pixiebelle

I went to bed angry over some old stuff and woke up still angry at old stuff. But overall, I'm doing well. I'm trying to push past that junk.

I'm also trying to work through anxiety on the job. My 90 day review is next week, I have so much to do before my trip, and trying to submit anything to my very OCD boss is scary. I almost have a panic attack because I know if one line is not lined up properly or anything, he will throw it all back and make me feel like an idiot. Maybe I make myself feel like the idiot, but still. His OCD levels aren't the best with my anxiety.

Otherwise I'm grateful for my job and the fact that I'm not living paycheck to paycheck like I was before. I'm not rolling in the dough, but I'm not barely making ends meet and worried about being overdrawn like I was before.

Things I thought were interesting in my life right now:

My mom was talking about my upcoming trip to visit. See, I share a birthday with my niece (she was born on my 10th birthday) and my brother's is a week later (he will be 18...).

We are planning a family trip to St. Louis on Friday and Saturday before Kevin and I fly out early Sunday (seriously, we fly out at 6 am...)

My brother's birthday is Sunday and he originally didn't want to join us, so we decided to bribe him by offering him up activities and a dinner of his choice, within reason. He asked for sushi. My family is very poor and my mom basically can't afford sushi for everyone (she's be paying for 6-7 people). Plus, my brother and I are the only ones with an eclectic palate in the family, no one else is willing to try sushi.

So his response? "okay, I want to eat at the mall food court."

My mom was confused, "why?"

"Because they have cheap sushi and everyone else can get what they want."

Smart kid. So his birthday meal is at the mall food court. My family doesn't get out much, we are all easy to please.

My sister is planning all kinds of stuff because we really never take mini-vacations and they never go to St. Louis. So it'll be busy, busy. But fun just the same.

But here's something that really made me laugh.

My mom told me Samantha had a surprise idea for us. I assumed by how she started out that Samantha wanted her, her sister and me to get pedicures or something but then she said Williams's name instead of Megan and threw me off...

No, not pedicures... Samantha wants the three of us to get matching tattoos. She found a Beatles lyric that she wants us to get tattooed behind our ear. I love the Beatles and I'm a fan of tattoos...

But yeah.... I've sort of decided tattoos are something I'll admire from a distance. I change my mind too much. At one point in life, I wanted my whole back done and even had an artist picked out.

The design kept changing... I'd look at my back and realize I have a nice skin tone, maybe I like it as is... A blank slate. The tattoo I wanted got smaller and smaller until I decided a tiny shamrock on my rib cage might suffice (a shamrock is something I share with my deceased father, long story).

But lately? I just don't think it's for me. I love looking at tattoos, think they're amazing on other people...

Besides, I can't wear my hair to cover my ear all the time, I love wearing my hair up in fancy twists. I'd have to cover it for the field I work in and that's not something I'm willing to do.

So I'll have to politely decline though it's a sweet gesture to mark how close we all are and she even picked a lyric from a band she knows I love to death. But nope. Not something I can just do like that.

William isn't keen on it either. He's been arguing with my mom forever about getting a tattoo when he turns 18, and my mom is okay with it... But had words of warning for him such as how often he changes his mind. She overheard him repeating her words to Samantha though he'd never come out and tell mom she's right.

My mom still teases me about how she was right about me not getting my tongue pierced, something I swore I'd do as soon as I was 18. Yes, my tongue remains free of holes and always will unless I accidentally puncture it or something (it's me, it could happen :p)

I better get back to work. I'm so looking forward to the long weekend and a vacation a few weeks from now!

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