For the longest time, one of my favorite books (even before my own battle with a disease trying to kill me) was \u201cMortality\u201d by Christopher Hitchens. This is a short collection of essays he wrote after being diagnosed with terminal cancer, up until the moment he passed. In it, he says the following:<\/p>\n\n
\n It\u2019s normally agreed that the question \u201cHow are you?\u201d doesn\u2019t put you on your oath to give a full or honest answer. So when asked these days, I tend to say something cryptic like, \u201cA bit early to say.\u201d (If it\u2019s the wonderful staff at my oncology clinic who inquire, I sometimes go so far as to respond, \u201cI seem to have cancer today.\u201d) Nobody wants to be told about the countless minor horrors and humiliations that become facts of \u201clife\u201d when your body turns from being a friend to being a foe: the boring switch from chronic constipation to its sudden dramatic opposite; the equally nasty double cross of feeling acute hunger while fearing even the scent of food; the absolute misery of gut\u2013wringing nausea on an utterly empty stomach; or the pathetic discovery that hair loss extends to the disappearance of the follicles in your nostrils, and thus to the childish and irritating phenomenon of a permanently runny nose. Sorry, but you did ask\u2026 It\u2019s no fun to appreciate to the full the truth of the materialist proposition that I don\u2019t have a body, I am a body.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n
The phrase \u201cI don\u2019t have a body, I am a body\u201d is one that I\u2019ve thought about a million times since I first read it, and even more often as of late. I think I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that I am not<\/em> a body.<\/p>\n\nSome say that the concept of the \u201cself\u201d is artificial, and is an adaptation that has evolved over millions of years as a way of encouraging humans to want to reproduce and further their genes. Perhaps there is a species-level benefit to the concept of the self, but that still doesn\u2019t feel adequate enough for an explanation to me. Perhaps I\u2019m fooling myself, but I do tend to believe that I exist as something more than a collection of cells and a home for billions of bacteria. Then again, maybe that\u2019s what the bacteria want<\/em> me to think.<\/p>\n\nAfter all I\u2019ve gone through with multiple kidney transplants and multiple blood transfusions, I really don\u2019t think of myself as being my body. The closest I can get to that is thinking perhaps I am my brain, or at least, the person that my brain is rendering. But it feels like there\u2019s more to it. For lack of a better word, it feels like a spirit of some sort, but not in a supernatural way. It\u2019s an essence. It\u2019s a feeling, a certain level of knowing and being.<\/p>\n\n
In certain online communities, it\u2019s an established norm to not use the phrase \u201cIRL\u201d (meaning \u201cIn Real Life\u201d). The internet really is real life, and what happens there is as much a part of our reality as the air we breathe and the ground we walk upon. Instead, the term \u201cAFK (Away from Keyboard)\u201d is preferred.<\/p>\n\n
In much the same way that I feel like I\u2019m not a<\/em> body but in<\/em> a body, I find that when I connect with cyberspace I\u2019m not any less there<\/em> than I am here. Sure, I\u2019m physically in a chair, but in a much grander sense I\u2019m out there<\/em>.<\/p>\n\nThe environment that we all come together to build very much exists. When I interact with the systems that others build, that world exists as much as my kitchen does when I step into it. When I read the words that others write, I fill my head with the words that the authors put out into the world, and I construct meaning from them.<\/p>\n\n
The digital systems that we build are very much a part of our lives. And the time we spend online is as real as the time that we spend walking through a park, or sitting on a couch watching TV with a loved on. Online life is real life, as much as offline life.<\/p>\n\n
Because I think of my body more as a vessel, I see it more like a physical device. Much like a computer is just the means to allow you to go places and do things, the body is a way to experience the world, and in a much larger sense, life itself. So when I see people modifying their bodies, or making decisions about how they want them to function, I more and more find myself impressed with their tenacity. If your vessel doesn\u2019t serve the spirit inside, and you have the means of modifying or otherwise biohacking it to bend to your will, why wouldn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n\n
Each of us has but one existence, one turn on the merry-go-round. We are born, we mess about for a bit, and then we cease to be. But I submit to you that your online existence is an extension of your corporeal existence: treat it with the reverence and care it deserves.<\/p>\n\n","pubDate":"Tue, 17 Feb 2026 20:00:00 -0500"},{"title":"10 Random Things I Hate","link":"https:\/\/nathandyer.me\/2026\/02\/16\/things-i-hate.html","guid":"https:\/\/nathandyer.me\/2026\/02\/16\/things-i-hate.html","description":"
Following a recent trend I\u2019ve seen of people listing 10 things they hate, I thought it would be fun (and a bit of a break from the more serious posts I\u2019ve written recently) to come up with my own list.<\/p>\n\n
In that spirit, here are some things I hate:<\/p>\n\n
\n - When people listen to things out loud on a speaker in public.<\/strong><\/li>\n
- Trader Joe\u2019s.<\/strong> The food is fine, I suppose, but the store is always so crowded that I end up anxious and panicked trying to move around people and not get in anyone\u2019s way.<\/li>\n
- People who don\u2019t seed their torrents.<\/strong><\/li>\n
- Ranch dressing.<\/strong> Nothing personal, I just can\u2019t stand the taste.<\/li>\n
- When drivers camp in the passing lane, going at or below the speed limit.<\/strong><\/li>\n
- People who talk or use phones during a showing at the cinema.<\/strong><\/li>\n
- When people bring pets into restaurants or grocery stores.<\/strong> This obviously doesn\u2019t apply to service animals. I see way too many people bringing their dogs into restaurants and grocery stores, but no one asks them to leave so they keep doing it.<\/li>\n
- AI generated photos and videos.<\/strong> Oh, and AI generated blog posts. In fact, most AI generated things.<\/li>\n
- When the plumbers\/electricians\/technicians don\u2019t show up during their scheduled window.<\/strong><\/li>\n
- \u201cThe Cloud.\u201d<\/strong> Benefits of instant data backups and easier sharing aside, most of our data can be stored locally just fine, where it doesn\u2019t get leaked\/shared with the government to benefit the police state\/used for training machine learning models.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n
What about you? If you end up making your own list, please be sure to link me to it.<\/p>\n","pubDate":"Mon, 16 Feb 2026 21:00:00 -0500"},{"title":"Losing Weight","link":"https:\/\/nathandyer.me\/2026\/02\/10\/losing-weight.html","guid":"https:\/\/nathandyer.me\/2026\/02\/10\/losing-weight.html","description":"
For well over a month now, I\u2019ve been making a conscious and determined effort to lose weight.<\/p>\n\n
It is something I\u2019ve wanted to do for a long time. I\u2019ve strugged with my weight ever since I was a little kid. It\u2019s mainly due to the way I was brought up. Living in the U.S. South, you\u2019re part of a culture that values flavor and tradition over healthier options and nutritious living. I fundamentally did not understand nutrition until very recently, and that is mostly thanks to what I\u2019ve learned as part of my various health struggles.<\/p>\n\n
When you\u2019re in kidney failure you have to modify your diet. You have to limit things like phosphorus, potassium, and sodium. I\u2019ve gotten really good at learning to cut things out of my diet, even things that I love. Turns out I have more willpower than I ever imagined.<\/p>\n\n
But when you\u2019re in kidney failure it\u2019s almost impossible to lose weight. You retain fluid. You swell. You get bigger. It\u2019s hard to tell where the body fat stops and the excess body fluid begins.<\/p>\n\n
Now that I have a happy, healthy kidney, weight loss is an achievable goal. Not only is it achievable, it\u2019s necessary. I also have developed some minor heart issues. If I don\u2019t get them taken care of now, I know what awaits me. In the immediate future, it would be an ablation. In the longterm, it would be early mortality. These are just the facts.<\/p>\n\n
And to be honest, I hate being a fat guy. I don\u2019t like the way I look. I don\u2019t like seeing myself in a mirror.<\/p>\n\n
The only time in my life that I was thin was when I was in high school. I started working a part-time job at a local fast food joint, and I literally worked my ass off. I lost 60 pounds (approximately 27 kg) in the span of about 6 months. It probably didn\u2019t hurt that I was also trying to impress a girl. But hey, whatever works.<\/p>\n\n
The weight stayed off for around a year, but it slowly started creeping back up. In college, my \u201cfreshman fifteen\u201d (pounds) started being the \u201cfreshman thirty\u201d, then forty, then suddenly I was back where I started.<\/p>\n\n
But that all ends now. I\u2019m eating healthier. I\u2019m eating things that have more nutrients that my body needs. I\u2019m eating with more balance. And, I\u2019m exercising regularly for the first time in my life.<\/p>\n\n
The resource that was most helpful to me, out of everything I\u2019ve read or learned, was \u201cThe Hacker\u2019s Diet: How to lose weight and hair through stress and poor nutrition\u201d, by John Walker<\/a>. In it, he lays out the problem from an engineering\/project management perspective, and makes some points I\u2019ve never made time to think about before. Essentially, the secret to weight loss is all about calories. If you eat more than you burn, you put on weight. If you eat as many as you burn, you maintain your weight. If you eat less than you burn, you lose weight. Simple stuff.<\/p>\n\nRight now my daily metabolic rate is about 2800 calories. If I stay under that (which isn\u2019t all that difficult), I lose. I\u2019m trying to stay below 1800 calories each day. Every 3500 calories you \u201ckeep out\u201d translates to one pound of body fat, so with this method I should expect to lose around two pounds each week (which I know won\u2019t work out quite right, since everyone hits a plateau at one point).<\/p>\n\n
I must admit that at first I was disappointed in the results I was seeing on the scale. My face is notably thinner. My hips are thinner. It\u2019s evident I\u2019ve lost a bit of weight. But at first, the numbers didn\u2019t match what I was seeing in the mirror. Then today, I went back and looked at some of the recorded weights from my most recent doctors visits. Turns out, I was way heavier at the start of the year than I even realized. As of this morning, I\u2019m down 18 pounds!<\/p>\n\n
The changes I\u2019m making aren\u2019t meant to be a temporary measure. They\u2019re the new way that I eat, the new way that I exercise, and the new way that I live. It\u2019s not so radical that I won\u2019t be able to maintain it for the long-term. I figure if I keep my actions in check, the results will follow.<\/p>\n","pubDate":"Tue, 10 Feb 2026 20:00:00 -0500"},{"title":"Using a Dopp Kitt Every Day","link":"https:\/\/nathandyer.me\/2026\/02\/09\/dopp-kit.html","guid":"https:\/\/nathandyer.me\/2026\/02\/09\/dopp-kit.html","description":"
I haven\u2019t really mentioned it to anyone, but at the start of the year I had a tiny little hospital stay. It ended up not being anything serious (as far as we know), but I was urinating blood, and when you have a new kidney you can\u2019t really just brush off that kind of thing.<\/p>\n\n
I didn\u2019t have much time to pack, I just had to hop in a car and get a move on toward my transplant hospital where my team would be able to get to the bottom of things quickly. If something were wrong with my kidney, hopefully we could spot the issue and prevent it from causing any serious damage.<\/p>\n\n
I don\u2019t really have a \u201cgo bag\u201d, as it were, but I keep most of my stuff in a backpack. If I find myself needing to spend a few days away from home, I just grab it and I am all set. The one exception to that is that I always have to take some extra time and pack the necessary toiletries: a toothbrush, deodorant, maybe a comb, and if I\u2019m really feeling prepared, a razor.<\/p>\n\n
It occurred to me, what\u2019s keeping me from storing all of that stuff in a single bag, too? When I go somewhere I pack a toiletry bag and live out of that just fine for as long as I\u2019m away. Why couldn\u2019t I do the same at home?<\/p>\n\n
So, I researched a handful of bags that can be used as a Dopp Kit, picked a relatively inexpensive but highly-reviewed one, and waited for it to arrive. Once it did, I was able to pack not only the essentials, but literally everything I use on a day-to-day (or even week-to-week) basis. Grooming kits, cologne, shaving cream, the works.<\/p>\n\n
I actually like having all my stuff in one well-organized bag, rather than spread out across a handful of drawers. And if I need to jump in a car and speed off towards a hospital again? I just grab the bag on my way out.<\/p>\n","pubDate":"Mon, 09 Feb 2026 20:00:00 -0500"}]}}
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