Mi Vida Loca

Gashi soshite aisatsu, everyone, and welcome to Sasori's Rock! (Ahem. *taps his foot*) What? (You're late, that's what! I've been sitting at this blasted computer for Kami knows how long waiting for you to show up and type something! And where were you? You were out in the pool, or touring strip malls, or examining statues, or looking for pinatas, or going to the zoo, or swooning over hot latin guys, or trying to sing along to Spanish heavy metal, or going out to eat at one of the five million taco joints that are scattered all over this city like Starbucks! On top of that, you have written only six pages since we've gotten here, all of which were spent on character development! I've broken my back day in and day out, trying to find just the right inspiration for you, and the plot still isn't moving! I was pacing around outside in the sun, where it's about 112 degrees every day, except for when it's raining, in which case I'm soaked within twenty seconds! And you were in here in this humongous, beautiful, two-story, air-conditioned house complaining that you were hot while watching Connie and Carla and eating lime and chile flavored potato chips! You wanna know something, Sasori Katana? You're lazy! Lazy and worthless and cheap and stupid and argumentative and cruel, and in conclusion, you are one lousy sakusha!) You...you think I'm a lousy authoress? (Darn right I do, and I have every reason to be of that opinion! Look at what you're becoming, Sasori! You're getting a...a...) A what? What were you going to say, Takusan Kangae? (A LIFE! You are getting a life! Can't you see it? You have to stop before this goes too far!) Oh, you're right, Takusan! I'm a terrible sakusha! What have I done, Kami? What have I done?! (Calm down, you'll be okay! We just need to find some way to balance your writing with other activities.) You don't know how hard it is, Takusan! I'm vacationing in Monterrey, Mexico, a gorgeous city filled with culture and natural beauty and scrawny dogs that look like mops! It's just too much to ignore, I have to go out and experience things! I mean, think of the things we've discovered in only nine days! There are long, elevated walkways that lead to anywhere you could possibly want to go. There's a zoo with Bengal tigers and zebras and a house cat that somehow got into the goat pen. There's a replica of the famous statue of David that looks like a club-footed dwarf with a bubble-butt and a mullet. We went out walking yesterday and passed an enormous fountain featuring Poseidon, a baby riding a huge fish, two hippocampus, and all kinds of other water creatures and people. There's all kinds of amazing wrought-iron arches and designs over doors and windows. We even saw a famous art museum called the Marco, a guy selling chiuauas, and the Dis Guy museum. This country is astounding. I almost have no choice but to go out and explore it. (Wow. When you put it that way, it's like...uh, what's the Dis Guy museum?) Inside joke. You've never heard it? (No, I can't say I have.) Oh. Well, I'll tell you when we're done with the entry. (Okay. Wait, what about the readers? They'll want to know it for sure.) Simple. We'll tell anyone who comments. (Hint hint, people.) Arigatou, Takusan Kangae. Are you still angry at me? (After hearing that speech about the beauty of Monterrey? Quite frankly, I don't think there's any way that I could be.) Aw, arigatou. Sumimasen for not putting as much effort into my writing as I should. I'll try to get back on track. (Fantastic. And while you're at it, how about we go see the Dis Guy museum together?) Sounds good to me. Well, I think we've run out of time, ladies and gentlemen, so We'll see you next time at Sasori's Rock! (Sayonara!)

Aikou kara Sasori!