| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
--Post May Trigger--
I first joined this community under my other journal name, but since this is the one i write my ghosts in, i decided to join it under this name as well.
My story? heh, a long & phucked up one. I'll spare a lot of detail & sum it up:
i was molested by a neighbor/family friend when i was liek 4-5 yrs old. i don't remember very much about that, so that's not where all of my real issues lie (though granted, what he did was wrong & bad). When i was 12, my parents were killed in a car accident, and i was left under the care of my 21 yr old brother. My brother & i had never been very close for whatever reasons; our relationship had always been..erratic/odd, to say the least.
Fast forward a few years.
To sum up the gist of my teenage years, when i was around 14 my brother took his frustrations at the world out on me, in the form of mental, emotional, & physical abuse. Used to force me to drink & do drugs with he and his friends, & to do a variety of humiliating things in front of them. It turned sexual just before i turned 15. By the time i hit 16, the phucker was molesting and/or raping me on a nearly-nightly basis.
Fast forward a few more years.
I moved out of his place & in with my best friend when i was 18. When i was 19, i got involved with a guy & ended up falling head over heels in love with him. Started out great, but the relationship ended up to be just as abusive as the one i escaped with my brother. After about 1 1/2 years of his shite, i finally got the nerve to leave him.
The years that followed were your typical abuse-victim-story: too many drugs, way too much alcohol, several attempts at suicide. Ended up in therapy & on meds. Still doing both (therapy & meds, that is). Stopped drinking nearly two years ago, stopped doing drugs (other than meds) a year ago.
Started several online abuse survivor/support groups, and moderate a few that belong to soemone else.
Adopted a little girl 14 months ago, and she's the best thing that ever happened to me. My brother & i are still in contact with one another (my decision, though soemtimes i can't figure out why i'd do that) & our relationship is much more stable (and much safer) than what it used to be.
I guess it's safe to say i got most of my life pulled together, despite the fact that i'm still haunted by what happened to me, and i still have bad days where it all comes back to me.
i'm not sure what my point in all of this is, now that i've written it. i guess to show that there's always hope, despite every situation.
It takes a strong person to write out their past, when they've had bad things happen to them. I see soem strong people here, and in other groups i'm in, and that's to be admired. I wish much luck to everyone who's haunted by ghosts of their own.
|
sad
uncomfortable
drained
content
cheerful
crappy