Alternate title: My friends are fucked up.

Soooo, ladyscience and krafey/how_low_am_i have gotten a 'complimentary' e-copy of the delightful novel Fifty Shades of Gray, a BDSM romance novel that began its life as a Twilight fanfic. A non-parody fanfic, in fact. Hey, tens of thousands of bored, Vicodin-addicted housewives can't be wrong, can they?

Anyway, in their wisdom (term used as loosely as possible), my friends (also used as loosely as possible) have decided that this book needs to be read. Together, of course, because pain shared is pain...shared...or something. Misery loves company. Some shit like that. So, starting next week (I think?), we will be reading Fifty Shades of Gray. And discussing it. By 'discussion,' I'm guessing that we'll mostly be bitching and talking about WTF?!? THIS GOT PUBLISHED?!? AND OPTIONED?!?, but, hey. There could be something approaching literary merit there.

Who knows? Stranger things have happened!

And again, because misery loves company, I'm offering this possibility to you, gentle reader. Do you find it impossible to look away from a trainwreck and/or resist a double-dog dare over the internet? Do you find yourself wishing you were dumber, so that you could better interact with the jackasses around you? Is booze no longer killing the pain? Do you like complimentary e-books? Would you like to join us in reading and discussing a possible (but not likely) literary masterwork? If any of these things are true, you should join our e-read along!

Please? Please? DON'T MAKE US READ THIS ALONE!

[Moving over to Dreamwidth. Catch me over there as booksomewench. This entry cross-posted to both sites. Feel free to comment here or there.]

So, tonight shogunhb and I cuddled up together to spent the evening watching TV as we are wont to do. While going through our Netflix options, I judged a movie by its cover. "Journey to Promethea?" says I. "That movie looks awful!"

Never have I been so prophetic.

So of course, shogunhb has to go and read the info about it, because he has a love for terrible movies that I cannot comprehend. He points out that Billy Zane is in this movie and "he's a cool dude." I point out that we just passed another movie of Billy Zane's where EVEN THE NETFLIX WRITE-UP called it soft-core porn. "We all make mistakes in our youth. The gracious thing to to is ignore other people's. Let's move on."

shogunhb points out the movie was made in 2010. Now there is nothing we can do but watch it.



Did you just watch that? Suckers. But, really, the trailer is BETTER THAN THE MOVIE. And it lies. Billy Zane doesn't star in it, and he certainly doesn't ever wield a sword like in the poster. Those are lies, to make you think you want to see this film. Trust me, you don't.

( I must share the awful with you now. Contains spoilers. YOU SHOULD NOT CARE, AS CARING SUGGESTS YOU MIGHT WATCH THIS MOVIE ONE DAY.Collapse )

And you can watch the best part of the movie right here:



This moving was awful. Not even "so bad it wrapped around to being good" just straight up awful. That being said, the scenes with Billy Zane in them are AMAZING and if you want to watch the movie for them, I can respect that. Just fast forward through the rest. Honestly, it was so bad that once Talia got killed, shogunhb stopped making us watch the scenes with the scantily clad girls in them. Though the training montage is cut with King Billy Zane's throne room where he is tragically suffering ennui while some girl belly-dances. We did get to stop and watch most of that.

Anyway, these are King Billy Zane's last lines in the movie. We're figuring he had a few others, but they were cut, unable to compare with the unadulterated awesome that was this last scene. Again, he speaks with the voice of the audience, cutting through bullshit, wanting to know how his people are so incompetent, offering workable solutions...Listen to your king, Billy Zane. He's a cool dude.

So, touchthesoul linked to this blog on Facebook, where the author is reading the Hunger Games trilogy for the first time, completely blind. And his very first chapter review reminded me of something I'd thought of when I first read the trilogy and had forgotten, caught up with everything else.

There're these two throw-away lines:

Electrified or not, the fence has been successful at keeping the flesh-eaters out of District 12. Inside the woods they roam freely, and there are added concerns like venomous snakes, rabid animals, and no real paths to follow.

We never fully understand the cataclysm that destroyed North America and gave rise to Panem. Reading that, I had assumed zombies. Technically, flesh-eaters could just mean carnivorous animals, but I think it would be awesome if there had been a zombie subplot. Think about it. The Capitol rising to such a position of power because they had the tech to keep the Districts safe. People voluntarily subjugating themselves to keep themselves safe from the zombie hordes. Sure, there are other ways this could have happened, but given how zombies are relevant to my interests, I'd like to think it was that way.

Think of how they could be used in the Arena, too. A very dangerous obstacle, because even the slightest bite could kill a Tribute, causing them to rise again and take down others. People might have to work together to finish off the zombie threat because, honestly, enough of them are more dangerous than any one or two of the Tributes. Add that to the other dangers inherent in the Arena and wow. Mindblowing terror there.

At least for me, anyway.

Regarding the review itself, I find myself liking Mark quite a lot. He focuses on a lot of the things I find fascinating: class, gender identity, history,

Some of the quotes I related to:

-...it’s like all of you who suggested this to me knew I get weak in the knees for stories about systematic oppression, rebellion, and the demonization of poverty.

-I’m interesting to see how this sort of gender interplay will flesh out, considering that we’re dealing with a female character who eschews most of the tropes of a female hero. (Though…is she a female hero trope herself? More on that as I read more of this.) I’m also wondering how the use of television is going to play out as well.

-I lived a large part of my life in poverty and Katniss’s story, which is way worse than anything I ever experience, still resonated pretty heavy with me. I know what it’s like to have hunger pains and to feel nothing but an intense jealousy when you see other people who are better off than you.

-she’s been hardened into a young woman who knows that expressions of emotions are signs of weakness in her society. I will say that I enjoy that there’s no real demonization of femininity, at least not yet. There’s no one (yet) in this story who strips Katniss of her womanhood for how she acts and behaves. I sort of expected that because that tends to happen in fantasy and adventure stories with a strong female lead. But here, she’s a woman and it’s uncontested. I dig it.

-Fuck this sort of “dignified” classism, by the way.

-I do love that Katniss seems to be doing what our society might consider “masculine” things (which is bullshit, by the way) and doesn’t ever seem to make her out to be less of a woman. It’s just who she is

-We learn about how the tributes are prepared for the opening ceremony by a group of stylists whose main inspiration for design is cultural appropriation.

-I like the juxtaposition present in the two cultures and how Collins makes sure that Katniss seems offended by how bizarre this all is. It’s even weirder for her because of the way they deal with her body...

-I want to read into this a sharp commentary on the absurdity of fashion, especially fashion aimed at cultural exploitation and appropriation, but I fear I’m being a bit too harsh. Still, it’s a horrifying concept, that people in the Capitol can view hardships and suffering as a method for dressing their tributes.

-I hate this sort of self-congratulatory shittery. Not only are you wrong about the science, but you’re doing that well-intentioned condescension thing that privileged people do when they think they’re doing you a service by insulting you. NO, YOU ARE NOT. Go away, Effie.

All of this from just his first six chapter reviews. For the longest time, I was unsure of Mark's gender identity. His name is male, but the reviews really 'read' like a woman had written them. Until he referred to himself as 'boy' in a later review, I honestly had no idea. Whether that says more about me or him or society at large that I read gender from words on a page, I'm not sure, but, either way I'm really impressed with his take on a lot of issues. I'm looking forward to going back and reading more of his reviews.

( Uh, yeah. Here there be spoilersCollapse )

So, your thoughts?

Now that I have read it twice, I feel I can discuss Anne Bishop's latest novel, Shalador's Lady. A direct sequel to The Shadow Queen, review here, (okay, less of a review and more just me squealing like a crazy squealing thing), Shalador's Lady is primarily set in Terreille, two years after Jaenelle unleashed the Witchstorm that eradicated the tainted Blood (Queen of the Darkness). This book follows Cassidy as she continues to try to be the Queen Dena Nehele needs after losing half the Blood to the Witchstorm and half of what remained to a violent landen uprising. (Go landens!)

I loved this book for lots of reasons, most of which will have to go under a cut to spare those who haven't read the book yet (hurry up!), but first I have to get out some non-cut squeeing:

OMG!!! THERE'S MORE KARLA! KARLA MAKES AN APPEARANCE AND SHE'S AWESOME AND SHE'S BITCHY TO PEOPLE AND HEALS AND CAUSES AN EXPLOSION AND IT'S KARLA YAYZ!!!

Ahem. ( Further Karla squeeing within. Probable spoiler warningCollapse )

( For those of you actually interested in the plot...SPOILERSCollapse )

As expected, the book was fun and good. Bishop manages to weave the old, familiar, and beloved characters in with the new story with new people, so we never feel cheated (except for the lack of Karla). I love the sides of society that she's showing us, because her world just keeps getting richer and deeper and I love that. At the end, I end up really wanting to follow what happens to Kermilla, so kudos to her on that, too.

Unsurprisingly, 5/5 stars

Also known as: shadowravyn has Opinions (news at 11).

So, touchthesoul, who is made of awesome and great, posted this video on her LJ. I, of course, love Glee, and had to watch it. However, watching it, I became aware (or, perhaps 'more aware' is a better term) of two things:

1. I am not pleased with the way they are portraying homosexuality in Glee, and

2. I really, really hate this song.

Go ahead, watch the video. I'll wait.


(for the record, I still love Glee, this character on Glee, and this video for what it sets up for Glee.)

Let the rants begin! (Didn't y'all miss these during my summer hiatus?)

( Glee and the gaysCollapse )

I freely admit, I may be asking for too much from the kind of show Glee is. And I'm not trying to say that I dislike Kurt or the fact that he is 'lady-fabulous.' I just want more than what I'm getting--which is, admittedly, third-episode characterization in an ensemble show on Fox.

...And it looks like I'll have to save my rant on the myth that marriage is the ultimate goal of any romantic relationship for another day. Grr arrg.

Fragile Eternity (which, now having read it, makes so much sense as a title) ends not-quite-abruptly. Don't get me wrong, the ending is smooth and well-paced, but Fragile Eternity is pretty much just setting up for whatever book comes next. And damn. Whatever book comes next is going to be AWESOME.

This wasn't a giggle-book though. There were no happy, giggly moments between Ash and Seth. There was just conflict, conflict, and more conflict. Bananach, the epitome of war, stalks through this book, and you can see her trails, overlaying the other characters, even when she's far away. And the court dynamics between Niall, Donia, Keenan, and Ash are also quite good. I hate to say it, but I would so root for the Dark and Winter Courts--not if this could affect 'the real world,' but they're so awesome and Keenan's such a douche.

And, in this book, Keenan makes (what I hope) is a fatal mistake with Ash.

Even though I said this book feels like mostly set up for what happens next, it doesn't really have that feeling until a couple of chapters before the end, when you realized that nothing can be resolved by the time you run out of pages. It's very dramatic, very intense, and oh-so-good.

This book was from Seth's POV, which, on the one hand was awesome because he's Seth and just a really great character, but on the other, I kinda liked the mystery he was in Wicked Lovely. He doesn't suffer from the Jaenelle-Syndrome, but he comes close.

4.5</i>

So, apparently this week was "Read Really Bad P&P Sequels" week. I wish I'd known that ahead of time. Of course, to be fair, these two books could have been part of a contest; a "Who Can Write the Most OOC Fitzwilliam Darcy EVAR." If that's true...then I'm kinda at a loss at judging who won. On the one hand, Altman had Darcy doing several completely outrageous things; her Darcy's actions were far more unbelievable. On the other hand, Lathan's Darcy was more consistently OOC, throughout the book.

Let's just dive right in, shall we?

The Darcys and the Bingleys, Marsha Altman

I had read this on the ride home from Lunacon, hoping it would serve as a palate cleanser for Twilight. While it was certainly funny in a way Twilight could never be (ie deliberately), with a few genuine laugh-out-loud moments, I was fairly disappointed.

( In which I recount the ways Darcy is transformed into someone else.Collapse )

All that nonsense aside, this book is actually going to get a decent grade. It amused me, which was its main purpose, and, like I said, Altman somehow manages to get the characters completely right even as she gets them completely wrong. It's a fast read, and would be an decent book with (some better editing) and her own Regency characters. I do find it telling that this book has its origins on fanfiction.net (talk about "Fandom as a Job!"), which I discovered at the end of the book. I'm not saying that to be impugn it or the author (hell, I'm on ff.net), but it clarified why I had certain problems with the book. She makes a lot of the same mistakes that fanfic authors often do (painful transitions, inserting drama for drama's own sake, OOC characters...).

2.5 stars (Mostly cause I LOL'd a few times.)

Of the two, that was the better book.

I don't know if I even have the energy for this one, but I'll try. Mr. and Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy: Two Shall Become One, Sharon Lathan.

The title should have warned me.

Anyway, this Darcy (or William, as Elizabeth almost always calls him, which caused me to shudder every time I saw it) doesn't do anything wildly OOC. There's no excessive drinking, no tossing people out the window, no giving anyone "The Idiot's Guide to Sex." No, for the most part, he rides around, oversees his estate, and spends tons of time making passionate love to Elizabeth.

This is like a very poor version of Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife (which, I know a number of folks on my f-list hate, but I think is wonderful.) The similarities are staggering: for one, it's published by the same company and even has the same jacket design, down to the font; Darcy and Elizabeth can't keep their hands off of each other and have to have sex several times every day; general opinion is against Elizabeth until there is a party where she can charm everyone with her wit and humor; she nearly gets sexually assaulted and gets hurt badly; Darcy is forced to Take Violent Action...it's like Lathan read Berdoll, and then wrote poorly-imitated fanfiction about it. And all this in 5 and a half months of marriage! Berdoll's book at least spanned years! Five years, actually, if I'm remembering correctly...

( I could have lived without the line '...such as the year Lizzy's birth sac burst while kissing her husband under the kissing bough...'Collapse )

To be honest, it was sheer stubbornness that kept me reading until the end.I think the two crowning touches were a) discovering that her inspiration for the book was based on the Keira Knightly movie (not even the BBC miniseries, GAWD), which explains some inconsistencies with Austen's novel (though she does claim to have read it), and b) all the Biblical and religious references "scattered" were put in there deliberately. Sweetheart, if you want to honor Jesus, your Rock and Creator, do it with fewer subtle-as-a-brick-in-the-face allusions, and with more instances of better writing. I would put this book above The Blonde Geisha and Mad Kestrel, but not by much.

Forgive me for including lots of quotes and not much analysis, but I have learned that there are times when it's best to let the evidence do the talking for you.
1 star by virtue of me being able to finish it.

The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare

The Winter's Tale is one of Shakespeare's lesser-known plays; though still popular, it isn't one the Big Comedies, Tragedies, or Histories. The Winter's Tale is one of his romances, a genre that appeared much later in his career. The most famous of these is The Tempest (which, y'know, I'm just not really all that fond of), but it also includes Pericles, Prince of Tyre; Cymbeline, and occasionally The Two Noble Kinsmen. While romance does have a role in these plays (most of them ending in engagement or a wedding, as proper comedies ought), they focus more around familial relationships that romantic ones. Prevalent are themes of reunion and redemption/forgiveness, brought about, oddly enough, by the existence of a daughter (Miranda in The Tempest, Perdita in The Winter's Tale, Marina in Pericles, Prince of Tyre). These were all written around the time Shakespeare married off his elder daughter Susanna, so there may be a bit of sentimentality in there for being absent so often during his children's childhoods. For the record, this is me speculating wildly--though if there's any relevent scholarship out there, feel free to point me to it.

Anyway, the romances have a few other themes in common. First of all, they all involve magic and fantastic elements which results in a big old deus ex machina at the end. Second, they also introduce the idea of tragicomedy. These aren't bright, happy romances where everything is wonderful, unicorns shoot rainbows from their horns, and the only strife is who beat who in the hugging contest (though, for the record, not even the happiest of Shakespeare's comedies are like that). Even when bad things happen in comedies, you know that it's all going to work out in the end. You don't ever forget you're reading a comedy. In the beginning of these plays, it's really easy to assume that you're reading a tragedy. These romances feature deaths, injustices, and have plotlines that even the happy marriages at the end cannot entirely wipe away. He raises some dark and profound issues--in the end of The Winter's Tale, for example, sure everyone's happy and reunited, but you can't forget that sixteen long years of separation have gone by, that Mamillius and Antigonus are still dead and Hermione's too old to bear children again.

( The Winter's Tale does have the best stage direction EVAR: 'Exit, pursued by a bear'Collapse )

So this is the play I intend to turn into a Gothic novel. It's got almost all the requisite elements in there already--which is why it's so entertaining. Even those that it doesn't have will be easy enough to slip in. I'm very much looking forward to writing it. As for the play, it's difficult to read, which is probably why it isn't more popular, but it's funny and interesting. It doesn't develop the same emotional attachment that the Tragedies do, but it easily stands toe-to-toe with any of the Comedies.

4.5 stars

The Temptation of the Night Jasmine, Lauren Willig

In my review of the previous book, The Seduction of the Crimson Rose (that book, like this one, is not as tawdry as the title would have you believe), I gave the background for the whole series, so you may wish to read the first two paragraphs of that if you're feeling lost.

Anyway, The Temptation of the Night Jasmine centers around Charlotte Lansdowne, a secondary character who's been mentioned once or twice in the other books, being friends with some of the previous heroines. I really like Charlotte; she's a daydreamer and voracious reader, which, y'know, I can get behind. She's not as feisty or snarky as some of the previous heroines, though she does have a spark in her, especially after the hero, Robert, acts like a giant ass, and she lets him have it. She's also not a 'heroine' the same way the other girls have been; most of them are very much of the "I've got my pistol in my reticule, let's chase down that carriage!" persuasion. Considering this is a series about spies, it makes sense. Charlotte, even though she's caught up in intrigue and whatnot, would really rather be by a warm fire, reading, than tramping through the cold English countryside searching for the bad guys. I actually enjoyed this, as a change of pace. For one, she's not cut out for the spy business, knows this and accepts it, and yet, when duty to king and country call (and I mean that quite literally), she does what she has to. She doesn't enjoy it, but she rises to the challenge, and since she is very smart, is integral to foiling the plot and saving the day. It's a nice blend of messages; kinda "Normal girls deserve love, too" mixed with "Normal girls, when put in extraordinary circumstances, can even surprise themselves."

( Charlotte's favorite book is Evelina. I knew I liked herCollapse )

I'm still really enjoying the series, but I wish that Willig would go back to the first few books to capture that same excitement and 'realism' (such as it was) that she had in The Secret History of the Pink Carnation and The Masque of the Black Tulip. And I want her to focus more on the Pink Carnation--even though she's too busy spying on Napoleon to have a real romance centered on her, she's awesome enough to deserve a major role in other people's books. She's honestly one of the smartest characters I've read in a good long while. But, yeah, The Temptation of the Night Jasmine is a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to the next installment of the series.

4 stars