Heh - this is me at my nastiest. I actually rewrote this for the series I have on Archive of our Own, because this was a little too nasty. Glad you liked it, though!
I'm impressed. I've never read something like this before, but by the end of a fast frantic read, I too felt a bit used and abused. I was drawn in and captivated much to my surprise and pleasure.…
My trick may not work for you, but when I'm stuck I watch visuals, or songvids. Something about seeing a character, or like character, or like scene, done by someone else often helps me sort out…