therealljidol

24-7-4

Prompt #1

Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory

On seeing the prompt I knew what to write.

Easy.

Then, my inner coward pushed forward and began shouting,

“It’s the first prompt! Do you want to be eliminated on the first prompt?”

Well, no. I don’t. Obviously.

I pondered alternative ideas. I googled the prompt (something that has worked in the past) and discovered it’s a book, a collection of short stories. Perhaps I’d relate to one and run with a theme or two.

Checked Amazon. Too expensive. But there was a PDF version. A free PDF version. Yes. I spent some time trying to download it but they wanted too much personal information. So, no.

I wrestled with this for about a day and then had to face the truth. My coward self, the version of me I try to ignore, disown, and deny, loomed large. And that tiny part of me that somehow finds courage when I don’t seem to have any spoke calmly and softly and said,

“You know what you want to do. And yes, you might get the boot, but so what, better to be booted for something that matters than something that doesn’t”

Okay. Here goes:

So, the only “someone who will love you in all your damaged glory” is God.

Easy.

Over and over we are told in The Bible that God loves us. We are shown how much He loves us from Genesis to Revelation. Granted some books are a little less with the love and a little more with the consequences of not loving Him the way He is trying to teach us to love Him, but generally speaking it’s safe to say, He loves us and He repeatedly tells us so.

He loves us from before we’re born until after we die. Long after. He loves us whether we believe in Him, or follow Him, or do His will. He loves us when we make a mess. He loves us when we fall, when we fail, when we fight and struggle and scream our frustration and rage, and weep because we have nothing left. He loves us, unquestionably.

But not unconditionally.

He has expectations. He wants things for us and from us. He loves and He wants every single person ever created. And He has planned to have us all, from before He created us.

He knows us better than anyone, than we know ourselves. He knows our strengths, weaknesses, dreams, nasty little secrets. And still He loves us. He loves us and wants us, but will we all be with Him in the end?

No.

As much as He wants it, no. Not all of us will choose to accept His love, return His love, and live as He wants us to, so no. Not everyone will choose Him in the end.

Why?

I imagine there are a myriad of reasons but one I know, because I live it every day.

It’s hard.

It’s not easy. At least it’s not for me. I grapple with what I want and what He wants every single day. I’m a very stubborn person. I like things my way and I can be quite difficult when I can’t have my way. He wants His will not mine.

I fail. A lot.

Often doing the same things repeatedly, or not doing the same things repeatedly.

But because He loves me, in all my damaged glory, even after I’ve blown something sky high with my willfulness, I can still go to Him, repent and He will forgive me. I am still learning to wrap my mind around that.

Why?

I’m proud. It’s very hard for me to admit I’ve done something wrong. I have a thousand uber good rationalizations for every wrong thing I’ve ever done. And they are precious to me. Almost as precious as my grudges.

So, I offend Him. I am learning to love Him, so I want to please Him. I battle and wipe out, and keep trying because it’s worth it.

Why?

Because no one else, has ever, or will ever, or can ever love me in all my damaged glory as much as God.

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