I feel like I should be posting a lot, since canyonwalker is out of town and I have a lot of free time, but I've fallen into a minor depression. It's completely situational and will work itself out. However, it's annoying I always have things I want to say when I'm in it, but I never can find my words. It's still hard for me to find my words, but let me try to push it out anyway.

1) I'm in this downward spiral because I've been back on my cane for 1.5 weeks now, and not 100% sure when I'm getting off of it. canyonwalker and I had an epic, would have died if we weren't experienced/hadn't had emergency supplies with us, hike over President's Day weekend when we went out with my cousins[1], and it tweaked my back some. My back didn't go out then, but just over a week later. So I've been dealing with living by myself in a three story house with a screwed up back, while I'm on a cane, and holding onto my spoons tightly. I can force myself to do the necessities, but other than that I'm on the dang couch vegging so I have enough energy to do what I need to. Let's not forget about the fact that the car that is easiest to get in/out of was in the shop for most of the first week, so it was even more draining than it should have been to get out and about. I've got awesome friends who would help out, but I've been accurately described as being "pathologically independent". *shrug* What'cha gonna do about it?

To take the pity back a step, I am getting better each day, especially as I have regular physical therapy and massage. That doesn't mean I'm not starting to get stir crazy that walking 1.5 miles is enough to make me limp for the rest of the day and contemplate just cutting the leg off. Not that it would help any. Also, my new doctor's office really went above and beyond for me. They bought the practice from my old doctor so nominally they have my records and know that I'm a chronic pain patient. But knowing it and properly reacting to it are two different things. They got me in for an emergency appointment, listened to me when I explained my history, and gave me the anti-inflammatory and breakthrough pain killers I needed without looking at me as if I wasn't worthy. I was concerned that without an advocate (spouse) who could be more "objective" that they'd look at me like a drug seeker. I'm incredibly pleased at how it went.

2) canyonwalker's father is in the hospital again, and while he's been talking with his siblings some, I'm also doing some of the coordinating since he's out of the country and I'm not. It's been on a knife-edge each day whether I might go out there before he gets home, and whether we will be leaving the day after he gets home to get out there. Spoiler alert: We still have no idea. He's sick enough to be in the hospital, but he's been sick for a while. We can't go out for every bout, or we'd be traveling every few weeks. We were already starting to plan a trip before this bout, and I'd rather go out in a few weeks planned than emergency right now if I had my druthers. However, fate doesn't usually listen to my druthers, so we're taking it day by day.

3) I'm now officially re-diagnosed with IBS. It's weird, but I had forgotten I was diagnosed with it as a child. Then again, when I was a child, doctors didn't tell you anything. The diagnosis was all "eat more roughage!", so I don't feel too bad about forgetting about it. I'd already made changes to my diet while waiting on the blood work and it was helping some. However, the diagnosis means that they can prescribe me some medication. I'm only on my first day of Linzess, and I'm already a fan. I'm pretty much a fan of anything that's not narcotics that gets rid of my pain. However, as much as it helps the pain, I swear to Elath that if it causes me to gain weight, I will be off it faster than you can blink. I'm over having my medication causing me to gain weight. I still have another 30 pounds to lose that the (&$(%*&*$ nerve medication caused me to gain.

4) In good news I had a decent first interview today with a company. It's not a management position, but it is a knowledge management position. I consider that a fair trade-off. I'll find out mid next week how that goes. I'm crossing fingers, but not toes or holding my breath.

5) In more good news, I've made three necklaces in the past week, so I wasn't that deep in depression. One was a commission, one is definitely for sale, one is maybe for sale. I need to get that dang business license, but I'm not sure what I want my business name to be. I was bouncing ideas off a friend today, but I'm not 100% sure I liked any of them enough to use them. I also need to get pictures up. Maybe this weekend. Definitely some time next week, if I remember to take the final pictures before we (probably) take our last minute trip out East.

6) In humorous news, the Nazi plumbing truck that was sitting next to the Coexist bumper sticker has been gone since I loudly talked on the phone about the Nazi symbolism as I was passing it and the trucks owner. I don't know if it's coincidental, if the owner quit the company, or they're changing the logo, but I don't care right now. Any day that I can walk (hobble) my neighborhood without having to deal with being reminded of how casual people can be in their anti-semitism is a better day in my mind.

7) Lastly, canyonwalker will be home tomorrow, and I can stop pretending that I'm Rogue and can do everything myself. Even without that, having him home makes me happy. Which makes me think of Billy Joel's You're my home, and I'm going to end this before I get more schmaltzy. Maybe I'll go listen to P!nk's True Love instead to get my head on better. *g*

[1]Which I will write up sometime soon. Probably. These past 2 weeks would have been a good time to, but while I don't regret the hike and the pain coming from it, it's still stirring up issues when I try to write it up.

talons / Rake your talons / Link

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Tags: anti-semitism, beading, bf, bigotry, chronic pain, daily grind, doctors, ibs, jewelry, job search, list