Our finest gifts we bring
I've been looking around, and people... I've been making some observations.
For starters, the air has gotten noticeably colder. Sometimes that cold manifests itself (as is my understanding) in the form of white flaky business in the air. Additionally, the top-right corner of my computer screen is telling me we're in the early stages of something called "Dec," which I take to mean that the year is drawing to a close. And all this adds up to one unassailable conclusion:
CHRISTMAS.
So since we've established the inexorable march of peace on Earth and good will towards men, you've got to be asking yourself, "Dan? How can I best honor the memory of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, He who is Risen to redeem our non-matzoh-based sins?" And I'm glad you asked, because frankly, I'm a bit concerned over the state of your immortal soul. And as it happens, the answer to your question is not only simple, it's awesome.
PRESENTS.
Yes, presents. The kingdom of heaven is accessible only by gathering around a tree ringed in tinsel* and giving presents to everyone you know. Lots of presents. The more the better.
And so now you've got to be saying to yourself, "Ugh, everyone I know? That sounds exhausting. And it does. You're absolutely right, I agree with you 100%, it sounds extremely exhausting. Thankfully, I've got you covered on this point as well. With one thin visit to the digital bookstore of your choice, you can buy as many copies of Stick Figure Hamlet as you please. Then you can get all your Christmas shopping done in one fell swoop!
Lemme tell ya, people. That's not redeemin' your soul hard... that's redeemin' your soul smart.
So to summarize, I have observed a drop in the air's temperature. By the hard and fast rules of logic, this has led me to the following conclusion: buying multiple copies of Stick Figure Hamlet is the only way to save your soul from eternal hellfire.
NICE.
---
*Pay no attention to Jeremiah 10:2-4. That was a typo.
For starters, the air has gotten noticeably colder. Sometimes that cold manifests itself (as is my understanding) in the form of white flaky business in the air. Additionally, the top-right corner of my computer screen is telling me we're in the early stages of something called "Dec," which I take to mean that the year is drawing to a close. And all this adds up to one unassailable conclusion:
CHRISTMAS.
So since we've established the inexorable march of peace on Earth and good will towards men, you've got to be asking yourself, "Dan? How can I best honor the memory of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, He who is Risen to redeem our non-matzoh-based sins?" And I'm glad you asked, because frankly, I'm a bit concerned over the state of your immortal soul. And as it happens, the answer to your question is not only simple, it's awesome.
PRESENTS.
Yes, presents. The kingdom of heaven is accessible only by gathering around a tree ringed in tinsel* and giving presents to everyone you know. Lots of presents. The more the better.
And so now you've got to be saying to yourself, "Ugh, everyone I know? That sounds exhausting. And it does. You're absolutely right, I agree with you 100%, it sounds extremely exhausting. Thankfully, I've got you covered on this point as well. With one thin visit to the digital bookstore of your choice, you can buy as many copies of Stick Figure Hamlet as you please. Then you can get all your Christmas shopping done in one fell swoop!
Lemme tell ya, people. That's not redeemin' your soul hard... that's redeemin' your soul smart.
So to summarize, I have observed a drop in the air's temperature. By the hard and fast rules of logic, this has led me to the following conclusion: buying multiple copies of Stick Figure Hamlet is the only way to save your soul from eternal hellfire.
NICE.
---
*Pay no attention to Jeremiah 10:2-4. That was a typo.