Do not question my choices, the notes are still at the bottom.
Chapter 3: Wednesday waltz
Ben was jolted awake by another one of his war nightmares. The horrors he experienced still haunted him. This time it was the one where he saved Itachi from certain death but the dream always ended with the both of them dying somehow. Covered in cold sweat and breathing heavily, Ben looked at his alarm.
“Four thirty. ” he rubbed his eyes “Whole five hours of sleep. Not bad. ” Ben wobbled out of bed and went to the shower to get rid of the cold sweat that covered his entire body. He set the temperature to the max, somehow hoping the almost boiling water will wash away all the bad memories and scars he carried. It never does. After finishing his shower, Ben dressed for work, this time in a more un-formal fashion with jeans and a simple white t-shirt. He made sure to re-bandage his wound that opened up yesterday and was ready to get his fix of caffeine. He just stepped into the kitchen when he was greeted by his roommate, Richard, who was still in his pajamas.
“You screamed again. ” the lion said casually whilst preparing breakfast.
“Good. That means I can still sing. ” Ben answered with a laugh and sat down at the table where his coffee already waited.
“You should go to a therapist. ” Richard put a bacon omelet before Ben who poked it with his fork.
“Nope. ” Ben simply answered.
“Yeap. ” Richard took a plate for himself and sat down to eat “There’s nothing embarrassing about it. I went to one and it helped me a lot. ”
“Well you see, Simba- “ ben said with a smirk, knowing his friend didn’t like being called that.
“Still not cool with the nickname. ” case in point.
“-I’m perfectly fine. It’s just nightmares. ” Ben took a bite from his breakfast “I’m not gonna’ go Flippy on everyone if I hear a woodpecker. ”
“You’re a school teacher now. You know how teenagers are. ” Richard gave up on his omelet “Too salty. "
“I didn’t want to be rude. ” Ben pushed his plate away and continued “And FYI, I’m the master on making teachers cry and flip out. I even made the principal cry back in the day. ”
“And now you’re a teacher. It’s karma dude. ” Richard looked at his coffee “Too weak? ”
“I didn’t want to be rude… ” Ben spilled the coffee into the sink to his right and the two friends laughed “Let the master do it. ” Ben decided it was his time to shine so he prepared real coffee this time. It was done after a couple of minutes and after the first sip both had content smiles on their faces “So much better than sex. ”
“Because you have sex regularly and you can compare. ” Richard teased his dry friend.
“Masturbation is my salvation. ” Ben replied with a smile.
“Speaking of which, did you call that golden retriever girl from our last gig? ” Richard had a big grin on his face. It pleased him that his friend was considering dating anthro girls, meaning he got over his disgust with anthros completely.
“I decided it was in my best interest after her panther boyfriend showed his fangs. ” Ben had to admit though, the blonde was pretty hot.
“Like that stopped you before. ” Ben knew what his friend meant with that.
“Different times and circumstances. ” Ben said with a frown, remembering when he was attacked by a very wild tiger anthro with razor-sharp teeth “Besides, the girl is a student at my school. ”
“Ooooh, now we’re talking! ” Richard liked where this is going “Eyeing hot teens are we? ”
“You know it. ” Ben had to admit, after seeing all these young anthro girls at school, he liked the idea of dating one. If he only knew…
“Anyone special catch your eye, Prof. Perv? ” Richard really liked where this is going. It took a lot of hard work, and help from Itachi, to get through the humans thick skull and befriending him. But Richards question got Ben thinking.
“Well, there is one… ”
“Do tell. ” Richard poked further.
“But not in the way you think. ” Richard’s smile disappeared.
“Uh oh. It’s a teacher thing? ”
“Yeah. Her name’s Norah Jones and she’s a piece of work. ” Richard nodded and continued listening “I had a sparring match with her yesterday and I think she enjoyed it a little too much. ”
“The girl from Itachi’s group? ” Richard helped Ben with his wound once he got home “Damn. ”
“She’s like me I think. You know, before I met you. ”
“You mean an anthro hating douche bag asshole ? ” Ben glared at his friend “But, with humans in her case. ”
“Right… ” Ben didn’t have to be reminded of his former self “But I think I got through to her yesterday, if only a little. ”
“You quoted Itachi, didn’t you? ” Richard asked with a raised eyebrow.
“The man is like Yoda! And Splinter! He’s Yonter! ” both just had to laugh at the name “Honestly though, he was a big help for me and I think he’s trying the same with Norah. ” Ben then thought a little “It’s going to be a tough battle. ”
“Well, if you came around, she will too. ” Richard finished his coffee quickly “Time to go. ” Ben looked at his phone.
“You’re right. ” he finished his coffee as well and got up.
“Oh! Now I remembered! ” Ben looked at Richard who had a huge grin on his face “Your little shepherd friend liked our latest video! ”
“I don’t understand. ” Ben was confused “I don’t know any shep- “ he stopped mid-sentence when it clicked “You’re kidding. ”
“See for yourself. ” Richard handed him his phone, already on their band’s Facebook page. And sure enough, underneath the video, among numerous likes, it said Norah Jones likes this video. “She’s been doing her homework I’d say. I thought nothing of it, but when you mentioned her I kept wondering where I’ve heard that name. ”
“Spying on me, are we? ” Ben then looked at his friend in confusion “But why? ”
“Maybe you’re getting through to her. ” Richard patted his friends shoulder “Good job, teach. ”
“Yeah, thanks… ” Ben kept staring at her name and it made him feel… Nice.
Ben arrived half an hour early, like usual, to prepare for classes. He had PE and music classes today and Norah was in PE and music once again. Ben had to carefully plan his conversations with Norah so he doesn’t anger her more and push her away in the process. He entered the teachers lounge and all conversation stopped. They weren’t keen of his presence altogether and once word got out of how the students liked him it didn’t help him either.
“Mornin’. ” he greeted everyone with a big smile but got no answer. Except one.
“Good morning, Mr. Bennett. ” the principal greeted him with a handshake and sent death glares towards the other teachers who immediately turned their heads away “Ready for another day? ”
“Sure am. ” Ben felt good about today and he hoped it would stay that way.
“Miss Jones still giving you trouble? ” the principal asked with a raised brow.
“Nothing I can’t handle. ” Ben answered confidently.
“That’s good. ” principal Dreiberg nodded in understanding “But please, don’t be too hard on her. She’s had bad experience with humans before and she’s… Well, you know. ”
“I understand. I wasn’t so different myself. ”
“Yes, I’ve seen your file. ” the owl principal narrowed his eyes “We have to thank Itachi sensei and your friend Richard for setting you straight. ”
“I was a real piece of work. ” Ben answered with a laugh “But, like you said, they set me straight and now I’m here. ”
“And thank God for that. Before you came to our school, no other teacher was praised by students like you. And in just two days! ”
“I’m just trying to do a good job, Sir. ”
“Then keep up the good work, Mr. Bennett. ” the principal smiled and went towards his office. Ben looked at the other teachers who were glaring at him.
“I should get to class. ” he said awkwardly and received angry nods from his colleagues. Ben practically sprinted out of the room.
Norah was getting ready for the second class of the day, PE class. Like always, Emma and her were the last to change.
“So, you liked their video. Pretty gutsy Norah. ” Emma said while tying her shoes.
“What are you talking about? ” Norah really had no idea what she’d done last night.
“The one where they goof off and then play Pastor of Muppets. ”
“It’s Master of Pup- “ the shepherds eyes widened in shock “Oh my God. ” she quickly pulled out her phone and looked for the video. Sure enough… “Crap, crap, CRAP! ” Norah jumped on her feet “How? When? ”
“I know you for a long time, puppy dog. ” Emma got up casually “And I know when you enjoy your good music- “ the snow leopard put finger-quotes on good music “-your hand seems to automatically click the like button. ”
“This is not good. ” Norah was frozen from shock.
“Yeah, someone might think you like him. ” Emma said with a grin.
“WHAT? EW, NO! ” Norah even stuck out her tongue in disgust.
“Oh please. ” Emma rolled her eyes.
“What’s that supposed to mean? ” the canine glared at her friend.
“You think I didn’t notice your tail wagging yesterday? ”
“It did not! ” Norah blushed and tried to casually hide her tail, but failed miserably. Emma laughed at her friend.
“It’s okay, you can have him. I’m going for Richard anyway. ”
“EMMA! ” Norah’s blush was showing even beneath her fur.
“Just be gentle when you tell James you don't have the hots for him. He’s such a sweetheart and- ” Emma was pushing it now and she knew it. But, no harm in teasing your BFF right?
“Why you- “ Norah leaped towards her friend but Emma managed to evade and ran out of the locker room. Norah remained the last one “Okay… Calm down. You don’t like that hairless ape. You, Norah Jones, like James, the sexy wolf. ” she took a few deep breaths to calm down “Let’s do this. ” Norah left the locker room, determined to make James fall for her. The canine entered the gym and immediately looked for James. To her dismay, the wolf was talking with Ben and his dodgeball team “Great… ” Norah’s determination fell but didn’t vanish. She approached the circle with confidence.
“What are we going to do today, Mr. B? ” James asked enthusiastically, being one of the many students that liked Ben “I really liked that dodgeball match- “ he noticed Norah approaching “Norah! ” the said canine blushed and stood next to them. Kiki and Mimi hid behind Tim’s bushy tail.
“Hi- “ her voice came out like a squeak and everyone snickered. She cleared her throat and repeated her greeting “Hi James. ” she glanced at Ben who looked indifferent. Norah wanted Ben to see he stood no chance with her “How are you? ”
“I’m great! Mr. B gave me some pointers on how to play dodgeball! ” Norah frowned and turned her attention to Ben.
“Like cheating? ” she asked in an accusing tone.
“It’s called tactics, Miss Jones. ” Ben looked at his team “Isn’t that right, team? ” Norah sent them a glare that rendered them speechless. Well, except Harold who was looking for a snack flying around and didn’t pay much attention “Okay… ” Ben was surprised by how Tim, Kiki and Mimi were scared of Norah. And that gave him an idea “Well, time to get class going. Everybody line up! ” the students followed suit and Norah accidentally stood next to James. She decided she’s not leaving his side for the next 45 minutes. Then again, plans are there to be messed with “Alright, today we’ll be doing simple training exercises. Think of it as my evaluation of your abilities so I can plan out further classes. ” his announcement was met with mixed feelings “Don’t worry, it won’t affect your grades whatsoever and if I hear anyone laughing at someone- “ he gave a stern look to his students “-you will be sent to the principal’s office. ”
“Yeah, right! ” Kovu scoffed at Ben’s threat.
“You want to test me, Mr. Thompson? ” Ben stretched his right fingers, making them crack, and reminded Kovu of his little death grip.
“Whatever… ” Kovu seemed to remember it and backed down.
“First things first, let’s form some groups shall we? ” everyone thought they’re going to choose themselves but then Ben started sorting them out. Everyone groaned at this but once sorted out, they didn’t mind. All except Norah who got stuck with Tim, Mimi and Kiki while James was in a group with Emma, Harold and Ben since their group lacked one more member “Let’s do some simple stretching exercises. ” Ben had intentionally formed the groups himself so the three timid furs could get over their fear of Norah. The plan was not going well. The canine was glaring daggers at Ben for putting her in the same group with these whiners.
“Uh… Umm… Norah? ” Kiki asked timidly, trying not to anger the canine.
“What? ” Norah sharp response made the canary squeal.
“Y-you’re supposed to be helping us stretch. ” Norah narrowed her eyes and Kiki seemed to shrink in place “I-if you want… ” she added quietly and backed off very slowly. Norah took another look at Ben’s group and when she saw Ben helping James stretch, she gritted her teeth. But James, in all his blissful ignorance, gave Norah a big smile and a thumbs-up. Norah sighed and looked at Kiki.
“Fine. ” all three looked at her in disbelief.
“No, no! It’s okay! You can rest while we- “ Mimi began but was cut short.
“Don’t worry , I’m not going to break your bones. ” Norah’s comforting words didn’t help much and the fearful trio backed away “What’s up with you three? ” the canine asked suspiciously.
“You’re scary! ” Tim blurted out, quickly covering his mouth afterwards, and the two girls once again hid behind his tail. Norah just had to laugh.
“Scary? ” she noticed they weren’t laughing “Oh, you’re serious. ”
“And mean! ” Kiki tossed in her own opinion, safely hiding behind Tim’s tail.
“What? I’m not mean! I’m just- “
“Rude! ” Mimi couldn’t resist and Tim was silently saying his prayers since he was the first in the line of fire. The trio was ready for Norah’s famous explosion of anger and closed their eyes in wait of the coming attack. To their surprise, it remained quiet. Against their better judgment, they opened their eyes and looked at Norah who was standing there dumbfounded, her ears flat down.
“You really think that? ” Norah took this hard. Sure, Emma told her these things all the time but being her best friend she didn’t think much of it. Come to think of it, she does hear anthros say she’s scary and all that, but she paid no mind to it. But now she was told to her face she was mean and rude. Could it be true?
“Umm… Yeah… ” Kiki bravely answered Norah’s question. Well, almost bravely.
“What makes you think that? ” the things Norah perceived as normal teenage insults now got serious. She knew who she was and this wasn’t her, was it?
“Well, you don’t really talk with anyone- “ Mimi began but Norah disagreed.
“I do to! ”
“-except Emma. ” the mouse finished and Norah got another realization. She didn’t have any friends besides Emma.
“You snap at anyone who even tries to talk to you. ” Tim joined in.
“No I don’t! ” she said a little louder than intended and quickly covered her maw “Crap… ” Norah shook her head and continued “That’s just the way I talk. ”
“And you’re overall unfriendly. ”Kiki felt like she just signed her death sentence, and even dared to continue “I mean, just look at Emma. ” the canary pointed towards the snow leopard who was having fun with James, Harold and Ben. Emma was friendly with everyone and that’s why everybody liked her. Now all the comments on her account were coming back to her, one of them being why Emma even hung out with her. Why was she anyways?
“So basically, I’m the worst fur at this school? ” Norah was quite saddened by all this.
“We didn’t say that! ” Kiki realized they made Norah feel bad and tried to fix the situation.
“Well you kinda’ did! It’s not my fault I’m the way I am! ” Norah sat on the floor and put her head between her knees. The canines tough exterior was brought down with just a few sentences that really hit home. Mimi decided to help as well and kneeled beside Norah and put a comforting hand on the canines shoulder, pushing the fear of getting her arm ripped off aside.
“Others don’t know that. ” the mouse said gently “We don’t know that. You have to open up some more if you want to make friends. ” Norah raised her head and looked at Mimi “Look, we didn’t say you were a bad fur, or that you’re the worst fur in school and that you need to change to get others to like you. I mean, your best friend is the most popular girl in school, so you can’t be that bad, right? ” Norah thought about it. She always considered herself to be nice, friendly and funny but her rash behavior was part of her shepherd DNA and it looked like others didn’t know that. Her stance and behavior always had that no-nonsense, serious note to it, but she didn’t see it like that. And, deep down, she was a real softy. It was just in her nature and she didn’t know how else to explain it.
“Got any other helpful tips? ” Norah’s genuine question was once again received as rudeness but the canine was quick to realize it “I’m serious. ” she stood up and looked at the trio “Look, I’m not as bad as you all think. I guess it’s just in my nature and I can’t help being who I am. ” Norah looked at Mimi “So, are you gonna’ help me stretch or what? ” this time she tried to sound nice and even smiled at the mouse.
“We’ll work on that. ” Mimi had to laugh and helped Norah with her stretching. For the rest of the class, Norah was amazed at how she got along with Tim, Mimi and Kiki. They were talking about all sorts of things, laughing, joking around and she actually had a good time. Norah was surprised when Ben announced the end of PE class and said goodbye to her newfound friends.
“Had a good time, Miss Jones? ” Norah got startled by Ben’s sudden appearance.
“This was your plan all along? ” she asked with a raised brow.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. ” Ben answered with a knowing smile. His little plan worked.
“Oh please. ” Norah rolled her eyes in annoyance but her smile gave away her true feelings “It was fun though. ” she had to admit that much.
“Well, I’m glad you had fun. ” Ben patted her shoulder, not thinking much of it, but Norah felt a sudden rush of heat to her face and her tail wanted to wag uncontrollably “I’ll see you in music class, Miss Jones. ” with that, Ben left and Norah stormed towards the locker room, her tail no longer under her control.
Norah sat down in her usual spot during music class, deep in thought. The canine had to process all the information she attained today and find out what it meant. More precisely, why did Ben’s touch made her feel warm and nice? Last she checked, Norah didn’t want any human near her let alone touching her. Why was this one different?
“Good morning class! ” Norah was snapped out of her thoughts once Ben entered.
“Morning Mr. B! ” the entire class, minus the confused Norah, greeted together. Ben went to his desk to sit down.
“Since we learned about classical music last time- “ Ben was about to sit down but winced in pain halfway.
“You okay, Mr. B? ” James asked worriedly and Ben smiled.
“Just a little indigestion Mr. McQueen- “ Ben gave Norah a quick look, the canine scratched her nose in embarrassment “-nothing to be worried about. Now, where were we? ” a certain snow leopard knew the answer.
“Classical music Mr. B! ” Norah looked at her friend in surprise who just smiled in return.
“Right! Thank you Miss Roberts. ” Emma nodded in response “As you all know, there’s a school dance coming up and- “ everyone cheered and clapped “Yeah, yeah, party hard but not this year. ” his statement was met with confusion “This year, the first dance will have a theme. ” students be discussing among themselves what the theme could be “And you guessed it- “ Ben turned on the radio on his desk and waltzing music was heard “-it’s going to be classic. ” everyone groaned at this revelation and declared that the first school dance will suck “Are you kidding me? ” Ben stood up and got everyone’s attention “Anyone can dance around to techno, drink all night and then pass out in the gutter. I should know, I did it last weekend. ” his little joke, albeit true, caused a few laughs “But believe me, not everyone can dress-up nice and dance elegantly through the night. ” his students were looking at him in confusion “Just imagine it, girls in beautiful dresses, boys actually wearing a suit for once, soft music playing in the background. It’s not so much of dance as a ball. ” the girls could certainly imagine it. Beautiful dresses, elegant dancing, being able to actually talk with their date and dance properly, not just flail around to loud music in a drunken stupor “In light of that, principal Dreiberg has asked me to teach you how to dance. ” Ben turned off the radio.
“We already know that Mr. B! ” one bull morph said and began, well, dancing in his seat “Shake that booty baby! ” the class laughed at his antics.
“Then by all means, Mr. O’Neill, come on up and shake that booty for us. ” Ben’s response got the boy quiet and the class laughing some more “Come now, don’t be shy. ” Ben was smirking at the boy who refused to move “Help our volunteer here with a round of applause will you? ” the entire class began clapping, including Norah who found all this very amusing, and the bull anthro actually got up.
“Let me show ya’ how it’s done! ” he got in front of the class and was ready to bring it on “In West Philadelphia, born and- “
“Whoa there, Prince. ” Ben interrupted his dance routine “Not that kind of dancing. ” the class almost fell from their chairs from laughter when Ben grabbed the boy by his arms and got them ready for a waltz “I mean this kind. ” O’Neill was red as a tomato “Just follow my lead, okay? ” they both looked down to see their feet “And one, two, three, ow. One, two, three, ow. One, two, ow, wow you’re really not good at this. ” Ben let go and O’Neill rushed back to his seat, his face completely red “A big applause for Two Left Feet here everyone! ” the class obliged and O’Neill sank further into his seat “Don’t get discouraged, Mr. O’Neill, waltz is not as easy as it looks. You need good coordination from you and your dance partner. ” Ben looked at his students “Does anyone here know how to waltz? ” no reply “Really? Nobody? This will make my job much harder than- “
“Norah knows! ” the canine almost ripped Emma’s head off for ratting her out. But it was true, Norah was a great dancer.
“Miss Jones, may I have this dance? ” Ben bowed curtly and all the girls awed. Norah, for some reason, looked at Mimi for advice and when the mouse nodded in approval, Norah got up and received a round of applause. Suffice to say Ben was surprised she didn’t say no and instead casually got up and joined him for the dance. They got into position.
“Don’t try anything funny. ” she whispered, feeling a blush creeping on.
“Wouldn’t dream of it. ” he whispered back and then looked at the class “Let’s hope my toes survive this. ” the class laughed and Norah suppressed the urge to step on his toes right this moment. Instead, she stuck out her tongue mockingly and left it at that. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Mimi approving on her choice. The two were ready “And once more, one, two, three… ” one of the students near the radio stealthily let the music play and as it turns out, Ben could dance too, and pretty well at that. Norah let him lead so his manliness wouldn’t get hurt, but his skill was unquestionable. He made her feel like she really was attending a ball. Once assessing their skills, they began with more advanced and other dance moves, like simple pirouettes and leans. This was the first time Ben’s class saw real dancing. Norah, on the other hand, was trying not to let her face get more redder than it already was and also figure out why she was like this in the first place. Was Emma right? Did she really like Ben and not James? No, of course not, she despised humans and Ben was no exception. Or was he? Lately she’s had a lot of contact with him and even learned something about him. Did that change her mind? Was Ben really a one in a million? And when she thought about it, James was just eye candy. She felt nothing special for him, right? This was all too much for her to process at the moment so she stopped mid-dance “Miss Jones? ”
“I don’t feel so good… I need some air. ” Norah left the classroom in a hurry and everyone else wondering what happened.
“Wait up! ” Emma saw her friend was distressed and she ran out after her, Ben not saying a word against it. Norah was quick on her feet but Norah was too fast even for her. The school was a big place and Emma needed a couple of minutes to find her friend. Norah was sitting beneath a tree in the garden behind the tree, her head between her knees “Norah? Are you okay? ” Emma asked and carefully sat next to her friend.
“No… ” the canine mumbled and raised her head. Emma could clearly see Norah’s blush even underneath her fur covered face. Then Emma smirked.
“What’s wrong? ” she didn’t even need to ask. Emma knew what it was.
“I… ” Norah couldn’t bring herself to say it “I think… ” even after processing so much in such a short time, the conclusion was clear “I think I… “
“Oh just spit it out already! ” Emma wanted to hear it.
“I have a crush on Ben! Okay? Happy? ” after her outburst, Norah returned her head between her knees and sighed heavily. Emma hugged her friend and smiled contently.
“Aww! My little baby is growing up. ”
A/N
That self-confession was pretty fast don’t you think? Don’t worry, more explanations in the next chapter.
Seems to me that if I publish chapters too fast I get less views xD Oh well…
I would value your opinion on this chapter so leave a comment or a vote or a beer. Anything is fine with me. Except fish.
See ya’ next chapter!
And thank you very much for your support :D
THE GOOD
I like your writing style. It feels easy going and calm, and although I personally dont prefer uniting a fictional modern day scenario with non-fictional modern day scenario (Less in this chapter, more so in the two prior), I can say it holds together well. I like how youve staggered the speech of your characters. It makes it far easier to read and a bit more pleasing to the eye. I like how you havent chalked this up into a rushed "20 seconds to yiff" and are actually developing everything in the story. In fact, Im still debating on whether or not yiff is even in the future here. Which is a good thing. Keep me guessing!
THE LOOSELY TERMED BAD
I think the only things I personally dislike about the story thus far is the small details. Ben's age being 22 and a teacher doesnt feel realistic to me, for example. A little bit of cliche in the whole "student starting off hating the teach, then growing to love". And the aforementioned use of real characters and mascots and songs in a fictional modern day theme. Those are really the only dislikes I have, but I only mention them due to the fact that I am writing what I hope to be an informative and honest critique. I can certainly suppress my disdain for these items when the overall series is turning out to be very good.
THE INSERTED UGLY BIAS
Expand! I like how youve fleshed out Norah, I like how youre keeping Ben a mystery while slowly building up to revealing more and more of him. But play around with James or Emma or Kovu a bit more. Bring in some third party conflict into the mix and see where it takes you! Id love to see a few more curve balls thrown in here that keep me on the edge of my seat and guessing what happens next, and who doesnt love a bit of inter-personal drama (Especially since theyre high schoolers)? Just tossing some ideas out here to see if you cant push shit story to the next level. Especially seeing as how youre only halfway through the week now!
Keep up the excellent writing, and dont let my ramblings change anything you have planned. I want to see you finish this the way you envision it,and know ill be waiting for each chapter as theyre released.
4/5 chicken nuggets, with the fifth dangling just out of reach until the rest of the series is completed.
T-F-T-W
The good
First of all thank you very much! Now, mixing reality and fiction (music, events, hidden references that I fear no one but me gets) is something that I feel gives the story some... How should I put it? Connectivity? It makes me feel the story is more real than fiction and in that way I can approach writing it with the easy going and calm tone for my style. I don't know how much my explanation helped. Next, I've read many stories where writers, for some reason, hate pressing ENTER. And yes, it't much easier to read like this and that's what I'm going for. I remember one story from FanFiction where the entire chapter was one big, and I mean BIG, paragraph with speech, descriptions and everything. Lastly, "20 seconds to Mars" reference or? And that was my goal overall. My story Pokemorph Adventures has is for yiff but, believe it or not, it does have a big story line behind it with more than it just being about a Pokemorph harem. Read it if you have some free time. It's very... Relaxing.
Loosely termed bad
Don't we live in a world where most of FF characters are some sort of cliche? And yes, I am very well aware of that and things will be explained in the story of how Ben came to be a teacher, the reason for joining the army, why he hated anthros, why Norah hated humans and so much more! I also think I'll have to solve a mystery from earlier chapter comments: is James perhaps gay? I got no idea.
Inserted ugly bias
Think of this as a prologue story where we get to meet the two main characters and learn something about them. Come next Monday (in the story) is where things get high-school-ish.
Fifth star once I complete the complete series? I'm 'a so screwed...
Once again, thank you very much for your honest review! :D
Ill say, it never even crossed my mind to think of James as homosexual. I just pictured him as the unwitting middle man in this whole fiasco....but....wow. The implications of that just hit me. Looking forward to see him fleshed out even more now,whichever way he swings.
I have to say, I didnt expect a full response to my comments but i appreciate it. You may have the 5th chicken nugget for the extra work, but that means you only get a sixth when the storys done :P Till then, if you feel you want some input from a second party, feel free to shoot me a message.
T-F-T-W