
Who never says when? Probably women, if Peter Cheyney’s franchise detective Slim Callaghan’s bafflement over them is any indication here in his sixth outing in the Callaghan series. We think his feelings are adequately conveyed by this: Women, he thought, were extremely difficult propositions. When they were beautiful they were even more difficult. A natural process, he supposed. It’s played for laughs, because Callaghan can handle any situation with men but is often thrown for a loop when interacting with women.
After a tough case has concluded he decides to vacation and drink. And as will happen in fiction, trouble comes right to his hotel when he’s asked to recover a stolen corona, or crown, for its rightful owner, only to find that the person who asked him to acquire this valuable item is not who she claimed to be. All of it seems to revolve around an unhappy marriage and a battle over who will come away with what communal property, but when murder results Callaghan realizes there’s more than just martial animus behind it all.

Throughout, he opines about beautiful women, which is a case of him pondering his own addiction:
She asked, “Are all your clients as beautiful? It must be very interesting being a private detective.”
Callaghan said: “It is sometimes. We haven’t had an ugly client for years. Plain women seldom get into trouble.”
We don’t think that’s true, but we never have to find out in this book because all four women caught up in this scenario are attractive, even the one who’s “kind of ugly,” and Callaghan wants them all. This bit is Cheyney, we assume, having fun with a convention of the detective genre, being almost meta, in current parlance, by having his main character comment on the absurdity of his unlikely circumstances. Might there be there some external power throwing all these beauties in front of him? Yes—the author.
Callaghan has to unravel a mystery in which various characters are cleverly maneuvering to achieve their ends. He sorts out the moving pieces and, with the help of his partner Windemere Nikolls and secretary Effie Thompson, plays the various parties against each other through deceptions of his own, and sometimes outright lies. It’s very interesting how he alone decides who will be punished for their crimes, though everyone involved has broken some law or other. We suppose he’s a big picture guy. He just wants to catch the trophy fish.
Even though Cheyney wrote most of his books before the end of World War II and his style falls on the more orthodox side in terms of plot construction and levels of action, his writing is involving for modern readers, and often humorous. He was considered a genius within the crime fiction form and remains respected. Our edition of They Never Say When carries a copyright of 1957, but the book was originally published in 1944. As far as the brilliant and beautiful art goes, it isn’t credited but we don’t think there’s a doubt it’s by John Rose. Check here for a comparison.
























































