99% of entries are:






As of 2012.

 I got Bayonetta in the mail recently and now at chapter 5. The game is fantastic like I expected it to be. I love Bayonetta, love her to bits! Ass kicking magical woman who won't take shit is the kind of thing I was in the mood for.

Some feminists hate the game, but I count myself among the kind that likes the game. Although it could have been executed better one has to keep in mind that sex does sell. Its not right but thats how it is. She's not a two dimensional fetish model (unlike what I heard from Star Ocean 4.) the game manages to throw sex in your face thats over the top that its funny.

I'm just waiting for the male equivalent. Which by the way, I have managed to do successfully with my character the Firefigher in the Crescent City Mage Campaign: Jason Heathrowe. He's the sexy rock hard washboard thats been in a calendar, (You know, one of THOSE calenders) he's won the “gayest firefighter of California” and a local celebrity. He's a bit smarter than the lovable Jason Stackhouse of True Blood but inadvertently these two characters are similar.

I've had a lot of fun (fun meaning character development) playing with Jason's sexuality which is somewhat messed up but does not fall into the anything-that-moves bisexuality stereotype. He's not quite full on full bi more like bi-curious. He's only into one type of guy (which upon deeper psych evals is the same type of individual that is his younger brother. But nobody but me has managed to figure that out. Looks like I'll have to try harder on that one.) This guy is more messed up than he first appears. Even doubly creepy is that these two characters are a reflection of myself in some regards. Not completely of course but I figured I'd play around with a couple of things I've always wanted to do.

So, wait, am I making love to myself then? How egotistical and fucked up! Lets move on!

Limbo is a game I played at a friends house all the way through. Its a black and white scroller game on the 360 arcade. Its morbidly awesome and absolutely worth the ten bucks. I died a whole bunch and flipped shit at the spiders but man oh man does this game have atmosphere. I certainly recommend Limbo to everybody. This game is wickedly morbid. Sick as sin? Yes it is. Totally up my alley.

I borrowed Heavy Rain from a friend of mine. Actually right now I'm installing the data to my hard drive to play it. LOVED the demo so I'm pretty sure I'm going to love this game. In the same paragraph I should mention I'm borrowing Indigo Prophecy which is the 1st game. I should play Indigo Prophecy before Heavy Rain but THE GAME, IT CALLS TO ME!

James Sunderland in Silent Hill 2 haunts me. I beat this game with my friends like over a week ago and it still is freaking me out. I've had dreams, man. Dreams. Speaking about dreams. I've had one on Resident Evil 4. THAT I wrote about. I dreamed an entire novella's worth of action and wrote down as well. Not sure if it'll blossom into HUGE NOVEL OF WIN. But I'm hoping and watering the baby sprouts of this idea. Supernatural horror stuff. It disturbs me. If it disturbs me that much then its something that'll need to be

I'm slowly but surely delving into the horror genre, which is as I'm sure people have attested to in the past: I hated horror. Before you couldn't get me to sit down and watch Resident Evil. Yet last year I managed to play co op through RE5. OK, so its not as horroriffic as some of the earlier games HOWEVER it is still Resident Evil. Blood and guts and mutated beings coming-after-you-oh-fuck-RUN count as horrifying to me. I'm in a lot of campaigns centered around horror since the dungeon master loves it. I beat Silent Hill 2. I'm dreaming and writing horror. I didn't particularly sign up for this however I'm just going to roll with it for now. It makes me take those crazy nightmares and put them to something of use. Hell, maybe it'll be crazy enough to publish. We'll see.

If you can't run from it, make love with it until you like it. Thats what I've been doing. This only applies to tangible ideas and not people. I by no means am I into Rape is Love. No thanks.

And that is all at the moment. Over and out.

 Holy shit d00dz, its been how long since I've had internets? Right. Gravity broke my usb modem thing. I was without the precious datanets for er a while. But thankfully I was hanging with my friends for like two of those days and had such a blast that for two days I did not mourn for the nets.

We currently have three running campaigns going on: The London Magi,Vampires in Rome in 300 ACE and a new one in Crescent City. Absolutely fascinating so far. Its a different kind of Mage game starting as mortals and the player characters are all neighbors in this honkey tonk town.

Crescent City is a real city in Northern California with the Redwoods nearby and a lake called Dead Lake. Its right on the beach as well. The nearest city is Eureka. My character's name is Jason Heathrowe. He's a firefighter with a hot temper. He's also a red head, get my running motif? Besides that he's built like a brick house. He's got mad parkour skills out the ass to boot. Also: He's been in a calender and quite popular with the ladies and fans. Going the next layer down, he's got a younger bro and an absent father that he wants to murder. He's all patricidal considering what he's done to him and his mother back in the day. Interesting to play with. The ST plays it all out beautifully.

Before we start the Crescent City campaign, we have been playing Silent Hill 2 together. Man oh man was this game crazy. I've lost it a few times. Tweaking out crazy cradling myself action. Yeah. The game affected me that much. Yes I know its a game and all but its such an interesting fascinating psychological fuck up its hard not to be temporarily affected by it. I feel like I played through hell and strangely, I think I've worked something out between the loss of my mother and myself. Its so strange to say that a game made me work through something like that but there it is in all of its weirdness. I'm not going to credit Silent Hill 2 for 'changing my life' even thats just over the top for me.

If you're curious, I got the good ending. Here's the vid of it.

Alex Mercer is badass. I effing love him. I'd do him. As long as he didn't have his whipping chain black slimy tentacle thing out but then again, I could get into it. Sexual innuendos aside, Prototype while managing to pull a reference from comic books manages to execute the game fairly well without too much repeating tasks. Well, there's some of that but its not as bad as Assassins Creed 1 or sometimes inFamous.

I like both inFamous and Prototype. I don't prefer one over the other. They're separate entities that have their upsides and downsides. That I can dig. Might seem noncommittal to you to chose one side or the other but to me its not one or the other, I win because I get to play through these stories and enjoyed them both.

Speaking about PS3 games, I'm making sweet sweet love to the PS3 breaking its internet virginity tonight. Its like trying a new candy and finding something you love. I've never played playstation home or seen how well the awesome Stanford folding@home project is going. Holy shit dude! News while I'm Folding! I can dig it, yo!

I know it'll eventually wear off but right now its shiny and pretty and I like my shinies!

I'm just one hellova horny mofo tonight, aren't I? Must be still channeling that sexually frustrated character of mine. Oh woe is Jason Heathrowe.

So yeah. I wrote a long while i had a desire to read 40 books this year so lemme give an update. Seriously doubt I'll reach forty books but oh well!


A Time To Change (Sansa)
Good Life Becoming (Sansa)
Betrayal Can Happen Only If You Love (Sansa) (All HP romance actiony stories)
Pbackwriter 
The Demons Librarian (Lili Saintcrow)
Mage: The Awakening (White Wolf)
Mage: Seers of the Throne (WW)
Mage: The Free Counsel (WW)
J-Harry Potter #5 (currently reading)
Pub Rants (Agent in Denver)
Enough science fiction/fantasy from tor.com
The lesser key of solomon (LOL Yes I did.)
Most of: http://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/
http://blog.nathanbransford.com/
ontd_feminism.livejournal.com
The last RG Veda manga I own. 

Yeah, I'm counting websites. Why? Because I have no other way of recording how much I read on the internets.

Interested in reading sometime in my life list: (Haha, not likely but I like making lists)

The Magicians by Lev Grossman
Mage: The Ascension (Old World of Darkness book)
Boston Unveiled (WW: Mage)
Guardians of the Veil (WW Mage)
Tome of the Watchtowers (WW Mage)
Shadows of the United Kingdom 
Strange Angels
The last two in the Artemis Fowl series, also the one in I see in Japanese.
The Alchymist series
Boneshaker by Cherie Priest
City of Bones 2nd book
V for Vendetta
X/1999 which has been on my list FOOOREVER!

Among a billion others I wrote down and promptly forgot about. This is actually the slush book pile. Some I already have but have yet to pick up and some I just haven't gotten around to getting yet. 

Notice a pattern? I sure do. Also: Comics are awesome, I don't read enough of them. I should. I dunno why I don't. 

Well, I have an even bigger pile of stuff to haul back to Powells to buy more stuff. If the pickings are good in the Japanese section, then certainly a lot of Japanese books/manga. 

I'm super cranky. So I won't say anything else at the moment.

 I keep starting entries and I never finish them. But thats alright. It was nothing but the same old same old.

Still doing writing, trying to clean a biohazard level 5 house, trying to keep it together. All in all another day. Slow but progress.

By the looks of it, I'm going to SCHOOL!!! Thanks to the generosity of my friends who said it was OK and kept pushing me towards school. I'm trying like hell to figure out how I'm going to be able to pay for books. Its one class but its better than nothing. i just hope I didn't pick the teacher who likes to use books that cost $200. That would suck.

So slowly but surely I'm getting back on my feet. Gotta think positive! Gotta get back into clubs! Clubs saved my ass so many times, I'm not kidding you. Clubs and Table Dwellers made me way more sociable and cool. Be cool like 2008/09 awesomesauce. 

My ability to articulate has finally returned. You can bet your ass I'm spending a lot of time analyzing myself and what I can do to help myself. I am my own best counselor, proven time and time again. 

Now time to go pwn some n00bs.

 August 1st I started the next book. It has no title yet. So far its going alright. Writing as if my ass is on FIRE, I tell you! FIRE! Trying to slow down a bit considering I don't need to finish the book until the end of October. So 1.5K wordcount a day is a perfect length than my previous 2K-3K a day. I think the most words I have written in one day in the last book was close to 5K. Thats serious Professional Writer Speeds right there. I have a hard time trying to manage something like 3K a day. So 1.5K is really nothing.

I updated my backloggery theme, check it out! 
On the game side of things, been playing Xenosaga Ep 1 and Persona 4. Although I'm getting the urge to finally get unstuck from FF13 and finish the godsdamn game already! Stupid boss! I switch between games so much its crazy. 

Japanese, Japanese! 
I'm still studying of course but its going slow. Trying to get through Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Listening to the audio book. I've given up on the watching the news. ITS JUST TOO BORING FOR ME!!!!! Instead I read famitsu and will try scrounging around the internet for other audio stuff to listen to. I don't wanna have something read to me like I'm a dumbass. Real Shiz. Native Materials. Ya know? I am such a fan of the HP #1 audio book because the person reading it does it in different voices for the characters. Most Entertaining Thing Ever! It was such a gem finding that DL. I wish I could find more of the HP audio books!

Last three weeks have been a blur. Battling with depression isn't easy. There were some parts where I feared of being alone for so many hours. Am I being a little too honest? I'm kinda amazed how my brain loves to torture me. The things it says to make me even consider such an option. It was as if I have lost my mind. In all practicality, I did lose my mind. At least the control over it. It did remind me of what its like. I now have a very good look to use towards writing. 

Kinda like. You can write about smoking but you can't catch the intrinsic strangely hypnotic release it has unless you actually smoked a cigarette. I don't have to experience everything I'm writing about but it helps to have it to draw upon it. I now have the fresh memory of what its like to be so depressingly suicidal, the exact kind of thing I'm going to make one of my own characters to go through. So in a sense, I've got to take the bad and make something good from it. 

I also learned I need to practice mediation much more. I swear I was in that state of mind for four or five days straight. Quite taxing if I do say so myself.

Well, other than that I'm pretty damn tired. 

 I did not realize how depressed I was. 

I mean at some points I was like "Yeah I KNOW I am so depressed because I'm not getting out of bed."  But for a while there I forgot how deep in the depression hole I was. 

Until last night when I had such a blast of long over due fun it makes me well, a bit shocked to say the least. Of how depressed I am. This one is feeling a bit rejuvenated which is like the first time this year that this has happened. 

OK I take that back.

herchuckness made me feel pretty damn good. Oh and going to see my friend too was another good thing. But by the sure mass of mountains of depression it all felt a bit muted than the regular effect of it is. I mean when I got chuckchuck's package in the mail my regular response is to jump up and down for an hour but the muted response? Crying. Yeah, I cried like mofo. Tears of joy no doubt and I felt better afterwards. *hugs doujins* I own a piece of Z-H! That means more to me than buying porn by the pound in Japan. 

Anyways.

I have some fun things in the future to look forward to. Like the beach for example. Tillamook icecream FTW!!!


And thats all.

I think I'm getting sick. Meh.

I had an intense mage game last night. I was throughly impressed. I mean, as a person who's quite fond of plot and character development. 

My character is going through some hard times. I mean you are when you see Lucifer standing in front of you and you have your ultimate enemy's heart in your hand after sticking him through the chest with your cane sword. Oh yeah the enemy which was helping you in the end but naw, she didn't know that until after he was killed.

My poor character toiled over a one shot super spell from the Mind Arcanum. Well the ruler of the Mind Arcanum is the biggest asshole in the universe so he commanded her to basically rape a cabal member to get this super spell. No that wasn't fun for her. She didn't really have a choice either. Nope. Not when your body gets controlled but you're still kinda there watching. Poor woman was crying afterwards. I mean its a character secret that this woman is like just as bad as the people who did the same to her in the past. Like a double whammy. Well, she dropped a big hint about that one later to the same guy. 

I'm still reeling from the events of last night. You know its good when you're still thinking about it! We basically gamed for 11 hours yesterday after I got about 4/5 hours of sleep. Urgh. I wish I had a bit more sleep. I feel like shit today.

Also there's this dog. The dog is cute but OH MY GODS SO ANNOYING! It won't stop whining or complaining every second that its owner isn't here. I hate it I hate it I hate it. So loud it wakes me up and then I can't go back to sleep.

Doesn't matter what I do, pet the dog let the dog go out give it treats IT WON'T STOP WHINING UUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH

Anyways.

I have the enemy's heart in the jar. Now knowing that he actually helped the Free Counsel is difficult. Its almost like Hamlet holding the skull but instead of debating my life its debating reviving the one man I thought was the enemy. 

*holds the jar containing the heart* 

To revive or not to revive, that is the question. 
I, unbeknown to my knowledge, killed
Possibly the greatest ally of the Free Counsel
A man which single handedly
Causes so much chaos to my person
To be branded a traitor by my own kind
Or 
The Free Counsel lose someone priceless 
To revive or not to revive 
To be traitor for a greater good to my order
Or
Glorious and faithful to the Magi of London
The same ones who detested me and my mentor and our order

Where does my allegiance lie?

 I STARTED PERSONA 4! 

YAY!

About godsdamn time if I do say so myself. So far its been good. I am a fan of Yosuke's hair but so far I haven't fallen head over heels like I did with Chihiro in Persona 3 a long long time ago.

I think I'm still glowing from Willow anyways. <3~

*coughs*

Not much else is going on with me at the moment. Still writing shitloads and noodling away in my brain at the next project. My friends want to goto the beach sometime soon I hope we do. I like the beach. Well, specifically I like the ocean and the fresh breeze. I'm not a particular fan of the sun anyways.

I've been watching two shows since I've been here. True Blood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer oh and Tudors. Yeah, that makes three doesn't it? Oh whatever. 

First, True Blood.

Very interesting. Sadly some of the storyline is a bit predictable. But plot aside, the characters are absolutely FASCINATING! This one particular arc I didn't like very much but now that we're past that slough, its back to the awesome win that it is. 

Whats this show about? Its about Vampires. Its set in modern day Louisiana. The main character is a woman called Sookie who's a waitress in a bar and grill called Merriottes. She meets a vampire named Bill who orders a True Blood. True Blood is a synthetic blood developed by the Japanese for vampires. In the last three years, Vampires have come out of the shadows and have revealed themselves to the masses. There's a long on going political battle between the rights of vampires and the ongoing relationships, paranoia and general stereotypes of vampires are explored in this. 

Its part romance, part supernatural, and part thriller. The characters make the show shine. 

My two favorite characters are Bill and Lafayette. Lafayette is not your typical gay man stereotype which is refreshing. He's really badass. Unfortunately you don't see too much on screen action time. The series is focused on heterosexuals even more specifically the romance of Bill and Sookie. But the little light that Lafayette gets, is good. 

This show has a lot of sex in it too. Loads of sex and gore. One scene you see someone ripping out their throat and the next you see people going at it. Sex in this show is generally not suppost to be turning on anybody. Its just there, being done by anybody. Its not sacred, its just a thing. Thats a motif going on in the show. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Oh, I love my Willow and Giles! I know this series is old as hell but I was one of the few individuals who did not watch it when it was airing. The first season was too predictable and cheesy but as my friend said, it does get better later on. Like I said, WIllow and Giles are my favorite characters. Willow, I would do anything for her. I already know some of the future plot that Willow eventually comes out of the closet and becomes a super badass witch. Despite that I'm enjoying her very nerdy awesomeness. I can relate to her pretty damn well if I do say myself. 

Giles. Halscean. I'm serious, he's just like Halscean in the flesh! Oh whoops. I don't think you'll get that reference. I have a big boner for Giles and an even bigger hard on for Willow.** Oh, poor me. I'm torn between these loves of mine. What can I say? I FUCKING LOVE BRAINS AND WIT. *growls*

I'm not a fan of Buffy. Lol. I know. I heard she gets way more badass. I might warm up to her then. But for now she's just going on and on about ' wanting to being normal' but shit girl! Being "NORMAL" is so overrated! Fuck that. I remember once pining to be 'normal' but normal means ignorant in my book. 

I would rather die than be ignorant. I take great pride in my brains! *nods*


The Tudors

I watched the series finale, and it was well done. I especially liked the lighting, the costumes and the characters in this one. I'm not completely caught up in the series but I knew anyways how the story goes so its not a big deal for me. My favorite character is probably Queen Catherine. So regal and gracious, she wins in my book. I have no crushes in this series. This series is filled to the brim with sex scenes as well. 

I'm serious, its SEX SEX SEX every episode. *shrugs*

And that concludes the visual entertainment portion of the last three weeks. Surprisingly, I haven't played a whole lot of games this time around. Some Nier and Red Dead Redemption but nothing solid enough to require a sign in and a beat status on backloggery. I'd trade gaming time with writing time right now. For sure. 40K done. I mean, c'mon! The games still sit there. They aren't going anywhere. Writing is fluid, all about catching as much through the words and many more slip through my fingers back into the creative cosmos. 

**Willow is special. I'm generally very picky when it comes to women. Sometimes I want to hug her and be her best friend. Sometimes I want to collaborate with her on projects. And sometimes I just want to plow her until next July. *growls animalistic*  I'm a bad bad girlfriend, thats for sure. I can't deny that. I have a bit of an appetite. But I'm respectful and a gentlewoman when it comes to this. *nods*  I want a Willow. She's my type of woman. *pines* I'm more than happily put in the time and effort because I would love her. Believe it or not. Anyways, I need to love someone a lot to have sex with them. *blush* I'm not into the casual sex scene...