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Mind mind itches, but my heart keeps bleeding.. [14 Jul 2004|02:13am]
ex_houndstoo263
First there was adam, but there come others
In organized lines
Descendants of the broken rib, pursed lips, and a crooked spine
For all of the weight I put on you, there come others
In organized spirals
Four letters lighter, weighted for, and a trial
I will wear my hat to meet you, there are others
In organized circles

What I mistook for uncomplicated love was merely underdeveloped soul
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Bus Stop [01 Jul 2004|06:26pm]

steve_sometimes
[ mood | tired ]

Someone was here, but now they are not.
Someone was sitting in this very spot.
I can still feel here the warmth from her body.
Makes my mind wander; it makes me feel naughty.

Was it a prostitute waiting for work?
Or maybe some lonely guy waiting for her?

Maybe a child sat here, scared and alone,
looking, like I am, to find a way home.
Hoping for something, I breathe in this night air,
waiting for someone to return my blank stare.

There's a saint somewhere who lies with a sinner
who's trying to find his salvation within her,

while I'm at this bus stop looking for a warm smile.
Another mile, some get off, others on.
But I don't take the bus. I'm just drifting along,
and someone will sit there as soon as I'm gone.

4 comments|post comment

stream of consciousness [01 Jul 2004|03:19pm]
ex_houndstoo263
[ mood | hungry ]

What a mess. I just can’t keep it down very well. I should tell her I’m sorry, but I’m not really. I just think she should understand where I am, but she wont. I love her and she knows it and that’s great. I should laugh at her jokes more, smile when telephone callers speak to me as if I were she.
All of these boxes and bags and I just can’t stop adding to it, piling it all up. Would you were papers or balloons, I’d just throw you all away. Right out that huge window overlooking a carbon copy homestead. You’re not nothing though, you’re something and everything in between. From 2001 onward ‘til this very second we’ve got grosgrain and pushpins in box bottoms. Now we’ve got blood on the carpet.
AWAY, I want it all away! I’m not at the bottom of these, nor at the top. She’s been so good to me, so good. I’ve packed her up in these boxes with out a second sigh. It will start and stop again. It will move from back to now again, and then, I will be inside with her. I am her first, last, and only line against the front ongoing. Come on now, we will hold hands sometime, you know? No, you don’t think so?
I can’t fight fair with you, you can’t fight me at all some days, most days really. The worst is the lack of a shelf on which to arrange my blame these days. I would wear it if I could, but it’s just not my style. I’ll go on loving and you will too, I’m just not satisfied…

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Lets get this shit back in motion! [24 May 2004|01:09am]

soybomb02
I need some help for a scholarship essay, so I was hoping to get some imput from ya'll bitches. This could be a really important stipend if I get it, so please criticize and improve this shit. Thanks.

PS- this is a little over 250 words....ok, 100 words over. HELP.

~Write 250 words on your goals and aspirations as they relate to your education, career, and future plans. Explain why you are a qualified candidate and should be considered for the scholarship. Please include details on your financial need.~

A fascination with disease is not always seen as a desirable trait in a little girl. According to most, I should have been interested in fairy tails or nursery rhymes at the very least. I’m lucky to have parents who recognized the numerous books on infectious disease and medical dictionaries as signs of my calling and fostered my curiosity so I could succeed in a health care profession.

But before checking the box for ‘Pre Med’ it came to me that I was more interested in the person affected by the disease rather than the disease affecting the person. I thought that by checking the ‘Nursing’ box, I could have the best of both worlds- science in everyday life. And ever since that check, I fell I have found my place in life: to be a nurse.

This past winter my father was diagnosed with cancer, and my grandmother was losing her battle with this disease. It was the first time I was on the other side, and I was lost. I found no solace in the medical books I once cherished because this was real, and this was changing my life. The faceless doctors were doing their best, but the nurses were there every day. Grace, Noreen, Annie: I’ll never forget their names, these intelligent women offering comfort in a time of great stress. They took vitals, gave medication, checked dressings. But they also gave shoulders to cry on, they gave ears to listen, and they gave hope.

While my grandmother died, my father continues to live in remission with the help of family, friends, and the nurses who understand the true meaning of health. From this experience, my goals and aspirations for my career have changed slightly and they’re a little higher than simply being a great nurse: I’m going to change the world, instilling hope in everyone, one family at a time.
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COMMUTE by Jarrad Nunes [11 Mar 2004|03:59pm]

jnoonez
A Hungarian physicist recently developed a revolutionary device that can measure the atomic speed of an attosecond. An attosecond is the name given to a quintillionth, or a millionth of a millionth of a millionth, of a second. This minuscule segment of being is imperceptible to the unassisted human senses, and is to recorded time what a second is to the duration of our universe’s existence.

-------------------------------------

While the world around it rushed to start yet another Thursday, this particular October morning progressed at its own deliberate cadence. The unseasonably cold air encapsulated particles of hasty conversation at the point of delivery, and the oaks lining yet another narrow road wept dead leaves. The monotonous wind song eulogized a six-foot by three-foot patch of asphalt on a remote stretch of Market Road. To the birds or biplanes or gods that watched from overhead, the sight of Simeon Wright was one of the few that had any permanence that morning—no blurry trail of perpetual motion could be seen surrounding the impact spot.

The place where body met pavement was a slick of congealing blood. Some reddish coins and bits of rock salt or glass were scattered around, and a crimson shoelace hung moist and untied from a scuffed black dress shoe. It would remain that way for the time being. An attractive young woman on her way to work, startled sufficiently enough from her morning routine to break it, maneuvered carefully in high heels to feel the young man’s wrist for a rhythmic accompaniment to the idling but broken vehicle sitting just yards away—its bumper wrapped impossibly around a sagging oak.

Covering the young man’s pulse point was a simple plastic-banded watch—the kind with a large digital display and little else. Without much effort, the watch fell off the man’s wrist and into the woman’s hand. The scratched rectangular watch face read 7:42:33. It flashed. The new readout was the same as the last. 7:42:33. Entranced, the woman watched as the timepiece continued to repeat the same five-number, two-colon sequence it had just a second before. She checked her own watch, which now read seven fifty-three. 7:42:33. 7:42:33. On this uncertain morning, one inexorable fact about Simeon Wright’s death was clear, and it continued to announce itself on the face of a damaged timepiece.

Stowing a cellular phone deep in her briefcase, the young woman paced on the narrow road’s shoulder waiting for help. At this point, her exposed skin was so cold it burned with an artificial warmth that ultimately kept her from retreating into her car. The woman’s continued pacing, however, did little to divert her attention from the expired human body lying just feet from her own. She rifled through her pocket for a cigarette, but instead plucked the man’s cheap digital watch from within. 7:42:33, still. At this time—eight-thirteen by the young woman’s own watch—the sight of a cadaver had grown considerably less jolting, and the young woman surveyed the young man with renewed intensity.

She counted no less than six places from where his blood had spilled into the pores of the pavement. On such a cold morning, the young woman wondered why he wouldn’t have thought to wear a jacket, or at least a heavier sweater. His clothes, nonetheless, were stylish where they weren’t torn. The young woman noticed a stripe of argyle at the place where the young man’s left foot had been unnaturally folded under itself. What happened at 7:42:33? She mouthed the words silently as if to ask the young man himself. Though silent, the young woman’s breath was carried aloft in tendrils of grayish steam. Literally, the answer was lying directly in front of her, and just steps away under a still-swaying oak, and strewn about in bits covering the desolate road. These answers did not satisfy.

Judging from the collection of material evidence surrounding her, the young woman concluded that this young man must have led a rather comfortable, enjoyable life. An abundance of enviable brand names adorning the young man’s body and the rear bumper of his totaled car supported this theory. Neglecting the jagged laceration that ran from temple to chin, he also possessed an attractive face. Devoid of any conscious expressiveness, the gaze of his deep blue eyes was affixed straight ahead—straight up, to be more precise—and it pierced the canopy of swirling brown rainclouds. Despite his physical presence, the young man’s life had deteriorated into a redundant hull whose contents were emptying onto the road much more slowly now—at eight twenty-two—than they were just minutes earlier.

Before long, help arrived and the young woman retreated to the gravelly shoulder of Market Road. She watched intently as several men struggled to lift the death-weighted body from its point of final impact, leaving little more than an ill-defined patch of crimson in its absence. She deflected a numbing vortex of dust that was kicked aloft by a particularly violent wind gust. She listened as the lead paramedic yelled indifferently to another the name and age of the deceased—facts found in a wallet on the passenger seat of a crushed red Mercedes.

The readout on the dashboard clock read 9:02 as the young woman, feeling as if she had been awake for days, rolled to a stop at the intersection of Sixth and Commerce Streets. This short break in the commute afforded the young woman a moment to phone her secretary to let her know why she was running late, but the battery had died. Her entire being, lulled momentarily by the stillness of her death-watch, was having some difficulty readjusting to the morning’s assault as she neared the city center. Eventually the woman’s blue sedan, which had only journeyed twelve or thirteen miles that particular October morning, rolled into its reserved parking space sixty-eight minutes behind schedule.

As she walked briskly through the fluorescent halls of a sterile office building, the woman struggled to shift her mind to the day of work ahead. She remembered her first session was with a new client, and she feared her unintended tardiness—regardless of the excuse—would not sit well with a patient she hadn’t yet met. The secretary calmly explained that the morning’s first client was a no-show—that there was no need to worry about being late. She thanked the secretary and hurriedly ushered the waiting stack of patient files into her briefcase. The file on top was that of the absentee patient. Its label, neatly printed with a black felt-tipped pen, read Simeon Wright (8:30am): Initial Psych. Evaluation.

The young woman rushed past the half-empty water cooler and the stylish Monet lithograph and the small white wall clock—which now read nine thirteen—on the way to her office. Simeon Wright’s watch, stuck at a constant 7:42:33, remained in the woman’s coat pocket while she sought to replace the recollections of that October morning with piles of work.
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[10 Mar 2004|01:43am]

missjessyjessy
Unrequited

What is it you see
in her? She is nothing
but a figment. To your
shallow thought.

Her voice
Goes right through me.
Stabbing
like needles
that pierce my
Heart.

Jealous of
nothing. Waiting
for you. To
fuck it up.
Take your time.
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Some Things to Ponder: for Amelia and Our Not-So-Little Prince [08 Mar 2004|04:06am]

forallyouare
Yesterday was Chris Melendez's birthday.
And we should all acknowledge that...
There was a time when it mattered-
at least when he thought he did.
But actually, he was not real.
Only the fragments of others,
that he made into himself.
Now that we are grown up,
are we really the wiser?
Sometimes, I think not.
We are still children.
Searching, it seems
for the lost parts-
all the fragments.
They made us feel
almost whole.
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You Become Us [17 Jan 2004|07:05pm]

venuspenus
That's you knowing you want to talk to me
Asking me "why did you leave"
Saying I haven't been here enough

That's me breathing on your neck
Telling you "I've never left"
Showing that I can live within you

Your fingers grasp desperately
At the framed photograph of me
And through chattering teeth you cry

"Love, Dear, has never been so alive
You, Love, have never been so dead
And I'd take back all those dreams
To stay awake and watch you breathe"
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[31 Dec 2003|03:58am]

kevinvengence
"Destiny has two ways of crushing us--by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them." - Amiel

"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde

"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it." - George Bernard Shaw

-----Collapse )
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Pot [26 Dec 2003|10:24pm]

soybomb02
The usuals gather outside in the cramped backspace.

Cracked concrete and rusted seating cannot take away from the charm of the cast iron lamplight captured and overtaken by serpentine ivy, or the overgrown bushes spreading like blissful influenza over wooden fences that try in vain to block out the world. The moon is huge and hanging closer to Earth- closest it will ever get for the next thousand years- so close the man winks his cratered eyes and is in frozen reach, offering his famous green cheese.

The familiar smell enters my nostrils, is filtered to pure essense by my cilia, hits my olfactory nerve like a half-hearted slap until my temporal lobe reminds me why I'm here: to forget.

I light the fire and I inhale.

It truly is such a beautiful night- maybe, possibly, the most beautiful night that ever passed into day. Each individual cricket scrapes me a special song, at first scattered in space and time, then instantaneously melding together an orchestra, a symphony usually held for royalty, for Mother Nature Herself. A gently breeze moves past my cheek like a caress from a neglected ancestor keeping tabs- I turn my head, so fast, so sure I would see a ghostly hand or somehow familiar face. I see nothing but those unruly bushes laughing at an inside joke. But I can't be jealous because tonight is the first time I believe in guardian angels.

I light the fire and I inhale.

I look at that enchanted lamppost for the thousandth time and imagine a schoolteacher reading to young ones, encircling her in inquiry- "do teddy bears really wake up at night and go on picnics?" Suddenly I'm transported to 1990. Mrs. Naponen's kindergarten class, sitting in the magic circle. All it was was blue duct tape outlining where the good boys and girls would sit for story time, but it was magic because it was blue. And everyone knows that duct tape is only gray, so it must be something special.

I'm rambling, I know this. But I don't know this stream is being said aloud.

I continue, truly remembering time filed in my medial temporal lobe. Memories not dusted for years- some not since they've been created. Reading for the first time on Papa's lap, the story he's read to me a million and a half times- purple binding, something with a cow, Nellie or Ellen?- I memorized it, every syllable and emphasis, until I magically understood how to perform the task myself. Alicia Nuttle. The deaf girl with no neck. She was mean. Had attitude. Couldn't jump rope real good. But secretly, deep down where no one could know, I was jealous. She had impeccably white sneakers- the kind with purple and pink flowers embroidered on the sides, with precious jewels as the pollen, the kind with the red lights that danced when you danced. And she wore perfect clothes perfectly (these were not hand me downs of worn jeans and boyish flannels). But I could never be her friend. Who wants to be friends with a girl with no neck who can't play double dutch? Who can't even hear? The first secret sting of judgment.

I light the fire and inhale.

My mind flickers in a hurried frenzy- the memories were now polished and wanting to gleam in the sunlight of speech. Snap bracelets and bubble tape. Walking to school with Crystal Decker. Looney Tunes Tshirts. Ripping the valentine to my mom- I worked so hard, it had the perfect glitter to doily ratio- out of rage, then crying tears of hopeless regret: the first time I used the word 'hate' against my mother. Dance lessons at Denise Day. Building forts in Mim's basement. Mountains of paved snow at each street corner. Matt smashing my beloved porcelain doll- curious to see if it was 'real' or plastic: the first time being numb to loss. Learning to ride a bike in the backyard.

On and on. Everything was more important and had to be given the night before they lost their sheen, became broken by time, or so neglected to be forced into the recesses of the mind- garbage, reminded only in an occasional forgotten dream.

I keep lighting and inhaling.

Ms. Miracle Grow- the first time I was teased. CCD classes. Intolerable health class and knowing everything before the other girls. I go on and on. It seems like an hour, feels like eternity. I've told my life, from points in time scattering back and forth between my years. But the memories couldn't stop, even after my mouth did.

The usuals were laughing at my stroll, wishing they could walk the lane in their head, saying, "man this stuff is good." Most walk inside to stereotypically listen to the Beatles or watch Donnie Darko. The appreciative ones stay outside to try and touch the moon. Some already have. And I stare- transfixed- at the lamppost, remembering my life.

A drop of water escapes my right tear duct, caressing my orbital until traveling the long route of epidermis to mandible. Another spills, then another. I don't know why the leakage. I don't know why I'm so angry- no, not angry. Frustrated. Disappointment is the liquid staining my face in cheap mascara. Disappointed that it never got easier, that the dullness never lifted and the curtain of my soul has never been drawn to reveal all the potential, the dazzling gems that no one- not even myself- know exist in this 5'10 frame of atoms. I never expected it to be like this when I sat on the magic circle. I look to the moon until the smell hits me again and commands me to forget.

I light the fire...
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[26 Dec 2003|01:29am]

kevinvengence
Rip me apart, asshole!

Read more...Collapse )
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Perfection [19 Dec 2003|04:05am]

sc00bydamn
I've used the metaphors
before
Laying naked; quietly observing
before today,
I've been a token--
Broken,
Vulnerable; whimpering heavy--hard.
Still I'm not sad--
Perhaps delusional
This reality seems surreally confusional.
Ostensible, perhaps unsensible.
Mildly comprehensible.

Shooting stars,
and Candy bars --
Both short lived, and sticky-sweet.
My stomach aches as I partake --
In two indulgences
I can live without

Kiss perfection goodbye,
Lips so sweet; eyes so bright.
No more room for you tonight.
Perfection is the perfect lie.
A lie gone perfectly awry.
There's no room for perfection here.
Leave it at the door.
Kiss perfection goodbye tonight.
Hold me in your arms tonight.
Lay with me again tonight.


-Paul

I was sleepy... but in the mood. Also I'm trying to write more. It's sort of sappy and lame. Not really sad... although you could maybe read it like that? But I don't think it's sad at all. Whatev. Feel free to tear it apart. I intentionally have a lot of weird rhyme shemes... and made up a word or two -- as any good poet should.
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BLAH [21 Nov 2003|03:20am]

jebodiahhpoe
[ mood | depressed ]

I named this one Lethologica, its the condition of not having the write words to say, or losing them before you could say them.

Lethologica

The sky wakes up a scintillating palette of oranges, reds and yellows.
Fire has formed in the clouds since his eyes had last gazed there.
A perfect night of effortless involvement,
wrapped in a tight knot of blankets.
She blinks and his heart stops in anticipation
of her crystalline eyes' next guest appearance.

Combined with the sunlight that smiles
through the cracks in dawns celestial mist,
her newly iridescent eyes burn holes in his mind.
She speaks in tongues to deceive, to disguise
and bring nightmares to ruin his dreams,
that eat at his insides the way a believer takes to lies.

She uses metaphors that mean nothing more
than that their love had ended before he had spoken a word

Her glare freezes the reply in his lungs,
with one final gasp, he chokes on his thoughts
and can only mouth the words that were lost by his tongue.

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*Bad Poetry Alert* Hey, it rhymes!! Who am I, Keri Sullivan? [20 Nov 2003|09:03pm]

soybomb02
I Will Break You


I've been sitting on this goldmine for years, totally unaware.

A weapon so destructive that nothing can compare.

Bigger than anything man has ever known,

With the ability to break down the world you've been shown.

Motivation stolen and self doubt instilled,

Hopes or dreams completely killed.

I have the capability to disrupt your universe.

My words can break, can murder, can curse.

You too must have this power of what words can be,

Because you beat me to it by breaking me.
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corrosive night last night [16 Nov 2003|06:18pm]
ex_houndstoo263
you lie right there
right behind and beside

being low is lighter than this
i want to roll into the space you'd leave behind
face down, so that my chest would sink down
i'd breath into the space you had pushed down
face up breathing deep
complacent

you lie right there still, right, and beside me

being low is lighter than that
but it doesn't compare to this
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On the Importance of Having Friends [14 Oct 2003|08:31pm]

forallyouare
As she stirs in his arms, he tells himself that he is comforting her. Simultaneously protecting her from herself, while causing her to fall faster.

This is not a relationship.

He kisses her face, her lips, her eyelids...
the tips of her lashes are not forgotten.
"I'm happy she's my friend."

His hand rests on the small of her back.
Her small hand lies outstretched on his chest.
"I'm happy you're my friend."

His lips brush against hers.
(This is not a relationship)

The weight of his body pushes her down.
(It's good to have friends)

His arms tighten around her.
And then...
"Oh I'm so happy! I'm so happy you're my friend!"

He buries his face in her neck...
and tries not to feel.
They lie there for an eternity...
but only as friends.

And then he looks up, his eyes half closed.
His heart is heavy with camaraderie.
He's so happy that they are friends.

And he feels such relief
as he convinces first himself,
and then her:
"We will always be friends."

But pessimism is his favorite pastime.
And loneliness is his best friend.

He takes her to the car and unlocks the door.
His own heart remains latched.
He clutches at it as he drives her home,
reminds himself why he enjoys being sad.
And a refreshing gulf of self-pity washes over him.

"Things will never change," he promises.
"We will always be friends."

And his heart is lifted by sorrow
as he watches her walk to the door.
And she empties her heart to make room
for the happiness that he is her friend.

As she approaches the door she turns to look back.
And her heart sinks with the sudden realization
that he is in love with being sad
and she is in love with being his friend.
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A New England Break-Up [08 Oct 2003|12:10am]

venuspenus
I'm thinking of leaving the country
So maybe I can lose you in the time change
And I'll mistake my heartbreak for jetlag

The foreign winds will keep me occupied
Instead of missing you, I'll miss my home

I can relate to the gray skies of London
That whole city looks depressed
And I can disguise my tears as rain

But i'll never leave you
For I fear you'll forget me

And on these familiar streets
We used to hold hands
We'd squeeze so tightly
Afraid we'd lose each other in the crowds

I miss our warm kisses in the falling snow
And that time you promised you'd never let me go
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The Goddess part IV - Somewhere in Rural Mississippi [30 Aug 2003|02:01am]

steve_sometimes
Sittin’ on my porch, jes’ strummin’ my guitar,
jes’ like what I always do on Sunday afta’noon,
when I heard some footsteps comin’ thu my yard.
“Who’s there?” I axed. Then I heah dis white girl say,
“Just a couple of strangers,
come to hear you sing.”

I had to laugh, ‘cause I know who it was.
“And no you ain’t, neither,” I says, and
I says, “You best be gettin’ on
outta here. Catrina, girl, is that you?”
“Yes sir,” she say,
“and I brought a friend.”

Well, I knowed dat a’ready, ‘cause
I could heah ‘im jes’ whisperin’.
Now, you know me, you do,
and I don’t like no whisperin’ and
no secrets ‘round here.
I says to him,

I says, “Boy, mind you now,
you know I cain’t see you there,
but jes’ ‘cause I’m black and blind
don’t mean I’m deef and dumb.”
That shet him up,
yes suh, right quick.

Jes’ then, Mabel Lee come out
on the porch and she say, “Daddy,
is somethin’ wrong out here?”
“No, Mabel Lee,” I says, and I says,
“You ‘member
Catrina, don’t you?”

Then I decided I might as well
give ‘em what they come for.
I got to strummin’ on my guitar,
and tappin’ my foot on the porch
and I sang some
of that old blues.


“Oh, good Lord, carry me back now to my home,”
I sang, and Catrina was jes’ clappin’,
“Oh, good Lord, carry me back now to my home,”
Still jes’ clappin’, and her friend was too,
then I says her name
and she know to sing.

“I got folks back there,”
She sing so it near made me cry,
but I kep’ on playin’ anyways.
“Know they miss me while I’m gone.”

Never heard another white girl sing like that…
she sing like she a angel come down from heaven.
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They Make No Sound [25 Aug 2003|07:46pm]

steve_sometimes
I follow the sidewalk,
stepping on the fallen leaves.
Softened by the recent shower,
they make no sound.

There is no wind today,
I think. Or perhaps…
I feel something cold and damp
blowing through me.
Through my jacket, my clothes,
my skin. Through my bones.
I shiver.

I keep walking.
The leaves are still silent.
I look to my right and see
squirrels. They are rummaging,
or perhaps only looking,
passively even, through the leaves.
They find nothing.
They make no sound.

I look the other way,
only for a moment.
I pass you on the sidewalk.
You are laughing until you see me.

Suddenly, I miss you.
I look into your eyes.
I feel I am searching for something.
Your name, maybe?
I can’t recall.
I find nothing.
You make no sound.

I keep walking.
I keep stepping on the fallen leaves,
and you walk on.
Eventually, you laugh again.
The leaves make no sound.
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The Birthday Girl [07 Aug 2003|09:46am]

forallyouare
There she sits, with quiet resolution. Once more she has been forced to recall the beginning. The anniversary of her problematic existence in this world.

She cries, because the celebration, although loud, is silent validation for her pain.

And then...

She smiles, because little do they know, she will not be commemorating this event again.
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