This show has eaten my heart Gaga-style.
Title: You Give Crime-Fighters A Bad Name
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters/Pairing: The team
Rating: PG
Word Count: 917
Summary: "Is this just me, or do all superheroes seem to have weirdly outdated names?" - A discussion on naming conventions and their ramifications, in which maybe it's just one of those things.
A/N: I did it because it had to happen and you all know it. I mean, who in their right mind names their kid Dick?
"Okay, so is this just me," Kid Flash began through a mouthful of Snickers, and that usually indicated that yes, it was just him, "or do all superheroes seem to have, like…weirdly outdated names? Not super identity names; civilian names."
"Like Wally?" Artemis replied, eyebrow raised.
"That's what I'm saying," KF continued, squirming against the bonds of the bioship to switch position for the fifth time in two minutes. "Not that Wally isn't a totally respectable and manly name and everything; I'm just saying I've never met anybody else named it. Except for like, some war buddy of my granddad's and the robot."
"Respectable and manly?"
"I'm serious," Wally continued. "And it's like, everyone in my family. The Flash isn't anywhere old enough to be named what he is either."
"Actually, you may have a point," said Aqualad. "I am not as familiar with surface names as with Atlantean names, but it seems that many humans in the Justice League are called something unusual."
"Yeah, see? Even the fish dude thinks so," Kid Flash insisted, and if Aqualad had any strong objections to being referred to as a fish dude, he didn't show them.
"Oliver," said Artemis, thoughtfully.
"I can't tell you Robin's real name, but it's worse than all of them."
"It can't be worse than Oliver."
"Oh-hooo, yes it can."
"I can hear you, and I have sharp objects."
"Oh, come on, you gotta admit--"
"Sharp objects," Robin insisted. "But yeah, Batman's name is pretty old-timey too."
"And Superman's," Superboy added, looking pensive and vaguely irritated.
There was a pause.
"I overheard Batman talking to him. People keep forgetting I have super hearing."
Everyone exchanged a look. "Huh," said Artemis. "Well, the girls aren't usually that bad. I mean, Dinah, but…"
"Okay, Artemis?" said Robin.
"What?"
"No. Artemis."
Kid Flash laughed. Artemis plucked one of the deadlier arrows from her quiver and threw it at Robin's head.
"She was the goddess of the hunt!"
"And therefore older than all the other names--"
"So help me I will end you."
"Please, let's not fight," Miss Martian interjected hopefully.
"Miss Martian is right; we should be focusing on the mission ahead," said Aqualad.
"What about you?" Superboy asked.
Aqualad adopted a shifty expression. "My name is not human."
"Doesn't mean it can't be old," said Robin. "Be honest."
Aqualad cleared his throat. "…Kaldur'ahm was my grandfather's name."
"Aha!"
"Kid Flash, you shouldn't make fun," Miss Martian insisted.
"I-I wasn't, I mean I didn't mean - it's a great name! Uh, historical!"
"Wait," said Artemis. "Does this mean we have to name Superboy something like…I don't know, Sherman? Or Gilbert?"
Robin and Kid Flash exchanged a look. Robin immediately broke down in hysterics; KF tried to fight it, but ultimately joined him.
"Boys," Aqualad sighed.
"I am so totally calling him Gilbert now, that is beautiful--"
"I don't think I want a name anymore."
"And, and," Kid Flash gasped, "this one is total coincidence, but how weird is it that nobody's named their kid Megan for like thirty years?"
There was another, immediate silence.
"…No no I didn't mean it that way Megan is a gorgeous name and it totally suits you pleasedon'tbesad."
"Nice. Nice job, Wally."
"Who asked you, Artemis?"
"That's enough," Aqualad said firmly. He had a hand pressed to his forehead.
There was a long, grudging silence.
“…M'gann is an old-fashioned name on Mars," Miss Martian admitted feebly.
"This is getting creepy," said Artemis.
"I think it's just one of those things," said Robin. "I mean, if you name your kid Jeeves, or, uh, Alfred, he's gonna grow up to be a butler, 'cause what else can he do?"
"And if you name your kid something alliterative, like Lois Lane, or assonant, like Dan Rather, he's gonna be a newscaster or a reporter or journalist." Everyone looked at him. He shrank in his seat a little. "I go to school," he muttered.
"So if you hadn't gotten into a lab accident you'd be a weatherman?" Artemis asked.
Kid Flash blinked. "Uh, yeah. Apparently."
"What a shame. If you were on TV, I could just turn you off."
"Oh, trust me, you do."
"So," Aqualad interjected, "A child with an antiquated name is destined to become a superhero?"
"Looks like it," said Robin.
Another pause.
"I don't want to be named Gilbert."
"We'll come up with something better," Miss Martian promised.
"If you think about it," said Aqualad, "perhaps 'Superboy' is old-fashioned in itself."
"You think?" said Kid Flash.
"Super, as a prefix, originated in that use from the very term superman as a translation from the German Übermensch, a concept established by Nietzsche in his book Thus Spoke Zarathustra, which was published in 1883." Now everyone was staring at him. "I do a lot of reading," he said calmly.
"Does that mean I can have a name that isn't weird?" Superboy asked, skeptical.
"I think that sounds fair!" said Miss Martian. "Oh, 49 seconds until we reach our target."
"Everyone finish suiting up," said Aqualad.
A minute later, they all dropped from the bioship and hit the ground running.
"This evening, expect a steady downpour of whoopass followed by hurricane-force winds of awesome blowing in from the West," said Kid Flash, just before bolting into the enemy compound.
"You know Jeeves is a last name," said Artemis, eyebrow raised at Robin as she knocked an arrow.
"Shut up."
Six young superheroes with ill-considered names proceeded to save the day, and all was business as usual.
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters/Pairing: The team
Rating: PG
Word Count: 917
Summary: "Is this just me, or do all superheroes seem to have weirdly outdated names?" - A discussion on naming conventions and their ramifications, in which maybe it's just one of those things.
A/N: I did it because it had to happen and you all know it. I mean, who in their right mind names their kid Dick?
"Okay, so is this just me," Kid Flash began through a mouthful of Snickers, and that usually indicated that yes, it was just him, "or do all superheroes seem to have, like…weirdly outdated names? Not super identity names; civilian names."
"Like Wally?" Artemis replied, eyebrow raised.
"That's what I'm saying," KF continued, squirming against the bonds of the bioship to switch position for the fifth time in two minutes. "Not that Wally isn't a totally respectable and manly name and everything; I'm just saying I've never met anybody else named it. Except for like, some war buddy of my granddad's and the robot."
"Respectable and manly?"
"I'm serious," Wally continued. "And it's like, everyone in my family. The Flash isn't anywhere old enough to be named what he is either."
"Actually, you may have a point," said Aqualad. "I am not as familiar with surface names as with Atlantean names, but it seems that many humans in the Justice League are called something unusual."
"Yeah, see? Even the fish dude thinks so," Kid Flash insisted, and if Aqualad had any strong objections to being referred to as a fish dude, he didn't show them.
"Oliver," said Artemis, thoughtfully.
"I can't tell you Robin's real name, but it's worse than all of them."
"It can't be worse than Oliver."
"Oh-hooo, yes it can."
"I can hear you, and I have sharp objects."
"Oh, come on, you gotta admit--"
"Sharp objects," Robin insisted. "But yeah, Batman's name is pretty old-timey too."
"And Superman's," Superboy added, looking pensive and vaguely irritated.
There was a pause.
"I overheard Batman talking to him. People keep forgetting I have super hearing."
Everyone exchanged a look. "Huh," said Artemis. "Well, the girls aren't usually that bad. I mean, Dinah, but…"
"Okay, Artemis?" said Robin.
"What?"
"No. Artemis."
Kid Flash laughed. Artemis plucked one of the deadlier arrows from her quiver and threw it at Robin's head.
"She was the goddess of the hunt!"
"And therefore older than all the other names--"
"So help me I will end you."
"Please, let's not fight," Miss Martian interjected hopefully.
"Miss Martian is right; we should be focusing on the mission ahead," said Aqualad.
"What about you?" Superboy asked.
Aqualad adopted a shifty expression. "My name is not human."
"Doesn't mean it can't be old," said Robin. "Be honest."
Aqualad cleared his throat. "…Kaldur'ahm was my grandfather's name."
"Aha!"
"Kid Flash, you shouldn't make fun," Miss Martian insisted.
"I-I wasn't, I mean I didn't mean - it's a great name! Uh, historical!"
"Wait," said Artemis. "Does this mean we have to name Superboy something like…I don't know, Sherman? Or Gilbert?"
Robin and Kid Flash exchanged a look. Robin immediately broke down in hysterics; KF tried to fight it, but ultimately joined him.
"Boys," Aqualad sighed.
"I am so totally calling him Gilbert now, that is beautiful--"
"I don't think I want a name anymore."
"And, and," Kid Flash gasped, "this one is total coincidence, but how weird is it that nobody's named their kid Megan for like thirty years?"
There was another, immediate silence.
"…No no I didn't mean it that way Megan is a gorgeous name and it totally suits you pleasedon'tbesad."
"Nice. Nice job, Wally."
"Who asked you, Artemis?"
"That's enough," Aqualad said firmly. He had a hand pressed to his forehead.
There was a long, grudging silence.
“…M'gann is an old-fashioned name on Mars," Miss Martian admitted feebly.
"This is getting creepy," said Artemis.
"I think it's just one of those things," said Robin. "I mean, if you name your kid Jeeves, or, uh, Alfred, he's gonna grow up to be a butler, 'cause what else can he do?"
"And if you name your kid something alliterative, like Lois Lane, or assonant, like Dan Rather, he's gonna be a newscaster or a reporter or journalist." Everyone looked at him. He shrank in his seat a little. "I go to school," he muttered.
"So if you hadn't gotten into a lab accident you'd be a weatherman?" Artemis asked.
Kid Flash blinked. "Uh, yeah. Apparently."
"What a shame. If you were on TV, I could just turn you off."
"Oh, trust me, you do."
"So," Aqualad interjected, "A child with an antiquated name is destined to become a superhero?"
"Looks like it," said Robin.
Another pause.
"I don't want to be named Gilbert."
"We'll come up with something better," Miss Martian promised.
"If you think about it," said Aqualad, "perhaps 'Superboy' is old-fashioned in itself."
"You think?" said Kid Flash.
"Super, as a prefix, originated in that use from the very term superman as a translation from the German Übermensch, a concept established by Nietzsche in his book Thus Spoke Zarathustra, which was published in 1883." Now everyone was staring at him. "I do a lot of reading," he said calmly.
"Does that mean I can have a name that isn't weird?" Superboy asked, skeptical.
"I think that sounds fair!" said Miss Martian. "Oh, 49 seconds until we reach our target."
"Everyone finish suiting up," said Aqualad.
A minute later, they all dropped from the bioship and hit the ground running.
"This evening, expect a steady downpour of whoopass followed by hurricane-force winds of awesome blowing in from the West," said Kid Flash, just before bolting into the enemy compound.
"You know Jeeves is a last name," said Artemis, eyebrow raised at Robin as she knocked an arrow.
"Shut up."
Six young superheroes with ill-considered names proceeded to save the day, and all was business as usual.