Type: Prose

Length: 350-500

Description: There is no war in Ba Sing Se: write an article for a periodical that at face value relates a certain event or advances a certain position, but can also be understood to relay the opposite of what it textually says. Include an anthropomorphic setting or characters.

Due: 24/09/04

DIFFICULTIES IN DUNGEON

The Ministry for Public Works and Landmarks (MPWL) yesterday released a memorandum concerning the status of Dwyer Falls Dungeon. In it, they addressed the recent closure of the dungeon, which was a popular adventuring spot for locals, and gave a timeline for its expected reopening. According to the memo, the dungeon was closed due to “unsafe levels of methane and carbon monoxide”, which have led to, among other things, “increased numbers of visitor deaths, rampant hallucinations, and even localized ground tremors” affecting not just the vicinity of the dungeon but also the nearby town of Dwyer Falls. To address these concerns, the MPWL “is dispatching teams of geomancers, alchemists, and rangers to assess the situation and take much-needed measures”. The MPWL further assures citizens that the presence of rangers “is not indicative of an impending monster outbreak,” and that rangers “are an essential part of any modern maintenance outfit.” The dungeon is scheduled to reopen after 90 days – that is, on 29 Aperture.

For the past month, Dwyer Falls Dungeon has been plagued by problems such as crumbling infrastructure, large monster sightings, and an abnormally high discorporation rate. In the week of 8-15 Fructis alone, the local Resurrection Bureau reported 24 character-deaths, all from the lower three levels of the dungeon – a marked increase from the monthly average of 14.5 character-deaths. The town of Dwyer Falls has not been spared either; 215 creature sightings were made in the months of Regolith and Fructis, and in late Regolith, two children were abducted while berry-picking near the woods. The MPWL denies that this incident has anything to do with dungeon monsters, saying that “dungeon monsters fill a specific niche in an already highly developed ecosystem, and it is implausible that they would travel miles out of their natural habitat to hunt.” This has not discouraged locals from starting protests over what they believe is urban disregard for their concerns. On 21 Fructis, a protest near the town hall turned violent, necessitating the deployment of the King’s Guard and the imposition of martial law over Dwyer Falls Township.

The MPWL has advised all intending visitors to cancel their travel plans or postpone them by 90 days at the least. Travellers to Dwyer Falls will be refused entry unless carrying a notarized affidavit of good conduct, a recently issued sheriff’s clearance certificate, and a travel permit from the Ministry of Roads attesting their purpose in the town.

Final word count: 404