Customer: *Comes up with a six-pack of beer.* “Yeah, I also want one of them vapes.”

It’s policy to ask for ID before even grabbing the product off the shelf.

Me: “Hello. May I see your ID?”

He ignores me.

Me: “Sir, do you have your ID?”

He ignores me again.

Me: “Sir, do you—”

Customer: *Yelling at me in a mocking tone.* “YES, I HAVE AN ID! IM NOT EVEN FINISHED WITH MY ORDER!”

Mind you, he was just standing there saying nothing and not making a move to get his ID. I have been around the block enough times in retail, and I know I need to confront this behavior head-on.

Me: “Is there a reason you’re speaking to me this way?”

He ignores me and continues staring at the items behind me.

Me: “Hmm, I see. Well, I’m not serving you. Please leave.”

Customer: “Are you serious?! Why?”

Me: “Your tone and behavior will not be tolerated. It’s obvious you’re being hostile to get what you want, or just aiming to beat down on someone you hope will just take it. I will not. You need to leave.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Me: “I have told you why. If you don’t leave, I’ll have to call the police because I’m not serving you and I’ve told you to leave multiple times.”

Customer: “Call the cops, then!”

I called the cops while he stared at me menacingly. I hang up after giving them my location, and he stands there staring at me. I take a few other customers, and he continues to stare. 

Twenty-eight minutes go by like this, no cops. He reaches past me, grabs the beer I refused to ring up, and walks out the door. I get his license plate as he literally reverses all the way out of the parking lot.

Less than sixty seconds later, the cops finally decide to pull up. He could’ve killed me, and the cops would’ve been twenty-eight minutes late to my murder because a guy who refuses to leave and is making the sole employee extremely uncomfortable after being told to leave multiple times doesn’t warrant a rapid response. 

I gave them the license plate, said they could access store footage if required, and left them to it. The police called back a few days later to say he wouldn’t be back in the store again…

A customer comes in to collect a take-out order. As I’m bagging it up for her:

Me: “And would you need utensils with that?”

Customer: “Uh… yeah! What, you think we’re just gonna eat this s*** with our hands?”

Me: “I wasn’t implying anything, it’s just some people like to—”

Customer: “—some people, huh? Am I just some people to you? Get your manager!”

Confused, I call my manager over.

Customer: *To my manager.* “This racist lil’ girl here said I’m some jungle person that doesn’t know how to use a knife and fork!”

Manager: “No, she did not say that, ma’am. I heard her ask if you would like utensils with your take-out order. That was it.”

Customer: “I don’t like her attitude! You’re gonna give me my food for free!”

Manager: “No, ma’am, we’re not gonna do that.”

Customer: “You’re gonna—”

At this point, another customer, presumably the current customer’s husband, wanders in to find his wife.

Customer’s Husband: “[Customer’s Name], how long does it take to get some d*** chicken?! You better not be trying to get free food again! This is why I told ya you better be back in the pickup in sixty seconds or I’m gonna come in to put an end to your foolishness!”

This seemed to shut the customer up. The husband rolled his eyes, paid for the takeout, graciously declined the utensils, and they both left without further incident.

I work at a boat rental in the warmer months (paddle boats, kayaks, and canoes) and we require an ID for many reasons, one being that the minimum age to rent a boat is fourteen. 

Last year, some girls around that age came up to us without any ID because barely any teenager under sixteen in Germany has an ID anyway. They didn’t even have a student ID because schools stopped making those.

Girl: “Wait! I have an E-scooter!”

Me: “Okay… and you have ID in the scooter?”

Girl: “No, but they only give those to you if you’re fourteen and up!”

Me: “I’ve seen nine-year-olds on those things. They don’t prove anything!”

Girl: “It proves if I can ride a scooter, I can ride a canoe!”

Me: “If you injure yourself on the scooter, you hurt yourself. If you injure yourself on our canoe, you hurt me, as I will be fired. Nice try, but no.”

Girl: “Well… I hope you get fired anyway you… you… dictator!”

All the girls stormed off, calling me various incarnations of an authoritarian despot, which hits harder in Germany!

I’m calling tech support for some trouble with my router.

Representative: “Can you please confirm the cord is plugged in at both ends?”

Me: “Sure, just a sec.”

I set my phone down and get under my desk, confirming that everything is in place (and making absolutely sure I’m looking at the same cord on both ends) before emerging.

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the cord is plugged in at both ends.”

Representative: “W-Wait… Did you actually just check the cord?”

Me: “Yes? That’s literally what you asked me to do; why wouldn’t I?”

Silence on the line.

Me: “Er, ma’am? Are you still there?”

Representative: “Uh, yes, sorry. That was a new one for me. Anyways…”

We proceeded with the troubleshooting, but that was the day I learned that most people who call tech support don’t actually listen to the person that they are asking to help them with their problems.

Customer: “I’m calling to tell you that my pizza was cold. I want a new one.”

Me: “Ma’am, I took your pizza first on my run, and it was the last pizza out.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So… that means when I delivered it, it was maybe five minutes out of the oven.”

Customer: “It was cold. Send me a new one.” *Click.*

I tell my manager about the call.

Manager: “Fine, bring her a new one, but get the old one first.”

I do so, knowing what my manager knows, specifically that she won’t have said pizza because she f****** well ate it. I explain this on delivery:

Customer: “Give me my pizza.”

Me: “I can’t give you this one unless you give me the other one.”

Customer: “We threw it out, it’s in the trash.”

Me: “Show me.”

Customer: “I’m not letting you look in our trash.”

Me: “Then I’m not giving you this pizza.”

Customer: “I’m calling your manager.”

Me: “Go ahead, but I have other pizzas to deliver, and unlike you, those customers don’t try to scam us out of a free pizza.”

I left and finished my delivery round. My manager walks up to me, looking angry and somehow sheepish at the same time.

Manager: “She called. She’s demanding a refund. Take the money back to her.”

Me: “You’re kidding, I hope.”

Manager: “No, but this is just to shut her up. You also get the pleasure of telling her she’s now been added to the banned customers’ list.”

So, I do. After delivering my other pizzas to actual customers (she’s no longer on any priority list from me), I hand her the cash and tell her she’s on the banned customer list, and f*** off outta there while she cusses me out.

I get back, and my manager wanders over again.

Me: “God d*** it, what is it now?!”

Manager: “She complained again because you didn’t refund her the $2 tip.”

Me: “That’s my $2. I’ve been out there three times now.”

Manager: “I know. Just take $2 from the register and bring it to her.”

I go to the cash register and get four rolls of pennies and unwrap them. When I pull up to her house, she comes out on the front porch and has one hand on her hip and the other one out for me to hand her $2. She was not expecting change and definitely not two hundred pennies dumped onto her hand.

Of course, her hand was too small to hold that much change anyway, and they immediately fell to the ground and went everywhere. 

I just got in my car and went back to work, and told my manager what I’d done, and he just started laughing. He did put her on the banned customer list and ignored all of her angry calls the rest of the night.

The sneaky woman tried to order to the same address from a different number the next week, and we told her “nice try”, and banned that number too.