I feel like I should be posting a lot, since canyonwalker is out of town and I have a lot of free time, but I've fallen into a minor depression. It's completely situational and will work itself out. However, it's annoying I always have things I want to say when I'm in it, but I never can find my words. It's still hard for me to find my words, but let me try to push it out anyway.

1) I'm in this downward spiral because I've been back on my cane for 1.5 weeks now, and not 100% sure when I'm getting off of it. canyonwalker and I had an epic, would have died if we weren't experienced/hadn't had emergency supplies with us, hike over President's Day weekend when we went out with my cousins[1], and it tweaked my back some. My back didn't go out then, but just over a week later. So I've been dealing with living by myself in a three story house with a screwed up back, while I'm on a cane, and holding onto my spoons tightly. I can force myself to do the necessities, but other than that I'm on the dang couch vegging so I have enough energy to do what I need to. Let's not forget about the fact that the car that is easiest to get in/out of was in the shop for most of the first week, so it was even more draining than it should have been to get out and about. I've got awesome friends who would help out, but I've been accurately described as being "pathologically independent". *shrug* What'cha gonna do about it?

To take the pity back a step, I am getting better each day, especially as I have regular physical therapy and massage. That doesn't mean I'm not starting to get stir crazy that walking 1.5 miles is enough to make me limp for the rest of the day and contemplate just cutting the leg off. Not that it would help any. Also, my new doctor's office really went above and beyond for me. They bought the practice from my old doctor so nominally they have my records and know that I'm a chronic pain patient. But knowing it and properly reacting to it are two different things. They got me in for an emergency appointment, listened to me when I explained my history, and gave me the anti-inflammatory and breakthrough pain killers I needed without looking at me as if I wasn't worthy. I was concerned that without an advocate (spouse) who could be more "objective" that they'd look at me like a drug seeker. I'm incredibly pleased at how it went.

2) canyonwalker's father is in the hospital again, and while he's been talking with his siblings some, I'm also doing some of the coordinating since he's out of the country and I'm not. It's been on a knife-edge each day whether I might go out there before he gets home, and whether we will be leaving the day after he gets home to get out there. Spoiler alert: We still have no idea. He's sick enough to be in the hospital, but he's been sick for a while. We can't go out for every bout, or we'd be traveling every few weeks. We were already starting to plan a trip before this bout, and I'd rather go out in a few weeks planned than emergency right now if I had my druthers. However, fate doesn't usually listen to my druthers, so we're taking it day by day.

3) I'm now officially re-diagnosed with IBS. It's weird, but I had forgotten I was diagnosed with it as a child. Then again, when I was a child, doctors didn't tell you anything. The diagnosis was all "eat more roughage!", so I don't feel too bad about forgetting about it. I'd already made changes to my diet while waiting on the blood work and it was helping some. However, the diagnosis means that they can prescribe me some medication. I'm only on my first day of Linzess, and I'm already a fan. I'm pretty much a fan of anything that's not narcotics that gets rid of my pain. However, as much as it helps the pain, I swear to Elath that if it causes me to gain weight, I will be off it faster than you can blink. I'm over having my medication causing me to gain weight. I still have another 30 pounds to lose that the (&$(%*&*$ nerve medication caused me to gain.

4) In good news I had a decent first interview today with a company. It's not a management position, but it is a knowledge management position. I consider that a fair trade-off. I'll find out mid next week how that goes. I'm crossing fingers, but not toes or holding my breath.

5) In more good news, I've made three necklaces in the past week, so I wasn't that deep in depression. One was a commission, one is definitely for sale, one is maybe for sale. I need to get that dang business license, but I'm not sure what I want my business name to be. I was bouncing ideas off a friend today, but I'm not 100% sure I liked any of them enough to use them. I also need to get pictures up. Maybe this weekend. Definitely some time next week, if I remember to take the final pictures before we (probably) take our last minute trip out East.

6) In humorous news, the Nazi plumbing truck that was sitting next to the Coexist bumper sticker has been gone since I loudly talked on the phone about the Nazi symbolism as I was passing it and the trucks owner. I don't know if it's coincidental, if the owner quit the company, or they're changing the logo, but I don't care right now. Any day that I can walk (hobble) my neighborhood without having to deal with being reminded of how casual people can be in their anti-semitism is a better day in my mind.

7) Lastly, canyonwalker will be home tomorrow, and I can stop pretending that I'm Rogue and can do everything myself. Even without that, having him home makes me happy. Which makes me think of Billy Joel's You're my home, and I'm going to end this before I get more schmaltzy. Maybe I'll go listen to P!nk's True Love instead to get my head on better. *g*

[1]Which I will write up sometime soon. Probably. These past 2 weeks would have been a good time to, but while I don't regret the hike and the pain coming from it, it's still stirring up issues when I try to write it up.

talons / Rake your talons / Link

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Tags: anti-semitism, beading, bf, bigotry, chronic pain, daily grind, doctors, ibs, jewelry, job search, list

"Strengthen your core", they say. "If you strengthen your core, your chronic disk issues will go away", they claim.

I say "My core is stronger than ever (and has never been weak, no matter what you claim!). Where is this pain relief you speak of?"

*bangs head on wall*

talons / Rake your talons / Link

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Tags: chronic pain, doctors, grr argh, the lies i've been told

At least, don't tell me it's probably benign in a letter and then ask me to come back in 6 months "to confirm this area has not changed".

Personally, I'm annoyed because this is a horrible way to tell someone that their mammogram has something to be worried about. I was in the office where the radiologist interpreted it. They could have come and talked with me so I could ask questions about probabilities. Instead I get a stupid form letter that's supposed to be reassuring. My mother had kidney cancer. I am quite aware that a 6 month cycle means that there's something they are concerned about.

Fuck them. I have an appointment with my primary care tomorrow night about my most recent back herniation, and I'll make him figure out for me if I should really bother going back in 6 months.

talons / Rake your talons / Link

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Tags: doctors, idiots, stupidity, wtf

Things I hate:
1) My back, my knees, my shoulders, my big toes... basically every part of my body that can potentially throw out.
2) Narcotics. I do not enjoy being high as a kite, even if it does take away the pain.

Things I appreciate:
1) canyonwalker
2) My boss. I highly doubt she will actually be able to take care of everything tomorrow with me unexpectedly out - without having to call me - but I appreciate that her first instinct was to try.
3) Doctor's who know me, make sure I have prescriptions on hand "just in case", and then actually respond to emergency calls on a weekend.

Fuck you, back, and the horse that you wouldn't be able to rid in on.

talons / Rake your talons / Link

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Tags: 42, bf, doctors, hgttg, injury, medical, pain, work

In case I missed someone, thanks for all the help that was offered. At the moment, I'm just going without a ring until my pain issues are mostly gone. Actually, I'm going without all jewelry right now because I'm not trusting even a little bit of metal against my skin at the moment, even if it's something not as tight as a ring.

On the whole, each day is getting better and better which is wonderful, as this problem's been bothering me since September. Last night was a random throwback, where I wanted to rip my arm off and beat everyone else with it. Thankfully, it's better this morning and I don't have to deal with that type of pain level as often anymore.

Maybe the shoulder was just reminding me of how it had been, as I'm off to see the doctor today. If the doctor disbelieves the concept of how I'm allergic to metal? I'm firing him. I'm done with having doctors not believe me when I've either 1) have proof from other doctors that this is how my body works and/or 2) I've done a lot of testing on myself and know that there is at least a correlation between x & y.

Hopefully it will go well. We'll see.

talons / Rake your talons / Link

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Tags: chronic pain, doctors, ill, pain

You know the pleasure-pain that comes from turning on the shower just slightly hotter than you can handle, focusing that heat on your madly itching poison oak, and then turning the heat up more?

No? You're lucky. The 6 largish patches I have were not being helped by the over the counter stuff, so I took today off to see the doctor and get the good stuff. The good stuff is good. Thank Elath.

I finally got everything mailed that I had picked up for various people at SDCC. I finally left the poster about the Castle graphic novel at the comic store for my friend. Coincidentally, the Castle graphic novel came out this week. I picked it up, but have not read it yet.

[BTW, while writing this, a spider walked against my leg and then started walking on my bed. I'm very hands off on spiders, unless I know they're poisonous. Or they get on my bed. Once they're on my bed, they're very, very dead.]

Things still to do, but not tonight:
1) Rant about the vacuous, sex kitten, whore that DC turned Starfire into.
2) Put up pictures of the cookies I made. The "boobies" the friend requested got turned into bikini-clad breasts, and they came out pretty well.
3) Process pictures & post them

talons / Rake your talons / Link

This entry was originally posted at http://merhawk.dreamwidth.org/485085.html. Please comment there. If you don't have a DW account, you can use OpenID, or ask me for an invite code (if I know you/know of you). I might have extras.

Tags: baking, cookies, dc comics, doctors, pain, poison oak, san diego comic con, starfire

15 Things Not to Say to Someone With RA

If you swap out Rheumatoid Arthritis with almost any other chronic issues, the advice remains the same.

Even with all my experience in having chronic issues, I'm guilty of not being perfect in my interactions. #15 is the worst, for me - many times (but not always) I give open-ended offers of help, rather than specifics. But when I know something I can do specifically that I can offer, I do offer that.

For me, the thing that will make me want to hurt you the most? The "you're too young" or the "I know someone who has it worse than you".

So. Fucking. What? It doesn't make me feel better that others are worse off, it just makes me feel as if I'm "complaining" too much/not deserving of help, regardless of whether or not it's true. And the you're too young? I've even gotten that from good doctors. Why does it matter that I'm too young? I have the issue, I'm obviously a statistical outlier, let's go from there and fix it and stop harping about how I shouldn't have these issues at my age. If more doctors had listened to my symptoms, rather than paid attention to my age, most of my problems would never have gotten as bad as they have.

Tags: doctors, health, injury, news, pain

Dear Doctor's Office,

I can understand that a doctor will not be in the office on a day they expected to, so you need to reschedule my appointment.

That's fine.

What is not fine is YOU calling and telling how you have rescheduled it, without any input from me. You do not know what other appointments or obligations I might have, or even if I will be in town.

To make matters worse, you didn't talk with me but leave a voicemail.

You better have an appointment for me within a day or two of when I made it, rather than 9 days later, because there is a reason the doctor wanted me to have my appointment at that time.

Completely unacceptable.

With annoyance,

Hawk

ETA: Ah, so you do it this way because it's more convenient for you when rescheduling 4 days worth of appointments. I'm positive I'm not the only person who reacts poorly to someone else, without my consent, scheduling me. I'm sure you'd spend much less time on customer service doing it the other way. It's not all about the doctor's office convenience, just like it's not all about mine, so don't get shirty with me. Especially as I got that appointment SPECIFICALLY because of the timeframe the doctor wanted. Going from "Well, March is wide open" 3 weeks ago to getting me in 2 weeks after the specific timeframe the doctor wanted to see me in? Does not make a happy raptor.

Tags: doctors, letters
Mood: annoyed