Finally got everything moved in. Im so exhausted. All week I have been cutting my stays with friends short because I have been too tired to stick it out. Probably a first for me. Im usuially the last one standing. I guess pushing myself so hard has started to catch up with me. I have to go to work tomorow and I know its going to be hell. I will make it through though. Hung out for a bit with Melissa today. It was nice and all. She has been down 3 days but we have always been hanging out with other friends. It was really nice. I havent felt this at peace in my mind for quite a while.
Im looking at starting my own buisness. Silencers sound like a grand idea from what I can tell. The cost of making them compaired to what their sold for is pretty sick. I need to learn taxes and such but thats ok.. Still just a thought in the making at the molment. Im all about it though. Screw working for people. I want people working for me. Im smart enough and resourcefull enough to get it done but we will see how it goes. Im not rushing anything.
I like what I am turning myself into for the most part. Given a bit more time I think I can have a great life.
Besides that things are the same as always.
Then we have this kid we call 'one up' He is the youngest kid in the class and no matter how big of a fish you have caught he has a friend that has caught a bigger one. Theres no winning with that kid.
Then we have 'butter bean' He is the most athletic fat kid I have ever seen. Picture a 300 pound mexican with a porkiepine on his head that kicks ass at football baseball.. or anything athletic. I have never seen anything like it.
Then theres 'eeore' This guy is such a downer its comical. I cant express how funny it is to see how he interacts with people. He is like the class pet. Always gotta have one.
This is just the ground work. Some pretty funny stories to come in a bit. I have to test out in a second..
This is my life I spent the last 4 years in the Marine Crps and I hate the person I have become as a result of that. I hve a best friend thats fuckng the love of my life and the love of my life that gets inconsiderate and selfish every other year and crushes me. I have a dad thats sick in the head who thinks he is going to be a millionare from crazy letters he is writing to the FBI and a controll freak step dad that cares but I cant seem to really connect with. I have a mother who I am more worried about making woried than reaching out to and a sister who has it all together. A borther in law that judges my masochistc ways and trys to connect with me that I push away against my own desires and a productive life ahead of me that I dont want. I am an aclcoholic and an adict in one too many ways and for all my mental stability and fortitude I break down over and over again.
So heres to those times I cant forget. The good and the bad. Heres to the friendships I have made in spite of how unhealthy they are. Heres for the sucess I am about to have but never really worked for. Heres for all the people down this road that have reached out to me and tried to help me but I blew off. Heres to life with all its twists and turns. All of the promise it has that always seems just out of reach.
I have never failed at anything I have dedicated myself to until recent events. In spite of that I will find happyness and sucess in life and I will reach my own end on my own terms. I will do things my way and say 'fuck the world' as I always have.
Im not thinking clearly but I never have. Its always been shades of grey that I have accepted for clarity. I will make my own path and do something that reaches people. To hell with the pain that comes along the way.
Long story kinda short- I brought Melissa down here for a while and things were great. After I felt that she was really to a place that she had grown up and gotten past her issues I decided to bring her back down here to give things a long term try. When she got here she was dealing with the fallout of her last relationship and I didnt want us to be a rebound relationship so I gave her time and space. She put up walls and pushed away from me instead of talking things out and went to Tony to talk things out. She then broke things off with me and got with Tony.
Sense then I have worked through things with Tony pretty well but she has refused to be open and talk with me. I was hurt that in spite of how long we knew etchother she would do this to me and even more so that when she saw that I was in pain she hardly made any effort at all to support me.
A lot of drama kicked up over nothing and she is convinced I was lying about something very stupid. Even after a 3rd party layed out exactly what happened she turned it into a consperiacy theory that we collaborated a story to sell to her. At this point I was fed up with doing everything I could to fix our friendship and even more upset that she was starting stupid drama over nothing and calling me a lier; Saying that she couldent trust me at all. I layed out that I no longer have any desire to be her friend and I was immediatly relieved of so much stress. I feel really good right now. Better than I have felt in a while. I am upset that its come to this but I cant allow myself to tolerate this kind of treatment.
So thats the story.. Parts of it anyways. I left out other fun things like Melissa thinking I was stealing her pills.. Good times.
Im loving the shit out of this song right now. It made me laugh a little. I have been pretending to laugh but this was the first real one in some time.
Hello my love go fuck yourself.
Its not too hard you fucked everyone else.
What would you do If I told your mom
That you got gang banged after prom
I want to rip off your fack ass tits
Or take a chainsaw to your clit
Remeber my big black friend jamal
The one who raped you behind the mall
He said for a white girl you wernt that tight
He gave you aids I laughed all night
Dont take too hard theese things I said
I wish all your family was dead
Crash your car or fall off cliff
Drink some bleach or choak on dick.
I hope you die, I hope you go deaf
Fuck you bitch your my worst regret
Hello my love just one more thing
Anal sex is still cheating
I guess its not your best atrabute
You run around likea prostitute
Come on bitch Were you on crack?
To think I would ever take you back
I guess its cool I cant blame you
cause I fucked most of your friends too
Crash your car or fall off cliff
Drink some bleach or choak on dick.
I hope you die, I hope you go deaf
Fuck you bitch your my worst regret
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notthatotherguy- Craig
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