When You're Starving in the Dungeon

d12
1. Rumor has it amber dungeon mold is edible, delicious even
2. Moderately edible dungeon lichens, once washed, chopped, pulverized, sieved, fried
3. Leather armor (used), soaked in wine for a long time
4. Gathering an accumulation of semi-fresh dead bats will do for a while
5. Herds of extremely alert tiny deer are rumored to roam the deeps, some kind of blind and great patience required
6. Goblin cheese, a euphemism for some unmentionable aspect of their biology, edible but only just, reeks with an unparalleled potency, pretty good spread on black bread with lots of onion and mustard seed
7. Giant beetle grubs can be found underneath loose flagstones
8. Rats work, but often carry weird parasites, sometimes benevolent
9. Bocanite, a semi digestible element in many dungeon walls, visible only to some dwarfs
10. Notable delvers claim giant centipede legs are a delicacy fit for a king's banquet hall
11. The excrement of elusive dungeon ungulates (basically just processed moss and lichens) provides a good bit of fiber
12. Sometimes it comes down to whether you hired that extra torchbearer

Living MacGuffins Missing in the Dungeon

d12
1. Narcotics dealer hoping to corner market makes bold move to meet the subterranean source, addicts, particularly those of high station, frantic
2. Zealot priest of God of the Rosy Outlook and rather large re-consecration crew of lay members, indispensible VIPs among them, heading down to facilitate salvation of the denizens with much pomp
3. The whole village woke up one morning in a trance, disappeared into the depths of the earth
4. Faction of cultists in midst of bitter theological schism set fire to their temple in town and vanished below with their sacred treasures
5. Children of the noblesse, dressed in improvised dungeoneering get ups, carried away with make believe
6. The cat that ate the rat that ate the Queen's soul, last seen scampering toward dungeon entrance
7. Animate disembodied head of wizard containing unknown spells spirited off into the darkness by cavern apes
8. Royal architect w/full knowledge of secret castle defences disappeared into dungeon in the company of rabble of thieves and cutthroats
9. Child prophesied to be of the utmost future importance kidnapped by genteel demon with excellent penmanship
10. Dangerous, seditious holy man of newly popular mystery cult said to be baptizing converts in underground river
11. Betrothed of local monarch gone to join harem of amorous and exceedingly charismatic lich
12. Genius brewer, innovator of many new beers and ales, linchpin of local economy, abducted by deep dwarfs for compulsory servitude in their corporate beverage production industry

Freelance Dungeon Security

d12
1. Bored aristocrat, masked, eager to put to use life-long martial training while escaping arranged marriage, and loyal gang of expert big city cutthroats with names like Gutshank, Stompo and The Spleener
2. Ool-phla-ah the Slime Wizard and his Oozes for Every Occasion
3. Mr. and Mrs. Sphinx: professional treasure guards, impeccable attention to every detail, charmingly mated for (preternatural) life, annoying habit of destroying other dungeon monsters
4. Trantlebon the Necromancer provides precision infestations of warding ghosts
5. Dungeon fairies roam from hive to hive, monitoring dungeon events and calling forth mighty queen and attack drones from their encystment as needed
6. Tribe of impecunious man-apes aiming to improve the lot of their kind with a little hard currency, dubious morale in combat, but eager to please employers and unsurpassed in natural fawning sycophantry
7. Mind-eater and host of armed victims, essentially mindless but alert, fearless, ferocious thanks to surgical brain-dining
8. Koklar the jolly old demi-god, a relic of bygone days and long since believed destroyed, and host of loyal ninja-like warriors gifted with supernatural lifespans
9. Brotherhood of ogre monks: a real bargain as they refuse to draw pay and labor tirelessly, amassing number of kills required to advance in their order, once achieved they abandon their posts and return to temple
10. The world's stealthiest hill giant martial arts expert, a one-creature army
11. Exceedingly costly arcane system: floating eyeballs link to magic mouths and decorative enchanted sarcophagi that manufacture and store biomechanical wardens, released only at need
12. Ancient vampire with impressive resume and good number of half-vamp underlings give the appearance of competence while draining the wine cellar and embezzling as much as possible before moving on without giving notice

In the Dungeon Torture Chamber

d12
1. Chatty fire elemental in brazier loaded w/irons
2. Extensive library featuring tedious volume after volume (ex. full and complete history of the slug men, compiled minutes of the mercantile league's monthly meetings going back decades, genealogy of hyper-prolific halfling clan), podium, megaphone
3. Highly trained torture bard w/100% success rating, enchanted Lute of Excruciation
4. Heap of bodies w/hollowed skulls, brains kept alive in nutrient bath, housed w/in arcane agonizer units
5. Team of highly specialized dungeon fairies w/surgical approach to extracting secrets
6. Temporarily abandoned confessor strapped into torture apparatus, unbroken, much valuable information unrevealed
7. Half-dead giant in huge iron maiden, ready to strike bargain for release and will abide by any terms set
8. Face and lips stretching device for use upon the vain
9. Spiked pit/adjustable bungee cord arrangement
10. Separate holding chambers each w/gated partition, adjacent rooms filled to gills w/rats, scorpions, ravenous giant fleas or etc.
11. Walls adorned with stunning variety of hooks, barbed implements, tongs, pincers, vices, blades of every description, pokers, prodders, whips, bludgeons, an axe for any occasion, hammers, nails, etc. etc.
12. Torture chamber/gymnasium set-up wherein masked inquisitors use spare moments to keep their muscles rippling for maximum efficiency

In the Dungeon Larder

d12
1. Freshly harvested greens, seeds, roots, tubers, fruits, vegetables: 100% toxic to humans
2. Giant-size tins of potted humanoid meats (unlabeled), two-handed can opener
3. Food processing/juicing device operated by hand crank, collection of tumblers w/glass sipping straws, sieves, sinister-looking valves and rubber tubing, impeccably clean
4. Mothballed full service staff of automatons in formal dress
5. Variety of aquariums/terrariums teeming w/live edible creatures (large juicy insects, mollusks, small nearly featureless furry things, etc.) w/nearby barbecue pit and iron skewers standing by
6. Casks and kegs filled with ichors, blood, bile, and other assorted body fluids
7. Heads aging in closet
8. Rather sparse in the food department, booze selection fully stocked and tastefully chosen
9. Great loaves of dark brown bread cooling on rack, lots of small birds baked in
10. Disturbingly stinky wok, weird mutant fish from unknown depths on ice, not so fresh
11. Yesterday's paella getting ripe and crusty in unwashed vessel, empty liquor bottles scattered about
12. Mortar/pestle, tablet-making apparatus, many jars with powders of every hue, chunks of soft chalky stones, large sacks loaded with coin-sized pills

Wandering Dungeon Jerks (Who Want to Join the Party)

d12
1. Potent magic user who treats everyone in possession of an even slightly less magnificent intellect with disdain and open contempt (favorite quip: "Idiots!")
2. Hyper-macho fighting man way over the acceptable hubris limit, absolutely cannot let stand any perceived slight, will undertake any challenge, preoccupied with mustachio-maintenance
3. Skillful, brazen thief practices pick-pocketry on party before disappearing into shadows only to keep reappearing, emits high pitched, tittering laughter
4. Big mouth warrior spews constant stream of braggadocio, reeks of cologne, wears sleeveless armor to show off rippling muscles (gymnasium rival of 2, above)
5. Treasure sack-laden servitor ape looking for work having just strangled former employer
6. Deposed monarch w/ever-shrinking cadre of loyalists looking to enhance war-chest, stickler for protocol, expects everyone to be constantly genuflecting, etc.
7. Former professional torturer turned dungeon raider, an able warrior who takes unseemly glee in carnage
8.  Kick ass princess with a sword, finally away from oppressive court life, won't listen to anyone about anything
9. Magnanimous Yotch, dungeon real estate agent, needs fresh bodyguards after professional mishap
10. Talking unicorn w/mood disorder on suicidal final war against evil
11. Paladin on perpetual crusade against even seemingly trivial transgressions (perfectly OK with murder hobo lifestyle, so long as the victims are demonstrably evil)
12. Bard

Dungeon Geniuses

d12
1. Telepathic giant spider with preternatural charm and persuasiveness: does what spiders do but with 100% cooperation from all fellow denizens subject to bamboozlement
2. Caveman who split the atom using only advanced mathematics of his own invention: hunted by sorcerers seeking to exploit talents
3. Stone giant sculptor of undeniable originality and talent, gallery after gallery of breathtaking non-representational works hewn from marble and granite
4. Dungeon pixie of exceptional intellect, arcane mastery equal to magic user of the highest order, has tiny spell book crammed full of unique spells
5. Man-ape with mutant cerebral development: covered vast cavern walls with incredibly elaborate pictographs of his Rube Goldberg machine-based technological breakthroughs, exiled from clan for aberrant nerdiness
6. Living vapor, coalesced just after the origin of the universe, currently incarcerated by wizard: 99% of knowing the answer to any given question, wants its freedom
7. Slug-man w/magically enhanced intelligence acts as oracle, using superior logic and reason to predict future outcomes with a high degree of reliability
8. Brilliantly insightful serpent man prophet spreads salvation with the swords of his disciples
9. Flesh golem with half a brain hemisphere online: now that its creator is dead, dedicated to elucidating the post-human condition through poetry
10. Giant siliconian worm: consumed crashed alien spacecraft and subsequently assimilated the knowledge of digested computer banks, loaded with cosmic wisdom
11. Escaped scholar/tutor lich, created by sorcerer as research assistant, now obsessed its own unfulfilled academic ambitions
12. Ogre that always wanted to be smart found ring w/three wishes, two remaining

Choice Items in the Dungeon Garbage Pit

d12
1. One boot of speed
2. Partially melted and re-hardened enchanted sword, attack bonus negated, still good against creatures only affected by magic weapons
3. Fossilized skull of primordial lich: still crackling w/arcane potency
4. Dented cans of high protein deep dwarf chow
5. Torn trousers w/vial of poison carelessly left in pocket
6. Whale ivory leg prosthetic, magically warded against sea-mammals
7. Half-eaten fruit of the Forbidden Bush of Enlightenment
8. Charred scroll case w/slightly damaged scroll inside (roll once on Unknown Spells)
9. Water damaged ledger partially reveals strained financial situation of nearby dragon
10. Miniature flying saucer, systems deactivated, tiny crew turned to stone after chance encounter
11. Perfectly good false mustache
12. Smashed robot head w/single operational laser-eye

The Unexpected Dungeon Guest Star

d12
1. Evil warrior and equally wicked men-at-arms on quest to destroy highly desirable magic item
2. Honored sword master from famous school seeks duel worthy of expertise
3. Expert monster wrangler on dungeon safari to bring abominations back alive for roadside attraction
4. Halfling w/gambling addiction and overwhelming debt sneaking around looking for low-hanging fruit: has leads on several possibilities and would happily sucker PCs into doing dirty work
5. Concealed by full plate and closed helm, inhuman tries to pass as the paladin he just killed
6. Humanoid sports team fresh from victory and full of booze carouses w/gaggle of fans
7. Stone giant scholar researching pre-giant history w/bag full of rare books and scrolls
8. Weeping giant butterfly w/death's head markings on black wings: has laid eggs and now laments inevitable end
9. Half-deranged sorcerer polymorphed into cloud of fruit flies seeks arcane assistance
10. Ex-paramour of wealthy old vampire eager to aid would-be plunderers
11. Socially inept warrior w/2-handed sword just might come in handy if PCs tolerate non-stop barrage of insult comedy
12. The Singing Mummy

At the Bottom of the Pit

d12
1. Insect-size Oracle of the Pit answers queries on any subject, demands payment in fresh nectar
2. Elaborate headdress w/magic feather of levitation among detritus
3. Swamp of slow digestive enzymes seeping from walls
4. Heap of crumbling bones provides chance of falling damage reduction, airborne cloud of decomposing flesh provides chance of lethal infection upon impact
5. Useless but friendly ghost of previous pit victim
6. Fist-size tunnel to bustling City State of the Rats
7. Hibernating saber tooth badger clogs tunnel to surface
8. Living victim of trap: wizard with broken legs, half-nuts, currently eating pages from spell book
9. Mystical gate to random campaign world
10. Soul-eating astral predator bides time while humming pleasant little tune
11. Victim-eating ant colony commanded by quite chatty psychic queen
12. Extensive adventuring notes carved into wall, final act of mortally wounded rogue

Unexpected Dungeon Boons

d12
1. Map indicating dungeon traps found at bottom of 20' pit filled with poisoned spikes
2. Near-mutinous guardian creatures offer bribe to adventurers to avoid unnecessary unpleasantness
3. Blood-sucking cave bats transmit benign virus that permanently enhances low-light vision
4. High-powered gold magnet dropped by hastily evacuating alchemist
5. Dungeon overlord's passkey carelessly left in lock after extended revelry
6. Pack of relatively wimpy humanoids laden with disproportionate amounts of cash, attempt to make night deposit for some successful dungeon enterprise
7. Managing to survive death ray trap triggers propagation of tissues enhancing strength and endurance upon full healing
8. Dungeon fleas that sense danger to their host, bite like hell when monsters near
9. Dragon contemplating relocation w/fiery hatred for every other dungeon inhabitant, more than happy to point out vulnerabilities
10. Adventurers injured by chaos jelly find upon healing their once-wounded tissues temporarily invulnerable to physical harm
11. Demon, swollen with pride over recent victory, happy to cheer on and indirectly aid adventurers' efforts for entertainment value
12. Dungeon armistice after vicious territorial conflict leaves denizens unprepared, inebriated or otherwise off their guard

Dungeon Plagues

Table One: Pathogen
d12
1. Rot pox: too hideous a fate to describe
2. Exploding fever: temperature spikes then keeps on cooking until extremely unpleasant eruption
3. Zombie itch: turns host into mindless self-scratching machine
4. Brain virus: before roasting the brain w/high fever inverts personality/skews cognition
5. Face-eating bacteria: it ain't pretty
6. Suicide chills: eventually lethal but more frequently ended by victim
7. Death shakes: tremors come on almost instantly after exposure, escalate to grotesque parody of ecstatic dance, followed swiftly by death
8. Wraith germ: attacks point of contact between spirit and body, creating ghost (death)
9. Dysentery of Abject Misery: immobilizes and kills by dehydration/humiliation
10. Blue anguish: subject turns blue and writhes in agony for 1-6 days until deceased
11. Bone Melter: turns skeleton into so much jelly followed by suffocation
12. Shriveling wastes: victim becomes more hideous than the most ancient lich, then snuffs it unceremoniously

Table Two: Vector
d12
1. Dungeon ooze
2. Anything handled by filthy kobolds
3. Vampire blood
4. Kraken excrement
5. Sewer monsters
6. Bat vomit
7. Monster latrine
8. Subterranean pools
9. Bugbear lice
10. Ancient gold coins leftover from plague-eradicated civilization
11. Draconic cerebrospinal fluid
12. Troll mucus

Table Three: Cures (other than Cure Disease spell)
d12
1-2. Huge monetary sacrifice to the god of the wretched
3-4. 24-hour ritual involving free-form dance and large amounts of chicken blood
5-6. Victim must be bled to within inch of life
7-8. Cup of hot poison (50% chance of instant death anyway)
9-10. Subject must be roasted over open flame until half-dead
11-12. Incurable!

Fleeing the Dungeon

d12
1. Exhausted swordsman w/multiple arrows in back drags unconscious wizard, bleeding profusely and moaning piteously
2. Cyclops clutching superficially wounded eye, doesn't yet realize he's not blind
3. Gaggle of diminutive humanoids evacuating in a big hurry with whatever personal effects they could grab or stuff in a sack
4. Duo of warriors in mad sprint, currently on fire
5. Thief, barely able to contain glee, with sack full of gems and magical trinkets
6. Vampire in wolf form, cursing venomously
7. Dragon w/one horribly mangled wing in state of shock
8. Pale, sweaty, and trembling fledgling wizard with bag of gold in one hand, blood dripping dagger in the other
9. Stampeding herd of torch bearers and men-at-arms, report former employers dead or captured
10. Large cube jelly making off with dead giant whose head is embedded within after fortuitous critical hit
11. Necromancer disguised as escaped prisoner following coup d'état by underlings
12. All the rats as if from a sinking ship

Dungeon Love Connections

Love is both blind and not particularly bright. But its power to make things weird, even in the darkest subterranean pits, can never be entirely snuffed out. Alas!
Roll once on each table below for traditional one-on-one romance, with additional rolls for love triangles or more complex entanglements.

Table One
d12
1. Blind old troll with walker made of bones
2. Poverty-stricken Dragon needing sugar-parent
3. Doppelganger that got in too deep
4. Exceptionally intelligent subhuman poet
5. Dinosaur man: fugitive from menagerie
6. Melancholy Templar of Chaos
7. Exceedingly amorous intelligent ooze
8. Sorcerer's ghost: post-auto-disintegration
9. Half giant with heart of gold
10. The cutest kobold on record
11. Young surface aristocrat looking for thrills
12. Insomniac vampire: bored and clingy

Table Two
d12
1. Disembodied wizard head
2. Otherwise 100% belligerent physical fitness-obsessed ogre (attacks with barbells)
3. Age-withered high priest of chaos unable to contain urges
4. Evil warrior with tragic B.O.
5. Religious zealot slipping away from values
6. Saber tooth dungeon hound
7. Axe-wielding homicidal maniac w/mostly hidden soft side
8. Cyclops w/monocle and delusional social ambitions putting on airs
9. Agent of Law distracted from mission of assassination
10. Polyamorous dwarf: loves deeply and sincerely but needs to spread it around
11. Psychic for whom love remains a major blind spot
12. Wandering dungeon sage with the hormones of a 16 year old

Love Condition Table
d12
1-2. Exciting and new
3-4. All-consuming passion
5-6. Hit the doldrums: comfortable like an old shoe
7-8. Spats of increasing intensity, jealousy, recriminations
9-10. On the skids: ugly break up imminent
11-12. Unrequited

Tiny Dungeon Menaces

d12
1. Immortal Queen of All Ants and her army of 1000 demi-god offspring
2. Miniature UFOs on exploratory mission: based on early findings, invasion postponed indefinitely
3. Armor-eating microorganisms: spread via contact with strangely tarnished enchanted chest plate
4. Hell's own airborne virus: outrageous perspiration and evil thoughts mark onset of infection followed swiftly by black vomit and development of demonic features
5. Ration stealing pocket-apes: non-aggressive, but bite like hell to avoid capture
6. Alarm crickets: bred by intelligent dungeon monsters to chirp loudly when approached by strangers
7. Micro-pudding: slips into boot and starts digesting foot, exudes anaesthetic ichor to mask operations
8. Stealth pixies: sneak into adventurers' packs, uncork potions, defecate on rations, chew scrolls, etc.
9. Ear canal-seeking demons of mimicry: use voices of fellow adventurers to promote paranoiac mayhem
10. Rat lords: palm size humanoids command normal rats to acquire food and treasure, ride out in force astride rodent mounts
11. Archery bugs: defend castle-like hive on dungeon wall with hails of toothpick-size projectiles
12. The Littlest Apparition

Dungeon Relocations

d12
1. Medusa secretly flees befouled relationship with duplicitous demigod, bringing only what she could cram in her overnight bag 
2. Vampire couple and coterie of half-vampire minions hauling wagon w/coffins, pots of native soil
3. Horde of subhumans displaced by spike in subterranean dinosaur population: roll hideous stone idols on greased logs
4. Dragon's real estate agent scouts for luxury lair-away-from-home
5. Brood of recently-hatched giant spiders: egg-sack mates or no, cannibalize one another as they seek lairs of their own
6. Necromancer w/train of zombies overburdened by eldritch collectibles
7. Troupe of ogre musicians skipping out on the rent
8. Company of evil mercenaries w/new customer: taking sweet time, 50% chance of drunken bivouac
9. Witch followed by magically animated worldly possessions
10. Caravan of slug-men and team of headless lizards (under psychic control) transport vats of vital ichors, carefully packed crates of slug-man eggs
11. Forlorn god-like abomination leads remaining flock of cultists, equally downcast, after losing out to wildly popular new deity in former locale
12. Unlikely mix of dungeon creatures evacuate en mass as from Warner Bros. Tasmanian Devil (tm).

Note: Due to frayed nerves, suppressed anxiety and stressors inherent in relocating, reactions to adventurers skew heavily toward hostility

Wandering the Dungeon Self-righteously

d12
1. Lone paladin on one man anti-chaos crusade: scorched, bleeding, half his once-shining plate armor missing, crazed look of maniacal enthusiasm
2. Procession of sun god acolytes loaded down with implements of destruction en route to desecrate shrine of enemy deity
3. Victim of fantasy psychosis believes self to be messianic fulfilment of prophecy
4. Gaggle of adventurers bearing corpse of honored comrade: easily ticked off
5. Newly christened doom cultists prattle ceaselessly about their tedious conversion experiences
6. Back from the dead to everyone's surprise, the rightful heir to the dungeon
7. Plague doctor and medical assistants w/deceased specimen on stretcher gleefully race to laboratory
8. Envoy from underworld civilization makes way to surface w/message of campaign world-shattering importance
9. United Factions peacekeeping forces
10. Surface world prince w/full retinue & elite troopers on mission to rescue kidnapped noble
11. Imperial Dungeon Inspectors (actually impostors)
12. Hell-bent unicorn on mission of darkest vengeance against evil

Unexpected Intrusions into the Standard Orc Lair

"Me stole helmet fair and square."

d12
1. Ogre bounty hunters happily smashing their way to the chieftain's quarters to serve warrant from former employer for dereliction of duty: they will consider any bribes or interesting offers
2. Black pudding invasion: acting in concert as if directed by some remote agency, puddings choke the halls, killing and moving on w/out pause for digestion
3. Giant sub-draconic reptile has unintentionally wedged itself in a too-narrow passage, orcs contemplating the best approach, discussing recipes
4. Three infuriated stone giants concoct plans to extract kidnapped giant infant from the uncomfortably small spaces of the lair
5. Out-of-control local giant rat population has once again despoiled the entire stock of provisions and scamper about the lair w/impunity, hungry orc tempers flare
6. Chief's cousin and impoverished survivors of neighboring complex line the halls looking pathetic, granted temporary refugee status after adventurers trashed their lair, tensions rising between factions
7. High elf zealot, leader of separatist movement w/squad of kick-ass bodyguards, plots anti-elf treason w/orc chief
8. Barbarian whose dinged-up-but-still-magical helmet remains in the possession of orc warlord finds himself surrounded and half-filled with arrows, but still holding his own in an ultimately hopeless tactical position
9. Sorcerer and chiefs of staff pop in for a surprise inspection: orcs scramble to and fro in mad panic, tidying up, trying to look organized
10. Burrowing monstrosity breaches deepest area of lair, allowing access to abysmal depths and vice versa, disembodied spirits streaming in 
11. Partial corporeal manifestation of minor deity, taking time out of busy schedule to address the terrified troops
12. All the orcs are dead at the hands of marauding dopplegangers, now busy amusing themselves with a bit of (legitimate) cosplay

Details For the Otherwise Empty Dungeon Room

d12
1. Hundreds and hundreds of mouse-size holes of indeterminate depth
2. Walls composed of stone with dimly luminous veins of an unknown compound
3. Scything blade trap just inside the doorway, rusted in sprung position
4. Intricate mosaic spells out obscenities in ancient script
5. Blood trail leading to middle of wall (no secret door)
6. Gummy substance on top, bottom and sides of door: hermetically seals room when closed
7. Some settling has occurred: unusual pitch of floor, walls and ceiling creates optical illusion, seeming downgrade actually gentle incline
8. Sizable swarm of dungeon gnats forms into patterns that appear to be a repeating series of runes
9. Heap of funerary ashes w/unidentifiable bone fragments
10. Packet of extremely old hard tack: now really quite hard indeed
11. Mirrored ceiling, clean(er) spots where furniture used to be
12. All-out insect war in progress: huge colonies chewed into opposite walls, floor strewn with countless tiny casualties, sophisticated troop formations attempting to outflank one another

Fluids in the Dungeon Well

d12
1. Single tear of a titan shed in cosmic anguish
2. Clear lubricant 100 times more slippery than oil
3. Dwarf water: magically condensed, one small vial/day to maintain peak hydration
4. Enough deadly virus-laden slough to infect a city or two
5. Black water: potable but temporarily renders skin as pitch
6. Digestive juices of the well-shaped beast
7. Repulsive soup of decomposition
8. Industrial-strength solvent
9. Liquid nitrogen
10. Protoplasmic stew burgeoning with Cambrian explosion-like panoply of novel life forms
11. Nutritionally complete monster fuel
12. Liquid evil