I'm so proud of myself. I read over a hundred pages about Nazis today, and only fell asleep once. And what's more, I found out that the topic is ridiculously easy--tell what the keys to the Nazis' success were--and that I'm required to do two less pages than I originally thought, only four pages. I could write the whole damn thing on propaganda.

So, I rewarded my hard work and went to the Friday movie the university was showing. This time it was the second Sherlock Holmes movie. The whole thing was very clever and funny, but now that I've seen the new BBC series Sherlock, I just don't feel that the Guy Ritchie movies quite compare. (Don't let it deter you from seeing them, they were both quite good. It's just that the BBC series is absolute genius.)

And now, I'm going to sit down, draw a little, and have a drink. Maybe watch some TV.

---

...that in order for me to get anything at all done, I need people to expect things of me.

I know that sounds kinda pathetic.  Writing, homework, cleaning, cooking, I need someone to expect it of me. Really, the only thing that I get done because I expect it of myself is my artwork, and even that has its limits; I almost feel like, since no one is pushing me but myself, there are things that I've never learned; I've only just recently begun to learn how to draw environment. The reason I do well in school? In order to avoid embarrassment of not doing so, of course.

...I'm gonna need a man who tells me to get do things, or nothing will ever get done.

( A little life, a little cooking, a little "queer theory"Collapse )


---

So after I had my little cry last night, I got over Michigan State's rejection pretty quickly. Being the type of person who doesn't take the risk of putting myself or my work out there very much for fear of rejection, I've never hardened myself to it. So really, that's what hurt the most. However, self-pity isn't my style; must be the German in me.

The fact is that, despite waiting for a letter for the University of Pennsylvania, even if I get in there's no guarantee that I'll go, anyway. It costs fucking $45,000 a year!

Just because graduate school is the most clear, outwardly safest path I could choose doesn't mean it's the only one I can take. (And y'know, maybe I won't end up paying off my school loans when I'm fifty, the way others will!) Luckily for me, you don't need a degree or a license to study history, the way you do with, say, medicine or law. I can still be a reputable historian without more schooling.

I'll figure it out.
---

So, I looked again at the requirements for applying to graduate school. Strangely, the University of Pennsylvania, which is an Ivy League school, is making it somewhat easier for me. One of the schools wants three recommendations from history professors specifically, as well as an "intellectual autobiography." Penn wants recs from professors related to history; basically, they're worried about me being culturally well-rounded, so if I had literature, philosophy, art, or poli-sci professors write recs, that might actually be better.

And I am officially going for history. I can do more with that than Classical Studies, I can broaden my research field, and I can probably skip learning French and choose something else. (Most American graduate schools require you to have four languages down in order to graduate; you don't necessarily have to be fluent, but you need to be able to comprehend them. And I'm sorry to those who are/love French, but it's not hugely interesting to me.) Which means I could go for a Slavic language, which might be good; it would mean that I'd have a Romantic, a Germanic, Greek, and a Slavic, and it would cover a good deal of Indo-European languages, at least in terms of perhaps looking at other similar languages and perhaps being able to guess some of them.

Now I get to go through the term papers, find a couple that are good representations of my skill, probably fix them up, and use them for my applications. I have never been so glad to have kept hard-copies of everything, because I have the comments my professors left. And I get to find another history professor that knows me well enough to write a recommendation (oddly, I've only had two that really know me.)

It's a little strange that I get enthusiastic about doing this kind of thing at ten at night...

---

The good news: I got all A's on my midterms. Really, I couldn't have a better language teacher, and I think helping a friend with Greek has been helping me learn faster too.

The bad news: I am really fucking behind on applying for Grad school. As in...I don't even have my recommendations yet. Fuck.

Also, I am starting to think about becoming an English teacher. Although, I don't have much of a grasp on any foreign languages (Classical Greek and Latin don't count). But I suppose if I was a teacher for more advanced students....

We'll see.

---

Talk about procrastination, I have two papers and the introduction to a third due tomorrow. I've done research for one, have to edit the second, and haven't even thought of a subject for the third.

Honestly, I think it's sort of bullshit to make us work so much for Ancient Philosophy, anyway; half of us are history majors with minors in Classical Studies, have never written a philosophy paper in our lives, and quite honestly don't want to spend our lives thinking in the manner of philosophers. That's why we study history, so that we work on fact, not fucking theory. Never mind that our professor has explicitly stated that he doesn't want us to use "big words," or try to be too eloquent. That we've act'ually been encouraged to use personal pronouns really irks me, since I've always regarded the use of them in academic writing to be unprofessional; the paper isn't supposed to be about you. I guess it only goes to show how arrogant philosophers can be.

I've never asked a professor for an extension in my life. And even if it wasn't wrong in these cases (one was extended already, due to my previous professor suffering from a stroke, and one was a term paper and thus we had a while to work on it), my pride would never allow it. So what am I doing? Seriously considering taking the prescription drugs I shouldn't have and pulling my first ever all-nighter.

( As usual, I think too muchCollapse )

In any case, I think it's time I started experimenting again, breaking free of my comfort zone, lest I completely stagnate.

I leave you with a most amazing video; in doing research for my mythology paper, I learned about onnagata, kabuki actors who specialize in playing female roles. And thus, I discovered Saotomi Taichi, who is incredibly popular, and actually quite amazing. Here is a dance he preforms on a Japanese TV show:


---

So everyone collects something; lately I've been "collecting" sunsets. My room is on the top floor of our building, and I get the most amazing view. This was tonight's sunset.

Of course, our school has to go and start planning months ahead for everything, so I've had to already to sign up for classes. Although, I have to admit, taking a class on Greek/Roman epics is pretty amazing. I hate feeling like school takes up my entire life now, but I'm at the point where I have to start really planning ahead. I need to consider what's going to be happening next year, meaning my need to get an internship, since I'll have one, maybe two classes all year, and where that'll be. And grad school, which I'll have to consider soon enough. At least where I'll be going.

There's something very frustrating about having all my friends leaving. Basically, I am younger than them, which means that they're all graduating this year. I kinda don't want to think about what I'm going to do when I need to get an apartment, considering that my parents want me to have a room mate the first year or so.

At least I'm doing alright at the moment; oddly, I was the only person on my last philosophy exam to argue that Plato was a hypocrite and a facist, when it seemed like such an easy essay compared to the other choices. (How do I know? I asked before class who had chosen, since he gives the question beforehand. No one raised their hand...) I kept thinking about the Complete History of the Soviety Union, Arranged to the Melody of Tetris. Why? Because The Republic basically describes a facist version of communism...

Which actually almost connects to a debate we had (including our professor) right before British History: We were preparing to discuss the invasion of Czechoslovakia before World War II, and how responsible British was for the invasion and subsequent World War. I brought up the opinion that no one, single person is ever responsible for war, and my professor (and some other students disagreed.) I made the argument that, even with extremely charismatic leaders people have a free will, and the power to stop something, and used the Macedonians' sit-down strike at the Ganges as an example; sure, the situation wasn't quite the same, but Alexander was incredibly well-loved, charismatic, talked his soldier into just about anything, but in the end didn't have the power to make anyone do anything.

Anyway, class was going to start, and our professor made the point that it's an interesting topic, the power of the individual vs the group in history. I don't go supremely one way or the other--it would be like choosing between an absolute monarchy and socialism, neither of which I support--but I do believe that it takes two, so to speak.

Just a thought.

---

So I've been gone forever. (I say "gone" meaning my posts have been far apart) I swear, there's a reason!

I'm very good at choosing classes for school. So good that I manage to get loaded with work. My American Colonies class is the first time I've looked at the study guide and realized that it's wholly dependent on essays, full of stuff that I don't know. I'm pretty notorious for not studying, but I think it's something that'll have to happen this time. Because I am actually afraid of this exam.

Although my midterm for folklore is pretty easy, there's a lot of work involved. Lots of reading stories. Sounds fun, until you spend three hours reading different versions of Cinderella. They're mostly all the same, but have little differences that I have to know. I was not surprised, actually, that the earliest version is from China, where girls used to bind their feet to make them as small as possible.

I've been watching a number of faerytale-based movies lately, many of which actually deserve some say about them. (I'm telling how they go, literally; there are spoilers, if there's such a thing with this kind of movie.)

( Summaries of moviesCollapse )

Later in the semester we're supposed to watch The Company of Wolves, which is based off Little Red Riding Hood. So I'm waiting until I can just watch it there, instead of a crappy version on youtube. But these dark versions of folktales have gotten into my system a bit.

I've got winter break all next week, though, so hopefully I'll get around to writing and drawing. And hopefully I'll have finished getting all the pieces of my Regulus cosplay, and I'll get pictures of that up. (I need a wig and some grey trousers. And probably shoes.)

Apparently the woman in that commercial was so scared she couldn't think grammatically.

( Read more...Collapse )
Over and out.

I genuinely dislike physics. To the point that I've avoided it for most of my life. However, there is now a formula that I shall never forget. It was given to me by the Greek history teacher, when we were going over phalanx warfare. So here's how it goes.

Force=mass x acceleration.

That's how you'll know who wins. Unless you have:

Force=mass x acceleration x Spartans.

Thus when you have 500 Spartans and 500 Corinthians, the fact that the S factor in the Corinthians = 0 nulls the 500; there is no battle, because there's no force at all with the Corinthians, because chances are they've all taken off.

So I hope that you have all learned something. That formula will stick with me for the rest of my life.

In the meantime, I've learned a decent amount about warfare in the Bronze Age, so I get to take that into account when writing. Like the fact that they all had riot shields. Which means if you get knocked over, good luck on getting back up, because that thing is strapped onto your arm. I think it could make things more interesting with my writing. Which I do intend to get back to >.< .

I refuse to complain about school this time. I'm trying this new thing called optimism, which means sucking it up even though my American Indian history class is basically a big guilt-trip for Europeans. It takes away most of the things for me to talk about.

I do get to make clothes for my friends because I'm a sucker I love them so much. Yeah. Last time I did was for the first time with a new "customer" who is both honest and picky. She loved it. So I'm feeling a little better about my sewing skillz. Anyone else who complains can just shove it, because I'm doing the best I can on a tight schedule. You can see how good my optimism is, right?

So that's about if for a status report.

Oh, and I found a YouTube video of someone playing the First Delphic Hymn to Apollo. I hope even you non-grecophiles out there will appreciate it. I think it's beautiful.