Real Easter Egg (1971)

Back in the 1970s, many people complained that the word “Easter” had been dropped from the packaging of chocolate eggs. They also claimed it was only a matter of time before other Christian Easter imagery, such as anthropomorphised cartoon chicks playing with bashful ducks or dungaree-wearing bunny rabbits, received the same treatment.

The Scarfolk Confectionery Company was only too happy to remind consumers of the true biblical events surrounding Easter: Gruesome acts of mutilation and torture, filicide/suicide, crude carpentry and auto-exhumation were all necessary to atone for the original sin that most people agree is historically unfounded, though still blame on one woman’s innocent desire for a healthy snack.

The Scarfolk Confectionery Company ensured that the word “Easter” was not omitted from its products (see above, from a 1971 brochure), in fact it was printed on the packaging over 100 times with corrosive ink that burned the word into the skin of the consumer. Anyone not bearing the burn scars was deemed by the government to be "unBritish".

Happy Easter from Scarfolk!
For more Easter-related artefacts, see also Rabies Easter Eggs, Jellied Babies and Confectionery Branded Cigarettes.

Rabies Easter Egg Packaging (1979)

This post is part one of two about confectionery.

By the late 1970s, vaccine injections increased to 9 times daily with 12 on Sundays and public holidays. While children raised in Scarfolk's stationery and office-supply cult looked forward to their inoculations against pernicious diseases such as rabies, tetanus and altruism, heretical children were prone to rebel. Parents had to be cunning and find new ways of ensuring that their children, and the children they had borrowed without permission, honoured their legally-binding medical obligations.

Parents worked closely with the Notional Health Service and confectionery manufacturers to create booby-trapped items, such as ice-creams, Christmas puddings and Easter eggs, as can be seen above. Hidden inside each sugary treat was a spring-loaded hypodermic needle primed to deliver its medicinal load.

Unfortunately, the scheme backfired. A vaccine works by exposing the patient to a small dose of the virus or disease, but the NHS had not taken into account the greed of children, who were eating so many sweets that they not only developed full-blown diseases such as rabies, but they were also becoming too large to fit comfortably on civic sacrifical altars.

Happy Ēostre from Scarfolk Council.

Jellied Babies (late 1970s)

This week's theme of human consumption continues with this popular Jellied Babies confectionery packaging from the late 1970s.

It's that time of the year when people tear unborn offspring away from incarcerated, drugged, distraught adults, paint them lurid colours, as if to mock them, then devour the helpless, would-be babies in front of the tormented parents. It's a bit like an annual jolly pogrom.

However, in the spirit of fairness, people in Scarfolk believed that chickens should not be the only creatures to lose their young during the festive spring period. Rabbit and otter eggs were also frequently consumed in Scarfolk, and human orphans in aspic were a particular favourite. Jellied Babies went into production after the council realised that the cost of foster care was prohibitive, especially because funds were needed for more beneficial things, such as quality garden furniture for the second homes of politicians.

In general, child donation can actually be financially lucrative. For example, when God sacrificed his own child for the good of society, he made sure he got a cut of the publishing and merchandising rights.

Happy Ēostre from Scarfolk Council.

 

Click to enlarge

 

If you have any unwanted children please write to: KiddyKomestibles Ltd, Scarfolk Industrial Park, SC1 6FG to arrange for a FREE pick up.