What’s there to say?
I used to work here, until I didn’t. I used to write here, until I didn’t. There was a time when I lived and breathed in hypertext, until I didn’t. After disappearing for half a lifetime, something unexpectedly drew me back in. Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis. Maybe it’s not that serious or pretentious. Whatever the reason, this is a path back and a door forward. It’s the act of finding my way to a voice that I’ve kept hidden beneath who I felt I needed to be. It’s sifting through memories and trying to understand how we got here. Perhaps a lack of understanding is as good a reason as any.
I am not special. I’m not looking to build a following, to monetize, or to feed the content machine. I have nothing to share beyond these musings and regrets. I sometimes still use the online handle n3verm0re, but these days I’m mostly just Courtney—a forty-something living in New York with my wife and American Eskimo dog. I used to feel proud to call myself a software engineer, but I’ve had to switch gears as part of pivoting to a position in Big Tech.
There are no characters here. Names have not been changed. Everything is a reflection of memory and perspective, a reality which makes all of this deeply personal and largely unhelpful to most everyone else. Often this writing serves as a space to remind myself of something long past, usually a regret that I’ve let myself sit with too long or a hope for a future that I’m too stubborn to let go of. Each entry includes a time marker (e.g., “20 years ago”), so please keep that in mind. Many of these were already embarrassing back then, and time has not been kind. If you discover anything of value, please feel free to let me know. I assume most of this is just noise.
- Epoch 1 – 1998-2001 (High School, Early College)
- Epoch 2 – 2002-2003 (College)
- Epoch 3 – 2003 (Graduation)
- Epoch 4 – 2004-2006 (Early Adult)
- Epoch 5 – 2024-2025 (Current)
I’m still out here, floating in the ether. Don’t mind the mess.