it was too late. “I’m sorry. About earlier. That was going too far. I’ve just been… sorry.” I was terrible at apologizing.

“Earlier…?” Duncan asked, confused. I could practically see the rusty gears in his head turning. Then it clicked. “Oh. Right, that… Forget it. I forgot all about that,” he grumbled, folding his arms over his impressive chest. He snorted and there was mist in front of his face. “It’s whatever.”

“Still, I am sorry, Duncan.” I pressed. “It was uncalled for of me to do that. I just… you were there and, fuck, this is hard.” I grumbled. “It was fun? Okay! You were fun and I was… I got carried away with it. Is all, sorry.” He gave me the side eye… then sighed. Letting out another heavy breath and turned to face me.

“Look.” He said and I was the one to tense as he took a step closer. His heavy step crunched the snow under his boot, and he leaned in closer. It was the first time I’ve seen him fully clothed like this. “That was too far, what you did. But I didn’t mind the other stuff.” Duncan stated aloud. I blamed it on the fact the two of us were alone and there was an unspoken rule that Duncan would strangle me in my sleep if I told anyone about our conversations. That’s why he was being so open about this. “It was kind of… fun, yeah. That’s a good way to put it.”

“Fun?” I was the one confused now.

“Yeah, you know, fun.” Duncan spat that word out, growling again. He was bipolar, I swear. He’d go from cool, calm and collected to being just a bastard. “It was fun, fooling around. Is all…” He grumbled, trying to work on how to say it. To phrase it, maybe.

That, in a way, did make sense. People were more than happy to take things out of context. If you misspoke, once, it could ruin your social life. Someone like Hunter had taught me that much. I could only imagine the hell that Duncan had to live with being with a guy like Junkyard.

It was probably why we both were so awkward at talking. Neither of us wanted to say something that could offend the other, at least not on purpose. I’ve seen Duncan choose his words like a gunman would pick out his bullets. Planning to do the most damage with those words as possible.

“A good release. From it… all.” Duncan wasn’t looking at me. Just looking to the side. He was still breathing heavily. Chest rising and expanding before snorting out a hot breath in frustration. “I appreciate… you not mention it, to anyone.”

Like I would do that. Instead, I simply agreed with him. I got a feeling that people didn’t often agree with the pit bull. Instead, instantly writing him off for the dick that nine times out of ten he was. Not that I blamed them for the assumption with this canine.

“Right… it was fun.” I agreed, rubbing my hands together. I wished I had brought gloves with me. In my rush, I happened to forget them. “It was fun. Doing stuff… together. Games, other things.” Dammit, why was this so awkward to just talk with Duncan.

I wanted to open up to the guy, so he’d open up to me. Out of everyone here, Duncan might be the only one to really understand where I was coming from and what I was going through. Just as I might be the only one to understand him during this all.

Break ups fucking suck. Even if they did go as well as mine and Hunter had… it sucks. To be single again. To have your friends whispering and talking behind your back. Then for them to try and console you about the breakup. Telling you it’ll be fine, that isn’t as bad as you think. One thing after another…

Sometimes people NEEDED to yell, to shout, to get angry and punch trees. And that… that was okay. For fuck sake, let a man be angry without trying to talk them down. Let them vent and let out their frustrations. Too much steam will pop the lid off anyone.

I got that feeling from Duncan. The man just needed an outlet for it. Be it fucking my ass or punching trees. I wasn’t sure which of us had gotten the worse end of the stick.

Duncan gave a grunt and that was my answer. Duncan didn’t talk as much as others did and sometimes would just grunt out an answer, leaving the other party to figure out what he meant by it. The jackass. Here I am, awkwardly, trying to open up to the guy and I get a grunt for my efforts.

“I’ll ease up on that,” I glanced at his chest. I could see his freaking nipples still. The tease. He let out a growl, seeing where I was looking. “But, I can keep doing the other… stuff?” I asked and he eased up again. “Like ass grabbing? Fondling your arms. Sneaking peeks when you bend over…?”

“Whatever.” Duncan said and I was the one to roll my eyes at his childish antics. Here I was offering to grope his ass, and he says whatever.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it… punching trees.” I turned to go, rubbing my hands together quickly. It was cold and I didn’t want to lose a finger to frostbite. I think we had a productive conversation of grunts and whatever.

I did my good deed for the day.

“Here,” he said suddenly and stepped in my path. Before I knew it, I had both my hands against him. Duncan had taken hold of my wrist and shoved my hands inside his suddenly opened jacket. He wasn’t looking at them, or me. Just looking off to the side as I felt his body heat warming my fingers. He was, well, hot. His body temperature must’ve ran warmer than humans as he was nice and toasty and I enjoyed the feel of it this cold, winter night. “You shouldn’t be out here without… protection.”

Not like I used protection yet during this trip. I, uh, tactfully didn’t say that, though.

“Oh, right. Yeah, I forgot my gloves. I saw… someone out here. I wanted to check on them. Make sure they were doing okay.” I only half lied about that. “Are you… doing okay?” I asked to play up the lie. I was just being nosy again.

He snorted and that was it.

We stood there for at least a good five minutes. My hands and arms inside his jacket, practically hugging the man, as he stood there in the snow. It continued to drift down overhead. Duncan glanced up first, looking at the dark sky and then down at me. With a hand, he brushed the built-up snow from my shoulders and then fussed with my hair.

He didn’t say anything. Not at first. And when he did? I wish he hadn’t.

“You’re an idiot.” He said. I couldn’t deny that, coming out here as I did. “Here,” he moved closer and now I was fully hugging his front. He pushed me back, step by step we went, until I felt my back push up against a tree.

It provided little cover as Duncan rested against my front. He tugged and pulled his coat further around me and, for a moment, I forgot what I was doing. He was assertive, sure, but surprisingly gentle and warm. He was very warm, and I guiltily rested against his front. My face against his chest.

I could hear the sound of his heartbeat pounding.

“Thanks…” I offered weakly, eyes half closed. “You… smell nice.” I said, a bit awkwardly. “Warm…” I muttered stupidly. Stating the obvious. It was. He was. And it was… nice.

“You’re an idiot…” Duncan pushed his snout against the side of my neck. I was glad I showered after fooling around with Buddy. It was proper to shower before and after getting into a pool. Not saying what we did in the pool was okay or not, just some things you don’t skimp on.

Like showering to hide your shame from other nosy canines.

“Duncan…” I said his name, unsure what else to really say as he pushed against my front. His hands didn’t roam over me. He didn’t touch me as before. This strange hug wasn’t sexual at all… it was to comfort him.

I rubbed his back. I didn’t mind that. To comfort someone for a change. Physical company could do wonders for a broken heart.

“What’s going on…?” I asked in no more than a whisper. I could see my breath before my face now and moved my nose over against his neck. He tensed at that. At my touch, at the brush of my nose against the side of his neck.

It was close. It was intimate and the defensive pit bull had to stop his fight or flight instinct from kicking in. He still smelled nice. Strong and musky. Like a worked up man. Punching trees, I guess, did that to someone…

I didn’t mind. I kind of liked it.

“I…” He couldn’t say it at first. So, instead, I nosed lower. Nosing over his muscular pecs and then at his arm. Subtly, nosing at it as if I had a snout to do it. Something a canine would do.

He whined.

A soft sound that escaped his barely parted lips as he lifted up his arm and I nosed underneath. His armpit was sweaty and warm. It smelled of him and I guilty took it all in. This was more for me than it was for him. Hunter didn’t like this.

Hunter didn’t like a lot of things.

He was a very clean canine. He wanted to go shower after you held hands. It… it kind of hurts, if you do it every time. Sometimes you want to do something and smell like it after, alright? I liked the smell of a guy. I’m gay. I’m a faggot and I enjoy it.

I enjoyed him… no, not Hunter.

I enjoyed the way Duncan felt in my arms. His strong, muscular furry body pressed against mine. I liked the way he smelled, like a man. He was worked up, sweaty and now… nervous? He was nervous about whatever he was going to tell me. Why he was out here punching trees.

I’d laugh if I didn’t know exactly what it was he was going to say. Maybe that’s why I wanted to tuck my head underneath that large, impressive arm of his. Snuggling in as close as I could before he told me the news I already knew in my heart…

“Junkyard is hooking up with your ex.” Duncan said. It took me a couple of seconds to put that together. I was glad my nose was pushed into Duncan’s armpit when he told me that.

I was sure Duncan felt the same way with how he lifted his arm a little more. Offering it to me to make me feel better… to make himself feel better.

It was a dark truth we both knew and that everyone, even the blind and deaf, saw coming. Junkyard had a boner for my ex and Hunter was okay with that.

Duncan must’ve stumbled on Junkyard and Hunter in the jacuzzi as Buddy had suggested he check out earlier that day. Go figure that the golden retriever was right about something. He was far more intuitive about these things than I gave him credit for.

It also explained why Duncan was out here… punching trees. I still couldn’t get over that.

“Oh.” I said. Duncan and I just continued to hug one another. His arms squeezed me… or maybe I did that to him? It was hard to tell. My toes were getting as cold and numb as my heart felt hearing his words. “That… sucks. That really sucks.” I said, not really too concerned about Hunter. I had already yelled out my distress and frustrations over that man. Duncan hadn’t. That must be why… “That’s why you’re punching trees.” I stated dumbly.

Earlier that day, early in the morning… I had let out my frustrations. It was obvious that Hunter was going to hook up with Junkyard. Not to say I wasn’t just as bad. Frankly, I was worse… but we weren’t together. That’s what I told myself to justify my actions and now, I couldn’t fault or hold it against Hunter to get some.

We weren’t… together anymore.

I don’t think I whimpered in the same way Duncan had. But I made a sound and Duncan held me tighter as we were forced to accept it. We were single. Officially single and our ex’s were hooking up.

“Fuck, this sucks.” I almost laughed.

“Better than punching people.” Duncan grumbled and I nodded at that, giving him another strong squeeze. “I punch trees, so I don’t punch people… People. People don’t get that. They don’t know what it’s like to…” Duncan couldn’t even finish.

I felt him tremble. I felt him squeezing me for support. He wasn’t supporting me, I was supporting him through this. And that was okay. Not everything had to be about yourself. Sometimes, you do things just for others.

“I’m… proud of you.” I said. The pit bull glanced down at me. He had that suspicious look again. His defenses returning. “I know what it’s like wanting to punch someone. In the face. Especially when they pull a Hunter.” I was the one grumbling now. Even thinking about that German Shepherd was getting my blood boiling. He was just so damn frustrating. “I know… how you feel.” I said and I think he understood that.

As much as I liked Buddy and respected Auto, they were the type of people to try and keep a neutral stance on it. Not wanting to take a side. They were the type to support you, encourage you to get back out their… not to let you feel bad.

Sometimes you needed that. Fuck, sometimes you needed to scream your head off in the middle of the morning or, well, in Duncan’s case punch trees. He must love going to the gym. It would explain why he’s so muscular.

Duncan let go first.

He took a step back and looked at me. Just looking into my face. Maybe trying to discern if I was telling the truth or not. Having just broken up with an ex as well, I understood Duncan more than anyone else here in the lodge could. I hoped he saw that. Understood that.

Break ups, even relatively good ones like Hunter and I had, were still sore, tender subjects. They took time. Time to heal. Time to get over. And time to deal with. Everyone dealt with it differently. I ended up sleeping with half the lodge… Duncan punched trees.

We all had our own inner demons to battle, to sort through and deal with. Hopefully, it’d make us stronger after.

To my surprise, Duncan wiped my face off. That warmth on my cheek hadn’t been melted snow, but tears.

“Fuck.” I just said as he brushed my cheek off. “Sorry…” Duncan interrupted my thoughts.

“He’s a no-good lying cheat of a bastard.” Duncan suddenly said. I did not dare argue against that. The pit bull turned around, moving away. It looked like he was about to punch another tree. “That fuckin’ Doberman was over three hundred pounds when I first met him. Three hundred! That’s a lot for his breed. He was overweight, without a job, or a place to live… just kicked out by his parents. I don’t blame them!” Duncan turned around, tucking his arms in like a professional boxer and jabbed into the air with several quick punches. “I was the dumbass that took him in! I was the dumbass that trusted him. I… I trusted him.”

Another tree got punched.

“I was the dumbass that took him in, thinking he could change!” Another tree. “Fucking lying prick said he would get his shit together. To get a job!” Another tree. “To lose weight!” Then another. Snow falling from each after. His punches weren’t as strong as the first I saw. Just enough. Enough to feel something.

To feel the pain against your knuckles, to run up your arm and through your shoulder. Enough pain to feel it in your heart. Emotional pain dulled by physical pain.

We all deal with things differently. That must’ve been what Duncan meant. He was the type to show it. Both visually and physically. He was the type to let out his anger, to show it. For the entire room to feel it when he got mad. That was who he was. Be it his breed as a pit bull or just as who he was as a person.

I was far more reserved. Oh, fuck, I screamed and yell and shouted my fair share don’t get me wrong! I just made sure to do it in the private of our own home. Away from others. Out in the trees in the early morning where no one could hear me.

Duncan… Duncan punched trees so he wouldn’t end up punching people. And I could respect him for that.

“You know the worst part is, Douglas?” Duncan was breathing heavily, muzzle tilted towards the dark sky. Any snow that fell around him seemed to melt on the spot as he his breath misted the air. “He did. He finally got a job. Finally… Hell, he even lost weight, finally. Found some trend online… lost a hundred and sixty-seven pounds… he did it. I supported him through it all, and he did it.”

“Then he changed.” I said, knowingly. One of my ex’s had done something similar.

“Fucker.” Duncan spat to the side. I swear his spit was slightly tinted red with blood. Was he chewing on his inner lip? Grinding his teeth so hard they bled? To try and contain that anger inside. Instead of hurting others, Duncan would let out his anger any way he could. Even if it hurt himself. “I was there… and when he reaped those rewards? He began ignoring me. Ignoring me… heh, the man that had been there for his worst moments. That had supported him and… and loved him, even when no one else did. Even when he didn’t love himself…”

“Fuck.” I could only say. What else was there to say to that?

“He began going out more. Parties and the like. He wanted to be seen. To be noticed. And touched… by others. Not his boyfriend. Not the man that had been there with him through it all. Through the bad times, no…” Duncan clenched a fist. It shook. His entire lower arm shook as he tried to contain that rage. “He asked… asked me not to join him. To not to go to the same parties. He didn’t want to deal with it… deal with me seeing him being the slutty lying cheat he was.”

Rage was like a pot set to boil. It would eventually simmer down, sure, but it first boiled over and Duncan… He couldn’t. It was too much, and he turned around and threw another punch. It hit a tree and that one… that one looked like it hurt as he cried out.

A roar that turned into a growl that ended in a whimper as he hugged the tree. Held it, forehead resting against the side of it as he took several shaky breaths.

There was a stillness in the air. All around us as the fallen snow settled down, blending into the blanket of snow around our feet. I walked over. Every step crunching under my snow boots as I went over to inspect Duncan’s knuckles.

They were raw and bloody. Parts of the fur were missing, and the skin underneath was tender and sore. Taking his hand, I brought it closer, away from the tree and into the moonlight for me to see. To try and get a good look at the damage he had done. I felt over the spot and he winced but didn’t pull away.

He wanted me to see him vulnerable, but didn’t want to see him weak. That was who Duncan was as a man.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” Duncan said, looking away. “It’s too cold. For some… human.”

“Should I just leave you out here, then? By yourself.” I didn’t mean to sound as harsh as it was. I reached down, unsure what to do really. I didn’t have a med kit on hand. There might be one back at the lodge… I had to do something, though. After taking hold of his hand like this. Duncan was watching me. Waiting for me to do something, say something… to make him feel worse than he already was.

No wonder why the guy was so ready to bite the head off anyone who talked to him. If everyone always got on Duncan or scolded the pit bull about something he had said or done. Eventually, you just become like that. Hard, defensive and… angry.

No, I couldn’t do that. Not to Duncan. Not after seeing him like this. Being with him this week. I couldn’t just abandon the dog like so many others had.

Instead, I just kissed the spot. As gentle as I could. Duncan watched with a bemused expression, finding the entire thing funny.

“Careful, you might catch the gaids.” Duncan crassly said. Making a joke of it. Deflecting from his own problems. It was very common, these days, to see that kind of thing. That behavior. To make a fucking joke of everything.

People couldn’t just accept when something bad happened. Maybe it’s because I lived on the internet for so long with my ex, but damn if I didn’t want to see people be real, for once in a while. Not always. Just enough to say “ow” when they bleed. Or “fuck” when something bad happens.

Instead of making a joke of everything…

“I came out here the other night and screamed.” I said, letting go and taking a step to the side. Giving him some space as much as myself. I hugged myself. Holding it in for a moment.

“What?” Duncan frowned at that, how heavy brow setting over his eyes making him look extra grumpy.

“I came out here, by myself, and screamed until I was red in the face and my voice had gone hoarse. I said every curse word I knew and just… yelled.” I let out a bit of a laugh. Just thinking about it. How upset I had been. How frustrated I was. With myself, with Hunter. With a lot of things.

“Why tell me that?” Duncan asked. For a second I thought he was going to say he couldn’t give a damn. But he didn’t. He just looked at me, confused.

“Misery loves company.” I just shrugged. Shrugged it off? Fuck, I was being like those jaded bastards online that I hated. “I just… didn’t want you thinking I was dealing with this, my own breakup… well.”

“I.. I don’t want you to suffer.” Duncan grumbled, rubbing an arm. “What kind of prick hole does that? Wanting people to feel bad after something shitty happens…?” He didn’t say it, but I could tell he was thinking of Junkyard again. That was what kind of bastard the Doberman was.

Someone who wanted to pour salt into your wound and remind you that it hurt.

“Just, well, this way you have something to hold against me, just in case I tell anyone about this.” I said as if giving him a reason for it. I shrugged. Shrugged off those thoughts, the concern. I couldn’t care less if Duncan told the others. I’d hate him for it, sure. I was only human… but I wouldn’t care… would I?

Nah, I would. I’m not perfect. I’m anything but perfect. Breaking up with Hunter showed me that much. How raw and vulnerable and… needy I could be. I wonder if that was better than being cold and jaded like most people seemed to be these days?

“Like I’d tell any of those sons of bitches.” Duncan grumbled, turning away. I think that was his way of saying he’d keep this a secret, between the two of us. I appreciated that. The man just couldn’t say it like a normal person, I guess. “Like those fuckers would understand. Try and belittle my feelings. To say it isn’t all that bad and I’m making mountains out of molehills…”

“Heh,” I did understand that. I agreed with him there.

“Just fucking sucks… You’re there for the bad and…” Duncan trailed off. So I decided to finish the thought for him.

“You’re there for them through everything. The good times and bad…” I said and Duncan looked up at me.

“When they lose their job. Gain weight. Become a house potato.” Duncan spat at the end, spitting to the side in disgust. “He stopped showering.”

“Ew!” I gagged at the thought and Duncan jumped on it with me.

“Right! Thank you! Fucking gawd! I told the others? They said I had to be there for him. To help him through it. That HE was having the hard time. What about fucking me? It was my damn place! They said he was going through some stuff, and it was my job, my fuckin’ responsibility to take care of it. Of him.” Duncan snarled. “They loved getting involved in our relationship. Giving all kinds of advice! When things got tough? Got real? They chickened the shit out, just like he did…” I knew he meant Junkyard when he said that. “Just like he did…”

I could only see the bad side of the Doberman. That’s how I met him. When he was like… this. I couldn’t imagine a good side. Something Duncan had. He had been there for the good as well as the bad. To help him through it, to get over it and to get better. Junkyard had gotten over it. It only made him a real piece of shit in the end.

Leaving Duncan behind.  

Some people can’t handle becoming popular as he had. At least, with what Duncan had said? I assumed Junkyard was popular with the other canines. He must be some kind of looker in canine standards, because his personality was shit.

“…what did you do? Or say?” I asked and Duncan gave me a look. “About finding them together in the hot tub?” I wanted… no, I needed to know. I’m not sure how I would react. I figured most people would just walk away. Run away from that kind of situation, hell, they might even apologize stumbling in on them like that!

I think… I think my reaction would’ve been similar to Duncans.

“What did I say when I found them in the hot tub?” He asked, glaring at me. “Fuck, I knew it. I knew Buddy was hiding you. All the others here! They don’t give a shit about me,” he turned to go. To leave. To stomp away and let his anger when out.

I had let it slip that I heard it, heard him. Why he had gone there and found them like that. That was my mistake, but I wasn’t going to just let him walk away to stew in this anger. It was different if he wanted to vent and let it out. It wasn’t healthy to ruminate in that kind of mindset.

I caught his wrist. It wasn’t like I could physically stop him. Just the action, though, was enough to slow him down.

“What? You going to laugh at me also?” Duncan snapped. He barked. He yelled at me. Turning just enough to glare at me. But he didn’t pull away, and I wouldn’t either.

Instead of trying to explain, I just hugged him. Much as he had me. From behind. Holding him as I knew I wanted someone to hold me after breaking up with Hunter. For someone to be there to help share the burden of that hurt with.

No one should be alone, even if they wanted to be. Even a silent hug, like this, could do wonders… at least I hoped that’s what he needed. What he wanted.

Duncan grunted. He growled. Duncan’s body stiffened. His muscles flexed, jaw tightened, hand balling into fists… then he sighed. Letting it all out as he deflated, once more, in front of me. Just standing there with a dumbass human hugging his back.

“I shouted at them.” Duncan said, answering my previous question. “I walked in on them like that… and I lost it. I yelled and I barked and I screamed…”

“Did it help?” I asked, even knowing. Knowing only time could heal such wounds.

“No. It still felt good. To see their faces. The look on their dumb faces with Junkyard’s butt up in the air… I might’ve, uh, thrown a few things at them. Made them run away like little bitches, butt naked, into the cold.” Duncan did laugh at that. A forced harsh laugh that ended in a growl. “Didn’t make me feel better…”

“They deserved worse.” I said and Duncan remained still and quiet. “He could’ve at least had the balls to say something… to break up, first.”

“Junkyard? Say something like that? No. No that would’ve been too hard. Him cheating on me? Having me walk in on it? That was easy. That way he could pretend I was overreacting to what he had done. That’s the type of fuck I thought I loved.” Duncan cursed.

“Thought…?” That one word stood out to me.

“I thought… I loved him, I guess. Seeing him like that? Thinking about all the shit he’s put me through? Someone you love doesn’t do that to you. It might’ve been me projecting onto him. Wanting him to be someone I wanted… I don’t know. I hate all that psychological crap. Wish people were just more… direct.” Duncan trailed off with.

“I’m sorry.” And I was as I held him.

“Not like you did anything wrong…” Duncan didn’t look at me. And I appreciated that. I damn well felt like I had. Hunter and I were basically broken up, we talked about it and did break up… still. I’ve done a lot this week and it was that morning after effect.

Waking up after a drunken night out, ending up in a strangers bed. Eventually you’ll have to wake up and live with the actions, the consequences, you’ve done.

“Fuckin’ sucks.” Duncan let out almost a whine of voice as his ears drooped forward with his face. “I spent months helping him through it. Over a year! A couple of years, if I think about it. Being his friend then… dating? Then together.” I didn’t understand the exact details of that, but I let it go without questioning that. “And what do I get for it? Finding him boning some skinny ass twink shepherd during our vacation… it was supposed to fix things. Not break them.”

“This vacation…?” I asked gently, petting and rubbing at Duncan as much as I could. He was a very thick dog, and I don’t think I could get both arms around him even without him wearing a winter jacket.  

“We were supposed to come out here and get away from it all. Work, the stress of the big city. Politics, his family, you name it… then you guys are here and things just… happened.” Duncan said, unsure what he could’ve changed, what he could’ve done to make things better.

“Sometimes you can’t.” I said knowingly. “No matter how hard you try to work at it. Sometimes… some relationships are just doomed to fail…”

“Thanks.” Duncan grumbled, rolling his eyes. “You’re really fuckin’ bad at this.”

“Sorry,” I let out a weak laugh as I let him go. “I’ll have to give you a refund then.”

Duncan glanced over his shoulder at me. Looking me in the face. He didn’t look at my body or give me a once over. He just… looked at me.

“Or you can make it up to me?” Duncan said, turning around to face me slowly. I could see the gears in his head turning as he was putting together some kind of scheme to screw me over. Possibly, literally.

“Like… sexually?” I asked and Duncan was the one to laugh. A snort of a laugh that turned into a bark as he tilted his head back and let it out. A loud “guffaw” of a laugh that made him take a second to recover.

“Fuck, Douglas, keep it in your pants for once.” I blushed at that. “Look.” He said and hesitated. It was that side of him that I saw sometimes. A softer, more gentle side. Unsure of himself. Afraid to make more mistakes after all the ones he had.

It was a side of the man I was sure was who he should’ve been. A softer, kinder canine before the world had screwed him over, chewed him up and spat him out. Life made Duncan the way he was. All the bad times made him this ball of angry defensive… pit bull. Junkyard was just the cherry on top.

Duncan shifted his weight, unsure what to say exactly before clearing his throat.

“Look.” He said again. “We’re both single now. Both recently broken up with bastards,” I wouldn’t go so far as to call Hunter that but didn’t argue with the worked-up pit bull. “We both had a bunch of dumb couple stuff planned for this trip, right?”

“Uh, sure.” I said. Hunter and I did not have any plans together. Hunter wasn’t the type to plan couple activities together. And it still took me this long to realize that the man was a terrible date. I don’t mind paying, I don’t mind going out… sometimes it’s nice to be taken out, though.

To be treated like someone should be treated. Especially when you’re in a relationship.

“Good.” Duncan clapped his paws together. “Then I accept.” He nodded at this.

“The fuck are you…” I had to take a second on that. “What?” I stammered out, worked up over it. He just gave me a cheeky grin.

“You said you wanted to make it up to me.” Duncan pointed out. How dare he use my words against me like this!

“Not in so many words…” I corrected him.

“Close enough,” Duncan waved off the details with a large hand. “You owe me!” He pointed at me suddenly, grinning from ear to ear. I did not like where this was going. “For the rest of this trip? You’re going to be my date!”

“Wait, what?” I wasn’t prepared for this at all. Let alone the pit bull taking charge of the situation.

Duncan walked over, grabbed my arm and began to lead us back to the lodge.

“I have a bunch of stuff planned out.” Duncan said and I wasn’t sure how to fight against this strong pit bull without pissing him off again. He had just calmed down. Now he was… “I need a partner for all of it. I’m not going to get a refund on any of the shit I paid for. And I am not doing couple things alone!” Duncan said loudly, angry he had paid for it all. “You can be my date.”

“Date?” I said far louder than I meant to.

“Yup.” Duncan stubby tail wagged as the silver-gray coat of the pit bull looked blue underneath the moonlight. “You and I are going to get very familiar with one another. Not like we haven’t been already!” Duncan guffawed again. A loud bark of a laugh that filled the night air.

He was smiling. His tail was wagging, and his grip had eased off my arm. I could’ve easily escaped him if I had wanted to. I could’ve pulled away. Ran off… for some reason I didn’t. My legs followed his all the way back to the lodge. Up onto the patio that he, for some reason, helped me up onto. Where we now stood, facing one another.

Duncan held my sides, looking down at me as he grinned.

“My room or yours?” He asked, and his ears perked up.

“Uh…” I wasn’t sure what he meant. My mind instantly fell back into the gutter at the question.

“Room to move into, duh!” Duncan rolled his eyes. He took initiative again, grabbing hold of my hand and took a single step forward. “I have a couple breakfast sets coming up for the morning in my room for the next couple of days. I hope you like eggs benedict. Junkyard is not allowed in MY room any longer. Not like he’d want to,” he grinned evilly. “Not after what I did with his stuff.” Duncan beamed happily at that, tail wagging even faster.

Duncan was not a man I wanted to have a real reason to get mad at me about.

“Your room for… what?” I asked, needing specifics now.

“To share, duh.” Duncan rolled his eyes. He gave my hand a soft tug.

I noticed how he wasn’t pulling me. He was offering. A very dumb way of offering, mind you. It was childish and stubborn. Something an inexperienced person would do. Wanting someone to follow after them but not forcing them either.

Duncan was giving me a choice.

I could go back to my single room, alone. Bundle up in my bed, alone, and go to sleep, alone. To wake up and maybe hook up with another one of the canines there. It wasn’t a healthy thing to do, even I knew this. It was just my way of dealing with the aftermath, the fallout, of breaking up with Hunter. A coping mechanism. It had just been rebound sex, really.

Even with Duncan.

The way he was looking at me now…

There hadn’t been a future there, not then. Not after those hook ups. Now? Now I was unsure… I was sure Duncan was only interested in hooking up with me because of his recent breakup.

“Duncan… I…” I took a second. “You know before…”

“Right,” Duncan took a step closer. It caught me off guard as he took hold of my hands. “I shouldn’t just, assume, things… not anymore. Not after Junkyard. I should properly ask.” Duncan cleared his throat. “It’s just… hard. To ask.”

“This is just rebound sex?” I wasn’t sure why I asked, instead of stating it as a fact. Was I hopeful? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t have much of a future, or any, with Hunter. The idea of dating again, so soon…? Scared me.

It scared me a lot. A real date. Not just hookups. I don’t know how to answer him. If I was able to give him what those eyes of his were asking of me.

“Right. But this isn’t just for sex.” Duncan pointed out and I had to laugh at his behavior. “Look. This is probably the dumbest shit I’ve done before. Just… just going for it. Taking a leap. Rushing a bit, sure, sure…” I blinked at that statement. Then Duncan knelt down on one knee and I was about to hit a man if he did something even dumber than we already were doing. “Douglas, you furless dumbass, will you be my replacement boyfriend? At least until this vacation is over.” He added on as if it were a clause we were going to sign before agreeing to anything.

“Oh, thank fucking boof Jesus Christ. I was afraid you meant…” I let out a nervous laugh. “What about, uh, before…?” I asked, not wanting any of my past hook ups within the week to bite me on the ass.

“Let’s leave what’s in the past, and those in it, in the past.” Duncan stood up to his full height and I had to tilt my head back a bit to continue looking at his face. “I just,” his palms were growing sweaty as he held my hands. “Just… don’t want to be alone…” His voice broke, every word growing softer as he said them. “I don’t want to wake up tomorrow, after breaking up… alone. I know. That sounds… stupid…”

His face drooped with his ears and, with a downcast gaze, asked again.

“Can you… stay the night…? With me.” Duncan’s shoulders sagged and he seemed smaller than he was.

“I…” I wasn’t sure what it was I wanted. “I can’t promise you anything…” I had to say. “I’m still… dealing with my breakup.”

“Aren’t we both.” Duncan let out a weak laugh at that, looking up at me with those big puppy dog eyes. Stupid pit bulls could look so fierce and scary one second, then like overgrown puppies the next. “I know. Just… for this trip, then? We still have a week left and… and I don’t want to be alone during it.” Duncan’s ears fell. “Not with everyone else here. They’ll see me alone. That Junkyard is… is with Hunter and I… I want to win this breakup!” Duncan half shouted at the end, holding my hands tightly in his.

He was shaking. It was hard to tell if it was just because he was upset or… or if he was just angry. Angry at the idea of Junkyard and Hunter “winning” the breakup.

“What about the other canines?” I asked and Duncan gave a weak smile.

“Who would want to hang out with me?” Duncan asked and my heart did go out to him at that. “They hung out with me because I was Junkyard’s boyfriend. I… I’m not really good friends, let alone friends with most the others… me and Auto always butt heads these days and just…” At least Duncan was aware of his previous actions with the Alpha of the group. “I’m not much of a people person. I’m not good… with others. I just… don’t want to be the third wheel for the rest of this trip. The black sheep. The odd one out…”

“Right.” I knew what he meant though. I did. Because it was the very thing I had talked to Buddy with about that day. I thought, because I had broken up with Hunter, I was going to lose everyone else. All my other connections here.

That one guy everyone regretted inviting to the trip.

It’s rare. Very rare for a group of friends to remain friends with both parties of a breakup. Oh, sure, everyone in the fucking world will tell you otherwise. We all know what bull that is, though. Anyone who has been there or know someone who has done that can tell you otherwise. The cruel harsh truth of a breakup.

When two people break up, the friend group becomes split. You’re forced to take sides, to choose a team. People want to pretend otherwise. That everything is okay. That’ll all just magically work out. The majority of the time, it doesn’t. Let me tell you… it doesn’t.

“This is stupid.”

“I know.”

“We’re just rebounding.”

“Off each other.” Duncan actually laughed, tail wagging. He hadn’t let go. I hadn’t said no.

“We still have a week…”

“Pretend to be a happy couple for a week. I doubt anyone will notice,” Duncan rolled his eyes. “They don’t notice me before, let alone now…” I felt that.

“I did…” I said and he looked at me.

“Yeah, you did…” Duncan smiled then. “Douglas… I want. I want to be more… direct.” He frowned, trying to work out the right way to say it. “I think my previous relationship failed, partially, because of it. Of that. Not talking about it. Yelling… isn’t talking.” He admitted.

“Communication is very important,” I agreed. Hunter and I had a huge problem on that as well.

“So.” Duncan said, and I waited. “Will you?”

“Pretend to be dating you for the next week?” I asked. It would kind of be fun, I was sure. A lot of free couple things to do together. It’d be nice to have someone there in the morning as well. Duncan was an attractive guy, or at least I thought so.

There were far worse options than Duncan. Like no one… waking up alone for the rest of the week? I’m not sure if I could do that, if I was being honest with myself.

The pit bull hesitated. “I. Well… we don’t have to… pretend.” He said and I looked at him. Right into those round eyes of his. “I don’t know what the future holds, either. Clearly!” He gritted his teeth, squeezed my hands. “Just… I know that, right now, I don’t… want to be alone.”

“I… Don’t either.” I said and his tail wagged. “I can’t promise you anything. And… we start now?” I asked and he nodded. “Nothing else that happened here, at the lodge, counts until now? Correct?” I needed confirmation.

He snorted. “I don’t care if you had sex with Hunter before us.” Duncan said and I wasn’t about to elaborate on who, or how many, I had done it with. “But sure,” he rolled his eyes. “Right now. Today,” he glanced up. “I’m gonna’ guess it’s past midnight, so, this day. Whatever day it is! We start. You move into my room. Sleep in my bed. We can have breakfast together in the morning… shower,” his ears folded back, looking off to the side as he continued to hold my hands. “I’ll keep you warm,” his fingers rubbed over mine. “You’ll… be mine.”

“On one condition.” I said and he nodded.

“We don’t tell the others.” Duncan and I both said together, and we shared a laugh at that.

This was stupid. This was so stupid! I couldn’t believe I was letting this man take my stuff and bring it over to his room. Apparently, Junkyard had been sleeping on the sofa in their shared room. What a bitch ass move to make.

Duncan easily gathered my stuff up and brought it in. Going outside and around, in hopes of keeping it a secret from the others. Even if this only lasted a night. I still couldn’t believe I was doing this. Butt naked in the pit bull’s bed, underneath the covers where Duncan had left me. He said I needed to warm up and then took it upon himself to go collect the things I’d need for the morning. Like my toothbrush and phone.

The pit bull had stripped me naked, kissed me and tucked me into bed before doing all the work. It made me wonder just how much of the relationship that Duncan had been carrying before. It reminded me a lot of myself and Hunter when we had been together.

It was nice, being taken care of like this, but I’d make sure to carry my fair share of his fake relationship. It was only for a week! How hard could that be?

It wasn’t long until Duncan was back. The pit bull locked up after and came into the room not even a half hour later. He set my stuff down and quickly went to put the bathroom kit in the bathroom so I could use it in the morning. I could tell Duncan was excited about this. His tail hadn’t stopped wagging since I said yes.

“Do you need help?” I called and he yelled back.

“I got it!” He was such a loud oaf of a man. He poked his head out. “You just… stay there. I’ll be done in a second.” Then he was gone again, setting things up. “Need to get another towel. He can use mine in the morning… smell like me, yeah. Clean him up. He won’t smell like the other canines, he’ll smell like me.” Duncan rambled on as he went in and out of the room.

He plugged my phone in, set up my clothes to the side and double checked the locks again.

“All good?” I asked, trying to contain a laugh from his antics. The pit bull paused, looking around the room. Trying to see something he missed.

“That should be everything.” He nodded again.

“Good. Then come to bed already, babe.” I said teasingly at the end and I saw him stiffen from the words. It would be a lot of fun this weak if he kept acting like this. If a bit dangerous, teasing the pit bull. I moved the covers aside and patted the spot. “Sorry, I was lying in your spot again, sweetheart. I just like the way it smells.”

The pit bull shivered as he turned around to look at me, then the spot and the open blanket. He licked his lips.

“Douglas,” he said my name but didn’t elaborate. He swallowed, scratched the side of his neck and then just nodded to himself. “Okay.” And he joined me.

Duncan stripped on the spot. Not ashamed in the least to show off his body. He turned off the lights. Triple checked to make sure both doors were locked, then walked over to join me in bed. His dark silhouette approached me. It was hard to make him out with the lights off. I could hear him, though. I could hear his heavy steps, feel when he got into bed. Joining me. It shifted, my side rising as his sunk down with his muscular weight.

Arms reached out and soon enough, I was pulled against his front. I was waiting for it. The kiss, the hump, jerking each other off. Something sexual to happen.

It never did.

Duncan held me from behind, tucking me into the bed next to him and went to bed with one final “good night” before resting his head behind me. On top of mine. Against the same pillow. He was so close, there was no his or my side of the bed. It was just us, our side, in the middle of the bed as his body formed behind my own.

His legs pressed against mine. I felt his plump sheath rub and press against my ass. His gut pushed against my lower back and his chest firmly against my back. An arm was around me. It was heavy. The other was tucked under our shared pillow, propping it up and supporting us as he tried to scoot closer.

I felt him shift. I felt the bed shift with his weight and strength. Duncan was needy. I had always known that. I hadn’t realized when he said share a bed, it meant be used as his personal body pillow.

Throughout the night, he never let me go. If he turned around, it was his ass pushed up against me. Needing to feel me. To know that someone was there. His paws, his feet, were all over my own. He’d pet up and down my leg before reaching out an hugging me closer. Or squeezing me.

He was a big guy, a big dog. He was strong and his fur was thin. His body was warm and when I opened my eyes as the morning light slipped between the curtains, I was lying on his chest. Duncan was snoring loudly next to me. One of his arms draped over my side and the other was up showing off his armpit.

His jowls would shake with his snore. It flapped and moved with the sound as laid there dozing under me.

I had half a mind to get up and go back to my room. The rest of me was content, comfortable and glad for it.

“Hey.” I whispered, giving his chest a soft shake. I needed to ease him awake, afraid what he’d do after waking up with me on him. He might freak out or panic.

Instead, when he looked down at me with bleary blinky eyes he just smiled.

“Good,” he yawned loudly, covering his mouth with an arm before smacking his lips. “Morning, babe.” He said and I chuckled at that.

“IS it alright if I… kiss you?” I asked, hesitant for reason I wasn’t even fully about.

“If you don’t, I’m going to kiss you.” He said. With such a warm invitation, it was hard to decline climbing up his body and pushing my firm lips against his thinner, gummier ones. “There,” he grinned after, tail wagging. “Now that is a good morning kiss.” He stretched an arm out, scratched himself lewdly and then rolled me over to join me again in bed.

I was against his chest. He was holding me with both arms. And I could smell him…

“Douglas.” Duncan spoke in a soft, warm voice.  I looked up to see him snuggling into the bed.

“Yes, Duncan?” I asked. I had been the one this morning wanting to kiss him. So… what would he want.

“If you don’t stop fondling my junk, I’m going to mount and knot you for the rest of the day.”

“Oh,” I hadn’t even realized I’d been fondling his nuts this entire time. They were so big and warm in the morning. “Sorry?”

“Don’t be.” Duncan grinned. “I was offering.” He chuckled and we kissed again as our first morning, together, started.