No more excuses.

I'm not on LJ anymore now, except for this yearly ritual. I'm mostly at peace with this now, although there are times when I wonder if going back to keeping a daily journal would help with my writing at all. I don't know.

But here we are again, LJ, to fulfill the prophecy once more.

What a fucking year.

( There were days when I'd think I was losing my mind.Collapse )

All right. I'm ready now. May it be a better year, a stronger year, a brighter year, for us and all of us.

Well LJ. I finally failed you completely. It's been exactly a year since my last post, since in accordance with the prophecy I must complete the new year's meme.

I think of you often, LJ. I miss you. Tumblr was pretty good to me this year, but it'll never be quite the same.

*wistful sigh*

( Anyway, on with the prophecy.Collapse )

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, a little differently. May this be a better year for us, and all of us.

Happy New Year. May it be a good year for us, and all of us.

...so really, I do intend to post pictures from New Mexico eventually, now that it's been almost 6 months, but we've all noticed I'm a little slow on...everything.

Hi LJ.

I appreciated the comments on my last post! I just wanted to say that! LJ will always be a place where I was actually capable of meeting people and making friends, something I find sorely lacking in other places >.>.

Anyway. It's a new year, and that means I must complete my traditional year-end meme, even though my LJ presence has been horrifically lacking. I am not altogether gone! Also I know my mom still checks. Hi mom.

( Back to the wall, back to the wall, back to the drawing board...Collapse )

Happy New Year. May it be a good year for us, and all of us.

Oh LJ. My poor LJ.

Hello.

Now that it's officially been over four months since my last post, I just wanted to let people know: my arm got better.

In fact it got better scarily fast. Five days after I fell, I saw an orthopedist who essentially said "yeah you should already start trying to get your movement back." I proceeded to wear the sling about two more days after that and then just started leaving it home. So shelving was hard for a bit, and I couldn't lift things or take out the recycling, but three weeks later it was pretty normal, and then one day something popped and I could straighten it again.

And now all my movement is back again. It's almost scary: at 10 I fell 2 feet onto linoleum and destroyed my elbow. At 30 I fell down a flight of concrete stairs and didn't even need a cast. I'm not really sure how this works, but I did wear my Superman and Captain America shirts a lot while first injured to activate my super healing powers. I guess it worked?

So that happened.

Have you seen "Pacific Rim?" I saw "Pacific Rim." I saw it three times. I absolutely fell in love with it. It melted my goddamn face off. I don't even have words for how amazing it made me feel. Okay, I have some, but I'll discuss them below.

In July, Chris, my parents and I went to New Mexico for a week. It was the first actual vacation I've gone on in nearly 10 years, and the longest I've been away from any job since I started my retail career. My parents are longtime New Mexico fans, but it was Chris' first time, and my first trip to the southwest. It was different than I expected, much less sand, much more scrubland. Also the terrain changed about every 15 minutes. I was adamant that we go to Los Alamos and Roswell. And so it was done.

After we got back from New Mexico, I undid all the vacation-y goodness by working for 7 days straight and staying up late sewing every night because OTAKON. So jou had the enviable task of dealing with me having a panic attack, and then dragging my corpse around, because I managed to get a sinus infection and spent half the con feeling like mucusy death. I also didn't get to see nearly enough of mossgreen, minigendo, biggie and silver_miko. But I did sell $300 in dolls; 11 out of 16 sold, and I took commissions. It's not a lot by many artist's standards, but it's the best I've ever done at Otakon and I was very pleased. I also managed to take most of it home, because what's anime, I don't know what anime is anymore.

Except for this one thing...

Due to a conspiring of fates and stars, I started watching "Attack on Titan." I was kind of "meh" at first. And then.

..let's just say I now have an "Attack on Titan Survey Corps/Scouting Legion/Wings of Freedom" sweatshirt and I've barely taken it off since I got it last week. I never thought I'd love an anime this much again. I'm a little scared and a little horrified, and a little happy.

Actually, I wrote a post about it. It's here. I know that's something I sort of owed to LJ, but I kind of suck lately. It's not as artful or succinct as I wanted it to be, but it matters to me that I was finally able to 1) write something, and 2) write about how difficult fandom and fandom feelings have been for me over the past 2 years.

We passed the anniversary of my "scene" yesterday actually. I'm seeing a therapist. I'm doing pretty okay with my job, although I'm now the leader of the media team and all I actually care about is DVDs, but I need to learn how to price records (which I've been avoiding since forever).

It's also finally starting to feel like fall.

Jujubee and Olivia went to the vet recently, and the prognosis was "Jujubee is healthy and perfect, and Olivia is healthy, she's just old." My little old lady pig. Yesterday I had to pull Juju out from under my dresser, where she wandered while I was cleaning the cage. Honestly, if that's the most naughty she gets, I think things are going pretty well.

The other day I realized I was feeling very PMS-y when I nearly started crying over the Kennedy Assassination. That was interesting.

I suppose that's all for now, although I do intend to post some NEW MEXICO ADVENTURE (read: ROSWELL) pictures.

I hope everyone is doing well.

So LJ, hi.

I want to apologize in advance to some people who will find this redundant, but I'm making this post with a lot of bits of conversations/tumblr posts I made today because typing with one hand is very tedious.

This morning (well, Friday morning now), I made a routine trip to my parents' house to do pig laundry and take the girls to play in the grass - it was going to be Juju's first garden outing, since last summer was too dry.
And then my plans kind of violently changed when I fell facefirst down some stone steps on the side of the house. Stairs that I had successfully gone up and down twice just moments before. As I was falling, my thought process was something like "I can't even believe this is happening."

Luckily I wasn't carrying the pigs, it was just me and the stairs. And luckily my dad was home. And on the positive, I didn't hit my head.

( Cut for blood and injury talk.Collapse )

Long story short: 20 years later, I broke my arm again. I also busted my right leg, so when I feel like attempting to move I lurch around like Frankenhooker, which would be cool if not for the awful pain. No head injury, and despite the fact that I should have landed on it, aside from a few scrapes my right arm was unscathed. They apparently don't put a cast on this kind of break, so I just have a sling, a wrist brace, and vicodin. Chris insists I let him take care of me. Oh, and the pigs are fine, except that Juju did not get her first grasstime. :(

Hopefully I'll be relatively healed by the time we go to New Mexico. This does put a huge damper on my sewing for Otakon dolls, though. It's incredibly annoying to me that I'm pretty much confined to the couch for the next many days and I can't sew because oops, radius connects to thumb.

..and I really need a shower, which is really going to be an adventure considering I have no idea how I'm going to get my tank tops off (one of them is the nice sport top monkeybobert got me for my birthday so I really don't want to take a scissors to it).

Also I can't seem to sleep and sooner or later I'm going to run out of "Life of Mammals" on netflix, and then I don't know what I'll do.

The moral of the story is Amber's worst injuries are always her own fault. As biggie_ said, I am "one special fucking snowflake."

Tonight at work I spent a long time being irritable at train magazines. It's a special kind of irritation that can only be brought on by a giant box of model magazines that I have to make into reasonable bundles and when they told me I'd be working on it tonight, my first reaction was "oh god, what did I do?"

The other night my boss suggested I apply for a shift leader/inventory manager job, apparently because I'm "so awesome and would be really awesome at it." But I don't really want to be closer to her crazy than I am already, because that's what destroyed my world at Four Star, not to mention I don't necessarily want the responsibility of being a shift leader. I'm concerned, however, that she'll get upset if I don't apply. I dunno. Blargh.

Anyway, hi.

I've started getting ready for Otakon. As some may recall (read: no one) the last time, I went to Otakon, this was my plan:



Not all that ambitious, and in the end I only finished two of those pieces, and just one of them sold.

But, not being one to learn from history, I have foregone internet and reading and spent almost all my free time the past week working on this:



O hai living room floor, you seem to have pieces of an entire bridge crew there. With four of each person, except Chekov because I kind of forgot about him until the last minute and Scotty is missing his hair bits because I don't know what color to make his hair - I've seen people do it a kind of Simon Pegg-y strawberry blond? But is brown better? Who knows. Yeah uh. So that's just the Star Trek part. I haven't even started the Avengers or Teen Wolf parts. My hand already hurts and cutting out those pieces alone took more hours than I want to think about. In conclusion, my ideas are good? Who knows.

-Speaking of Star Trek, ( I guess I should mention that movie that happened?Collapse )

I guess I'll do that annoying bullet point thing again now:

-RED WEDDING. I liked it. I understand that there's a lot in "Game of THrones" that makes people unhappy/hits triggers and squicks, but it manages to hit none of my squicks whatsoever, and remains something that, in dark fandom time, made me feel safe, and still makes me happy.

-I've been watching "Elementary." I've been watching a lot of "Elementary." Actually when I ran out I just started over again. I will very likely be buying it when it comes out.

-I drove feels_like_fire to O'hare the other week, partly out of the goodness out of my heart, and partly to go to Mitsuwa. I'm going to retrieve her tomorrow and stop there again, where I will paid inordinate amounts of money for bottled tea, mushikeeki, and jagariko, three of my favorite things in this world.

-I spent money on music for once, and downloaded Dessa's "A Badly Broken Code" from itunes. It's fantastic. It's so good. I'm so happy with it. I highly recommend her to anyone always. Here's the first song off the album, you know, if you want.

-Chris got me a "Pepsi Throwback" with real sugar last night, and suddenly I could taste the difference between real sugar and corn syrup. Shit son. If there was any way to get real sugar Pepsi in fountain soda form I might just cry tears of pure diamond joy.

-Actually I've been reading a book about the diamond industry at work. It's called "Diamond: The History of a Cold Blooded Love Affair." It's okay. It was published in 2001, though, so I can't help but wonder what the past decade has added to the story.

-I've started seeing a new therapist. It was strange today because I felt good, so I was almost like "do I need to do this?" Yes, Amber, you need to do this.

-My dad will be 65 tomorrow, happy birthday dad!

All right. My scissor-wielding hand is feeling a little funky, so I guess I should give it a break. No more train magazine for at least 36 hours. Yessss.

I just made ramen at midnight, and I figured that was as good a time as any to make an LJ post, since I really suck at them, and I don't really have much to say but I sure can ramble.

So here's a list of thoughts/experiences/things/stuff/shrewbiousity in no particular order, although I'll try to be somewhat chronologicalish.

-Hate fandom, fail at fandom, have breakdown, so much for that "giving it up" thing. That last post was kind of stupid, although I really did love that dumb book.

-Never writing again is going pretty great, if by great I mean something like "complicated and conflicting feelings of being a failure and a let down and what if I used up all my ideas writing shit when I was in high school why can't I fandom I miss characters I loved and didn't hate and blah."

-About two weeks ago I started coughing at work. I thought it was allergies. I found out three people at work were sick. Then my nose started running and the sad fact is that I have enough allergy problems to be able to tell when something ISN'T allergies. Ultimately what happened is I had a cough, a runny nose, and a fever of 102. I haven't been that sick since high school. I stayed at my house and spent a sleepless night watching almost an entire set of MSTs, at least one of them twice. It should be noted that even though the bottle of ibuprofen says not to take more than 6 in 24 hours, my doctor friend assures me this isn't true. God I wish I'd know that.

-It took a long time to feel better. Actually I've really only started to feel better (and actually want to eat things) in the past few days. I was sad for a while. I didn't go online for a week. That might have been good.

-I'm trying to actively not think about fandom. That's also doing some good.

-Saw "Iron Man 3," and I really liked it, which I think is saying something since a) I thought the second movie was super weak and a total letdown and b) Tony Stark and I have not always been any kind of friends. But yeah. It made me happy. I was pleased.

-Will be seeing Star Trek this week, but I'm trying to go in with no expectations except that I will see Sulu, and eat popcorn. I feel like there's been so much negatively surrounding it and considering my mental state re: fandom, it's just better this way.

-I finally learned how to read after "The Passage." What brought me out was "Bringing Out the Dead," which I already knew had been made into an excellent movie, and proved itself to be an excellent book. A few of my favorite lines weren't in the book, but it was really exceptional.

-I also finally read "Middlesex," like ten years later. It honestly lived up to the hype. I loved it.

-Also "Sharp Objects," since everyone is all about Gillian Flynn right now because of "Gone Girl." It was super dark and distressed me, but I keep thinking about it, so I guess I really liked it. It made me want to read "In the Woods" again, but I've been feeling that way for a while.

-You know what I do love, though? "Game of Thrones." It's a fandom that doesn't hurt me and doesn't ask anything from me and I can watch it and just love it. It's just so fucking good I want to pet it with my teeth. I wish anyone could actually write fic about Jaime and Brienne being bro-ish, but non-fic writers living in glass fandoms shouldn't throw stones or whatever. Not to mention that the depth of the source material beyond the show makes it difficult. The point is USBGisdubgskb I actively adore it. I am sad that in the summer I won't be able to wear my House Targaryen sweatshirt as much. That is why I need a Golden Company shirt. But first I must earn it.

-I need to get back into sewing. It's hard to sew when you're sad. I owe thistlerose her poor dolls, which are pretty much just waiting to have their photoshoots, but the weather has been awful or I have been too something to get anything done. But I need to actually have shit for Otakon this time.

-OTAKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. Yesssssssssssssssssss. We will be together again.

-Prior to Ota, going to New Mexico with my parents and Chris for my mom's 70th birthday. Have requested we go to Los Alamos and Roswell, where I will see the aliens. Sad to learn that Area 51 and Groom Lake are actually in Nevada, and that you are not allowed near the Trinity test site yet.

-I need very much to find a therapist for my various issues. Last week my mom said "I don't know that anyone had any idea throwing up would send you into such a spiral," and I was thinking, "Well I did, I just didn't know no one else picked up on it." But yeah. It just seems, as so many things do, like such an incredible effort, and on days when I don't feel sad, I don't want to think about it. By the way, if anyone hasn't seen it yet, this article on depression by Hyperbole and a Half is pretty astounding. I have never been suicidal, but a lot of the time when I talk about my emetophobia, my fears, or my fandom feelings, I feel like I'm showing people my dead fish. I also found this about anxiety, which is also pretty spot on. GOD IF ONLY I COULD SOMEHOW EXPRESS MY OWN FEELINGS IN SUCH A MANNER.

-I've been thinking about starting a blog for my movie collection, wherein I watch one of them every few days and then blather about it. But I'm so good at LJ right now, I'm not sure how well I'd do.

-I feel like I should end this on a somewhat positive note, though.

-My guinea pigs are beautiful.

-In...I think March, I got to see Dessa of Doomtree, and it was really incredible. She had such presence. I get compliments on my Dess t-shirt every time I wear it too. (Now I just need Doomtree to come here).

-In April I got to meet JuJubee, my favorite drag queen. She performed at the UW and it was incredible. She was so gorgeous and positive and life-affirming and funny and talented, and I actually got to go up to her, hug her, give her pictures of piggy-Jujubee, and hug her more. She told me I looked beautiful and that she loved me. It was almost a spiritual experience. I need to think about it more when I'm feeling low.





And I guess for now, that's that.

So as I think I mentioned, or eluded to, or maybe didn't say but thought I did because I feel like I talk about it so much in real life...I've not been writing. I haven't really written in a long time. I'm trying to sort of slowly work my way back. Trying to write more on LJ is part of that.

I've been kind of haunted by the Avengers fandom since I "joined" it. I tried to resist it, I stored my feelings in a place close to my anxiety center, to a point where a lot of times Avengers things made me nervous or scared me. I've had and lost enough fandoms and interests to feel like I needed a wall around my heart to be able to deal with it. I don't know that that aspect was wrong, but it certainly made sharing it or making any of the characters truly a part of me extremely difficult.

For a long time, a very long time, I wanted to write a story about Hawkeye and Black Widow. Not a romantic story, not completely, but just about them. A story that would cover the things that I hadn't been able to find in any fics about them; a way to add what I thought was missing.

And I couldn't do it.

I couldn't find my way to any sort of plot, there were moments but no way to connect them, my own fear of writing and anger at myself ruined many attempts of writing and made me afraid. So afraid.

I finally had a conversation with enigma731 who at that time had little interest in the fandom, and was able to remain unbiased. It was illuminating, gave me insight on what I might say, and at the same time, accidentally started to pull her in.

But then something else happened - actually it had happened the weekend before, but I only started to recognize the impact when I couldn't seem to shake it.



I picked up this book at work while I was pulling paperbacks for clearance. I knew we'd seen it often enough, usually there were several hardcover copies in the horror section. I liked the colors and the trees on the cover. I decided to read it.

( This gets long and emotional, so I cut it to spare you all. :FCollapse )

So I just wanted to say that. I don't care if anyone else ever reads this book. If you love it or hate it or have no interest. I just...used to write about things that did this to me, and I felt I owed it to the book and myself, and maybe to Clint and Natasha, to get this all out. To embrace (and weirdly cherish) this book (in spite of how it MESSED ME UP) I never meant to read and then be glad that my lights are still on and hope for a future better than the one it portrays. To forgive myself, just a little, for not always being as strong in the dark passages of my life. To work on making it through them. To take it all and move on.

Now I'm going to eat some pizza.

Dear LJ.

Technically, this isn't my first post of 2013. I made one in February on a very bad day, but it's private and locked and about writing.

This is about writing too. This is about how stopping writing in my LJ almost every day has probably contributed to my lack of writing in general. I used to narrate my days in my head, and then put them somewhere; they haven't gone anywhere lately. And I need to try again.

Hello LJ.

I turned 30 two weeks ago. It was pretty exciting. I had a party that was just as I wanted and I cooked for it and I felt beautiful, I felt accomplished.

My LJ also turned 10 about a month ago.

I remember writing in it for the first time in my sophomore dorm room, and I'm writing this now on the couch in my apartment, where I live with my boyfriend and my guinea pigs, and 10 years ago seems like so long ago, and I'm trying to remember what I did with all that time.

I lived in Japan and I got a guinea pig again and I graduated from college. I started working at a store that I loved, I spent all night online with friends from LJ, I applied and got into grad school and I moved to Virginia and I went to a dark place, one of the darkest places of my life. I left grad school and came home and became a store manager. My house was hit by a tornado. I saw the end of a seven year relationship. I lost my remaining grandmother, one of my grandfathers, and Oni. I moved into an apartment and met someone new. I got my Master's degree and hated my video store job. I watched friends move away and friends come to me. I lived with so many different kinds of people in different places and met Olivia and Nicky. My last grandparent passed away at 94, and eventually Nicky passed too. I got into a bad car accident and watched many of my closest friends get married, and got to be a maid of honor for three of them. I got sick for the first time in more than 20 years and watched it wreak havoc on my psyche. I cried and was afraid and went back and forth through depression, a journey I will be on for a long time to come. I finally got a job in a book store and learned to read again. I watched so many TV shows and movies and typed a thousand thousand words. I wrote and then I became afraid of writing.

I met so many people. I met so many people whose lives have made such a difference in my own, who made me what and who I am. I can never be grateful enough for the people who share my life.

Today I was offered a chance that, five years ago, would have seemed like an amazing idea: to have a three year teaching contract in Japan. It would be an amazing adventure. I talked about it with Chris, and we agreed that there's part of us that thinks it would be awfully exciting.

10 years ago, what would I have said?

I like to think that part of being 30 is knowing how much I don't know on top of (maybe) knowing a little more about what I've become. And I think I've already started on a new adventure just by being this much older. There's so much to experience just in this life I'm leading with Chris, with the pigs, with my friends. With my job that gave me a raise today and told me I was an excellent hire. Last week I moved the bed away from the corner for the first time in at least 20 years; that was an adventure in and of itself.

It's getting late, and when I was 20 I could stay up late and get up early and nap during the day, but now I have this whole "fulltime job" thing and I can't always focus as well. I don't want to work in retail forever; I hope this decade I'll find a way out of it. I want to go back to Japan, but I still don't know that I could ever live there again. I might get married and some of my friends want to have kids. Jujubee isn't even a year old yet, and there's so much to see.

I know that I'm going to still deal with my fears, my anxiety, my depression. But I also know I have my friends and all these experiences. And there are new adventures.

I'm happy to be 30. I'm grateful for this life, even on the bad days.

Hello LJ.

Oh LJ, how I have failed at you this year. December was busy, though! There was a snow storm wherein we lost power and had to flee to my parents', the world didn't end except for said Snowpocalypse, Chris and I went to Nashville for Christmas for the last time (his parents are moving to Arizona soon), and now it is le New Year's Eve, which we will be spending at home with the pigs, having been on the move socially/workingly/travelingly for about two weeks now.

I may shortly even fall asleep.

But before that! I have this meme, that, although I have not been good at LJ, I must complete in accordance with prophecy.

( Let's see what happened.Collapse )

Happy New Year, everyone. May it be a good one.

Well hey Friday night, how are you?

I'm all right. I'm at home, on the couch, because that's how I roll. My body is just trying to reject my face, but that's kind of normal. This week has not been good for my allergies. I thought I had a cold on Monday (since the pressure in my face was different than usual) but the past two days something's been up and I have no idea what it could be. I'm starting to wonder if I'm allergic to my apartment, or maybe just air. It's reached the point where I'm in that semi-drugged state of "bliihhhhhhhh?" where everything takes incredible effort since sneezing is a full body action for me and blowing my nose is almost an unconscious action, therefore all days of allergies are incredibly taxing and for some reason I decided this would be a good time to make an LJ post.

I fell asleep for about 45 minutes with a wet washcloth on my face. I came by this time judgement by the last thing I remember in "The Goldberg Variation" and the time I woke up in "Orison." Because for me, time is measure in X-Files episodes.

Brief pause to mention that Chris found my mentholatum and I put it on my nose and OH GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD MMM MENTHOL BSjkabdkgsk INHAAAAAAAAAALE

Anyway. I had forgotten that the new Star Trek trailer came out until feels_like_fire reminded me, and then I watched it, and was struck by feelings that I wasn't sure I wanted/needed/was ready for. I've had a weird relationship with fandom since forever becoming involved with "Avengers" and my first reaction was "OH GOD I DON'T NEED MORE THINGS TO HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT." I haven't even written since I posted my STBB last year. But I already have deep-seated ST feelings, I've just been angry about how long this has taken, and keeping my heart in a box until I have it in front of me, ready to attempt a multi-fandom lifestyle. Hopefully by May I'll be there.

...also I admit to holding my breath until they showed a shot of Sulu. It was brief, but he was there! Priorities.

( Brief work stories, cut for some gross.Collapse )

Also I would like to say that while I escaped Black Friday unscathed, I've already been thoroughly brutalized by our Christmas music selection at work. With the exception of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and "Chorus of the Bells," I don't like carol-themed music at all anyway, and our CDs happen to be largely jazz-based renditions, with the singers sounding either borderline suicidal or WAY TOO EXCITED ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!twelve There's no middle ground to this, except the CDs with Sinatra on massive quantities of valium and the horrible acoustic guitar version of "Greensleeves."

And that's all the news that's fit to print. Or you know, that I felt needed to be shared. Back to nose-blowing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, that was last week?

Well. I spent the day watching X-Files, then had dinner with my parents, Chris, jou and latenightarting. We still have leftovers.

I had my first "real" Black Friday despite the six years of retail experience, but because I didn't open, it wasn't all that dramatic. Actually it was really a lot like a regular Saturday, except for the hour I spent on "customer service" detail where I was supposed to assist people with questions and stuff but no one asked me anything and I felt super creepy and weird going up and asking if people need help. Which no one likes anyway. PEOPLE WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE IN BOOKSHOPS.

So that was that.

Uh...my parents bought Chris and I a futon for Christmas, and my dad disliked every decision we made about it. It was pretty hilarious. We are quite happy with it, however, and I've tried to do more of my reading there lately.

Speaking of reading, since last we discussed, I have conquered the following:

-"A Dance With Dragons," GRRM (motherfuck I was so ready to be done with these but then the last chapters were awesome and it ended and I was like "BUTT" and now I'm one of those people mad at him for keeping us waiting and he'll probably go and die before he finishes the damn thing.)
-"The Murder Room: The Heirs of Sherlock Holmes Gather to Solve the World's Most Perplexing Cold Cases," by Mike Capuzzo
-"The Seance," by John Harwood
-"The Unburied," by Charles Palliser
-"Uranium: War, Energy, and the Rock That Shaped the World," by Tom Zoellner

...and I thought there were more. Huh. I really need to write this stuff down. Also I forgot to add "The Bestiary," by Nicholas Christopher to the last list. And at least one more then. Durn books. It's that time of year where I only want to read about murder and mystical things in England in the 19th or early 20th centuries. Luckily, I have a number of books that fit exactly that description. I have a type.

Also every time I shelve in the science section, I find things I want to read. Which I find pretty funny, considering how terrible I am at science in general.

I saw "Skyfall," which I loved, and "Looper," which was pretty darn cool. It still weirds me out that I no longer know when movies are coming out or when DVDs are being released, but I suppose it comes with the territory. I could just learn to check IMDB every day if I was really concerned.

I haven't been sewing nearly enough lately, I need to do that. I also need "Game of Thrones" season 2 to appear, and a program that will let me rip the songs from my ipod since apparently itunes is made out of suck and won't sync with Mamipod on my new computer unless I erase everything, and a bunch of stuff on there is ripped from CDs I no longer have.

And uh, I got a new hat, because I totally needed one (I really didn't). But we were selling them at work, so.



I like how well it matches my Cap sweatshirt. I am a paragon of style. And that is all.

Okay, so it's been almost a month, I'm right on schedule.

I've read at least four more books, dressed as Old Greg from "The Mighty Boosh" for Halloween, spent a weekend in New York post-Sandy, started watching "Teen Wolf," picked out a futon with Chris, and got a new computer.

BUT THIS POST IS ALL ABOUT JUJUBEE.

SO BRACE YOURSELF FOR BABYPIG.

Wait for it...





Wait for it.....




JUJUBEE.

( The Story of Jujubee.Collapse )

And so it is. My piggies. In loving memory of Nicky and Oni and Sparky and Fuzzball: Liv and Jooj. <3

...so I said I'd be back soon with tales of the mystical Jujubee, but then my computer died.

I'd been planning on getting a new one, since mine was slow, sounded like a lawnmower and ran at the temperature of the sun, but it very suddenly decided to end it all last Friday leaving me with no choice but to cash in all my saved change and infinityduck with the hapless task of helping me find a new one.

Being an IT person, he was able to take the hard drive out of my old one, so I didn't lose anything, but I can't currently access my Juju pictures and so I must delay her yet again. She would be very cross with me I'm sure if she had an ill-willed bone in her tiny bouncy body, which she doesn't seem to. And this is why she and Olivia make a hilarious pair.

Anyway, I'm borrowing feels_like_fire's mac or mac book or whatever the hell you call these things apple makes that are laptops, and it is some crazy fucking shit because I'm a PC and all that and I keep trying to right click things and I caaaaan't and it's haaaaard.

I was thinking about the article going around about the downfall of LJ and it makes me super sad, because I owe LJ so much, and no one will talk to me on tumblr. I miss the community that LJ provided, I miss knowing where fics would be and leaving comments and tricking people into being my friends. But I do like the pictures tumblr provides. Just so lonely. Bwar.

So this is basically, I guess, just a post of random-ass thoughts. Here's a few more:

-Chris and I have been trying to eat at home more so we cooked a bunch this week and it turned out well but today I feel kind of junky and so we will just make a damn frozen pizza because it's Fridaaaaay night. I will also probably fall asleep on the couch before 11 and maybe even read a book.

-I'm going to New York in two weeks because Megan's turning 30 and I need to be there and United makes it fucking impossible to use your frequent flyer miles.

-I bought a $20 bottle of alcohol (Pimm's, to be precise). That is the most money I have ever spent on booze in my life. Shhh, stop laughing at my choices.

-On Sunday I'm going to a COOOOORN MAAAAAZE in keeping with the now-potentially-an-annual-event-ness of corn mazery.

-Next week I have two days off in a row. I'm so excited.

-I made a Daenerys Targaryen doll. I'll post pictures of that someday too. Weirdly enough, now I want to make Melisandre. What? Where the hell do my ideas come from? Or not come from? I don't even know. I'm just sitting amongst scraps of felt all the time at this point.

...and then to end this I was going to end by putting in a picture of my new favorite thing on the internet but NO YOU CAN'T RIGHT CLICK TO VIEW IMAGE ON A MAC BOOK AMBER SO THERE.

I'm gonna stare at the oven until pizza happens.

Hello again LJ.

Like the way I come and go? I do too.

Here is a short entry just to touch base, as it were.

-It's been a year since starsandgraces came to visit and of course this year the weather is perfect and fall-y and I'm all "waaargh" because last year it was apocalyptically warm and stuff.

-The High Holidays have come and gone and were holy. I had awesome allergies during Kol Nidrei, which involved lots of trying to find the appropriate time in one of the most important nights in the Jewish year to blow my nose (probably not while the Rabbi is talking, but sometimes you can't help it).

-Oni died four years ago today. I hope she's showing Nicky the ropes up there.

-It is also sail_aweigh's birthday today. Happy birthday! :D

-I work at my job. I still don't hate it. I am still less than thrilled by customers, however, but I work in retail, what do you expect. I was particularly unfond of the child that found one of our "noisy books" yesterday -one that makes a sound like a toilet flushing- and decided it would be great to keep making that sound 237498329 TIMES. GO FLUSH THE TOILET IN YOUR OWN HOUSE FOREVER AND SEE IF EVERYONE STILL FINDS IT CUTE. But other than that.

-I've been trying to keep track of all the books I've read since I started my job and learned to read again. I have put the list below if anyone is interested (or wants to start pointing fingers at why I don't spend as much time online anymore).

( I CNA REED.Collapse )
I'm reading "A Dance with Dragons" right now, and then I'll be out of the GRRM books, and I will be free! I just want to read all the things.

-Maybe someday I will learn to write all the things again. Still having that problem where I only want to write when I'm shelving at work and then I come home and I'm like "yeah, lying on my face is the actual best idea possible."

-I went to a teeny con in town and sold all my Avengers dolls and neither XMFC Erik or Charles. I am sick of those fuckers. One of these days I'm just going to toss them at tumblr and hope someone wants them (for dollars).

-More than a year ago I talked about a book called "John Dies at the End." The sequel just came out, it's called "This Book is Full of Spiders (Seriously Don't Touch It)" and I want it, and I always want the Avengers DVD but my computer is trying its damndest to burn itself down so I think that may actually be a priority. Along with, you know, food, the basic elements of life, etc.

-Finally, although she deserves more fanfare, which I will provide once I find the cord to my camera and can upload better pictures, introducing JUJUBEE ASTRID BONNIE KODAMA COHEN (and Chris):



We actually adopted her as a teeny baby peeg in August, but she's growing! She is very loud and very fast and very sleek. She is Jooj. More jujulicious details will follow soon, I promise.

For the moment, I guess that's all the news that's fit to print. Peace.