A post about lots of stuff.
1. Today a fanfic made me cry.
Now, I wasn't weeping or anything, but it made me tear up and sort of shiver in a pathetic, horrified fashion with my hand over my mouth. I think I've transcended all acceptable levels of fandom geekery. You know how Eddie Izzard (of whom I require an icon, stat) says that if you're a woman and you fall down in heels, it's embarrassing, but if you're a bloke and you fall down in heels, you have to kill yourself? Well, I think this is like that. If a good book makes you cry, you're possibly a dork. If a good fanfic makes you cry, you must be evicted from the planet.
I mean, don't get me wrong, it's an amazing fic. But that kind of makes it nerdier. Damn you,
maldoror_gw.
2. The day before last my friend Melissa's six-year-old cousin Lauren got abducted.
Her Aunt Jill and Uncle Mark took Lauren to WalMart and left her in the car to play her gameboy. When they came out, the car was gone. Four hours later they got a call from a guy saying, "I have your daughter here...can you come pick her up?"
What happened was that a 15-year-old boy decided he wanted to go for a joyride and hotwired their SUV. He went to pick up two of his buddies, and when they opened the car door, they were like "Uh...did you realize there's a kid in here?"
He did not.
When Lauren discovered that the people in the car were not her parents (she'd had her headphones in), she freaked out. They locked her in the car, went inside, panicked, came back out, and took her inside to sit on the couch while they figured out what to do with her, because it was cold out. They ended up offering to let her mess around on the Playstation while they called her parents, and she provided them with her Hello Kitty address book. So they called her folks, and Mark came to pick her up and get the car and turned them in to the cops. The kid who stole the car got three months in jail; his "accomplices" got something like three weeks. Lauren apparently had a lot of fun playing Megaman Racer with Accomplice #2. All is well now, but honestly, if you're going to steal a car? Check it for little girls first. And have a valid driver's license.
3. Yesterday my friend Evan told me his cops story.
Now, Evan comes from Niles, which is the ghetto of Southwest Michigan. It's not a nice place. He had two friends, Vance and Aiden, with whom he spent most days hanging out around town. Vance, being a dumbshit, had a habit of stealing stuff. The police, being not quite so dumb, had a habit of stopping to try to pick Vance up whenever they saw him. So about once or twice a month, Evan found himself running from the cops with Vance and Aiden.
They had a route. This route included their acquaintance Trevor's house. See, Trevor was a hardcore stoner, so he was always sitting at home on his sofa, and his house was in front of the lot where Aiden kept his car. So they would kick Trevor's back door in and barrel through his house, shouting "COPS!" at the top of their lungs. Trevor would hop up, shove the gate out of the way, and yank the front door open so they could charge through interrupted and Vance didn't slam his idiot head on the door. Then they would jump the fence, pile into Aiden's car, and take off.
This is why Evan cheerfully hollers "COPS!' whenever he bolts through a room.
I asked him once why he hung out with someone as stupid as Vance; he told me that the company may have been crap but the chases were damn exciting. I think everyone had a friend sort or like Vance, except that probably most people don't have to leap over a busted armchair and dodge a decrepit three-legged dog in a druggie's living room because of them.
The end.
Now, I wasn't weeping or anything, but it made me tear up and sort of shiver in a pathetic, horrified fashion with my hand over my mouth. I think I've transcended all acceptable levels of fandom geekery. You know how Eddie Izzard (of whom I require an icon, stat) says that if you're a woman and you fall down in heels, it's embarrassing, but if you're a bloke and you fall down in heels, you have to kill yourself? Well, I think this is like that. If a good book makes you cry, you're possibly a dork. If a good fanfic makes you cry, you must be evicted from the planet.
I mean, don't get me wrong, it's an amazing fic. But that kind of makes it nerdier. Damn you,
maldoror_gw.2. The day before last my friend Melissa's six-year-old cousin Lauren got abducted.
Her Aunt Jill and Uncle Mark took Lauren to WalMart and left her in the car to play her gameboy. When they came out, the car was gone. Four hours later they got a call from a guy saying, "I have your daughter here...can you come pick her up?"
What happened was that a 15-year-old boy decided he wanted to go for a joyride and hotwired their SUV. He went to pick up two of his buddies, and when they opened the car door, they were like "Uh...did you realize there's a kid in here?"
He did not.
When Lauren discovered that the people in the car were not her parents (she'd had her headphones in), she freaked out. They locked her in the car, went inside, panicked, came back out, and took her inside to sit on the couch while they figured out what to do with her, because it was cold out. They ended up offering to let her mess around on the Playstation while they called her parents, and she provided them with her Hello Kitty address book. So they called her folks, and Mark came to pick her up and get the car and turned them in to the cops. The kid who stole the car got three months in jail; his "accomplices" got something like three weeks. Lauren apparently had a lot of fun playing Megaman Racer with Accomplice #2. All is well now, but honestly, if you're going to steal a car? Check it for little girls first. And have a valid driver's license.
3. Yesterday my friend Evan told me his cops story.
Now, Evan comes from Niles, which is the ghetto of Southwest Michigan. It's not a nice place. He had two friends, Vance and Aiden, with whom he spent most days hanging out around town. Vance, being a dumbshit, had a habit of stealing stuff. The police, being not quite so dumb, had a habit of stopping to try to pick Vance up whenever they saw him. So about once or twice a month, Evan found himself running from the cops with Vance and Aiden.
They had a route. This route included their acquaintance Trevor's house. See, Trevor was a hardcore stoner, so he was always sitting at home on his sofa, and his house was in front of the lot where Aiden kept his car. So they would kick Trevor's back door in and barrel through his house, shouting "COPS!" at the top of their lungs. Trevor would hop up, shove the gate out of the way, and yank the front door open so they could charge through interrupted and Vance didn't slam his idiot head on the door. Then they would jump the fence, pile into Aiden's car, and take off.
This is why Evan cheerfully hollers "COPS!' whenever he bolts through a room.
I asked him once why he hung out with someone as stupid as Vance; he told me that the company may have been crap but the chases were damn exciting. I think everyone had a friend sort or like Vance, except that probably most people don't have to leap over a busted armchair and dodge a decrepit three-legged dog in a druggie's living room because of them.
The end.