{"@attributes":{"version":"2.0"},"channel":{"title":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/","description":"seriouslymegan - LiveJournal.com","lastBuildDate":"Mon, 19 Jan 2026 22:17:29 GMT","generator":"LiveJournal \/ LiveJournal.com","image":{"url":"https:\/\/l-userpic.livejournal.com\/127162619\/77216566","title":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/","width":"100","height":"100"},"item":[{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313521.html","pubDate":"Mon, 19 Jan 2026 22:17:29 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313521.html","description":"

I feel sick to my stomach.. I have little to no tolerance for hearing about it processing events currently.. I really only have the capacity for work. Idk how I\u2019m supposed to go back to school.

Work itself has been exhausting.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313521.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313229.html","pubDate":"Sat, 01 Nov 2025 19:04:33 GMT","title":"Blue","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313229.html","description":"

I\u2019m feeling very bored and aimless today. Which is fine in theory but lately I\u2019ve really been enjoying doing different task or projects so not really feeling interested in anything is tiresome. I do need a shower and would like to do a bit of laundry.

I also haven\u2019t eaten much today so that\u2019s probably a factor.

In general, I\u2019ve also been feeling disconnected and discontent. Thinking along the lines of \u201cI don\u2019t really like people\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t really like being around people.\u201d I\u2019m not sure what to make of it. I think public life in America just feels like an unpleasant and unwelcoming place. I avoid thinking about ICE and being engaged with what\u2019s going on. Then feel guilty about not being active in some way while also feeling hopeless. The pressure is crushing, and I don\u2019t want to live in this country honestly. I also have absolutely no idea where I would want to be.

I did decide to increase my antidepressant. *sighs* Our hospital is narrowing our coverage, increasing our deductibles, and taking away student loan reimbursement. But still expect people to go back for their BSN\u2013namely, me. Smh.. I feel sad, and nauseous. The anticipation of the holidays is probably also a factor. It\u2019s always busy and I don\u2019t get to see Jess as often cause of traveling etc.

I\u2019m planning to go home for Thanksgiving and I think that\u2019ll be nice. It feels good getting to see my mom and siblings. I do have to get plane tickets still and find a swap for one more shift.

I\u2019m gonna try to eat something and shower.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313229.html?view=comments#comments","category":["dreary","nauseous","disconnected","sad"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313045.html","pubDate":"Mon, 07 Jul 2025 01:07:43 GMT","title":"Going back to therapy","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/313045.html","description":"

I\u2019m going to be starting therapy with a new person this week and I\u2019m equal parts excited and nervous. I\u2019m looking forward to having space to process and think through things but also feel nervous that talking about things is going to make them harder. I am looking forward to it though, and happy to have access to it.

My mom came to visit last week and that was good. I miss being near her and my siblings\u2026 She started getting teary when she was leaving and it surprised me. It makes me sad to think about it. She\u2019s so sweet and I\u2019m so thankful that I get to have time with her that isn\u2019t compromised by my dad.

I\u2019m sleepy and don\u2019t want to get myself all upset since I need to go to bed soon so I\u2019ll pause here.<\/p>\n

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I started writing this last night<\/s> a couple nights ago\u2014-I\u2019m on an upward trend with my mood thankfully. We had backyard Pride on Sunday and it was nice to get to enjoy the sun and have gays and theys around. Got to meet a couple new people and Bella got to come since it got postponed a day which was so so nice. \ud83e\udd70 I\u2019ll try to remember to attach pictures to this post.

Mom\u2019s coming to visit soon so I looked up some pick your own flowers places so we can go do that. :) I want to look for some other stuff to do as well. Mom and Jess are also gonna come with me to check out a mobile home I have been considering off and on for a while so that\u2019ll be cool.

I made plans with one of my co-workers to go check out this lot we saw for sale. Idk how viable it is but it\u2019d be cool to go see and just get some information\/experience. Along those lines, I learned about a queer co-housing FB page and joined that. I\u2019m feeling really excited that other people are thinking about\/interested in multifamily living situations.

\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014

I worked Wednesday and Thursday night. I managed to schedule a new patient appointment with an NP and a dentist visit as well. I was feeling really glad about it but now I\u2019m mostly worried about if the PCP will actually be covered by my network or not. The \u201cfind a provider\u201d tool is grossly unhelpful. But whatever\u2013I\u2019m over my heat intolerance and need to figure it out.<\/p>\n

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I\u2019ve been having a couple really down days. I spiraled the other day cause I\u2019m feeling.. Like if\/when Jess and Michelle decide to move I just won\u2019t get a say. I won\u2019t get to be included in the conversation at all cause they\u2019re married and I just don\u2019t get a say. Jess said she wants me to be included and I\u2019m like it\u2019s really irrelevant if you want me to be included. It\u2019s more of the affirmative \u201cOf course you will be included\u201d that I\u2019m looking for. It\u2019s the saying vs. the doing.

I also just don\u2019t feel like she gets it. She\u2019s trying to understand but idk how else to explain it. I\u2019m very happy with our relationship, I love how we complement each other and we have a lot of emotional intimacy. My PDA just flares at the idea of not getting a choice. I don\u2019t want that.

I wish I lived closer to my siblings and like people I\u2019ve known for a long time. But I also don\u2019t want to work in FL. And I like the seasons. .. It\u2019s just hard being away and not having that support.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/312366.html?view=comments#comments","category":["married","hierarchy","moving","poly"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/312290.html","pubDate":"Sat, 07 Jun 2025 21:04:43 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/312290.html","description":"

I\u2019m having a hard time today. I feel stuck and just generally kind of trapped as it relates to housing and cost of living. Plus despondent about\u2026 Everything about American politics? And the genocide in Palestine. I originally came to muse about the idiosyncrasies of being an introvert and not liking very many people, but also liking people in general and wanting ease and comfort and good things for them. I want community but also I don\u2019t want to be around anyone. lol.

I also realized today that like.. The Dems painting people who voted for Trump as racists is such a convenient way to sew division. The trick of Republicans is praying on racial anxieties, and the trick of Democrats is virtue signaling so that we can feel good about not voting for a racist while still electing people who have funded genocide\u2026 The political parties are captured on all sides by corporate interests and billionaires. Trump is a racist piece of shit but his popularity was born out of Democrats\u2019 failure to actually represent the people. Anti-establishment won out. All Dems have is virtue signaling and identity politics\u2013because the party doesn\u2019t actually fucking do anything to improve people\u2019s lives. Not the lives of the many anyway.

So I want to help create a space where people can live and be comfortable but that\u2019s proving to be a challenge. And I\u2019m honestly not highly resilient against red tape. Which feels like a character flaw but it\u2019s true. lol. I meet red tape and want to take a flame thrower to it. The side stepping and cutting is exhausting.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/312290.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311952.html","pubDate":"Sat, 01 Mar 2025 22:15:29 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311952.html","description":"

The autistic frustration of having an idea in mind and not being able to make it how you want it\u2026 I\u2019m excited about an idea I have for an armchair or chaise that can also double as a large ottoman. I keep finding things that would kind of work or almost work but not quite \u201cright.\u201d It was fine at first when I was thinking\/brainstorming\/exploring but now I know what I want and can\u2019t find it and it\u2019s incredibly annoying. Lol. Especially cause it gets stuck in my head and I just keep thinking about it cause I want it to be solved. This is nothing catastrophic of course but still, grating my nerves and taking up a lot of space in my brain.

In other news, I finally accepted a staff position at BMC. I\u2019m anxious to see how it feels in the coming weeks\u2013how big of an adjustment it will be or feel like, if the insurance works for me the way I hope it will. I am enjoying working more days and the idea of at least having a set weekend schedule\u2013some sort of predictability. I will have to go back to school which I\u2019m not looking forward to but I think it\u2019ll have some enjoyable\/positive aspects as well.

I\u2019m looking forward to Spring. The winter was ok but I\u2019m glad to be out of February. It\u2019ll be nice to have less layers and more sun. I feel kind of like all I\u2019ve had the energy for mentally is work. Or maybe I haven\u2019t found things that get me feeling excited so the brain feels slow and sleepy.

I think too, there\u2019s just not much going on in general. It\u2019s very much a time of hibernation. Here anyway. More broadly that\u2019s definitely not the case\u2026 I feel liable to get sucked into a deep pit whenever I start thinking about current events. In a lot of ways it feels like COVID all over again, but this time I don\u2019t have this direct and obvious way to help. That also gets overwhelming. I want people to be safe and ok.

Adjacent to that, I have been thinking recently about Shannon and how our perspectives and politics just would be at odds. Like how she would feel\/think about that CEO of UHC being killed since she\u2019s also a CEO. Or even how she felt during COVID about Pfizer being urged to share their patents\/information about vaccine creation.. It at least felt like her priorities were more about accumulating wealth than helping people. Which is very much at odds with my values. Especially given that the idea that companies like Pfizer took on \u201crisk\u201d when they were actually funded by the government to develop said vaccine meant they didn\u2019t actually risk anything. Smh\u2026 They wanted to profiteer off a global pandemic at the expense of human lives.. But \u201cintellectual property.\u201d Smh.. Caring about someone and disagreeing with them on such fundamental things is a confusing situation to navigate.

Which brings us to my dad\u2013I am leaning back towards I don\u2019t really want to talk to him or be around him. I have no desire to be around anyone else who supports Trump. Especially not with him actively being President.. It\u2019s a bit hard to know if I\u2019m doing the black and white thinking. And the thing where I can\u2019t remember things that counteract what I\u2019m currently thinking\/feeling. What I do know is I\u2019m happy I get to talk to and see my mom without having to also interact with my dad. I use to never go home but since they\u2019ve separated I\u2019ve averaged about two visits a year. And my mom\u2019s come to see me for my birthday the past couple of years which has also been nice.

I just want to be at ease. I want people to have time to rest and enjoy their lives. To have safety and security. It makes me want a big house where there\u2019s room if people need a place to land. Except I don\u2019t actually want to be around people all the time. Lol. I have been playing with the idea of buying land and having space for multiple homes of whatever kind. I need to just go for it and start. It will likely entail an LLC because businesses have more freedom to put structures on their land than individuals do. We\u2019ll see..<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311952.html?view=comments#comments","category":"llc"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311470.html","pubDate":"Sun, 05 Jan 2025 19:02:48 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311470.html","description":"

Forgot my meds yesterday soooo that\u2019s good to know.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311470.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311213.html","pubDate":"Sun, 05 Jan 2025 09:23:57 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311213.html","description":"

I woke up after dreaming about Shannon.. Smh. At first it was cold and hostile. Then, as if it were a different timeline, it was cuddly and sweet. In it I remembered what it physically was like to have her skin on mine and what it felt like to hold her and I started crying which woke me up..

I\u2019ve been feeling lonely. I also have been trying to connect with people but not succeeding. I just want someone who\u2019s happy and content being together all the time honestly. Lol. Not actually all the time cause I still want alone time with Jess and to myself but\u2026 I do miss the togetherness of my and Cristina\u2019s relationship. I also just feel a bit down on myself.. I remember Shannon trying to reassure me and being heartfelt\u2013why wasn\u2019t that enough?

I\u2019m also feeling this way cause Jess reconnected with someone from high school and I\u2019m missing\/wanting some endorphins like that I think.

I\u2019m sleepy.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/311213.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310885.html","pubDate":"Sat, 04 Jan 2025 04:05:09 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310885.html","description":"

I think being away from home and all the travel for the holidays has got me feeling mopey. For now, I need to sleep.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310885.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310608.html","pubDate":"Sun, 01 Dec 2024 06:02:55 GMT","title":"She won\u2019t get to see this but I figured maybe you will","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310608.html","description":"

Sometimes when it\u2019s late at night I think about the fact that we were together for three years and then you just never spoke to me again. And it hurts and sucks and makes me sad. And honestly it makes me mad at you. I love you and miss you and also.. Wtf? And it kills me cause in hindsight you\u2019re so much like my dad in all the non-scary ways but ways that really did something to me.. In ways where I just kept trying to figure out how to explain myself and what I needed. Fact of the matter is if you have to explain it over and over.. It\u2019s probably not going to be resolved.

I miss you and I missed you even more when we were together. This hurts but it\u2019s sad to remember that it hurt more before it was over. It hurt more needing you and wanting to feel like you cared, feel like you understood and you took me into account.. It wasn't suppose to be the way it was. But man a part of me still wishes you would reach out and say something. And god, isn't that what I always wanted?<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310608.html?view=comments#comments","category":"shannon"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310372.html","pubDate":"Wed, 20 Mar 2024 02:39:23 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310372.html","description":"

I\u2019m tired but I\u2019m not sleepy. Which is unfortunate since I work tomorrow morning.. I tried sleeping in the bed and then moved to the couch. Maybe I\u2019ll try the hammock next. Hm..<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/310372.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309719.html","pubDate":"Wed, 13 Mar 2024 20:33:48 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309719.html","description":"

My mood has been pretty rough lately but I\u2019m feeling really excited and energized rn. I was thinking about buying a home last year but shit is so expensive and then finding the things that I want at a cost I can comfortably afford was feeling hard. I started thinking last night about a new construction rather than a pre owned home and the more I\u2019m looking at it the more sense it\u2019s starting to make! ^_^ Modular homes seem reasonably priced and I saw a couple of plots of land for sale on Zillow, one in particular I\u2019m excited about. It\u2019s in a low key residential area\u2013lots of trees\u2013the lot is pretty well cleared which is great. Dad and I are gonna do a phone call tonight and talk through it a bit. I\u2019m so excited. It just seems promising and it\u2019s a relief because I was feeling so stuck and limited by cost of living here. I also have plans to do a call with Cris in an hour or so which will be nice. :) I also emailed Renee to see how doing a build would impact financial things. Yeah, feeling super motivated. :)<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309719.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309320.html","pubDate":"Sat, 09 Mar 2024 17:33:29 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309320.html","description":"

I started talking to this new person and it pretty quickly became apparent that she has been dating Michelle. And we\u2019ve been talking about that and I spoke with Michelle and now I\u2019m trying to figure out how I want to proceed or if I want to. They seem very nice and I was enjoying talking to them. But now the vast majority of what we\u2019ve talked about has been Michelle and Jess. It feels like I\u2019m doing a lot of emotional labor for a person I\u2019ve never even met. Idk. They still seem uncomfortable so it doesn\u2019t really feel like we can move forward? It feels unsettled. I would really love to talk through it with someone but it doesn\u2019t feel like there is anyone to ask or gain insight from. Cynthia is closest to like how I think about things but idk if she\u2019d 100% get it cause she doesn\u2019t have the experience to draw from. Hm.. Maybe I could see if Cris is around.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309320.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309031.html","pubDate":"Fri, 23 Feb 2024 23:07:01 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309031.html","description":"

I\u2019m still so mad at Shannon. And hurt. I know part of why I\u2019m thinking about it is cause I\u2019m lonely and it\u2019s February\u2026 I\u2019m sad too, cause there are parts that I miss.. I enjoyed the last few winters\u2013I\u2019m not enjoying this one.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/309031.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/308758.html","pubDate":"Tue, 13 Feb 2024 04:21:21 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/308758.html","description":"

Been having a hard time today. My eyes are sore and red from crying. I missed my meds yesterday and am due to start my period so had that working against me. Plus, just feeling a little stressed\/lonely. Suppose to get a snow storm tomorrow so I might not get to see Jess. What originally kicked me off was realizing we both have next week off, getting really excited, and then very quickly feeling sad cause we didn\u2019t have anything planned which seemed to me to mean she was going to be busy and it wouldn\u2019t actually mean we got to spend a bunch of time together. Then it kind of went on from there.

I think we also have both been a little off lately, then Jess has been tired cause of getting Indie settled and adjusting to that routine.

I think more than anything I\u2019m lonely. Jess and I haven\u2019t been having as much alone time as we usually do cause we\u2019ve been spending more time at the house since they got Indie.

Liv and I did talk about making plans to hang out\u2013maybe I\u2019ll work on coordinating that tomorrow. My circle here is like\u2026 Non-existent. Which I\u2019ve always kept a small circle anyway but I really just like don\u2019t feel connected to people outside of work except Liv and Jess. I miss having a nesting partner but I also am really glad I have my own space when I do get time to spend with Jess. I think her not being here is maybe a good chunk of what\u2019s wearing on me.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/308758.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/308191.html","pubDate":"Tue, 07 Nov 2023 14:24:56 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/308191.html","description":"

I\u2019ve been listening to a lot lately about narcissism and it just starts to feel less like finding understanding and more like getting lost\u2013narcissistic? Or just avoidant? Autistic? Idk. I\u2019m writing this though because I think what\u2019s more important than any of that is how you feel when you\u2019re with someone. Not what you call their behaviors or if you love them. How does being around them make you feel? I feel like I knew this at some point but forgot. And I\u2019m tired of going in circle in the weeds\u2013it\u2019s not helping.

I wasn\u2019t happy with Shannon. I often had meltdowns or panic attacks. I felt on edge and unclear a lot of the time. I felt unsure of how she felt about me. And more importantly in the moment\u2013I feel sleepy.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/308191.html?view=comments#comments","category":["confused","shannon"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307728.html","pubDate":"Wed, 25 Oct 2023 17:56:21 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307728.html","description":"

Feeling a little grouchy. Shannon things came to mind cause Steph had messaged me on Signal and I was responding. Smh.. It just bothers me. Luckily I have a therapy session tomorrow so I can work some of the feelings out there. *sighs* I\u2019m not entirely sure what I want to talk about other than just updating Dr. Levy and venting.

I\u2019m spending some time at Jess\u2019s today cause the poor honey\u2019s home sick with strep. She\u2019s snoozing and I was working on finishing my embroidery project from way back when. We were also watching Our Flag Means Death.. Just a lot of Shannon heavy things..<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307728.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307637.html","pubDate":"Fri, 06 Oct 2023 15:36:41 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307637.html","description":"

After all that with the Netflix account, when I went to log in on my TV it let me access Shannon\u2019s profile. \ud83d\ude44 Then I had a hard time logging out but eventually got it sorted. Lol. Ofc.

I came to write about how it\u2019s my birthday tomorrow and mentally I feel very certain she won\u2019t wish me a happy birthday, but somewhere in my chest, I still wonder if she will.

I\u2019m off today and tomorrow and then work three nights in a row. I worked the last two days and actually had a pretty good time. My patients were also very sweet. I just love geriatric patients. Getting attached to patients is a blessing and can also be a struggle.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307637.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307270.html","pubDate":"Wed, 27 Sep 2023 02:21:26 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307270.html","description":"

I was able to transfer my Netflix profile to a new account and delete it off Shannon\u2019s. I also deleted the password and login info so I\u2019m not tempted. Smh.. I\u2019m going to try to sleep. I work again tomorrow.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307270.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307014.html","pubDate":"Tue, 26 Sep 2023 01:06:42 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307014.html","description":"

I\u2019ve been feeling more sad\/thinking about Shannon things the past week or so. I think it\u2019s because work\u2019s been hard, I\u2019ve had my period, and my birthday and the holidays are coming up. I miss having a nesting partner. There are also things I specifically miss about being with Shannon, and things I don\u2019t miss. I know the early stages of getting to know someone are fun and exciting but I really prefer the stability. I like it feeling settled and homey. \u2026 Anyway, I miss going to bed together and cuddling at night.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/307014.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306854.html","pubDate":"Thu, 24 Aug 2023 02:47:29 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306854.html","description":"

I deleted my access to the smart lights at the old apartment and to Hamlet.. I\u2019m sure part of me will regret that decision at some point but I think it\u2019s for the best. I was looking for an old picture earlier and ended up looking through pictures and videos from time with Shannon and getting sad. *sighs*\u2026 I\u2019m generally doing better than I was when we were together, I think, but I still miss her. It sucks.

I was thinking if the feelings persist I might reach out to Dr. Levy again. We\u2019ll see.

Here\u2019s to hoping I fall asleep quickly.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306854.html?view=comments#comments","category":["hamlet","smart lights","sad","shannon"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306636.html","pubDate":"Thu, 24 Aug 2023 02:27:45 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306636.html","description":"

I\u2019m feeling a bit sad.. Maybe I should just go to bed.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306636.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306272.html","pubDate":"Tue, 01 Aug 2023 04:58:43 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306272.html","description":"

I\u2019m feeling a little sad and missing Shannon. I\u2019m having the desire to text her but it\u2019s probably not a good idea nor would it go the way I\u2019d want it to anyway. I just want to cuddle in bed and go to sleep. And I miss watching shows together. \ud83d\ude1e Yeah, I guess I miss the companionship. I\u2019m also just like.. Stressed and worn out from trying to get comfortable\/situated in the apartment. I keep hitting little roadblocks\/snags and I feel like I\u2019m losing steam. It\u2019s getting to be frustrating.

I took it slow and easy today. I repotted my plants and cleaned them up before giving them a shower. I\u2019m glad I did cause some of them were root bound and needed some space.

It\u2019s late and I was feeling like I could climb into bed a couple hours ago.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306272.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306024.html","pubDate":"Tue, 11 Jul 2023 09:02:47 GMT","author":"seriouslymegan","link":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306024.html","description":"

I had a dream where Shannon was talking to a friend in front of me and was being very like.. Forthright about things that had been going on with us, and with her and Jacob, and just articulating it in depth. She was also saying she and Jacob were running into the same kind of issues around sex and something else.. I can\u2019t exactly remember. But yeah, she was being very insightful about similarities between the two relationships and it was just interesting to witness.<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/seriouslymegan.livejournal.com\/306024.html?view=comments#comments"}]}}