During the World Cup football competition last summer the cross of Saint George was to be seen everywhere; so how come when his own special day comes around it’s so hard to find one ?

The Scots, the Welsh and the Irish all celebrate their saints’ days. Blimey ! Half the country seems to turn green on Saint Paddy’s day, but few seem to care for poor old Georgie.

Perhaps it’s because he was likely to have been a bloody foreigner from the fourth century AD (Oops ! Sorry, ‘CE’) when there was no such place as England: or perhaps it’s just because the money grabbing supermarket chains have not yet come up with a marketing strategy to create another Halloween or Saint Valentine’s Day.

I believe that you can now buy St. George’s Day greetings cards, so I suppose all the other crap will soon follow, and as George is believed to have been a Roman soldier born in Turkey you can expect kebabs on little lances and hot cross pitta bread to feature in the festive fayre; alongside dragon’s breath spicy sauce and martyrs’ barbecued ribs. All to be washed down with a few bottles of…  THIS !

…    Slaying dragons must have been thirsty work.

You will have to excuse this short post today as I am too upset to think of anything after reading page after page of the Sunday newspapers. In fact I was so distraught when demolishing my ‘full English’ breakfast that I almost wept all over my fried slice. 

No, it was not the increasing death toll in Iraq, nor the threat of global warming, or even the plight of the starving people of Africa, that so upset me …

It was the terrible news that … Willy has dumped Katie !

Just when the press were about to create another ‘Diana’ for us all to worship, this silly young sod has decided that he prefers the life of a ‘Hooray Henry’ to that of being married to a piece of not ‘Posh’ enough ‘Totty’ .

Oh! well (sigh). I expect that, just like the number 11 bus … ‘there will be another one along in a minute’.

Hang on a minute ! I hadn’t read far enough, for… Would you ‘Adam ‘n’ Eve’ it ?  There’s already another one on the horizon …

Could it be … ‘Stunning socialite’ … Isabella Anstrutha-Gough-Calthorpe ?  

Blimey ! I’ve seen lots of double-barrelled names before, but not a triple … Now that’s what I call ‘posh’ with a capital ‘P’…

…  I’m feeling better already.

Who are all these people who keep telling us that ethnic minorities or non Christians will be offended by certain aspects of life in this country ?

Where the bloody hell do they come from? …  and did they ever consult with any person from an ethnic minority or someone from another religion ?  … I very much doubt it ! 

Last weekend we had the ridiculous story where traditional Easter hot cross buns were banned  in case they offended ethnic minorities.

Someone had better warn Sainsbury’s that they are in danger of offending thousands of their customers as they have them on display all year round in their bakery department, alongside bagels, nan, blini and other items favoured by ethnic minorities.  

I would like to see a list drawn up by the responsible leaders of all the ethnic minorities and religious groups in this country stating what exactly their members find offensive when they come across some traditional aspects of British life, it’s customs and religion.

My guess is that it would be a very short list indeed, for I cannot believe that anyone is offended by such things as a cross on a currant bun, the Union Flag flying over a town hall or the Virgin Mary appearing on Christmas postage stamps.

If I were a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu or member of any other religion or race I would find it insulting to have some jumped-up official tell me what will offend me, when my own reaction might well be, to use the vernacular of the day, and in the words of our Prime Minister  …

…     “Am I bovvered ?”