Are you surprised
Title: Gemini, Virgo
Fandom: X-Factor
Characters/Pairing: Jamie/Layla, Shatterstar/Rictor, callback to Jamie/Terry
Rating: PG-13 (sexual situations)
Word Count: 675
Summary: Jamie encounters a problem.
A/N: Canon has probably overruled this, but I fudged it in my neverending, futile attempt to be funny.
"I'm a virgin!?"
"Not really, no," Monet said calmly.
Jamie was not calm. He was not in the same neighborhood as calm. He wasn't in an adjacent state to calm. "I'm a virgin!"
Monet sighed. "Madrox--"
But Jamie was walking away, tearing at his hair and staring wide-eyed at nothing. Monet rolled her eyes and followed in case Jamie hyperventilated or did something funny.
Jamie came upon most of the team piled on and around the sofa, watching something in black and white that Longshot was finding hilarious. "I'm a virgin!" he informed them all, loudly.
"No, you're not," Theresa and Layla said in unison.
"I am! I'm a freaking virgin!"
"We found out that Jamie Prime has never had sex," Monet clarified in response to Rictor's raised eyebrow. "Only his dupes."
"Wow, really?" said Guido. "Seems unlikely."
"No, it makes perfect sense!" Jamie replied. He was nearly hysterical, pacing around the room and wringing his hands. "If I decide to go out, nine times out of ten, I send a dupe! One night stands: all dupes! And I can't make a decision to save my life; I don't just decide to seduce someone! The dupes do!" He stopped dead, as though being struck with realization anew. "Oh, god. I'm a virgin!"
"Madrox, you're not a virgin," said Monet. "You remember the experience of the act and that's what matters."
"Is it?" Jamie snapped. "Is it!?"
Shatterstar raised a hand. "I'd be more than happy to help you rectify the-- ow," he finished, as Rictor cuffed him in the back of the head.
"Do you have any idea how old I am!?" Jamie asked the sofa.
"Strangely, no," said Theresa, looking, troubled, into the middle distance.
"Way too old to be a freaking virgin!" said Jamie. "Oh, god," he moaned. "How is this happening?"
"Madrox," Monet sighed, "you are making me regret agreeing to help you sort out your memories in order to make your dupes less unpredictable, and when I am made to regret things I take actions that other people regret."
Jamie grabbed Monet by the shoulders, ignoring to her scowl of disapproval. "You don't understand! I am untouched! I am pure in the eyes of god! I. Am a freaking. Virgin!"
"You have ten seconds to remove your hands before I do it for you."
Wisely, Jamie let her go and bit his knuckle in a panic. Longshot spoke up from the floor. "I could help you pick up a girl. Guido tells me I am a superb wingman."
"Look, Jamie, ah think if ye remember having had an experience it counts as having happened," Terry pointed out, reasonably. "Aren't you the one who always says 'I spent four years in Tibet,' not 'one of my dupes spent four years in Tibet'?"
"Not for this," Jamie said, grave now. "This is different. This is a question of my manhood."
"What, the question of whether anyone's seen it?" Rictor asked, snickering.
"It's not funny," Jamie moped. "I'm a virgin and I'm in my 30's and people are laughing at me for it."
"We're laughin' at you for freakin' out about it," Guido clarified.
It was at this point that Layla stood up.
"Why are you leaving?" asked Shatterstar, curious.
"Because this is when," she announced.
"When what?"
Layla crossed the room and seized Jamie's arm, dragging him out of the room. "When I take Madrox to his bedroom and give him the wildest ride of his life," she said calmly.
"But wait," Jamie protested, allowing himself to be dragged, "shouldn't my first time be special?"
"I'll light some candles and promise to be gentle."
"Okay, good enough."
"A note: I will not actually be gentle. I'll just promise to."
"I'm comfortable with that," Jamie said happily, and they were gone.
Rahne came into the room with popcorn. "Where's Layla dragging Jamie?"
"They're gonna go have sweaty hot monkey sex," said Guido.
"With candles," Rictor added.
There was a strained pause, and then Rahne schooled her face. "Oh," she said diplomatically, and sat down.
Fandom: X-Factor
Characters/Pairing: Jamie/Layla, Shatterstar/Rictor, callback to Jamie/Terry
Rating: PG-13 (sexual situations)
Word Count: 675
Summary: Jamie encounters a problem.
A/N: Canon has probably overruled this, but I fudged it in my neverending, futile attempt to be funny.
"I'm a virgin!?"
"Not really, no," Monet said calmly.
Jamie was not calm. He was not in the same neighborhood as calm. He wasn't in an adjacent state to calm. "I'm a virgin!"
Monet sighed. "Madrox--"
But Jamie was walking away, tearing at his hair and staring wide-eyed at nothing. Monet rolled her eyes and followed in case Jamie hyperventilated or did something funny.
Jamie came upon most of the team piled on and around the sofa, watching something in black and white that Longshot was finding hilarious. "I'm a virgin!" he informed them all, loudly.
"No, you're not," Theresa and Layla said in unison.
"I am! I'm a freaking virgin!"
"We found out that Jamie Prime has never had sex," Monet clarified in response to Rictor's raised eyebrow. "Only his dupes."
"Wow, really?" said Guido. "Seems unlikely."
"No, it makes perfect sense!" Jamie replied. He was nearly hysterical, pacing around the room and wringing his hands. "If I decide to go out, nine times out of ten, I send a dupe! One night stands: all dupes! And I can't make a decision to save my life; I don't just decide to seduce someone! The dupes do!" He stopped dead, as though being struck with realization anew. "Oh, god. I'm a virgin!"
"Madrox, you're not a virgin," said Monet. "You remember the experience of the act and that's what matters."
"Is it?" Jamie snapped. "Is it!?"
Shatterstar raised a hand. "I'd be more than happy to help you rectify the-- ow," he finished, as Rictor cuffed him in the back of the head.
"Do you have any idea how old I am!?" Jamie asked the sofa.
"Strangely, no," said Theresa, looking, troubled, into the middle distance.
"Way too old to be a freaking virgin!" said Jamie. "Oh, god," he moaned. "How is this happening?"
"Madrox," Monet sighed, "you are making me regret agreeing to help you sort out your memories in order to make your dupes less unpredictable, and when I am made to regret things I take actions that other people regret."
Jamie grabbed Monet by the shoulders, ignoring to her scowl of disapproval. "You don't understand! I am untouched! I am pure in the eyes of god! I. Am a freaking. Virgin!"
"You have ten seconds to remove your hands before I do it for you."
Wisely, Jamie let her go and bit his knuckle in a panic. Longshot spoke up from the floor. "I could help you pick up a girl. Guido tells me I am a superb wingman."
"Look, Jamie, ah think if ye remember having had an experience it counts as having happened," Terry pointed out, reasonably. "Aren't you the one who always says 'I spent four years in Tibet,' not 'one of my dupes spent four years in Tibet'?"
"Not for this," Jamie said, grave now. "This is different. This is a question of my manhood."
"What, the question of whether anyone's seen it?" Rictor asked, snickering.
"It's not funny," Jamie moped. "I'm a virgin and I'm in my 30's and people are laughing at me for it."
"We're laughin' at you for freakin' out about it," Guido clarified.
It was at this point that Layla stood up.
"Why are you leaving?" asked Shatterstar, curious.
"Because this is when," she announced.
"When what?"
Layla crossed the room and seized Jamie's arm, dragging him out of the room. "When I take Madrox to his bedroom and give him the wildest ride of his life," she said calmly.
"But wait," Jamie protested, allowing himself to be dragged, "shouldn't my first time be special?"
"I'll light some candles and promise to be gentle."
"Okay, good enough."
"A note: I will not actually be gentle. I'll just promise to."
"I'm comfortable with that," Jamie said happily, and they were gone.
Rahne came into the room with popcorn. "Where's Layla dragging Jamie?"
"They're gonna go have sweaty hot monkey sex," said Guido.
"With candles," Rictor added.
There was a strained pause, and then Rahne schooled her face. "Oh," she said diplomatically, and sat down.