LAST ONE oh god why did I write this

Title: Get Wet
Fandom: Fairy Tail
Pairing: Bixlow/Evergreen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,380
Summary: It's not that they're bad teammates; it's just that they're a pair of colossal girls who take a million years in the shower, and Bixlow is going to get his turn in the bathroom if he has to break the door down.
A/N: Written for a prompt at kinkytail: "Bixlow/Evergreen - in a bathtub". I am poor at maintaining anonymity. Reposted primarily for archiving purposes.

Bixlow didn't have much of an opinion one way or another regarding the conditions in which he lived and slept, a fact that baffled his teammates to the point of outright skepticism. He would rather save his money, thanks, for things like good booze and better armor and impressing women - important things. But no, he worked with a pair of prissy divas who couldn't get a little dirt in their hair without throwing a fit, so they were blowing a not-insignificant chunk of the job's earnings on a hotel room that was, he had to say it, downright opulent. It was practically obscene.

"We can afford it," Evergreen had said.

"I think that we all deserve it after two hard days on the job," Fried had defended.

Pansies, both of them.

Oh, and it was just the one room, because damn it, Bixlow had to draw a line somewhere. Besides, there were two beds and a sofa and he wasn't going to get his panties in a bunch over mattress quality. He'd steal one of Fried's blankets and show both of them that a real mage could tough it out on the couch. Hell, maybe he wouldn't even use a blanket.

They were barely into the room before Fried called first for the shower, took his sweet time about it - Bixlow was surrounded by obsessive compulsives - and promptly went to bed. He was probably asleep before his head hit the pillow, and Bixlow figured it had been a pretty rough couple of days. Actually, he was starting to feel it too; that sudden wash of exhaustion and ache that settles deep into the bones as soon as one lets their guard down. That, and he was itchy. There hadn't been much opportunity for proper showers during the job.

And Evergreen had called second, and stellar spirits knew she was going to take even longer…

No, Bixlow had had enough. He'd done the work, paid his due in the form of this stupid room, and all he needed was a quick washing up before bed, so if Ever was going to bitch about it she could do it while he was cutting in line.

Unfortunately, by the time he'd come to this conclusion, Evergreen had already secured herself in the bathroom and Bixlow was pretty sure he heard the shower running. Maybe the sink? Couldn't hurt to check. He shrugged, stripped off his armor and boots until he was down to boxers and an undershirt and snuck up to the door.

It was still hard to hear…damn, but these fancy hotel fixtures were sturdy - he eased the door open a crack just to make sure. Damn. Evergreen's clothes folded next to the sink, shower running…but there was a bath drawn. A bubble bath.

Women.

Oh well. Without risk, there can be no reward.

Bixlow crept into the bathroom, his dolls trailing silently through the air behind him, and stripped off the rest of his clothes. The one-foot-first test revealed that either Ever liked her baths way too hot to be comfortable or she planned to be in that shower for way too long. Well, he could take it. As quietly as he could, he climbed into the bath and tried to keep from wincing as he sank into the water. Yikes, that was hot - but on second thought, it was kind of doing wonders for his sore muscles. Maybe Ever was onto something.

He was just finished surreptitiously washing behind his ears - he wasn't a princess like his teammates, but that didn't mean his mother had raised him in a barn - when the shower finally shut off.

Bixlow began a mental countdown as he scrubbed at the back of his neck.

The shower curtain swept aside--

A frigid pause--

Evergreen shrieked.

"Hey, hey!" said Bixlow, not even bothering to look up. "Somebody's trying to sleep out there. And you're hurting my exceptionally clean ears."

"What are you doing in here!?" Evergreen hissed. Bixlow knew the risks, but he looked up anyway. She wasn't even making an effort to cover herself, and he had to admit it was a very nice view. She didn't seem ashamed or embarrassed, but she did look extremely pissed off. That could be for any number of reasons, though, he supposed.

"What's it look like I'm doing?" he asked. "I'm taking a bath."

"I know that," said Evergreen. She was dripping, glistening wet under the bathroom's low light. "You're taking my bath. Couldn't you have waited your turn!?"

Bixlow nonchalantly rubbed at his shoulder with his washcloth. "You were gonna be in here for hours, and I'm tired, so no. I wanna go to bed and I wanna be clean when I do." He watched a droplet of water slide down her throat to disappear into her ample cleavage.

Evergreen just glared at him, and when he showed no signs of repentance, she sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Damn it, Bixlow, I'm exhausted and sore and you are not helping at all."

Before he could stop himself, Bixlow said "I could."

Evergreen looked up, sharp. "What?"

Well, he'd dug his own grave this deep. "Help. If you want." He grinned and flashed some tongue, and his babies snickered, circling in to bob around Ever's head. She swatted one away, and for the barest hint of a second, she almost, almost looked like she was considering the offer.

"You're a pig," she said instead, glaring icily - Bixlow was very slightly worried that he might end up a statue for this, but only slightly. She shook her head and went to get a towel. "And get those things out of here!"

"What, you're not leaving?" He was legitimately surprised. Well, not that surprised, but it was pretty shocking that she hadn't elected to kick him out instead.

"I still have to get ready for bed," she snapped, and wrapped the towel around herself. Shame; he was getting used to that view. She dug around in her bag for a moment and came out with a hairbrush.

Bixlow shrugged and continued his washing as Evergreen brushed her hair and palpably seethed at the counter. They were both tired and aching, in no shape for a fight, and Ever probably didn't want to waste her post-shower afterglow on yelling at him. Besides, it'd wake Fried up, and Fried could be an incredible bitch about being woken up prematurely.

"Didn't I tell you to get those out of here?" Evergreen snapped, gesticulating over her shoulder at the dolls lazily weaving around the bathroom.

"They go where I go."

"Then you can go too."

"What if I want to stay?"

"Then either you throw them out or I throw you out, and don't for a second think I won't," Evergreen snapped, hands on her hips as she glared down at him. Bixlow absolutely didn't doubt it. He shrugged.

"Sorry, babies," he said, and they whined collectively, but obediently filed out of the room and shut the door behind them. Well, at least they could get some sleep, even if he couldn't yet.

Evergreen sighed. "Aren't you done yet?"

He was, in fact. "Yeah. Why?"

"Aren't you going to get out, then?"

Bixlow was starting to get annoyed. "What's your problem? I don't rush you or Fried when you take three hours to get ready, and you're pissed at me for taking five extra minutes?"

Evergreen seemed to see the logic in that, which probably just annoyed her even more. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him, but the fire had gone out of it. "That was supposed to be my bath," she reasoned, and Bixlow took it for a pretty weak argument, but she always had been picky about baths.

Still, he was sick of arguing and the atmosphere of general irritation in here was starting to undo the work the hot water had done on his knotted muscles. He sighed, and tried to make himself sound reasonable. "Well, your stupidly scorching water is still too hot, so if you want your bath that badly, I'm not gonna stop you." He gestured at the water. It was a pretty roomy tub. Bixlow was starting to find it a damn shame that she'd never take him up on the offer.

But Ever's eyes actually followed the gesture, and then narrowed shrewdly at his face. "You're joking."

Okay, he hadn't been expecting that response at all. Not even remotely. Did he detect the hint of a crack in her resistance? Maybe if he pushed there and there he could crumble it a little more… "Hi, I'm Bixlow. Evergreen, right? I think we've met once or twice--"

"What are you talking about?"

"--but you may not be aware that I'm a straight man who takes an avid interest in beautiful naked women, especially when they're sharing an enclosed space with me, so no, I'm not fucking joking, now get in here."

Evergreen's eyebrow shot up to unprecedented levels. Bixlow figured that at this rate he was either going to end up totally screwed or, hopefully, totally screwed. Now he just had to see which.

Shockingly, Evergreen made a small, thoughtful sound, said, "Well, if you have to put it that way," in a lofty and judgmental kind of voice, and dropped her towel.

Oh, suddenly his night was taking such a turn for the better.

Bixlow tried to make room for Ever as she stepped into the tub - damn, this was actually happening - and as she sank into the water she made a drawn-out, satisfied hum that went straight to Bixlow's gut and turned up the gathering heat there a few notches higher. He'd never really thought about Evergreen like this before, except for in the abstract; sure, she'd featured prominently in a couple of far-between late night fantasies, but he'd never planned to try anything. First of all, it wasn't as though any real feelings were involved in that equation, and second, she was a good teammate and messing with that dynamic was rarely a good idea.

Besides, up until right now, he never would have figured he'd have a shot with her. To be painfully honest, owing mostly to certain mannerisms and personality quirks (and, okay, maybe he didn't rate a ten in the looks department), Bixlow didn't have a particularly sturdy shot with anyone.

Maybe he'd thought about this the wrong way, though. Evergreen's legs slid against his under the surface of the water, obscured now only by a few fading patches of bubbles; she was giving him a look that didn't seem to be able to decide on haughty or sultry. Maybe, if he did have a shot with anyone, it was the one girl who had ample practice in putting up with his shit.

Bixlow's tongue flicked out - unconscious, snakelike - as he slid a hand along her calf, moving upward, but Ever's face turned hard and she pulled the leg away. "Did I say you could touch me?" she asked, her voice oddly slow, and it occurred to him that maybe there was some mischief in that stern expression. He grinned, silent. Ever rolled her eyes and leaned back, but then she grimaced. “Ugh."

"Faucet?" It must be digging into her spine from that angle.

"Hang on," said Evergreen. She stood halfway and turned around, settling down again with her back to him, and scooted toward him until she was leaning into his chest. "There. That's…slightly more comfortable."

Bixlow had to agree with that statement. He didn't say as much because he was taking a second to rearrange his thoughts that had gotten a little scattered somewhere between Evergreen dropping her towel and the point when she'd pressed back against his erection. She had to feel it, but she didn't appear to be giving it any thought. He rolled his hips once against the small of her back, but she ignored it.

"Are you gonna say when I get to touch you, or should I guess?" he asked. Her head was against his shoulder, face turned slightly away from him, eyes closed, but Bixlow was having trouble looking away from her breasts, beaded with moisture and buoyed by the water.

For a moment, Evergreen's only reaction was to trail one finger over his calf and up to his inner thigh - damn it, that was sensitive, and he flinched, but that just made him grind against her lower back and okay maybe he could deal with it. "You're no intellectual giant, but I think you can figure it out," she said evenly, and turned back toward him to press a wet, sucking kiss to the skin just under his jaw.

Fuck. Bixlow was going to take that as permission.

He decided to return that favor, sliding his hand up the inside of her thigh (to no apparent reaction, damn it), and reached up to trace the mark of their guild at the top of her right breast. That made her shiver, almost imperceptibly, and Bixlow grinned. He let his hand slide down to cup the weight of her breast, squeezed slightly, grazed his thumb over a stiff nipple - she reacted to that, arching into it and grinding back against him. He repeated the gesture and moved his remaining hand to her other breast, and she rewarded him by rocking against him again and laving wetly at his neck with her tongue.

"You like that?" Bixlow asked, unnecessarily.

"Mmhm," Evergreen replied anyway, nipping at his throat.

He slid a hand down her belly - she liked that too, if the soft little noise she made was anything to go by - and diverted his path at the last second to stroke over her thigh again. That earned him a disgruntled noise and a swift bite (although she came around pretty fast when he tweaked her nipple a little harder). Fuck, she wanted it. Wanted him. Bixlow mentally kicked himself for not trying this sooner and hissed when she nipped at his ear, sliding her tongue behind it - damn, he loved it when girls did that, not that he'd gotten any in, well, awhile.

Bixlow decided not to think about that. Actually, scratch that; he wasn't going to think about anything at all except for the slide of skin against wet skin and the fullness of Evergreen's breast in his hand and her tongue, damn, he was definitely going to show her what his could do one of these days. The erratic, faintly shifting pressure against his cock wasn't half what he wanted, but he was pretty sure he was going to get his soon enough, so he decided he was going to pay up first, and good.

Evergreen sure seemed to like it, at least, when he gave up the screwing around and reached down to touch her - she arched back and made a noise partway between a gasp and a sigh that was kind of too hot for words. Damn, she was wet for it, slick even under the water; he wanted to taste her, but this wasn't really the venue for that. It was a shame she'd probably never let him do this again. Either way, it was pretty gratifying to have her gripping his thigh and arm and writhing whenever he found the right place to touch, the right way to move - and then she reached down to take his hand and show him exactly what she wanted. Bixlow decided the world would be a better place if every woman would do that.

Pretty soon she was gasping and moaning and tossing her head, and it was already the hottest thing Bixlow had witnessed in a good long while even before she tensed up, gripping desperately at his arm - he moved faster, and she threw her head back against his shoulder and rocked her hips into his hand and swore and finally let out a high, sharp cry that was just pure sex. He slowed his movements as she came down, gasping and melting into him, and finally she hummed something that sounded like reluctance and took his wrist to stop him.

"…Well," said Evergreen, after a long, still moment.

"Heh," was Bixlow's only response. He lifted his hand and dragged his tongue over his fingers, tasting the slick wetness left there. "Mm."

Evergreen huffed, presumably at his well-deserved smugness, and turned to bite his neck. "Ow," he protested, but she didn't back off, just remaining there and sucking a mark onto his skin as her hands roved idly over whatever part of him was readily available.

After a long moment, she broke away and mumbled against his neck: "Do you want to just keep humping my back, or should I take a more active role?"

Bixlow hadn’t even really noticed he'd been doing it. He stopped. "…I vote for the second one."

Evergreen smirked against his skin and pulled away, turning to position herself sideways on his lap, and reached down to curl her fingers around him. She gave a few slow, experimental strokes, and Bixlow let his head thump back against the wall. A little harder than he'd intended to, in fact. Evergreen laughed a little, but he decided to let it go, especially when she sped up and got down to business.

"I should probably warn you," Bixlow thought to say, in the general direction of the ceiling, about a minute in, "it usually takes me about an eon to come."

"Is that so?" Ever said. She twisted her hand over his cock and he grunted, which she seemed to find pretty funny. "Maybe I should try something different."

"Be my guest," said Bixlow; he probably should have been worried about what 'something different' entailed, but at the moment he was beyond caring. He just wanted.

'Something different' turned out to be pretty straightforward, but Bixlow wasn't even remotely complaining when Evergreen straddled him and put a hand on his shoulder to steady herself - one nice thing about these stupid fancy hotels was all the non-slip surfaces in the bathrooms - as she lined him up and lowered herself onto his erection.

She made a small, high noise that sounded like it had broken out of her throat unbidden, and all the breath left Bixlow's lungs at once because damn, she was so hot and wet inside that it put the bathwater to shame, and so tight…

"Fuck, that's, uh," Bixlow said, thoughts a little scattered, "good idea. Better idea." He fit his hands around her hips and tried to pull her closer, to move her, but she wasn't having it. He made a noise that was somewhere between inquisitive and mildly distressed.

Evergreen was smirking. "Say please."

Bixlow stared at her, dumbfounded. "What, seriously? Okay, please."

Ever blinked. "Well, you weren't supposed to agree just like that. The point is to break you."

What was he supposed to say to that? "Ever, I don't know what kind of guy you usually screw, but I'm balls-deep in a gorgeous woman and my sense of pride could be in Isvan for all I care. Now fuck me."

She didn't seem to know what to make of that, but she settled on, "Crude philistine," and proceeded to brace her hands on his shoulders so she could rock back and down again, and for all her posturing, she still made an almost inaudible gasp when she did.

Bixlow used his hold on her hips to help her move, and damn but that was just right, just perfect, slick heat and friction and the tightening of muscle around him. Despite the heady pleasure pulsing through every nerve in his body whenever she moved over him, Bixlow still found it within himself to stick his tongue out at Evergreen even more than he already had been. She responded with a grimace, and he grinned and pulled her down onto him hard, a move calculated to wipe that expression off her face that backfired on him somewhat because now all he wanted was more of that, faster, harder, now.

He did it again, and Ever moaned and linked her arms behind his neck to give herself better leverage as she picked up the pace. "Fucking hell," Bixlow groaned, trying to thrust back against her as well as he could from this position. Evergreen was really holding the reins now, but Bixlow was okay with that; more than okay with it, because she was doing a damn good job without his help, and far be it from him to complain when a hot girl was riding him with her breasts crushed against his chest.

"You're - hah - not allowed to tell Fried about this," said Evergreen, the sentence rushed at the end like train cars slamming together after a sudden stop.

"Why?" Bixlow asked, out of breath as he raked his fingers down her back. "You fucking him too?"

Evergreen glared, but it lost some of its bite due to the glazed look in her eye. "No."

"Planning to?" Bixlow wouldn't be surprised. Actually, he was having trouble conjuring any emotions other than a general sense of hormonal euphoria.

"No," Ever snapped. "I just - oh I just don't want things to get ah - get awkward."

"Oh," said Bixlow, half understanding and half exclamation. "Okay. Sure. Secret. Fuck. Do that again."

Evergreen smirked sharply - Bixlow should have been wary about looking into her eyes, but he was a little fascinated at how blown wide her pupils had gotten. "What, this?"

"Yes that damn it just don't stop," he said in a rush, clutching at her waist as she laughed breathlessly.

"I like you," she said coyly, slowing down again, probably just to hear Bixlow's frustrated groan. "It's such a pain getting - mmm, getting some people to fall in line."

"Fall in line?" Bixlow said dumbly, and then, "Oh, look, I'll pretty much do whatever you want as long as you fucking move."

"I am," she said, clearly enjoying herself.

"Not fast enough," said Bixlow, and, okay, he may have been whining just a little.

"Hmm," said Evergreen, slowing to a downright torturous pace - Bixlow's only comfort was that the tension in her muscles told him it was hard on her too. "Can I have your cut of the reward?"

Bixlow grinned, flashing his tongue at her. "How about I just promise not to hurt you?"

"Spoilsport," Ever grumbled. "Make me breakfast?"

"Instant oatmeal," Bixlow said dryly.

"I like the cinnamon kind," said Evergreen, and finally started to really move again.

He didn't know how much longer it went on - several minutes, at least - before he could feel Evergreen tensing up again, her moans escalating into short, sharp cries as she rocked down onto him with mounting fervor. She was staring straight at him, but he could tell she wasn't seeing him, and when she came he could feel it, muscle contracting around him in pulses that tore his voice out of him too.

She went still for too long, slack and panting; Bixlow tried to be patient, really, but he was wound up so tight he felt like he might shatter if he didn't get more. "Ever," he groaned, insistent, and pulled at her hips. She finally got the picture and nodded absently, rolling her hips against him. She let him lead now; it was his turn to show her how to get him off.

Ever leaned back so she could run her nails down his chest. "Come on," she said, in the sultriest, most tempting voice he'd ever heard. "Come on, Bixlow, come for me. Do you like that? It's good, isn't it? Come on…"

Between Evergreen's murmured encouragement and the slick sliding pounding heat overtaking every other thought in his head, it didn't take much longer. A few more jerky thrusts and another of Ever's hot little cries and fuck, it was too much - climax was sudden and shockingly intense, streaking a spectrum of colors across his vision and pulsing out to his fingertips.

Bixlow sagged against the wall and took a long moment to recover. "Damn," he said eventually. He tried to think of something smooth to succeed it with, but he could barely remember his own name, so he left it at that.

"Good time?" said Evergreen, sounding exceptionally pleased with herself.

Well, it had done wonders for his sore muscles, that was for sure. "For you too," he said, almost accusingly. She laughed.

There was another moment of silence as they regarded each other. Bixlow stuck his tongue out again, and Evergreen sneered. Struck by sudden inspiration, he grabbed her by the shoulders and leaned in to slurp her cheek like a dog.

"Ew!" Evergreen shrieked, and there was a brief struggle that ended in Bixlow trying to kiss her and ending up with a hand in his face for the trouble. "No, I don't want that tongue anywhere near me," she jibed, and promptly stopped, adopting a faraway, reconsidering sort of expression.

Bixlow grinned. "Some other time?"

Evergreen raised an eyebrow and didn't completely manage to conceal a smirk. "Some other time."

He definitely should have tried this ages ago. Evergreen took her hand away from his face, and he leaned in again--

There was a loud, angry pounding at the bathroom door.

"If you two are through fornicating loudly in the bathtub, please feel free to finish up and keep quiet so that the rest of us can sleep!"

Another loud knock and a sound of retreating stomps across the floor punctuated the statement.

Yeah, Fried could be a real bitch about being woken up.

There was a long, awkward silence, and with a clearing of throats, Evergreen disentangled herself and stepped, only a little shakily, from the tub. "I think I'm going to take another quick shower before bed," she announced.

"Good idea," Bixlow agreed, getting to his feet. He paused. "So?"

Evergreen rolled her eyes. "I get to pick the water temperature, and if you don't like it you can wait your turn."

Bixlow grinned. "You got it."

"And don't forget my oatmeal," Evergreen warned, and yanked Bixlow into the shower.