The First Term
I finally got some good solid studying in yesterday. I feel like I am getting a much better grasp on Gaussian response models and pivotal quantities now. And now the life in CS essay.
Thoughts on CS after a term
In short: I am still in the program, I am still enjoying the subject matter, and I am enjoying it despite a few...issues.
In long:
I think I am going to go for the double major. I determined that just taking the courses I want to take, I would be, under the 04/05 calender, only one fourth year PMath course away from graduation. Under the 05/06 calendar, I wouldn't even need that. Since my schedule is pretty full, and I want to have time to enjoy my courses, I think I will switch to the 05/06 calendar. If there was a 'trivial' 4th year Pmath course, I take it; but those really don't exist. They all fall into the categories of really hard, barely passable or suicidal. Next term, I am taking CS 240 (I've got reason to think it will be good), CS 246 (ugh), CS 442 (course override magic occurred), RUSS 202 (completion of my Russian minor! No breadth and depth for me!) and Pmath 434 (the prodigal daughter returns). I am kind of tossing around taking the graduate course on Chekhov and Pushkin my Russian prof wants me to take. I'll audit it anyway; but we'll see about actually taking it.
I find myself even more enthusiastic about the subject matter. I am reading textbooks. I am reading papers. I am going to profs and saying that was cool, where do I learn more? I am still poking around a bit with my own projects. This never happened in Pure Math.
In Pure Math, the program was so hard and so demanding, I didn't have time to learn on my own, to explore the topic on my own or to get enthusiastic, it was just struggle through, do a half assed job, hope to pass. I am getting enthusiastic about CS because it is 'easier'. It isn't necessarily that the subject as a whole is easier; but the program is, and that is giving me the breathing room I need to do my own thing. In second year CS, I look smart. I am doing really, really well. It makes me feel smart, it makes me feel like I am actually capable of mastering this stuff. I am getting much more encouragement from my professors in this program. Probably this is because I am now at the top of class instead of somewhere in the bottom middle.
Lowered expectations are probably a major contributor to my current happiness. I have come into CS expecting to be ground down by an uncaring and baroque bureaucracy, lousy classes and moronic classmates. Sadly it has not disappointed completely on all three fronts; but for the first two each instance has been isolated.
Now for the bad stuff.
So far the bureaucracy in CS has proven more incompetent than uncaring and more confused than baroque. My first set of 'sign-me-into-CS' forms got lost, so I had to go get them signed again. For some reason Quest decided it didn't want to let me sign up for CS 240 and CS 246 next term; but the advisor that signed my first set of forms got my in after my enrollment appointment (score 1 against uncaring). I found out about two and half months into the term I would need to petition to get my Russian minor recognized since it comprises a third area of study. In talking to the people at the undergrad office, I found out it will almost certainly be rubber stamped, however unless I want to petition twice, I should probably wait until after I have switched calenders.
I really can't complain about the bureaucracy. So far it has caused me only minor hassles and hasn't proven the obstacle I feared it would be. Maybe I just picked my advisor well; but it hasn't lived it up to its fearsome reputation.
As for classes, both CS 241 and CS 245 have been really good. The material is good. The professors are good. I show up to them at 8:30am (well, not every day, I've missed a fair number of cs 245 classes; but no cs 241 classes). CS 251 I did not return after the first class. I consider going back for course evaluations; but I couldn't even bring myself to spend the time on that. I can't say much because I didn't go to the classes. No one I've talked to has given me any reason to consider going back. We don't appear to have covered any actual material in them and I don't think what material that got covered on the assignments, on the midterm and on the final is actually the curriculum. This makes me somewhat nervous for future classes that will depend on this material; but I'll read the textbook and ask FSM for help. The TA is saint. I feel so sorry for him and have sent him several e-mails through the term thanking him for his efforts to teach the course despite the professor. He really cares and fortunately this has been recognized and he will be teaching the course next term. It was kind of hilarious when he mentioned this in the final exam review session. The entire class went "awwwwww!" followed by applause.
So, only 1/3 classes have proven to be lousy. Meh.
My classmates, on the other hand, one very much in particular, fell even below my already low expectations. Those of you follow this space know about the assignment-snitching-weaselly
Obviously my comments don't apply to every CS student. In particular they don't apply to any I am friends with. And onwards with the criticisms. This is all based on personal experience and anecdote. The earlier parts of this entry were too; but I wasn't making generalizations about my fellow students there.
I have found the guys in CS to be generally as arrogant as the ones in Pure Math. The main difference is that I have enough of a head start on them that I can hear how stupid they are. I was never good enough at Pure Math to tell if some one was spewing nonsense or wisdom, in CS I know. Or maybe Pure Math students know just enough to not make fools of themselves when they talk. Either way, I really wish CS students could be a bit more humble. Their vanity has never annoyed me, and I headed straight for pity.
I had a conversation with some guy where he kept bringing up the lambda calculus and how cs 245 was a waste of time since they didn't cover it. This would seem a acceptable argument to make. You could argue about the value of the lambda calculus and whether it belongs in cs 245 and so forth. Except, really he just came off an idiot. By his comments I can tell he has only the vaguest idea what the lambda calculus is, wouldn't be able to explain why it is of value for cs students to know, and in the mean time is not getting material already in cs 245. I am more sorry for this guy than anything else. Sooner or later he is going to say this to someone who will shoot him down. I am just too soft-hearted to do that to someone so obviously that insecure.
I was sitting in the lab and some people sitting behind me were working on a project, maybe OS. From the over heard conversation, I gather some change has been made and now the guy 'can't find his editor', and then gets nothing done for the whole hour I was there, constantly repeating "Where the fuck is my editor?" and variations on "I can't code without it!". Dude, you are in third year or the second half of second year, you shouldn't require some special editor to get anything done. Where the fuck is your brain? How the hell does this guy expect to, I don't know, make a living? I know the undergrad environment isn't, you know, nice; but seriously, if you honestly can't code outside this one editor, this implies you don't actually know how to. The only explanation I could come up with it maybe the editor saves the files in some sort of special format that only that editor can handle; but that would make it a bad editor, and this guy none too bright.
And more anecdotes ad-nausem
Two things bother me about this combination of ignorance and arrogance. First, if you think you know everything when in reality you have so for to go you don't even know you have things to learn, you are going to stay ignorant. Even if you do know you don't know what you are doing, if your ego is so fragile you can't stand admitting this, you are still staying dumb. I wonder if this kind of attitude is contributing to why most code written sucks. At least when someone acknowledges they have stuff to learn, they at least have taken the first step to not being stupid anymore. Second, this is the kind of attitude that scares people away form the field. If you are honest to yourself about how much you know; but don't know enough to spot how stupid most of what they say is, you are going to think you are stupid and you don't belong here and you aren't going to make it. Of course, this is a self-fulfilling attitude and unfortunately only bolsters the pride of the moron who scared you out in the first place.
I've got enough self-awareness to wonder if this is what happened to me in Pure Math. I have heard reports the majority of the people in the class are only scraping by, and maybe lots of the attitude I encountered that ultimately contributed to convincing me to quit was just being put up by people who were scared of failing too. Classic example of the differences between men and women? Maybe.
It is stressful and hard to be in a demanding academic program. I am willing to cut people some slack; but when your coping mechanism is sabotaging other people in the program, that isn't acceptable.
Of course, no one who needs to reads is going to, and even if they did, I am sure they would dismiss it.
So, that is my take on CS after a term.
Thoughts on CS after a term
In short: I am still in the program, I am still enjoying the subject matter, and I am enjoying it despite a few...issues.
In long:
I think I am going to go for the double major. I determined that just taking the courses I want to take, I would be, under the 04/05 calender, only one fourth year PMath course away from graduation. Under the 05/06 calendar, I wouldn't even need that. Since my schedule is pretty full, and I want to have time to enjoy my courses, I think I will switch to the 05/06 calendar. If there was a 'trivial' 4th year Pmath course, I take it; but those really don't exist. They all fall into the categories of really hard, barely passable or suicidal. Next term, I am taking CS 240 (I've got reason to think it will be good), CS 246 (ugh), CS 442 (course override magic occurred), RUSS 202 (completion of my Russian minor! No breadth and depth for me!) and Pmath 434 (the prodigal daughter returns). I am kind of tossing around taking the graduate course on Chekhov and Pushkin my Russian prof wants me to take. I'll audit it anyway; but we'll see about actually taking it.
I find myself even more enthusiastic about the subject matter. I am reading textbooks. I am reading papers. I am going to profs and saying that was cool, where do I learn more? I am still poking around a bit with my own projects. This never happened in Pure Math.
In Pure Math, the program was so hard and so demanding, I didn't have time to learn on my own, to explore the topic on my own or to get enthusiastic, it was just struggle through, do a half assed job, hope to pass. I am getting enthusiastic about CS because it is 'easier'. It isn't necessarily that the subject as a whole is easier; but the program is, and that is giving me the breathing room I need to do my own thing. In second year CS, I look smart. I am doing really, really well. It makes me feel smart, it makes me feel like I am actually capable of mastering this stuff. I am getting much more encouragement from my professors in this program. Probably this is because I am now at the top of class instead of somewhere in the bottom middle.
Lowered expectations are probably a major contributor to my current happiness. I have come into CS expecting to be ground down by an uncaring and baroque bureaucracy, lousy classes and moronic classmates. Sadly it has not disappointed completely on all three fronts; but for the first two each instance has been isolated.
Now for the bad stuff.
So far the bureaucracy in CS has proven more incompetent than uncaring and more confused than baroque. My first set of 'sign-me-into-CS' forms got lost, so I had to go get them signed again. For some reason Quest decided it didn't want to let me sign up for CS 240 and CS 246 next term; but the advisor that signed my first set of forms got my in after my enrollment appointment (score 1 against uncaring). I found out about two and half months into the term I would need to petition to get my Russian minor recognized since it comprises a third area of study. In talking to the people at the undergrad office, I found out it will almost certainly be rubber stamped, however unless I want to petition twice, I should probably wait until after I have switched calenders.
I really can't complain about the bureaucracy. So far it has caused me only minor hassles and hasn't proven the obstacle I feared it would be. Maybe I just picked my advisor well; but it hasn't lived it up to its fearsome reputation.
As for classes, both CS 241 and CS 245 have been really good. The material is good. The professors are good. I show up to them at 8:30am (well, not every day, I've missed a fair number of cs 245 classes; but no cs 241 classes). CS 251 I did not return after the first class. I consider going back for course evaluations; but I couldn't even bring myself to spend the time on that. I can't say much because I didn't go to the classes. No one I've talked to has given me any reason to consider going back. We don't appear to have covered any actual material in them and I don't think what material that got covered on the assignments, on the midterm and on the final is actually the curriculum. This makes me somewhat nervous for future classes that will depend on this material; but I'll read the textbook and ask FSM for help. The TA is saint. I feel so sorry for him and have sent him several e-mails through the term thanking him for his efforts to teach the course despite the professor. He really cares and fortunately this has been recognized and he will be teaching the course next term. It was kind of hilarious when he mentioned this in the final exam review session. The entire class went "awwwwww!" followed by applause.
So, only 1/3 classes have proven to be lousy. Meh.
My classmates, on the other hand, one very much in particular, fell even below my already low expectations. Those of you follow this space know about the assignment-snitching-weaselly
Obviously my comments don't apply to every CS student. In particular they don't apply to any I am friends with. And onwards with the criticisms. This is all based on personal experience and anecdote. The earlier parts of this entry were too; but I wasn't making generalizations about my fellow students there.
I have found the guys in CS to be generally as arrogant as the ones in Pure Math. The main difference is that I have enough of a head start on them that I can hear how stupid they are. I was never good enough at Pure Math to tell if some one was spewing nonsense or wisdom, in CS I know. Or maybe Pure Math students know just enough to not make fools of themselves when they talk. Either way, I really wish CS students could be a bit more humble. Their vanity has never annoyed me, and I headed straight for pity.
I had a conversation with some guy where he kept bringing up the lambda calculus and how cs 245 was a waste of time since they didn't cover it. This would seem a acceptable argument to make. You could argue about the value of the lambda calculus and whether it belongs in cs 245 and so forth. Except, really he just came off an idiot. By his comments I can tell he has only the vaguest idea what the lambda calculus is, wouldn't be able to explain why it is of value for cs students to know, and in the mean time is not getting material already in cs 245. I am more sorry for this guy than anything else. Sooner or later he is going to say this to someone who will shoot him down. I am just too soft-hearted to do that to someone so obviously that insecure.
I was sitting in the lab and some people sitting behind me were working on a project, maybe OS. From the over heard conversation, I gather some change has been made and now the guy 'can't find his editor', and then gets nothing done for the whole hour I was there, constantly repeating "Where the fuck is my editor?" and variations on "I can't code without it!". Dude, you are in third year or the second half of second year, you shouldn't require some special editor to get anything done. Where the fuck is your brain? How the hell does this guy expect to, I don't know, make a living? I know the undergrad environment isn't, you know, nice; but seriously, if you honestly can't code outside this one editor, this implies you don't actually know how to. The only explanation I could come up with it maybe the editor saves the files in some sort of special format that only that editor can handle; but that would make it a bad editor, and this guy none too bright.
And more anecdotes ad-nausem
Two things bother me about this combination of ignorance and arrogance. First, if you think you know everything when in reality you have so for to go you don't even know you have things to learn, you are going to stay ignorant. Even if you do know you don't know what you are doing, if your ego is so fragile you can't stand admitting this, you are still staying dumb. I wonder if this kind of attitude is contributing to why most code written sucks. At least when someone acknowledges they have stuff to learn, they at least have taken the first step to not being stupid anymore. Second, this is the kind of attitude that scares people away form the field. If you are honest to yourself about how much you know; but don't know enough to spot how stupid most of what they say is, you are going to think you are stupid and you don't belong here and you aren't going to make it. Of course, this is a self-fulfilling attitude and unfortunately only bolsters the pride of the moron who scared you out in the first place.
I've got enough self-awareness to wonder if this is what happened to me in Pure Math. I have heard reports the majority of the people in the class are only scraping by, and maybe lots of the attitude I encountered that ultimately contributed to convincing me to quit was just being put up by people who were scared of failing too. Classic example of the differences between men and women? Maybe.
It is stressful and hard to be in a demanding academic program. I am willing to cut people some slack; but when your coping mechanism is sabotaging other people in the program, that isn't acceptable.
Of course, no one who needs to reads is going to, and even if they did, I am sure they would dismiss it.
So, that is my take on CS after a term.