Month: March 2017

Love or Kin (2004; Revised 2019 [Aubade]

Darkness surrounds her,
The chill of the cascade binds her to her knees.
A soft glow rises from the water around her,
As she waits under pale moon.
He’ll be there soon.

As she closes her eyes,
His huge, scarred hands clasp her shoulders.
Instantly, she is warm,
Against the coarse hair of his body.
Her gentle love.

They are of different blood,
Divided by centuries of war and strife.
Mortal enemies for as long as both races have existed,
In this world.
Tonight is their last.

He must fight for his lord on the morn,
Against his beloved’s kin.
Not even her love can save him,
From this day of bitter glory.
A death of honor awaits his bones.

He wishes to tell her his heart—
The words fail his simple mind.
She is from a different world,
How could he ever make her understand?
Why, he must die for blood.

She pulls him closer,
Waiting for him to embrace her as every night,
Before.
Instead he pulls away,
Leaving her to wonder why he has forsaken her.
He hears her cry.

She wails for him not to go,
Hoping he’ll return to her loving arms.
Yet, he leaves her to her forever future,
They could never be together.
She, elf, he, orc.

Two Souls (2004) [Free Verse]

A fate of two souls,
One made of light,
The other of dark, evil, night.
One will give his friendship freely,
The other horde’s his own.
One will give his place to others,
No matter if his need is great.
The other steals the joy from life,
Growling at society’s rules.
And yet they are one.
They share the same mind and heart.

The light cherishes his family,
While the dark one hates the strife.
Both would die for freedom.
One for freedom’s sake,
The other for glorious death.
Even on love they agree.
The good soul worries and protects,
The evil soul denies and refuses.
There is joy, tenderness, and love of life.
But not love of the heart.
The souls deem it too much to risk.

I am those two souls.

The Emotion and the Pain (2004) [Free Verse]

To understand my past is difficult for most.
The way I lived was full of shadow.
My family was my strength, my reason for existing.
God was my only true friend, so caring and understanding.

But I was never complete.
School was a joke, I never fit in or cared.
There were never any good times that I can still remember.
But the worst of times will haunt my dreams.

Society was the enemy, I hated it and myself.
It fed off my emotions like a carnivore enraged.
And the more I fought it, the worse it became.
I was helpless.

A weaker person may have rolled over and died.
But I knew that there was reason for life.
Some day I would find my place in the world.
Even if I had to conquer it first.

Yet as time wore on I cared less.
I was more interested in surviving.
My home became my fortress and my heart, black ice.
I cannot tell you what it was like, living only with hate.

And then a voice from outside the darkness called to me.
“Walk with me, my friend,” it said.
Is it God’s holy messenger or the Devil in disguise.
I could not let the doubt, allow the chance to pass by.

At first I was hesitant and suspicious of the voice.
But it showed me a world that I never knew.
And life began to have true meaning at last.
There is a place for me.

While my heart will always remain dark inside.
And my eyes will always have a haunted gaze.
The past that I lived and hate.
Will not destroy the promise of the future.

Yet, I’m still not complete inside.
And while life has some meaning now.
Nothing can help me with my remaining pain.
I have always been alone.

And here I stand at the edge of the world.
Torn between the promise and the pain.
Doomed to an Eternity of life.
My heart has died but I must live.

Shadow Dancer (2004) [Free Verse]

The lights, the smoke, the stage,
The show will begin shortly.
Coke for me, beer for my friend.
This is his night out.
I’m just here for the show.
Tight bodies of the unattainable,
Women of the stage,
Dancers or strippers,
Call them what you will.
Tonight they are all goddesses.
Why do they do it?
Maybe for fame, or for money.
But tonight they dance for me.
Oh, I have no illusions,
Only my senses to guide me.
Each will be as spectacular as the last.
I wonder,

Why are there so many women,
Who are completely unattainable?
And not just here in this place,
But everywhere,
At every moment in time?

The announcer breaks the music,
Another beauty for the stage,
To lure money away from the masses.
Men hoot and holler,
Some women in the crowd as well.
It just shows,
How much our world has changed.
The dancer is haunting and yet distant.
Tall, blonde, dressed in black,
She is confident in her walk.
I am mesmerized,
She is willful in her movement.
Seductive and arrogant,
Tender, yet fierce.
A woman who has lived her way,
And made hard choices in her life.
I wonder,

How did she become this goddess?
So feminine and yet edged,
Like a samurai sword.
This form in the night,
This, shadow dancer.

Night of my Mind (2004) [FreeVerse]

The darkness around me while I sleep,
Does not compare with the shadows of my mind.
Follow me now into those shadows.
My soul runs through a darkened landscape,
Yet no real life lives here.
Headstones, shallow graves and desolation,
Consumes the soil.
Horror and evil wanders the shadows,
Dying over and over again each night.
Resurrected by pain.
It runs to free itself,
Through countless fields of torment,
And endless hills of haunted dreams.
I pray it can outrun the darkness. It cannot.

How do you outrun your own darkness?
My soul feels the darkness take control,
It collapses to the barren ground.
The chase is over.
The transformation has begun.
Its breathing grows heavy,
An eerie glow consumes the eyes,
A low growl passes through its lips.
The ground shifts and cracks.
My soul transforms,
The bones crack and flesh tears.
Wicked claws, course hair,
Jagged teeth, form of the beast.
The soul body reforms,
Into what even the shadows fear.
The creature.

It is the master of the darkness of my mind.
It howls its defiance to the shadows.
Smoke billows as it breathes,
Fire burns in its core.
It calls forth its prey.
Millions of the dead,
Crawl from the gravescape.
It howls again.
The dead memories of the past,
Shiver in fear.
It is their own fault that it hunts them.
They created it.
They gave it form and purpose.
Every time a harsh word was whispered,
Every time wicked laughter stole joy,
Every time a cold shoulder killed love.
Dark power.

It begins its hunt,
Mercilessly tearing through the memories.
Good or bad, it doesn’t matter anymore.
The night screams.
Now it is their turn to run.
None will escape this night,
They never do.
And beyond the shadow lands of my mind,
My sleeping form shivers and moans,
In the darkness that surrounds my unrest,
The nightmares will be vivid this night.
My heart races with each death of memory.
The beast inside roars and the body thrashes,
And again and again,
All night, every night,
For as long as I can remember,
The beast has stalked the darkness,
Killing my past,
In the night of my mind.

Lust (2004) [Free Verse]

Oh. My. Goddess.
She can’t be real.
But she is, here with me.
Long luscious legs an heavenly hips.
Thank-you-God thighs and beautiful, bare breasts.

The heat rises in the room, as she comes closer.
Wow. Is that butterfly tattooed on her stomach?
She kicks off her high heels and crawls onto the bed, catlike.
Strands of golden hair pour over her shoulders.
She purrs at me.

Candlelight glows off her ebony skin.
Her black beaded hair against my chest.
Her hands wrap around my neck as she settles against me.
Wait,
Wasn’t her hair blonde?

Then it hits me.
Shit! I’m dreaming.
Her skin shimmers into a pale, milky white.
Her hair turns a fiery red tangle.
As she tosses her head back in ecstasy.

Ah what the hell! Just go with it.
Her eyes flash green then brown then blue.
Her skin shimmers every beautiful shade in nature.
Her hair turns from long and golden to brown to dyed pink.
As she writhes upon me, our mouths and bodies locked together.

I understand who she is.
She is all of them.
All at once.
She is every woman I ever felt that way about.
Lust.

I Remember (2004) [Free Verse]

It’s like I’m still standing there.
The driveway seemed shorter,
Then the first time I was there.
Of course, it had been summer then,
The trees were green, alive.
Not sleeping on a cold evening in February.
The driveway had been lined with cars that day.
I remember,

A picnic table—there it is.
The house, seemed larger the first time.
A wooden porch, looks worn and old now.
Cat—more than one?
A path, surrounded by green and flowers.
A pool built into a deck—in the back.
But most of all, I remember the view.
I remember,

Trees spread in every direction.
A meshwork of green and brown,
That captivated my soul,
Or at least what was left of it.
It was at that moment that I knew,
I never had a chance.
My heart would never leave this place.
I remember,

It wasn’t the view I loved.
No, that was just the final nail.
And here I was again,
Standing in front of the house.
A message went from hand to porch.
I did not go to the back.
I did not have to see it.
I remember.

Electric Atmosphere (2003) [Free Verse]

It happened the first day,
I stepped out of the elevator.
I knew it would be eerie.
I close my eyes and drift back.
Eight years in time my mind travels.
The memories are just as vivid.
I remember the first day.
New friends,
New experiences,
Rock thunders soul.
The mind expanded,
The heart explored.
Inhibitions lost,
Chances taken.
I began to live.

I began to see the world around me.
I see her and knew real passion,
Powered by electric atmosphere.
Every sense awoke to her presence.
She inspired the words of,
Darkness of the Night,
My muse,
Of the emotion captured,
And the pain torn away,
She rebuilt the bridge,
Of imagination,
The Dark Heart,
Took hold of me,
In this place.

And in this place it happens again.
I can hear her alive spirit,
Her presence is strong.
It infects my entire being.
Returns with a vengeance of heart.
It burns the mind,
Electrifies the soul once more.
I write again,
I sense everything,
Every word spoken,
Electric air,
Shocks the skin.
No one can see,
But I experience it,
The past is alive.

Faith (2003) [Confessional]

The Lord is my Shepard. . .
No, that’s not it.
My faith’s not like that.
It’s more like.
The Lord. . .

Is my Shield.
He protects me from the darkness,
That I face each day and night.
In my soul.
Faith. . .

Is my Sword.
Sheathed in His radiance.
To fight the madness,
Tormenting my mind.
Love. . .

Is His gift to us.
His greatest weapon,
Wielded by all who believe.
His humanity at its best.
God. . .

Is my strength unleashed.
Driving me to live.
To fight each day,
God’s soldier in the darkness.
I Believe. . .

The Lord is my Shield.
Faith is my Sword.
Love is His gift to us.
God is my strength unleashed.

Goodbye (2003) [Free Verse]

Last day,
Thirteen painful years were about to be over.
I should have been happy.
I was never more sad then I was that day.

She never knew,
At least that was the blind hope.
I hid it for years,
Afraid of the shadows in my mind.

Last test,
She finished way before me.
I thought that was it,
I’d never see her again.

Heart, broken,
There wasn’t anyone else to blame.
Heart, beating,
How I ever passed I will never know.

One thing left,
Just have to clean out my locker.
I should have know,
I was never lucky in thirteen years of hell.

A door opens,
She comes out of the washroom.
Fitting and funny,
That place hadn’t finished flushing away my soul.

She spoke,
Time seemed to slow as my fear rose.
‘What’ and ‘now’,
It’s all I remember her saying.

Behind me,
I keep my back to her so she can’t see the pain.
‘Don’t’ and ‘know’,
It’s all I remember saying in response.

Then it was over,
I left my youth and heart in that place.
Goodbye,
A part of me haunts those halls.