Playing with the Queen of Hearts

Hi LJ-land. I have been alive and surprisingly really busy on my days off. I am not being a good LJ-er. It really sucks that they block it at work. That was how I kept up. :(

Lessee... Things with Aaron are going much better after seeing a psychologist and working on our parenting style. I interviewed for the designated charge position and didn't get it, but was told I interviewed well and that there is probably another opportunity coming up. I'm okay with not getting it. I feel like I did my best and that's all I could do.

I have not written anything in so long or even made cards lately. My inner creative beast is getting restless. Bitt told me about these books with prompts so I bought them and maybe I can get back into it.

I am super tired so this entry sucks. I worked last night and I'm taking a med-surg certification course that is every wednesday after I work. So it's waaaaay worth it, but I'm brain dead.

Wow my days off have been whirlwinds lately. Not much time for updating. But! I am here now. (strikes a pose)

I have been dieting and exercising almost everday for the past two weeks. I haven't lost any pounds yet, but I have lost one inch in my hips, waist, and bust! That's exciting to me. :) I'm just gonna keep with it. This time no gimmick diets. Just the real deal. I love this website my sister-in-law gave to me. It helps me count my calories and fats, carbs, and proteins. It makes it really easy for me because I have trouble keeping track. It is all there in black and white and I have to own it. It keeps me from eating to terribly. It's called myfitnesspal.com if anyone is interested. You also log your excercises and it tells you how many calories you've burned. :)

On the Aaron front, he is degenerating in school again. He is even getting worse at home. I'm kinda worried his symptoms sound like ADD. But at least if we know we can treat it. We saw one psychologist who said he thought that Aaron had Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Which does sound like him, though they say ADD also can go in hand with it. But that psychologist was kinda... wishy-washy and I could tell he was grasping for things. He only has a Masters and dude, I could get that and practice. I want someone really experienced in child psychology with a Phd. No offense meant toward the Masters degree, it's great. I just feel you should go the full monty if you are going to be a doctor of any kind.

Aaron has always been an on the go kid like someone wound him up and let him go. I've noticed he has trouble paying attention, even if you are talking directly to him. Now I would say these are regular 4 year old things, but at school he is definitely not listening when he should. I watched him and his mind seemed to wander all over but where it was supposed to be. He shouts out the answer to things even when he isn't called on. He gets up from the rug and goes to fiddle with something when he should be sitting. He has meltdowns when things don't go his way, no matter how small. He seems to have anger issues too. He gets mad a lot and will tell us he 'doesn't love you' or 'he doesn't like you' and to 'go away'.

When people get close to him, he pushes them away. He is super duper impulsive. He reacts before thinking much at all. He thinks something is, therefore it has to be. I know that can be a four year old thing too, but the other four year olds in his class don't act that way.

I don't know, I don't want to be an armchair psychologist. I'm just grasping at straws trying to find out what is going on here. We're taking him to a more experienced pscyhologist today. Maybe we'll get some answers.

God Bless the damned internet. You could search all day and suddenly you have a thousand ailments, lol.

Sunday and Monday was fun. We left Aaron with my grandma on my father's side, and went down to Kent, WA to stay overnight. We got to have dinner Sunday night and just hang out. The next day was my Charge Nurse seminar so Jim just slept in and hung out all day while I was there. They had internet so that took up a lot of his time, lol.

The Charge Nurse seminar was really awesome. You learned a lot of stuff there that you can apply just in your everday life as well. It kinda cemented some things for me and helped me learn why I need to be a stronger charge nurse to be a more effective leader, but not a Hitler. Plus the speaker was hilarious and just made the whole thing fun.

Mostly I've just been doing family things. Visiting my grandparents, hanging with my family, catching up on Bones and Castle while on my elliptical. I'm also trying the Power 90 to alternate with for muscle confusion. I've tried the straight elliptical and it just didn't do much but take of a few inches and give me strong legs and butt, lol.

Well, almost time for me to get my face on so we go. I'm just glad I got to squeeze and update in here.

I wanted to thank everyone for giving me adivce on Aaron. I really appreciate it. I would reply to each of them individually but it's an emotionally loaded topic and requires a lot of energy I don't have right now. I feel compelled to give as much as you've given in the replies. I'm going to keep all the comments though in case I want to reply to them later.

I'm going to start the P90 tomorrow so wish me luck! It's going to be a rough 90 days. But I'm hoping I'll look good at the end of it. And feel better. Just gotta have follow-through and no I don't feel like it so I'm going to skip it days.

Aaron does seem to be doing a little bit better. I think by the time he's done here he'll be adjusted enough to go to kindergarden and fit in well.

I have nothing more exciting to say. I do have some cards I need to take pictures of and show you guys. Once I stop being lazy I will. :)

We got some really crappy news today. Aaron's new teacher said that Aaron is being terrible at school. He's being aggressive toward the other kids, going up to them and then telling them to 'go away'! He even wrote over some little girls writing with his own pencil. He's acting like a bully and I'm really bummed, guys. We've tried so hard to make him a polite child. It's hard to prepare him to deal with a bunch of kids his age when he's an only child, but we tried the best we could. None of the kids at school will play with him because he's mean.

I seriously cried. I don't want my child to be a bully. I'm worried we messed up. Maybe we let him see cartoons wtih fighting too early. I mean, we limit to things like Pokemon and the Iron Man cartoon, but maybe that's still way over his head. I don't know if that contributed.

I guess he was running around school pretending to shoot everyone with a pretend gun too. I know boys want to crash things and play guns and swords. But is he overly aggressive that way? We try to tell him that real guns are not okay, that crashing his trucks together is being mean to them, etc. Jim has let him watch Star Wars and Lord of the Rings while I was at work and I've let him watch Star Wars when I was home. I don't know if that was a contributing factor.

I mean, we don't fight at home. We aren't loud. But Jim does have patience issues and anger issues, and sometimes I think he is too controlling and too hard on Aaron for his age. He expects too much sometimes for his developmental age.

I know he's new to school and kids react badly to new environments. But like this?

I just hope between the teacher and us we can get him going in the right direction. We are going to make sure he doesn't watch anything with any hint of violence in it. Which includes my grandma's house where he is allowed to play games like Zelda and Super Smash Brothers Brawl. I've already talked with my grandma (on my mom's side) and asked her not to let him play those.

Am I overreacting? I dunno guys. I just feel I'm failing at being a parent and I want so bad to help Aaron grow into a decent human being.

Any advice from parents would be so appreciated. We are at a loss and wonder if there is something we are missing here. I don't want my child to be a bully. That's terrible.

I cleaned like a fiend today while Jim went up in the snow with Jethro to play. I was still and am still feeling under the weather. I also grocery shopped and overdid it. I felt like real crap when I got back home. Stupid Type A personality anyway.

Aaron had his first day of school at the new place on Monday. He did okay. Jim ended up having to stay and said Aaron eventually got into the groove. I know it'll take a while since it's a new environment and new people. And kids don't do well with abrupt change. So I must keep reminding myself of that so I won't have anxiety over him being upset while he's there.

Wow I am boring. I can't think of anything else to say. Though it's early I'm tired and I'm thinking of whimping out and going to bed.

Oh, I do have to go to the dentist on thursday. I really really really hate the dentist office. Well not the office, but all the things they do to you while you are there. It's kinda sad, I guess, but I have to take a sedative before I get work done. It's just so invasive and I feel like I'm drowning when they spray the water in there. Gotta keep your tongue out of the way, your mouth hurts being stretched open for so long, and I have a horrible gag reflex.

So I am going to take some Lorazepam before and if that doesn't work or wears off, I told them to give me the laughing gas. It worked with the root canal I had to have a few weeks back, but they gave me 5mg then. I was out of it the whole time and barely remember anything. Then I went to my grandmas and she watched Aaron because I fell asleep on the couch for four hours.

I asked for less this time because it seems that the 5mg was too much if I was still sleeping forever after the procedure, lol. But then they only gave me 2mg and I'm worried that won't be enough. I was thinking more like 3mg or 4mg, though I know that is a LOT. Regularly, people only take 0.5mg to 1mg. You only see higher equivalents with detoxers. Which I am not. I am just a freak who is terribly afraid of the dentist.

I'm just worried in general when it comes to the dentist.

Traumatic!!

Aaron is in the bathtub and is babbling and playing made-up games and it's cute. But it's also loud and sometimes annoying, lol.

I rented Easy A, but I didn't watch it yet. I hear it's really funny though, so me and Jim are going to watch it tomorrow. It's so much more fun to watch a movie with someone. And eat popcorn and chips.

Now I'm hungry, heh. Okay, going to read some silly gossip magazines and then go to bed. Night LJ-land!

They probably all regard us as fascinating morons considering all the things people do. And I'd bring them a bundt cake for sure.

I Just want to be happy. I just want to be able to look back on this year and say I at least lived it as full as I possibly could. Because there is no second 2011. When it's gone so is another year of my life and I don't want to waste it. I feel like I spent too much time in 2010 worrying and being busy and just not living. But I'm going to now.

We went out to the party last night and stayed over. I got drunk too early and had to take a nap, lol. I didn't miss the countdown though. The neighbor across the street had those huge fireworks you see at shows. They were awesome to have right above our heads.

Hope everyone had a Happy New Years!! Maybe 2011 treat you well.

That's so weird to say. It seems like 2010 just flew on by like mad.

So, any good stories to tell about your new years?

What's everyone up for on New Years? We're going to a party at a friend of ours in Orchards. It proves to be fun and full of alcohol. We're planning on staying over in the guest bedroom. Aaron is going to stay with my Grandma and grandpa overnight. He loves it there so I know he'll have fun.

This laryngitis is really getting me! I'm getting more hoarse by the day. Other than that though, the sinus pressure seems to be gone. I'm still getting body aches though. Thank goodnes for Aleve and Motrin.

Since getting off Medifast I started loosing my hair again. At our work Christmas party we were all talking about losing hair. One of my close friends just found out she had breast cancer and the chemo is killing her hair. I told her we could be bald buddies. I wish I was brave enough to shave my head for her. Instead I bought her a book and a nifty bag to carry stuff in to have things to do at chemo since it takes so long.

I feel so bad for her. She's my age and has two girls. She is a super awesome person. Loving and caring. They are doing chemo, total mastectomy with breast reconstruction, and then radiation. So far it's only spread to her upper lymph nodes. I'm so glad she caught it before it got worse. And she is just an amazing person with a positive outlook on it all. I wish I could be more like her. I heard the word 'cancer' and was immediately so upset and looking at all the possible outcomes. But really all I can do is be there for her and cheer her on.

Back to the hair thing, my boss told me to try to eat more protein. Which makes sense as the Medifast stuff was so big on protein. So I'm drinking all these chocolate Muscle Milks, lol. They have 50% of your daily protein. I seriously cannot afford to lose anymore hair. It's really thinning. It's not obvious to others, but I can tell when I'm doing my hair just how thin it is getting. :( I'm not vain, but I love my hair. It is the one thing I do for myself regarding my body besides make-up.

I broke down and started a statin cholesterol med. Which was okay for a awhile and then suddenly I started swelling everywhere. Not really into having heart failure thanks. So I took myself off it. I'm not liking this new woman I have for my primary. She doesn't listen and instead of finding out what I want to do, she just tells me this is what I should do and here you go and out the door she goes.

Jim uses a prescription niacin and it works for him. It has lowered his bad cholesterol and upped his good. My primary said that wasn't true, that it only raised the good. So she wouldn't give that one to me. When I go back I'm going to request it agian. Not going on any statins if they are only going to make me swell up. Plus, it made my fibro pain about 5 times worse.

As soon as I went off it, the swelling went down and the aches and pains were less.

Okay, enough rambling. I've been up since 5:30 AM because of feeling sick, so I need to go take a nap or I won't be fit for the party tonight.

I am wiped out. I've had a cold-sinus thing for a few days now. I've lost my voice to it and all my energy. I'm especially faster to get irritated or overwhelmed by stimuli. I kinda just want to go to bed. But at the same time I want to read my friends list and do SOMETHING I haven't done in a while. Read a book, watch some Bones... I dunno...

Oh my gosh it's been forever since I posted. Them blocking LJ at work makes it really difficult for me to update because that's usually when I do it. On my days off I'm with family and surprisingly very busy.

I want to try to update at least three times a week if I can. Maybe four, since that's the amount of days I have off a week. Maybe right before I go to bed. :) That'd be a good time.

What's happened...

My brother got married today. That was cool and I had fun going. They just did it at the courthouse for now and then we went out to dinner. June 25th they'll have a more formal ceremony.

I got off Medifast and gained back all my weight plus four pounds. :( It was just too expensive to keep going on right now with paying for Aaron to go to school. I just can't seem to diet well on my own unless someone is directing me and telling me what to do. Which Medifast did. Buuuuut... Weight never stays off going on those diets and then going off. I'd have to eat that way forever. Umm, no.

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I'm sorry too, but I'm going to delete all my replies that have been sitting for a month or two and just start fresh. And try REALLY hard to keep up. I can't promise I will, because I get so distracted by things and seem to go through strange spurts where there is hardly any internet and then there is tons.

So even though I know that people sometimes just don't mesh, I can't help but wonder if I am either boring or just don't post enough. Which is insecure of me, but sometimes I am insecure. So really I know it's probably we just didn't mesh. But urh.

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I worked the night before so I had a two hour nap and off to my Aunt's and then Jim's mom's. I ate waaaaaay too much and probably will not eat for the rest of the night, lol. Way too stuffed still.

I have a few Christmas cards I made. Oh, I was thinking too that if you don't want to be bombarded with cards, just let me know and I'll create a filter.

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Sorry as well, I know I need to get caught up on my friends list as much as I can see since I've been a little lax about journaling at all. :/ I always feel bad when I get behind but sometimes life either takes over or I just get all weird.

Here I am! Back from one of my 'not too interested in the internet' phases. Trying to think the last stuff I posted on here. I have some cards to share and a few things. But mostly I'm not leading a very exciting life, lol. But I love it anyway.

I decided to go back to school. I'm going to get my Bachelors of Nursing. I need to go to the local college for a few gen eds and to get a transfer degree, but I'm kinda excited. A little nervous too because I haven't been to school in so long! I'm also doing a certification class for Med-surg that you have to take a test for at the end. It's pretty cool to get certified though, since it's my field. Plus, both of these give me a raise and a leg up in getting the full time charge position. Which I am really starting to want a whole lot.

Am working my way through the tangle of stuff you gotta do. Got a lot of the financial aid work done right away and applied to the college. Now I just need to get an appointment with an adviser to see which classes I need after all the snow is gone, lol.

We got four inches of snow. It's crazy! I didn't expect it to happen so soon. It's really beautiful out here though.

Jim graduates December 16th! I can't believe it's here. It seems like a long time and then a short time. Which is weird.

It's so cold we are letting the dog in the kitchen at night. But he goes in an out and we caught him lying on the couch. lol. It looks really cute though. Him all curled up on there.

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And now I must go make dinner with Jim and then we are watching a movie. :) Aaron is watching his own movie in our bedroom because he's sick. :( Poor baby. But I have him in his footie jammies and he's all cuddled up in our bed. So cute. He even has his stuffed dog with him.

We can't get on LJ at work anymore. I think it's because they affiliated with FB. Sucks because now I can't update until my days off which sometimes prove to be busy!

I worked an extra day on my days off and went to a card making party. It was really fun. :) The party, not work, lol!

I have some cards to post but I have to lay down soon so I'm going to go play with Aaron. Wish I had something interesting to say!

Just wanted to let you all know I'm alive.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ishte!!!!!!!!

And a pic of me passed out. Not too exciting, but proof I made it back to the hotel, lol! Also, it has come to my attention that most of my pictures I have a drink in my hand. Heh. Rehab here I come!

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Pictures! Our guest is entranced by Jim showing him stuff on our computer.

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Hopefully I'll have more later. I should see if I can get the one from Dana where I was passed out, lol.

Just curious if anyone has used Skype and if they like it? I thought it might be a neat way to talk to you guys who have it who I never get to see in person.

Pictures from Vegas coming soon. I have a visitor right now so I have to get back to visiting!

I can't believe Vegas is tomorrow! I have to go to bed early to get up for the flight but I can't seem to get to bed. I don't want to quit hanging out with Aaron. I'm so going to miss him for four days. And Jim isn't even home right now because he's at school. :( I'm going to miss him too.

But! I am going to have fun.

Also, Nano approaches and I have nooooooooo idea what I am going to write. Holy crap. I can't decide whether I want to do an original project or a fanfiction. If I can make up my mind, then I have to come up with a vague plot. It is amazingly hard right now.

I kinda want to take an on-line writing course through the college here. I think it might stimulate me and get me writing again. Plus I could always use learning how to write better. It's not too expensive either.

Hopefully Nano will come about and that'll stimulate me to write, lol.

Well I need to get Aaron out of the bath and into bed. I will write you all very long entry of what happens in Vegas. XD

Twice now, a spider has fallen out of my towel into the shower while I am drying off. The second one was SUPER FAT. As fat as my thumb fat. I was so grossed out. I am checking my towels very carefully now.

I think between my period and the stress of last week catching up with me, I just have been off my diet. I've been cheating right and left. I feel extremely guilty and I'm getting all bloated from it. Yet, here I am, eating sour gummy worms. I need to remember why I got on this diet in the first place and get back to nirvana. I just think... I feel so stressed and somehow I ate one thing and that was it. Now my body wants it all.

Ugh. Sometimes I hate my lack of will-power.

My tongue is killing me from these worms. Serves me right.

I had a terrible nap before coming to work. I just couldn't sleep. And when I finally started drifting off I dreamed I was slipping on mud and woke up kicking my feet. So I am tired and loading up on the coffee. Which I'm not supposed to have a lot of either, oi.

Yes, a lunch of gummy worms is a bad lunch. My salad cries in the fridge.

I'm sure I had something of substance to say, but I can't remember it.

See I'm starting to become neglectful. Gotta remedy that and post more!

Vegas is only six days away! I can't believe it. I haven't lost near enough the weight I wanted to but I don't look too bad. I found a lot of cute outfits that will help camaflouge that. I just got my hair re-done and some french tip nails put on (those will come off when I get back). I also got the cutest pair of high heels. They don't look like they're comfortable but they surprisingly have a cushy sole! I'm glad I tried them on instead of passing them up because of height.

Right now I can't really tell anything with regards to weight because it's that lovely time of the month and I'm majorly bloated city. :/ Joy.

Randomly again, the shoes have peeptoes so I bought pink nail polish to paint my toenails, lol. never do that. Not girly enough I suppose!

My child has been full of it today. He punched a kid at school in the chest because the kid was yelling and he didn't like it. Oi. Boys are so rough and tumble no matter how much you keep it on the Noggin' channel! He has also made me want to give him away a few times today. Though I'm a little short on patience today and tired. Go period and fibromyalgia!

I made a couple of cards many days ago. I haven't had time the last few weeks! It's been go to town and run all around my days off.

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And because I had to share, my shoes! XD

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I'm massively behind on my friends list, so I apologize. I've been spending my extra time with family and writing penpal letters. :)