{"@attributes":{"version":"2.0"},"channel":{"title":"quit it, sky. i'm tired.","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/","description":"quit it, sky. i'm tired. - LiveJournal.com","lastBuildDate":"Sat, 31 Dec 2011 13:32:16 GMT","generator":"LiveJournal \/ LiveJournal.com","item":[{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17804.html","pubDate":"Sat, 31 Dec 2011 13:32:16 GMT","title":"something from 2008 for 2012","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17804.html","description":"


at one point our paths crossed in the sky.
\tbut we did not know how to stop moving forward.<\/blockquote>

Helsinki, December 2008.<\/div>

  1. find a song that makes you happy. whenever you'd play you'd feel this joy in you. even if only briefly.<\/li>
  2. post random messages around your hometown. leave a note in the bus saying 'I'd like to be your friend, but I'm too scared'.<\/li>
  3. go to a tourist information and speak in English with a strong foreign accent. ask ridiculous questions. apologize every minute. tell them that you are from Moldova. smile.<\/li>
  4. be sad and be happy and be joyful and be jealous and be whatever you want to be as long as you are not afraid of being what you are. it is hard. if nothing else, then be alone. and be what you want to be.<\/li>
  5. write a letter. write about yourself. things that you like about yourself. things that you like about the world. things that you like. things that make you happy. pick a telephone directory. browsed until you find a name that you really like. take the address and send the letter to that person.<\/li>
  6. one morning wake up earlier than your mother. make breakfast for her. ask your mother what was her dream when she was young. what did she want to become? what's her favorite color? did she have her own room in her childhood?<\/li>
  7. take a local bus that you have never taken. take your camera and preferably your friend. talk about the things that you did yesterday. keep your eyes on the view. get out of the bus at a random stop and take another public transportation. get lost. wonder. be with your friend and get to know him\/her. don't worry about what will happen. (take a phone, too. just in case, but turn it off.)<\/li>
  8. go through your old photos. see what you used to be. see what you are now. embrace yourself. love yourself because you came this far. it has been a rough, difficult journey but do realize that you're still standing and breathing and living and that if nothing else is already an accomplishment.<\/li>
  9. when someone compliments you don't start arguing with the person. accept it. say thank you if you cannot say anything else. imagine that the person was being serious. picture a scenario where a person really enjoys you and likes your work. feel good about it. feel amazing about it. feel free to be a good person.<\/li>
  10. write a note to yourself. 'everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end.' and put it somewhere where you'll see it all the time. because in the end everything will be ok.<\/li><\/ol><\/td><\/tr><\/table><\/a><\/font><\/div><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17804.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17598.html","pubDate":"Wed, 22 Jul 2009 08:23:05 GMT","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17598.html","description":"ohnosunday!<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17598.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17249.html","pubDate":"Wed, 13 May 2009 21:23:18 GMT","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17249.html","description":"http:\/\/nosundays.wordpress.com<\/a> -
    spam as we call it.","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/17249.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16903.html","pubDate":"Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:22:00 GMT","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16903.html","description":"this is when the sky mates with the clouds and together they create the sun.



    the trees sing a love song and the street lamp cried, because the song is meant to be heard only by the ones who are in love with someone who loves them back.



    when the clouds get darker and moody the sky says: i'm here for you. always.

    take my hand come closer and kiss me when everyone is looking at us.



    in the tunnel speaking words saying goodbyes crying because nothing else make sense.



    running running running forgot your ticket and inspectors demand for money you say I'm sorry I was in love.



    we go to the cinema and the only movie I'm able to watch is you.



    in hurry in rush madam please can you take a photo of us no sorry I'm not in love and don't wish to take a photo of love.



    the only thing that the tree desires is to be a James Bond and in love. you don't need both I say. love is enough.



    apples red green yellow which one is your favorite it used to be green but now it's you.



    people come and go they enter your life and find a door out. you took me to Mc Donald's and I never find my way out. but I had you.



    the train station had never said I love you so many times. neither had the train.



    the stars up there and you down here with me.



    this story is read only to few. it started with he's the only thing in my mind. it ended with he's the only thing my mind and I'm the only thing in his mind.

    departure: falling in love. arrival: falling out of love. helsinki february 2009.



    the sun is mating with the trains in front of our eyes. helsinki february 2009.



    it's just another love story with a poor girl falling in love with a stranger. helsinki february 2009.



    your heart is under construction but don't stop that you from living. helsinki february 2009.



    he tells you he loves you. but nothing has changed. helsinki february 2009.

    the ocean of night lights and there's nothing else to do than surrender. Helsinki December 2008.



    she wants you to take a tram number five to her heart. Helsinki December 2008.



    remember those days when Christmas lights didn't cry? Helsinki December 2008.



    the buildings can't stand darkness nor do they like the artificial light. Helsinki December 2008.



    these colors are too much for your blind eyes. Helsinki December 2008.



    leave the forests behind and seeks yourself in a city of polar bears. Helsinki December 2008.



    I am in love with a boy called Bird. unfortunately I'm a boy, too. Helsinki December 2008.



    when he speaks your language and you still don't understand him. Helsinki December 2008.

    just put your hands up when you know you\u2019re in love.

    do you know that the sun has never seen the Earth?

    he films you & the city with the lights. you feel important. finally.

    I keep reminding myself that if you didn't care you wouldn't say I love you.

    do you understand German bus drivers? because I don't.

    your heartbeat says: I'm in love with a stranger who I've never never seen.

    you say I love you when you actually mean that you love the idea of me.","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16903.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16740.html","pubDate":"Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:55:01 GMT","title":"inspiration","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16740.html","description":"
    I'm in desperate need of inspiration.
    please post quotes & photos & songs & links & everything that would inspire the moon & yourself.<\/center>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16740.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16544.html","pubDate":"Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:14:30 GMT","title":"your screaming silence","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16544.html","description":"your words surely can break my clavicles
    and you wouldn\u2019t even hear the crack.

    as you sit in the corner i smile and ask
    if you want to love me. no reply.

    your screaming silence determinedly crushes
    my segregated heart.

    stretch your lungs you demand and i can\u2019t help myself asking
    how i\u2019m suppose to continue breathing.

    \u201dimagine that you\u2019re drowning \u2013
    how are you going to breathe?\u201d","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16544.html?view=comments#comments","category":"poetry"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16377.html","pubDate":"Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:13:29 GMT","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16377.html","description":"
    they're making a list of people who're amazing enough to deserve to be happy and in love with someone who is in love with them and no you didn't make it. we all wish to be different and special but in the end everything crashes when there's a small cut in your heart and you guessed wrong it doesn't bleed which means no one will watch you bleed and if that does not crush your world then we have people who are happier than you're you might not know the names but you see them walking in the streets and holding hands even though they're gay but because they have made into the list they've the possibility to be happy and thus to be brave to walk in front of people without getting your heart twist. and even if you were in the list even if you had the chance to be happy which obviously is over-rated and you saw a person in the city of Johannesburg screaming and yearning for better life would you exchange the roles with a black drug-user to give him the opportunity would you do that? neither would I and that's the reason why we're disqualified from the list.<\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/16377.html?view=comments#comments","category":"2008"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15884.html","pubDate":"Fri, 19 Dec 2008 23:36:03 GMT","title":"learning to love yourself, the only lesson taken","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15884.html","description":"
    At noon, under the smoking city lights, you grabbed my skeleton and buttered it with cream and topped with a cherry that you plucked from my neighbor\u2019s garden. The traffic was everything else than a chaos, the movements were fast enough to cheer up a child, but we both knew we both needed more than the city offered you. We spoke to each other very much, but your words made me want to go to a library and look up a word or two or three and all I understood was that you were becoming a traffic jam.
    All I see how much I wanted to be the car which would cause you.

    : I\u2019m not keen on living anymore. I like the way the gasoline smells. Whenever I walk by a hospital, I think of many people that are getting their passports stamped to the better place.
    : You shouldn\u2019t be thinking like that.
    : I shouldn\u2019t.
    : But you\u2019re.
    : I\u2019m.<\/div>

    dearest,
    I speak with a sincere heart whenever it is possible. today the day when I\u2019m not able to do so, I write you this letter so you know that no matter what the miracles are all around us.
    I loved your scent when I met you for the first time. it was very dearly, but my mind was occupied by your way of keep your hair controlled. the space, the fiercest Gods and the clouds together sent their armies to rally against the unwillingness of your hair to flow in the air of theirs. you were modeling for the city that you so deeply loved and the photographer was tainted by everything that you touched.
    when you uttered a word it seemed like everyone, even your beloved unicorns that outshined me every time when I met them, was listening to the Earth, the gracious world and when I asked how you did it, you acted as if you did not know what I was asking for.
    this short letter,
    my dearest,
    isn\u2019t much.
    loved you.

    insincerely, you<\/i>

    We needed clarification. Our story, complicated and misunderstood by both of us, was too valuable to be drowned in the ocean of mistaken matches. In the balcony when you grabbed my skeleton, you said things that reinforced the city lights. How is that you can make the lights shine brighter with a smile of yours, but when it comes me, you do not even need to touch the heart to turn it off?

    We both liked stories. A storyteller falling in love with another storyteller, everyone used to say. We were the army of the skies and the ocean who would battle against the Gods, the space and the clouds who were too bitter. Our mothers told us that we were too similar, too identical. Yet we beamed brilliantly until the fuel
    ran out.<\/blockquote>

    : I went to Brooklyn hoping to get killed.
    : you didn\u2019t.
    : I did.
    : why?
    : because I\u2019m not keen on living.
    : where you ever?
    : for a moment.
    : when?
    : when I saw you for the first time.
    : what happened?
    : I saw you for the second time.<\/div>

    The space shuttle broke in the moon and the astronauts were trapped. The media was alarmed, charities began to collect money for themselves with a new excuse and people were terrified about their sons and daughters in the moon. Chaos, traffic jams, you wanted them and I would bring them to you.

    : you loved me?
    : I loved you.
    : you love me?
    : I loved you.
    : you will love me?
    : I loved you.
    : love me?
    : you tried.
    : I tried.
    : love yourself.
    : love myself.
    : and you couldn\u2019t.
    : and I couldn\u2019t.<\/div>

    It\u2019s a clich\u00e9. I tried harder than anyone. When I sat in the balcony under the smoking city lights at noon, nothing rushed in my mind. The hallow image of a skeleton ran through my hands, they said that I\u2019d have to start from the beginning and I did, I decorated it and tried to love it, but there was too much else in my mind. He said he loved me and I told him that I loved him, but really I loved the fact that he loved me. My mother told me that she loved me more than anything else than and I told her that I loved her, but really I loved the fact the she loved me more than anything else (in the universe, I hoped). And then you came and asked me to love yourself in a way that they loved me.

    : I\u2019m one of those astronauts in the moon with the broken spaceship.
    : and people are worried sick.
    : I\u2019m trapped.
    : they care.
    : I tried.
    : yes.<\/div><\/div><\/font>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15884.html?view=comments#comments","category":["2008","plot","sober","in helsinki"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15660.html","pubDate":"Fri, 19 Dec 2008 01:56:50 GMT","title":"a star in love with the black hole","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15660.html","description":"
    I keep reminding my heart that it needs to beat, I keep reminding my lungs that they need to breathe, I keep reminding my brain that you are coming soon from the place where you went to. They asked me if I was okay and there was nothing to say. I smiled back and they assumed the worst.

    When you were a boy, you promised that whenever you left me the brightest star in the sky would keep me company while you\u2019d be gone. The day you were leaving, I asked you to point out the star so I wouldn\u2019t be wondering too long in the space. It was daytime, but you finger found its direction.

    I speak to the star whenever I feel lonely. She tells me that you\u2019re coming soon, and she asked me keep my chin up, because everything will be even better than before. The keys to the sky were difficult to find, and someone informed that you had taken them with you. I had to buy new ones so I could visit her.

    One morning a star fell. That night I had forgotten to remind myself of a place where two of us could live together happily ever after. The noise created by the crash woke up the whole village, only babies slept through the violent disturbance. My first instinct was that she was burnt out.

    No one knew what had happened. Children said that the star committed suicide, because the black hole did not love her back. A mother commented that there was no need to be that na\u00efve if someone actually fell for the black hole, he should be nothing more than grateful. There are only a handful of things that are stupid enough to love him.

    I wrote you a letter telling that your friend was in an accident, because I didn\u2019t want to make you worry too much. I told you in the end that I loved you and wanted you to come back home. I wished to say more, but I didn\u2019t know how you would feel about my feelings so I decided not to write anything else. I didn\u2019t have your address.

    The doctor of the village took care of the star, or to put in other words, tried to help her. He wasn\u2019t educated to heal stars, although he had studied them when he was younger. No one wanted to visit her as the story was that she was crazy, brainsick to fall in love with the black hole and disturbed to even consider of committing suicide, because of him.

    We all love things we shouldn\u2019t love. A person rarely decides to become a doctor for his love for humans and animals. Sometimes we love our friends more than we love our parents who taught us how to swim in the ocean. Easily we tend to judge people for not doing the thing that is right. Comfortably we forget that controlling our feelings is more than difficult than it looks like.

    While I kept reminding my heart, my lungs and m brains, I visited the star in the hospital. She was dehydrated and one knew what she drank if she drank anything. She looked lonely, devastated and the wounds on her tail were not healing as fast as the doctor wished. She kept staring the window as if there was something waiting for her. As if she knew someone is coming for her.

    It was your birthday the morning the star fell out from the sky. I baked a cake for the occasion and gave it out in the village. They asked me again if I was okay and I replied with a smile, their assumptions didn\u2019t change. People took a piece of cake and rushed to see the star who willingly had sacrificed her spot in the space. It was too much for her. It was beginning to be too much for me.

    I asked her if she was the brightest star in the sky. She told me she wasn\u2019t the brightest star in the sky, but she heard the conversation that I had with the brightest start in the sky. I felt awkward as if it had mattered if the whole universe had heard my miseries and thoughts. She told me that entire universe had heard everything. I muttered something back.

    It wasn\u2019t his fault, she said one afternoon when I visited her for the seventh time. No one knows him. He likes to pretend to be everything that they say about him. If only they discussed how wonderful he is, he would be wonderful. My sister told that he wouldn\u2019t love back and he over-heard the conversation. So he decided to pretend not to love me. And I was too blind to see through the act.

    The children of the village wanted to see the star when it was late-January and snowing, because they heard she was healed and ready to jump back into the space. We all were ready to witness her journey back to the place where she belonged to. But the children wanted to know if she was planning to marry the black hole after all the things she had go through.

    The last time I visited her, she told me that if I continue telling my heart, my lungs, my brain, I\u2019d never be able to let go. He is gone. I need to live without reminding myself to live, I need to breathe without reminding my lungs to breathe, I need to feel the beat in my without reminding my heart to beat. Otherwise I\u2019m only being here, not living the life.

    When it was the time to her to open the sky with my key, the black hole crashed and smashed against the hospital. The villagers gasped, the star began to cry and the doctor rushed to help the black hole knowing nothing about it. The tragedy had taken the hearts of the people, even the mothers who had judged the black hole began to weep as there seemed be no happy ending to any story in the village.

    Miracle, someone whispered. The black hole became conscious, waking up after a long, terrifying nightmare. The star, after realizing what was happening, ceased crying and things changed, children cheered and mothers were overwhelmingly joyful. The black hole had been trying to visit the star ever since that one morning, but the skies were locked and the spare key in the space was accidentally eaten by the Earth\u2019s moon.

    A year later children came with the news that the black hole and the star were married. And by that time I kept reminding myself of nothing.<\/a><\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15660.html?view=comments#comments","category":["2008","sober","in helsinki"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15389.html","pubDate":"Thu, 18 Dec 2008 01:53:12 GMT","title":"until tomorrow(\/today)","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15389.html","description":"There\u2019s this different kind of Monday-morning. When I woke up, there was someone next to me. You were next to me, sleeping and dreaming of something that I wasn\u2019t sure about what but hopefully it was about me, about us, about us in the future. We all wish to be dreamt of, and all I used to say was until tomorrow, I\u2019ll be yours, I said to myself that tomorrow I\u2019ll be someone\u2019s, I continued and continued until it happened even if only in my dreams, in my mind, in my soul. And then when I really woke up there was no one next to me and uttered the words \u2018until tomorrow\u2019 and nothing happened, tomorrow came, it became today and then it was already yesterday and before I even knew it, I was forty-eight years old, never slept next to someone, never kissed anyone and I was afraid, afraid of sleeping alone rest of my life, afraid of being alone, afraid and that\u2019s how I had lived my life and that\u2019s how I continued living my life.

    Then there was a Tuesday-morning, I uttered \u2018until tomorrow\u2019, I drank my coffee, I went to work and greeted my colleagues and they looked me indifferently, I had seen those looks before in my life already and I pushed harder, I told myself that I wouldn\u2019t be waiting anymore, enough of waiting and I asked Hannah if she wanted to come out with me and she was happy to do so and so we went to Japan, although I had only meant London and she fell in love with a Chinese boy and kissed him and I went to the hotel room alone, I was lonely, frozen and I looked myself at the mirror and asked if I was beautiful, if I was worth of loving and someone knocked the door and there was a little girl, sweet and delicate.

    lonely woman: what are you doing here?
    lonely girl: looking for.
    lonely woman: looking for what, dear?
    lonely girl: looking for something.
    lonely woman: what do you mean, darling?
    lonely girl: I think I\u2019m looking for tomorrow.
    lonely woman: what for?
    lonely girl: so I can find hope.

    I hope to fall in love.
    We all do in the end. There are six million people who wish to fall in love with someone who would fall in love with them. Unfortunately not all of them are lucky enough to be in love. Some do fall in love, but these are the people who become obsessed with people who don\u2019t care about them. Some are fortunate enough to love someone who loves them back. Others never fall in love, because they wish to protect themselves from anything bad that could happen to them and some might them judge them for not living, but honestly who does live \u2018happily ever after\u2019? The train leaves the station, the girl leaves with the train, everything goes away and something new always seems to enter your life, something new and peculiar and you\u2019re never sure if this is your chance unless you take it and if you take it you, you might be heart-broken or you might be crazy about the life. when I was eighteen, I told this boy that I

    liked him

    and he said don\u2019t you like me anymore and soon my world began to crumble and I didn\u2019t even know it was possible.

    the boy: why not?
    lonely woman: because I haven\u2019t seen you.
    the boy: so your love stopped?
    lonely woman: yes.
    the boy: would you love me again?
    lonely woman: no.
    the boy: why not?
    lonely woman: I already loved you once and it didn\u2019t do anything good.
    the boy: but I liked being loved.
    lonely woman: I wouldn\u2019t know how it feels like to be loved.

    we met every year and we repeated the conversation every single year, because he wanted to know that he had been loved even if it was long time ago and I wished to know that I was able to love someone and in the end it benefited only one of us, not him, because he had his change, but me, because I knew I was capable of loving and then a gentleman knocked the door of my apartment and the dialog began.

    gentleman: I love you.
    lonely woman: why?
    gentleman: because.
    lonely woman: because?
    gentleman: can\u2019t explain.
    lonely woman: me neither.
    gentleman: will love me back?
    lonely woman: can I decide that?
    gentleman: if you could, would you?
    lonely woman: if I could, yes.
    gentleman: can you?
    lonely woman: I can\u2019t.

    we had a perfect relationship and I still couldn\u2019t find the way to love him, we were perfect, I was perfect for him, he was perfect for me, I have been sleeping alone for so long, I needed someone next to me, I dreamt of waking up next to someone and when something happens, I say no, I blatantly scream no and we all do that, we all fall in love with someone who wouldn\u2019t fall in love with us, because that\u2019s the way to keep the interest up and if these people love us back, it won\u2019t last, we need them to keep us alive, we need a face to make us wake up in the morning, we all fall in and out of love, it is a need that forces us to be something with someone else and until tomorrow comes, I\u2019m able to be this day alone and that\u2019s how survived yesterday and that\u2019s how I breathe through the day before yesterday. a knock.

    lonely girl: tomorrow came.
    lonely woman: and?
    lonely girl: the hope came.
    lonely woman: oh dear. that\u2019s wonderful.
    lonely girl: no it isn\u2019t.
    lonely woman: what happened?
    lonely girl: tomorrow became today.
    lonely woman: what do you mean, darling?
    lonely girl: no difference.
    lonely woman: what?
    lonely girl: tomorrow always becomes today. and when it becomes today, nothing is different. you wait for tomorrow, you wait for hope to arrive with nine o\u2019clock train, but when it comes, you realize it\u2019s already today and tomorrow had already arrived, only in today\u2019s disguise and we lose everything.
    lonely woman: no dear, you\u2019ve mistaken\u2026
    lonely girl: what\u2019s the day today?
    lonely woman: the seventeenth.
    lonely girl: if it was sixteenth today, what would the seventeenth be?
    lonely woman: tomorrow\u2026
    lonely girl: so we have tomorrow. but it\u2019s already today.
    lonely woman: I\u2019m sorry I\u2019m not following\u2026
    lonely girl: no one does. no one wants to.
    lonely woman: but\u2026
    lonely girl: there\u2019s no tomorrow. there\u2019s only today.
    lonely woman: but\u2026
    lonely girl: only today.

    the boy: you love me?
    lonely woman: it\u2019s today.
    the boy: so?
    lonely woman: yes.
    the boy: good.
    lonely woman: you love me back?
    the boy: it\u2019s today.
    lonely woman: so?
    the boy: not yet.
    lonely woman: tomorrow?
    the boy: maybe.","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15389.html?view=comments#comments","category":"drinking\/soberish"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15295.html","pubDate":"Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:14:52 GMT","title":"the person you love the most","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15295.html","description":"
    empty words are swallowing your mind and thoughts. you wish to write words down, but when white blank space is in front of you, everything just escapes and runs away and you try to capture the phrases that are flooding around you, but you\u2019re drowning and you\u2019re drowning faster and faster and then robots come and they collapse and engineering is the last thing you know. we all have our moments when we crash, but because we\u2019re so complex and difficult, it\u2019s hard to tell anyone that excuse me lady, I\u2019m not doing well, could you please take care of me? you tell yourself you are beautiful, you touch your skin and the only thing you can feel is the desire to be something else, the need to be someone else, the frustration of being you and these words, these thoughts have been running through your mind since you met him (and you there, in your case her) and you wish to be perfect, flowingly perfect and nothing would satisfy you more than being this image of perfection. the white screen becomes alive, you\u2019re terrified, the mirror becomes realer, you\u2019re terrified, the crash in your system is happening soon and engineers of the world are occupied with the crisis of their own and no one is here to bring you back, drowning and drowning and sadness becomes louder and louder, she begins to scream and yell and she doesn\u2019t want let you go, but you\u2019re tired, tired of judging yourself, tired of not being enough, tired of looking at yourself as if you were a stranger to yourself, tired and tired, we all are tired, we all crash, we all fall in love with people who don\u2019t love us back, we all have white blank spaces that is missing black ink, but you don\u2019t see the rest of the world giving up, you don\u2019t see empty words swallowing their minds and thoughts, you don\u2019t see them drowning faster and faster, you don\u2019t see robots coming after them, because they are happy with what they are, not with what they have, we all want more and more and the wanting just never ends and we all get exhausted, honestly,

    I\u2019m tired, I\u2019m tired of writing all this just for you, because it doesn\u2019t make any sense, I\u2019m in love with you and I know you told me not to say those words to you, you told me to show my affection in a different way, you told me to tell you stories so you could pretend and act and live in fiction, but I\u2019m drained, I can\u2019t live the way you want me to live, I need to live the way that is best for me, I need to be able to breathe and jump and love and eat and write without feeling anxious, unloved and needy, because every time I see you, I need your approval, I need to be the image of perfection so you would love me, so you would continue loving me, so I wouldn\u2019t lose you to someone else who would be better than I am. empty words, they scared me and you told me that don\u2019t be afraid, they come and go, and then filled words came and I told you about their coming and you said told you so and then they went away and I told you about them leaving and you said I didn\u2019t tell you that they\u2019d stay with you forever and empty words came again. it\u2019s like I\u2019m a druggie, and I can\u2019t stop taking more shots of you, I just need more and more because it\u2019s impossible to imagine a life without you, although I did have a life before you came to my life and healed my lungs and then corrupted my heart and liver, poisoned them with your smell and presence and I told you I still love you and you were angry, because you just couldn\u2019t say those words back, you didn\u2019t even want to try and the only thing you needed to say to make me feel anxious, unloved and needy was please and the game was over and everything started over.

    (in this story I was the victim, but you wished to hear in a way that made me the villain and you the lover, so here we go, here\u2019s your story, here\u2019s our story,
    the empty words run,
    we drown,
    together,
    save
    me.)

    you compare yourself to other people, you wish to make yourself better and improved, because it\u2019s the thing that you have always wanted, to be loved, to be taken care of, to be safe, to be wanted and when this story ends, you will be one and no one will take it away from you, not even the person you love the most.<\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/15295.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14978.html","pubDate":"Wed, 17 Dec 2008 00:43:55 GMT","title":"sailing palm trees","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14978.html","description":"
    the palm trees sail in the Indian ocean, smiling and greeting sailors that were happy once. little children make cakes out of sand and scream for their mothers because someone is bullying them for some little reason that is still powerful enough to crash child\u2019s world. you ask me to watch at you while you paint the noise in your salty canvas but don\u2019t you realize, there isn\u2019t any noise? photographs in fire, our past burns, and I feel calm, consolable. your footsteps tan, the sun is happier than ever before and the rustling silence sleeps, there\u2019s no one disturbing the tranquillity of this island. when the palm trees come back, we\u2019ll have a celebration and we\u2019ll ask questions about the world where we\u2019ve never been to. last time the mosquito, who sailed to the end of the world, told us the wonderful story about children playing with these white flakes, snow children called it, and the story was so beautiful that it made you cry, do you remember? what if the palm trees will bring this snow with them, what will we do? perhaps we\u2019ll feed them mangoes and guavas, or do you think it\u2019s too much? the ocean is tired, there\u2019s plenty of time to wonder the world even if I go and sleep. good night, my love. remember, the rainbow will visit us tomorrow.<\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14978.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14787.html","pubDate":"Wed, 17 Dec 2008 00:43:13 GMT","title":"their story","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14787.html","description":"
    when the boat sailed away, the sea became sad. he came from Timbuktu, the sea told everyone but others assured her that he must have been lying as there is no route to Timbuktu by water. she did not listen to them, but said that pearls grow in trees in a place where he had been to, and mussels were outrageous, they had never heard such a lie in their life and left the sea. she cared, but continued sharing what she had learned from the boat. lizards serve a marvellous king of a land that is far away from here, no one is more trustworthy than the lizards, and fishes were angered by the accusation of being less loyal than the lizards and swam away. the sea\u2019s heart pumped water slower than ever before, and her lungs gasped because she began to understand that slowly everyone would leave her, and she would be alone. and so she told one story each night before the dawn, and no one stayed behind to listen the second story as they were too furious about the wonder of the world\u2019s that were shared by the sea. then one dawn a man came to her, asked why are you weeping, beautiful? and now for the first time in her life, she told her story. she told him about the boat who had visited her, and shared all the ravishing, amazing things that the he had witnessed in his short life. when she came to the end, the man began to weep tears, too. the following dawn, the man listened to the sea\u2019s second story. a third story. fourth one. and then one morning there were no stories left, but it was only the beginning of their<\/i> story.<\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14787.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14344.html","pubDate":"Tue, 16 Dec 2008 01:47:27 GMT","title":"when infinite becomes finite","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14344.html","description":"When you began to wonder if he is right for you, everything will begin to fall apart. The floor you trusted will begin to tremble in ways that the ordinary walk is not enough for you, but most importantly for your feelings. They will collide with the strangest things such as the reality and what if and nothing will scare you more than the thought of what if will become true and the fact you will never know until the what if happens. And then when he seems to be more and more correct for you, a wall is being built like the Berlin Wall, but as the Berlin Wall, it will be too late when it will collapse. You dare not to speak, utter a word, because there is too much happening and there are too many what ifs, because if one does not happen, other might just as easily happen. Only if you knew what happened, you would know what to do or actually what not to do. We unfortunately do not have a limited amount of options, on the contradictory we have a infinite number of possibilities and if we started to list them we could start with

    option a,
    You would kiss him and he would reject you.

    and continue with

    option b,
    You would tell him you liked him and he would say he has had similar feelings towards you

    but obviously there is an

    option c,
    You would ask him he is single and he would say he is married

    and let\u2019s not forget the

    option d,
    You would stare at him until he would come to you and asks you if you would like to go on a date with him.

    And these are only the four options with another unlimited amount of routes and the funny thing about the game is that it actually never ends until you stop playing it, but there are only a few number of people who cease gambling with their lives and begin to live as if there are no options and if something tragic or happy happened to these people they would just think this was meant to happen. You wonder if you could live like that, but you had came to a conclusion long time ago and it surprises you that you were so quick decide, because usually you are not able to make decisions under pressure, because you have to weigh all the options and possibilities that might happen.

    He smiles at you, and countless of chances run through your head. Maybe he was just being friendly. Or perhaps he wanted you to go to him and talk to him? But of course if he wanted you to go to talk to him, he would have come to you first instead of just smiling. Then you think maybe he did not even realize that he was smiling, it might have been a reaction to something else or he might have just smiled at someone else. You look around, and you realize that there is at least seventeen people, which should not surprise you as you are in a caf\u00e9 drinking mocha latte and reading Nicholas Sparks which absolutely disgusts you, because nothing in his novels would be part of your life. You crack, because suddenly the sky falls apart and things fall apart and the orange peels itself and you cannot stop crying and there you are, smudging the pavement which had nothing written on and you gain the attention from the world, what is wrong poor thing, are you fine and the questions just begin to flood, actually the questions are like waves and you are like the beach and the ocean is him, he is always coming closer to you, but when he reaches you he reaches you as a wave, as a question and nothing is being answered, because no one is acting an answer in this play. He comes to you, asks if you are okay and again you start to think the possibilities in your head, maybe he is just trying to be nice, maybe he really likes you, maybe, maybe and maybe, and you\u2019re tired, tired of thinking of the possibilities, tired of trying to figure out if he really likes you, tired of living like this as if there was a free will, tired and exhausted of building the Berlin Wall which would collapse at some point but not nearly enough, tired and exhausted of tearing yourself apart, tired and exhausted of loving something that could or could not love you back, worn out, beaten, crushed.

    \u2018Would you like to go on a date with me?\u2019 you ask, but only in your head and you are doubled-crushed.","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14344.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14256.html","pubDate":"Sat, 13 Dec 2008 23:27:57 GMT","title":"when reality sleeps with fiction","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14256.html","description":"


    have you ever been happy? yes and no.

    & the time when you told me you loved me, I thought I was in love with you. it was the time when I would have said I have never been happier. I was afraid, afraid of losing you to someone else but at the same time happy for you being with me here right now. we talked about the monsoon and the trees, because you loved them so much but you trusted me a secret and said that you had never loved anyone like you loved me. I smiled and felt ticklish. when you repeated your question, I said yes. when I asked the same thing, you pondered for awhile and said no. and soon after that everything fell apart, everything crashed and I heard your laughter from distance and the sea was crocked and my heart not only skipped a beat, it began to take its beats back as if I betrayed a sacred contract.

    I have felt this feeling all my life. so? so I don\u2019t know the difference between happiness and sadness and therefore I have never been happy as I have no idea what is to be sad.

    & I began to tell you, because if I could be I\u2019d be a face for sorrow. descriptions of being miserable and alone in the rain (but the rain could be your friend and therefore you would not need to be mellow), stories about being in love with someone who is not in love with you (but then you have witnessed love and you know how it feels like and although it is painful, you have never felt so much care in your life), letters to an electricity company pleading for extension for the bill (but they could say yes, you never know until you send the letters to them and wait for their answers), rejections from publishing companies (but your poetry only needs to matter to you and if it does not matter to you then it is a failure and the greatest rejection as it is from yourself), burned family photographs (but you never told them that you loved them either and, although you never said I assure you loved them and it is the same way with your parents, too, even if it seems like they treated you like hell and never told you were dearest thing to them, you must have been) and soon I ceased, because I realized that there was nothing that could change your mind, you always found an optimistic view to the most pessimistic scenarios and if possible I fell deeper and deeper and soon I lost both you and myself.

    we talked, but in the end the conversation did not go anywhere. it was like were at Moscow Central Railway Station and the trains were unwilling to move to Mongolia. you spoke in Russian, but because I was unable to understand it I mumbled back in English and so there was no interaction as we had forgotten how to speak body language. and soon after, I could not stop myself and asked you. how do you know if you are not happy right now if you do not how it is like to be happy? difficult questions usually offer easy answers, you told me and before you even began to answer I knew everything and ceased to wonder life\u2019s wonders. if someone was my best friend and I was one to introduce him to another friend of mine should not they be automatically friends as I am friends with both of them? logically they should get along with each other as I get along with both of them and the head began to spin too fast and I fell and you caught me and you kissed me and too much dizziness going on and life was pretending to be the star of the film. you are losing me, you said and I told you that I have already lost you, it was not a task that I needed to do again and you pinched me, kindly, gently and I woke up in South America you next to me. what is happening, everything is moving too fast and you said the camera is already rolling, keep acting and remembering my lines and so we finished our scene.

    you: how could you do that?
    me: what?
    y: you know what.
    m: I have absolutely no idea.
    y: you fucking cunt.
    m: are you talking to me?
    y: no, I am talking to myself.
    m: why?
    y: idiot.
    m: sorry, I\u2019m not following the script.
    y: you just do not understand anything, do you know?
    m: not this.
    y: messing up everyone\u2019s lives. falling in love and then falling out of love whilst keeping the other people in love. playing with hearts and thinking they are easily replaceable as the world is for you. you fucking whore, you fatherfucking \u2013
    m: maybe I should wake up again, because I really do not know what you are talking about.
    y: you never know.
    m: I guess I do not.
    y: that is your problem.
    m: I guess so.
    y: fucking \u2013
    m: can we get pass the fucking part already?
    y: see. that is what you are. a fucking twit who does not care about other people\u2019s emotions. sure, you love them at first, sure, you take care of them at the beginning but as soon as someone else appears in your life other people simply just vanish. and we follow you, we are on your mercy and you treat as like fucking dirt and you do not even notice as because you are too busy with your own life that is so precious and amazing and glorious and \u2013
    m: FOR FUCK\u2019S SAKE CAN\u2019T YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE(S?) JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME GO TO THE FUCKING REALITY WHICH SEEMS TO BE SO MUCH FUCKING SANER THAN THIS MOTHERFUCKING FICTION\u2026
    director: CUT! perfect, maybe too much use of the word fucking the last line, but otherwise this was a brilliant shot!
    y: I knew you could do it.
    m: I\u2019m tired of being lost.
    y: one is always lost when there are no boundaries in the world.

    Moscow. the trains ate the coal and were ready to leave. from South America with fiction or from Russia with reality?    <\/a><\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14256.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14046.html","pubDate":"Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:28:33 GMT","title":"We forget","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14046.html","description":"
    <\/center>

    We forget things. It is easy, simple, fast, and pleasant. When there is nothing holding back, there is nothing stopping the movement towards tomorrow. Starting over, you said. That is all what most people want most of their lives, because it is everything one needs. The most popular wish which makes everything go away. But you only forget for awhile, and then suddenly you remember again. It is even easier, simpler, faster and sorer than all the things that made you forget. Once life begins, it is possible to rewind the cassette, but it is impossible to record over it.


    photo from ffffound!<\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/14046.html?view=comments#comments","category":["100 words","life","photo"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13394.html","pubDate":"Sun, 28 Sep 2008 15:30:25 GMT","title":"trees leaving their roots","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13394.html","description":"
    PDF-file<\/a>, recommended to download & read

    --

    trees leaving their roots<\/b>

    there is no way you're coming back. you left a letter, it began

    my dearest<\/i>

    and that was the beginning & ending at the same time, you were never good with words, you told me the first time we met and I was already madly in love with the things you said. sad blue was your favorite color, because it reminded you of the sky with whom you were in love once. I asked you if I could be your sky, and your reply was you don\u2019t want to be my sky.

    you fixed moons, that was your occupation but you said that you couldn\u2019t fix anything else. every night you jumped to the moon, and brought cheese when you came back. once the moon was completely red, and you couldn\u2019t do anything to fix it. that\u2019s when you became a sailor, because you felt that things were getting too complicated. no one hired a replacement for your job. I hear the moon crying every night I go to sleep. when you became a sailor, I saw you less and less but always when you came back you brought something with you. everything is still here, you didn\u2019t take anything with you. it\u2019s like you wished to leave your time with me behind, you didn\u2019t want to bring it with you to tomorrow. a wet painting from Mali, a Egyptian passport from Israel, a kite from Afghanistan. I asked you how come you went there, because I thought it was a landlocked country. it wasn\u2019t, was your reply.

    one day a fisherman came to ask for a cup of milk, but he gave no further explanations. you were not here, because you were a sailor now and sailors rarely had roots to keep them in one place. I invited the fisherman to come in, and he gladly accepted my invitation. I asked him why he was a fisherman to start a conversation, and he told me that actually he wanted to become a sailor but he never got into the Sailor Academy that was overseas. but there must have been something close-by, I told him about you and how you were a sailor and he was puzzled. so was I. he finished his milk, and left.

    sail\u2022or
    n.
    1. One who serves in a navy or works on a ship.
    2. One who travels by water.
    3. A low-crowned straw hat with a flat top and flat brim.

    I had never seen anyone wearing you on their heads and neither did you have a flat top and flat brim.

    3. A low-crowned straw hat with a flat top and flat brim.<\/strike>

    when you came back, I told you the story about the fisherman and how he wondered that you were a sailor in this country. our conversation exploded, and you accused me of not trusting in you but it wasn\u2019t my fault that I didn\u2019t fully understand our words. I asked you about Afghanistan, but there was nothing to tell. were you a sailor, one who serves in a navy or works on a ship or were you a sailor, one who travels by water. you said neither.

    1. One who serves in a navy or works on a ship.
    2. One who travels by water.<\/strike>

    it didn\u2019t matter as long as we are free to live, the radio sang. but you knew it did matter, and told me that you worked for trees that were digging a route to China, because they wished to see the world. what\u2019s there to see when you already have roots? stars become trees in their wildest nightmares, because they are afraid of having roots that would keep them in solid ground. trees become shooting stars in their everyday dreams, because they know that there is so much more to see than their surroundings. I preferred to be a tree, because I already had you, but I didn\u2019t tell you that. you said that you and the trees had visited Mali, Israel and Afghanistan by accident, because there had been a some kind of miscalculations. why China? you wouldn\u2019t understand, and so I didn\u2019t.

    when I found out that you were not a sailor, but a digger hired by the trees, I never saw you. I heard you, I smelled you and the places where you had been to (more miscalculations were made). the trees were saddened, one came and visited me. he told that he was from our backyard and said that he was sorry for taking you from me, but I told them that you were his sky, not me. the tree promised that you would back soon, I asked him how will he and his fellow tree-friends survive when they will leave their roots for China? he wasn\u2019t sure, but he knew that he would become a shooting star soon enough. I offered him a cup of milk, but he denied kindly and stood still in our backyard.

    one day I ceased smelling the exotic scents that you brought with you. all the trees were gone when I looked outside. only their roots were left behind, and I cried because I realized

    that you were a tree and I was your roots.<\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13394.html?view=comments#comments","category":["mbabane","story","2008","love","gloomy"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13059.html","pubDate":"Sun, 28 Sep 2008 11:56:48 GMT","title":"the palm trees dropped coconuts","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13059.html","description":"
    <\/center>

    please please let me fall in love and let me breathe because this hurts too much and I'll explode if you don't let me love you and I'm sad because the ocean doesn't talk anymore. you remember when the ocean used to sing you remember when you woke up and the first things that you heard was the simple hello from the Indian ocean we had a house in Zanzibar and you built it and made it ours. and then suddenly I woke up in the middle of night and everything was different. the boats had escaped and the space next to me in the bed was cold and empty. the ocean witnessed your leaving and she ceased singing.

    <\/center>

    yesterday you brought wood and it was warm and I felt cozy and incredibly happy. didn't know what will happen tomorrow and neither did I care. the winds played with fire and the palm trees dropped coconuts. you carried me to our house and kissed me and my heart screamed and my lungs told me to connect with your lungs as they desperately needed to connect and then I realized my lungs were dependent on yours. and it was the most amazing that has happened I thought because finally after feeling so incomplete for such a long time I felt complete and secure and loved and happy. however when tomorrow came my lungs tried to find you and couldn't. they crashed.

    <\/center>

    the Indian ocean told Sun what happened and together they created the most stunning sunset that has ever been witnessed in the world. but she still couldn't sing. the boats rowed to China. you talked about China and you told me that it was the only place on the earth where your heart desired. your story made my heart cry and I promised that we'll go there together we'll go there I reminded you every single morning and you smiled and I kissed you when the first rays of Sun visited our backyard. today I woke up and told the empty air that we'll go to China together. and nothing happened.<\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13059.html?view=comments#comments","category":["helsinki","photo","zanzibar","2008","drunk","love","sea"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13040.html","pubDate":"Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:31:59 GMT","title":"electricity bill","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13040.html","description":"
    I remind myself of you so I wouldn\u2019t forget. every morning when a bottle comes from the ocean, I think it would be you but it is a bill from the electricity company reminding me that I have to pay the bills. when the morning wakes up, I go to the only phone booth in the town and send you a kiss but the man that I kiss always says that he\u2019s unable to reach you, I should try tomorrow again and so I do. he is friendly, and doesn\u2019t charge me or otherwise I wouldn\u2019t be able to pay our electricity bills. hot water ran out the day you left. I think it is travelling with you, it loved you very much. the day you were gone, I thought I\u2019d receive a note. you always spoke about the world beyond the trees and the ocean, didn\u2019t I wish to know what was behind the palm tree that stood in the ocean, you asked every time you opened your eyes. and when I said no for the hundred and fiftieth time, I never imagined it would be my last time for long time.<\/div><\/font>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/13040.html?view=comments#comments","category":["helsinki","2008","love","poem"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/12754.html","pubDate":"Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:19:56 GMT","title":"look at me","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/12754.html","description":"- look at me.

    - i am looking.

    - closer, you cannot see me well enough.

    - i can see you even if my eyes were closed.

    - no one is capable doing that, dear.

    - i am.

    - you say so.

    - indeed i do.

    - how well can you see your eyes closed?

    - the only thing that i can see when i do not see is you.

    - flattering.

    - why did you want me to look at you?

    - if i know someone is looking at me, i do not forget that i exist.<\/i><\/font>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/12754.html?view=comments#comments","category":["mbabane","dialog","2008","love"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/12424.html","pubDate":"Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:19:11 GMT","title":"maika & laika, I","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/12424.html","description":"
    - i'd like to be a car crash instead of being a traffic jam.

    - who wouldn't like to be something else? i'd love to be a healing herb instead of a lung cancer.

    - i stargaze when there aren't any starts in god's first painting.

    - some people tend to eat everything beautiful so people could find beauty in ugliness and paint the beauty back when the person realizes there isn't anything ugly..

    - it just isn't fair this thing called loving.

    - oh.

    - and still... i wish nothing more than receiving love. i wish i could travel in love with a person who would love me and who i'd love.

    - you are hoping too much, darling. and you know that yourself, too.

    - when i walk in streets of prague, i see couples. those beautiful people rapped in each other, lips touching cheeks and soft foreheads. they are in love and i who is less than ten meters away from them, is not invited to the space where god has painted golden stars so people could write their loved one's names into the universe of infinite.

    - laika...

    - i'd like to be in love. a car crash of human beings.

    - laika...

    - i feel lonely when i see people kissing each other. this bittersweet emotion takes control of my mind, unwritten soul of nothing. every time when i see the person that i love holding hands of a girl who is not me, i feel my world meeting the black hole and it welcomes me to the end, sucks me into its own creation and after it has ripped me off completely, it releases me and says we will see again, soon.

    and you know what, maika? i don't know his name. i've just seen him and i know... i know i want to be his car crash.

    - how can you write his name into the universe of infinite, when you do not know even the first letter of his name?

    - there is no universe of infinite for me. i will be wandering in the sky of blue birds and in the ocean of slovakian seagull for an infinite.

    - no, you will be seeking for your star until you have found it and then you will realize that god's painting has been always full of blooming stars, the painting thats beauty was eaten by people so you'd see beauty in ugliness, too. the painting that is open for everyone who is willing to see things differently.

    - i am sick, maika.

    - i am sorry

    \u2013 like i said i wish i could be something else.

    - maika...?

    - what?

    - i think i see the stars now.<\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/12424.html?view=comments#comments","category":["mbabane","dialog","2008","maika & laika","friends","love"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11919.html","pubDate":"Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:45:11 GMT","title":"the Sea & running horses","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11919.html","description":"
    when the fireworks collapsed, you were in a bathroom and wonders were passed. the running horses smoked blueberries, but you did not wish to see them in action. lovers, you called us. by choice we had chosen to be together, you reminded me, but I heard that one cannot make such a decision. when you came back, clean and tender, I wanted to give you a kiss but my slippery moves forced me to hit the world, once again. you went to the kitchen, and asked if I wished to have Ceylon tea with cardamom, but when I answered please, you made honey tea for yourself and came to the bedroom. the hotel room shrunk in my eyes, but perhaps I had imagined that like many other things. you poured tequila into your tea, and the smell leaked into the air. explosions outside had ceased, but the skyscrapers continued to stay still. we had never traveled before, and when we finally got the opportunity you chose the continent which we had barely heard of.
    do you love me?<\/div>
    I hindered. a glass of scotch, but there were no sign of the running horses. we dreamed once, about everything and it felt like we were everything possible. I wished to show you the horses, we never kept secrets, but things had gotten more complicated. it was getting lighter, but the traffic had never died.<\/div>\t
    do I need to?<\/div>we played a game that had no rules. you took a sip of your tea, and I felt the air smothering because of the smell of tequila. you complained about the hotel, that we should have taken the place that you read about but I obviously I never listened to you. momentarily I thought you were beautiful when you said those words, but then you came back to the game and the reality hit me.
    \t
    glorify me.<\/div>and I touched you, fragile skin of yours dashed. and there were the horses again, but they had realized that they were in a wrong place and ceased running.
    (if I need to love you, please tell me because I do not know.)<\/div>the sea spoke words that neither of us could understand. she became sad, and left us for strangers who would transform into friends after a while.
    a man came to us, and asked if I wished to buy a rose for you. it was red, and you loved everything red.\t
    \t\t
    sorry.<\/div>
    what?<\/div>\t\t
    I’m sorry. when miracles occur, the people who need them the most are the ones who do not believe in miracles. even if<\/div>
    I do not understand<\/div>
    and when people become saddened by the people who they love most, a soft landing is gone.<\/div>
    and he left with his words like the sea.

    you promised to get better, and so did I. but the horses never ran, and the sea never spoke.<\/div><\/a><\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11919.html?view=comments#comments","category":["mbabane","story","2008","love"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11555.html","pubDate":"Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:36:21 GMT","title":"there story of happiness","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11555.html","description":"obviously there is happiness around you,
    it\u2019s in the air, in the friends, in the environment,
    in the world, everywhere you go to. happiness sleeps
    in the Sahara desert when she is tired, she plays mouse
    and cat in the Atlantic ocean when the summer is on the
    mood to play.
    you lay on the green, greener grass and laughs surround you,
    they don't want to leave you because they wish to be with you,
    kisses fly and skies play piano, the music makes you feel sad and
    sadder although you try, we all try. they ask doing fine and our reply
    will always be yes, we cling on the things that are important to us even if that meant sacrificing something that

    keeps us complete, real. the greener grass strokes your tangled heart, the laughs get wilder and happier, kisses in the

    playground meet lips, but not ours,
    we\u2019re the ones who watch, we watch
    the happiness visiting Hong Kong
    and New York, telling them about
    her dream we all would be blowing
    soap bubbles and chasing kisses in\t
    primary schools and poking softly\t\t
    people\u2019s smiles to make the smiles\t\t\t
    even bigger.

    when she finishes, we continue watching. we all try.<\/font>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11555.html?view=comments#comments","category":["happiness","2008","cities","poem"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11341.html","pubDate":"Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:35:12 GMT","title":"three birds; you","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11341.html","description":"


    free, free! he yelled when a love confession was made. diamonds renounced their brothers and sisters,
    a cloud clustered with a man. birds were stuck in the blue sky, he told. three beautiful unnamed birds
    who flew circles, unknowingly. in his dream these birds spoke. it was then when he found out that
    they were brothers and sisters, the same family. in a violent place these birds had been brought up.
    if someone cries, they cry. if someone jokes, they joke. if someone draws, they draw. if someone dies,
    they don\u2019t. the dream ended before the man had the chance to do something, anything. whenever he
    paints the sky, the three unnamed birds fly circles, unknowingly, in the painting. he\u2019s a painter. the
    cloud listened, silently. the images of his work flowed in her mind, the art, that she has never seen,
    stole her thoughts. she wept. the painter\u2019s gift to the world was the three birds, beautiful unnamed
    birds. diamonds were sorry. it was the season when the leaves fall from the tree. but there were no trees.<\/font><\/div><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11341.html?view=comments#comments","category":["life","photo","2008","poem"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11065.html","pubDate":"Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:32:53 GMT","title":"3:31 am & 3:34 am","author":"quitsky","link":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11065.html","description":"
    <\/div>

    a sleep train left the platform with our sleeps. you tell me you\u2019ll take care of me, although I don\u2019t ask you to. you take my hand, and ask me if I trusted you. the traffic light is jammed, it only shows yellow, and we don\u2019t cross the street. we stand still, and I don\u2019t answer to your question. the train station is empty. it is 3:31 am, and I don\u2019t feel like you are here with me.

    it was February 5, and you confessed me a secret. you were in love with me. the winter had just cleaned the city, and I was cold. & you wished to make me warm, you continued. before that we made snowmen with sand, and played home. you were eleven on that day. I was seven.

    the world around us changed rapidly. it was November 11 when I asked don\u2019t you want me for the first time. the autumn was withering away, trembling as she didn\u2019t wish to leave. the same day your mother had caught us, lingering to our clothes. we had our first argument, and you smoked your frustration away. I kissed you to catch your breath, and told me I had the most beautiful collarbones. you touched them gently, pretending to use my bones as your paper. I muttered your words in silence, and whispered I\u2019m scared. you kissed my forehead, and I had never felt warmer.

    the day you gave your geography exam, I was anxious. I lost my cigarettes on the way, and when I finally reached you, knocked on your door you asked if it was me, and it was the first time ever. I don\u2019t want to be a stranger, but you told me you were overstressed & not yourself, you\u2019re sorry but I couldn\u2019t believe you. I\u2019m not a machine, I don\u2019t want be just like anyone and I screamed and cried and yelled, but you held me tight, tighter than ever before and I uttered, she\u2019s gone and when I had imagined you couldn\u2019t make me feel any better, you said sssh, it\u2019ll be fine. it\u2019ll be fine because I\u2019ll be with you. now & tomorrow & when you\u2019re eighty-eight.

    I guess when you told me that I never realized I\u2019d be older than eighty-eight. it\u2019s 3:34 am, an we stand still. I hold your hand tighter, and say yes. & the traffic light changes its colour to green, and we walk.<\/font><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/quitsky.livejournal.com\/11065.html?view=comments#comments","category":["story","photo","2008","love"]}]}}