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<\/a>pfodge<\/b><\/a><\/span>Rated: GENERAL
Categories: COULD BE CANON, ONE-OFF FICS Characters: BRIAN
Word count: 449
Author:carbon69 aka
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span> Written: August 2008
Summary: Brian reflects on what he wants...
DISCLAIMER-Brian Kinney is not mine...more's the pity! Written for fun. No copyright infringement intended.
Inspired by the song YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT- The Rolling Stones
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<\/a>pfodge<\/b><\/a><\/span>Brian did not want a live in partner-he was quite happy to live his life his way and on his own
He did not want to answer to anybody-he was his own man and did things his own way, whenever he liked
He did not want an untidy loft apartment-he prided himself on his neatness and his pristine showhome-like loft
He did not want knowing looks from his'family'-the smiles and nudges he sometimes noticed
He did not want to worry about whether Justin was safe-he worried about himself and that was it
He did not want to watch as the life drained out of Justin's body-that was for people in TV drama's, it was not what happened to 'the stud of Liberty Avenue'
He did not want to feel so helpless and scared as he watched Justin fight for his life-it was not how he thought of himself
He did not want to feel a 'false emotion' called love-again that was for straight people who told themselves they were in love in order to get what they wanted
He did not want to wonder what a particular young, blond man was doing at any particular moment in any day-he only cared about what he himself was doing
He did not want to follow stupid rules-the only rule he followed was to do what he wanted,when he wanted
He did not want to feel jealous when the fiddler appeared on the scene-he did not do jealousy
He did not want to be so fucking relieved when Justin came back to claim him-self pity made his dick soft
He did not want to feel such an overwhelming sense of loss and fear when he heard about the bombing of Babylon-it was not his way
He did not want to say those three little words-he knew they were only words used for gain, never used in truth
He did not want to send Justin to New York-it was just something that had to be done
He did not want to mope around the loft, getting drunk to drown out the emptiness and loneliness
Ah well, suck it up Kinney...it's only time!
Brian walked to the loft door picking up his bag and headed out.
Just as he got into his car his phone rang.
\"Hey.\"
\"Hey.\"
\"I love you.\"
\"I love you too, Sunshine.\"
\"Are you on your way?\"
\"Yes, I will be there soon.\"
\"OK, later.\"
\"Later.\"
Closing his phone, he started the car and made his way to the airport...finally.
It was after all, what he wanted, and more importantly it was what he knew he needed.
~~~(BUT IF YOU TRY SOMETIMES) YOU MIGHT, you JUST might GET WHAT YOU NEED~~~
Title from YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT-The Rolling Stones<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/11602.html?view=comments#comments","category":"my qaf fics"},{"guid":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/11314.html","pubDate":"Thu, 22 Jan 2009 10:07:01 GMT","title":"the mystery of Ted- a fic","author":"sandra_qaf","link":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/11314.html","description":"
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<\/a>pfodge<\/b><\/a><\/span>Rated: GENERAL
Categories: HUMOUR, COULD BE CANON, ONE-OFF FICS Characters: BRIAN, TED
Word count: 758
Written: August 2008
Author:carbon69 aka
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span>Summary: Brian ponders the mystery of Ted
DISCLAIMER - Brian Kinney and Ted Schmidt are not my characters- they belong to Cowlip\/Showtime, as do any situations mentioned in this story. Written purely for pleasure, no profit made, no copyright infringement intended.
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<\/a>pfodge<\/b><\/a><\/span>Ted can be such a boring man. He is so nondescript sometimes, It really annoys me. Why?
Because it could so easily have been how I turned out.
I thank God (or whatever) that I had the strength to keep my self esteem and self worth after having to put up with the Kinney idea of raising a family, thank you so fucking much, Jack and Joanie! If I had not had that, I am sure I would have less self esteem than Ted does and I would either be dead now or worse, as bad as he is.
The thing with Theodore is that he tries too hard to be liked and that will only bring you grief in the long run. The man is not bad looking and if he dressed a little better, I mean, come on, just because you are an accountant does not mean you have to suddenly lose your sense of style completely!
If he just changed a few items in his closet he could even be thought of as hot. Maybe even in my league...then again...maybe not. Let's not get carried away now!
Every time I see him being his usual apologetic self I want to shake him or hit him (although I would never do that) he makes me so mad. He makes me realise how lucky I am and in turn I have to needle him and snark at him. I do it to make him so angry with me that he has to prove me wrong. I do it to make him wake up, to grow a backbone, to realise that he can be whoever he wants to be. That he deserves to be whoever he wants to be.
He does not seem to realise how attractive he is, he always seems to blend into the background, and to be honest comes across as boring boring boring - when in actual fact he is quite witty and humourous. He has a quick mind and is intelligent, loyal and can be quite personable at times.
I don't really understand why he is like he is...he appears to have had a reasonable upbringing, his mother seems like a loving woman, if a little smothering, he has a good brain and as I mentioned is not a bad looking guy.
I know he really wants to be like me, at least the studly part of what is me. Thats why he can be so caustic towards me and downright sarcastic most of the time. I think sometimes he really thinks I am like my outward persona, but then again I think, deep down, he recognises me for what I am. Unapologetic and brutally honest to a fault, that I will do whatever needs to be done regardless.
When I found out he had named me as his POA I really wanted to throttle him. Giving me the awesome honour of ending his life. Fuck! I did not even want to see him in that state and then to have to tell them to turn him off like a light bulb-WTF? I would have done it, (I am not the heartless bastard everyone, including Ted, thinks I am), I was ready to do it. I could not, would not leave him lying there like that - but fuck - I was so relieved when he woke up, saving me the need.
I was secretly and strangely honored when he confessed his fantasy was to be me for a night, that I arranged the night in my loft complete with hot, horny men even gave him my bracelet. I even considered taking part in the orgy, but it would have been like fucking myself, that would have been too weird, even for me!
I did not let on that I know he did not enjoy it as much as he said he did. It seems insecure Ted took over and ruined it for him. Poor, poor Theodore.
He is so much stronger than he thinks he is, I mean lets face it, to come back from the depths that he sank to takes strength, courage and determination and he did it.
He is part of my fucked up chosen family, we stick together even through all the snarking and the falling out.
That's why I gave him the chance to work for me and he has not let me down. I knew he would'nt, but I had to threaten him a little...can't have him thinking that I like him, can I?
<\/a>
<\/center><\/center>","comments":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/11314.html?view=comments#comments","category":"my qaf fics"},{"guid":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/11222.html","pubDate":"Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:29:22 GMT","title":"suffering","author":"sandra_qaf","link":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/11222.html","description":"another of my fics...
later x
Timeline:Season 5-Brian POV
Rating: GENERAL
Genre: BRIAN\/JUSTIN, COULD BE CANON, ONE-OFF FICS, SONG FICS
Summary:
Brian's thoughts just after Justin leaves for New York.
Word count: 1464
Author:carbon69\/
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span>Banner:carbon69\/
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span>Timeline:Season 5-Brian POV
Rating: GENERAL
Genre: BRIAN\/JUSTIN, COULD BE CANON, ONE-OFF FICS, SONG FICS
Summary:
Brian's thoughts just after Justin leaves for New York.
Word count: 1464
Author:carbon69\/
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span> Banner:carbon69\/
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span>A\/N:This song is so beautiful, I just had to try to write a fic for it.
DISCLAIMER: Brian and Justin are not my characters-they belong to CowLip. Borrowed for fun not for profit-no copyright infringement is intended.
Song used is SUFFERING by JAY JAY JOHANNSEN...Not sure which season it was used in-think it was season 1.
~~~Optimist is here in my heart, when there's springtime in the airLoneliness tearing me apart, being loved makes me scaredI keep on asking the gods above, to send my love back to me Oh please let these days and weeks pass by so quickly~~~
BRIAN POV
Well, here I am alone again. Why am I not surprised? I know it was the right thing to do. Let Justin go. He is so young yet, he needs to be free to become the great artist that he can be. Me? Well I will be the same as always. The asshole. The brilliant Ad Exec. The one who has all the material things that you would ever need. The one who is the one to be. The one who can get any guy he wants. The one who has no heart.
Yeah right.
As I light another cigarette and sit on the edge of the bed I remember us, few hours ago. The way we held each other. The way we kissed and caressed. The moans and the shouts. The whispers and smiles. The gentle touches. The intense looks. We were both trying to make memories to last us forever.
It\u2019s only time, I said hoping that he would believe me and not have second thoughts about leaving for New York. We will see each other all the time he said, wanting me to agree with him. I did to make it easier for him to leave.
~~~Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else oh noNobody suffers like I do, nobody else oh noNobody suffers like I do, nobody else but you~~~
He left while I was asleep and I am so glad he did. I would not have let him go if I had been awake. I admit it. I feel as if I am adrift with no means of support and the heart that so many believe I don\u2019t possess is torn and bleeding. I am in so much pain I can hardly breathe, and I wonder if I will ever again be the Brian Kinney I used to be. I wonder if I really would want to be him again. Of course I know I can never go back to him. I left him behind a long time ago although I gave a good impression of him. Justin knew, the little twat always was on to me but I could not let him know how often he was right in what he said and suspected. When I would head out to Babylon alone I never really went there much at all. I would walk and think a lot. Head to another part of town for a few hours. Have a few drinks. A solitary meal. Then head back home just before the curfew. Pretend to be drunk. I think Justin knew but he never said anything. He let me think I was fooling him\u2026
When I think back to the almost wedding I feel tears filling my eyes and I let them fall freely. I wanted so badly to make him happy and like I told him, I would do anything, be anything to make him happy. I lost myself a bit there. Went over the top-but when did I ever do anything else? All or nothing that\u2019s always been my motto. He thought I had lost my mind, and maybe I had for a short while.
~~~You had to leave I know, and we knew it would be toughYou said you would be back soon, soon is not soon enoughI keep on asking the gods above, to send my love back to meOh please let these days and weeks pass by so quickly~~~
The bombing scared me like nothing else. More than the bashing. More than the cancer. To think I could have lost him. He could have died - without hearing me say what he really needed to hear. I knew I really needed to say it too. All those months and years with me fighting so hard to deny my feelings and him finally losing faith, although he knew my feelings for him from the start, made me regret, yes regret all the shit I put him through. All to protect a Brian Kinney that was not happy and was not even real. But sitting here, smoking yet another cigarette, I know I really wanted to be anything for him, and to do anything to make him happy. So that\u2019s what I thought I was doing. Cuddling. Not going out. Turning down the stripper at my bachelor party\u2026NOT TRICKING! Yeah that was a shocker boys and girls! But like I said, it really was not a hardship for me as I had not really been interested for a while. I have always been a great Ad man\u2026I can sell anything to almost anybody. So I sold the same old image, with less of the truth, and not many people noticed, or even cared. Give them what they expect to see and that is what they will see.
Justin was horrified though, he thought I was sacrificing too much. What he never understood was how much I wanted to be like that. I wanted to stay home, have a loving relationship with someone\u2026well only HIM\u2026who I could really trust and be my real self with. A loving and supportive relationship, \u2018cos I really did not believe in them at all. Only Justin would have and could have altered my way of thinking to that, in fact he really did do that for me. If that meant becoming a Stepford person then that\u2019s what I would have done.
He is my life\u2026and he\u2019s gone\u2026I am alone. Not for too long he said\u2026I really wish I could believe it though.
~~~Through this waiting in vain, all this sadness and painI've been crying for you, no I'm lyingWhen this test is at end, I hope you'll understand that you're all that I've got,Oh darling~~~
Sighing heavily, I stand and head over for a drink. I need something to take the pain away. Pouring myself a double I knock it back and quickly pour another. Walking over to the couch, I glance at the clock. He should be boarding about now. Wonder if\u2026
Just as I think the thought my cell rings. Smiling to myself and loving the excited feeling in my gut, \u2018cos I know it\u2019s him.
\u201cHey.\u201d
\u201cHey\u201d
\u201cI am just about to go to the boarding gate. I wanted to\u2026I needed to\u2026\u201d
\u201cI know, Sunshine\u2026I know. Me too.\u201d
He laughs and I am sure his smile has made the airport that much brighter. My heart is beating quickly and the excited feeling is increasing just to hear his voice and his laugh make me SO lesbianic-so shoot me- but I really don\u2019t care anymore.
\u201cBrian, please don\u2019t get into your avoidance techniques again\u2026I booked you a ticket to fly out in two weeks. I know we said to give it at least two months but I can\u2019t wait that long, and I really don\u2019t see why we should, Do you?\u201d
Feeling the tears filling my eyes again I can hardly speak. Little twat knew I would never go back on what we decided, even if I wanted to...which I admit to myself I would have wanted to, so badly.
He learned his lessons well, go after what you want, no matter what. I am thankful and so glad that he is still the hard headed, stubborn man he always was. Clearing my throat I whisper, knowing he will know how I am barely holding on.
\u201cThanks, Sunshine, I love you.\u201d
\u201cI love you too, I will ring when I get in, OK?\u201d
I heard him catch his breath as he answered and then hung up before I could say anymore. I know his \u2018allergies\u2019 will be out in full force just because of those three little words.
Smiling to myself again, I head to the bathroom. Stripping off my sweatpants, I enter the shower, my mood is so light now and I feel fine.
I can last two weeks\u2026after all\u2026I am Brian Kinney and I can do whatever I want!
~~~Optimist is here in my heart, when there's springtime in the airNobody suffers like I do, nobody else, oh noNobody suffers like I do, nobody else but you Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else, oh no Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else but you
Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else, oh no Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else but you
Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else, oh no
Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else but you~~~
end
JULY 2008
Song~ SUFFERING by Jay Jay Johannsen<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/11222.html?view=comments#comments","category":"my qaf fics"},{"guid":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/10942.html","pubDate":"Tue, 20 Jan 2009 14:14:23 GMT","title":"Another one of my stories...","author":"sandra_qaf","link":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/10942.html","description":"Read it or don't...the choice is yours!
later x
TITLE: Ted's excellent adventure
GENRE:Brian\/other, Humour,
RATING:ADULT
WORD COUNT:1958
TITLE: Ted's excellent adventure
GENRE:Brian\/other, Humour,
RATING:ADULT
WORD COUNT:1958
BANNER:
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span>\/carbon69 Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, they belong to CowLip and Showtime\u2026I just borrowed them for this flight of fancy! Written purely for my pleasure and no copyright infringement is intended.
A\/N:I know this will be beyond the realms of some people's imagination, but I wrote it anyway 'cos I have a soft spot for Ted 'cos I really understand him more than I want to...so shoot me!
Thanks to my best friend Joyce who helped with some of the grammar.
Ted\u2019s emotions were at an all time low. Although he had recovered from his addiction, with the help of Blake and the rest of the family, still he felt somewhat off-centre. He sometimes had moments of feeling somewhat OK, but lately, the down moments seemed to be more prevalent.
The down feelings would come and go, of course they would always be worse at night, when he was alone in his apartment. Unable to dampen the feelings with alcohol or drugs, he would try to cope with them by listening to an opera or classical music, but ultimately, he was forced to endure the feelings of dark despair by himself.
He was off crystal and all drugs including alcohol, he was still a part of the family and he knew that he was loved by them and he returned that affection.
Occasionally, Emmett would stay over, or would invite Ted to stay with him, but usually Ted was home alone. He would sometimes venture out alone, wanting to make sure that he could visit a club or bar, without succumbing to the lure of alcohol or drugs. Sometimes when he was out with the others his paranoia would kick in, making him feel as if they were just waiting for him to fail, waiting for him to lapse...
He was extremely proud of himself for taking the chance that Brian had offered, and also glad that he was excelling at the work. Brian was very pleased with him(although he would never say so), but the increase in responsibility that Ted was now handling let him know he was doing well.
But still, he felt that something was missing from his life and he knew he had to work to remedy this very soon, or he was likely to have a relapse and maybe if there was a next time, he would not be so lucky.
Deciding to go out for the evening, he made his way to an out of town bar that he had heard Brian mention, hoping that tonight, possibly, he might meet someone he could connect with.
Walking into the bar, he scanned the room and was impressed by the up-market feel of it. Although, of course, anything that Brian recommended was sure to be just that, so he was not at all surprised.
Moving across to the bar, he ordered a cranberry juice and stood surveying the patrons. He could feel the stares of many apparently interested men as he stood there. He felt pleasantly surprised by this, but preferred to just soak up the atmosphere for a while.
The music was a mixture of the usual dance club sounds interspersed with slower, sensual tracks. Feeling quite relaxed, he made his way over to a seated section of the bar.
Watching the few people in the small dance area, he heard raised voices from the other side of the room. Suddenly there was a loud crash, furniture was thrown aside and a man was pushed into the dance area. As he stumbled and fell to the floor, two men pushed through and began kicking him relentlessly as he lay there curled, protecting his head.
Ted could not believe what he was seeing. The fallen man was Brian! Standing up, he quickly ran over, shouting abuse at the two men, and pushing them away, he fell to his knees and brushed Brian\u2019s hair from his face.
Brian had been kicked a few times and was now trying to protect his ribs. Ted grabbed him beneath his arms and helped him to his feet. Standing back to back they eased away from the dance area, while other customers were trying to calm the two men, forcing them away. Ted was thankful that they decided it was not worth it and left the bar.
Leading Brian to a seat he sat him down and checked if Brian was hurt. Apart from a small cut above his right eye and a bloody nose, he appeared to be his usual inebriated self.
Ted decided to drive Brian home. Persuading him to get up, they made their way to the exit with Brian mumbling (a usual Brian thing) and giggling (definitely not a usual Brian thing), incoherently.
Shaking his head and wondering what concoction of drugs Brian had taken, Ted decided to pick his car up tomorrow and take Brian\u2019s jeep. He looked around and seeing it parked up the street he led Brian to it. He leaned Brian onto the hood, as an image he had seen in his mind so many times resurfaced.
Casting it aside, he slowly moved his hands over Brian\u2019s torso, searching for his keys. Finding them he eased Brian into the passenger seat and smelt the unique aroma that is Brian Kinney, as he reached across to fasten him in.
Ted remembered the smell from the only time he had had the confidence to get that close to Brian. He had arrived at the loft with some financial papers to find an orgy in progress. Before he knew what was happening he was naked and so aroused that he almost forgot who and what he was doing.
Brian of course had made some remark and that was the end of that. He had had a great time but ever since then, images of a naked Brian would fuel some of his most satisfying jerk offs.
Sighing deeply, he walked round to the driver\u2019s side, got in and smiled indulgently at Brian before heading back to town. Brian continued talking and laughing at some imaginary thing or person. Shaking his head, sneaking looks at Brian periodically, Ted drove on to the loft.
By the time they arrived, Brian had fallen asleep. Getting him out of the jeep and into the elevator was a struggle but finally they were at the loft door. Propping Brian up with one hand, Ted managed to open the door and they stumbled in.
Guiding Brian to his bed, he pondered whether to undress Brian, or just put him on his bed dressed. Again, images from his many fantasies about Brian entered his head. Sighing deeply and shaking his head to dispel them, he decided that Brian would not want his designer clothes ruined, so he proceeded to undress him and get him into bed.
\u201cThanksshh Theodore.\u201d Brian spoke for the first time in 20 minutes or so, startling Ted so much he stepped backwards and fell over Brian\u2019s shoes.
Brian rolled over and looked at Ted, trademark smirk on his face.
\u201cYou...um\u2026you\u2019re welcome Brian, um\u2026do you need anything else, I was just going to leave.\u201d
Ted struggled to get up off the floor and begins to walk away.
\u201cNo, Ted, stay, I want you to stay, pleasshe.\u201d
\u201cO\u2026OK Bri\u2026I\u2019ll stay on the couch.\u201d
Ted cannot believe that Brian has firstly, thanked him and secondly is now asking him to stay, in the loft!
Shaking his head in disbelief again, he looks for some blankets and a pillow, then after locking the loft door and turning out the lights, heads over to the couch where he undresses and lays down.
Soon the loft is silent and Ted finally falls asleep.
\u201cNOOOOOOOOOO!\u201d
The scream that comes from Brian a few hours later, had Ted off the couch and running towards the bedroom in no time. Brian was thrashing and rolling in the bed, drenched in sweat, a continual moaning and screaming coming from his lips.
\u201cBri\u2026wake up\u2026what is it?\u201d
\u201cNo\u2026NO, get off me!..leave me alone\u2026NO!\u201d
\u201cC\u2019mon Brian, wake up!\u201d
Ted climbed onto the bed and held him close, gently rubbing his back and talking to him quietly.
Eventually Brian settled a little and curled himself around Ted, small whimpers occasionally escaping his lips. Ted continued to talk to him gently, calming the trembling man, and at last Brian fell back into a deep sleep.
Ted was unsure what to do now. He knew that if he remained in the bed and Brian woke up, that he would become his usual asshole self. But he also knew that whatever demons Brian was fighting, must be really bad for him to have reacted that way.
Deciding to risk the wrath of Brian, Ted remained in the bed holding him closely. He soon drifted off to sleep and the loft was quiet again.
Ted awoke to the wonderful sensation of soft, warm lips closing around his erection. Wondering where he was at first, he gradually remembered the previous evening.
\u2018Oh my God, I\u2019m in bed with Brian!\u2019
Trying to move away, he was overcome with the expert manipulations of Brian\u2019s tongue and mouth and gave in to the experience. Moaning and moving towards the sensation, he grasped Brian\u2019s hair and began to thrust gently into the warm channel. The sensations increased as Brian increased the suction and Ted knew he was not going to last much longer.
\u201cBrian..Oh\u2026 Bri\u2026I\u2019m gonna\u2026ah!\u201d
Ted\u2019s hands tightened on Brian\u2019s hair as he tumbled in to his release. Brian took all that Ted had to offer and then moved up his body, giving small kisses as he went. Reaching Ted\u2019s mouth he proceeded to kiss him roughly. Although barely conscious, Ted managed to return the kiss with passion.
\u201cHmm, not bad Theodore.\u201d Trademark eyebrow raised, Brian smirked at Ted.
\u201cWant to help me out?\u201d Rolling onto his back he raised his arms over his head and waited.
\u201cUm..sure Bri.\u201d
Moving down over Brian's body, Ted licked and sucked around the head, taking his time to savour the arousing taste of Brian Kinney.
Still not quite believing that this was really happening, but not willing to give up this chance, he decided to go with the flow. He intended to enjoy the experience, and make it one he would never forget.
Taking the impressive member into his mouth and holding the base, he sucked firmly up and down, humming each time he made the downward journey. Using his other hand he pulled and massaged Brian\u2019s full sac.
Brian moaned, arching his back and gripping the sheets.
\u201cChrist Theodore, where did you learn that\u2026FUCK!\u201d
Ted smiled and continued to pleasure Brian, gaining confidence at the reactions he was causing. Sitting up suddenly, Brian pushed Ted over and rolled on top of him.
Reaching into a drawer with one hand he took out a condom and lube. Expertly, he ripped the condom packet open with his mouth and gave the condom to Ted. Opening the lube he squeezed some onto his fingers, soon moving to prepare and open Ted\u2019s now quivering hole. Ted rolled the condom on Brian with shaking hands, his emotions threatening to overcome him completely.
Taking a deep breath he looked at Brian pleadingly.
\u201cNow Brian\u2026now\u2026just now\u2026 please!\u201d
Growling ferally, Brian removed his fingers. Positioning his cock he surged forward, entering Ted half way, then pausing for a moment. As he felt Ted adjusting to the intrusion he pushed in fully. Thrusting slowly he gripped Ted\u2019s hips and moved his own hips in a circular motion, hitting Ted\u2019s prostate on alternate strokes.
Rising up to meet the thrusts, Ted squeezed his legs tightly around Brian\u2019s hips. Brian, knowing they were both close, increased his speed and reduced the length of his thrusts.
\u201cFuck\u2026fuck\u2026oh yeah!\u201d
\u201cAh\u2026yes\u2026Brian\u2026yes\u2026ahhhh!\u201d
Both totally exhausted, they lay panting, struggling to catch their breath.
\u201cWell Theodore, now you have joined the many, thousands of satisfied men who have been fucked by yours truly!\u201d
\u201cUm yeah\u2026Brian\u2026um\u2026er\u2026 but why?\u201d
\u201cWell\u2026\u201d
Ted was awakened by the shrill ringing of his alarm and rolled over to turn it off. Looking around he realised that he was in his own bed. Slumping back onto the bed he shook his head and smiled.
\u2018Well, I suppose that\u2019s the closest I will ever get to being fucked by Brian Kinney\u2026but damn\u2026What a wonderful dream!\u201d
Fin
Written by carbon69 AKA
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span>August\/September 2008<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/10942.html?view=comments#comments","category":"my qaf fics"},{"guid":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/10508.html","pubDate":"Tue, 20 Jan 2009 10:33:04 GMT","title":"decided I would post my stories...","author":"sandra_qaf","link":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/10508.html","description":"Since I joined LJ and started participating I have deliberated on whether to post stories I had written or just leave them on MW. I have not written a lot, and I procrastinate a lot while I am writing, so sometimes they don't get finished for a while...years sometimes!I don't really consider myself a writer but always wanted to try so although it took me a while, I did and found I liked it.
Anyway I have come to a momentous decision for me at least...I will post them in my journal, firstly because I want to, secondly in order to encourage others to give it a try, and thirdly so I have another record of what I have written before the little grey cells deterioate completely!
Some of you may have read them before, some will not have done so.
I would love to know what you think, but any nasty or derogatory comments will not be answered by me...I grow weary of nasty people.
Read them or don't, comment or don't, it's up to you!
Be honest but kind!
Here goes...
This is my first ever QAF fic which was written over a few years-told ya I was a procrastinator! LOL!
TITLE: Heaven...or something close
GENRE:Brian\/Michael, Michael\/Ben, Brian\/Justin, I guess a little OOC
RATING:ADULT
TIMELINE:S2
WORD COUNT:7145
BANNER:by me!
Written under my other screen name-carbon69
A\/N:When I first saw this episode I thought that Michael and Brian were going to do the deed\u2026wondered what would have happened if they did.Would it ruin their friendship as CowLip indicated or not?
Personally I think it would have made Michael\u2019s behaviour a lot better!;)
With HUGE, HUGE acknowledgements to the writers of QAF\/US season 2, episode 12
Thanks to Russell T Davies for creating QAF\/UK, which made it possible for our men to exist!
Written simply to see if I could!
Disclaimer:These characters\/places\/and some particular scenes\/dialogue are not mine, sadly they belong to CowLip\/Showtime and the writers of the episode.
No profit gained, no copyright infringement intended.
HEAVEN\u2026 OR SOMETHING CLOSE
By Carbon69...A.K.A
<\/a>sandra_qaf<\/b><\/a><\/span>2006\/2007\/2008!
Loud, pounding music. The pulsing thumpa thumpa of the beat. Beautiful men. Lots of hot, wet, shimmering, glistening, shiny bodies. All there for the same thing. Saturday night at Babylon\u2026no other place to be!
Michael was happy. He was out with one of his two favourite men, and the other one was due back later. Brian. Although he had hoped that someday he and Brian would eventually hook up, now that he had met Ben, he was beginning to think that maybe he was free of Brian\u2019s hold over him and could more fully enjoy their friendship, because he knew they would always be friends. They had survived too much together not to be. Lately, Michael realised that he had been silently, (and not so silently) waiting and hoping for Brian to come to his senses and admit undying love for him. All of those years that he had spent pining after Brian, wasting time, until a certain hot Professor had managed to capture Michael\u2019s heart.
Smiling widely he took Ben\u2019s hand and led him to the dance floor.
Dancing with Ben, Michael was as close to heaven as he had ever thought he could be\u2026
\u201cYou know what\u2019s going to happen?\u201d
\u201cWhat\u2019s going to happen?\u201d
\u201cWe\u2019re going to go back to your place\u2026\u201d
\u201cYeah?\u201d
\u201cThen I\u2019m going to rip off your clothes.\u201d
\u201cMm\u2026sounds good\u2026then what?\u201d
\u201cThen I\u2019m going to pin you to the mat like in Wrestlemania, main event. Then I\u2019m going to grab your legs and whip them over your head, and work my tongue down between your\u2026between your\u2026
Michael still got somewhat embarrassed when fantasising with Ben\u2026
\u201cBetween my what?\u201d
\u201cWell I got us this far\u2026now it\u2019s your turn!\u201d
\u201cOkay, okay! My turn\u2026ah\u2026I say lets get out of here and fuck!\u201d
\u201cWell, you can finish my fantasy anytime!\u201d
They turn to leave and Michael spots Brian and Justin.
\u201cBrian! You\u2019re back! How was Miami?\u201d
Brian hugs Michael \u2026\u201dAh...it rained every day, I never left the hotel!\u201d
\u201cSo the White Party was a big success?\u201d Ben smiled.
\u201cNot as good as that one a couple of years ago!\u201d Brian said to Ben with a smirk.
\u201cYeah!\u201d
Michael and Justin look surprised.
\u201cWhat\u2026you two were at a White Party together?\u201d
\u201cAlong with half of gay Pittsburgh.\u201d Brian said, tongue in cheek.
\u201cYes I was there doing research for a paper\u2026\u2019the influence of tribal rituals on queer culture\u2019\u201d.
\u201cYeah, more like the mating dance of horny homosexuals!\u201d Michael says wryly.
\u201cC\u2019mon\u2026lets go dance some more.\u201d
Ben leads Michael to the dance floor.
Brian and Justin go to the bar. Justin is grinning. Brian notices.
\u201cWhat!\u201d
\u201cYou fucked him, didn\u2019t you?\u201d
\u201cWho?\u201d
\u201cWho do you think? Ben!\u201d
\u201cWhere\u2019d you get that idea?\u201d
\u201cHe\u2019s only the hottest guy I\u2019ve ever seen! How many times did you fuck him? I want numbers and positions!\u201d
\u201cOnce\u2026twice.\u201d
\u201cI\u2019m getting hard just thinking about it\u2026how come you haven\u2019t told Michael?
\u201cIt\u2019s the first rule of gay etiquette\u2026never talk about your past fucks\u2026especially if one of your past fucks is your best friends current fuck.\u201d
\u201cAh!\u201d
They turn to watch Michael and Ben on the dance floor.
LATER IN THE WEEK
Michael and Brian are in the steam room at the gym. Brian is of course checking out the hot guy across from him.
\u201cBen and me did some pretty kinky stuff last night.\u201d
\u201cWhat, flavoured condoms?\u201d Brian says sarcastically, eyes remaining on the hot guy.
\u201cGuess!\u201d
\u201cI haven\u2019t a clue.\u201d
Brian smiles as he remembers the White Party with Ben\u2026white rope\u2026tying Ben up with white rope\u2026hot, steamy sex\u2026with Ben.
\u201cHe tied me up!\u201d
\u201cNo shit\u201d
\u201cI totally surrendered to him\u2026its all about trust you know?\u201d
\u201cIts pretty good when you\u2019re the one doing the tying too.\u201d
\u201cWe were so close\u2026bet you don\u2019t find that kind of intimacy at the white party.\u201d
Brian thinks of Ben again and what they did, thinking they got pretty close and intimate.
\u201cYeah\u2026I guess not.\u201d
\u201cAll your one night stands can\u2019t compare with what I got.\u201d
\u201cYeah, well I guess I\u2019ll just have to settle for the next best thing!\u201d
He smirks and heads over to the hot guy, leaving Michael smiling and shaking his head.
AT WOODY\u2019S
\u201cIsn\u2019t there anybody you haven\u2019t fucked? Ted snorts.
\u201cHe hasn\u2019t fucked me or anybody I\u2019ve fucked!\u201d Michael exclaimed as he and Ben join the others.
Justin chokes on his drink and Brian and Ben look at each other. Brian glares at Justin.
\u201cWhat? Says Michael
\u201cNothing\u2026 nothing\u201d.
Michael looks first at Justin, then Brian, and then Ben.
Ben and Brian look at each other, both wondering what to do now. Finally Ben speaks.
\u201cIt was me.\u201d Ben says to Michael
\u201cHoly shit! From Ted
\u201cOh my!\u201d From Emmett
\u201cNice going, little twot!\u201d Brian smacks Justin round the head.
Michael bursts out laughing.
\u201cI don\u2019t believe it! That is so hilarious.\u201d
\u201cGlad you think so. So you\u2019re ok with it.\u201d Ben asks Michael.
\u201cWhy shouldn\u2019t I be? Its Pittsburgh\u2026no degrees of separation!\u201d
Ben smiles and kisses Michael. Everyone else just smiles uneasily.
Michael and Ben arrive home and Michael pounces on Ben. Pushes him up against the wall.
\u201cI have had a raging hard on all night!\u201d
\u201cI was afraid that hearing about Brian and me would have the opposite effect. Maybe I should have said something.\u201d
\u201cI told you its no biggie, but this is!\u201d Michael grins looking down at Ben\u2019s impressive groin area.
\u201cLucky for me you have such a kind and understanding nature.\u201d
Pulling each other\u2019s shirts off, they head to the bedroom.
\u201cIt was still a shitty way for you to find out.\u201d
\u201cI have the hottest boyfriend in Pittsburgh\u2026it\u2019s a given that Brian would have fucked him!\u201d
\u201cIt was a casual thing, one night\u2026long before you were born\u2026to me that is!\u201d
\u201cWe don\u2019t have to tell each other who we\u2019ve slept with before we met\u2026leave your underwear on I\u2019m going to chew through it!\u201d
Michael\u2019s hand wanders down to Ben\u2019s arse. They clasp hands and Michael looks up\u2026and imagines Brian naked, on the other side of Ben, smirking\u2026He pauses.
\u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d
\u201cYou are.\u201d Michael shakes his head to clear the image and proceeds to blow Ben.
AT THE GYM
Ted is working out with a new trainer and Brian of course, has had the pleasure.
\u201cDon\u2019t tell me!\u201d exclaims Ted.
\u201cAfraid so.\u201d Brian smirks.
Michael comes over. \u201cSorry I\u2019m late.\u201d
\u201cWere you tied up?\u201d Brian kisses him and then heads over to the trainer.
\u201cSo how\u2019d it go, did you guys argue?\u201d Emmett asks Michael.
\u201cWell if I found out that my boyfriend had done the dirty with Brian that would be it\u2026game over\u2026how could I measure up?\u201d Ted exclaims.
\u201cIts not a problem, for Brian sex is like a handshake.\u201d
\u201cWell that isn\u2019t what he was shaking honey!\u201d smirked Emmett, not noticing Michael\u2019s irritation with the subject.
\u201cYeah, they know each other intimately, how they feel, how they smell. The sounds they make when they\u2019re coming\u2026\u201d Ted says, laughing.
\u201cWOULD YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY, I CAME HERE TO WORK OUT, NOT STAND AROUND BLABBING!\u201d
\u201cSorry, didn\u2019t mean to upset you.\u201d
Michael begins to do weights aggressively, all the time imagining Brian with Ben and feeling angry, upset\u2026and extremely jealous.
AT THE COMIC STORE LATER IN THE WEEK
Michael is just getting ready to close the store when Brian arrives.
\u201cBrian.\u201d
\u201cHey, Mikey, how\u2019s it going?\u201d Brian gives Michael a kiss.
Michael steps back, and sorts through some magazines.
\u201cMostly\u2026everything\u2019s great\u2026\u201d
\u201cWhat is it, Mikey, something bothering you?\u201d Knowing exactly what it is.
\u201cHow\u2019s the Professor?\u201d
\u201cWhy, you hoping to have a replay?\u201d
Brian sucks his bottom lip and raises an eyebrow.\u2018Fuck \u2026 how do I get out of this?\u2019
\u201cC\u2019mon, Mikey. You know I would never do that to you. We told you it was at the White Party. It happened. Ancient history. End of story.\u201d
\u201cMY HOT BOYFRIEND FUCKED MY HOT BEST FRIEND, ALL MY FRIENDS THINK IT\u2019S GREAT, I EVEN THINK IT\u2019S HOT, WHAT COULD BE BETTER!\u201d
Michael yells and storms into the back of the store and starts banging stuff around.
Brian runs his hand through his hair, takes a deep breath and follows him.
\u201cMikey, I met Ben way before you even knew he existed, it was a White Party, you go there to be seen and to fuck. We saw and we fucked\u2026that\u2019s it.\u201d
\u201cI know that! It\u2019s just\u2026never mind.\u201d
\u201cWhat, Mikey?\u201d
\u201cYOU KEPT IT FROM ME\u2026BOTH OF YOU! YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! WE TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING\u2026OR AT LEAST WE USED TO\u2026GOOD OR BAD\u2026WE WERE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER!\u201d
\u201cWell, look at how you\u2019re reacting now... I thought it was for the best if you never found out. You know I would never hurt you like that if you and Ben had been together\u2026it was just a fuck, for Christ\u2019s sake!\u201d \u2018Albeit a very hot fuck!\u2019
\u201cYeah, it\u2019s always just a fuck with you, get your cock sucked, fuck someone, forget \u2018em, on to the next one\u2026well until Justin came along, anyway...it\u2019s just\u2026FUCK!\u201d
Brian pulls Michael close and kisses him, puts his forehead against Michael\u2019s and sighs.
\u201cMikey, are you listening to me, you know I love you, always have, always will\u2026\u201d
He is stroking Michael\u2019s cheek as he speaks and staring into his eyes. Michael has tears in his eyes and is trying so hard not to break down and cry like a baby. He has always loved being this close to Brian, loves to hear him say he loves him, and loves it when Brian kisses him\u2026
Brian\u2019s hands move down Michael\u2019s back and squeeze his arse, causing him to groan, the kiss is so intense. Michael has been fooled before and has tried to increase the pleasure, only to be rebuffed by Brian so he just tries to enjoy this moment, while it lasts. Suddenly Brian moves his hand to Michaels groin and squeezes, rubs\u2026it\u2019s oh so good! Michael is stunned and he tenses\u2026
\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter Mikey, you know you want it?\u201d Brian is increasing the pressure and breathing into Michael\u2019s ear, and returning to the kiss.
\u201cUm, nothing, I\u2026\u201d
\u201cShh\u2026just relax.\u201d
\u201cO\u2026 Ok\u201d
Brian continues to squeeze and massage Michael and intensifies the kiss. Michael is panting now.
\u2018Oh\u2026 at last, please don\u2019t let him stop!\u2019 Michael\u2019s hands are now roaming all over Brian\u2019s body, sliding down his lean torso, down to his hips, reaching his slim, firm arse, squeezing and rubbing, thinking this is all going to stop sometime soon.
He gasps as Brian pushes him away slightly, looking uncharacteristically unsettled, as he removes his jacket and then begins to undo his jeans, one button at a time, never shifting his intense gaze from Michael\u2019s eyes. Michael is spellbound as he watches, his heart rate increasing with every breath and with every button that is unfastened. Unable to resist any longer, he moves closer to Brian, nervously licking his lips.
\u2018He\u2019s going to stop this soon, I know it.\u2019 Michael puts his hand out, Brian takes it and brings it to his lips, kisses the palm and places it over his chest, over his heart. Michael feels the strength and speed of that heartbeat and knows Brian is as aroused as he is and with that his legs give way and he moans as Brian pulls him closer and holds him tight.
\u201cDon\u2019t pass out on me Mikey, not now.\u201d Michael takes a deep breath and shakes his head, staring into the eyes he knows as well as his own, as Brian continues to hold him close.
\u2018Heaven, this is heaven!\u2019
Brian moves his hands up and down Michaels back, feeling him shaking and hearing Michaels breathing become more erratic\u2026kissing the lips he has kissed for as long as he can remember, bringing his hands round to Michael\u2019s jeans, he slowly unfastens the belt and the jeans and pulls down the zip, slips his hand into Michael\u2019s boxers. Michael gasps and moans as Brian takes him into his hand and squeezes firmly, deepening the kiss and beginning to moan himself.
\u201cMikey, are you really sure about this?\u201d
\u201cGod Brian, I have never been so sure of anything in my life!\u201d pants Michael, thrusting forward into Brian\u2019s hand.
Pausing for a moment, Brian closes his eyes and comes to a decision. Sighing deeply, he whispers softly.
\u201cOK.\u201d
Brian kisses Michael once more and sinks to his knees. Brian takes Michael into his mouth and begins sucking, licking, using his tongue to delve into the slit and capture the precum, pulling at Michael\u2019s sac with his right hand. Michael grips Brian\u2019s hair tightly and leans his head backwards, thrusting unconsciously, he knows he is too far gone now to stop.
Moving his hand to the base of Michael\u2019s cock, Brian squeezes firmly to delay Michael for a while and sucks firmly up and down his cock, feeling Michael shiver and hearing his moans grow louder. Brian smiles and releases a little pressure round Michael\u2019s cock, increasing the pace and moving his hand up as his mouth returns downwards.
Michael\u2019s senses are now reeling and he knows he won\u2019t last much longer. The years of waiting and hoping for just this have taken their toll\u2026he screams Brian\u2019s name loudly, pulls Brian\u2019s hair roughly and cums, leaving Brian struggling to swallow the flow.
Michael is barely conscious and his knees are buckling. Brian gently lowers him to the floor and holds him close.
\u201cFuck, Mikey\u2026that was hot!\u201d
Michael, unable to talk just nods his head, tightening his grip on Brian. Tears again threaten to fall from his eyes as he realises they finally got to finish the aborted hand job from so many years ago.Brian is now wondering if he has made a mistake.
What will happen to their friendship now?
Does he give Michael what he has yearned for all these years? If he does fuck Michael, and he realises he is sorely tempted to do so, could they really carry on as just friends? He is already confused about his feelings for Justin and now his intense feelings for Michael, due to their history together are confusing him more. He knows he cares deeply for Justin, but did he love him? He had no idea.
He always told himself and everyone else that he did not believe in love. With a childhood like his he was not in the least bit surprised. He had learned long ago to suck it up and not care. When he first saw Justin under that streetlamp he knew deep inside that something was different about him. After that first night, he had no doubt that Justin was important to him. But was it love? Fuck knows\u2026he certainly didn\u2019t! What the fuck did he know about love?So he tried to keep Justin at a distance. Too afraid to admit to himself the feelings he knew he had for the boy, but secretly pleased when Justin just would not give up\u2026
And now, this thing with Mikey\u2026he knew he had hurt him badly, time and again but always knew he would be forgiven, to be honest, he had not given much thought to what was happening to Michael at all. He knew though, that if they progressed further, he was not sure that he could treat Michael as just another fuck, not after all they had been through for and with each other.
He knew now that he actually did feel regret, regret at hurting Michael\u2026regret that Michael found out about he and Ben\u2026. \u2018Damn Justin for being so observant!\u2019
Michael is having much the same thoughts as he lies there in Brian\u2019s arms. He is finally where he wants to be, where he has always wanted to be, in Brian's arms, but what about Ben? He loves Ben, doesn\u2019t he? He knows he does, truly. But his feelings for Brian are different, so much deeper, always have been, from the first moment they met. They are connected, each a part of each other, have been for years.
He really does love Brian, but is he in love with Brian? No, he didn't think so...he had believed he was for a long time, but now he did not think so, but he had such strong feelings for him, that was for sure.
And what about Justin? Initially he had been such a shit to him because he was so jealous and angry that Justin had what he wanted, what he had always wanted. But he also knows that Brian does love Justin, (even if he won\u2019t admit it). He has never seen Brian so happy before. And he knows that Justin, for all his young years truly loves Brian.
This and meeting Ben had allowed him to be more friendly towards Justin and he really was beginning to like him. \u2018Shit! What a mess! Do I want to be with Brian, or do I just want to be fucked by Brian?\u2019 Is it just all the years of watching Brian fuck everybody except for him that have built his feelings into an obsession? Hmmm, partly, he admits to himself. Does he just want to be thought of as one of Brian\u2019s many cast offs? Not really. Could he live with it though?
HELL YES! He smiles and answers himself straight away. But how would it affect their friendship? Could they still have the same close relationship if they fucked?
Brian seems to be coming to the same conclusion. He loves Mikey, always has. But was he in love with him? No, he knew he was not. It was more an unbreakable connection, due to all the traumas they had been through together, forming a solid bond between them. Knowing that they would always be there for each other, no matter what. He admitted to himself that he had always felt somewhat cheated that he and Mikey had never fucked.
Hell, he knew Mikey\u2019s body, he had seen it enough times, he knew he was hot. What had stopped him? Telling himself that you don\u2019t fuck your friends, it would ruin the friendship. Well he had fucked Lindsay, hadn\u2019t he? They were still friends, weren\u2019t they, so that was a lie he told himself constantly.
He had had many opportunities over the years; he had even instigated most of them, then at the last moment, turned it into a joke or made Mikey feel he was imagining things.
God, he was such an arsehole! How must Mikey have felt? Watching Brian fucking everyone except for him. Thinking there was something wrong with him, adding to his many insecurities. Yet he had always been there for Brian, waiting to drive him home, making sure he was safe and always giving him comfort when Jack became too much to take. Always sticking up for him protecting him.
\u2018Yes, it is official, I am a first class arsehole.\u2019 Brian was known for his arrogant, self serving, no bullshit attitude. Never thinking of anyone but himself. This was an image he had honed to perfection so everyone believed that image WAS Brian Kinney.One thing about him that truly was Brian Kinney, was his harsh but brutal honesty. Brian told himself that he was just protecting Mikey, yeah, right. He was, first and foremost protecting himself, as always. Too scared in case Mikey rejected him, even though he suspected he would not.
Protecting himself from hurt, because he knew(just knew) it would not be just a fuck to Mikey. Brian knew Mikey had very deep feelings for him, as he did for Mikey. Brian knew he cared deeply for Michael but he had never really envisioned them as lovers. For Mikey though, over the years it had developed into a sort of hero worship that Brian knew he did not deserve. \u2018Fuck, my resistance has probably enhanced it more, making it worse.\u2019
Brian had made himself believe that he was being a good friend and also was protecting the first true friendship he had ever had. Deep down though, he also knew that he did not want that kind of relationship with Mikey. Fuck, he did not want any kind of longstanding relationship with anyone, but even if he had, he knew that Mikey was not the one.
But then one night after Babylon, that all changed. A blond twink with blue eyes, determination and big balls had wormed his way into his life, and yeah, he had to admit it finally, (if only to himself), into his heart. He knew he would always be there for Justin, and he realised, he wanted to be with Justin. So why did he always pretend otherwise? Brian Kinney was scared. Scared of rejection. There, he had admitted it!
Same reason he had pushed and pulled with Michael, and look where that had got them!
Brian had been protecting both Mikey and himself by refusing to do what would probably have happened naturally anyway, and they would probably have remained friends, who knows? However by doing so, he had managed to hurt one of the few, if not the only person he had never wanted to hurt. The question now was, if it happened now, would they be strong enough to weather the fall out that this could cause?
Their friendship could be stronger because of it, Mikey would be happy and yeah, he had to admit that HE would be happy too. Maybe it would bring them even closer together because Mikey would not be always wondering what being fucked by Brian was like, would not be thinking he was not worthy of Brian. And Brian would not feel guilty (yes he does feel guilt, he just rarely let anyone know about it) about constantly rejecting Michael and that itch would be finally scratched and laid to rest for both of them.
\u201cBrian?\u201d
\u201cYeah, Mikey, you alright?\u201d
\u201cUm, yeah I think so, you?\u201d
Brian sits up and looks at Michael, sighs and nods.
\u201cI think we need to finally finish this, we have been skirting round it for too long, but if we do, there can be no repeats and no regrets.\u201d
Michael took a deep breath.
\u201cBrian, you know how I feel about you, hell half of Pittsburgh knows how I feel about you!\u201d
\u201cI really thought for a long time that we would end up together, then Justin arrived on the scene and I was a shit to him because he got what I had always wanted. Even though I had met Ben I still wanted you. Lately though, I have realised that my feelings for you, although still there, are not the same as my feelings for Ben. I really love him, Brian, and I know he loves me.
Still I wonder and will always wonder what it would be like to be fucked by Brian Kinney. Shit, I am so tired of being one of the very few who have not known the pleasure of the legend. I think after all these years I should know, don\u2019t you? I think we really need this, Brian, I know I do.\u201d
\u201cKnowing you and Ben have fucked, stirred up these feelings again. I wasn\u2019t sure if it was because you had fucked him or because once again, here was someone who had had the pleasure of Brian Kinney. Someone I thought was all mine. I realised it was because Ben had been with you\u2026and I still hadn\u2019t. I think the time is right Brian, and I think you know it too. The time is right now!\u201d
Brian was surprised and a little shocked at how forthright Michael had been. He was used to Michael stammering and making jokes to cover his true feelings. He realised that Michael was finally stating what he wanted without fear and with determination. Taking a deep breath he smiled.
\u201cYou\u2019re right Michael, I do think that we should have dealt with this a long time ago, and yeah, I think I want this too.\u201d
\u201c I agree the time is right, but if we do this there could be problems with Ben and Justin, I don\u2019t want to lose Justin and I know you don\u2019t want to lose Ben.\u201d
\u201cI know that, Brian, but we really need this to happen, and it has to happen, now!\u201d
Brian looked at Michael and could see the determination and desire in his eyes.\u2018God, his eyes have always shown his feelings so well. I don\u2019t want to see the hurt that I have put there so many times anymore.\u2019
Brian sighed and whispered \u201cOK, Michael.\u201d Smiling and staring into Michael\u2019s eyes, he leaned in and kissed him gently. Michael deepened the kiss and soon they were stretched out on the floor, with Brian laying on top of Michael.Brian wanted this to be special, Michael was not just a trick to him and he knew the feeling was reciprocated. A flicker of unease passed over him as he thought about how Justin would react, because he knew he would have to tell him. Justin would probably figure it out anyway, clever little twot. Forcing himself to worry about that later, he concentrated on making Michael, his Mikey, feel good and in turn he relaxed and gave in to his own desire.
Undressing each other fully, their passion increased. Brian kissed down Michael\u2019s body, touching and kissing every area of skin, making Michael moan with each kiss. Michael let his hands roam over Brian\u2019s back and relished the satin feel of the skin under his hands. The body he had craved for all of those years was now in his grasp, willingly given in an act of love and friendship. Various thoughts ran through Michaels head as he felt Brian moving closer to his groin and he shook his head to clear them away.
He wanted nothing to taint this experience, he wanted to remember it in its entirety, forever. He savoured each kiss and caress that Brian gave to him and hoped that Brian was receiving as much joy as he was.As Brian spread Michael\u2019s legs wider to gain access to his hole, Michael gasped and thrust his body upwards . \u201cPatience, Mikey.\u201d Brian moved so he could lick and rim Michael, his love of this act ensuring maximum pleasure for them both.
Michael was now moaning and shouting Brian\u2019s name continually. Brian\u2019s fingers, now wet with lube, finally circled the prize, pressing gently at first and then a finger slid into Michael making him gasp again. \u201cAh Brian, so good, yes.\u201d Brian pushed another finger in and scissored and twisted them inside Michael.
\u201cMikey, so tight, ah.\u201d
\u201cNow Brian, I need you now!\u201d
Michael almost screamed , the passion so engulfed him.
\u201cSoon Mikey.\u201d Brian handed the condom to Mikey and looked into his eyes and smiled. He knelt up while Michael sheathed him, removed his fingers and positioned himself, pulling Michaels legs around his waist. Pushing in slowly, inch by inch until he was fully in he paused. Placing his hand over Michaels heart, he felt Michael push back so began to slowly and forcefully thrust in and out staring into Michaels eyes.\u201c
Ah, Brian, harder, please, harder.\u201d
Brian continued moving slowly, but firmly, watching the brown eyes turn darker with every thrust. Michael was now careering out of control and Brian could sense that he was close. Brian removed his hand from Michaels chest and grasped Michaels cock and began to pump it in time with his now increased thrusts.
\u201cAh Mikey, love you always have\u2026\u201d
Brian felt the cum over his fingers and allowed himself to come after a few more thrusts. He collapsed onto Michael who wrapped his arms round Brian tightly .
\u201cBri, thank you, I love you too, always will.
Ben had decided to surprise Michael at the store as he had finished up early at the college. Reaching the door he was surprised to find it locked. Peering in he could see nobody about although the lights were on. Figuring that Michael had just popped out for something he decides to go in and wait for him. Using the spare key he has, he enters the store. Walking towards the counter he hears a noise from the back and walking towards it hears Michaels voice.
\u201cMichael, are you alright?\u201d
Reaching the back room he is shocked to see Michael struggling to dress himself and Brian, also in a state of undress, uncharacteristically looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
\u201cWhat the fuck is going on here?\u201d
\u201cBen, it\u2019s not what you think, please let me explain!\u201d Michael is looking from Ben to Brian, a look of sheer horror on his face.
\u201cProfessor, listen to Michael, let him explain\u201d
\u201cYou shut the fuck up, I don\u2019t want to hear anything from you!\u201d Ben glares at Brian and looks at Michael.
\u201cWell, Michael explain, I\u2019m listening.\u201d
\u201cBen I\u2026Ben I\u2019m sorry, I was going to tell you I promise\u2026\u201d
\u201cTell me what\u2026that you have been cheating on me\u2026and with him?\u201d
\u201cHow could you, I trusted you, even though I knew you had feelings for him, I never thought that you would betray me like this!\u201d
Ben starts to walk away head down and fists clenched.
\u201cBen, please don\u2019t walk away, let me explain\u2026I have not been cheating on you\u2026this\u2026this thing with Brian\u2026I\u2026we\u2026it just\u2026\u201d
\u201cIt just happened\u2026is that what you are telling me?\u201d Ben roared at Michael, unshed tears in his eyes.
\u201cI can\u2019t deal with this now, I will see you at home, later.\u201d
And with that Ben storms out of the store.
Michael sinks to the floor, tears streaming down his face.
\u201cI\u2019ve lost him Brian, what am I gonna do?\u201d
Brian, now fully dressed, takes Michael in his arms and hugs him.
\u201cMichael, I don\u2019t know how, but we will fix this, I promise.\u201d
Brian has no idea how they will fix it, but he hopes they can\u2026he had never seen Ben so hurt and angry before.
\u2018God, we really fucked things up and good.\u2019
\u201cI am so sorry Michael, I should never have let this happen.\u201d
\u201cBrian, it\u2019s not just you, we both should have known better, I just wish\u2026\u201d
\u201cI know Mikey, me too, me too.\u201d Brian sighs heavily and stands, pulling Michael up with him.
Ben walked away from the store, angry thoughts swirling around his head. How could Michael have done this to him, to them? He\u2019d thought that they had something special and that Michael\u2019s feelings for Brian had receded. Brian had assured him, many times that he did not feel that way about Michael, they were just good friends. Huh, good friends, that\u2019s a laugh! Ben could not stop thinking of all the times that Michael had left him to go to Brian, the lost dates, the broken appointments.
Had Michael been lying all of those times, cheating , and with Brian\u2026the one man that Ben really felt threatened by, although he tried not to show it?
Slowing his steps now he had reached the park, he sat on an empty bench and put his head in his hands. Sighing heavily, he remembered Michael\u2019s face when he had entered the back of the store. Michael had looked scared and upset. He knew Michael could not lie worth a damn. Ben thought about the hold that Brian had on Michael and had known all along that the feelings ran deep.
He had thought by allowing Michael the freedom to continue their close friendship, that things were slowly changing. Michael told him he loved him and showed it freely. After their false start it had seemed that Michael was growing in the way he handled things.
Lately, he had noticed that Michael was not running after Brian as much as he usually did. Oh he still called him and went round to Brian\u2019s on odd evenings, but there had definitely been a reduction in the frequency that Brian\u2019s name was mentioned, he had to admit that.
Knowing that Michael had been upset when he learned of Brian and his past, even though he had tried to hide it, Ben was now thinking that maybe it had been done in a fit of jealousy. Remembering the look on his face, Ben reconsidered what he had seen. There was no mistaking what had gone on before he had arrived at the store, he was sure of that. Ben now thought of how Brian had looked. The man had looked totally freaked, not a usual look for the great Kinney. He had actually looked tearful and scared\u2026would not meet Ben\u2019s eyes\u2026something was not quite making sense here, Ben thought, leaning back on the bench. What was it Michael had said\u2026it just happened .
Maybe\u2026sighing again, Ben stood and began walking back to the store. He knew he could not wait for Michael to come home, he had to sort this out now.
Back at the store, Michael had calmed a little and Brian sighed.
\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Michael, Ben will be back, he really loves you, you know.\u201d
\u201cI thought so too, but after this I don\u2019t know.\u201d Michael said sadly.
Just then the door opened and Ben entered locking the door after him.
\u201cLook, I don\u2019t pretend to know what this is gonna mean to us all, but I love you Michael, you know that.\u201d
Michael stared at Ben for a moment , then a big smile lit up his face and he ran to Ben and hugged him tightly.
\u201cBen, Ben! I am really so sorry!\u201d \u201cI was going to tell you, but I did not know how.\u201d
Brian clears his throat and looks at Ben.
\u201c Look Ben, it really has just been this one time, I realised a lot of things today, mainly how badly I have made Michael feel over the years.
When he found out about us, I must admit I was worried because his feelings were hurt once again and it was my fault\u2026again! I must admit I came here today to finally give him what he wanted and needed, what we both needed. I was almost sure that he would push me away out of self preservation but this thing between you and I seems to have given him the courage to take what he wanted. I think we both feel relieved that it is finally done, it was long overdue and although we love each other and always will, we are not in love with each other and we never would be.\u201d
\u201cBrian, I think I understand but I can\u2019t say I am happy about it. I knew Michael had these feelings for you and you for him, I just never thought you would\u2026that he\u2026well you know. However, now that it has happened maybe you can both move on and still be the true friends that you are.
I more than anyone know how short life can be and to have regrets of time wasted or things unsaid or done is not the way to live life to the fullest.\u201d
\u201cBen, always Zen Ben\u2026you always seem to know just what to say. I know I always say sorry is bullshit\u2026but this time I mean it when I say I\u2019m sorry, really.\u201d
\u201cZen Ben\u2026is that how you see me?\u201dBen smiles and laughs out loud.
\u201cYeah\u2026well.\u201d Brian smirks and laughs as well.
\u201cBen, I am so sorry, you know I love you and I really would not do anything to hurt you but I know this thing between me and Brian has caused you and I a lot of stress and now I think we can just get on with our lives, me especially.\u201d
\u201cMichael, I know you love me and I think we will be just fine.\u201d
Ben looks at Michael and they kiss. Ben looks at Brian worriedly.
\u201cBrian, what about Justin, you will have to tell him, how do you think he will react?\u201d
Pulling his lips into his mouth, Brian sighs deeply.
\u201cI really don\u2019t know, I suppose I will have to tell him but truthfully, I don\u2019t know if I can.\u201d
\u201cWould it help if we were there when you tell him?\u201d
\u201cMaybe, I\u2019m not sure. No, I think I have to do this myself.\u201d
\u201cBrian, we will be there if you need us to be, you know that, right?\u201d
\u201cThanks, Mikey, Professor.\u201d
Brian kisses Michael on the lips as usual and then surprisingly kisses Ben as well.
He then turns and leaves the store.
Heading home to the loft Brian is wondering how he is going to tell Justin or indeed if he can get away without saying anything at all. Of course that would be the better option but he knew he would not be able to hide it from Justin. He would be on to him in a flash, he knew that for sure. \u2018
Suck it up, Kinney\u2026you know you are gonna tell him so just get it over with.
\u201d Reaching his building he enters the elevator, delaying his arrival for a short while. Standing at his door, he takes a few deep breaths and opens the door, resigned to his fate, whatever that will be.He looks around for Justin, the loft is silent.
He lets out a sigh of relief. Justin is not home yet. He can use the little time he has to think about what he will say.Moving towards the bedroom he undresses and gets into the shower. Memories of Justin and he taking their many showers together fill his mind. He feels his chest tighten, he can hardly breathe. \u2018Fuck! Am I having a panic attack?
He struggles to take a few deep breaths, then he finds himself shaking and actually breaking down in tears. He slides down the shower wall holding his head in his hands. \u2018
Well, no-one will be surprised, I fucked up again,as usual. Typical Brian Kinney they will say and who could blame them. I am so good at being that Brian Kinney, it\u2019s just what they will expect anyway. But Justin, how will he feel, he has been so happy lately but he still has the occasional nightmare, I don\u2019t want see him hurt anymore, FUCK!\u2026I don\u2019t think I can tell him, shit, what am I gonna do?\u2019
Justin arrives home and opens the loft door.
\u201cBrian, I\u2019m home, sorry I am late.\u201d
Dropping his bag and kicking off his shoes he walks further into the room looking for Brian. Hearing the shower he grins and starts taking his clothes off as he walks towards the bedroom. Opening the shower door he is shocked to see Brian on the floor, sobbing.
\u201cBrian, whats wrong?\u201d
He kneels down in front of Brian and takes him in his arms. Brian hugs him tightly but continues sobbing. Justin is getting scared now, Brian has never cried like this to his knowledge. Justin just holds him and whispers to him, telling him he is there and rubbing his back. Realising that the water is running cold, he stands and turns it off, reaching back down to Brian.
\u201cCome on Brian, lets get dry at least, OK?\u201d
He is relieved when Brian takes his hand and moves out of the shower. Taking a towel Justin quickly dries Brian off and hands him his robe. Drying himself quckly, he grabs another robe and faces Brian. Brian has stopped crying now and is just standing there, staring at the floor. He looks so dejected and lost that Justin feels tears threatening to fall.
\u201cBrian\u2026Brian\u2026BRIAN!\u201d
At the raised voice Brian looks up and Justin again takes him into his arms leading him to the bed. Helping Brian onto the bed, Justin spoons up to him holding him tightly and trying to soothe him as much as he can, wondering what the hell has happened. \u2018
Christ, what the hell is going on, has something happened to Gusor Michael? Lindsay? Shit! I have never seen Brian like this, what the fuck is it?\u2019
Feeling Brian sigh heavily he turns him around and looks at him. Touching his face softly he stares into Brian\u2019s eyes. He sees the sadness there before Brian can get his walls up again . Taking a deep breath and trying to calm his fast beating heart he begins to speak.
\u201cBrian, what is going on, what\u2019s wrong, please tell me, you are scaring me so much. Please, you can tell me anything. Has something happened to Gus? Or Michael or Lindz, what the hell is it?\u201d
Brian realises what Justin must have been thinking and struggles to answer.
\u201cShit, Justin, no, they are alright, it\u2019s not them, OK?\u201d
Brian\u2019s voice is hoarse and cracks as he speaks. \u201cI, I have to tell you something, I don\u2019t think you will like it, but I know I have to tell you.\u201d
\u201cFuck Brian, just tell me now,please, you are really scaring me now!\u201d
Brian can feel Justin\u2019s heartbeat along with his own and taking a couple of deep breaths looks at Justin.
\u201cIsleptwithMichael!\u201d
Closing his eyes and turning away from Justin, he curls up, hugging his knees...
Justin is shocked and surprised at what he has just heard but the overwhelming feeling he has is one of relief. Imagining all the horrible things he had thought when he found Brian in this state and not knowing what the hell had happened was almost worse than seeing Brian Kinney cry!
Justin gets off the bed and walks to the kitchen trying to hide the smile that is threatening to break into laughter. Going to the fridge he takes out two bottles of water. Placing them on the counter he leans against it and sighs then starts to laugh. Trying to disguise it with a cough he slides to the floor covering his mouth and putting his head on his knees.
Brian lifts his head when he feels Justin move off the bed and watches him move toward the kitchen. Seeing him take the water out he closes his eyes. Opening them again and seeing Justin on the floor, he moves off the bed and towards him. Seeing him shaking he runs to him and kneels on the floor in front of him.
\u201cJustin, I\u2019m sorry, so sorry, I, I really never meant to hurt you, I\u2019m sorry!\u201d
Justin looks up at Brian and is overcome with another fit of giggles.
\u201cBrian, I am sorry, I just can\u2019t deal at the moment, this is too\u2026\u201d
Collapsing into Brian\u2019s arms he continues to laugh, tears streaming down his face. Brian is at first annoyed that Justin is laughing and then relieved at the fact. Slowly he begins to laugh as well, hugging Justin to him tightly.
Eventually the laughter subsides and they look into each others eyes and smile.
\u201cI love you Brian Kinney, just don\u2019t ever do that to me again!\u201d
\u201cYou mean you are alright with what I did?\u201d
\u201cBrian, I know you and I know you love me, even if you can\u2019t say it! You and Michael have been skirting around each other for years, it\u2019s about time that this happened, I wondered if it ever would. I am not glad it happened but I am glad you cared enough to tell me, although I could have done without the drama!\u201d
Smiling at Brian he stands up and pulls Brian up into another hug.
\u201cFuck, Sunshine, I always knew you were smart!\u201d
\u201cBrian Kinney so gives a damn!\u2026I told you I was onto you and I meant it!\u201d
Smiling down at Justin, Brian stares into his eyes and sees the love shining there. Never having had much use for religion, heaven or hell, he is surprised to find himself remembering a few words of an old Motown song.
\u2018\u2026heaven must have sent you, into my arms!\u2019
Kissing him slowly and sensually he realises just how thankful he is that he and Justin found each other that night outside Babylon.
End<\/a>
By the way I got to the dentist on time yesterday...yaaaay me!
later x","comments":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/10508.html?view=comments#comments","category":"my qaf fics"},{"guid":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/4686.html","pubDate":"Wed, 12 Nov 2008 07:35:26 GMT","author":"sandra_qaf","link":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/4686.html","description":"
http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=hnHyy8gkNEE<\/a><\/center>
","comments":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/4686.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/2350.html","pubDate":"Tue, 30 Sep 2008 19:12:39 GMT","author":"sandra_qaf","link":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/2350.html","description":"
To my lovely friend positive_pat...hope your day is wonderful and you get all that you want and all that you need.
Yes i know it's a little early but I am posting this now in case I forget on Thursday!
love sandra x","comments":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/2350.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/1843.html","pubDate":"Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:27:45 GMT","title":"...always knew I was hot stuff!","author":"sandra_qaf","link":"https:\/\/sandra-qaf.livejournal.com\/1843.html","description":"got this from Viv