{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker","title":"No Standing - Only Dancing","subtitle":"newloitering","author":{"name":"newloitering"},"link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"service.feed","type":"application\/x.atom+xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom","title":"No Standing - Only Dancing"}}],"updated":"2010-10-18T18:55:59Z","entry":[{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:124459","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/124459.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=124459"}}],"title":"So, um. Have a Ducifer fic?","published":"2010-10-18T18:55:46Z","updated":"2010-10-18T18:55:59Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer is awesome"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"dean is a traitor"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}}],"content":"Title: When The Devil Was Celibate
Author: nbaeker
Rating: NC-17
Genre and\/or Pairing: Lucifer\/Dean
Spoilers: Lol, none. This is cracky pr0n.
Warnings: Um, sex?
Word Count: 996
Summary: In which Lucifer is a virgin by choice, and Dean takes him to prom and then some.

Dean shoved his hands into his pockets as he strode into the prom\u2019s after-party, annoyed and horny. It was completely irrelevant that Lucifer had promised to find him and finish what they\u2019d started; the fact remained that the guy\u2019s name had been called as Prom King and he\u2019d run out to claim his crown, leaving Dean alone in the bathroom.

He stepped into the party, scanning the room and spotting Lucifer chatting with Lilith. It looked like he was drinking more punch. Dean was a hundred percent certain that the punch at Prom had been spiked, but it Lucifer could stand to loosen up a little.

Lucifer felt as though he were being watched, and when he looked up he saw Dean watching him. He flushed lightly at the look in the other man\u2019s eyes - he\u2019d never seen him look so.. predatory<\/i>. A moment later Dean was pushing him back against a wall, just firmly enough that he couldn\u2019t move, though not so hard that it hurt.

\u201cI believe you made me a promise,\u201d Dean growled and Lucifer couldn\u2019t help but notice that he sounded a bit like Batman when he did that.

He shivered involuntarily at the look on Dean\u2019s face and nodded. \u201cI did.\u201d

A smirk unfurled on Dean\u2019s face and he dragged Lucifer to the nearest empty bedroom. Once they were alone and away from prying eyes, he pressed the other man back against a wall, and kissed him hard.

Lucifer gave a small gasp of shock, trying to catch up and Dean took the opening as an invitation. He deepened the kiss, pressing against Lucifer with his whole body and stealing Lucifer\u2019s breath in the process.

Hands and lips were everywhere as they stripped each other bare. Lucifer hesitated only twice but Dean brought his focus back to him<\/i> with a searing kiss each time.

When he had Lucifer bared before him, Dean took a moment to appreciate that he was about to deflower the vice president of the Celibacy Club - the resident do-gooder of the school. It made him smirk and he watched as Lucifer flushed under his attention. It was only when Luci whimpered that Dean relented, pushing him back on the bed.

\u201cGonna make you feel so good, Luci.\u201d

Lucifer propped himself up on his elbows and watched in awe as Dean nipped and sucked his way down his torso. Realizing what Dean intended to do, he spoke up.

\u201cYou don\u2019t need to..\u201d

\u201cYour first time, right?\u201d Dean asked, interrupting and looking up at Lucifer who flushed but nodded.

\u201cThen let me show you how good it can be,\u201d Dean insisted, dropping his head and licking a long wet stripe along the underside of Lucifer\u2019s cock.

Lucifer shuddered and dropped his head back, straining to keep from arching into Dean\u2019s mouth as the wet heat engulfed him. He struggled to breathe and maintain any sort of control.

\u201cDean,\u201d he whimpered, gasping in shock as a finger started to press into him.

\u201cShh, Luce. Gonna feel so good. Just relax,\u201d Dean murmured, a look of quiet intensity on his features.

It shouldn\u2019t have been enough to ease his fears, but somehow it was and Lucifer gave in to it. He surrendered quietly to the intense sensations that threatened to overwhelm him, every argument against this driven from his mind.

Dean bit his tongue to keep from groaning at the sight before him. Lucifer was spread out in front of him like a dessert buffet of pies, flushed and writhing for more under Dean\u2019s fingers. It was heady to know that he was first<\/i> and he was damn well determined to sear it into Lucifer\u2019s memory. He slowly stretched Lucifer open, trying desperately to rein in the urge to simply lube up and press into the other man.

Lucifer keened beneath him and Dean found his resolve crumble, he was only human, after all, and besides all of that - he was horny<\/i>.

He crawled up to kiss Lucifer fiercely before lubing himself up and positioning himself at Luci\u2019s entrance.

\u201cMight hurt,\u201d he mumbled, but Lucifer only nodded.

Dean pressed in with aching slowness and it wasn\u2019t long before Lucifer was trying to push himself onto him farther.

\u201cLucifer, I swear to God,\u201d Dean growled, sheathed to the hilt in the other man. \u201cIf you don\u2019t stop moving right now, this will be over very quickly.\u201d

Lucifer took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay still. His patience was rewarded as Dean began to move within him.

\u201cOh, bloody hell,\u201d Luce groaned, unable to stop arching to meet Dean with every thrust.

\u201cYou\u2019re so fucking tight, Lucifer,\u201d Dean responded, tangling a hand in the other man\u2019s hair. \u201cYou don\u2019t even know how good you look right now.\u201d

The hand in his hair made Lucifer shudder, arching once more and bringing a hand to stroke his cock. The sight of Lucifer completely blissed out like this was too much for Dean to handle, and he climaxed with a shout. He somehow managed to thrust through it, bringing his hand to take over stroking Luci to climax. He was rewarded almost immediately; Lucifer arched up off the bed and came with a whimper of relief.

After a moment Dean dug around by the bed, finally finding a box of Kleenex. The two of them set about cleaning themselves off, not saying anything to each other.

When they\u2019d dressed again, Lucifer turned awkwardly to Dean. He\u2019d had such firm ideas about his first time - this hadn\u2019t exactly been it, and yet he couldn\u2019t regret it. He raked a hand through his hair.

\u201cI guess,\u2019 he began, only to be cut off by a searing kiss from Dean that left him breathless again.

\u201cIt was good, Luce. No regrets.\u201d

And with that promise hanging between the two of them - experienced and recently deflowered - they walked out the door hand in hand."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:123102","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/123102.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=123102"}}],"title":"So, after sitting on this nearly a year...","published":"2010-08-28T05:35:12Z","updated":"2010-08-29T03:50:52Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"nicole is wibbly"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"i regret nothing!"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"nicole is thinking thinky thoughts"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"thoughts"}}],"content":"I've decided that it's time to post something from an email I sent. The scenario is this: the guy who was our speaker at camp last summer is a friend of mine on facebook. After a particularly intense discussion about GLBT rights, he made a comment that.. well it was too much. I have a large *large* number of friends who are gay and who are Christian, and to have them compared to child molesters and serial killers on my wall was... horrifying.

The following is a letter that I wrote him in response to a standard 'I'm worried about your soul\/interpretation' email that I received from him. His name will only be referenced as A from now on. I may edit a little for clarity, but for the most part this is a direct response to him.



A.

First of all, I want to be very clear: I didn't delete your comment due to the challenges and questions you raised. I had no problem with the majority of your comment; it's things that conservative Christianity teaches and I respect that that is where you're coming from (eta: I grew up learning\/believing the same things without question, so I understand it, even if I no longer agree). What I *did* have a problem with was the fact that you compared GLBT people with child molesters and serial killers. So, that is why your comment was deleted.

Now then, to your email.

You said that you see Christendom as being apathetic and placid on this issue. I have looked and seen the opposite. In actuality, the fact that we are discussing this at all shows how not apathetic I truly am when it comes to this. The mere fact of disagreement does not placid apathy make. I see a great deal more apathy with regard to poverty and suffering and hunger all over the world -- out of sight out of mind, in a lot of ways. But that is a completely different discussion.

That being said, my comments regarding bible college were simply to say that 'I know where you're coming from'. I know what is taught at the majority of conservative Bible Colleges, and I understand that viewpoint. I disagree with it, but I understand. It was also to draw attention to the fact that I have studied this far beyond what has been taught in classes, and have come to different conclusions.

You bring up Sodom and Gomorrah, which is interesting, to me. When I read that story in Genesis I see the townsmen, *all* of them, gathering outside Lot's house and demanding to be allowed to rape the strangers. Lot offers his daughters instead, which brings on a whole different aspect with regard to women's role in life, but the strangers\/messengers blind the men and take Lot and his family to safety. (eta: Some day I'd love to go more in-depth into that, but this is neither the time nor place for it)

So why was Sodom destroyed? Well, if you only read that section of Genesis, you see that oh, well it says that they were evil and wanted to rape in a homosexual manner. That, to most of Christendom, seems to mean that homosexuality is evil.

However, when I read farther, such as Ezekiel 16:49-50, I found that it says: \"This is the inequity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. They were haughty and did abominable things before me; therefore I removed them when I saw it.\"

Jeremiah also talks about Sodom in chapter 23 verses 13-14: \"In the prophets of Samaria I saw a disgusting thing: they prophesied by Baal and led my people Israel astray. But in the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen a more shocking thing: they commit adultery and walk in lies; they strengthen the hands of evildoers so that no one turns from wickedness; all of them have become like Sodom to me, and its inhabitants like Gomorrah.\"

Jesus, when he speaks of Sodom and Gomorrah always talks of hospitality and respect for people, saying that to those who are not hospitable or are abusive of power it will be even worse for them than for Sodom on the day of judgment. (Matthew 10: 11-15, Matthew 11:20-24, Mark 6:10-11, Luke 10:1-12, Luke 17:28-33).

Then the apostles get in on the action, which you bring up by mentioning Romans 1, which I'll get to in a bit.

Peter talks about Sodom in his discussion of false prophets, (2 Peter 2). He calls these prophets adulterers and seducers.

Jude speaks of Sodom as seeking after strange flesh and giving themselves over to fornication.
Revelations is where the final mention of Sodom comes, and it speaks only of a city \"called Sodom and Egypt, where also their Lord was crucified.\" Now Revelations is far too weighty to delve into now, so I'm not going to do it, because there is much more I want to say.

You mentioned that Jesus is the same God in the Hebrew Scriptures and in the New Testament, and that may be true. However, surely you will admit that God has drastically changed how he relates to us, and because of this, how we are to relate to each other. There is a new covenant, and that is apparent when you compare the way God was revealed to us through Christ and the way God was revealed in the Hebrew Scriptures. The revelation of God in the Hebrew texts show God to be primarily concerned with the purity of his people and the righteousness with which they conduct their lives. They accomplished this righteousness and purity through ceremonial purification (through laws), behaving righteously in social situations (also in the laws) and in relation to nature (laws). The focus was on the purity of one single, strictly defined social group: Jews.

Any mixing between the pure and righteous (Jews) with the impure and unrighteous (everyone else) was strictly prohibited. This was a culture that was wholly and unequivocally internally motivated. You were to love your neighbour... but only as long as your neighbour was a Jew. You yourself acknowledged that God 'decreed' death. Of course, we look at it as more than that now and acknowledge it as genocide, committed in the name of purity and power for the Jewish people.

Then Jesus comes along and reverses that. He turns it all completely on its head. So, while purity and righteousness are still important today, (as you said, God doesn't change) now we are purified through the Love of Christ, and made righteous by love through Christ. We may still be under law, but it is the new law of Christ which is the law of love. (Matthew 22:34-40) We are no longer to segregate ourselves, as surely that would be very unChrist-like. Our purity does not depend upon how we wash our hands, or the manner in which we wear our clothes - it depends solely upon our love for others, and our righteousness upon how we express that love. Christ reverses the commands so that they no longer say \"do not mingle with those who are sinners\". He says \"Go live with those who are sinning. While with them, love them.\" Christ doesn't say \"hey, you see Sodom over there? Go destroy it.\" Instead, he says \"Go. Love them, and through that love, show them the Love of God. Speak their language and tell them the goodness that I have brought to the earth.\"

Christ never condemned the lost, never condemned the 'usual suspects' of the day, (the robbers, liars, prostitutes); the people he does condemn are the self-infatuated religious teachers who condemned everyone else for being impure. This is not Christ accepting certain kinds of sin, it is him appealing to save the lost, rather than condemn them. It's not about the \"sins\" you accept, but *who* you accept. (eta: he accused me of accepting\/picking and choosing what kinds of sin I 'allowed)

You bring up appealing to Scripture as the basis for our stance on any and all political issues. I agree with you in spirit, if not entirely in methodology. Allow me to explain. Feelings, emotions, actions and attitudes of love, human decency and respect do not originate out of a compilation of letters - these are qualities of humanness that are instilled in us by God, alive in the \"image of God\". There have always been respectful, humanly decent and loving people around the globe, and there still are, many of whom are not Christians or have even read the bible. In fact, throughout most of history, most Christians hadn't read the Bible.

In my opinion, morality is not, can not be, created by a book - if that is the case then people respect the book rather than the spirit and the 'law' itself. Truth and goodness come from God, and is present in anything that was shaped by that good hand. Of course that includes the Bible, but it also includes all that has been made, as Romans 1:19-20 reminds us. It is easy to turn the bible into an idol, and I think that it happens far more often than we might like to admit. Some people treat the bible as if *it* is God's presence on earth, but it is not - it cannot be.

Christ is God's presence on earth and Christ is alive in us. The first Christians did not even have the bible as we know it today, they didn't have the ability to go to that and apply it to every aspect of their lives. Instead they had the Spirit of God. The Living word of God, that double edged sword, is not the Bible. Instead, that Living Word is Christ, and if Christ is alive in you, you don't need a book to hear him speaking. The Spirit that dwells within has a purpose, which isn't to keep us company until we die. Paul reminds us that we are now servants of a new covenant, which is not of the letter, but of the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:5-6)

When we put our faith into an inanimate book rather than in the animated, ever-present Spirit of God\/Christ, we are in danger of being 'killed' by the letter. The bible is, of course, a good place to turn to for answers, but there is still a higher source, which is God. In the beginning years of the Christian movement, this was understood, and acted upon appropriately, such as when they decided that circumcision was no longer necessary to join into covenant with God. Or when it was revealed to Peter that what God has cleaned is no longer considered unholy. These things weren't learned from a bible, but from God in the form of vision, revelation and communal decision making made by those aligned with Christ.

(eta; this is where it gets a little personal for me...)
I don't imagine that you have met very many gay people, let alone GLBT Christians, but I have. I have heard their stories, their struggles, and have seen their love and compassion and heart for God. I also have learned, through their stories, that their attractions are absolutely not something that they chose. This makes perfect sense to me, as I certainly didn't choose who *I* was attracted to, ever! (I have had more than one occasion in my life in which I would have greatly preferred to be able to pick and choose my attractions.)

To me, it is an ignorant statement to say that \"the decision to be a sodomite\/lesbian\" and thereby say \"They are not born like that\". Every study of brain chemistry and social circumstances, as well as rational thinking suggests otherwise. (eta: the more I think on this the more I feel that such a choice wouldn't be so horrible either, but in my experience and understanding it is not) The studies concerning social circumstances and brain chemistry are clear and need no explanation.

Thinking rationally, it comes again to what I spoke of - you cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone that you are not attracted to. Attraction is an instinctual response, like breathing. You can push it aside, but it is clear that it is not a decision that you make, it is something that happens *to* you. It is like fear - you don't decide to be afraid, fear jumps on you from behind without you realizing it. What about those folks who resort to suicide because they can't deal with the ridicule, harassment, condemnation and abandonment that they face due to their sexual identity. If it is actually a choice, why don't they just choose not to be gay, rather than killing themselves?

In reality, every single gay Christian I have ever talked to *has* tried to change. They have gone the ex-gay route. They have prayed. Many have tried to date heterosexually. But it doesn't work that way. No one would willingly enter into a life where automatic suffering and alienation is drenched upon them, to believe that they do is, well to be blunt, naive and insensitive.

Because you said to take a gander through Leviticus 18, I did some extra searching. This is what I found.

\"Only one law in Leviticus relates to homosexuality, the prohibition given in 18:22 with the punishment added in 20:13. Lev 20:13 reads: \"If a man [ish] \u2026 lie with mankind [zakhar, NASB: 'a male'], as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination [to'ebhah, NASB: 'detestable act']; they shall surely be put to death\u2026\"

The death penalty was widely used as a deterrent in ancient times (prisons being rare) and was applied even to cursing a parent (Lev 20:9), adultery (20:10) and blasphemy (24:16). Since Lev 18:22\/20:13 is the only place in the KJV where zakhar is (peculiarly) translated as \"mankind,\" the term \"male\" used elsewhere (e.g. Lev 6:29, 22:19) is clearer and preferable. The fact that we find two different Hebrew words used here for a male (ish and zakhar) suggests that this may not be simply about an ordinary man (ish) having sex with another ordinary man.

But what is meant here? A study of all of the (rare) uses of the word zakhar (\"male\") in the OT reveals that in 90% of the cases it apparently was applied to a man or male animal specially dedicated to a deity for some sacred function. Zakhar was applied, for example, to Israelite priests, sacrificial animals, circumcised men, Israelite men given various sacred duties, and (in some cases) to persons who were dedicated to pagan gods.

In fact, could Lev 18:22\/20:13 fall into this last category, forbidding Israelite men to visit the male prostitutes dedicated to serving the Canaanite deities? One might also note that \"abomination\" (to'ebhah) frequently was applied to things that related to idolatry (cf. Deut 7:25-26), which, of course, would be most offensive to the Lord God. That idolatry was of concern in Leviticus 18-20 is shown in 19:4, where the Lord says, \"Turn ye not unto idols, nor make to yourselves molten gods: I am the Lord [Yahweh] your God.\" \" source: (http:\/\/epistle.us\/hbarticles\/clobber1.html<\/a>)\"

The stories of the Bible that concern homosexuality, when looked at carefully, seem to refer to one of two things: One is temple prostitutes or slave boys kept for sexual pleasure (an abuse of power, not at all like a loving, committed relationship) and the second is rape that happens to be homosexual in nature.

I think it is quite callous to look at those stories and say \"oh my! This is a story about violent RAPE of a homosexual nature. Ban homosexuality!\" And at the same time turn a blind eye to the rape of women in the text as well - We don't use those stories to ban heterosexuality. In fact, in some cases, women were forced to marry the man who raped them!

Rape, murder, and child molestation can not be drawn as parallels to homosexuality in and of itself. Rape, murder and child molestation are committed in violence. They are extreme violations against the life of the victim and they are about *power* rather than anything else. They are the ugliest manifestations of arrogance, selfishness and hate. In these things there is no such thing as goodness or love. There is no reciprocation, no caring environment in which could be felt safety or even humanity. Not even animals engage in such a brutal and soul-crushing activity.

In a stark contrast to that, I fail to see who the victims are in loving, committed homosexual relationships. It is interesting to note, however, that homosexuality is found in nature - thus providing more evidence of its reality of not being a choice, for animals cannot choose to operate outside of instinctual patterns.

The most important thing that I can point out to you, I think, is this: Homosexual relationships are not all about sex, just like heterosexual relationships are not just about sex. To call it a homosexual 'lifestyle' is silly, as no two people are alike. You never hear of a 'heterosexual lifestyle' for good reason. *Relationships* become less and less about sex as they evolve and grow. They are about commitment, faithfulness, companionship and mutual respect. They are about exactly the same things as heterosexual relationships (whatever those things are....)

I would not argue with you on these points if the sex were the only thing that you saw a problem with. A number of gay Christians themselves feel that, because they are attracted to the same gender, they are called to celibacy. I respect that as much as I respect those who want unions that receive the same rights as I do.

(eta: and here's what it comes down to for me)

I have said all along that I may be wrong. I am willing to admit that there is a chance that my interpretation, study and deep passion for this issue is false. But to be quite frank with you - if God looks at me on that final day and says \"Nicole, you were wrong.\" I will have to reply that I do not regret it. I don't believe that I ever will regret it, and I do not believe that people are inherently damned for something that they cannot control, something that they *were* born with. I do not believe that I will regret supporting people who seek companionship and love. Isaiah says that God has known our inmost being since before we were created -- why then would he, who created humanity to love and to love Him in return, turn around and create people just so he could despise them and condemn them to Hell or even to a lifetime of loneliness and despair?

You say 'thank God' that that man's family (because his partner *was* his family.) got no benefits and was not acknowledged by the state. I do not think that He was responsible for that. I think human blindness, pride, self-righteousness and fear was. (eta: this whole conversation was sparked by a police officer in the US being killed in the line of duty and his partner of over 20 years receiving no benefits or even visiting rights, if I'm remembering correctly)

As to my definition of love, it is this: Love is patient, love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. It never ends.

Love is feeding those who are hungry, clothing those who are in need. It is caring for the poor, the oppressed. It is visiting those in prison. It is sitting by the side of someone who is ill. It is standing beside those who cannot stand by themselves. It is ever changing, but ever constant.

I pray that if you ever get the chance to sit and speak with a gay christian that you will listen - just listen to their story. Hear their struggles and their pain. I speak from an outsiders point of view on all of this; I don't know and I can't know intimately how things feel. But I know many people who do know all too well what the struggles and pain are, and they have shared it with me. I cannot sit idly by, I cannot remain apathetic to them.

With respect,

Nicole


for anyone who's interested, where I turned when I was seeking to learn more is here:

GCN<\/a>

Most specifically, an author and pastor I respect deeply, and his wife, can be heard speaking on this topic here<\/a> Tony Campolo is the only pastor in the states who is for sure and definitely *not* a heretic (yes, he had a trial and yes this amuses me.)


<\/a>

This got long and yet.

I don't know where I stand with my thoughts half the time any more, with God and Christianity. But i believe in love, and all of this still feels very relevant to me.

I hope someone gets something out of it - I never heard back from A."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:122150","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/122150.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=122150"}}],"title":"meme!","published":"2010-08-06T18:21:13Z","updated":"2010-08-06T18:21:21Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"meme"}},"content":"I<\/font>'<\/font>v<\/font>e<\/font> a<\/font>l<\/font>w<\/font>a<\/font>y<\/font>s<\/font> w<\/font>a<\/font>n<\/font>t<\/font>e<\/font>d<\/font> t<\/font>o<\/font> t<\/font>e<\/font>l<\/font>l<\/font> Y<\/font>O<\/font>U<\/font>!<\/i><\/font><\/font><\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:121369","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/121369.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=121369"}}],"title":"Um. This is v. NC-17","published":"2010-07-22T09:00:20Z","updated":"2010-07-22T09:02:24Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer owns everyones base"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"sam winchester"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer and gabe are bffs"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}}],"content":"Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: um, Gabriel\/Sam\/Lucifer
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1220
Summary: Sam thinks the apocalypse was his fault. But hell hasn't exactly been punishing him<\/i>, either.
Warnings: spanking, double penetration, idek how to do this whole warning thing properly.



It had been four days, by Sam\u2019s count. Four days since he\u2019d overcome Lucifer, opened the cage and jumped in for the good of the world - for the good of his brother.

Michael had managed to grab hold of a higher level, running to the farthest reaches from the pit in hell. It hadn\u2019t been made for him, and so it let him pass more or less unhindered.

Lucifer and Sam, however, it held. Sam shook his head at that. Once they had landed there had been a few surprises. The first had been that Lucifer had expelled himself from Sam, during their fall, taking the form of his earlier vessel. The second was that when they had landed, Lucifer breaking Sam\u2019s fall, someone Sam already knew was waiting for them.

\u201cHeya Jolly Green,\u201d Gabriel said, before turning and looking at Lucifer in askance. \u201cYou came?\u201d he murmured, and Lucifer smiled.

\u201cYou were here,\u201d he responded softly.

Sam had ended up being ignored after that. He had also seen the angels do things that he was quite certain he would never be able to erase from his memory. He\u2019d be lying if he said he hadn\u2019t gotten off on their shenanigans a few times himself, but no one outside of this cage ever needed to know that.

So he\u2019d gotten used to being ignored. Until day Four.

Apparently all caught up with each other, though Sam doubted they were ever sated<\/i>, he found himself<\/i> the object of their gazes.

\u201cWhat?\u201d he snapped at last.

\u201cOh, that was rude,\u201d Gabriel said, shaking his head as though he was disappointed. \u201cI\u2019d give five for that.\u201d

\u201cAnother fifteen for jumping into the pit,\u201d Lucifer added.

\u201cFive for getting me killed?\u201d Gabe asked and Lucifer shook his head.

\u201cAt least ten for that, I think.\u201d

Sam sat up a little straighter, indignant to the core. \u201cHow, exactly, did I<\/i> get you killed?\u201d he protested.

\u201cLip, that was. He just gave me lip!\u201d Gabe exclaimed.

\u201cRight, nother five for that, I think. Total of thirty five to start then,\u201d Lucifer said, smiling at Sam. The smirk was at once terrifying and erotic, and Sam shivered with anticipation.

\u201cThirty five, what<\/i>?\u201d he asked, gasping in shock as Lucifer responded by pulling him over his knee like he weighed nothing.

\u201cStrokes in your spanking, of course,\u201d Lucifer crooned into Sam\u2019s ear, making his head jerk up in surprise.

He met Gabe\u2019s eyes and watched the Archangel settle himself for the long haul, eyes firmly fixed on Sam and Lucifer.

\u201cYes, sir,\u201d Sam said quietly, bowing his head as the submissive words escaped him. How the hell did they <\/i>know?<\/i> he wondered briefly, but all thoughts escaped him as Lucifer slid his pants off of him, letting them pool around his ankles.

The Devil caressed Sam\u2019s bared ass soothingly for a moment, leaning down to murmur in his ear.

\u201cYou count,\u201d he said to Sam. \u201cIf you falter? We start over.\u201d

Sam fairly whimpered in anticipation, jumping slightly as the first few blows fell, hard and evenly paced.

\u201cOne, two, t-three, four, five, sir.\u201d

Lucifer smirked at Gabe over Sam\u2019s head, dealing another ten smacks in quick succession. He rubbed soothing circles into Sam\u2019s heated skin as the human counted to fifteen, breathy gasps between each number.

When Sam pushed against his leg, as if trying to find friction, Lucifer laughed outright.

\u201cOh dear, you really do<\/i> enjoy being spanked, don\u2019t you?\u201d

And how was he to explain that? Sam tried to find words, attempting to still himself and breath evenly. He\u2019d done so much wrong<\/i>. And even being in Hell - there\u2019d been no punishment for him, not really. Not like he\u2019d expected. Not like he needed.

\u201cI see,\u201d Lucifer said, and Sam thought that maybe he did<\/i> as the fallen angel increased the force of his blows, making him whimper.

There were tears springing to his eyes, but Sam blinked them away, the pain starting to give away to pleasure alone for the last ten. By the time \u201cthirty five\u201d left his lips, Sam was desperate for release.

\u201cPlease sir,\u201d he begged, and Lucifer smirked at Gabe, who was busy palming himself through his pants.

\u201cPlease what?\u201d Lucifer asked, making Sam whimper and grind down against his leg.

\u201cPlease may I come?\u201d

The question earned a groan from Gabe and Lucifer smirked, snapping his fingers and producing some sort of lubricant. He slicked his fingers and slowly began to fuck one into the writhing man on his lap.

\u201cI think, Samuel, that I will let Gabe fuck you first. Like this, with you sprawled over my lap.\u201d

Both Sam and Gabe moaned at that, and Sam nodded, bucking back against Lucifer\u2019s finger.

\u201cPlease Gabriel,\u201d the hunter begged, looking up at the other angel.

Gabe was there in an instant, two of his fingers sliding into Sam alongside Lucifer\u2019s and Sam began to beg for more.

\u201cPlease. I need. Gabriel. Please!<\/i>\u201d

Gabriel groaned as he stripped and pressed up against Sam\u2019s well lubricated ass.

\u201cI love it when they beg for it,\u201d he said to Lucifer before pushing into Sam with one steady thrust.

Sam moaned as Gabe thrust into him, Lucifer leaning down and speaking all manner of lewd things in his ear.

\u201cLook at you, your ass red and burning from a spanking. You\u2019re writhing around on my lap for Gabe\u2019s cock like you just can\u2019t get enough of it.\u201d

Sam whimpered at Lucifer\u2019s words, and suddenly even this didn\u2019t seem like enough.

\u201cPlease, sir,\u201d he murmured and Lucifer arched an eyebrow.

\u201cPlease what?\u201d

\u201cPlease fuck me too, Sir.\u201d

They were on a bed a second later, Gabe reclining against a mass of pillows, with Sam on top of him, clinging to the Archangel as if he were a lifeline.

He whimpered as he felt Lucifer\u2019s tongue swirl around and beside Gabe\u2019s cock where it entered Sam, and he nearly came right then.

\u201cNot yet, Jolly Green,\u201d Gabe warned, and Sam nodded in understanding, biting his lip.

A moment later, Lucifer was sliding a finger in next to Gabe, who gave a low growl at the sensation. As they stretched Sam, Gabe pulled the man forward and kissed him soundly.

\u201cWanna be good,\u201d Sam whispered brokenly as Lucifer finally pressed himself in too - cock sliding next to Gabe\u2019s and stealing a moan from all three of them.

\u201cYou are<\/i> good, Sam,\u201d Lucifer said, sheathed to the hilt.

\u201cThe apocalypse wasn\u2019t your fault, Sam,\u201d Gabe added, beginning to thrust into Sam, Lucifer following the pace that his brother set.

\u201cIt just is what it is,\u201d Lucifer managed.

\u201cAnd what it is it is,\u201d Gabe finished, biting down on Sam\u2019s collarbone as his climax built.

\u201cAnd you are good<\/i>,\u201d Lucifer said finally as Gabe came with a shudder. \u201cNow come<\/i>.\u201d

Sam\u2019s obedience was immediate and all-consuming. The strength of his climax milked one out of Lucifer, and the three of them collapsed together in a heap.

\u201cYou say I\u2019m good,\u201d Sam said lazily later as the angels sat coiled around each other. \u201cBut I think that if being bad ends that way - I may have just been converted.\u201d"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:119605","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/119605.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=119605"}}],"title":"Birds of a Feather","published":"2010-06-23T21:30:43Z","updated":"2010-06-23T21:31:06Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"music"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lady gaga is amazing"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hey soul sister"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"summertime"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"mumford and sons"}}],"content":"




The method to this madness is as follows:

a. These are songs that make me think they'd be good for hanging out in hot summer days.

b. There are two songs from each of the chosen artists!

Each song is available for download individually in this folder<\/a>

If It's Love by Train

And if I'm addicted to loving you,
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather, that flock together,
love. love, got to have something to keep us together, love love<\/i>

Hello Goodbye by The Beatles

You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello <\/i>

Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up<\/i>

Songbird by Oasis

A man can never dream these kind of things
Especially when she came and spread her wings
Whisper in my ear the things I'd like
Then she flew away into the night
Gonna write a song so she can see
Give her all the love she gives to me
Talk of better days that have yet to come
Never felt this love from anyone<\/i>

You And Your Heart by Jack Johnson

But you and your heart
Shouldn't feel so far apart
You can choose what you take
Why you gotta break and make it feel so hard
Oh and you and your heart
Shouldn't anekatips feel so far apart
You can choose what you take
Why you gotta break and make it feel so hard<\/i>

Take It From Me by The Weepies

What can I compare you to, a favorite pair of shoes?
Maybe my bright red boots if they had wings
Funny how we animate colorful objects saved
Funny how it's hard to take a love with no sting.

But come on take it, come on take it, take it from me
But come on take it, come on take it, take it from me (we`ve got a good life).<\/i>

The Calculation by Regina Spektor

So we made our own computer out of macaroni pieces
And it did our thinking while we lived our lives
It counted up our feelings
And divided them up even
And it called that calculation perfect love

Didn't even know that love was bigger
Didn't even know
That love was so, so
Hey Hey Hey

Hey this fire it's burnin'
Burnin' us up<\/i>

Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson

So come on get higher, loosen my lips,
Faith and desire, and the swing of your hips
So pull me down hard and drown me in love<\/i>

Good Gone Girl by Mika

Should have gone straight to the last
Danced with the devil do your best
Play the wounded soldier
In a rush just to get to know ya

Hanging out in the fancy bars
With the boys who play guitar
Though that I had to warn ya
She's gonna make it out to California

Hey you, what's a good girl like you doing in this crazy world?
Well it's good gone girl
Dance, dance, to the life you wanted
When you were only 17
With a good girl dream<\/i>


Gotta Have You by The Weepies

The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune... <\/i>

In The Sun by She and Him

Woah-oh-oh
(Well alright)
It's okay
(It's okay)

We all get the slip sometimes everyday
I'll just keep it to myself in the sun, in the sun<\/i>

The Man Who Isn't There by Oren Lavie

Look at the birds
used to flock as he walked
through the street
used to fly down
and march at his feet <\/i>

Shiver by Maroon 5

There may not
Be another way to your heart
So I guess I\u2019d better find a new way in
I shiver when I hear your name
Think about you but it\u2019s not the same
I won\u2019t be satisfied I\u2019m under your skin<\/i>


Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) by Lady Gaga

I have a something that I love long, long,
But my friends keep on telling me there's something wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say<\/i>

When I Look Up by Jack Johnson

When I look up at the stars
As I walk in the night
Down the street by my house
It Feels good

When I look up at the stars
As I walk in the night
Down the street by my house
It Feels good<\/i>

Roll Away Your Stone by Mumford and Sons

It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But you say that\u2019s exactly how this grace thing works
It\u2019s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart

Darkness is a harsh term don\u2019t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see<\/i>

The Sun by Maroon 5

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun<\/i>


I Was Made For You by She and Him

When I saw you smile
I saw a dream come true
So I asked you, maybe
Baby whatcha gonna do?

'Cause I have been waitin' for a long, long time
For a boy like you
I won't be waitin' any more cause I know
Baby, baby
I was made for you <\/i>

Good Day Sunshine by The Beatles


I need to laugh, and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about
I feel good, in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine <\/i>

Teeth by Lady Gaga

Tell me something that'll change me,
I'm gonna love you with my hands tied<\/i>

Detroit Waves by Matt Nathanson

some, would let it go to start again
knowing now how all our best intentions never lit the world on fire
lights, illuminate the exit signs
and over the wings the skies an open endless sea, crowding up surrounding me

and all, of Detroit waves
goodnight
spread out
beneath
me now
if I could, if I could stay
believe me
I would (I would)<\/i>

She Is Love by Oasis

Oh when the sunshine beckons to ya
And your wings begin to unfold
The thoughts you bring and the songs you sing
Are gonna keep me from the cold

And if the sword is among ya
And it\u2019s words may wound my soul
You can fill me up with what you\u2019ve got
Cos my heart\u2019s been keeping old
<\/i>

Folding Chair by Regina Spektor

Maybe one day you will understand
I don\u2019t want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand
Till that day just please don\u2019t be so down
Don\u2019t make frowns, you silly clown

Just come and open up your folding chair next to me
My feet are buried in the sand and there\u2019s a breeze
There\u2019s a shadow, you can\u2019t see my eyes
And the waves are just a wetter version of the skies<\/i>

Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har, har har, har har<\/i>

Lover Boy by Mika

Isn\u2019t it enough, isn\u2019t it enough just to feel wild and free?
Caught up in the rough, caught up in the rough of life, looking at me
You think you're in love, boy
But you don't really know what love is
You think you're in love, girl
But honey let me show you where you're heart is<\/i>


Hey Soul Sister by Train

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me
You gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny
I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna, and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!<\/i><\/center>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:118747","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/118747.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=118747"}}],"title":"story for the sam to my luci","published":"2010-06-11T07:55:57Z","updated":"2010-06-11T07:56:07Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"sam and dean"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}}],"content":"Title\/Prompt:<\/b> Broken
Pairing<\/b> Sam\/Lucifer
Rating<\/b> PG-13 for themes
Word Count<\/b> 820
Author's note<\/b> Written for <\/a>queen_insane<\/b><\/a><\/span> because a. she prompted me, and b. she is just getting home from being in Europe way too long for my liking.

It is two months, three days, seven hours and twelve minutes from when Lucifer first appears to Sam in his dreams until the moment Sam says yes to the Morningstar.

At first Sam spends his time attempting to keep from falling asleep, but after a week, he can't help it any more. Lucifer becomes a constant companion, of sorts, always there when Sam closes his eyes.

He doesn't push after the first night, though, which surprises Sam. He gets used to the quiet interactions in his dreams - Lucifer settled on the bed beside him, talking calmly and soothingly about what life has been like for him. Sam tries to avoid interest, but the stories capture him anyhow, and he finds that he almost understands<\/i>.


A month into their interactions<\/i>, something changes. Lucifer appears, but he is not speaking of his own life, he is speaking of Sam's. He begins with small things, things that Sam barely recalls about his childhood. Moments when he feared for his dad. Hours waiting in hotel rooms for Dean to come back.

The time he ran away, and found a dog. The first time he kissed Jessica.

Lucifer paints the pictures so perfectly, weaving the colour of memory with that heartfelt brush of desire, and Sam hates that he yearns towards what the Morningstar says. Hates that he yearns toward Lucifer himself.

Every night becomes the same, Lucifer slips onto the bed and breaks Sam's heart a little more, reminding him of all the times he ran to... something<\/i>. Ran to him<\/i>.

One night he is drunk when he falls into bed, and something in him snaps<\/i> as Lucifer speaks of Jessica.

\"What do you know<\/i>?\" he yells, flailing wildly at the angel. He feels so torn apart inside, and Dean hasn't answered any of his calls, and he is scared<\/i> because he actually is starting to like<\/i> having Lucifer mind stalk him.

\"I know that you miss your brother,\" Lucifer says quietly.

Sam chokes back a sob.

\"And I know that you want me here, because while I am not him<\/i>, I am here,\" the angel says, stepping closer and touching Sam's cheek lightly. \"I am here, and I will not leave unless you demand it of me. Even then, I'll come back when you call,\" he says, half a threat and half a promise, and Sam doesn't know which part he fears more.

\"Leave,\" Sam says brokenly. \"Please.\"

When he turns around, Lucifer is gone.

He sleeps without interruption for a week. He calls Dean daily, leaving messages each time. One day he doesn't get the voice mail message at all - instead of Dean's voice, it is a woman telling him that the number he has dialled is no longer in service.

Lucifer comes that night, though something is different. He simply stands there, waiting for something.

Sam knows what Lucifer is waiting for, and he gives it. His fury is unleashed and he is lashing out at the angel with fists and feet. He calls Lucifer all sorts of names, and at some point the angel's face becomes Dean's and Sam doesn't even stop. He rails against the authority of his brother, the anger of his father. He swings his fists at the monster that he sees himself to be, and all the while, Lucifer takes it.

He stands there, letting Sam hit him, letting Sam see him as all those against whom he rages, and he doesn't move until Sam stops, sliding to the floor in exhausted tears.

That's when the Morningstar kneels next to Sam and asks him, for the first time since he first approached his vessel, \"Where are you?\"

The difference is that this time Sam answers, the words a broken sob as he presses his lips to Lucifer's.

He awakens to see Lucifer reclining on his bed.

\"You were weeping in your sleep, Samuel,\" the angel says, a statement that might have been out of concern, if there were any emotion behind it. \"You feel so deeply.\"

Sam tries to look away, but Lucifer has his chin between his thumb and forefinger and forces him to remain as he is.

\"I am here, Samuel. I promised I would come when you called me,\" he says, wiping a stray tear away with his thumb and licking the offending droplet away. \"How odd that your tears are sweet to me,\" he murmurs, and Samuel shudders at the inquisitive wonder that he hears in Lucifer's voice.

Sam watches the angel with wide eyes, and swallows audibly when Lucifer looks at him with a soft smile.

\"Samuel,\" he says quietly. \"I am asking for permission. All that anger... all that sorrow - I will protect you from all of it if you will let me.\"

Sam only hesitates for a moment before he gives his answer, and his mind is firmly upon Dean as he speaks.

\"Don't leave me. Ever.\"

Lucifer smiles and the world is engulfed in light."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:118325","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/118325.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=118325"}}],"title":"MORE TEAM FREE WILL FIC, FOR INK_MAID.","published":"2010-06-09T04:52:12Z","updated":"2010-06-09T04:52:31Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer and gabe are bffs"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"birthday"}}],"content":"

Dean had imagined what it might be like if Tessa, his favourite little reaper, were to show up again. He'd never admit it to Sam or their angels (who enjoyed being referred to as such far more than Dean had expected) but he even had a soundtrack<\/i> in his mind for the reunion.

He pictured her showing up to reap the soul of a ghost they'd just helped peacefully let go, and then, as Love Gun started to swell in the background, she would turn to him with a smile; a soft hello.

He'd step towards her, ignoring the look from Sam and, tangling a hand in her hair, he would kiss her.


What actually<\/i> happened was quite different.

One minute, Gabriel was sucking on a lollipop and smirking at Sam and Lucifer. The pair, while wrapped around each other, where happily entranced by the show the archangel was putting on.

That is they were<\/i> until a small brunette woman jumped on Gabe's back, locking him in a choke hold and making him drop the candy to the floor, where it stuck.

Lucifer was up and ready to blast her away in a heartbeat, and Dean suddenly realized that he was flinging<\/i> himself into the Devil's path.

\"Dean, move,\" Lucifer said, and Dean considered for a moment that this was possibly the most regard the fallen one has ever shown for him.

\"Don't hurt Tessa.\"

\"Tessa!?\" Gabe gasps, prying her off of him at last and holding her a ways away from himself. \"What about me, Dean? I'm hurt, I really am.\"

\"Put me down and come with me!\" Tessa said, flailing her arms futilely at the angel.

\"You didn't need to grab me by force if you wanted a little Gabriel magic,\" Gabe informed her. \"Pretty little thing like you only has to ask.\"

Dean would have punched the angel if Tessa hadn't been looking like she was about to murder Gabe herself.

\"I'm not here for... sex<\/i>,\" Tessa said, her hands on her hips as she was finally set on the ground. \"I'm here to reap<\/i> you. You cheated Death, and she doesn't like that sort of thing.\"

\"Cheated Death?\" Sam asked, confused.

Lucifer looked sheepish and Gabriel was laughing.

\"Tell Death she can take it up with our Father.\"

\"She can't find<\/i> your father. So she's taking you<\/i>,\" Tessa responded.

\"I can assure you that she's not,\" Lucifer said, in a tone of voice that made Sam shiver. Dean was about to ask Sam about it but he was distracted by the fact that the girl he'd had numerous fantasies had just been turned into a kitten.

\"Ha. Reap me now<\/i>,\" Gabe said.

His laughter became a yelp of pain as the kitten clawed his leg.

Cas scooped the little kitty up and deposited it into one of his pockets with a beaming smile.

\"I've always wanted a pet,\" he said as everyone blinked at him."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:117565","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/117565.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=117565"}}],"title":"OML. For crying out loud, self.","published":"2010-05-31T05:33:21Z","updated":"2010-05-31T05:34:00Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"meme"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot girl"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot boy"}}],"content":"I suck at doing this hot people meme! Sorry!




Regina Spektor...
\"\"

\"\"

and Bradley James. (bye Arthur, I'll miss you!)

\"\"

\"\" oooof those eyes.


<\/a>

Alright. Let's go again! Round 6

View Poll: round 6<\/a><\/div>\ufeff"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:116551","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/116551.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=116551"}}],"title":"Hot People Meme round five!","published":"2010-05-20T20:35:54Z","updated":"2010-05-20T20:36:44Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"meme"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot girl"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot boy"}}],"content":"Sadly, two more are eliminated, and we only had one (aweeeesome) picspam. Thanks to drama llamas attacking at <\/a>spn_treehouse<\/b><\/a><\/span> I could really use some pretty..... so let me see 'em!




I had to break ties in *both* categories. You guys, that's not fair!

\/grins\/

\"\"

\"\"

\"\"

\"\" (because Unicorns are ALWAYS relevant!)

<\/a>

View Poll: #1566993<\/a><\/div>\ufeff"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:116172","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/116172.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=116172"}}],"title":"hot people round four!","published":"2010-05-17T19:28:25Z","updated":"2010-05-17T19:29:37Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"meme"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot girl"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot boy"}}],"content":"Well, I let too many days go by without updating this... Sadly we have to let some people go (and I had to break a tie between Regina Spektor and Amanda Bynes. This was HARD, y'all.



Hairspray costars. :( Amanda Bynes was my first girl!crush. I really adore her. She's quirky and funny, and seems down to earth. I always thought that if we knew each other, we'd be friends.

\"\"

\"\"

And VERY sadly... James Marsden is out. (sorry <\/a>seegrim<\/b><\/a><\/span> and <\/a>carrie_leigh<\/b><\/a><\/span> ) This man is adorable, you guys. I'm very disappointed to see him go.

\"\"

\"\"

\"\"

<\/a>

And now for something completely different. No, not really.

View Poll: #1565587<\/a><\/div>\ufeff"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:115479","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/115479.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=115479"}}],"title":"Open for business","published":"2010-05-16T18:48:32Z","updated":"2010-05-16T18:48:40Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"sam and dean"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"community"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}}],"content":"<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:114803","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/114803.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=114803"}}],"title":"Round three of the hot people meme","published":"2010-05-14T20:55:39Z","updated":"2010-05-14T20:55:56Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"meme"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"poll"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot girl"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot boy"}}],"content":"To be honest folks, I.... don't know what to make of last night -- I'm just glad that it's not over for good, or I'd be sobbing like a baby and being mocked by my husband. look for that entry next year :D

So I'm outside in the sun, after mowing the lawn (well some of it.. i did the majority of it the other day) and I just closed the poll from round two.

Let me just say that I am hiiiighly disappointed in the lack of spam you guys. \/grin\/



Sadly, our resident Ghost girl has been voted off the island.

Have a mini picspam.

\"\"

and a big photo because gosh darn it her hair is *gorgeous*

\"\"

For the boys.....


Goodbye Alan. You will never not be sexy.


\"\"

and a video with his voice because let's face it. Alan Rickman's voice does really really nice things to people.



<\/a>

View Poll: Round 3<\/a><\/div>\ufeff

"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:114478","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/114478.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=114478"}}],"title":"Hot folks meme","published":"2010-05-13T17:51:33Z","updated":"2010-05-13T17:51:52Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"meme"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot girl"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot boy"}}],"content":"I dunno about you guys, but I need a little something to offset whatever is going to happen tonight....

So, continuing on with the meme!




Sadly, I had to let these two good looking people go, but I'll send them off with a mini picspam of their own:

Majandra Delfino

\"\"

\"\"

\"\"


and Orlando Bloom:

\"\"

\"\"

\"\"

<\/a>

Now for the new improved poll!

Vote for as many people as you want, spam with proof, and invite your friends to vote too!



View Poll: #1563861<\/a><\/div>\ufeff"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:114245","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/114245.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=114245"}}],"title":"Just for fun","published":"2010-05-11T22:41:56Z","updated":"2010-05-11T22:43:46Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"meme"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"poll"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot girl"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hot boy"}}],"content":"The Hotties Spam and Elimination Game.


The way this works is as follows. I am going to post a poll including my 10 fave guys and my 10 fave girls. You are all required to vote on your favorites and, if you are so inclined, spam me with photos of the same! The person from each with the least votes gets taken off, and we do it again :)

Fun, right?  also, this entry is public, so spam your friends to come vote too!

For this first time around, I'm gonna give you some photos of who's involved in my list:



For the girls:

Zooey Deschanel

\"\"

Amanda Bynes

\"\"

Lady Gaga

\"\"

Majandra Delfino

\"\"

Regina Spektor

\"\"

Alona Tal

\"\"

Angel Coulby

\"\"

Katie McGrath

\"\"

Karen Gillan

\"\"

Lenora Chrichlow

\"\"


The Guys

Jared Padalecki

\"\"

Misha Collins

\"\"

Matt Smith

\"\"

Alan Rickman

\"\"

Orlando Bloom

\"\"

Johnny Depp

\"\"

James Marsden

\"\"

NPH

\"\"

Matthew Gray Gubler

\"\"

Bradley James

\"\"

<\/a>

And now the poll! Vote for your faves!


View Poll: #1563125<\/a><\/div>\ufeff"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:113892","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/113892.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=113892"}}],"title":"the part where Castiel shows up","published":"2010-04-30T05:56:04Z","updated":"2010-04-30T05:58:54Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"sam and dean"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer and gabe are bffs"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"castiel"}}],"content":"

Things are settling into a rhythm. It might not be nice<\/i> exactly, but it isn't terrible either, Dean thinks.

Apparently Lucifer and Gabe find it utterly hilarious to see the looks on demons faces when they're told that Lucifer needs them to leave that vessel and return to Hell for some kind of regrouping.

Gabe swears that they're working on a way to get the demons re-set or something so that they can go to Heaven, but they're not there yet.

In the mean time, Dean and Sam find it utterly un<\/i>hilarious having to explain to a bunch of confused people what the heck just happened to them.

Dean's a little confused himself, mainly about Lucifer's consistent fascination with Sam.

He manages to walk into a conversation he'd have preferred to miss, one day. Lucifer's grinning up at Sam lewdly and saying , \"I'm not trying to use you as my vessel any more, Samuel, but you can still say 'yes' and let me inside you.\"

Dean expects Sam to shut the angel down, but the giant just blushes dumbly and doesn't answer.

Who cares anyhow,<\/i> Dean thinks. I guess this is just normal for us now.<\/i>

At least it is<\/i> normal, until Castiel randomly decides to make his reappearance.

\"What in the name of... What the hell are you doing here?\" Castiel demands of Lucifer.

\"Currently? I'm playing with Sam's hair,\" Lucifer points out matter of factly.

Dean notes that Sam is practically purring<\/i> with pleasure at this, too.

\"I can see that, you idiot. But why<\/i>? These are my<\/i> humans!\" Cas says, a hint of a pout forming on his perfect lips and making Dean want to make it better. \"I saw them first.\"

\"You did not, Castiel,\" Gabe corrects, flinging a mostly melted piece of Kit Kat at his younger brother.

\"Well I raised him from perdition,\" Cas says petulantly.

\"Yeah, so? I died<\/i> for him.\" Gabe countered.

\"You guys can't just come in here and make off with my humans!\" Cas said, stomping his foot.

\"Tell you what, Cas. I like you, so you can have Bobby,\" Gabe tells him.

\"Why don't you two just take turns?\" Lucifer suggests, earning himself a glare from Dean.

\"But I want Sam too,\" Cas pouts and Gabe nods in agreement.

Lucifer shrugs. \"Alright, sharing is caring. We'll all share both of them.\"

The angels all look moderately pacified by this suggestion, but Dean can't quite hack it.

\"Do Sam and I get a say in this?\"

\"No,\" the angels chorus.

\"Mmph,\" says Sam as Lucifer starts massaging his scalp.

Dean shakes his head mournfully. Nothing is ever going to be the same again."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:113631","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/113631.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=113631"}}],"title":"Part 2 of Team Free Will Saga","published":"2010-04-29T04:30:54Z","updated":"2010-04-29T04:35:29Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"sam and dean"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer and gabe are bffs"}}],"content":"First of all - I love my new icon. Misha Collins, stop being so unreal, okay?



Dean's grooving to some Zep when all of a sudden there's a pair of angels in the back seat of the Impala, singing along at the top of their lungs. (Since they're angels, this is actually pretty friggin loud.)

\"What did you do to my baby? I'm gonna kill you if you carved some sort of Enochian tracking sigils on her,\" Dean swears.

Lucifer laughs from his place in the backseat and shakes his head. \"No you idiot. We activated the GPS on your phones.\"

Sam bitchfaces at Lucifer in the mirror and Lucifer blows him a kiss in response, causing everyone in the car to shut up but Plant who's still wailing about a Stairway.

\"So,\" Gabe asks, using the end of what Dean later discovers is a Sugar Quill (\"I thought those were fictional,\" Sam muses.) to tickle Dean's ear. \"Where are we going?\"

Dean glares at the two hitch-hiking angels and snorts. \"If we'd wanted you to know, we'd have told you before.\"

\"Nah. You like playing hard to get. We know because Zach told us,\" Gabe informs him smugly.

Lucifer is now petting Sam's hair and for the first time since he abandoned the apocalypse Dean is somewhat amused by the Fallen One's antics. Sam on the other hand, looks as though he might finally be ready for that haircut Bobby's been not-so-subtly suggesting.

\"We're going to Bobby's,\" Sam says, batting Lucifer's hand away.

\"Sounds fun,\" Gabe decrees, setting about teaching Lucifer the rules of Cow Poker.

Apparently Gabe's version involves the angels randomly punching and\/or kissing Sam and Dean however, and Dean finally bans the game from his car because, after all, getting punched by an angel hurts<\/i> and being kissed by one (or two) is just distracting.

Bobby, understandably is unimpressed with this turn of events.

\"You idjits brought the bloody devil<\/i> to my home?\" he rants. \"C'mere. No. Lean closer. Closer...\"

He smacks both Winchesters upside the head.

\"What the hell were you thinking!?\"

\"If I may, Robert,\" Lucifer says from where he's leaning on the door jamb. \"I do have a peace offering.\"

It takes all of two minutes (and obviously a pair of fully restored legs) for the Devil to win over Robert Singer who very nearly does a jig in celebration and then makes everyone waffles out of gratitude.

\"Maybe he and Gabe are really serious about this, Dean,\" Sam says tentatively that night as they lay in bed.

\"And maybe tomorrow he'll cook me breakfast in bed,\" Dean scoffs. \"Not likely.\"

He wakes up to bacon, eggs, steak, toast and coffee being served by a grinning Lucifer, and has no real response.


\"Well, I'll be damned,\" he mutters when the angel leaves. A moment later, he digs in.


Shit, Lucifer is a good cook<\/i>."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:113170","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/113170.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=113170"}}],"title":"ARE YOU GUIZ SICK OF MY RANDOM FICS YET?","published":"2010-04-28T05:20:13Z","updated":"2010-04-28T05:20:35Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"sam and dean"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer and gabe are bffs"}}],"content":"PART ONE OF THE SPINOFF FROM MY LAST FIC



Dean should probably surprised when Gabe and Lucifer are waiting for him and Sam in their hotel. He thinks it's rather indicative of what his life has been like that the sight of the devil lounging on Sam's bed doesn't really shock him.

It should though, after all, Gabe is supposedly dead, and Lucifer isn't exactly supposed to be able to find them.

\"Been watching my DVD, eh?\" Gabe asks with a grin, a bag of jujubes in his hand.

Sam glares at Dean who shrugs.

Dean. I thought you said that you burned that thing<\/i>.

I did. I made like, twelve copies<\/b>

Dude!<\/i>

What? Free porn is free porn, Sam.<\/b>

Lucifer is probably the biggest creeper that Dean's ever met, and that's saying something, really, as he's been hugged by a Cupid and met Zach. Okay now that he thinks about it, Zach is definitely a bigger creeper than Lucifer - but the way things are going, Dean's beginning to think it runs in the fucking family.

Sam elbows him and Dean forces himself to focus on what Gabe is telling them.

\"So let me get this straight,\" he says when Gabe is finished. He's speaking more to Sam than anyone, as Gabe and Lucifer are both watching him with blatant interest. \"Your dying wish, delivered via porno, is to trap your brother forever and ever amen. Now you're back, saying that Luci over there had a change of heart and saved you, so you've changed your mind<\/i>?\"

Gabe shrugs lightly, popping a jujube into his mouth and then stuffing one in Sam's. \"That sounds about right.\"

Lucifer grins at Sam, arching an eyebrow at the tall man he'd once claimed as his vessel. Sam eyes him warily, absentmindedly chewing the jujube and blushes when Luci asks: \"So, Sam, aren't you going to welcome me to Team Free Will?\""},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:112832","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/112832.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=112832"}}],"title":"STORY FOR jaffatech (spoilery for the latest SPN ep)","published":"2010-04-27T22:30:53Z","updated":"2010-04-27T22:33:08Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"sam and dean"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer and gabe are bffs"}}],"content":"We got talking the other day, <\/a>jaffatech<\/b><\/a><\/span> and I, and complaining about the episode from last week and discussing how a coda could be written to fix it.


this is my idea:


Title: Hope Springs Immortal



Everything changed the moment that Gabriel died. There was a stillness, as if the very air had been sucked out of the hotel where he had, after eons, stepped out and faced his older brother.

Lucifer watched as the body fell, his brow furrowing in confusion at the sudden pressure surrounding his chest.

Silence.

Everything was so still, so quiet and he could focus on nothing but his fallen brother - the one he had slain. A flash of Gabe's smile danced across Lucifer's memory and made him swallow hard.

Once they had been co-conspirators, dancing wildly in the wake of each star's birth. And then -

And then the garden, Michael's insistence that Father had said all angels must bow. And then -

And then the pit. Flame and darkness and horrified screams.

But that smile<\/i>.


\"Oh Gabriel,\" Lucifer murmured, kneeling beside the one brother he had hoped to never face in battle. \"What have I done?\"

He sat beside his brother's body for a long while, stroking the hair that he had never once touched in this form. Suddenly, he realized that his cheeks were wet.

He, the Morningstar, was weeping.

For thousands upon thousands of years he had been locked away, increasingly angry at the injustice that had been practiced upon him. He had thought that anger was all that remained. He wept harder, pressing his forehead to his brother's chest. The tears flowed freely as he sobbed, tears washing away an immortal's lifetime of sorrow, anger, and regret.

When his tears finally subsided, Gabriel's shirt was drenched, and Lucifer's path was clear.

He gathered his brother to him, pulling him close and rising once more. He walked out of the hotel with slow, deliberate steps, pausing only a moment to turn back and reduce the hotel to cinders. He didn't want the place to remain as a testament to the tragedy that he had caused - it was too much to bear.

His eyes lost focus as he walked along the highway, and a moment later he found himself deep in a tropical jungle, face to face with an old woman.

Her eyes softened as she smiled sadly at him, and Lucifer fell immediately to his knees, still cradling Gabe to his chest.

\"YHWH,\" he said softly. \"Father -- Mother<\/i>\"

\"Sammael.\"

The name he had not heard in centuries caused him to draw a ragged breath, shuddering lightly at the overwhelming sensation of being in the presence of his creator.

\"I am not called that any more,\" he said quietly.

\"I have always called you that, Light-Bringer,\" YHWH answered. She made no move toward him and Gabe, but looked sad as she gazed upon the younger angel. After a moment, she turned to walk away.

It was too much for Lucifer to bear. A sob burst from him and he laid his slain brother on the ground before her.

\"Bring him back,\" he whispered. \"I know you can.\"

\"To what end, Sammael? You and Michael have both been working to bring the apocalypse. Pride, so much pride and pain<\/i> in both of you. I will not interfere now. You asked for free will, once, Sammael - I grant it to you, and now ask: What end will<\/i> you?\"

\"An end with Gabriel still alive,\" Lucifer whispered, shamed by YHWH's words.

\"And what are you willing to give in return?\"

There was no hesitation as Lucifer bowed his head. \"Anything.\"

In an instant, Lucifer's head was wrenched back and he was forced to meet YHWH's eyes. It was a gaze that even the angels feared to have turned upon them. In this moment, however, Lucifer met it willingly and unflinchingly, certain that YHWH would see what was needed.

\"You would be willing to trade your life for Gabriel's,\" YHWH said, surprise in her voice as she shook her head. \"I wonder if you are willing to do the harder thing.

Lucifer's brow furrowed in confusion and she smiled sadly.

\"Think<\/i>\"

So Lucifer thought. Indeed, if he traded his life, it would be simple - the Apocalypse would end, paradise would become reality.

\"You don't want to end the apocalypse with my death,\" Lucifer said as realization dawned.

\"The humans and Michael must make their choices too, Sammael.\"

\"I will stop my path,\" Lucifer said, looking at Gabriel as he spoke.. \"I will follow.\"

The words seemed to hang on the air between them for an eternity, but finally God looked away and clapped her hands.

A soft rain began to fall, cool and refreshing against the heat of the jungle. For the first time, Lucifer felt it as Nick must, and he turned his face upward, letting it fall on him in a spirit of abandon.

\"Never took you for a 'singing in the rain' type, Luci,\" came a laughing voice. Lucifer looked to see Gabriel smirking at him and his breath caught. A moment later, they were both crying and laughing and hugging.

YHWH cleared her throat and the brothers looked at her.

\"Luci, you - you brought me to YHWH?\" Gabe's questioning gaze landed on his older brother, who remained looking at YHWH.

\"I follow,\" he said in response, unaware of his brother's hiss of breath over his teeth.

\"The apocalypse must continue as planned, Sammael,\" YHWH said, a melancholy note to her voice. \"It is too far along for me to simply snap my fingers and say cease. I do not believe that your brothers would listen anyhow.\"

Gabe snorted lightly in agreement, but Lucifer bowed his head.

\"Sammael, the humans and yes, even Michael, must choose as well. The choice is not present without your side.\"

Lucifer nodded, but it was Gabe who spoke up. He had been without his brother for eons - having only just seen Lucifer change his heart and stance he was not willing to see that be thrown back in his face.

\"You'll condemn him back to hell, then? Or worse, to death at Michael's hand?\"

YHWH shook her head. \"I love my children, Gabriel. You are the one who gave the Winchesters a possible means to end the apocalypse without Sammael's death. Would you not let them use it?\"

\"Not now,\" Gabriel insisted, shaking his head.

\"You still feel so strongly for the brother who fell? Who killed you?\" YHWH asked her messenger.

\"He also swore allegiance to you to bring me back. Where have you even been<\/i>?\"

The rant he was building up to was ceased as YHWH raised her hand.

\"I swore to meddle no more. If you wish to take Sammael and join the Winchesters, by all means do try. The end for them will be in their own hands.\"

With that, she snapped her fingers and was gone.

Gabriel and Lucifer stood in silence for a few moments before the younger turned to his brother and shook his head.

\"Care to teach some of your tricks to Team Winchester, Luci? Because I think that I might have an idea.\"

The Morningstar simply nodded, still staring in the direction where YHWH had stood.

\"As long as you are well, Gabriel.\"

Gabriel shook his head softly at the difference in his brother. It was as if the anger had been completely removed from him.

Gabe inhaled and stretched, testing his wings tentatively against the breeze.

Perhaps, if Lucifer loved him enough to change his entire life's course, there was hope after all."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:112518","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/112518.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=112518"}}],"title":"In not insanely angsty fandom news","published":"2010-04-23T23:17:02Z","updated":"2010-04-23T23:18:15Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"acting"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"f-list"}}],"content":"- Opening night of Nude With Violin is tonight.
- I just cleared my Flist of all the one way green arrows (or most of them) and some comms that I don't really watch any more.

If I accidentally deleted you, please let me know! This post is public for a reason!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:112154","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/112154.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=112154"}}],"title":"spoilers for the latest SPN ep","published":"2010-04-23T22:14:57Z","updated":"2010-04-24T20:59:09Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"sam and dean"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer is boss"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"lucifer and gabe are bffs"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}}],"content":"Okay, Angsty angsty brother fic ahoy.


Hey Carrie, can this count for your contest? *half hearted laugh*

A special thanks to <\/a>vt_graphics<\/b><\/a><\/span> for going through the pain of giffing last night's ep so I could watch this part over and over and over again.

Wordcount: 429
ANGST LIKE WHOA!



I remember the smell of the freshly planted greenery of the earth from that day. How was it that we had managed to slip unnoticed from under Michael\u2019s purview? The look of the earth, fresh and untainted was thrilling - it was easily Father\u2019s best creation.

Why should this smell, then, be the one that haunts me now? Haunts me as you cast aside the suffering I have endured for eons? A tantrum<\/i>.

I have spent eons without you brother, and that day - running with the newly created antelope in a field that stretched over an entire continent that we named Serengeti with a whoop and a cheer - that is what I remembered most fondly.

I heard rumors from those demons who dared wander close enough to me that you were missing, gone from Heaven\u2019s view and I knew<\/i> I just knew<\/i> that you were waiting for me - missing me too.

I was wrong.

You did not side with Michael, I will give you that, Gabriel, but in that moment - that split second of a tell - I knew it was you or I. You called me father\u2019s favorite, perhaps I was, but it doesn\u2019t matter. I thought I was your<\/i> favorite.

The flash of the blade, unthinking, I turned it and we were there. Your face looked as it did the day I was cast down, your hand grasped at mine.

Oh Gabriel why? You could have left - you could have done so many things.

I wanted to shout, wanted to scream, but all I could see was you and I, ignoring responsibility and care to dance in a wild plain with our father\u2019s newest creations.

I looked in your eyes and could smell the greenery. I cupped your head \u2014 did you know? You must have known how broken I felt - how alone your betrayal left me? Did you see our past too?

And your eyes begged me, begged<\/i> me to step back. But I couldn\u2019t, Gabriel. You knew that. You knew that the moment you stepped toward me with your blade raised high. If you were prepared to stab me in the back once, you would do it again. So I cradled your face in my hand and I turned the knife.

I forced myself to watch, Gabriel, to feel every bit of your life force burst out of you. I forced myself to stay because you deserved it - you were my favorite.

Your body fell limply to the floor, and I wept.

I am alone, Gabriel.

I\u2019m sorry."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:109510","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/109510.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=109510"}}],"title":"Voice Post for treehaus","published":"2010-03-18T05:15:05Z","updated":"2010-03-18T21:46:49Z","content":""},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:108073","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/108073.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=108073"}}],"title":"Original Fic","published":"2010-03-05T09:05:42Z","updated":"2010-03-05T09:06:28Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"original"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"hell"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}}],"content":"

What is beauty?

I have posed this question to each of those who have found themselves in my small apartment. The place is bare and little light enters through the windows. Of everything, I think I miss the Sun the most, or perhaps simply the sky. The stars, wheeling madly above a lonesome world --

I digress.

I have asked the question thousands of times. They come to my door, armed with questions of their own. The questions seem to die upon their lips as they enter my home, however. I make them tea as they gaze upon the sparseness. I know what they're thinking, for I've thought it many times myself; it's like a prison. Gray.

'I tried painting it once' I say. 'The paint cracked and peeled until it was back to this. Plants? They wither and die within minutes.'

They look at me as if a saddened soul was the last thing they expected to find in the deepest of hell's pits, but they never say anything. Not then.

So I ask them my question.

\"What is beauty?\"

Their answers are predictable - hesitant and unsure as they start to speak.

\"In the eye of the beholder.\"

\"Indescribable. If you try to describe it, you find that it isn't beautiful any more.\"

And perhaps the most honest; \"I don't know\".

Thousands upon thousands of them have sought me out here, with one question written on the very fibre of their hearts. \"Why am I here?\"

The answer I give is a story.

\"Once upon a time, there was a Father with many children. They were as varied as the stars and united by their love for their Father.

One day the Father called all of his children to him, naming them. There is power in names, after all.

And one son waitied as all of his siblings were called up and given names like \"Faithful\", \"Warrior\", \"Messenger\", \"Vengeance\", \"Understanding\", \"Love\", and so on.

Finally he was called forward and he knelt to receive his name.

\"Beauty,\" his father murmured. \"And Light.\"

Two names - the son felt at once overjoyed and humbled - there was much responsibility with such a naming.

As he returned to his place, the others murmured\"

\"What does it mean?\" they ask after I've fallen silent.

\"What does it mean to you?\" I respond.

Usually that is when they leave, disconcerted that the Devil doesn't seem interested in torture or in owning their souls. It is as if they didn't know that this is a place created for me, not by me.

When they leave I tidy up after them, and then lock myself in the bathroom. I shed the form I take to keep from frightening them, and feel lazy wings stretch behind me.

Light, overpowering and blinding, permeates the room, then the house. I know what it is that the house looks like when I do this -- in this light it is a replica of my former home -- but I am blinded and cannot see it.

I was the angel named twice light and beauty. And i was struck down by my brother, whose name is a war-cry, thrown into this pit of isolation.

They come to me, expecting a monster and finding a man broken beyond repair. They are sent here and arrive expecting physical anguish and endless fires. Instead there are only the dull lights of a distant city and more isolation than they ever imagined.

They come to me and ask, without asking, \"Why here? Why me?\"

And I cannot answer with words that the reason that they are here is because my names were stripped from me and I was cast aside.

Each of them has lost their name too. They need for someone else to name them, but no one ever does, because they all think only of themselves.

I tell them all who I am, but no one names me, either.

This is Hell."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:103143","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/103143.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=103143"}}],"title":"Merry Christmas to All...","published":"2009-12-21T05:51:12Z","updated":"2009-12-21T05:51:25Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"music"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"gifting!!"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"self promotion"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"christmas"}}],"content":"Well, I'm gonna be a shameless sort of hussy and do some self-promotion.

Here's your christmas gift from me: Available for free download is a brand spankin' new song. Wrote it this week, recorded it tonight.

December<\/a>

Enjoy! And feel free to let me know what you think."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:102688","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/102688.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=102688"}}],"title":"Christmas Present! Fic for ragdoll","published":"2009-12-20T06:36:02Z","updated":"2009-12-20T06:37:26Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"gifting!!"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"character: charlie weasley"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"character: alicia spinnet"}}],"content":"Title<\/b>: Surprise!
Fandom<\/b>: Harry Potter
Pairing<\/b>: Charlie Weasley, Alicia Spinnet
Summary<\/b>: Alicia has done a spread in a popular magazine, and her boyfriend wasn't exactly informed...
Rating<\/b>: NC-17, I think. Let's be safe and say that's it.
Author's note:<\/b> Merry Christmas! Oh and this is totally un-beta'd. About 960 words though, so, not exactly a drabble, either...?



She almost hadn't agreed to do it. She had the fame already, and fortune wasn't an issue either. The captain of the team that was ranking the best in the league, Alicia Spinnet had no need to do much by way of promotion, but Playwizard was relentless in their pursuit of having her bare all.

\"Or at the very least, some<\/i>.\" The young man who\u2019d been enlisted to coerce her into doing the modeling stint was really pulling out all the stops, she mused, nearly choking with laughter when he added, \u201cMy job is on the line, Ms. Spinnet.\u201d

She had worked out a strong contract with them from the get-go, her boss more than happy to loan her a solicitor so that she would be well respected while posing nude and semi-nude, and Alicia was pleased with the guarantee of final say as to what photos went into their magazine. More than that, however, she had managed to get them to agree to a few more shots of which she would become the sole owner. Her boyfriend was going to be a very, very<\/i> happy man.

She was incredibly pleased with herself and felt confident that all was going according to plan, until Charlie\u2019s trip home from Romania was delayed by two days \u2014 causing him to be at the Reserve when the magazine came out.

In truth, she hadn\u2019t wanted to warn him and thus ruin the surprise, but she\u2019d forgotten about the fact that someone at the Reserve was likely to get the magazine by subscription. She remembered that likelihood when she came home from a brutal practice to find Charlie Weasley standing in her flat looking about as livid as she\u2019d ever seen him.

\u201cWere you even going to tell me you\u2019d posed nude for all of Europe to ogle?\u201d he spat immediately when she came in, and for a moment she was taken aback. \u201cI had blokes nudging me all day - I think I have a bruise, and I didn\u2019t even know what it was all for! Finally James showed me his copy and there I see my girlfriend spread out like some kind of cheap page three girl from the Muggle Dailys.\u201d

\u201cNow wait just a bloody minute Charlie Weasley,\u201d Alicia snapped, her temper growing nearly to match his. \u201cWhat right do you have to come into my flat and call me cheap? It\u2019s my life and my body, and I can bloody well do as I please.\u201d She could hear a small voice saying that she likely didn\u2019t want to go this route - that she ought to just explain things rationally, but she\u2019d never listened to that voice, and she wasn\u2019t likely to start now.

\u201cYou committed to dating me, Spinnet,\u201d Charlie growled, stalking towards her and backing her against the wall. \u201cThat means, to some degree, I have a say who sees you.\u201d

\u201cIf I want to fly about starkers for a game to bring up ticket sales, I\u2019m entitled to do just that,\u201d she said defiantly, trying not to be intimidated by his size.

\u201cI\u2019d still like a bit of notice,\u201d Charlie said, his voice becoming husky as she pushed against him lightly. \u201cI need to know how much I have to threaten the blokes that want to make off-colour comments.\u201d

\u201cI can handle myself,\u201d Alicia said, moving to push past him, only to be shoved up against the wall again, her wrists pinned beneath his hands. Her heart skipped a beat and a knot formed in her stomach, making her swallow hard.

\u201cBut you so prefer it when I handle you, isn\u2019t that the case?\u201d Charlie asked, not waiting for an answer before dropping his head to kiss her soundly.

Her knees buckled but he shifted to hold her up against the wall, groaning as she began to tug his shirt free of his trousers to brush her fingers along the bared skin. He stripped her of her shirt, losing contact with her lips for just a moment. The intensity between them fairly sizzled and before long they were both panting and desperate for a bed.

He carried her into her bedroom and stripped off his trou, watching as she did the same with no hesitation. He didn\u2019t waste a moment as he crawled up her body and, positioning himself at her entrance, plunged into her with one stroke. There was no artfulness to it, no languid kisses or soft caressing - this was pure sex, hard and raw, and Alicia\u2019s fingernails left long marks up Charlie\u2019s back. Again and again he thrust into her, and she rose to meet him each time, chanting his name like a mantra.

When they were spent, he flopped next to her, his anger gone as she toyed with his hair.

\u201cI was going to tell you,\u201d she murmured, \u201cbut it was meant to be a surprise. There were far more shots taken than ever got into that magazine.\u201d

Charlie was near sleep, but he perked up slightly at her words. Propping himself up on one elbow he looked at her quizzically. \u201cMore photos?\u201d

Alicia smirked and fished her wand out of its pocket in her Quidditch pants, accio<\/i>ing the parcel she\u2019d wrapped up for him. \u201cYou were meant to be home before the subscriptions were mailed out, don\u2019t you recall? But I wanted you to benefit the most out of my photoshoot.\u201d

Charlie looked through the photos, then grinned sheepishly at his girlfriend. \u201cTeach me to miss an opportunity to come home to you, won\u2019t it?\u201d he asked and she laughed.

\u201cYou know, I think that, given how our fights tend to end up, I ought to delay your surprises a good deal more often.\u201d

Charlie shoved her lightly and she laughed, the two of them curling up for a nap in the well-rumpled sheets of her bed."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:nbaeker:102494","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/102494.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/nbaeker.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=102494"}}],"title":"A little Christmas story for you.","published":"2009-12-10T20:49:23Z","updated":"2009-12-10T20:49:44Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"prompts"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"christmas"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"nanowrimo"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"writing"}}],"content":"Done for a prompt left over at the nano-lj's comm. I thought I'd share. I like this a lot, actually.



The busy area of the Grand Central Station is overflowing with the hustle and bustle of the crowd. It isn\u2019t hard to get lost in the flow of it, and there are times when she\u2019s wondered what it would be like to simply step into the moving torrent of people and get swept away by the increasing pace and rapid turns that they take.

She watches a young boy trip, quickly scooped up by his mother, and her mind reverts to a time when she\u2019d been that size, and how terrifying this area must have been. Legs, she thinks. That\u2019s all he\u2019d really see. It isn\u2019t a comforting thought.

Of course, the view of people\u2019s faces isn\u2019t entirely comforting either. There\u2019s a sense of panic, of urgency and loneliness that permeates this place. Curious, to be sure - after all this is a place for grand reunions, or the beginning of a trip home to family. Especially at this time of year.

She sinks back down, her back to a pillar and hugs her knees. She suddenly has the same view as that little boy - legs passing her by in a flurry. If she laid herself out as far as she could, would they step over her? Around her? How many would trip over her, or step on her in complete disregard.

It was a hard thing to know. She\u2019d grown up thinking that life was more or less good - that things were more or less happy.

Life had proven her wrong. Over and over again she\u2019d been bashed against the rocks on the side of that river.

She just wanted to rest for a moment, and so she\u2019d come here. It wasn\u2019t the crowd or the hub-bub that had drawn her, but the loneliness in the midst of it all. What was that saying; \u2018misery loves company?\u2019 She was alone in watching, but she could see echoes of her own misery etched upon nearly every face that passed by.

Not the youngsters though. Their smiles were genuine. Their eyes were still bright with the idea of travel and family and playing and adventure. She wished that for each of them - that they could just hold on to that sense of wonder.

A little girl stopped in front of her, and her bright smile faded into a concentrated look - funny on her small features.

\u201cWhy are you sad?\u201d The little girl asked. \u201cIt\u2019s Christmas time. You should be happy.\u201d

She was just about to come up with an answer when the little girl\u2019s mother came along, barely sparing her a glance before hoisting the girl into the safety of her arms, the comfort of sitting on her hip.

She longed to be cradled that way once more. The question remained echoing through her mind and she mouthed the words lightly. \u201cWhy am I sad?\u201d

\u201cExcuse me miss.\u201d

This time it was an employee of the station that found her. She looked up at him with tired eyes and he shook his head sadly.

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Miss, but I\u2019m going to have to ask you to leave.\u201d

He did seem to regret it, perhaps his manager had made him be the one to kick her out, but he escorted her to the cold biting air of the outdoors - away from the paying customers who had been affronted by her presence.

She pulled her threadbare jacket closer around her, casting one last glance at the people still milling about inside.

It had been nice to get warm for a little bit, anyhow. After all, it was Christmas."}]}