parishs

Title: Wally
Chapter
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid drove to Oakdale with a mision, and this is how Wally (Luke) saw it (Luke's POV)
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta


When he walked through the door on New Year’s Eve I was extremely happy but also shaking, now I knew that the bond I felt between us was not just in my head, he had felt it too but that was terrifying.

I had noticed of course that when we were together we started to touch each other more and more, standing closer every time we met. A hand, a shoulder, a knee when we were eating, he didn't look at me when we connected but I felt the adrenaline rush through my body when we did.

And it was nice and new and bearable because he didn't make a move on me. I tried to estimate his intentions when I asked him if our dinner was a date but he seemed bewildered then, he had no idea what I was talking about.

He was sad, wrapped up in his past with his uncle and his boyfriend. There was no time for romance and to be honest that was why I fell for him, why I took the chance to look at him and listen to his voice. He was so living in his head that he didn't notice that I stared at him.

Because that was what I catched myself doing, I was attached to him from the moment I saw him. The pull was wonderful and scary at the same time, because I had promised myself to be my own man, to live for the kids and the family I still wanted to see and nothing more, my soul needed rest and trust.

But then he came to our little town and made me want more, I realized that my heart was still beating but only for others, I was caring for the kids so I didn't have to think of my own life.

He changed that with his beautiful eyes, with the way he pronounced my name, with being just him. He didn't ask me things, he didn't want to control me or use my time, he was modest. In the talk we had with Bob about the position at Memorial he swallowed when he heard what his salary would be but he didn't ask for more, he only closed his eyes for a moment and sighed.

At that moment I wanted to take him in my arms and tell him that it didn't matter what he earned, if he needed more I could give him that. That his reputation had nothing to do with the amount of dollars he got. That the house he inherited was mortgage-free so if he decided to come and live here the monthly tip he would get would be enough. Money meant nothing.

But soon I realized that I projected my own frustrations on him, maybe money was important to him, and status. The expensive car he put on the driveway tonight should be an indication that he was about that: prestige.

It made me doubt if I had been right, if the guy I had dreamed about was what I needed because if he thought people would be impressed by things like that here he was wrong. Or at least he didn't impress me.

He just walked into my life again and when he looked at me I felt the butterflies whirl in my chest. No car or money would spoil this elusive feeling he evoked in me, this crave to be close, just in his circle. I tried not to get scared or think ahead about commitments, I enjoyed his presence and the enthusiasm he displayed to the kids.

He looked at their phones and praised them for the work they had done, he even promised to help them paint the large wall in the living room tomorrow. I would be there with him; my New Year would be so good.




When the kids started to watch a movie I tried to draw his attention because I had to hear it; that he had come back for me or if he had come back to me or whatever I needed to know.

We walked outside and in the light of the moon he just leaned in and kissed me. Forgotten were my worries and fears, the questions I had. I felt how he pulled me close against him and I answered, we were so in sync that nothing he did felt weird.

We kissed slowly, trying to get to know the other, adjusting to the new scent and taste.

I have no idea how long we were standing there but I realized I was ice cold when I felt eyes on us: the kids were looking at us. But I didn't feel ashamed or uncomfortable so I waved at them to come outside.

Reid walked inside to get our coats and in no time we were engaged in a huge snowball fight. We ran and hid, fell and laughed and when we were tired we all stumbled into the house and made hot chocolate with whip cream and ate the cookies Emma had made with the kids earlier.

Ethel sat down next to Reid and told him how cute we were and that she knew he liked me a while ago. Reid looked at me now and then and when he did I felt my body warm up.

And then things went crazy, someone noticed that it was almost midnight so we had to get the glasses and the apple cider and then we all came together in the living room. We met in a circle and we counted down until the New Year was born. We kissed and hugged each other and last but not least I stood in front of Reid. We looked at each other and smiled.

"Happy New Year", I whispered.

"May all your wishes come true", Reid said and kissed me.

"They already have", I said.

"You are so easy", he answered with a smirk.

"No I am anything but that", I said smiling, "but this just feels good and all the rest will fall in place. I have no expectations towards you Reid, whatever you do is fine. If you are moving here or staying there I don't care. I know that this thing between us is real and that we are going to have a great time. I can come to you in Dallas.

"I am going to live here", Reid interrupted me. "I already called Bob on my way here so I am going to be a resident of Oakhell".

I looked surprised at him "What?".

"That's what I used to call this place", he said.

"That’s so funny but you already made your choice, why?".

"Frankly because there is nothing keeping me in Dallas and when I sat down in my house I realized it wasn't me anymore, I only wanted to come back here and see you again.

I lay awake so many nights going back and forth thinking about what I should do but I decided on my way here that it didn't matter what you felt for me, I wanted to be close. I even thought that you would start to like me in time if you didn't already.

I doubted so much because I didn't hear anything from you. But that's all in the past now, we have a whole new year to find out what we are to each other Wally".

"Where are you sleeping?", I asked.

I saw the shock on his face when he realized that he didn't book a hotel. I knew that the Lakeview was already overbooked so he couldn't go there. Was it a good idea to invite him in my bed? I had always been strict about sleep-overs with the kids, no boy- or girlfriend could stay at night, was Reid an exception? Was I ready to give myself?

"Don't panic", I said. "We have a spare bed here so you can take that. I hope I don't disappoint you by not inviting you in my bed, that's house policy".

I was thinking way too fast because when I talked about him sleeping in my bed he looked bewildered all of a sudden. He was not thinking about that yet, nor was he ready. I was glad that he took the time to do what he wanted instead of letting his hormones dictate him and me. I had felt his erection against mine when we kissed at midnight but it was not the right time, it was just an indication of the way we felt around each other.

He aroused me, yes he did, and it had been a very long time ago that a guy "made my juices flow" as a guy from Wally’s once said. It felt new and familiar at the same time and it was a promise of a good year in which we grew closer slowly but steady.

He made that I realized that I didn't have a private life so in January I hired a few people who could take a shift or two from me during the week. I was always available for emergencies, exactly as Reid was for the hospital, but I also had my free time to spend with the man who made me insatiable.

In February we shared our first night together in the house that the kids and we had painted. It wasn't finished but the first thing Reid bought was a huge bed and curtains so we could be together. There was nothing awkward about the whole thing, we just undressed and lay down together and started to kiss and feel. He let me discover him at my own slow pace and I did everything I had been fantasizing about with him, to him, until we were out. His taste and body were new but I recognized it somehow, as if we had met.

Never before I could be myself with a man like I was with him, and I never felt more wanted and needed than by him. I realized how terribly lame it all sounded but it was true, he evoked a horniness in me I didn't know I had and a need to be with someone I had never felt. It could have been scary but it wasn't, it was good.

In March we got tested in the clinic although we both hadn't had sex in years but we wanted to be sure for the other. We were both negative so we had our first skin-on-skin sex that night and it was fantastic, not just because we could feel each other but also because it felt like we deliberately made a choice for each other.

In April the new apartments for he kids were ready so they moved out of Reid's house which gave us all the freedom and privacy we needed. We sanctified every room and every piece of furniture as if we were teenagers. We walked in his budding garden and saw nature awaken, just like our love did.

Reid started to help the kids with their homework almost daily so we were all proud when Ethel and two other kids got their high school diploma in May. They had grown so much in confidence and strength and they all went to college with a big smile on their faces. Ethel got a scholarship in Chicago and she decided to go and live in her own apartment with a little help from us. Reid and I tried not to cry when she waved goodbye.

In July we went to a Snyder lunch together where I saw my parents again. Emma had asked us and we just said yes. I couldn't remember why I was so pissed at my mom and dad. I wanted my family to get to know the man that had enriched my life on so many levels. It went well, we were taking thing slow but we stayed in contact.

During the summer Reid boosted his running scheme and trained for the Hot Chocolate 15K run in Chicago in October. He asked me to come train with him but I hated running so he joined the running club in Oakdale where he met two guys he had been in school with when he was young. They didn't remember Reid but they clicked and they practiced a few times a week.

In November he had to go to New York for a congres and for the first time I was alone again. I realized how fast Reid had become a part of every aspect of my life and how sad I was when he was gone; me, the man who said that I would never fall in love again.

And at New Year’s Eve we toasted and realized that we were together for a year already. Of course we had had our doubts and ups and downs but the ground feeling of belonging was there, always. He lightened my day when I saw him and he was happy to see me. I couldn't have wished for more.

Title: Wally
Chapter 5
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta



Did I make the wrong decision? Should I have invited him in my room? I wasn't ready to be the guy I sounded like, I talked as if I was flirting with him and maybe I was but somehow I blocked. Dammit, what was wrong with me? I already thought that Wally asked me out on a date and now I ....

I was a drunken mess, I couldn't form logical explanations or figure out what I thought anymore, I had to go to bed and sleep until the alcohol was gone.

It was nice though, to talk to a Samaritan, to see how lovingly he gave his life a turn into helping others. He had given millions to the hospital. I was curious about the wing hearing how much money was spend already. And he had some budget left....

Would it be something for me to move here? Could I look at him without wanting to hear more, look at him more? He was so different than Andrew, and so different than I had been. He wasn't working on his status and he looked like a slob in real life, something I would have disapproved off in my old life.

But his dedication was so addictive, if only I could step over my shadow and go to Wally’s and teach the kids something, help them with their homework, let them mow my garden....

What the..., was I thinking about mowing a garden here? Did I want to live in the house of my past? Maybe I had to stop thinking and meet Wally there tomorrow, we would make a plan for the house so he could let his pupils live in it.

I slept restless that night, parts of my past with Angus came back and it gave me nightmares. I woke up with a racing heart a few times, realizing that I was a grown up in a hotel room.

But I was shaved and showered at the house at 10. Wally was already there, looking at his phone. He greeted me and I let him in. He had brought his I-pad so we could make some sketches.

"So what are your plans?", he asked me while we walked inside the house.

I got shivers when I thought back at my scary dreams. "I don't know what I want to be honest", I said. "I dreamed about this house last night and they were not good, maybe that is a sign that I am not ready to live here".

He looked worried at me. "Hey Reid, you're in charge here you know, if you want to go back to Dallas that's okay, maybe I can buy this house from you. What if we strip it and make it open, then it won't be the house that freaks you out. What kind of color do you like on the walls?".

I had never had a color on a wall so I had no idea. Wally opened an app and showed me what the living room would look like painted in a soft brown, or a dark purple. With a large wall painted in that color the house got homey all of a sudden, and so different.

"That's a nice one", I said and nodded. "Maybe if we break down the walls between the kitchen and the living room its better, then we have one room left and that can change into a nice bathroom. So maybe we should start there and wait with the first floor until the kids are gone, they need some walls. If you can arrange someone who can do that then I would be very happy".

Wally smirked. "I was thinking about demolishing the place ourselves, the kids can use some stress relief so breaking down the walls will be fantastic. I’ll ask a constructor to help us. And then we are going to paint that large wall purple, and the rest white? Off white? Does it matter?".

I shook my head. "I have seen Wally’s and I love the way you can make a house a home so please use your skills to transform this horror house into something friendly. Do you want me to pay the kids for their work?".

Wally shook his head. "Maybe we can do it with closed wallets, if we do the work then we can live here for free, what do you say?".

He beamed, satisfied with the solution. I knew it was not a matter of money but to show the kids that they had to work for their living. He patted me on the shoulder and smiled.

"I am going to send you video's about our work on Skype or Instagram, do you have that?".

I shook my head. "No, the anti-social me doesn't do social networks Wally", I said.

He held my arm for a minute. "You are so not anti-social Reid", he said. "All I see is a man who doesn't take care of himself and who is kinda lost. Maybe if you come and live here you get a sense of community back, here it's about being part of a bigger whole. Now let's go to Bob and see what you think of the new neurological wing".




Bob turned out to be a nice old man who wanted to retire. Wally introduced us to each other and showed me the new ward with so much enthusiasm that I could only smile.

"You should be a salesman", I said.

"I have been, but it's not my thing", Wally said. "So, when you say yes to the job, what else do you need?".

"At this point it's still "if" and not "when", I weakly replied.

"O yes, don't feel any pressure to make a choice now Reid", Bob said. "A jump like this must be very carefully considered, we don't want you to feel obligated. We know your reputation but we will find someone else if you decide to stay in Dallas".

Suddenly I didn't remember why I wanted to go back. I had still two weeks holiday so I couldn't go to work and then those freaking Christmas days, what would I do now I didn't have a shift? Watch TV on my couch?

I felt Wally’s eyes on me but didn't dare look at him. If he hadn't been here the choice would have been easier, the feelings I slowly discovered deep inside of me were more than just friendship and that irritated the hell out of me. Was I looking for a hook-up or a replacement? His sparkling personality got to me but I fought it.

"I have booked a flight back home tomorrow", I lied. "I have some serious thinking to do and I'll let you know what I am going to do as soon as I know the answer".

Wally and Bob nodded. "Excellent Reid", Wally said. "I am going to go to the kids and we'll make a plan for your house. I'll keep you informed".

Did he see that I was confused by my feelings for him? Did he read my eyes? Did I scare him off? Why did he know so well what I needed?

"Yeah, let me know how things are progressing", I said and walked outside after I shook their hands.

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Being back in Dallas didn't solve anything of course, I was more miserable than I was before I left to Oakdale. I walked through the streets to the bookstore where I had bought books for my man and wanted to hold my hands before my ears, sick and tired already of the Christmas carols. Why was this a nice time of year? People seemed more stressed than usual dragging big bags with food with them.

The store owner saw me and came my way to pat me on the shoulder. "Hey Reid", he said. "What nice of you to come, I have been thinking about you. Can I help you with a book?

I inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of the paper. Why did I come here? I had no idea but suddenly something boiled up. "I want to know more about run-away kids, do you have something in that direction?

The owner had to think about that for a moment. "I think I have something but it's not in the store, I have brought it to the attic because it didn't sell, let me get it for you".

While I was waiting I realized that the purpose why I had come here was to think about old times but now it had changed, it was no longer a melancholic road but a new beginning.

I was far away from him but Wally was on the forefront of my mind, even stronger than when I was in Oakdale. Here in Dallas I let myself fantasize about him, about who he was and what he had done to me. I saw his green sparkles in brown when I closed my eyes.

And I came up with as many objections as I could think of why I shouldn't go back to Angus' house but it made no sense, I always ended with the vision of me on the porch of my house there, with me on the brand new OR in Memorial. Even the idea of Channing being my boss didn't scare me off.

I didn't know anymore why I refused helping Ethel, I had so much knowledge to share, but I wanted to know more about runaways before I allowed myself to jump in my new life, I didn't want to fuck things up like when I was at Wally’s last time.

It was nice to think of my life filled with so many possibilities but one thing made that I was still with both feet stable on the ground instead of floating and that was the fact that Wally hadn't contacted me since I was back. He had given my phone number to a few kids and they send me videos of the work that was done in my house but not a sign of Wally, not even a glimpse.

I Googled him and saw pages filled with pictures of a much younger Wally in business suites working for Grimaldi shipping. I could see how unhappy he was back then; being someone he didn't want to be. Articles about fraud, white washing and police investigations came up when I dug deeper. The company got sued multiple times but they never could get enough evidence to plead guilty in court. Rumors about bribery and blackmail were circling above the company but nothing was proven.

Now I understood his remark during our dinner in the Lakeview; I don't have to look over my shoulder if I am safe here. At the time I thought it was a bit dramatic but reading this I understood that he had been serious, that he must have been haunted by people who wanted to see him hang because he was the CEO, although not by choice. It was brave of him to sell the whole thing and give the money away.

In a way I was dealing with the same thing, I had a shitty past and wanted to sell the whole thing but I didn't do it, I couldn't decide what to do with my inheritance. What if I hadn't met Wally, would it have been easier then? I knew that whatever I was going to decide I didn't have to do it because of Wally. If I wanted to keep the house I needed to do it for me and I had to stick to the plan even when things between him and me didn't work out.

It was scary to think about him and me because I had no idea what he thought about me. Being in my old house with my old life I missed him, his energy and his compassion. I wanted to call him but I didn't know what he would think of it, maybe he just saw me as a client.

This thinking back and forth was exhausting but also nice. Maybe this was what being in love felt like, I didn't know. All I knew was that it was so different than how I met Andrew and what I felt for my man; maybe these hysterical greeting cards were right and was love worth a try, although I wouldn't have called it love.

That word was so heavy and big that I didn't think of Wally in that light yet, but he was stuck in my brain and he made that I felt enlightened and reborn. Slowly but surely I realized that I wanted to see him again and show him that he was special to me. This was the most reckless action I had ever done but he made me that way, Wally made that I wanted to try, than I wanted to speak it out, maybe making a fool of myself but it was worth it, he had to know that I wanted him to hover over me.

"Here you go", the bookshop owner said while he gave me a few books. "Are you going to specialize in psychology as well?".

I smiled. "No, just filling up the blanks, someone showed me that I have a lot to learn in this area so I thought I will accept the challenge", I said.

"That must be a very special person Reid", he said and winked. "I haven't seen you so focused in years".

"He is", I said.

"Must be difficult for you after what happened to Andrew", the man said.

I nodded. "The first thing I have to decide is where I am going to live, I have inherited a house in Illinois and that's where I met him", I confessed.

"Maybe a fresh start will do you good", the owner said. "I saw how bad you felt, it's hard when you lose someone you love. Andrew was a nice man".

"Thanks", I said. "Yes he was and he was the love of my life, we grew up together and were good to each other".

"But now you are ready for a new beginning", he said.

I shook my head. "Not at all", I said. "I have more doubts than I have ever had in my life. If I should keep the house, if I am going to listen to my feelings, if he likes me as much as I like him. It's easy when you are young but now there are so many unanswered questions".

"Well maybe reading the books will help", he said while he put then in a bag.

I paid and wished him a good new year.




The next days I was absorbed in the world of child-abuse, lack of responsibilities and coping mechanisms. I read everything I could find about the subject and while I gathered information my admiration for Wally grew. What a huge responsibility he took on his shoulders by creating a house for these kids. And that was after he had been a CEO of a very creepy organization. Somehow he was able to turn something bad into something good.

You are your past so I came back and now I am trying to make the best of it. And I have to say that I sometimes have days when I like it here

His words wandered around in my brain as a kind of mantra when I was sad; he made me see that the bad days where a part of life and that you had to enjoy the good ones. I was trying to do that when I sat on my couch looking at pictures of Andrew and me. We had been happy and more and more I could think of that as a good thing.

And finally I had read so much about the runaway subject that I felt I was ready to go back to the one-horse-town. It was amazing that the video's the kids send me were full of joy and fun, they were beating the walls down with hammers and helped the constructor by hauling stones out and cement into the house.




I should bring something for them when I was back, a cake or food, Chinese maybe that we could eat together at Wally’s while I figured out with Wally how I could be useful in his organization.

But it was frustrating that he didn't contact me, what did he think? Had I been just a blip on his very busy radar? Did I see things that weren't there? Maybe I just wanted to be in love again and did I project my feelings on him.

Or was it his drive to be independent that he was so silent? He had been very clear about his commitment, it was only to the children and a few family members that he felt responsible for and I could admire his way of coping with shit because my goodness, he had had his share of problems from what I had read on the internet. He had defined his inner circle and tried to be happy in it, making a new beginning for the kids. He knew what it was to grow up in a family that wasn't to be trusted and to lack a feeling of belonging.

And then I knew what to do, I would spend New Year's Eve in Oakdale with him if he let me. I filled a bag with some clothes and toiletries filled the tank of my Bentley with gas and put the city center of Oakdale on my navigation system, it was 1002 miles.

I had to know, I had to ask him if what I felt was mutual, it was too big for me to let it pass. I recognized his need to hover over someone special, someone that was also thinking about him and put him first. Maybe I had it all wrong, or maybe he wasn't ready to let someone new in his circle but I couldn't wait anymore.

With a nice playlist on my radio I drove through states and for the first time since my leave from the hospital I felt better, whatever the outcome of my trip would be. I was offered a very nice job at a small hospital but with the hyper modern neurological wing that I liked. The salary sucked but I didn't need more money, I would be able to live a good life with it and that was all I needed, I could permit myself to earn less. And I wouldn't have to pay the mortgage of my penthouse in Dallas anymore if I moved to Oakdale, I could sell the place and live a slow life on the countryside.

I liked that idea very much, a slow life with clean air and more people around me already than I knew in Dallas, people who needed me in a way I had never had. If I committed myself to Wally’s and the kids it was for good, I realized that. I tried not to think of the possibility to be there while Wally didn't want me but it popped up in my brain with every corner I took. Maybe I should ask him first what he thought about me, before I promised the kids my time, I wouldn't be able to sit there while Wllie was just a friend.

The closer I came to Oakdale the more I knew where my priorities lay and I was determined to get the answer to the only question that was important. I would see from there what I was going to do when he said yes or no.

It was dark when I parked my car on the driveway of Wally’s. I stepped out and stretched my sore muscles and stiff bones. I could hear the kids laugh and I walked to the window to look inside.

The scenery was homey and cozy and there was candle light and music and tables filled with food. Wally was dancing with Ethel, unaware that I was looking at him. It was so good to see him again, I felt the nerves trickle through my veins with every beat of my heart and for a minute I didn't know what I was doing here but then I just did what I came here for: I entered his life again.

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The look in his eyes when he saw me should have been enough but I had to hear it from his lips, I wanted to be sure. But I had to wait till he was ready, until he and I would be alone.

I greeted the kids and they offered me apple cider and cookies and I listened to their stories about the renovation of the house and looked at video's they had made on their phones.

I was so proud of them because they had worked so hard to make my house look modern again and I praised them for it. I wanted to tell them that I wanted to reward them but I decided not to, I would discuss that with Wally before I made a promise that he had to cancel because it was not of the kid’s best interest. Yeah I had learned a thing or two from the books I had read.

Ir was late already when he gestured with his eyes to meet him outside. My nerves came back in a flash and they made my muscles limp because I knew this was the moment of truth. Could I rely on my instinct and believe in a good ending? Did all the times he touched me tonight indicate something?

When we stood face to face in the snow I looked at him and grabbed his head in my hands and kissed him, just like that, no words were needed, I only wanted him to feel how much I was into him. I let my hands slide through his long hair and pulled him close to me.

And he let me, he was surprised by my action at first but then he let his guard down and kissed me back, wrapping his arms around my waist. It was tender, exploring, hoping and wanting at the same time. When we finally let go of each- others lips we smiled.

"So you came back", he said softly.

"It was the only logical thing to do", I whispered.

He just nodded.


Chapter 6

Title: Wally
Chapter 4
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta



His comment about our dinner being a date changed everything. I had never looked at guys that way since I was with Andrew, and when he died my sexual feelings were buried too. And now a young hotshot thought he had a date with me, or asked himself what we were to each other. It made the evening heavy.


What did I want it to be? Did he offer himself to me in a way? I was so bad at reading people, listening between lines and catching suggesting remarks. Was I ready to have a date with someone? And if I was, was Wally the one who would speed up my heartbeat?

I got a bit nauseous and doubted for a long time to call the whole...date.... off but the more I thought about it the more I started to like the idea of being with him. He was hip, nice and a good influence on me, so I took a long hot bath and shaved. I didn't bring my expensive eau de toilette with me to this one-horse-town and now I regretted that, I wanted to show him that I liked his invitation.

It was a present from Andrew on our 12.5 anniversary. I didn't spray it on too much, afraid that the bottle would get empty but for this special occasion I would have.

Or...why was this a special occasion all of a sudden? I was just going to eat something with a guy I met. I looked in the mirror and saw the dark circles around my eyes. I looked tired and depressed. Why did he ask me? I was a ghost.

I was startled when I heard a knock on the door, was I too late? I checked my phone and saw that it was a quarter to nine; I did make him wait for me while I was doing nothing.

I opened the door and almost didn't recognize him; it was the voice that made that I knew who the man on my doorstep was. He had showered and got dressed in an expensive suit, his baseball cap was gone and his hair was combed backwards. I heard myself inhale deeply; he wasn't playing fair because right now he could be a supermodel. He held a bag in his hand.

"Hey Reid, you forgot your skates, I thought I bring them upstairs. Nice room", he said.

I put the bag on the floor but didn't know what to say; I was flabbergasted by the transformation. "You look stunning", was all I could come up with.

Wally smiled shyly; "not over the top I hope, I have a party I have to go to after our dinner so I thought I would be dressed for the occasion already. You don't look so bad yourself Reid. Let's go downstairs so we can order something to eat, I am starving".

I could only do what he said and we walked down the stairs to the dining room where we sat down on our reserved table. I already knew what I wanted because I had been eating here for a few nights: spareribs with fries, it was so delicious that I felt the water in my mouth when I thought about it.

"What do you want?", I asked, giving Wally the menu, avoiding looking at him because quite frankly I couldn't take my eyes off of him when our eyes met.

Wally didn't seem to hear me; he looked down on his phone and cursed.

"What's wrong?", I asked, "do you have to go?

He shook his head. "No, but Noah is waiting tables tonight".

"So why is that affecting you?", I asked.

"Because he is my ex", Wally whispered.

I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact why on earth someone would dump Wally because when he was my boyfriend I would never let him go but okay, that was my opinion, based on just a physical attraction.

"So what happened to being a grown up about the breakup and just be friends?".

I saw him smile and relax. "Yes you are right Reid, we had a good time but now it's over, I want him to be happy again and I couldn't make that happen, although I tried hard, like, really hard. I often wondered if he was gay at all but since he has a boyfriend again I guess he is".

"What was the situation, I asked?

Wally looked in the distance for a while and then hooked his gaze on me.

"Interesting question", he said. "The situation was that I had a thing for him soon after he came to Oakdale but he dated my female friend for a while, so I didn't make a move, I accepted that I had a crush on him but that it would never work between us. But then one night he kissed me and after a while we hit it off so to speak. But after a few years someone opened my eyes and told me that I didn't look happy so I did some self-research and the only conclusion was that I was stuck with Noah. So I broke things up with him".

"But why are things still tense?", I asked.

"I have always felt a bit awkward around him but since we broke up he tries to look after me and that is...patronizing and freaky. And worst of all he is very jealous; whenever I am with a guy he makes inappropriate remarks. Or he kisses me. I don't know what's going on inside his brain, never have actually".

"But we are just having dinner, he has nothing to be jealous about as far as I am concerned", I said. "We'll see how thing will be when he shows up, how do you know he is working?".

"My sister texted me when I told her I was going to eat here, she works in the kitchen as a chef".

"How big is your family"?, I wondered.

"Huge, and they are everywhere", Wally smirked.

"And that doesn't suffocate you?", I asked.

"Yes it does, it did but I learned that you can't run away from your past, you are your past so I came back and now I am trying to make the best of it. And I have to say that I sometimes have days when I like it here".

"And the other days?", I asked because he didn't seem the depressed type.

"They suck", was the quick answer.

"But you have to have dreams, things you wanted to achieve in life, did you reach your goals?", I heard myself say. Where did that come from.

"Oh yes I had dreams and I am proud of what I have started here in Oakdale, the Wally city as we jokingly call it. I have had a shipping company but it wasn't my thing so I sold it, it was a heritage of my father.

I come from a very complex family Reid, I can talk for days and then you won't know the half of what has happened to me. So I am grateful that my life here is dull and predictable, I don't have to look over my shoulder if I am safe here".

I tried to figure out if he was messing with me or that he was telling the truth. He couldn't be older than 30 and such a ridiculous life? While I tried to read him I saw Noah coming our way, I was curious of what he was going to do.

As Wally predicted he grabbed my guests' shoulders and kissed him on the cheek. "Luke", he said, "how nice to see you again".

Luke? What was he saying? Wally looked at me, rolling with his eyes and sighing. "Thanks Noah, how is Richard?

The waiter froze. What was his problem? Did he think that things would work out between him and his ex?

When Noah didn't react, Wally introduced me to him. "Noah, this is Doctor Oliver from Dallas".

Noah hardly looked at me when he nodded. "Yes, the doctor and I have met; he is staying in the hotel".

I let all the possible reactions from my side pass in my head and thought about a provocation like grabbing Wally’s hand or make a romantic remark to get rid of the waiter but somehow it seemed inappropriate to come between them, so I just looked sheeply at Wally and hoped that he would come up with a good line.

"Can you ask Natalie if the order is going to take much longer; I’m going to a party in an hour and we didn't get our soup yet", he asked.

I smirked under my breath, loving the way he dismissed his ex. Noah looked pissed at me and walked away. I heard Wally exhale deeply.

"That's what I mean", he said, "it's weird right?".

"Do you still love him?", I asked.

Wally fumbled with his knife; "I wonder sometimes if I ever did but he was available you know and it's not a gay Mecca here. And about love, I don't really know what that is; love is so often intertwined with a need of control and expectations that I am a happy single now.

I only have to answer to the kids because I promised them something, and that feels good. I have been traveling and living the good life but when no one needs me I feel lost".

The recognition hit me hard, maybe that was what was missing in my life, someone who needed me, not the doctor I was but the person Reid. I missed Andrew so much that it hurt but I had to find a way to overgrow that, to make something of the time that I had felt. I could be grieving but I had to search for something, or someone to look forward to. Was Wally the one?

I liked his persona and his drive but I didn't know him, he was nice to anyone but he somehow kept his distance towards me. And I did the same towards him.

"So, what are your plans for the house?".

"I haven't decided yet, I want to get it modernized and maybe I can keep it as a house where I go to during the holidays, until I know where I want to live. I can't make a decision that big during this trip, it's too emotional to just sell my stuff in Dallas and move here".

Wally nodded. "Well maybe I can get it painted and stuff with the kids and if it takes a while for you to decide then maybe I can rent it, I need a bit more space for a few kids who can go and live on their own. It’s going to take a few weeks until they can go to their apartments, they are not finished yet and if you would allow me to use it for the time being than I would be very happy".

Eehh....

"That's okay Wally", I said without thinking because his pleading eyes melted my solid heart a bit. Why not?

"Are you sure?", he asked; "maybe you need a night's sleep to consider some pros and cons".

I shook my head. "No, I am going back to Dallas; I don't want to be here for the holidays, living in a hotel, that's pathetic. I am going home tomorrow and then I am going to think about this place. But maybe we can sit down for a while there and see what needs to be done, do you have time tomorrow?".

He beamed and grabbed my arm. "God Reid, this is perfect, I didn't know where to house these kids, I already asked my dad but I don't want to be a burden for him with my problems, Wally’s is mine and I am responsible for the whole routine.

My real estate man promised me that the houses would be finished before Christmas but he can't get it done. What time do you want to meet tomorrow, maybe I can bring a friend who is a renovator to look at the house. Do you want to change a lot?".

"I have no idea to be honest, to me the whole thing is old junk but maybe it's just dirty and needs some paint. Shall we say 10 o'clock?".

Wally nodded. "And go to the hospital Reid, I am going to ring Bob to give you a tour so you can see how wonderful the new wing is, if you want state of the art then you need to work here. There is some budget left to make some alterations to your specifications".

"How large was the budget?", I wondered.

"Very large", Wally said. "Shall I make the call and ask if Bob is available for lunch? I want to see the wing myself again, see how far it is".

"And you are involved...feel free to finish the sentence", I said.

"Because I am one of the donors of the wing", Wally said. "When Henry, a man here in Oakdale decided to spend his blood money to the hospital I couldn't refuse, I wanted to get rid of my inheritance as well and I gave it all away. I have been informed about all the stages of the plan because I was a member of the board".

It was hard to process what he said, I remembered the shabby thrift shop owner but it seemed impossible that that was a backer of a hospital wing. But he seemed sincere.

"It looks like you want to keep me here", I said without thinking, must have been the wine that made me babble.

Wally fumbled with his knife again. "I just want to help you out Reid", he said softly. "I am always caring and trying to find the best solutions but if you think I am hovering please say so".

I shook my head; "why do you keep thinking that you hover?", I asked.

"Because I’ve been accused so many times that there must be some kind of truth in it", he said.

"I just think it's amazing how much you care", I said. "You are giving your life for the kids in your city, people should be proud of what you have achieved being so selfless".

He looked up and smiled shyly. "That's a nice thing to say Reid", he said. "It's not a job you know, it's my life's purpose to try and get these kids on track".

"You don't have to tell me why but I think you're amazing. But tell me, why did Noah call you Luke?

He sighed. "That's the name my family uses, it's kinda my birth name but I wanted to change it because it didn't feel right anymore. My family is....like....really freaky, and I see them once in a while but I don't feel connected to them, the only people I see are my grandmothers and my siblings.

There was so much fucked up mess about my first and last name that I decided to go by my grandma's last name: Walsh. That way I came up with the name Wally and I named my place after it. I am content now, for the first time in my life, and I don't want any drama again, I just love my kids and take care of them as if they were my own".

"For someone who had so many shit you dried up wonderfully", I said, locking eyes with him. I saw him relax a bit, saw the candles reflect in his eyes and saw a hint of a spark. It made me warm inside but also emotional.

"I have to go to my room, I had a little too much to drink, I am going to be at the house at 10. Will you please ask Noah to put the bill on my room number? I liked our dinner very much".

I stood up clumsily and waited till Wally stood up too. Should we kiss? Did I want that? Luckily he decided for me, he grabbed my hand and shook it.

"Shall I bring you upstairs?", he asked.

I shook my head fast. "No thanks".


Chapter 5

Title: Wally
Chapter 3
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta



I sat down in the hot water and put my music on my I-phone. What was it today that so many guys got my attention? Wally had touched me and it had felt good, the bellboy Derek made it clear that he wanted to give me a massage for free if I allowed him and Noah offered to bring me coffee with a sandwich.

It was weird and uncomforting; I didn't want anything from them, I wanted peace but that was hard to find since my muscles were restless and my mind kept so busy that I got crazy.


What was going on inside of me that I couldn't relax anymore? Maybe this was a sign that Oakdale was not the place to be for me. Maybe I needed to go back to my apartment in Dallas where my old life was with my job and my stuff.

But thinking about it I knew it wouldn't get better there, it was something inside me that had started to move and it wouldn't be stopped, I had to accept that finally after all these years my emotions couldn't be stuffed away anymore, I had to find a way to cope with all the things that I was facing now, the loss of my uncle and my man.

Thinking about Andrew I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes and I didn't try to stop them this time, I let them roll over my cheeks into the tub for a long time, remembering our good times together, the first time we kissed, the way he wanted me to court him, the first time I saw him naked.....

I cried but it was also nice to dig up the pictures of him from my memory, the great time we had when we were together and to feel the love floating in my veins again. I had loved him but I didn't realize it enough when we were together, it was normal, we were in a routine.

But I recalled the time when we were driving in my Bentley and we had the sun on our faces, the wind in our hair. I had never seen him happier. It was a normal day but it was stuck in my brain somehow, and now it popped up. He had been healthy there or at least we thought so. Maybe the fucking cancer was already worming itself in his system, fighting and eating him from within. When he finally let me order an X-ray we knew that we had to enjoy the little time we had left.

I felt the panic of the moment we saw the X-ray again but I pushed it away, I closed my eyes and listened to the music of my phone. Now was not the time to let my grief pulverize me, I had to let it get to me in eatable pieces, little splinters so I could survive it.

I had never been thinking back since now, why was that? I wanted to relive the wonderful moments we had shared, it was not all bad, we were so happy, and of course we fought and had our differences but it was minor, my love for him was so strong that I didn't want to see him sad.

I let myself glide under water and listened to the distorted music. Maybe this was what I had felt after the diagnosis, that I was there but at the same time I was not, I registered my life but it was as if I wasn't really feeling something. Life just went on without me.

People say that grieving heals but I didn't feel it that way, I felt broken and lost and if my work wasn't important to me anymore, what then? If going back to Dallas wouldn't feel good, where would I find a home? And did I need one? Was it here in this little town, in the house I had inherited?

I had told Wally that I had had friends here when I went to high school, maybe I could try and find them. Maybe if I shared a history with someone I would feel better, stable or not.

I left the tub and dried myself with the soft towel of the hotel. Maybe this was what I had been missing my whole life, softness. I had been cruel to so many people, I didn't allow myself a life of luxury although I had the money. Maybe I needed to do what all these talk-shows I had been watching here said; you have to take good care of yourself, no one else is going to.

Wally did though, he was taking care of so many people. Why does he do that? He seemed young. He and Noah shared a history together from what I understood, was he into men? Would there be a gay person in this white bread community?

Maybe I could go to Wally’s tomorrow and learn from the owner how to take care of others, it was a skill I missed. Andrew had said it many times, that he loved me but that I had to think of his feelings too. I had never been able to crawl into other people's heads, my lack of social skills was already obvious in Kindergarten.

Andrew told me now and then what he expected of me, like buying a present for his birthday, even remembering the day was an issue. He asked me to buy him something on the date we had met. It was always a disaster for me when he demanded something because I had no idea what he wanted. I asked him to give me a list so I could buy an item off it but he refused that, laughing hard when I suggested that.

"If you listen to what I say on a day-to-day basis you will figure out what I like Reid", he said. He claimed my attention in a very lightly way. He had changed me because at some point I started to buy him books he would like even before it was Christmas. Yeah, we were a great match.

But with losing him I also lost my sparring partner. The last few years I had become moody again and everyone accepted that of me because I had LOST my partner, I wasn't to blame; they understood that I was sad and not listening. But it wasn't because I was grieving it was because the old me, had returned.

And I didn't want to be around that person anymore, I wanted to learn how to be nice and patient. I wanted to learn how to flirt back when guys winked at me. Maybe I needed to invite Derek into my room and let him give me the promised massage with the so called happy end I suppose, Derek's eyebrow curled up when he made the suggestion. I didn't think much of it when he said it but thinking back I think he flirted with me.

It would be weird to let another man touch me, I think I would compare every move with Andrew's and that was not a good idea, Andrew had been good to me, he knew exactly what I needed. What if a guy wanted things I was not into? I growled and shook my head, I had to stop this overthinking or I would never have sex again.

I didn't miss it, the years after his death, he took the physical element with him in his grave. I never looked at guys to see if I could do them and looking back that was weird because we had sex every day, at least once a day and we did it everywhere, even in filthy toilets at the hospital when we were horny.

But when he was diagnosed we became careful, afraid to worn out his fragile body, to break a bone. And after he had gone I had never thought about it again.

But here in this dump it came back, the need to be held, to let go, to stop thinking for a minute. Here the fresh air opened my heart and my eyes and made me aware of my body again, the neglected form in which I lived.

How would Andrew have done it if I’d been the one who passed away? Would he be as devastated as I was, would he be alone for three years or would he have a boyfriend sooner? I noticed that the idea of him with someone else didn't scare me anymore, like it had done when he was alive.

I was a jealous partner, I have to admit that, whenever a nice guy looked too long at him I felt my insides shrink and I would warp an arm around Andrew's shoulder to define our relationship. It always made him laugh when I was like that; he once said that it was special that I was so into him that I wanted him exclusively. I never needed anything else than him.

But now I had to shape my new life in a form that was mine and I had to figure out from scratch what that meant. I would start thinking tomorrow, after a good night's sleep.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

When I parked my car on the driveway of my new house I saw the garage, the territory I wasn't allowed when I was young because I was clumsy. Angus did own a lot of expensive tools and after the day I almost amputated my leg with a chainsaw he forbid me to even open the door. I was furious back then but now I could see that he wanted to protect me from myself.

I walked to the door and opened it with one of the keys from the keyring. The smell of oil came my way when I entered the neath space. On the walls were well-organized little boxes with nails and rings and on the shelves he kept his machines.

Suddenly a flashback made that I had to sit down: my dad did have the exact same garage, with the same collection of screws in chocolate boxes and wood in all kind of sizes. I grabbed a hammer and held it in my hand; with this piece of equipment he had made so many things. I saw his initials on the bottom of the orange painted handle: AO. My dad had done the same, with different initials of course but he also painted the handles orange.

What was I to do with all this? I couldn't keep it but I wondered if Wally would come and get it. Maybe I could bring it to him and ask if he could use it.

I Googled his organization for the address, cursing because the service here was so bad, but finally I knew where I had to go. I put as many machines in my car as possible and drove in the direction my navigation system lead me.

I looked around when I was driving and saw a rather nice village with a lot of farms and large woods. I grew up here for years but I never saw it, the landscape in all its glory, I only sat inside reading but man, what a waste. The snow made everything softer and the sun reflected on the frozen pond where people were ice-skating. I had never done that.

It could have made me sad but it didn't, I enjoyed it now while I drove to Wally’s. When I arrived there I saw a little community with houses and a shop. It was all very modern and clean, not something you expect from a thrift shop.

When I opened the shop-door a little bell tinkled to announce my presence. A young man came my way and greeted me. For a minute I didn't know what to say.

"Is Wally here?", I asked, "I have a lot of tools in my car and I wanted to ask him if he can use them.

The guy smiled; ¨ oh yes we can always use them in our workplace, I'll look for Wally and he can decide what he wants with it".

He walked into the back of the shop and I walked around to see what they were selling. It was weird to see the old couch of Angus standing there and my teenage bed. It was unbelievable what a huge variety of stuff they had displayed. Suddenly I saw some ice hockey skates and I looked if they were my size. They were. Maybe this was a sign, that I should buy them and try the nice pond I had seen.

"Hey", I heard behind me and recognized the deep voice of the owner.

"Hi", I said, "how much for the skates?".

"You have to ask Ethan, he is the one who decides what things cost", Wally smiled.

The young boy behind him beamed with pride. "Ten bucks", he said.

That seemed a reasonable price so I grabbed my wallet out of the pocket of my jeans but Wally stopped me. \

"You have to haggle", he whispered. I saw the twinkle in his eyes, green sparkles in nice brown.

"I'll give you 8", I said with a heavy heart, I wanted to somehow spoil the kid.

"9", the boy said resolute.

"Sold", I said and gave him a hand.

While he put the skates in a bag Wally patted my arm. "That's nice of you Reid", he said softly. "Ethan has to learn how to manage the store and everyone here haggles so he has to learn that, to be in control and show people that they can't play with him. Did you see how proud he was when you sealed the deal?".

I nodded. "I have never done this before, it felt so weird to pinch money from him but I understand that this is a learning environment for the kids, I wasn't prepared for that.

I was cleaning up the garage and found all these tools so I wanted to ask if you can use them, otherwise I'll throw them away. Can you look at it for a minute, it's in my car".

He followed me and I opened the back door to show him what I got. He whistled between his teeth and looked at me if I was serious. "That's a lot Reid, and it's expensive stuff, how much do you want for it?".

I smiled at him. "I don't want any money for it, I am glad when you can use it. It was weird to sit in the garage today and touch the machines; I wasn't allowed to do that when I lived here. And that was for the better. Have you ever been in the garage when Angus was alive?".

Wally nodded. "Yes, I have repaired his chair a few times, it was so old that it was falling apart but he didn't want to spend money on himself anymore, he knew that he was dying so it wasn't worth it he said. I offered to bring him a chair from our shop but he didn't want that, so every time the nasty thing broke down again he asked to hammer a few extra nails in it".

"So you brought him food and helped him with his household", I said.

"Yeah as much as we could, he paid us well Reid so he wasn't a charity case. And he was always interested in the volunteer who helped him, he knew their names even though he was blind at the end, he recognized them because of their scent or voice. No that we talk about him I remember that he has talked about a nephew a few times, that must have been you".

"Yes I was the only family member he had", I said softly. "Do you remember what he said about me?".

Wally tried to relive the conversation. "He was positive about you; I know that he was so proud of you because you had finished Harvard. I have read him a few articles you had written but we both didn't have a clue what the subject was, let alone what the conclusion meant. But he didn't care".

I didn't know what to say, I just wished I had come here when Angus was alive and I could have rewritten my past. I felt a hand on my arm and bit my lip to prevent the tears from falling.

"Hey Reid, it's okay to be sad, about what you have lost, it's natural to be a little confused when someone dies especially when your memory about the person is not good. Angus has doubted his whole life why he was so strict with you; he regretted it more than anything. He wanted to raise you in the spirit of your parents but he knew he had failed. He often warned me to love my kids to death if I ever came that far".

"Do you have kids?", I asked.

Wally laughed. "Yes I have a lot of kids", he said smiling. "I consider all the members of Wally’s as my kids, the runaways at least. I feel responsible for them and they know they can depend on me; I will never disappoint them deliberately. Do you want a tour on the property; we can get a cup of coffee in the kitchen if you want".

His hand burned a hole in my shirt. "Do you have a beer, I asked?

Wally shook his head. "No we don't, it's a drug-free environment, no weed or alcohol is accepted. Most kids have used themselves or have parents who are abusers so we have to set a zero-tolerance rule".

"You have a lot of rules", I said as I walked with the guy with the cap to the main building.

Wally smiled again and I saw it again, the green sparkles in his eyes, highlighted by the winter sun. He was so special, this humble guy, although he tried very hard to look shabby.

"Well, we try to explain to our guests that the rules we have are not really rules but normal ways to interact, that they need to adjust to some social standards if they want to make it in life. Most of our kids don't have a very high EQ but they learn fast".

We walked into a nice warm house and Wally showed me the kitchen where he introduced me to the pupils who were present. He grabbed us a cup of coffee and sat down on an empty chair, after he had offered me one.

"So guys, this is Doctor Oliver, he is living here for a few weeks and maybe he is going to move here. He is a brain surgeon".

Most of the kids nodded to me.

"I want to be a doctor too", a blond girl said.

Why, Reid asked?

"I want to help people getting better, why did you want to become one?".

That was a hard question. I couldn't answer her that I wanted to leave the house fast enough and do the most difficult study that Harvard had to offer to challenge myself, to use my brain to the fullest and become the best in something. Looking back it was very selfish, I had never thought about healing people.

"No idea", I said softly. "But it's a nice job if you hate people, you make such long hours that you don't have a life and the patients never get better, they all die eventually".

"So Ethel, what doctor Oliver is saying that it's the best job you can get but that you may have to sacrifice a little", Wally said to the girl. "I know you can do it and we are going to work hard to get you into a scholarship somewhere, maybe even in Oakdale if you want to".

The green sparkles send daggers at me. Then his eyes lit up. "Maybe if Doctor Oliver stays in Oakdale he can help you with your math; that would be great. We are going to grab every straw honey, well figure something out".

"Maybe the doctor can help me as well with my math", a very tall guy said.

My first reflex was to stand up, walk away and never come back. I didn't like people depending on me because I could never live up to their expectations, I always screwed up and I didn't want these kids to be more disappointed in life than they already were.

But I stayed and enjoyed my coffee. "I haven't decided where I am going to live guys, so don't get your hopes up, besides I am a lousy teacher, I don't have patience. But I hope you all succeed in life, Wally is supporting you as good as he can so ....".

So, what? I was a coward, I didn't want to promise anyone anything, I wanted to plan my life as I saw fit. No one’s happiness was going to lie on my shoulders, I couldn't do it.

"Come on Reid, let's go to your car and we'll bring the equipment to the shop. And you guys, go and make your homework, Maddie is coming soon so she'll check how hard you have worked. Don't disappoint her because you know how she is".

I emptied my mug and walked with Wally to my car; I assume you don't have kids", he smirked.

"Was it that obvious?", I asked, "I always feel so awkward around them but they seemed nice. I just don't want to give them hope when I don't know what I am going to do, that's all".

"That's all?", he asked and smiled at me. God I liked his eyes.

"No, of course not, I am a loner Wally; I can't have people depending on me because it makes me restless. I don't know how you do it; run an institution like this with people counting on you. Doesn't it keep you awake at night? What's in it for you?".

"Maybe we should have dinner, are you free tonight? I always leave at 8 pm so I have a sort of a life for myself. Maybe I can explain a bit of my life and why I made the choices I made. And I am curious to your choices".

"I am on an absence leave so I have all the time in the world", I said. "Maybe we can get a table at the Lakeview where I have a room".

Wally smirked. "The bridal suite", he said teasingly. "And what do we call this, a date?

"Absolutely not", I said and looked at him if he was serious. "Or do you consider it as such?

"I just wanted to be sure", he said, "because maybe my ex is going to be there and I don't want to throw salt in the wound. If you wanted to be with me romantically I would suggest another diner".

"We can go anywhere Wally so tell me what you want; I don't want it to be awkward between you and him".

Wally shook his head and looked a bit confused. "Nah, we are grown-ups and he is my ex, we have to learn to be around each other in our new setting. He already has a new boyfriend so I shouldn't make a fuss about it.

It's just weird sometimes; you know when you see the person you’ve lain in bed with in bed with someone else. He came out of the closet for me so I kinda owe him something".

That was a lot of information I couldn't digest right away.

"Tell me all about it tonight, say around half past 8?".

"Deal", he said.


Chapter 4

Title: Wally
Chapter 2
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta



"Hello Reid, how are you? Where did this question about marriage suddenly come from? To be honest I have no clue about Andrew's ideas about marriage. I know that he has had a girlfriend at school and he had to be a groom a few times when she was the bride, but they were 5 or 6 years old maybe. It's hard that we can't ask him, right? Sometimes it looks as if you didn't know the person you have been in love with but that's not true Reid, you knew him and you loved him like he loved you. If you guys didn't talk about it then it wasn't a deep wish of him I think. Come over if you are home again, we have to get a meal together and have a chat".


Home again, he said it but the apartment Andrew and I had shared didn't feel like home anymore and less so now I was here, more than a thousand miles away. The fact that I felt so lost was because so many aspects of my life right now had changed, my boss send me on a vacation so I didn't have the daily structure of my work and I didn't know where I belonged all of a sudden. It irritated the hell out of me but being here with nothing to do, made me think and look back.

I was glad that it was light again, when darkness had me in his grip everything seemed darker, more hurtful but after a good breakfast I started my lease-Daihatsu and went to my house.

It was cold but sunny. I nodded to the neighbors and opened the door where the smell from the past slapped me in the face. I opened a few windows and looked around in the living room. There was nothing here that I wanted to keep, everything was old and shabby.

I sat down behind a desk and opened a drawer; this was the place where Angus always did his administration. I was glad that he had been a structured man because every bill he ever got was put chronologically in a few binders. Everything could be burned.

It was weird but suddenly I kinda envied Angus, there was nothing he had to worry about anymore, Although my work was giving people time they wouldn't have had otherwise death wasn't a very concrete thing for me but here it suddenly hit me. Life was about tasks, worries, inconveniences, trouble, it was always heavy. I did my work in a good way but I always lost, every one of my patients died.

My life with Andrew had been good though, we made a promise when we started dating that we wouldn't fight because he had done that a lot with his ex and he didn't want that again. I was okay with that because I also thought that fighting was a waste of time, if people just listened to what I had to say life would be simple.

Andrew was the first who laughed about me, the only one who took the time to show me how it was done, how you could get people work for you instead of against you. He was charming and nice to people, things I learned from him. I had been such an asshole for so long.

I flipped through the bills and things that had been important to my uncle and realized that what had been meaningful to him wasn't for me. That same notion hit me when Andrew died and I had to decide what to do with his stuff. I had kept some things he was attached to and I gave his brothers and parents a few things but most of his stuff I kept in the basement, not sure what to do with it. I didn't need to keep stuff to remember him, he was in my head and heart and not a piece of clothing or Play-station could change that but it seemed rude to throw it away.

I had changed, what other people were thinking became important to me, why I had no idea. It wasn't a good thing either, to try and live up to expectations you didn't know or understand but it wiggled its way into my head, the doubt.

And now I was here in Illinois, needing to decide about stuff that I wanted to throw through the window. I startled when I heard someone knocking on my door. Who the fuck was bothering me? I didn't know anyone here in this village of the damned.

When I opened the door I saw a young man smiling at me, a Chicago Bulls cap front site backwards on his kinda longish dark blond hair.

"Hey I'm Wally, I heard that you have stuff you need to get rid of, can I take a look?".

I smiled. "Oh yes come in, I was going through some things and I have no idea what to do with it, maybe you can look around and see what you can use so I can burn the rest", I said and held the door open for him.

Wally walked in and turned around. "Well, I have been here a lot so I know what Angus had, just tell me what you want to get rid of and I'll put it in the truck".

I looked at him. "You knew my uncle?", I asked. This was weird because Angus seemed more of an autist that I was, I didn't expect him to know people in the city.

"O yes, I came here a few times a week at the end, we brought him food and sometimes when we had time we read him a newspaper, he was almost blind so he was more and more dependent. He hated it but he tolerated our care".

"The thrift shop brings food to people?", I asked.

"Ah well, you aren't from here right, our organization is quite big, we have a store but we also have a kitchen were people work who can't find a job. Other volunteers bring the food to people who can't cook for themselves. We also organize a kind of daycare for people who ......how shall I say this......are sick. We try to relieve the volunteer caregivers during daytime so they can do something else than care for their loved ones. And we have a house where the employees live. You have to come and visit our organization sometimes, it has a great vibe".

All the things the guy said reeled me. "And you are working there as a ...?" I asked.

"Yeah well, they call me the boss, but I am not a bossy type so they call me Wally, my organization is called Wally’s.

"And you are paying all these people?", I asked.

"No, we are all volunteers, most people who work and live at Wally’s are drop outs from society, kids who ran away from home mostly. We try to give them structure and love so that they can rebuild their confidence and fly out when they are ready".

"Oh wow; it's a miracle that someone your age is interested in doing something like this, most guys want to get a good education and make a lot of bucks", I said.

"Maybe, but I am not interested in that. Money is not always a good thing to have you know; it can make you lazy and focus on things that are not important. I can buy a nice car but I don't need the status".

"Can I get you a coffee?", I asked, craving to hear more interesting stuff coming from the guy's mouth. "Maybe you can explain why you are such an exception".

The guy casted his eyes and put his hands in his pockets; "That's kinda personal mister ......", he said.


"Reid", I said, "I'm sorry that I didn't introduce myself earlier. Of course you don't need to give up your privacy for me; I didn't know I hit a nerve. I just...you made me curious, that's all. I'm not nosy".

"Hey, no sweat, I am an easy guy but I had learned to define my boundaries. So what can I do for you? Do you want me to go through the stuff with you? Maybe we can figure out what you want to keep together".

We walked through the living room and I looked around. "You can take it all really, I only have bad memories about the place so I'd like to buy some new stuff. I'm not even sure if I am going to keep the house".

"Okay", Wally said and walked to the big chair where Angus used to sit in. "So let me get this straight, you want to donate everything here to me without having new things, is that wise? Maybe you can use it until you have a couch of your own".

I shivered thinking of sitting on that worn out couch. "No, I am sure, please take it. I have some serious thinking to do but I am not living here while I do that, I have the bridal suite at the Lakeview".

"That's....okay that's big enough for one", Wally said and smiled. "Can you help me move the things to the truck? Usually I do my job with a few volunteers but no one was available so I went here by myself".

We carried the things to the truck and the emptier the room got, the more I could breathe. It wasn't a small house now that the big things were removed, I could definitely see myself living here after I had found a good constructor.

But did I want to live here? It depended on so many things, if I could find a job here for instance, a challenging job. The new neurological wing sounded promising but....

"Hey, are you with me? We have to put the dresser in the car as well, then you see the room at its full potential. And then you can give me the coffee you promised me".

"Yeah sorry, I thought it would be easy to move here and get rid of the house but it seems to have other ideas, it whispers to me, to stay here and start a new life".

"Tell me all about it after we have moved that huge bitch", Wally said, nodding at the buffet.

He was strong, my visitor, his arm muscles showed that he had done a lot of hard work. We lugged the piece of furniture in the truck and went inside.

"Can I also make you a sandwich?", I asked, "I’m starving".

He looked at his phone for the time and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can make time, I have to eat anyway. So tell me what life you are trying to run away from".

Talking about respecting privacy.

"I haven't decided yet but coming here I realized that I have some skeletons in the closet here and that I have nothing to go back to really. It's weird but for the first time in my life I feel a little lost. Things that kept me going aren't that important anymore.

So ....I have no clue what I am going to do. The first thing was to empty the house and see if I could make it mine. And last night I spoke to someone in the Lakeview and he told me about a new wing at the hospital, so things seem to fall in place since I am here. Maybe it's good to stand still for a while and see if I can find some people I knew when I went to school here".

I gave Wally his sandwich and coffee and sat down across from him. "I don't believe in faith but since Noah told me about the hospital here I suddenly see a life for myself in this place, an opportunity. So I decided that I am going to explore all options".

"So you spoke to Noah", Wally said.

"You know him?", I asked.

"That counts as personal, so let's talk about something else. It would be great to have a new neurologist here, Bob is worried that no one will come this way to replace Channing and then he can't retire".

"But I am a neuro surgeon, I don't know if there's room for me here", I said.

"Even better, Bob has made a huge OR because he got the money but he couldn't find the right candidate, call him, here let me give you the number".

"But I haven't decided yet", I sputtered.

"Yeah that's true, sorry for stepping in, I am so used to make quick decisions that I start to hover. I hear that a lot. So take your time and do what feels good. Great sandwich by the way".

"I used to be just like you but now...", I said.

"What are you trying to run away from?", he asked again. Tenacious type.

I could make a snarky remark about privacy but somehow it felt good to talk to someone about my life.

"I am not running away I guess but I am at a point in my life where nothing is an automatism anymore. My partner died and I was sad but I kept on working and slowly I wondered why, why did I have to listen to all the heartbreaking stories of my patients? Why should I keep on living in a house that was ours but isn't mine? And then Angus died and my past came to haunt me. So it's fair to say that I am a wreck".

Wally shook his head. "No you're not but maybe you haven't been taking care of yourself enough lately. I can see that you need control and you have been able to put the grief aside but that's not how it works doc. Maybe this is the time to think and...I don't know.....grief and heal. Maybe you can live here for a while and see what life brings you".

I looked at the man with his cap and old clothes and saw for the first time how much compassion he had in his eyes. He seemed to care about me and my struggle.

"I'm not good at that", I said.

"Maybe you need to find your own way of coping doc, everyone has his own style and maybe you need to be busy and find your way and you don't need to lie on a shrink's sofa to do that.

You can come to Wally’s and I’ll give you something to do, maybe you can help the kids in the house finding a job, work on their cv, or play a little table tennis. Help with their homework, whatever you want to give is fine. But don't feel obligated, only do it if you are up to it".

"You want me to teach some drop-outs? It's obvious that you don't know me, I am a jerk when students are lazy, I don't have patience. You will throw me out in no time".

Wally smiled again. "I said that you can do what you want, but maybe this is a good challenge for you, these kids are not lazy, they all have a dream and we want to help them to achieve it. They didn't have a chance you know. But if you are keeping the prejudice then maybe it's not a good idea that you come and work for us".

Why did I say that? Suddenly my total jerkdom came back and spoiled the good conversation we had. Maybe it was because I had the feeling that Wally saw right through me, that his enthusiasm dragged me into a trap I couldn't escape from, that my life here on the countryside was a given yet, I had no idea why I kinda froze. Or maybe I did, I didn't want him to make a choice for me, I didn't want to be stuck in this one-horse town, I missed my life, my old life in which I had been so happy with my man.

Grief is like a devil in disguise, it suddenly hits you when you least expect it and when you can't use it. I swallowed back the tears that were forming in my throat, I didn't want Wally to see me like this, he listened to horrible stories all day from kids and now he had to deal with a sentimental fool. I tried to get rid of a stain on the only table that I wanted to keep: the old coffee table.

So absorbed in my own world I forgot about him, the man that listened to my story. When I felt his hand on mine I was sucked back to the here and now. It was a nice touch, a warm gesture and like a icicle in the sun I warmed up, melted, and that could feel unstable but somehow I seemed to find my own form back, the flowing form of ice, the form in which things floated instead of freeze, the form in which I could go on with my life somehow.

What a melodramatic symbolism boiled up from deep within me, I didn't know that I could be so spiritual. I finally looked up and was caught by eyes that were caring, forgiving, understanding. He knew what pain was, pain you couldn't deal with, that was so big that you had to hide it deep inside yourself until it would break through the thick walls you had built to keep going.

But he was not the man to tear the walls down, nor was this empty house the place. I wanted to go to the hotel and call the desk to arrange a massage for me, or maybe I needed a bath, anything but floating in green sparkled brown eyes that held a promise of wanting to be there, to help me. I didn't want to be helped because when I started to share there would be a flood with no end and I wasn't ready for that.

He saw it and pulled his hand back. "Come Reid", he said and pulled me up. "Don't stay alone here, you need to close the door and do something. You can come with me to Wally’s or you can do something else but don't stay here in this state you're in".

He pulled me up and I could only laugh. "Are you always this bossy, I asked?

Wally smiled. "I'm afraid I am, but only when I need to". He opened the zipper of his coat and showed me a t-shirt with "the boss" on it.

"The kids gave it to me for my birthday and I’m proud of it. They need someone to guide them and to make the rules, and if that has to be me, that's okay. I can do that. But they also know that they can come and talk to me whenever things get tough. And although you are not my pupil Reid I want you to know that you can call me. Or come by our house. You can drink coffee with us and see what we do. But take your time"


Chapter 3

Title: Wally
Chapter 1
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: Reid's uncle Angus dies and that brings him to Oakdale. The title will be explained later in the story but I guess you figure out who Wally is....
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta



While I wandered through the house I realized how forgiving I had become, how soft and easy. If I had known the person I was nowadays when I was young I would have judged myself harshly for my tears and indecisiveness. I would have called myself an old sentimental fool.

That's the benefit of getting older, maybe. I am content with who I am now, and I don't have any need to yell at people anymore. I can look back at my 36 year old life and despite the pain that came my way the last few years I can say I am happy. Happy with what I have and the memories I have made.

The house evoked sadness in me I didn't expect. It brought me back to a time when I was impatient and ambitious, when everyone standing in my way was pulverized by my urge to thrive. He didn't know how to tame me; how to comfort me; but looking back I can say I didn't give him a chance. Angus wasn't my dad and everything he said created a rage in me. I didn't recognize it as pain when I was young, I felt alone and mistreated.

And now he was dead. I got a call from a lawyer a few days ago to contact him about a legacy and I knew I was too late, that my intention to drive to his house and knock on the door and talk like two grown man.....

The need to talk to him got a bit stronger during the last few years, fueled by the wonderful bond I felt with my father-in-law. He showed me that although he seemed tough and strict on the outside he loved his children with every fiber in his body and worried about their wellbeing every single second of the day, even when they were adults and it softened my hate towards the man that raised me.

I oversaw now how difficult it must have been for him and his wife. They didn't want children themselves and were suddenly stuck with a sullen, moody orphan-nephew who didn't hesitate to tell them how stupid they were. Who refused to wear the scarf that his aunt had knitted for his birthday. Who couldn't leave the house fast enough when he was 17 and admitted to Harvard, thanks to the fund his parents had left him. Not even a thank you to the people who didn't have a dime but tried to take care of him the best they could....

I had lost so many people around me that I knew not to be sad about the fact that I didn't call Angus earlier, although I wanted to. Life just overflows you and you always think you have time enough to do what you have planned, but it plays tricks on you when you least expect it.

I walked upstairs to my old bedroom and felt the numbness in my head again, the pain in my heart when they brought me here after they got the news that my parents were killed in a car-accident. I didn't remember that the house was so small and my room so dark, my time here seemed lost in my photographic memory.

But they hadn't forgotten me, in my bedroom I saw pictures of me and my parents on the wall and a few things from my parents like the big wooden box that belonged to my dad and the pen they gave me for my 9th birthday. I had left my old life here in this neath space and ran away as fast as I could, needing freedom and knowledge, trying to flee from my past.

I sat on the old desk and played with the pen while I looked at the pictures with tears in my eyes. Now my whole past was gone, I buried it with his body. No one could tell me what a rat I had been.

I was surprised to hear that the house was mortgage-free and mine now, everything I saw belonged to me. A few years ago I wouldn't have taken the time to visit the house, I would have sold it without seeing it, leaving the furniture to a thrift shop but now I couldn't do that anymore, afraid to loose details of my past.

I had a past in which I had made so many mistakes without realizing that I made them. Andrew didn't mind that I was ambitious and arrogant, he was running fast-forward himself. We got our luxurious penthouse and our Bentleys but that was just looks, he was the first person who taught me what loyalty looked like, what the word care meant. It made me cynical in the beginning of our relationship, afraid to get too deeply involved, but he asked that of me.

Reid, I have friends and family who call me during shifts and at midnight for my help and you know that I never hesitate a second to do that but being friend’s means that you are there in times of need and if we’re going to be a couple I claim your time and attention, it's a deal breaker.

His words echoed in my head and I saw my tears spat on the dark wood of my old desk. Never again I would hear his voice or feel his tender fingers on me. He had awakened me, slowed me down and loved me like no-one had done or would do. And that made life so much harder than it would have been if I hadn't met him. Then my feelings would have been buried deep inside my cold heart and I would have been sad but not like this, not this lost and broken and fucking lonely.

Not even a call from my colleagues or boss got me out of my misery. Bob had sent me on a vacation because he said he wanted to protect me from myself, whatever that meant. Being here in freaking Illinois without my daily structure made that I had too much time on my hands.

What should I do with this house, this old barrack with its moldy walls and creaking floors?

I had no idea really, but I knew that I wouldn't stay the night here in this creepy environment so I got my cell out of my pocket and Googled a hotel. The Lakeview had 5 stars so it would be good. If only they had a nice bed...I was exhausted because of all the emotions. Maybe they had a gym where I could run for a while, trying to get my sadness out of my system. Or a swimming pool, anything to get rid of my melancholic mood.

The fact that the hotel only had the bridal suite available was funny. I had been with Andrew for a long time but we had never talked about marriage, although it was legal in the state we lived in.

The whole phony ceremony was not something that appealed to me. Did Andrew...did he have ideas about it? Us in expensive suits saying yes to each other? I would never know.


Maybe I could ask his dad when I saw him. Or maybe I could send him a message; he also had a smartphone so contacting each other was easier.

Hey Charles how are you doing? I have a question, did Andrew ever mention marriage to you? Like he wanted it?

I lived in the past a lot the last few months. I wondered if I had made him happy, if I could have done more to show him what I felt for him. I wasn't the warm fuzzy guy he needed maybe......

Focus, I had to search for the hotel in the navigation system of my rental car and I needed to exercise to clear my head. Afterwards I wanted to lie in the tub they promised me and fall asleep. Tomorrow I could think of a plan about the house, now I was way too sad.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

The gym of the Lakeview was huge and several hunks were showing off their muscles in tight shirts. I looked at them but didn't see them; I was running like I had to catch a flight or something, trying to get the cortisol out of my system. But it didn't work, memories of Andrew and I running together in the park near our house made that a lump started to block my windpipe. What was going on in my brain that I got so emotional lately? Andrew popped up in my dreams almost every night and the mornings I woke up after that the realization of him being dead made that my heart shrunk a little more each day.

It was weird that my grief overflew me just now. It was almost three years since he died and all that time I didn't shed a tear, I went to work and tried to avoid watery-eyed colleagues who wanted to comfort me because I didn't have the strength to listen to their stupidities. I didn't want them to muse about Andrew, telling me what a great guy he had been, what a sexy match we had been. And I didn't want their pity, sadness is something private, people needed to learn that it's not their business what I felt.

Most of them took it the wrong way and I heard people whisper about the change in me that I went back to being the asshole I had been before I met Andrew. I didn't care because what did they know? I couldn't help it that I didn't fit the picture of a grieving partner who was absent for months and couldn't keep his eyes dry. I worked a lot and sat in my office till late, so that I didn't have to be in our silent apartment for too long.

And now the salty eye-water couldn't be held back, it made that it was impossible to run any further. I stopped the treadmill and out of breath I grabbed my towel and keycard and went back to my room. I tried to relax in the tub but I was too restless to sit there so I dried and dressed myself and went to the restaurant of the hotel to do what always worked: eat.

But even the spare ribs didn't taste well. Was I going to be sick? If dinner wasn't fun anymore I couldn't think of anything else to release some tension. In my early days I would have watched some porn or even go to a gay club but thinking of being with another man or seeing two guys all sweaty wasn't joyful either. I was lost.

"Can I get you anything else to drink sir?", a guy asked me. The waiter pulled me out of my zone.

"A beer please", I said. "And do you have some time to help me out? I have stuff I need to get rid of, is there someone in this town who buys up furniture?

The waiter smirked. "Yes I know a guy who can help you out, do you have a phone? I am going to safe his number in your cell so you can call him tomorrow. He is quite busy but you can make an appointment".

I looked at his nametag. "Thanks Noah for helping me out, I don't live here so I don't know where to go. I have inherited a house so I have to decide what I want to keep".

"Are you going to live in the house?", the waiter asked.

It was a simple question but suddenly my whole life fell into place. What if I moved here? Maybe I could work here in a hospital somewhere, far away from the empathy-filled eyes of the people at home and away from the painful memories of our house and our lives.

Maybe that was the answer, to start over and work with people who didn't know my past. But......could I live in the house I had hated my whole life? Could I transform the pain from the past and turn it into a home?

"I haven't decided that yet", I said.

"Oakdale has its attractions", the waiter said.

"Is there a hospital within a hundred mile radius?", I asked

""You aren't sick I hope?".

"No, I am a doctor, and if I am going to stay here I need a job".

The waiter looked curious. "What kind of doctor are you if you don't mind my asking?", he said.

'I am a neuro surgeon", I said.

"Well, I guess you can call Dr. Hughes, he is retiring and one of the neuro surgeons in Memorial is going to take his place, so they might have a vacancy".

"But it is a small hospital here right?", I asked.

"Yes it is but Channing has opened a rather huge neurological wing last year, didn't you get the memo?", Noah asked.

I closed my eyes. "Richard Channing is going to be chief of staff here?", I shivered.

"Do you know him?", the waiter asked.

I nodded. "O yes I do, we went to Harvard together and I have to admit that if he is going to be the boss, I don't think I am applying for a job here. The guy is.....".

Noah waited patiently till I continued my sentence but I didn't know what to say. It was an idea from another life I had about the guy but he seemed to have been a successful doctor here. I didn't get "the memo" about a new neurological wing. Maybe I had to swallow my snarkiness and make an appointment with him. If he was still the empty-head I remembered I could just ask him if there was a job in Chicago. He knew the market here and I had to give him a chance. Give myself a chance maybe.

Was I ready to move here? Did I really want to leave all the good memories behind and relive my childhood? Because if I wanted or not, that was what would happen if I stayed in Angus' house.

"You okay doctor?", I heard the waiter ask. I felt his warm hand on my shoulder. I had zoned out again, like I did constantly lately.

My focus was gone; I wandered around in alter universes where I thought about the love of my life and my aunt and uncle and about deep universal subjects as love and hate. The world had been so simple and easy for me when I lived here; I had missed my parents and had hated everything that I had. I couldn't remember having friends at high school or maybe one, Derek.

The warm hand on my shoulder started to squeeze me harder; "sorry Noah, I’m okay and it's nothing to worry about I just have a lot on my mind. Thanks for the tip about the hospital; I’m going to call Channing tomorrow. Can you bring me a coffee-to-go instead of the beer, I’m going to my room I’m tired".

"Of course", the waiter said. "And if you need help I can call Luke, make an appointment with him for you".

"Luke?", I asked.

"The guy from the thrift shop", he said.

"Maybe that's a good idea, ask him when he has time, I hope he can do it this week. I have some serious thinking to do about what I want to keep and what not. I hope he will take everything".

"He can take care of everything for you doctor, maybe he asks a few dollars to remove stuff he can't use but he is cheap".


Chapter 2

Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 15
Written by: Parishs
Rating: nc17
Summary: Luke is a retired gigolo who can't forget his last client(Luke's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!


Previous chapter




While I drove him to his house I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He had closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face. He was satisfied, his muscles a little limp. He was so good at jumping in all the way. He knew what he wanted and he grabbed it.

I could learn so much from him about dedication and passion and commitment and trust and honesty.

When I noticed that he had left the bed I froze. My mind made up ideas about him wanting to leave me because I didn't have sex with him last night. I knew his needs but .....

Since I was with him I had started doubting. All the rules I had about sex and my life seemed to be bullshit all of a sudden. Me not needing sex ever again...when he showed me how sure he was about us an hour ago it was such a turn on. It came from deep in me, my need. It wasn't me needing to do a trick; it was me getting all horny because of what he said. What he thought.

It had been so long since that happened. It brought me back to a time I tried to push away in the deepest parts of my memory. Me getting horny because I wanted someone. Being powerless, just hoping that that someone picked up what you craved.

It had never worked out. The two guys who I fantasized about when I was an adolescent had used me in the literal sense of the word. They had taken advantage of me and I let them. I didn't want to remember it but I saw now how they had sharpened my life. How I had let them.

It had never been about me, not with my family nor in my sex life. I let people push me around till I was far, far over the edge. When I realized that living that way made me depressed I moved to Chicago and started my business. No one would walk over me again, ever.

Being in charge became my goal and I was sure that I was happy. I didn't feel anything when my bio-dad came back and pushed my dad off his throne. When my dad married a woman he obviously didn't love, just to make a statement. I just took care of myself and my siblings when they needed me.

There was only one person I let in: my grandmother. Because I knew that her lifegoal was for me to be happy. She was the only one who didn't think anything about me. She just wanted me to be good.

Like Reid. He wanted the real me. With doubts and shit. But he didn't know how much doubts I had, if he could see the mess inside my head he would run away as fast as he could. He didn't know that with me getting all horny flashes of my past came back to haunt me.

It had nothing to do with him but it made that I couldn't trust his words. But I had to. If I ever wanted something steady I had to trust him. That the words he said were true. That the feelings he evoked in me were recognized. That my need was okay, he would take care of it with an enthusiasm no one ever showed me.

Reid had said that he also had doubts, about his ability to satisfy me after the life I had lead. I got it, but he didn't have to doubt, he didn't have to compete with all the guys who had payed me. They never sucked my dick because I didn't let them. I got hard because it was my job and I fucked them because they wanted a top. My rules.

But it had been a trick. I didn't need to feel anything; I just came because of the friction. I didn't remember names or faces; it was a long pile of bodies I had seen.

Reid......he was so different that he immediately got my attention on that last night of last year. Yes he also wanted sex but he was so authentic with no room for adjustment. He was Reid and even if you jumped high or low he didn't change.

His nervous honesty made that I didn't have to be bossy or something else, I just needed to be there for him. His vulnerability-on-his-sleeve attitude somehow defrosted me.

When I saw him for the first time I could only smile. I had pictured him as a strong build man with broad shoulders but he was almost fragile. His hair a color I hadn't seen before and could hardly define. His firm attitude and his determination weren't an act, he knew what he wanted.

That had been a turn on from the get go, combined with the nerve to approach me as a nice icing on the cake. His lust-filled eyes showed me what he wanted but he let me decide.

"Hey Ed, are you okay?", I heard the voice I loved so much asked. His care for me dripping from it.

I nodded: "yes I am perfect", I said and looked at him, my boyfriend, the steady factor in my life and the first man on whose tongue I had tasted myself, who wanted to give me myself back. Was it weird what I was thinking? Did I care?

When we were inside his apartment I looked out of the window like I had done months ago. I felt how my body reacted to the memory, how I got hard again. I felt him come closer and recognized his deep breathing. He recalled it too, our first time. I smelled his hormones as I did then but this time it aroused me, and I accepted it, I didn't fight it anymore. His lips on my neck caused a moan from me. His words in my ear made my cock throb.

I turned around and unbuttoned his shirt as I did then. My fingers followed every high and low of his chest and abdomen while our kiss deepened. The clumsy way we got rid of our clothes was foreplay that only got us more determined. Standing naked against each other we took a deep breath and looked at each other.

"I want you", I said. "I want you like I have never wanted someone else. I want you now and for as long as I shall live. I want you to love me and ask of me what you need. I shall try and do the same. Have patience with me but with you I will get there. Know that I will respect your needs. Know that no one has ever touched me like you do, physically and mentally. I want to be your Ed. I love you Reid".

Maybe this was not the right moment but my mouth spoke the words for me, it said aloud what I thought. My need to commit and show him that it was mutual between us had to come out.

"I want you so fucking much right now", he growled and pushed me in the direction of his bed. It didn't scare me anymore that he said that, it was arousing that he pushed me on his duvet and looked at me for a second. I spread my legs a little and reached my arms out to welcome him. He could have me any way he wanted. Fuck the past, Reid was my present.




We slept for a while, a light dozing after sex in which you hear everything but can't move. Maybe this was what people called the afterglow. I never thought it existed but it did, my muscles didn't listen to my brain.

I wanted to give Reid the space he said he needed when we were at my place but instead we made love. That was something else, making love, I thought it was a straight term but I discovered how it was a universal thing, a feeling of total commitment from your partner. It had nothing to do with fast or slow, or the position you were in, it was that look in your lover's eyes and the touch of his hands that made that it was different from sex.

This was something I could do and what I would crave if he wasn't around. It was a look, a touch. It was small but meant the world.

"Hey", I said when I could form words again.

Reid wasn't that far yet, he just looked at me through half opened eyes.

"You needed some time alone", I said and caressed his face. "I am going to shower and then I am going. Thank you for these wonderful days".

"You get it, right?", he asked softly.

"I totally do Reid", I said and kissed him.

When I walked through his house to find my clothes he called me. I walked back to the bed and looked at my man.

"Casey is getting his diploma on Thursday; will you be my date?", he asked.

I nodded slowly. "I would love to but maybe we have to inform some people first", I said. "Are you ready to face the world as a couple? Are there things we need to think about before we hold hands?

He nodded. "Yes maybe, Casey asked me if it was a conflict of interest if we had an affair, as you being the money man and I am the owner of the foundation. I had never thought about that but maybe we can ask your lawyer".

I didn't want to hold back anymore, I wanted the world to see how happy Reid made me but I didn't want to ruin things for Reid. "I'll ask her", I said and walked to the shower.

Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 15
Written by: Parishs
Rating: nc17
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!


Previous chapter



This must be what heaven looked like; a huge pond in which birds landed and swam, sun on its surface glistering. A soft breeze on my naked skin made that it wasn't too hot. A mug coffee from the most expensive coffeemaker I had ever seen. A still sleeping man in a bed. This was all I had ever hoped for.

I sat down in the rocking chair and thought about my life. Until a week ago I didn't think that I would ever see Ed again. It made that I functioned but nothing more than that. How could I thank my lover enough for giving in?

I allowed myself now to think about him. When he held the door closed I forced myself not to remember New Year’s Eve because it made me sad, but I didn't succeed, every day my thoughts went back to that life-changing moment when I saw him for the first time. It was true that I was excited to be with a gigolo but that was just the physical part. He was the best I had ever had though, his hands on me and the fire in his eyes made the start of this year unforgettable.

But that wasn't why he kept popping up in my mind and I had been so wrong thinking otherwise. I thought that I could only be with him if we had sex; I was so sure about it that I kept my distance when he told me that he couldn't give me that. I had been such a fool. Not that I could live without it but I made it too important and degraded the mental click we had. Which was immense.

Maybe it was because I didn't recognize it; I had never felt the urge to know people, to bond with them. Casey was an exception and he taught me the importance of it. I had a mental click with my best friend, my only friend but to be honest it excisted because at start Casey kept pushing, he wanted me to answer to his messages and he kept calling me until I answered. He also told me how annoying it was that I didn't respond and he told me that it was important that I showed interest. That I also called him to ask how things had gone. To care really.

It was a subject I had to exercise a lot because it didn't come naturally to me, but I think I showed a learning curve over the years. But with Ed I entered a whole new universe with rules I had no idea of, so I started from zero and did what I thought was important.

And the sex was, o my freaking....I needed it so much that I thought that I could make it a breaking point. And it was a big deal, I had to admit that, but pushing the obvious away because I needed to come...

Last night was one of the most important ones in my life so far with Ed talking about himself, and when we got to bed we just lay close to each other, warming ourselves on the other. I didn't force things because it wasn't the right moment and I could do it, my hand didn't feel the urge to slip down on his body, being with him was more important than having him inside me.

I had told him over and over that I needed him strong, that he being in charge was an aphrodisiac but again I had been wrong, Ed being a timid man talking about the disastrous family he grew up in was heartbreaking.

It was hard for him to share that, I had seen that and it made that I transformed into someone I didn't know, but someone he needed: a man who wanted to protect, with a softness I never had. Gone was the overwhelming need to fuck, it made that I sat next to him for a long time just holding his hand and caressing his fingers.




I went inside the house as silent as I could and searched for my phone. I had a message from Casey:

"o man, you are having it baaaaad. You are so in love with Luke, it was fantastic to look at you two!!! Red and Ed, god Reid what has happened to you? Guess you are quite raw by now huh? Well, hope you lovebirds are still together and are having a nice Saturday. I know you have a shift on Sunday, I am there too, maybe you can show Luke around in the hospital, let him see where all his millions are going to ha ha. Don't forget my reception on Thursday you sucker, I am going to get my diploma! I will be a nurse wooow! I have to thank you for that my friend, you made that possible. And then I am going to study to be a specialist, did you ask Luke for the money already? Have you talked to him about it? It will be fantastic to work with you in a few years!!! Thinking about it, bring Luke with you to the reception, as your date. I was just thinking last night; it's not going to be a problem, right, you and Luke together? You being the doctor who gets the cash and him being your lover and philatrope of your foundation? Maybe I am seeing problems that are not there but it crossed my mind. Well just enjoy my coach and cu!".


Was it my claustrophobia that suddenly blurred my vision? The idea of Casey working for me and Luke paying the bills, it took my breath away for a moment. And although it had been my own plan to let Casey work for me it was too close somehow. Feeling a pressure on my chest I walked through the house looking for my things.

When I was dressed I saw Luke standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He didn't say anything.I walked to him and pulled him against me. "Hey", I said in his ear.

I felt his resistance, his doubt. He didn't give in. "You are leaving?", he just asked.

I nodded. "Yes", I whispered. "But it's not that I don't love you, I just need time to be alone". How could I make him understand something I didn't get myself?

"Would you have left a note?", he asked. "Or would you have woken me up?".

"To be honest I don't think I would have thought about that but next time I will do that if you need that", I said. I would do both now I knew how bewildered he got, how sad his eyes got.

I leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. "You have to tell me what you need Ed", I whispered. "I have never been in a relationship so you have to teach me from scratch. Please don't look so sad, it's not what you did or said I just need some time to think. This thing between us is a little overwhelming".

I felt his muscles relax a little. "So there will be a next time?", he asked.

Why was he so insecure? It was probably my own fault; maybe I wasn't clear enough about my ideas. I grabbed his face between my hands and kissed him hard.

"Luke, listen. I love you, I have never said that before to anyone, and I think that will never change. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love your mind and god, yes your body. You make my heartrate speed up. I feel this spark inside me when I see you. You are my boyfriend and I am going to call you or text you but for now I need to be alone. It's not about you, it's me, I am a loner Luke and I need some time for myself now and then. Please accept that".

Luke nodded. "Okay", he said. "I just thought....it's not because I have been talking about myself for so long last night?".

I shook my head. "Ed, I have asked you about your family so many times, I am interested in your past. It was so intimate to just sit there and listen to you. I am not going to repeat it all day but you have to believe that I love you and I am going nowhere. I just need space. I want you till death do us part. Okay?".

I swept a tear away from his cheek. "I hate it Reid", he said softly. "To be so fucking insecure. I don't want to keep you from whatever you want to do but this is also new for me. I question everything I do, if it's enough for you".

I caressed his hair and noticed that it wasn't as blond as it had been. Slowly he changes back into the man he was. "You don't need to satisfy me", I said softly. "We are in a relationship Luke and you need to figure out what you need it to be instead of wanting to be who you think I need. I want you, the whole package, insecurities and all. Is this what you want too?".

"Yes", he just stated. "It's exactly what I need so that what makes me so emotional, I am afraid of losing this. But I need to listen to you and realize that you are my boyfriend. We can live our lives but there will be this steady knowledge, this certainty that is us. In us having the intention to be together when we want to, and when we can. Because we are good for each other".

"That sounds like a plan", I said. "For me it's a certainty since New Year’s Eve, since I laid eyes on you. Since you seduced me with that gorgeous body, with those eyes that are telling me so much. Even when we are together it's still not enough, you make me greedy".

I felt his cock grow against mine and I heard his breathing deepen. I kissed him slowly while my hand went down on his back, till I held his cheek in my hand. I pulled his hips closer to mine and felt the heat of his dick through my jeans.

It was still a miracle that I could turn him on. I deepened our kiss and let my other hand travel on his chest and then lower, slowly igniting the lust in him, hearing him moan in my mouth. When I caressed the side of his shaft he started to shiver. I sank down on my knees and looked at his beautiful cock showing his need for me. I leaned forward and licked it for the first time. His unfamiliar scent filled my memory banks. I held his hips while my mouth discovered him slowly.


Next chapter

Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 14
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Luke is a retired gigolo who can't forget his last client(Luke's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!



Previous chapter



The three words he had said nonchalantly resonated in my head. They had been said to me so many times by so many men but this was the first time I knew they were heart-felt. He meant it. He loved me.

I tried to analyze my mood because his words and feelings didn't scare me and that was a first. I always thought that if someone would say them again I would freak out but Reid.....

Reid didn't do what was expected or what was appropriate, he only said what was on his mind and this was huge. This was the thing that I had been hoping for since New Year’s Eve, deep down. I didn't even realize that I wanted to hear this but I had. And now, being here with him, sitting on my porch was the right moment to hear them, I was ready to accept them to be true. He loved me.

I wanted to say them back in a kind of echo but I couldn't, not because I didn't love him but because I would say them when I was ready. I had to do some serious soul-searching before my words meant something. If I said them to him I had to be sober and steady.

He had to be sure of me and right now he didn't know what he was saying. I was a mess and I didn't want to pin him down. If he got to know the real me he had to have an escape.

He said he liked me bossy and in charge but since I knew him I didn't feel very bossy. Since I was not a gigolo anymore I was more and more doubting. At first I still had my CEO mask to hide behind but that didn't make me happy anymore. It never had actually, since I knew Reid I was constantly wondering what I was and why I did the things I did. Nothing I did made me really happy. Maybe that was why I did the things I did, because I thought that I wasn't worth it.

Slowly but steady the ground under my feet had disappeared. I walked around in my office looking at the people who were working for me as if I saw them for the first time. What were they doing? Why was everyone in a hurry? What was so important that we were only mailing each other instead of having a real conversation? Why did i have status being the boss? Why was I the boss anyway? Did I have the right qualifications to make decisions? Did it matter if I was around?

It was freaking scary to let go of expectations people had, of the ones I had about myself. More and more I withdrew myself from the office I felt no connection with. I got emails and phone calls from Malta but I didn't open them, didn't accept the calls, I let my secretary say that I was on a business trip. It was a miracle that the whole thing just continued without me. I had started this week to write a recommendation letter to my bio-dad about my ideas for a suitable candidate to take things over.

No longer...............

No longer did I need to prove myself, or did I want to do things on automatic pilot. Do things because my so called dad forced me into them. No longer was I going to fight against my family in whose eyes I could do no good. No longer was I going to fight my feelings for Reid.

The feeling of being born again came up like it had a while ago but slowly it didn't feel like a struggle anymore. I had been fighting for so long that I couldn't do it anymore; I just let my tension go and relaxed for the first time in years.

Reid's hand in mine, our silent togetherness, the feeling that I was what he needed, it didn't scare me. The fact that I had invited him in my home was a sign for me that he was the one. Now I had to let him in in my life as well, I had to tell him about my family, how we did function, or better, not function. How manipulation was the order of the day.

My grandmother had called him. Obviously she thought that he was good for me too otherwise she wouldn't have interfered. Thinking about her I got warm inside. She was the only one in the world who knew me, who didn't take crappy answers from me and who had my best interest at heart. She pushed the issue because she knew that Reid was right for me, like she was. They had so many similarities. She didn't judge and was there for me when I needed her.

I needed him, the man whose hand I held. I was finally ready to admit that and it was scary but necessary if we would be together. Our meeting with Casey had been fun and when they talked I felt a warm friendship between them based on mutual respect.

I wanted that too, a friendship between Reid and me, a togetherness in which I could talk about things I had bottled up for so long. He seemed ready to hear it, he asked me questions about my life and my family over and over but I always held the cork on the bottle, afraid to lose him if he knew. About the things I had been through and the lousy way I had dealt with them.

"I started to take money from guys who wanted me when I was 23", I said softly. Maybe this was not the right moment but I had to show him that I didn't want to have secrets from him; it was just hard to talk about it.

He didn't look at me but he squeezed my hand lightly as to encourage me to talk more. "Bet you were a young hot shot then huh", he said.

I smirked. He always tried to lighten the mood when I opened my heart.

"Guys complimented me on my nice ass so I decided I could make money with it", I said. "I was a push-over until then and honestly I saw it as a way to grab the initiative. To take matters into my own hands. I saw it as a great way to ......I don't know, set the rules. It was flattering Reid, and I made a lot of money but that was never my goal".

"What was then?", he asked. "Did you want to piss off your family?".

He was direct and right most of the time. "Maybe", I said. "I never gave it too much thought then, I wanted to be independent and in charge so having my own business I could do what I wanted, away from the intrigues and fights. I wanted to have fun without commitments, because I didn't see any advantages in them. Loose contacts according to my rules, what more can a young man want?".

"What did your parents say when they found out?", he asked.

My parents, a huge pain-point in my life. "They didn't understand it; my mother said that I did it to hurt her, ruin the image of the family. That I was a rebel, an enfant terrible. A bad influence on my siblings. She prayed for me in church and asked me where she failed in her upbringing".

"She made it about her?", Reid asked surprised.

"She always does Reid, and maybe she was right, maybe I did it because I was a sort of rebel but not because I wanted to hurt her. I had been trying to please everyone around me, trying to hold our family together but at that point I couldn't do it anymore, I saw it as her job to raise their kids and give them a safe home.

It was a necessary step to cut my family out of my life, it was a poisoning environment in which I grew up and I couldn't take it anymore. She didn't listen to me, she always had her own agenda and I was ready to conquer the world. I had to make a clean cut and I did, I bought my own house and my new Audi and tried to take care of myself as well as I knew how. Living in a big city as Chicago I was anonymous, not a Snyder. When my sisters were big enough I bought them a house in the city too and payed for their education because my mother didn't approve their choices, they had to go to Harvard but they didn't want that".

"I went to Harvard", Reid said.

"But was that your own choice?", I asked.

For the first time Reid looked at me and he smiled. "I had dreamed about it since I was 9", he said. "When my parents died my uncle Angus took me with him and started to save money for me. He even took a second job for me, one he hated but he wanted me to be happy".

"Wow, an orphan", I said and heard how it sounded, it was so not what I wanted to say but Reid didn't need me to sugarcoat things. He wanted the real me, dumb remarks and all.

"Yes wow, I don't remember being very sad because I hardly knew my parents, they were always working. I grew up with my uncle and Aunt Gretchen and they were nice to me, they loved me seeing the child they never got in me. I was sadder when my aunt died to be honest. Although she knitted me the worst itching sweaters with reindeers and stuff I knew she loved me.

"I can picture you as a kid Reid", I said softly. "I can see a nerdy boy with a wrong sweater who was laughed at by other kids. But I guess you didn't care".

"I have never been interested in other's opinions until I met Casey", he said and looked at me. Casey has taught me the human basic interaction forms, I am grateful to call him my friend. He is blunt and not complicated; well I guess I am not telling you something new because you know him".

"I don't want to ruin the moment but I am cold and tired, do you want to come to bed with me or do you want me to bring you home?", I asked.

"It's my free weekend so I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow", Reid said and yawned.

"So that's a yes for staying here?", I asked.

"I would love to", he said.


Next chapter

Series: Still not enough
Chapter: 13
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Reid had a nice New Years night with a gigolo he can't get out of his head (Reid's POV).
Sequel of the Yule challenge 2015 entry: Not enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanks to zzzfreckles (Pamela) for the beta and encouragement!!!


Previous chapter



"Let's walk home", I suggested when we were outside. Casey had been talking a lot about Luke's family, more than my date wanted and now he was kinda absent and quiet. We also had a few drinks too many so we needed to sober up.

"That is if you want to go home with me", I said softly in his ear. In my fantasy he would turn his head to me and smile, nod and kiss me while his eyes started to get that magical spark but he didn't react.

Who was I to take him home? He obviously had a lot to deal with right now; did I have the patience to listen to him? Could I give him any logical advice?

The tables were turned since New Year’s Eve. Luke said then that he couldn't give me what I needed and now I doubted about my ability to give him what he craved. Would it be enough for him that I was interested in him as a person? Even though I had no idea what he needed me to be?

His shaking body felt so good in my arms. The icy wind was freezing but it also made me sober. We stood there for a while not knowing what to do till I felt my body lean forward. I softly caressed his lips with mine and tightened the grip of my arms around him.

All I could do was show him that I wasn't going anywhere if he wanted me around, no history or cold weather could push me away. He freed his arm from the cage I was forming with my body and touched my face with his fingers. It was subtle, the way he moved, the way he let his fingers follow the curve of my chin.

Maybe that was what he needed, a softness in me, a jump into something we both couldn't define. I didn't need to solve his problems, he only asked me without words to be there for him.

And to my own surprise I had that in me; I kissed his lips softly while I loosened the grip around him. I didn't have to hold him up, he was strong enough but he only wanted me to stay with him.

Or did I miss something? Was my blurred mind so sure about what he needed that I didn't see the signs? I could ask him but it would ruin the wonderful close moment we had. He couldn't put words to his needs anyway I guessed.

We stood there for a while, letting our noses touch, looking into each other’s eyes and touching each other until his body started to shiver so hard that we broke the moment.

"Will you come home with me?", he asked.

I nodded, I would do anything he asked me to, and for him to invite me in his house was a big deal. It was not only that he shared his body with me but he also wanted me in his inner circle, his private space, his safe haven.

I didn't ask how far it was, or if he was sure. I knew that he was a bruised man but I had seen him in his role of a strong independent man and I liked that picture, that version of him.

I knew that he didn't feel confident right now but I didn't want him broken either. I was not a therapist so maybe I did exactly the wrong thing but it was what I thought was the best thing for him. Being as drunk as we were I didn't want to take advantage of him either, by pulling his pain out of him now his inhibitions were gone. If he wanted to share things with me we needed to be sober.

We walked through the silent city for ages until we reached a nice house in the suburbs. It wasn't big or glamorous, but it had a huge garden with trees and a pond. Luke grabbed my hand and led me to a porch where he let me sit in one of the rocking chairs. He went inside and came back with glasses filled with warm wine. He put them on a table and made a fire in a fire basket.

Finally he sat down next to me. We drank our wine in silence while we listened to nature coming alive already. It was peaceful and intimate.

"I have never brought anyone home with me before", he said after a while. "This is the place where I come home, where I am alone, where I can think and ...I don't know, oversee my life.

I have been thinking a lot about you on this porch, looking over the fields. Trying to discover what I wanted, why I didn't give in to my feelings for you. I have had so many moments in which I had dialed your number but didn't continue, afraid to give you false hope. Afraid to give anything but my body. Scared that you would hurt me too. Scared that I would break if I was giving in. Afraid that it would scare you away, that you would think that I was a lost case.

I know I sound like a loser but I want you to know that I have cherished our time together as much as you have. When I donated money at your foundation I hoped you would be happy. When I asked Steven how his meetings with you had been I hoped he would give me some information about you, how you looked or what your mood had been. But it was never enough; I was always disillusioned when I had talked to him because I wanted to hear more about you. See you. Smell you".

I rocked slowly in my chair and grabbed his hand. "Maybe we think too much Ed", I said. "I have been exactly like you, thinking back and forth, asking myself if I had anything to offer you. Could I ever satisfy you after the life you lived? Could I let you in in my life? I like structure and perfection, predictability but since our night it isn't making me happy anymore. I have missed you".

Luke threw a few more wood blocks in the fire and I saw the flames radiate on his skin. He looked at me and I got warm from the heat in his eyes.

"Why are we not giving in Reid?", he asked. "Why is it hard for us to admit that we are better together? I am willing to try baby, I want you because you bring me to life, because I feel excited when I see you, with your analytical mind you reduce so many problems I see".

For the first time in my hectic life I felt at ease, sitting in the dark with the man who was on my mind all day. I never thought that it would happen to me but it did, I had fallen for someone. Who, and that was the most amazing part, accepted me for who I was. Who saw through my rudeness. Who obviously didn't have a problem with my autistic side, but saw the benefit of it.

It felt as if I was dreaming but I realized how important this moment was in our lives. As bad as I was with remembering birthdays or holidays, this day would be graved in my memory as the day that Luke and I promised each other something. What it was had to be determined in the future but our intentions were clear.

I warned myself that I should never have expectations towards him, I didn't want to pressure him in any way giving him the feeling that he failed. I was happy with everything he could give me now we had set some ground rules. Everything would be better from now on because I knew he wanted to be with me.

I squeezed his hand softly and stared into the distance. "I love you", I said softly.


Next chapter