Why are you not watching Young Justice?
Title: What Comes In A Little Square Package And Causes Chaos?
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters/Pairing: The team and Black Canary; affections as demonstrated in canon
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,538
Summary: Black Canary is apparently the only person in the Justice League who thought through the ramifications of two hormonal teenagers of opposite sexes cohabiting unsupervised. Precautionary measures must be taken.
A/N: Seriously why are you not watching this. Get off your can this instant and do it. You'll thank me later.
The problem with the Mount Justice arrangement, Black Canary had decided, was that Red Tornado didn’t actually live there.
He was a good den mother - sorry, supervisor - and kept the kids out of trouble during the day, but he was gone fighting crime for a good chunk of any given day, and Black Canary was pretty sure he had his own…house, or…containment device - something like that. He didn't stick around the base 24/7.
Miss Martian and Superboy did.
It didn't seem to have occurred to most of the Justice League that they'd left a pair of opposite sex, potentially heterosexual, one-half smitten and entirely hormonal teenagers to cohabit at least occasionally unchaperoned. To those it had occurred, opinions varied: most seemed to be under the impression that Superboy was sexless, potentially literally; many didn't realize that Martians and humans were sexually compatible. The Flash had pulled a bemused face and informed her that it wasn't unusual for four-month-olds to have babysitters. Anyone who was concerned had politely turned a blind eye or shrugged it off on the same basis that no one ever questioned Batman keeping little boys in his house.
And absolutely no one was more painfully and thoroughly aware than Black Canary of how far J'onn's poor little green niece had fallen for Superman's woebegotten clone.
It was all up to her.
Because they weren't her kids and she had better things to worry about, but if sometime next year the League ended up with an alien clone baby to deal with it was going to be out of her hands.
*
If anyone noticed Black Canary snag Superboy by the arm before he could hit the showers after training, no one thought anything of it. It was much later, in the locker room, that the boys found him frowning, puzzled, at a handful of objects that couldn't be made out from the angle at which he was leaning.
"What's up, Supey?" Kid Flash inquired, scrubbing a towel through his damp mop of ginger hair. "You look like Batman just gave you a compliment."
"No," he said slowly, and turned, opening his hand to the others, "but Black Canary gave me these."
Wally promptly zipped over to examine the contents of Superboy's outstretched palm. Kaldur only deigned to look up when the speedster made a strangled sound and toppled to the floor in what could have been theatrical overreaction or a response to shock, or both.
"What is it?"
Wally, splayed on the locker room floor in his boxers, made a series of high-pitched noises of protest and flailed a pointing finger at Superboy's hand. Superboy, for his part, looked perturbed.
Robin wandered from the other side of the room to get a closer look, and stopped dead when he saw, jaw dropping open. Kaldur got up from hauling on his backpack and leaned over to examine the source of the issue: five or six multicolored squares, each containing a raised, pliant-looking ring.
"Are those--" Robin began, horrified.
"CONDOMS!?" Wally practically shrieked.
Superboy was starting to look annoyed. "What are they?"
"I'm afraid I cannot help you, there," said Kaldur. "Evidently a 'condom' is something quite alarming."
Wally and Robin exchanged a look; it was a mixture of abject horror and that combination of pity, disbelief, and mild exasperation that Kaldur had come to know as the non-humans don't know anything look.
Robin turned the look to Superboy, considering, and pulled Kaldur down by the collar to whisper in his ear. The whispering went on for a moment, and Kaldur's eyes widened just a fraction. "Ah. I see. In Atlantis, we have…something similar."
"What are they for?" Superboy interjected, annoyance ratcheting up another notch. "She wouldn't say!"
"They didn't think to cover sex ed in the test tube?" said Robin. "We're gonna have to give him the talk!?"
"What talk?"
"The talk, dude," Wally said. "It's - no, I'm never gonna be ready to explain this."
"Why would Black Canary give them to him?" Kaldur asked.
"No idea," said Robin. He was shaking his head slowly, and had been for at least a minute. "Why would she give them to you?"
"All she said was," Superboy paused, as though he were trying to decode a foreign language in his head, "that I'm supposed to remember I have them in case Megan stops…'making doe eyes at me' and…" He looked up, lost. "'Gets all up on that?'"
Wally shrieked what and made more noises of protest. Robin broke down into hysterical giggling. Kaldur gave the floor a faintly distressed look and mumbled something about prepositions not being meant to work that way. Superboy looked irritated again. "What? What does that mean? She just told me that and walked away!"
"I think I have some idea," said Kaldur, worried. Robin was still laughing, only now he was shaking his head again and had a hand pressed to his forehead. Wally snatched one of the condoms from Superboy's hand, offended, and examined it.
His eyes widened. "Are these magnums?" Having seen Superboy in the shower just moments prior, he turned a suspicious look over his shoulder, as though Black Canary might be lurking in the shadows. "How did she know?"
It was at that point that, from just outside the door, Artemis announced, "You losers have five seconds to make yourselves decent and then I'm coming in."
Everyone exchanged confused glances while Wally scrambled for his pants, and Artemis opened the door. "What is going on in here? You've been in here longer than usual and I keep hearing Kid Fluke screaming."
"Bite me, blondie."
"Don't make me."
Robin squared his shoulders, accepting the burden of what he must do upon them. He swiped the condoms from Superboy's hand, snatched up the one Wally had dropped, and strode over to Artemis at the door.
He took her hand and deposited the condoms in her palm. "Give these to Megan."
"What!?" said Wally, in a tone of voice that suggested Robin may as well have just stepped on a kitten in front of him. "Dude, you are breaking the bro code!"
Artemis regarded the condoms, stunned. "What? Oh, hell no. Did he put you up to this?" she asked, pointing at Wally, who waved his hands frantically and made more protesting sounds.
"But Black Canary gave those to me," said Superboy, affronted.
"I'm sorry, KF, but it has to be done." Robin gave Artemis a firm look that his sunglasses did little to conceal. "She might not know what they are, but she at least knows how to use Google."
Artemis looked from him, to the condoms, to Superboy, and realization dawned on her face. "Ohhh."
"It's a valid precautionary measure," Robin informed her.
Artemis closed her palm around the condoms, and the look she had fixed on Superboy turned sultry. "Maybe I'll keep them…"
"Oh my god," said Wally, and mimed gagging.
"Artemis," said Kaldur, in his I'm-the-leader-and-that-means-you-have-t
Artemis rolled her eyes. "Fine." She raised an eyebrow at Superboy. "Don't think this means I'm through with you," she warned him, and left the room.
Wally gagged more; Robin offered him a hand up from the floor that was accepted with only the most grudging reluctance. Kaldur appeared to be attempting some sort of meditative state, perhaps one that pulled his mind to a place that wasn't here.
"Is somebody going to explain what's going on?" Superboy demanded. "What were those things? What are they for, why did Black Canary give them to me, why did you take them away? Why should Megan have them? What's contraception?"
Wally and Robin exchanged the non-humans don't know anything look again.
Kaldur cleared his throat. "I think this is one for the League."
*
The next day, one petulant, mistrustful Superboy and a nervously mortified Miss Martian avoiding eye contact with her all through practice convinced Black Canary that she'd done her job well.
"I appreciate what you meant to do," Aqualad told her in a brief moment aside after training, "and I do not wish to question you or your methods, but I am concerned that Superboy and Miss Martian will be reluctant to work together after yesterday's…incident."
Black Canary smirked. "Oh, I think this'll be good for them. Every hero needs to learn that awkwardness can't be allowed to threaten team dynamics. And in the meantime, they'll be avoiding each other off the clock well into adulthood." She gave Aqualad a companionable pat on the shoulder. "No underage liaison lovechildren."
As she walked away, Robin dropped from his unseen vantage point and gave an impressed whistle. "That plot was almost Batman-level."
"I am…whelmed," Aqualad agreed.
Somewhere across the room, Kid Flash cracked his knuckles and got down to the vital business that was chatting Miss Martian up, and elsewhere Superboy jumped as Artemis wandered by and slapped his ass.
Aqualad sighed. They didn't see it yet, and Black Canary's efforts were commendable, but he had a sinking feeling that this wasn't going to last.
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters/Pairing: The team and Black Canary; affections as demonstrated in canon
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,538
Summary: Black Canary is apparently the only person in the Justice League who thought through the ramifications of two hormonal teenagers of opposite sexes cohabiting unsupervised. Precautionary measures must be taken.
A/N: Seriously why are you not watching this. Get off your can this instant and do it. You'll thank me later.
The problem with the Mount Justice arrangement, Black Canary had decided, was that Red Tornado didn’t actually live there.
He was a good den mother - sorry, supervisor - and kept the kids out of trouble during the day, but he was gone fighting crime for a good chunk of any given day, and Black Canary was pretty sure he had his own…house, or…containment device - something like that. He didn't stick around the base 24/7.
Miss Martian and Superboy did.
It didn't seem to have occurred to most of the Justice League that they'd left a pair of opposite sex, potentially heterosexual, one-half smitten and entirely hormonal teenagers to cohabit at least occasionally unchaperoned. To those it had occurred, opinions varied: most seemed to be under the impression that Superboy was sexless, potentially literally; many didn't realize that Martians and humans were sexually compatible. The Flash had pulled a bemused face and informed her that it wasn't unusual for four-month-olds to have babysitters. Anyone who was concerned had politely turned a blind eye or shrugged it off on the same basis that no one ever questioned Batman keeping little boys in his house.
And absolutely no one was more painfully and thoroughly aware than Black Canary of how far J'onn's poor little green niece had fallen for Superman's woebegotten clone.
It was all up to her.
Because they weren't her kids and she had better things to worry about, but if sometime next year the League ended up with an alien clone baby to deal with it was going to be out of her hands.
*
If anyone noticed Black Canary snag Superboy by the arm before he could hit the showers after training, no one thought anything of it. It was much later, in the locker room, that the boys found him frowning, puzzled, at a handful of objects that couldn't be made out from the angle at which he was leaning.
"What's up, Supey?" Kid Flash inquired, scrubbing a towel through his damp mop of ginger hair. "You look like Batman just gave you a compliment."
"No," he said slowly, and turned, opening his hand to the others, "but Black Canary gave me these."
Wally promptly zipped over to examine the contents of Superboy's outstretched palm. Kaldur only deigned to look up when the speedster made a strangled sound and toppled to the floor in what could have been theatrical overreaction or a response to shock, or both.
"What is it?"
Wally, splayed on the locker room floor in his boxers, made a series of high-pitched noises of protest and flailed a pointing finger at Superboy's hand. Superboy, for his part, looked perturbed.
Robin wandered from the other side of the room to get a closer look, and stopped dead when he saw, jaw dropping open. Kaldur got up from hauling on his backpack and leaned over to examine the source of the issue: five or six multicolored squares, each containing a raised, pliant-looking ring.
"Are those--" Robin began, horrified.
"CONDOMS!?" Wally practically shrieked.
Superboy was starting to look annoyed. "What are they?"
"I'm afraid I cannot help you, there," said Kaldur. "Evidently a 'condom' is something quite alarming."
Wally and Robin exchanged a look; it was a mixture of abject horror and that combination of pity, disbelief, and mild exasperation that Kaldur had come to know as the non-humans don't know anything look.
Robin turned the look to Superboy, considering, and pulled Kaldur down by the collar to whisper in his ear. The whispering went on for a moment, and Kaldur's eyes widened just a fraction. "Ah. I see. In Atlantis, we have…something similar."
"What are they for?" Superboy interjected, annoyance ratcheting up another notch. "She wouldn't say!"
"They didn't think to cover sex ed in the test tube?" said Robin. "We're gonna have to give him the talk!?"
"What talk?"
"The talk, dude," Wally said. "It's - no, I'm never gonna be ready to explain this."
"Why would Black Canary give them to him?" Kaldur asked.
"No idea," said Robin. He was shaking his head slowly, and had been for at least a minute. "Why would she give them to you?"
"All she said was," Superboy paused, as though he were trying to decode a foreign language in his head, "that I'm supposed to remember I have them in case Megan stops…'making doe eyes at me' and…" He looked up, lost. "'Gets all up on that?'"
Wally shrieked what and made more noises of protest. Robin broke down into hysterical giggling. Kaldur gave the floor a faintly distressed look and mumbled something about prepositions not being meant to work that way. Superboy looked irritated again. "What? What does that mean? She just told me that and walked away!"
"I think I have some idea," said Kaldur, worried. Robin was still laughing, only now he was shaking his head again and had a hand pressed to his forehead. Wally snatched one of the condoms from Superboy's hand, offended, and examined it.
His eyes widened. "Are these magnums?" Having seen Superboy in the shower just moments prior, he turned a suspicious look over his shoulder, as though Black Canary might be lurking in the shadows. "How did she know?"
It was at that point that, from just outside the door, Artemis announced, "You losers have five seconds to make yourselves decent and then I'm coming in."
Everyone exchanged confused glances while Wally scrambled for his pants, and Artemis opened the door. "What is going on in here? You've been in here longer than usual and I keep hearing Kid Fluke screaming."
"Bite me, blondie."
"Don't make me."
Robin squared his shoulders, accepting the burden of what he must do upon them. He swiped the condoms from Superboy's hand, snatched up the one Wally had dropped, and strode over to Artemis at the door.
He took her hand and deposited the condoms in her palm. "Give these to Megan."
"What!?" said Wally, in a tone of voice that suggested Robin may as well have just stepped on a kitten in front of him. "Dude, you are breaking the bro code!"
Artemis regarded the condoms, stunned. "What? Oh, hell no. Did he put you up to this?" she asked, pointing at Wally, who waved his hands frantically and made more protesting sounds.
"But Black Canary gave those to me," said Superboy, affronted.
"I'm sorry, KF, but it has to be done." Robin gave Artemis a firm look that his sunglasses did little to conceal. "She might not know what they are, but she at least knows how to use Google."
Artemis looked from him, to the condoms, to Superboy, and realization dawned on her face. "Ohhh."
"It's a valid precautionary measure," Robin informed her.
Artemis closed her palm around the condoms, and the look she had fixed on Superboy turned sultry. "Maybe I'll keep them…"
"Oh my god," said Wally, and mimed gagging.
"Artemis," said Kaldur, in his I'm-the-leader-and-that-means-you-have-t
Artemis rolled her eyes. "Fine." She raised an eyebrow at Superboy. "Don't think this means I'm through with you," she warned him, and left the room.
Wally gagged more; Robin offered him a hand up from the floor that was accepted with only the most grudging reluctance. Kaldur appeared to be attempting some sort of meditative state, perhaps one that pulled his mind to a place that wasn't here.
"Is somebody going to explain what's going on?" Superboy demanded. "What were those things? What are they for, why did Black Canary give them to me, why did you take them away? Why should Megan have them? What's contraception?"
Wally and Robin exchanged the non-humans don't know anything look again.
Kaldur cleared his throat. "I think this is one for the League."
*
The next day, one petulant, mistrustful Superboy and a nervously mortified Miss Martian avoiding eye contact with her all through practice convinced Black Canary that she'd done her job well.
"I appreciate what you meant to do," Aqualad told her in a brief moment aside after training, "and I do not wish to question you or your methods, but I am concerned that Superboy and Miss Martian will be reluctant to work together after yesterday's…incident."
Black Canary smirked. "Oh, I think this'll be good for them. Every hero needs to learn that awkwardness can't be allowed to threaten team dynamics. And in the meantime, they'll be avoiding each other off the clock well into adulthood." She gave Aqualad a companionable pat on the shoulder. "No underage liaison lovechildren."
As she walked away, Robin dropped from his unseen vantage point and gave an impressed whistle. "That plot was almost Batman-level."
"I am…whelmed," Aqualad agreed.
Somewhere across the room, Kid Flash cracked his knuckles and got down to the vital business that was chatting Miss Martian up, and elsewhere Superboy jumped as Artemis wandered by and slapped his ass.
Aqualad sighed. They didn't see it yet, and Black Canary's efforts were commendable, but he had a sinking feeling that this wasn't going to last.